What to do?

Melanie - posted on 03/09/2010

Rebecca, Do you have somewhere else for you and your daughter to go? Your boyfriend is not truly committed to you or your daughter if he's threatening to kick you out over a computer! I Have gone through this before and it's hard because you really Want it to work out, but you cannot control who your boyfriend is or how he behaves. You Can't change him and make him behave in the loving way you and your daughter deserve. First, you should express these thoughts to him in a calm way, stating "it makes me feel........when you put your computer before our daughter & me. Use this language as it won't be as offensive to him. See how the talk goes and decide from there. Love ya, Melanie.

Devan - posted on 03/09/2010

There are some days that I think I am the only person who can pull myself away from World of Warcraft >,

~Jennifer - posted on 03/09/2010

Thank you for your responses to this question.

Lawanna - posted on 03/09/2010

The truth of the matter is that you are both still young. That being said woman tend to mature faster then men, especially when a child is involved. You have to start making decisions that are best for you child. I'm not saying to leave him but get help with the situation. Are your parents or his parents helping or involved. Let him know what you expect and what the consquences will be.

April - posted on 03/09/2010

I know a lot of people are telling you that you should just leave him, but, since it is a lot better for the children to have parents that stay together, I think leaving him should only be used as a last resort (and in abusive situations of course). I don't know your religious views or anything, but for my marriage, the study of Theology of the Body has really been eye-opening for me. I feel it has increased my self-respect, my husband's respect for me, and has helped us understand each other and really appreciate and love each other. If you're interested, Theology of His/Her Body is a nice little introduction and you can probably find it on amazon for less than $10.

Amanda - posted on 03/09/2010

you already know that tummy time for your daughter is the best therapy, try getting him to get involved with that atleast...tell him to pleaqse qtleast interact for 1 hour with the both of you for tummy time and he may see the rewards of the smiles and coos that she will give him...otherwise he is going to miss out and he will eventiually regret that...you do have a job its called being a mom and whoever says get a job, remind them that you have one and if you have the opportunity to stay at home with your child that is first. take care of you and your daughter, pile his clothes on the computer chair and any other mmesses he has around the house, then he may get the message tht you mean it that you cant raise 2 babies.

Leslie - posted on 03/09/2010

From my experience, It will only get worse

Jane - posted on 03/09/2010

Sounds like you've already had alot of replies. I haven't read them all, but speaking from my experience growing up with parents who fought constantly, sometimes being apart is healthier for the child. I'm not going to say leave your boyfriend, that is a decision that you will need to make after much thought and planning... but staying with the father for the sake of your child when he doesn't act like a father may not be in her best interest. Especially if he doesn't even treat you like an equal. If my husband wouldn't let me talk to his friends and obviously didn't trust me, we would have some major problems! I'm sorry that he treats you that way, you are NOT inferior and deserve better.



What I really wanted to comment on though was your parents... you said that they don't pay attention to your requests about your daughter's needs, mainly not putting her on her feet as the therapist said this is bad for her right now. Yes, parents always think they know best, some are more vocal than others... I hate to say but it often doesn't get better! My suggestion would be to ask your parents to come along with you to one of your daughter's physio appointments, so the specialist can explain to them why this is bad. Perhaps they're assuming at your young age that you don't know any better, and need to be told by a professional. When it comes to advice, I like to remind my mother and MIL that they raised their children (in my case) 30+ years ago, and alot has changed... so while you appreciate their words of wisdom, you would like to do things your way. Other times I just smile and say thanks, then go about doing things the way I want them done anyway. This is your child and you have every right to tell people how you want them to act with her. You're the parent.



Good luck!

Shelly - posted on 03/09/2010

Is he depressed?

Karen - posted on 03/09/2010

What puzzles me is that you start off talking about your daughter being far behind for her age, and then immediately go into how irresponsible her father is being. I believe that we moms do too much comparisons as far as where our children should be developmentally, and it needs to stop. She is only 10 months and has TONS more milestones, so just enjoy them as they come! As far as your boyfriend, you know what needs to be done - just find the courage to do it!

