What is a good number of children to have?

Tutu - posted on 09/01/2010 ( 204 moms have responded )

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Well, my husband and I, after consulting with our three children, have decided that we would like one last child to complete our family. My problem is, becoase we have three already, everyone around us assumes that we wont want another child and are very surprised that we would want another baby. Is it strange to want to have four children?

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[deleted account]

Many people can't cope with their two so the thought of having a big family seems over the top. I always wanted a big family. I came from a loving family of 4 kids (I was the only girl) so I thought that was the perfect number. I had the 1st but it took 5 years to have the second. Then my daughter was born 21 mos. later. I still wanted 4 so after 4 long years I finally had #4. My oldest came to me and said he had never had a partner in life and that we should have one more so that our 4th would have a pal. We did and it was our 4th son, 5th child. I was 35 and at the time that was "old" (1986). I loved every minute of watching my kids grow. I had fantastic teenagers (not many can say that). I did not leave my kids in daycare. Being a Mom is a full time job. So my advice...do what you feel is right for you. Peer pressure is not involved when it comes to babies. This is your life. I hope I helped. All the best. Sallie

Juliet - posted on 09/04/2010

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I have seven. Yes, they're all mine, No, I'm not catholic! If children are meant to be a blessing, why do people act like they are the opposite? I didn't start out wanting a large family, but just never felt "done" after three. It is an amazing thing to be able to bring a new individual into the world. I personally feel that as long as you are able to take care of your family, no-one has the right to question your choice. After all, no-one questions couples who've stopped after two, do they? And, to answer your question, I don't think it's strange at all to want more - in fact, I think it's very normal. Most people suppress that desire, because society tells them that it's not "responsible" to have more than two. I could go on, because as you might be able to tell, I feel strongly about this, but I think I've answered your question!!

Michelle - posted on 09/10/2010

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Hi, I always said I wanted 4 children, but have stopped at two! i've 2 boys aged 10 + 6 + happy to leave it at them, but everyone seems to assume that I should want to try for a girl to complete my family! They look at me strange when i say I'm happy with my family as it is! I intend to be happy with my lot + not worry about what other people perceive to be a balanced family!!!!

Jennifer - posted on 09/10/2010

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I have four kids. I think 4 is a good round number. That way there is no middle child. If they team up on each other they can each have a buddy to team up with. :-)

Lisa - posted on 09/10/2010

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Well I know this is late but no four is not. I have five a 21 year old and then we turned around and had quads who are 7 now and will be 8 in oct. so the more the merrie. And my four always have someone to play with.

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Carrie - posted on 09/10/2010

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We have 4 boys and I couldn't imagine life without any of them, let alone our youngest. People said crazy things to me when I was pregnant with my fourth - things like "You know how this keeps happening, right?" Like it's a mistake to have four kids! The only mistake would be not following your heart and growing your family as you are called to. Have fun!

Premika - posted on 09/10/2010

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You shouldnt worry what everyone around you is saying or thinking. They are not the ones who will raise your children, you will. What matters most is how you and your family feels about this. If you want another baby then you should have one.

Also why would it be strange to have any number of chilren. If you are mentally, physically and financially prepared for it i dont think what anyone says or feels should matter.

Becky - posted on 09/10/2010

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As long as you are healthy and having healthy pregnancies and babies.....go for it!!! I have 3 ages 19, 18, and 2 1/2. I often think the youngest needs a playmate but probably wrong to have another for that reason......not that I wouldn't love him or her just the same.

Michelle - posted on 09/10/2010

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i have four boys, so no, i do not think that it is strange to want four children. what i found strange is the fact that you would consult your other children before having another baby. you are the parents. it is your decision

Katie - posted on 09/10/2010

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Tutu-that's not a "problem", it's a blessing! The only opinion that truly matters is yours & your family...don't question the decision because of other people-they're not the ones who will be raising your children. If you have the means & desire to add to your family, then so be it! :) (by the way, the little girl in your picture is GORGEOUS!!)

Rebekka - posted on 09/10/2010

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It is not at all strange to want to have 4 children..Look at that Duggars family on TLC..it doesn't matter how many chidlren you want as long as each gets treated with the same amount of love..everyone else can be as surprised as they want but it is no one elses choice/decision..

