What to call private parts?

Adrianne - posted on 04/16/2012

Regards "Bless the beasts and children. They have no voice, they have no choice." It is an old expression, the author long forgotten, methinks. It means that both are dependent on others, the decisions of others, support and guidance of others, their survival depends on others.

Whether a good master or bad, determines the dog's fate, he can not speak or vote or change his circumstances. So too a child, hostage to good, bad, indifferent parenting. Nurture or Nature? Environment or Born?



And so, bless them, protect them, their destiny and welfare, is in your hands. They have no choice.

Adrianne - posted on 04/16/2012

Certain things are rightfully private, Cheri. Letting it "all hang out" may be modern but it is not in self interest nor your child's best interest.

There is nothing wrong w/modesty and everything right with it.

Sigh.

There was a line in an old movie that resounded with me, it was called "Bloom in Love." The pregnant woman learned her husband (Bloom, played by George Segal) was having an affair. Here she was, large with child, for the moment "trapped" and of course, furious. Her line, speaking to her unborn child: "If you're a boy, I'm going to teach you to respect women. If you're a girl, I'm going to teach you to respect yourself."

I thought it poignant and important enough to incorporate this into my own child rearing.



By minimizing the personal physical components, we minimize in the psychological component, we teach our children that their bodies are not integral part of self, not to be protected or kept "private," for intimates not for public use.

The proliferation of serial and recreational sex, at ever younger ages, IMO, is a direct result of the minimization of body worth which is directly tied to self worth.

Am old enough to have witnessed the "before" and the after, I think these (what I would term "reduced") standards has led directly to the number of children born out of wedlock, the increased number of abortions, the proliferation of STDs.

Because our young girls are defacto taught that their bodies are not to be "protected" and kept private.

Media, advertising, entertainment all contribute to this notion that girls' worth is based on looks and bed partners.

Government subornes this with their education that sex at 12, 14 is "normal," and protecting our children becomes much more difficult to undo in their teenage years, when peer pressure is stronger than parental.

When we are raising our children in a culture that sells thongs for 5 year olds, advertises by selling sex, pharmaceuticals and surgery commoditize their bodies, what leap then, for our girls to conclude their self worth and value is in their bodies and "attractability," and our boys to practice "why by the cow when you can get the mill for free."

Am sorry I'm running all over the place with this, I hope I am articulating it well enough to get the point across.

But coming from the "free love," "make love, not war," generations, being one who broke the barriers into business for future generations of women to follow, can tell you NONE of it was free.

And our girls pay the price, get old young, pull triple duty, home, work, kids, the old paradiagms were in retrospect not as bad as they were painted. And the middle ground has yet to be reached.

It's good parenting to let your kids be kids. Yes, protect them. Like a mama bear. But they are not adults. The European model is an outgrowth of their history of child labor, too. Would you have that for your kids?

Cheri - posted on 04/16/2012

Adriane-I didn't understand your post at all. If Europeans walk around naked, then how are they not letting kids be kids? No one's talking about child abuse, here. Maybe they're just not sexualizing everything the same way American's do.



The rest of what you said sounds like FB quotes and so I can't make sense of them. sorry.

Adrianne - posted on 04/16/2012

I wouldn't hold the socialist Eropeans up as models, there is a reason our American ancestors expatriated.

And teaching and exposing children to public nudity is to make them deal w/adult issues, titilate them when their emotional, intellectual, physical years are simply not ready, makes no sense.

To what end?

Let children be children. Let them have their childhood innocence as long as possible. The workings of the adult world will come soon enough.

Bless the beasts and children. They have no voice, they have no choice.

Cheri - posted on 04/16/2012

Debbie Z-



Ok. I know your kid didn't have a rash, I just misunderstood what you were trying to say in that post about why it would be anyone else's business. Yeah, I don't believe that anyone needs to know your son's business either, friends or not. Just doctor. I can understand maybe 2 parents discussing (as friends) "Oh, my baby has diaper rash" and getting advice about an infant, but I never could understand why anyone needs that much info about their older child that they cannot ask a doctor.

Lynne - posted on 04/16/2012

As a school teacher I strongly suggest that you teach and use appropriate terms as early as possible. I realize that these names may not stick when they are in the home or locker room but they will also alert someone if something is wrong. We had a girl in Kindergarten at one point who kept telling people her "pocketbook" was hurting. It took several days and investigating to learn that she had a Urinary Tract Infection because her "pocketbook" was her vagina. It got very serious before we even knew what to do. If we are going to teach our children about sexual safety they need to know what to call it that all will understand.