Lisa - posted on 03/09/2010

I agree with a lot of people on here. He's not taking responsibility. ALL he does is pay rent. That's not exactly all that needs to be done to take care of a family. Trust me, it will not change. If he doesn't want anything to do with y'all when he gets home, what will change his mind? He's got it in his mind that he works and YOU do everything else since you are at home so he thinks he can do whatever he feels like doing. Please think this one over. Good luck.

Amanda - posted on 03/09/2010

i was a very young mom as well, and the most absolute solution is to tell him to either grow up or get out. unless you want to raise 2 babies.

Kari - posted on 03/09/2010

I'd be looking for another place to live. It's not worth the aggravation on your part and he's not bonding with your child anyway. He will lose out on forming a bond with her and you can't get that back. This is the time to create that bond and he's not doing it on the computer. I'm sure there is someone you could stay with until you figured out where you and your baby could move to.

Amber - posted on 03/09/2010

Hi Rebecca, I have been in your situation, only my husband had to work from home after he came home from his full time job. You just have to be persistent and remind him that he is now responsible for his child as well as you and him and that he has to spare time to spend with family and not go on the computer. The best thing to do is set a time....which you have tried, but be persistent....do you have family or friends nearby to help you or just to spend time with? It must be hard for you, it took us many years to work together..so keep trying.

Grandma - posted on 03/09/2010

You have another child on your hands, he's only 18 and probably didn't like his mother telling him what to do and probably feels the same why when you tell him to do or not to do things. It's time he acts like the man and father he is suppose to be and take responsibility for his actions, which was making a baby. If he won't now, he probably never will. He expects you to clean up after him just like a mommy. Sorry, but it looks like you have a full plate on your hands. Computer games are very addicting to most people who play them. Maybe he needs some help if he doesn't know how to turn the thing off and act like a father and mate.

Kim - posted on 03/09/2010

"The other option is to completely ignore him. Do everything for you and your daughter and just keep him out of the picture. Do not clean up after him, make his meals etc. He will catch on quickly"



I think this piece of advice from marcy is the best! Men don't like to be ignored.

Laurie - posted on 03/09/2010

Any chance you could make an agreement that the computer is locked out until after 9 p.m......If he does not have the self control to put his kiddo first then maybe you could gently ask him if he would be willing to lock out the computer til your baby goes to bed. These are really critical times as far as brain developement is concerned and your baby will only get further behind if not properly stimulated and interacted with. If he does not agree to locking the computer til her bed time then I would encourage you to make the most of the daylight hours with her....stimulate her, read to her, talk to her, offer her appropriate toys and then if she has three hours of "down time" when your boyfriend is in charge at least you know she has had wonderful interaction during the day. Hang in there.

Brandee - posted on 03/09/2010

For some strange reason some men don't seem to bond with their children until they can interact a little bit more. This just might be the case.

Is the reason he is taking her from 6-9pm to give you a little break? If so, take that break. If your daughter is happy sitting in her saucer or swing she is fine. Even though he is gaming....he's got one eye her so just make sure u do something outside the house to give him a chance to learn how to be a Dad. Unfortunately when we become Mom's we don't get the same chance men do to ease into it. But I find we also expect the Dad's to know how to do it just as well as we do. Never gonna happen and that's why we're the Mom!!! :)

I really hope this helps.......stay positive and I promise everything will work out.

Amy - posted on 03/09/2010

It is much more important to worry about your daughter then your boyfriend. How delayed is she? Is she in early intervention physio and occupational therapy? The things she learns now are important for her to catch up. If you ever have any questions just ask. My daughter is 18 months old and is globally delayed. I have gone through everything I can so far to help her develop. She is quite far behind at least half her age from a seizure disorder. (Also the sweetest thing I've ever met!) Good luck and ask away, I have researched a ton of handy tools and fun exercises to help her.