Kamara - posted on 09/10/2010

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I don't think that it is strange. My sister is having her fourth in November and well, I have six. Believe it or not, my children were very excited about the idea of a little sister or brother when we talked about it. I believe it is up to you. The important thing is that your family is up for it!!! Good luck!!!

Sabrina - posted on 09/10/2010

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I want 4 if I can handle the births! Both of us almost died when my son was born so I'm a little gun shy, but I've always wanted two boys and two girls. :)

Gina - posted on 09/10/2010

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I was one of four kids(2 older brothers and 1 younger sis) and I loved it. There was always somebody to play with. My siblings are some of my best friends and I wouldn't change it for the world. Good luck.

Slaine - posted on 09/10/2010

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NO! We have 4 and love it! Its strange that people think 4 is so many. Good luck

Debbie - posted on 09/10/2010

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I think you should have as many kids as you can afford. IF this pleases you then it's what you want and not what others want. It's only what I am thinking. If your situation is struggling then maybe think twice but go for it if you can.

Reina Mayte - posted on 09/10/2010

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I don't think it's strange to want another child...babies are blessing from God. Only you and your family can determine if another child is a welcomed addition or not. To some 1 is too many and to others 4 is not enough...I don't think anyone has the right to judge, if you and your family, feel you have the space, the finances and the love needed to welcome another child...then go ahead. I always wanted 4, 2 of each, I only have 3 and am content, because after the 3rd child, I realized that not only does my family not have the finances to support another child, but my body would not endure another pregnancy. So to wrap it up...lol if you feel that you have the needed resources, financial, health, space and most importantly LOVE, I say more power to you and those who don't agree can share their opinion with someone else. :)

Jennifer - posted on 09/10/2010

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Why would you consult your children about such an important decision or anyone else for that matter. This is between your husband and you! Everyone where I live has 4 children or more. I have 4 but it was a private decision between my husband and myself. No need to involve anyone else. Just make sure you can afford them. In todays dollar college is about $50,000 a year for a highly selective great school plus remember everything else you are responsible for providing for them!

[deleted account]

No it's not, and don't let anyone get into the habit of telling you what is right or wrong. What works for one person does not work for someone else. Congratulations and good luck. Mskillasmile.

Angie - posted on 09/10/2010

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Not strange at all. I would LOVE 4 children.. That has always been my dream number of children for some reason..... Can't say my Hubby agrees, but just do what's you guys feel is right. It's your life. If you and hubby are happy to have 4 children, then go for it!!! Good luck to you and your wonderful family. xx

Ellen - posted on 09/10/2010

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Not at all strange -- two generations ago, it was the norm. I was one of five, and liked growing up a big family. We had a tighter budget than some of our neighbors, but I don't think there was anything of real substance that I feel I missed out on. I have one, and would have liked more, but my logistics won't allow for it. If yours do, and you're ready for another child, don't let anyone make you feel strange about it.

Melissa - posted on 09/10/2010

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haha no way I have four children myself and want 2 more. There's no limit to how many children you should have. God said to be fruitful and multiply. Have a great time having children and be blessed. my husband is the baby of 6 children and I am the oldest of three, but my mom lost twins so she would have had 5. I think you should do whatever you feel is right in your heart.

Lynette - posted on 09/10/2010

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We have six and its wonderful! My kids love each other and love having a big family! They ask me all the time if I would have one more, they love our little 7 month old girlie!

Suzie - posted on 09/10/2010

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I don't think it is strange to want a family of 4. How old are your kids now? If they are all under the age of 4, then I could see how some people would think it was strange to want to have 4. But if they are older....why not. I would love to have another child... but my husband is content with the 2 we have.

Suzie
www.zeebabee.com

Kim - posted on 09/10/2010

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My husband and I also discussed having a fourth child (most in his family don't have more than 2) and we decided to try for it. God blessed us with a fourth and we cannot imagine our family without her. We've realized that every family has their own threshold of how many children is right for them. If this is what is right and good for your family, I say go for it and have fun, enjoy all the children your given, they are miracles and blessings.

