Valerie - posted on 01/18/2013 ( 12 moms have responded )
I don't know if this actually applies to my children or more to myself. But it involves my children's stepmother. It has been almost 4 years that she has been with my ex-husband. From the very first week of our separation she was right there to jump in and start acting the mom to my children, against my protests to my ex. During the past few years she has actively participated in my divorce proceedings, custody hearings, and child support hearings, even trying to speak up on occasion on behalf of my ex even though it was not a matter that involved her. I was not in love with my ex any more when we separated, so it was not sour grapes that prompted my disapproval of her. It was every behavior and action that was taken starting the week she lay claim to my children and her sense of entitlement that my ex gave her to be their mother. Over and over again, I voiced my protest or request for more reasonable boundaries when it came to her role as the step-parent but I was ignored. I finally filed a restraining order against my ex citing harassment. It was denied which was no surprise to me but I was at least heard out in court regarding my concerns with him cutting me out as the mother and substituting his new wife. At every opportunity he places her between us and tries to force me to communicate to her about the children, instead of discussions with him. I tried filing a civil harassment restraining order against her but the judge said it was a domestic order, and the family court said it was a civil one.
I enrolled my children in a religious private school. This woman is not my religion but she has taken upon herself to actively engage in volunteering a majority of her time at this school. Originally I thought it might be a haven for myself to socialize with people of like mind, but now I am faced with seeing her as well as her family, at social events designed for the parents of this school. I really want to move on with my life, but I feel that wherever I turn I am faced with this extremely unpleasant reminder of a person who has no respect for my role as a mother or even a human being. Last week she attempted to humiliate me in public by presenting me with my ex-husband's payment and making me sign for it in front of the parent association people that were present for the meeting. I get feedback that people think her behavior is inappropriate but the school says their hands are tied when it comes to accepting her volunteerism. A couple times she has been confrontational with me at the school, telling me I was not allowed to sit with my daughter at an event, and another time she brought up personal business in front of other volunteers. Is there any legal recourse I have to get this person out of my life and minimize the time she volunteers? I get that people say my children benefit, but how does it benefit my children for her to be involved in social events that I am attending which have nothing to do with the children? This woman has her own child and does not volunteer at his school, so I have to wonder what her motivation is behind doing so for mine? I feel like I am dealing with a poor maladjusted person without any sense of propriety, shame, or boundaries. It seems to me that she is trying to bully me and intimidate me from being involved with my own children. I want to be happy in my life, but it is difficult with her hanging around every corner.