Debbie - posted on 04/16/2012

Just a question To Debbie Z....If your son has a rash (as in your example), just WHO would you be telling where you'd need to describe it anyway? The doctor? Then call it a penis. Your friends? They should know what a penis is. Strangers? I'd question any parent discussing those things in person with strangers especially if in front of the kid (not saying you do...just pointing out a few things).

I wasn't saying that my child did have a rash or that I discuss it with others. I was replying to the original post. Like I said my son knows what the real names of his body parts are. When I take him to the Dr. I use the proper terms, but at home I could care less what he calls it, unless its something crude, like posted in my post. As far as my friends go I dont tell my sons business, they dont have kids, so I dont talk about his privates, I will to my mom IF theres an issue, which so far there hasnt been. In the long run it wont matter what you or I call it, because once in school and around other kids they are going to come home calling it
God only knows what.

Debbie - posted on 04/16/2012

no your not old! I totally agree. It goes to my email and says someone responded to your post and then you cant find anything, very frustrating!

Heather - posted on 04/16/2012

This is exactly why Americans are uncomfortable with their bodies, ie: breast feeding in public, using the proper terms for their body parts and even nudity...ever go to Europe? They are so comfortable with them selves b/c they won't allow for this. I taught my kids from the beginning vagina b/c well that is what it is! Recently, I took my daughter who is 2 to the Dr. b/c I thought she ma have a UTI..Dr. says to her what hurts her reply my vagina so he says lets check it out..there was no guessing game as to what was going on and sure enough that was the issue. It's helpful and appropriate and empowering for them to know!

Cheri - posted on 04/16/2012

Just a question To Debbie Z....If your son has a rash (as in your example), just WHO would you be telling where you'd need to describe it anyway? The doctor? Then call it a penis. Your friends? They should know what a penis is. Strangers? I'd question any parent discussing those things in person with strangers especially if in front of the kid (not saying you do...just pointing out a few things).



The OP made it everyone's business when she posted the question on a public forum. She asked for answers, and got them, whether she/you or anyone else agrees or not.



We are the children's parents. If they want to call their penis a johnson, that's on them, but when you are teaching it to them, why teach it to them that way? That's slang. I try to teach my kids Proper English from the beginning, and leave slang for the crap they learn in school. IDK maybe *I'm* the oddball?

Traci - posted on 04/16/2012

Wel my sn is very young and i havent had to discuss his parts with him yet and suprisingly my 3 year old daughter hasnt asked what they are either. But when talking about her parts i usually use private parts for her vagina and bum for bum, i cal her chest just a chest, it seems strange to call them her breasts since she obviously doesnt have any yet but she has called them that because thats what ive told her mine are. I'll use penis when the time comes and i have used vagina a couple times but i find that penis is a more commonly used word then vagina and just easier to say.

Angela - posted on 04/16/2012

Hi Kiersten,

My child knew the proper terms for his penis, butt, and other body parts since he could talk. In my opinion, it is better to use proper terms for all the words he learns, including penis, testicles, etc. We are also raising our son bilingual, so he knows all of his body parts, including penis, butt, and that mama has breasts, in 2 languages. Maybe because I am a doctor, I don't consider human anatomy vulgar.

Karen - posted on 04/16/2012

Thank you Sherri....I had hoped to be able to see the response and reply back if necessary. Sometimes the responses are a bit snippy and misunderstood! Yikes!

Sherri - posted on 04/16/2012

When you get an e-mail saying that someone responded to your post it really only means someone else posted on the thread Karen.

Karen - posted on 04/16/2012

It would be nice if when another person responds to your post one could go directly to it instead of having to guess where it is!!! : | But I'm old....what do I know.

Debbie - posted on 04/16/2012

After reading all these I guess Im just a oddball! My sons about to be 7 and even though he knows the name we've always called them silly things... LIke his Hootie and the blowfish He still calls it his hootie. Or his family jewels or his money maker, etc. H thinks its funny and we dont see it as a big deal. He's big enough now to make up his own stuff like his sausage and eggs.. I think that when you put the medical name to it your making it so clinical. Its his body and its funny to him. I draw the line at him being 'gross' at this age, like balls, or nuts, or nads. But another note, I always wonder why people have to make things their business. If your son has a rash, why do they need to know where? You could say 'down there' then your not calling it anything really.