Gillian - posted on 09/10/2010

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I think an even number is nice! Means that no-one feels left out when you go on rides at Theme parks etc.!

Felicia - posted on 09/10/2010

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I'm not sure about 4, though. I have 2 kids aged 9 and 4 and my husband and I have decided to have another baby. It usually takes me long to fall pregnant, so we have decided that we will try now, but we're only giving it 2 years. I don't want to have a baby when I'm 40. (36yrs now)

Cherie - posted on 09/10/2010

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I AM THE GRANDMA TO "3'..WE (FAMILY) TRIED TO TELL MY DAUGHTER >"OH NO! YOU DON'T WANT ANOTHER BABY! AND ALL THE REASONS"
NOW THAT THE THIRD CHILD IS HERE AND SUCH A JOY AND LIFE "TESTING"..ALL THE FAMILY THINKS WHAT WOULD OUR LIVES BE LIKE WITHOUT HIM! EVERY CHILD IS A BLESSING!
SO IF YOU FEEL ANOTHER CHILD WILL COMPLETE YOUR FAMILY DO WHAT YOUR HEART TELLS YOU! WE NEVER KNOW WHAT LIFE CAN BRING US, CHILDREN ARE ONE OF THOSE WONDERFUL SURPRISES!

[deleted account]

I think it is not strange at all to have 4 children. I´m pregnant with my 5th. When I found out that I´m pregnant I was a bit concernd about what people would say about us. But ...surprise surprise - I always got pos. feedback.
So don`t worry - it is your desicion and if you fell good about it then.... go for it:-)

Johnny - posted on 09/09/2010

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0, 1 or 2. No more than 2 ever. It is a drain on the environment, the planet, and our precious resources. You should never have more than mere replacement numbers ever. Unless it is multiple births, it is immoral.

Jennifer - posted on 09/09/2010

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nope! even numbers are good. I personally have 5. wouldn't want any less. After 3 it just gets easier

Gina - posted on 09/09/2010

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No. My opinion on the subject is if you love children and can afford several then have as many as you want. We only have one. I would like to have more but can't seem to have any more. So what if your friends are surprised, it's what you want and what is going to make your family happy. Good Luck!

Jennifer - posted on 09/09/2010

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it depends on the couples capability to raise children..financial,psychological,readiness or maturity of the couple varies so its up to you to decide...

Jennifer - posted on 09/09/2010

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I always wished I had more siblings (just me and my brother). My friend has 4 children and she got a lot of grief from people. Just because they do not want that many children should not make others feel the same way. I have 3 children which is good for us (financially). Good luck to you for that healthy happy 4th baby!

Jill - posted on 09/09/2010

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No it is not strange to want to have four children. I am a Mom of 4. Each of my children have been a wonderful addition to our family. I think as long as you can take care of their needs you can have as many children as you want. The decision should ultimately be between you and your husband. It shouldn't matter what anyone else says and frankly it is none of their business.

Shannon - posted on 09/09/2010

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no not to me. I have 4 but the last one was a suprise. I think 4 is a good number

Gayle - posted on 09/09/2010

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I just let God decide what children He wanted me to have. I ended up with 2 girls and 7 boys. I would not have minded having more. They are all so different and they grow up so fast. I doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Children are a blessing!

Ellen - posted on 09/09/2010

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I had 4 children [now Adults] I ALWAYS wanted 4. Even as a teenager I just Knew, if you only have 1 it is lonely for them and too much expectations on one child,
2 [Pigeon pair] It is cute but each in their own way are only children. Everything that comes in for the male is ONLY for him, ditto for the girl.
3 Well now you are a family. You are tied down just a bit. No longer can each parent grab a kid and RUN FOR IT, but 2's company, 3s always a crowd.
4 Ahhh! a well rounded number.
My kids always had alternative siblings to rotate around. All 4 of my kids are so VERY different. Almost impossible, when you really know them, the believe they all come from exactly the same gene pool. But then again my dad was one of identical twins and he was soooo different to his twin. Crazy. Mind you my dad was one of 11 children, but my grandmother actually raised 15 children. They always were such a close family. The stories would 'rise from the Past', peels of laughter filled the halls of memories.
Either way the family is uniquely yours.