Melinda - posted on 03/09/2010

Your boyfriend is very immature as well. Your child may be delayed. I am a mother of 2. 1 son is Mentally Retarded and 25 now. Your daughter need appropriate stimulation in order to learn. Sitting in a swing and/or saucer is NOT good for her, especially since she is 10 months old. Contact your local school to connect with Early Childhood Educators to do an evaluation on your daughter. They will not only give you things to do in order for her to advance but will also work with her regularly. Once she is evaluated, you can apply for SSI, through Social Security to support you in buying educational activities for her. As well, should you end up being kicked out, it will give you a bit of money to survive and take care of her. This takes MONTHS to qualify so start now. This will also allow you to qualify for medical assistance for her. You will need that. Stay strong. Realize your baby girl will learn and advance, just possibly slowly. I was just like you when my youngest was 4 and lived through it somehow. You will make it. Find supportive people that can give you ideas and advice on your road to independence and raising your child. This is a great place to start. Get your application in on housing, which will go by your income. This way you will not be homeless should he decide its more fun to play than be a parent and mate. This takes months as well for an open apartment. Stockpile just a little money if you can each month so you will be able to afford diapers, should he kick you out. Don't set yourself and your baby up to be a victims. I am sure there are many of us out there that have been in your shoes and have the best little ones that bring us such joy. Stay connected with others so as not to become overwhelmed when struggles in development occur.

Sarah - posted on 03/09/2010

I would be telling him to get his priorities right! My partner works til about 6.30/7pm and he stays and spends time with our son til he goes to bed. After the little one is down, he can do whatever he wants to do whether it be see his mates or watch a movie with me. Maybe try telling him that this is ok to do. Im not sure whether it will work or not but it might help ; )

Desiree - posted on 03/09/2010

I have the same problem, but unfortunately with poker. he does the exact same thing. I cut him off, honestly I know it sounds bad, but we do have that power. you don't want to do what i want, then I sure won't do what you want. It's amazing the results. I'm not going to say it's a complete fix, but when he wants some he'll go days without going on the computer. Key: Don't give in right away

Nikita - posted on 03/09/2010

i know you have had alot of posts, suggesting alot of things, but i just had to add to it! :) if i was in your situation, this is what i would do. first of all, have a full on serious "chat" with him, get angry and dont back down. tell him that he seems to love his little computer game more than his own child! and he has to change and be a man, for the sake of both of you. you don't need that in your life. it would be hard because you obviously love him, but whats the point if he doesn't put the same amount of effort into the relationship as you? You could be alot happier with someone else, and i know it doesn't seem like it but there are alot of other men out there that would love to love you, and treat you and your child the way that you deserve. give him one warning, give him an exact list of what you expect of him and write it down (be reasonable) give him a reasonable date to set his goals. and he has not changed, do what you told him you would do if he didn't change. most of all communicate with eachother, talk to eachother everyday and show affection to eachother. if he reaches his goal show him that you are proud and tell him that he is a good dad. guys like to think they are invincible, especially being so young, but they really are softies and they love that kinda stuff. this is only a suggestion of course i think you should what is right for you and your family.



best of luck!

Jessica - posted on 03/09/2010

Find out what your housing options are for young mothers. Many times you can assistance with rent and/or childcare. Take matters into your own hands. Once he realizes you don't NEED him, he'll either come around or not...It's not the easiest option.

Beverly - posted on 03/09/2010

For an 18 year old boy to take on the financial responsibility of a wife and baby is a BIG DEAL. He still is a boy in some ways, and it will take time for him to grow into being a dad. This is definitely a harder transition for most guys.

Most 18 year olds would be hanging out with their buddies. A lot of guys in his situation would have run away - or at least not made that much of a commitment to supporting you and baby.

For an 18 year old, he is a PRINCE! He works all day and stays home in the evenings (even if he is on the computer). He has given you the privilege of staying home and taking care of your baby and yourself. That is a big contribution.

I have 2 alternative suggestions:

A) Start appreciating what you do have rather than looking at what's wrong. A lot of the responses you have gotten are not helpful. They are too similar to TV or movie "solutions." You would find that "throwing him out" would present you with a whole bunch of problems - such as money, for one. And I don't think that a guy who has basically given up his freedom for you deserves that.