Phyllis - posted on 04/16/2012

A lawyer would say give a truthful name because then if any person did anything in appropriate, they could tell you accurately. You could use cute names too for the warm

and fuzzy affect

Jannie - posted on 04/16/2012

I try to use the proper names, but I wasn't raised that way. So I find myself uncomfortable using real terms too (despite my determination to get over it). Instead of referring to his testes, why not refer to the skin around them? The skin around them is called the "scrotum", which is not only the official term but also a word that hasn't been socially demonized like "testicles" and isn't as vulgar as "balls". That's a word I'm more comfortable using in conversation. I've also heard it referred to as "pouch" or "bag" or "package". But somehow, scrotum sounds more polite to me than these other nick names.



When we talk about them generally or in public, we talk about "my front" and "my bottom", and for girls "my chest" because that's where the private parts are. We also taught our kids the proper names when they were potty training so when they need to be specific they can... If there's a rash, where is it? "On my front." Where did you get hit? "My chest." If I ask what part of their front or chest got hurt, they can be specific. They can tell me it was their scrotum or vagina, the nipple or the breast, but I don't have to ask those questions when there's other company present.



I hope that's helpful.

Laura - posted on 04/16/2012

We call them bojangles. The kids crack up & it makes light of the issue. Sounds less vulgar than "balls" too.

Phyllis - posted on 04/16/2012

My friend called a baby's penis a "tallywhacker." Lol

Annie - posted on 04/16/2012

His little sac I use to call these bits and bobs John Thomas but then Imhad a patient called John Thomas so I changed do not worry bless him just call them his private parts

Cristina - posted on 04/16/2012

i call them the little bag of surprise...i dont know what other people call them...but as he grows older i will tell him that its called a scrotum .... hope this was helpful.
c

Nicole - posted on 04/16/2012

Yes that is vulgur.. my sister call them lil grapies...lol!!

Amy - posted on 04/16/2012

I believe that body parts should be given their appropriate names from the beginning. I am a nurse, so possibly this comes easier to me than to others. I have both a son and a daughter. My daughter has known the word vagina and my son the words penis and testicles from birth. Because we were so comfortable with this language, it creates an enviroment where our children are not uncomforatble asking questions about their bodies (last week my 10 year old son asked "Mom, why do I have extra skin on my penis?" He is circumcised, so we explained about foreskins and circumcison.) He was not the least bit embarrased to ask this question, and it naturally led to other questions about bodies that were totally age appropriate. When he asked about girls, I used the correct anatomical terms for vagina, uterus, and ovaries.



Why give a body part a name, and then have to backpedal in a few years and say "Well, we called that part of your body a winkie when you were little, but it's really called a penis."? Then you have to answer the question, "Why didn't you tell me the right name when I was little?"

Regina - posted on 04/16/2012

My son's preschool got upset because my 5 year old said his "penis" was bothering him. I think he had a hard on? Who knows?? They told me they do not use that word!! What word they wanted him to use, I am unsure just said not to say it at all!!

Jillian - posted on 04/16/2012

Our three girls are 10, 9 and 7. As of right now, boobs are boobs (or chest), but the entire area between the legs is their butt! They came up with that on their own! Soon, I'll be teaching the older two the correct names as they approach menstrual cycle time, but for now, they know that NO ONE is to touch their private areas, which are anything covered by their bathing suits. The ONLY exception is a doctor, and only if mommy or daddy is in the room.

Dawn Van - posted on 04/16/2012

Oh, I lied....sorry! Our son, thanks to Toy Story actually refers to his penis as his "biscuits". *eyeroll* THANKS, DISNEY PIXAR!

Maria - posted on 04/16/2012

Well having been a Preschool Teacher for a decade I can tell you that most schools encourage us to use the correct anatomical name for body parts because if anyone was to ever touch your child in an inappropriate manner, winky would not hold up in court.



However, before I knew this and went back to school we called my son's testicles his buddy's .

Sheila - posted on 04/16/2012

I agree as soon as we start naming our body parts something else to our children for me I feel as i am trying to tell them it is nasty what there proper names are. I am raising boys and i just was straight with them no cute names no nick names for there body and mine.