Libby - posted on 09/09/2010

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We have 4 girls and we LOVE it!! In fact, we love having our girls so much that we have decided to add to our family again. But, this time, we are going to adopt a child from Uganda! Good luck - 4 is an AWESOME number...and we know 5 will be as well!

Deborah - posted on 09/09/2010

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If you and your husband can take care of your children and you are not a burden your family or society, then it is up to you as to how many children you want. As for me, we decided on two and took the measures to not have anymore by way of a tubaligation and I had my third. Needless to say made sure the doctor understood that I wanted those suckers cut, tied, burned, removed whatever it took.

[deleted account]

I've run into a lot of people who expect that 2 children is what everyone wants, with a third to be had only in an attempt to get a different gender. Personally, at my age I'd like four, I used to want six.
My belief is that if you can afford to pay for them (not that they each need a bunch of stuff but that they all have shelter, food and love) then it's between you and your husband and possibly your existing kids.

Carla - posted on 09/09/2010

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I'm from a family of 6. I know people with 7-8 and more, I'm from the state that the Duggar family is from!! I think the perfect number is the amount that God gives you. I know people with one, that if it were left up to me, they shouldn't have one, I know people with way more and they could take on twenty. This is between you and your husband and God. Each child is a gift and who knows he/she might be the one who cures cancer, or brings earthly peace to the world, or who is just a good person. I only have one, (I was nearly old enough to be her grandmother when I had her!) but would have loved to have a dozen like her. Remember though, the Bible says children can be either a blessing or a curse~~but that depends on how YOU do your job. God bless your family.

Karen - posted on 09/09/2010

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I have 4. I am not gonna lie, it can be a bit crazy at times and there are times that I am not sure I am cut out for it. But they are a huge blessing and I wouldn't trade any of them for anything! Plus I know God won't give me more than I can handle. People do often react a bit negatively or with shock when I say I have 4, even here in North Idaho where it is fairly common. So now I say, "I just have 4 kids." When I make it sound like it isn't very many, then they don't respond as negatively it seems. The important thing, like most others have said, is that you do what is right for you and your family and not worry about what others think or say. Best wishes to you and enjoy baby number 4 - I love my baby number 4 to death. She is hilarious!

Mary - posted on 09/09/2010

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Don't take this the wrong way, but by virtue of consulting with your children regarding an adult decision, you make me feel you weren't ready for the first 3. With whom did you discuss those pregnancies? The decision to be a parent should be made by informed, free-thinking adults who can make their own decisions. You asked for opinions. So there is mine.

Sai - posted on 09/09/2010

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I never felt like my family was done until our #4 arrived. I grew up with 2 siblings and always wanted a sister. When I had 2 boys and one girl I hope and prayed for another girl to round out our group and that's just what I got. boy girl boy girl... 2 years apart each... pairs work for me!

Becky - posted on 09/09/2010

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Of course not! I have a friend who fully intends to have TEN. Yes, I'm serious. And my sister-in-law is dead set on only having one. It's a personal choice and every family is different. The things to consider are logistics:

- How old you and your husband are. Will you have the energy to chase after a toddler and keep up with the busy life of a teenager when those times come?

- Finances. Can you afford a fourth child and still live within your means? You have experience already, so you know that the older they get the more expensive they are, so you can be well-prepared for the extra costs of adding a fourth child to your life.

- Space in your home. Do you have a plan for where all of your children will sleep? Everyone needs personal space; will adding a baby to the family encroach upon someone else's space?

- Reasons for wanting another. Is it because you miss babies? Is it because you feel very strongly that you want a family of six? If it's the former, consider starting a babysitting service or volunteering in a hospital (if they allow that). If it's the latter, then it may be that a fourth child is right for you.

Don't let anyone else - family, friends, random people on a mom forum - tell you how big or small to make your family. It's YOUR life and only you can make that call. Just make sure you weigh all the options, consider all the ramifications, and make an informed, wise decision. And don't be afraid to change your minds, either. :)

Good luck!

Joy - posted on 09/09/2010

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No it's not strange! I love children and I had four. I had three girls first and then I had a boy. If you can afford it and you love children why not have another?

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