It is true that the situation is far from perfect - but I could have told you that the moment you got pregnant at 16 or 17.

He has stepped up to the plate and is taking financial responsibility. Just look at that as a step along the path - and it is a BIG step.

Trying to bully him into doing what you want won't work - I think you can see that.

I suspect that over time, if you could concentrate on appreciating what is good in your life - even keep an appreciation journal! - I think that you would feel better and he would feel better too. When I had my first child, it was quite difficult to get my husband to spend time with her - he was SCARED - which I didn't realize at the time. I was mad, but that didn't do any good at all. Much better is to get him involved in tiny ways at first... like just ask him to hold her while you stir the pot for dinner or while you go to the bathroom - in other words, no more than 1 to 5 minutes. Don't ask while he is in the middle of a game. And don't ask until you've spent at least a week not nagging. ;)

He must care for you two LOTS, because he is working hard and not running away or going to bars at night, etc. He needs to have a sense of freedom and dignity and I would guess that he might be getting some of that online. Just accept that, and see if you can occasionally (at first) plan some things to do together that he will enjoy. Do you ever go for walks together on the weekend? Do you ever have a babysitter and take a romantic evening? And expressing SOME interest in WOW, might help him to feel that you are a friend rather than a combatant.

You don't have to respond to my specific suggestions - I know some of them probably won't work for you - but keep your mind open, look at the good side, and be creative.
(For example, when our kids were young, my husband used to come home with a scowl and sit around sulking which drove me crazy. One day, I walked into the room with a frown on my face, dumped myself heavily into a chair, and he asked, "What's the matter?" and I said in my best gloomy voice, "Nothing." Well he started to fuss over me the way I did over him when he seemed sulky. I let this go on for several minutes and then burst out laughing, and said, "I'm just acting the way you usually do." Fortunately, he is smart and caring and has a sense of humor, and he laughed too - AND STOPPED DOING THAT!)

Your solutions may be different, but I'm sure that if you look with a good will, you will find ways.

Also, what you said about setting a time when he's allowed on the computer? Could it be that he's acting like a kid because you are acting like a parent to him?

-> Anyway, try appreciation and respect. I suspect those are two foods he is starving for.

(You can still take online courses when baby naps and get qualified to get a job. When you are both working outside the home, then sharing in household and child care is more real.)

B) Follow most of the advice you've seen here, such as "dump him." I'm not in your shoes, but 1) it doesn't look to me like he deserves that - he doesn't seem like such a terrible person; and 2) if you think your life is hard now, see how you will feel when you are living alone, and have responsibility for physical, emotional, AND financial care of your baby and yourself. If he was beating you or being really abusive or running around, that might be the only alternative.

In summary:
Remember, you are young too. It is hard for him to be a daddy and it is hard for you to be a mommy. You can't make him grow up - only he can do that, but you can work on learning to be more mature yourself and be more understanding of him. It is a tough situation in some ways for both of you - but sticking to it may bring great and wonderful rewards. Good luck to you both!

Kristi - posted on 03/09/2010

I have a special needs child, he is smart but he breaks easy and cant walk or crawl like he is suppose to and he almost 2. His dad is like my other big kid, he wont clean, he plays a video game or something all the time when he gets home. he wont get up at night with him at all. We are constantly in a battle. I know exactly how you feel. The more I suggest the more he yells and bitches. I had to put the toys that he couldnt play with at my parents house then he couldnt put our son in them. lol if I got real desperate I would overload the breakers and the power would go off and the game would have to stop and I would play dumb like I had no clue what was going on!!!! My babies dad is older so dont think they sumtimes grow out of it. I am to the point where I think now that me and him could make it on our own. If you have a special needs child you can survive on your own there is help out there, i am looking into all of it now. Pick whats best for you and her, obviously "WOW" is whats best for him.

