What to do with a active toddler and deal with the cancer without getting stressed out?

Danielle - posted on 05/05/2010

It's not just letting go. My son's real dad which we ended up being beatin by when he was 3 weeks old. Cfs came in and took my son for 9 months til they were sure i was in a safe place so just letting my son go is hard and then i was hit by cancer. My son's step-dad is great but he's also a long-haul trucker so help by him is limited. My family has been trying to step- up but i lock them out b/c i still have trust issues, Seeing how people in my family are slightly screwed up i try to keep my son out of harms way and my mom can only handle so much, when it comes to helping me but she has been great i can call her and she is here to the rescue it's just now when i'm alone with my little guy, it's like he knows mommy can't do certain things. and he gets really upset. I am a control freak things have to be routine for me to even function.

Sharon - posted on 05/04/2010

If you don't get enough rest and a little more focus on you, getting over this will be harder.



you need to let go a little more. In order to be there for him later, you need to let go a little now. It sucks and I'm such a control freak i know it would be hard to impossible for me... I'd hope my family & friends would remind me of this message to you so that I could do the same for myself and my kids.

Danielle - posted on 05/04/2010

Thanks Ladies,

I do have family and friends to help but I have a hard time with other women taking my place b/c they can do things with him that i want to do. He is on a schedule Which does help. I've takin him to mom and tots, I don't know how counciling will help him b/c he doesn't talk that much. I have had to take him with me to the cancer clinic a few times b/c i couldn't find anyone to help but the nurses fell in love with him and made him some toys. I will take all your comments in and utilize them to my best at hand, Thanks ladies.

Alison - posted on 05/04/2010

So sorry to hear about your cancer!

Find out what support is available for you in your community. You're gonna need some time for yourself. Also talk to your doctor about this.

Try to set up playdates with kids his own age. This will keep him stimulated and occupied and save you some energy. Also, don't be afraid to ask your friends to help out and actually take him for a few hours. I know I am happy to watch other kids on occasion because it keeps my children occupied. And my friends are always very gracious when I need help.

Choose your battles in terms of discipline. Let him be a two year old. Don't let him be the boss, but don't fight him unless the fight is worth fighting. What I have learned since my second child is that having a routine can save you from a lot of battles. The kids know what to expect when and they will not fight you as much.

There are times when I have been very impatient with my girls and I talk to them about it. I apologize for being impatient and reassure them that it is not their fault.

Good luck to you!!!

Stephany - posted on 05/04/2010

I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer last July. At the time my kids were 3 1/2 and almost 2. I completely understand what you are going through, and I'm sorry you are.
My kids had a really hard time with me being ill and recovering from surgery. Are there people who can help with your son? I would definitely suggest that you find someone to watch him when you go to appointments because he doesn't need to see everything that goes on there. Ask your oncologist if s/he knows of any support groups and/or play groups that you can get your son involved in, and ask if there is a support group for you, too.
Ovarian cancer is a really hard diagnosis to receive, emotionally speaking. I had never felt so deceived by my body, so invaded by anything. On top of that, most people with this diagnosis are facing a total hysterectomy, which is accompanied by another onslaught of emotional havoc. You are probably going through more stress than most will ever imagine. That stress is sensed by your little guy, and he's probably so confused and so worried. Try to find time for yourself, to decompress and process everything that is happening. I know I felt like I was strapped into a car going 150 mph with a lunatic behind the wheel and I couldn't yell loud enough to make it stop. You need to find a way to handle that stress.
If you ever need anyone to talk to, to vent to, to de-stress to, please feel free to send me a private message. I've BTDT, and it's a hard journey to take.
Best wishes!

September - posted on 05/04/2010

I'm sorry to hear about your ovarian cancer. Do you have a friend or family member that can watch your son for you to allow you some alone time? I think that it would be helpful for you to have some time to unwind and relax. That will give you a chance to gain some energy and enjoy some quite time. I'm sure that your son senses your edginess which leads to the bad behavior as you've mentioned above. Good luck and I wish you all the best in beating your cancer! Hang in there Momma! :)

Kate CP - posted on 05/04/2010

Get him into counseling. Dealing with a sick parent is traumatizing for a child and you need all the help you can get.