Kris - posted on 04/16/2012

Actually, it sounds like you already got a lot of great advice. I am an RN and we use the proper anatomical names for all body parts. However, this does not come without its difficulties. I have received some criticism from members of the family. Most of the time my son refers to his penis and testicles as his "private parts." That's usually said prior to telling me in private which "private part" is bothering him or whatever the case may be. The main thing is that no one can really fault any child or adult who uses the proper terminology.

Kathy - posted on 04/16/2012

Do you prefer "sack" that's what we call it... or simply go with scrotum.

Danielle - posted on 04/16/2012

I am medical so it is medical terms. My son knows them and he is confused on why they are seen as bad words. People make it sound like we are cussing everywhere in the doctors office.

Meghann - posted on 04/16/2012

I have 2 boys, 2 and 3, and we call their penis "pee-pee." (Mainly because my 3 year old has a slight lisp and it's easier to say than penis. We're also potty training and it made since to him that pee came out of his pee-pee.) My 3 year old just asked recently what his testicles were called and we told him testicles. They have pointed at my boobs and asked what they are and we tell them boobs. I have a relative that calls her daughters breasts "rosebuds" and I think that's just ridiculous. Just like other people have already mentioned, if your child is hurt, or worse, they need to know how to describe where they are hurt. If mom isn't around and a child says her "secrets", "rose buds", "muffin" etc, hurt, it may just cause more confusion instead of helping. My cousin also doesn't use 'proper" terms for farting, burping, sweat, etc. I don't see any shame in calling it like it is, a fart is simply a fart, not a "putt-putt!" Same goes for our body parts...there is no shame in our bodies and I feel that creating overly "g-rated" names for them just tells our children that there is something bad or shameful about them.

Dawn Van - posted on 04/16/2012

Your MIL sounds like a real class act!!
I would think "testicles" will do just fine. Tell her to stop referring to them as "balls" around him. What would she think if he suddenly blurted out, "Oh, my balls hurt" while in public? Yep...good going Grandma. Yeesh.

Joanne - posted on 04/16/2012

how 'bout ballies.

Dawn Van - posted on 04/16/2012

It is simply a penis and/or a vagina. Why bother making cutesy names up? Teach them proper names of everything and that way they'll never be confused.

Maureen - posted on 04/16/2012

You always should refer to body parts by their anatomical name. Penis, testicles, scrotum, there is only one name for an elbow...so why would a person call it something else? My children are grown and are professionals in their lives, how redundant would it be to use cutsie names? Same things with bodily functions. I know a man who was raised using the non-anatomically correct words and when he was at the doctor, the nurse brought in a suppository for him to insert himself and he didn't know to use the rectum, instead he took it orally. This was neglect on his mother's part for not teaching her children correct names for body parts and functions. He was so terribly embarrassed when the doctor explained to him how it should have been inserted.

Teresa - posted on 04/16/2012

oh, PS, they have an older sister, that is why they know the word to begin with. I'm anticipating questions about why little boys need to know the word vagina. It was taught in the context of why their sister didn't have a penis like them :)

Teresa - posted on 04/16/2012

I have always used the correct terms with my kids, but I now wish I hadn't!! My 3 and 4 yr old sons think it's hilarious to say the word vagina while out in public and mortify me! The 3 yr old's new favorite phrase is "poopy vagina head", lol. I know the wisdom of using correct terminology to not create shame in body, etc, but I really wish I had used some obscure term that no one would know about. Geting sick of the strange looks when my 3 yr old starts yelling vagina in a crowded store :)

Birgit - posted on 04/16/2012

I call my son's parts what they are. If I was too embarassed to talk about them that would set a bad example for him. And it's primarily because there are a lot of sickos out there and as a social worker, if anyone touches my child, I don't want there to be any question or hesitation on the part of law enforcement or other adults because they were confused about what he was talking about. Call them testicles. That's what they are. But I guess if you aren't using the correct term for penis you could make up some other term. I guess you have to go with what you are comfortable with. For my family, we use the real term and I have not had a problem with my son running around using it inappropriately. We started naming his parts early on during bathtime and would just name penis as if it were his feet or any other part. He was a little over a year then and he's almost 4 now. We use real terms because I want him to be comfortable with his body and not ever ashamed by it, so that hopefully no one is ever able to manipulate him. That's my hope anyway. I also talk to him regularly on who can touch him where and our pediatrician reminds him too when she has him undress in her office. Maybe I am on the extreme because not only am I a social worker but I am a survivor of sexual abuse as a child. But him knowing his penis is a penis and his scrotum is a scrotum or testicles is not going to scar him. Having someone touch him inappropriately and not being believed down the line will. And I started it early because I knew I would not be the only person to have contact with my child. He goes to school now and now you don't just have to worry about the adults in your kid's life but other children as well. So I want him to be well informed and well educated. But you have to do whatever you feel most comfortable with. Good luck finding a name.