Marian - posted on 03/09/2010

It sounds like you just want him to help you, and if you communicate your feelings rather than attacking his past times and how he relaxes, you will both feel better. Remember, both of you are young. I had my first baby at 20 and went through something very similar to what you are describing. I am 36 now and my husband, the father of all 6 of my children, and I talk about it now and he says he was just a kid and wasn't ready to grow up. You have to decide if your boyfriend is worth the time and effort you will have to give him, not to mention the love, before he grows up into the man he will be. I am sure he loves you and your daughter, but it is all a lot more for him to handle than he thought, I am sure. Make sure you talk things out rather than yelling, and try to make some time to play with him and your baby so he realizes what a joy she is rather than a nuisance. My husband watched our daughter while I went to school and he spent the time invariably trying to keep her asleep for the first six months of her life. :) As he got older he got better at spending time with the kids and started enjoying their company, but he still plays computer/xbox games at times and he is still a kid in a lot of ways, but we are a team--a partnership--and I fill in the gaps where I can and he does the same. It's not perfect: he rarely does the dishes and he doesn't know how to cook, but he loves his kids and provides for us, we talk and he is my best friend. All the other stuff really isn't important. Your daughter will grow and have your love and his. If you are truly worried about your daughter meeting the developmental milestones you should take her to a doctor, but I have found that kids grow and develop to their own clock, not to a doctor's, and they turn out the way they are intended to turn out. Baby Einstein videos or no--just give her what time you can, ask your boyfriend to give what he can,and do your best.

Debbie - posted on 03/09/2010

Hi rebecca I can slightly empathise with you I am a single mom. I am 36 now and my daughter is nearly 6 now when I found out I was pregnant the babies father was not bothered he said not to discuss the child with him until i as pased 12wks. so I did this when this time passed he did not changed he was 30 at the time. he liked the single man live down the pub threr is alot more to my story but it got to the point that I had to choose who was more importan my unborn child or his attiude. I just saw myself bring my child up on my own weather I was with him or not so I made the choice to leave and just do that and I do not regret it my daughter is alot better of for it and a well rounded person for my choice I think she would have seen a different me and not the strong independent person that I am. just the way your daughter will see you. but you have to make your chioces for you and your daughter good luck hope it all works for you in the best way for you and your beautiful daughter and may she bring you lots of joy and happiness

Jacki - posted on 03/09/2010

dump his ass out the door and find a man thats interested in you and your family......it'll only get worse....men don't grow up. we hope they will but they never do.

Mary - posted on 03/09/2010

Some guys just aren't into babies like us girls are. When my fiance did stuff like that, I realized that I was the only one good enough to care for my baby and just took over. Of course, I talked to him until I was blue in the face, and he never improved. Good luck!



On the flip side, if your baby is kept busy all day, then she might appreciate a bit of down time in the swing. Maybe he can put on a baby video for her, like one of the Baby Einstein films. Or, he could put that swing right beside his PC and talk to her and tickle her feet in between various game segments. I assume he's pretty tired from working all day and needs to sit down, but it won't last for long. She'll start walking and keep him on his toes!

Alycia - posted on 03/09/2010

Look here is my advice... Seek Councelling, You both are very young to be having a baby and not only that but with boys especially they are immature. They can't just "grow up" once a big responsibility comes into their life. It's just the way men are. Also, he works all day while you take care of your daughter, no offence but I don't blame him for wanting some time to himself to just relax. Staying up until 1 am to play games is a bit excessive though. I am a single mother and I raise my son on my own. I think you love him and you just want things to work. If the relationship is troubled I don't say just up and leave, I think you both should seek councelling. Don't think that if you do that it makes you weak because if you have will do it, it makes you stronger as a person by saying you want to make this work and sometimes you can't do it on your own or you can't find an out. I'm not trying to be one sided here at all but you have to understand that he is the one that is making the money to support you. If you were in his situation, the one working all day long and just wanting to come home and relax without responsibility you would want the time to yourself too. I know its hard when you want a break too but if this is the case maybe it's time you find a babysitter for a night and you go out and have a good time with friends. If you can't rely on your bf to watch his child for the night. Although it sucks to have to do everything on your own sometimes that's the way it is. Don't complain about it if you aren't going to do anything about it. It's time you make a change, whatever that decision is, is up to you but if you aren't happy you have to do something to change that. He needs to step up and be responsible though. I'd tell him that he better change his ways or you're gone. If he isn't willing to seek councelling with you or man up to taking care of his daughter then pack your bags and leave, plain and simple. You have to stick to your guns or he will continue to walk all over you.

