What should you do when your childs biological father want to come back into the picture after 15 ye

LISA - posted on 04/23/2009

I see myself in your shoes in another 7 years and that scares me! My daughter hasn't seen her father since she was 2. She does ask about him occasionally. I have never said a bad word to her about him, regardless of how I feel about him. I think that if this happens to me, as it has to you, I would first make sure that he is sincere and going to be consistent in her life. If he can't guarantee that, then it will only hurt your daughter more in the long run. If he can be sincere about that, then I would leave the choice up to her.... and she may not want him around after not having him all these years. Good luck! Let us know how things turn out!!! :)

Sharon - posted on 04/23/2009

You should both sit down and talk and if you feel he is sincere and really want to be in your daughter's life and be a father to her than give him another chance. I know that's hard, but we must forgive one another for the things that we do to each other. Pray on it and ask the Lord for direction on what to do. You should also talk to your daughte to see how she feel about her biological father wanting to finally become a father to his daughter. You should speak with her first, because she's old enough to voice her opinion.

Tiffany - posted on 04/23/2009

Speaking from experience, I would go ahead and let your daughter decide wether or not she would want him in her life. It would keep his and your personnal feelings toward each other put aside. He does have a right to see her, even with his denial, but you should defenitly be there with your daughter and for your daughter. Hope this is at all helpful, I went througha dad coming back into my life and it was easier to just deside for myself rather then let then tell me what was best. I also have to go through the same with my five year old whose father choose not to be in her life, but my husband has been there since she was a baby.....so please let me know how it goes and Good Luck to you both

Kathleen - posted on 04/23/2009

I think at your daugthers age she'll understand. But i would ask her if she wants to meet her biological daugther, My babys daddy wanted to see my daugther after 5 years and because I've changed my life. I dont want any drama between me and her daddy. so to be civil about it, Its totally up for you to decided and see what your daugther says. If she says No, then just let your husband know. Its been 15 years and now you want to step into her life, She doesnt want to see you. If your daugther says yes, then just let her know you'll be their for her no matter what. Just have a civil tlak between your babys daughter and see what your husband thinks of this. Its sometimes good to have your best frends advice for this ...good Luck..

Susan - posted on 04/23/2009

The reason I ask this question is, bcause I myself had a child out of wedlock and her bio never had relations with mine either. Fortunately never has, my husband has since adopted her. But although, your daughter is the age she is..she doesn't know this man and it could difficult for her to make such a desision on her own.

Veronica - posted on 04/23/2009

Wow, that's a hard one. How does your daughter feel about it? I think she's old enough now to make this decision on her own. She may not want to meet him but if she does, you should support her in planning this meeting but don't let him be alone with her.

My daughter is just now realizing at 12 how much of a looser her biological father is and now she doesn't even care to have a relationship with him. I feel sorry for him because she's such a wonderful person...his loss. But I never bad mouthed him to her and if he called to talk to her, I never kept her from him but I never forced it on him to be a father to her...he still to this day has never given me a dime in child support. She sees it now that she's older that he doesn't know how to love anyone but himself...but I've always made it clear that it wasn't her...it was him and his issues. Best of luck to you and your daughter.

Rose - posted on 04/23/2009

if she is 15y.o i would sit her down and explain the situation with out making the father look bad, let her decide what she wants. she is most likly more mature than you think and if you have a great relationship with her she will respect you and keep you informed with what she wants. and most of all be there for her even if she makes a bad choice. you are mummy and no one can take that away for you

Barbara - posted on 04/23/2009

You can hear him out - sounds like he has some regrets - if he wants to be in your daughter's life I think that would be a decision that you and your daughter need to make. Chances are people don't change - if he wasn't responsible 15 years ago - he probably isn't responsible now....but I'd at least hear him out - on your terms

Rachel - posted on 04/23/2009

That is a good question! But even if he hasn't...maybe he's ready to make amends, and realizes what he did wrong in the past?

Susan - posted on 04/23/2009

Jacquetta,,,If I understand correctly your 15 yr. old daughter's bio father wants to regain a relationship with her...has he paid any kind of support for her at all?

Rachel - posted on 04/23/2009

I think you should call him and talk it over, ask why he wants to do it and if he is serious about being in his daughter's life. Tell him that coming in and out could hurt everyone, now and in the long run. See what he says, then talk to your daughter about her feelings. I worry that I will also have this problem in the years to come.

Cassie - posted on 04/23/2009

I think at your daughter's age, you could ask her how she wants you to handle the situation. She is growing up and has experienced life without her father. Allow her to make the ultimate decision about her father. If she wants to see him, back her up and do all that you can to support her. If she doens't want to see him, do the same. Support her and help her through this time as it will probably be difficult for her in either decision.

Jacquetta - posted on 04/23/2009

I have no regrets on the decision that made about my baby and she is 15 and beautiful