Samantha - posted on 04/16/2012

My sister in law has a son who is about to turn two and she also isn't a big fan of "balls" or "testicles". It hasn't been much of an issue for him because he's still so young. I'm not sure I'd worry about what he is calling them at 15 months because I'm betting he isn't do a ton of talking quite yet. But they call them his penuts because of his 4 year old sister who called them his "nuts" which did not make my sister in law too happy. So they call the whole kit and caboodle his peanuts to make it more kid friendly.

Michele - posted on 04/16/2012

first of all....my sons pediatrician commented that he had "great balls"....vulgar maybe...but I found it funny coming from a DR. we taught our son the proper name for all his body parts. There is nothing to be embarrased about...an arm is an arm, a leg a leg etc....why should the penis, scrotum, testicals be any different. If we are embarrased by these terms so will our kids. That being said, when our son was 3 we did have a talk with him about where, when and with whom you talk about these body parts and what they do (after riding the bus and he asked why his penis got hard).....

Kristie - posted on 04/16/2012

my 4(almost 5) year old calls it her privacy. we call it peepee and bum or hiney and girl/boy parts. with my 9 year old we use the correct terms. We actually call it alot of names. it just depends on what they need to hear it called at that time. We also use pecker, ass, nuts, the girls also know they have boobs(or will one day).

Karin - posted on 04/16/2012

My son calls his penis a pee-pee. His rear end is butt or hiney. We don't refer to his testicles at all only because he hasn't asked but when he does, I will likely call them balls. I don't think it sounds vulgar, that's what they are. He calls my vagina a pee-pee too but knows I have breasts and what they are for. He has asked me questions about them and I told him that's how he was fed when he was a baby, that ladies breasts make milk, etc. When he gets a little older, he will know the correct term but for now, I like to keep him as innocent as long as I can.

Thelma - posted on 04/16/2012

For my lil BOY....he knows he has a "Peanut" and Girls have Pee Pees!...Lol!!! When he's older he'll know the "right" term but for now that's what he calls it!..:)

Kathryn - posted on 04/16/2012

I have two little girls ages 2 and 4 years old. We call it their "pee-pee" & "bum", I will teach them the proper words when they are older. But for now that is what we are comfortable saying.

Allyson - posted on 04/16/2012

scrotum. Why use fake names. I have always used the correct names of their body parts. Glad I did with my daughter. She was molested when she was 5 almost 6 and when she had to talk to the police and a nurse without me they started calling them her private parts and she looked at them funny like what are you talking about. When they showed her a picture (pencil drawing) of a person male and female she new where to point to and said vagina because she new the REAL name not fake silly ones that people call them. I am not being rude. I just believe being open with your child is the best way. I have always told her she can talk to me about anything, and I am glad I did.
But seeing age is only 15 months I'd keep it toned down to his scale but I don't like it when family calls them balls etc. either. Good luck.

Leigh - posted on 04/16/2012

I say testicles. It is what it is. I call a vagina just that, the same goes for penis (sometimes pecker). I just don't see the rationale behind calling your private parts something else? An elbow is an elbow and so on right? Tell it's his t-pack if you really hate testicles.

Lorrie - posted on 04/16/2012

Keirsten,
By now you have read the consensus. Here is a big picture answer for you. Your son will grow up and laugh at any terminology other than anatomical. While it is not harmful to use nicknames, it is never too soon to teach them accurate names. Just an fyi,many men will name their private parts and chances are it stems from this practice of giving them nicknames early on. Good luck in figuring out what is best for your son.

Celine - posted on 04/16/2012

I have always used the correct terms for all body parts, even so my kids sometimes use slang words, they do this with friends to be cool, but I know they know the correct term. Recently my older daughter was on a course to do with age appropriate sex ed, she was asked to write down words re. Sexuality, and when I read it she had Mary written down. I asked her what the name Mary had to do with the exercise, she said she couldn't spell vagina. Well it gave us a giggle. So now its not the knowing with my kids, it's the spelling.