Plei - posted on 03/08/2010

do what is best for you and your daughter, if he isnt helpfull and does not pay attention to your daughter, he needs a wakeupcall. ultimatums, your gonna leave if things dont change. if it doesnt work, then its time to cut your losses. im a single mom and i can tell you that my daughter is better off without her "father" in her life

Allison - posted on 03/08/2010

Rebecca, there are several things that stick out from what you've said thus far--I haven't managed to read all 170 messages. But here is what stands out to me:

1) The physiotherapist was concerned about your child's lack of motor skills and identified a possible issue with the shape of her spine. Have you addressed this issue with your pediatrician? Sought a CT scan and some type of proper diagnosis, or reassurance that she is fine and just a bit delayed? If you have not done so (consulted the pediatrician again about her spine), then by all means do that immediately. You need to know if she has an underlying physical issue that could be contributing to her motor delays.



2) What type of therapy regimen has been established for her? You saw a physiotherapist for her, but normally if there are significant issues there should be ongoing care being provided, and specific activities and tools provided for you to use at home. Get RID of the exersaucer if she is not supposed to be in it! If you don't have it, then your parents and boyfriend can't put her in it! You can get another one later when she is ready for it--it is more important to ensure she has the RIGHT tools in her environment to help her catch up. These types of assistance and resources should be provided via your state's SCHIP or Medicare program for children, so you should not be worried about the cost.



3) Your local community college likely has a daycare program and financial assistance for single moms (I know, I teach at one). Go talk to them about what you would like to do job-wise and figure out what financial assistance you qualify for (I am betting it's 100%). Register & go! Your baby will benefit from the trained daycare program and you will benefit from the education.



4) Simply put, if your boyfriend isn't interested in being a parent, then he's not interested in a relationship with you. I'm sorry, but he has a relationship with his pals and his WoW buddies online, not with you. You are the hired help, and your daughter is an inconvenient add-on. The way he spends his time says it all. Whatever else you feel you "owe" him, you don't owe him your life, and you certainly DO OWE your daughter something better than a negligent father who willfully ignores her needs and puts her in a situation that is dangerous for her development. Talk to your parents, pack up, and move out. Really. However hard you might find it now, I want you to look at your daughter and say out loud to HER that she doesn't deserve better. SHE does, and so do YOU. In order to achieve a BETTER LIFE for both of you, you have got to move on. If your boyfriend decides to grow up and join you on your journey, great! If he doesn't, you have moved further ahead that much sooner, and you have done it early enough to be of real help and example to your daughter.



Be brave honey. You are young, and your daughter is young. You have your whole lives ahead of you. Stand up, be counted, and go out and do for yourself what your boyfriend is refusing to help you do. It will be hard, but SO WORTHWHILE. I am rooting for you, and so is every other momma on here. YOU CAN DO IT! Good luck!

Katrice - posted on 03/08/2010

You need to decide if this is the life you want you and your child to live. It's a hard decision, but sometimes you have to change things in your life, be scared for awhile, and get through it on your own.

Taylor - posted on 03/08/2010

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your parents, but I would consider asking to move in with them for awhile or with a close friend or relative if you can't afford to live alone. The situation you are in seems terribley detrimental to both you and your daughter. My advice is to get away from him as soon as you can. Good luck.

Katrina - posted on 03/08/2010

if he's threatening to kick you out, then he obviously doesn't care. I would move on.

Kat - posted on 03/08/2010

The problem is not the computer if you ask me. He is just not going to grow up. We become mothers while being pregnant. Most of the time men do not become fathers until the birth of their child. But if they are not men and only boy's at that time, there sometimes is nothing we can do. I was in this situation before with my daughter's father. I could not make him grow up; therefore, we broke up. I am married to a wonderful MAN now. And the "boy" I was with before, is still immature and a loser.

Julie - posted on 03/08/2010

Ive not managed to read all of the above messages, so hopefully Im not repeating too much that may have been said already here.

Rebecca, I feel your maturity is so far beyond your years. To handle a premmy baby with health problems, and run a home as well at your age, that is hard enough and I commend you for it. But also to handle a teenage boy too, thats hard enough for an older mother! LOL (Trust me on that, I have 3 grown sons LOL)

Basically, yes he may be your partner, but he is also an 18 yr old boy doing boy stuff. Unfortunately he may still do that for another few years before he wakes up and smells the roses, and perhaps realises what he has lost. (Meaning the first few important years with his daughter and you) Its up to you whether you stay and put up with him still being a child or not, waiting for him to turn in to an adult, but just realise that you ARE capable of handling her on your own, you have proven this beyond doubt. You do not need him around making things harder for you really, for the little "help" he gives you in the evening, you would be better off leaving your baby alone on the floor while you went to do the housework, or do what so many of us do anyway, and put her in a little chair or something and carry her around to watch you. Do your housework when she naps, something like that, but I wouldnt suggest sticking around to look after a man/boy who does nothing for you except perhaps keep you warm at night when he eventually gets off his computer, and I suppose he pays the bills too. Your government where ever you are should have a good system to help single parents, most do... Look into it for your sake and your darling daughters sake before he cripples her completely. If your parents also insist on putting her on her legs when she is medically not meant to, ask them to come to the physio with you to be educated on this too. It is the utmost of importance, and if not done, I can see you struggling in 13 or so years with a stubborn teenager who is angry at the world for what she cant do when it may have been avoidable. Dont fear standing up to the people doing wrong by your baby, we know you are strong, you can do it! hugssssss

Also, please remember, just because you love him, doesnt mean you have to live with him under the same roof, perhaps it may be easier to handle if he just slipped back into the role of a boyfriend and only visited a few nights a week, he may appreciate you more then too ;-) Good luck....

Mandy - posted on 03/08/2010

I know it is hard to even think because even if he is not really paying attention to her, it seems like you still get some sort of break when he is supposed to be watching her. But if your child is suffering, it is best for everyone if you get out. You don't have to stop letting him see her but his immaturity doesn't need to effect her anymore. Yes, that means you would have to get a job and support both of you and that is so hard. Putting her in daycare is also scary but she will get the stimulation she may need to catch her up, it's not too late.

I know that is not the answer you want to hear but you have to put your daughter first now. Good luck.

Gabrielle - posted on 03/08/2010

I am seventeen as well, a young mother like you. I have a 7 month old son. I think that it's great that everyone here is giving you so much advice. But the truth is none of what anyone says matter. I am sure you know this. I don't mean to be harsh but it is apparent that you have decided to stay with him and deal with waht comes with that. It's your own choice and despite what anyone says you are going to do what you want. Have strength. When the time is right you will do the right thing for yourself and your child. The only way to learn is through experience.

Tah - posted on 03/08/2010

you are 17..there are so many oppurtunities for you..you are young you have your whole life ahead of you..the person you are today you won't be at 25, and you will look back and wonder what you even saw in him and you'll be singing the jets.."you got it all..all over himmmm"...to your loving husband who loves your daughter and doesn't even know what war and witchcraft or whatever that is..is...lol..leave...

Sharon - posted on 03/08/2010

ALL YOU CAN DO IS TRY TO COMPRPMISE. i'M ONLY 27 WITH 2 KIDS BUT I'VE BEEN WITH MY HUBBY FOR 8 YEARS. WITHOUT COMPSOMISE YOU HAVE NOTHING. JUST KNOW THAT U ARE BEING THE BEST MOM U CAN BE

NERINGA - posted on 03/08/2010

swich off computer,take out battery befor he s come home.

Jade - posted on 03/08/2010

I am a 17 year old mom, with a 7 month baby. And this is what I would do. If he is ignoring the baby for a game, and is threatening to kick you AND the baby out then maybe its time to leave him, because honestly you deserve someone who actually cares.

Laura - posted on 03/08/2010

You poor thing. It's like you have 2 children to care for. Have you ever mentioned that to him? Do you still love him? Maybe you need to reconsider your living situation? Thats not good for lil one to be watching, especially for 3 hours! This is her prime learning time~

Elisa - posted on 03/08/2010

may seem a bit drastic, but sometimes they need a wake up call. Throw him out. tell him you will not consider taking him back until you both agree to make changes that will best suit your child. Also, children develop at their own pace, my daughter did not talk till she was almost two years old, when she started to talk, I could not shut her up.

DeShawna - posted on 03/08/2010

well i slept on it, then came back on and read more of the comments, i have to really truely appologize. after reading some more of the comments you posted, i have to say that not messing with his comp or wow account is the better way to go. it seems as if he is the controlling type. and if he yells at you alot, messing with anything that is his would only make it worse. my best and honest advice is for you to leave him. sometimes guys can change, and if you show him you mean business, then he might just do that. there is the chance that he wont change, but leaving him would be the best thing for yourself and your daughter. i know its hard, but you never know, he may grow up and want you back.

Ashley - posted on 03/08/2010

Also I want to add, I am 21 and my husband 23. Our daughter is 3 years, 3 months old. We both play WoW. However, it was changed to during naps and after she is sleeping. Try to bargain with him, one hour of time where you three just sit down & relax, play with the baby, THEN he can get on. Or, make a day or two of the week where he doesn't play, because it's family time. Not only is he missing out on your daughter, but you as well. It's hard, but you must understand --- he's young & you're young. Don't just run out on it, he WILL grow up and mature, just as you will do more, too. If I would have run out, I wouldn't be happy - it took time, my husband and I have been together for over 5 years and married for just over 2. We overcame all of that, and you guys can, too.
Say he gets home at 6, long day he's irritable, let him play til 7 get off for family time, baby in bed at 8 he gets back on til 10 - then you are both getting something, and it's a START. Changes won't happen overnight, & don't be discouraged. It'll take time, and work. Keep calm, have patience, and try your best not to yell - he'll move further away emotionally and you'll be more upset, and your daughter can sense it. You can't rush growing up - no matter how old you are and the responsibilities, you're still a child at heart.

Ashley - posted on 03/08/2010

All these changes to the computer, are ridiculous. It'll cause a scene and a riot - WoW has become his addiction, but you know what, he's 18 with a job, which seems to be full-time, a male.. it's rare. He deserves his 'me' time and if how he wants to spend it is on the computer, then fine. He's probably raiding and everything else. YOU cannot do anything, if your daughter is so far behind they have programs she can be put into where someone comes to your home, and helps you & her, but where are you during the day? You can work with her, too.

My husband was the same way, THEY have to realize on their own.. sit down on the floor and play with her, tickle, giggles & laughs. If he's not on vent chatting into his headset, he'll be hearing it, and realize what he is missing out on. He's still a child, as are you. You can't change a person, they have to change themselves! By fighting with him, or changing information, locking the computer, all you're going to do is cause a scene and caught a fight.. avoid that. The more you push, (because he's a stubborn 18 y.o male) the more reluctant he is going to be. It's almost as though they're embarassed or ashamed. I'm sure if you are out of the room and not in hear-sight, he'll atleast turn to her and make a face, something.. You're both children, and it's hard. But call local agencies, caseworkers for WIC/Medicaid and I'm sure they'll have resources for you, ESPECIALLY wic.

Ashley - posted on 03/08/2010

I am sorry you are having a difficult time. This issue is not surprising for his age or issues in your household right now. You may want to seek help for yourself through Healthy Families or another agency near by that are free of charge and can really help with your daughter---how to find resources, how to manage your relationship, and how to move forward with your family. As long you are doing your best for your daughter that is all that matters everything will move forward......hugs