What to expect with a newborn and a 14 month old?

Rebecca - posted on 04/09/2012 ( 45 moms have responded )

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Hey ladies I'm brand new to this site, and I registered because I'm looking for some major advice. I'm currently pregnant with my second child, only 4 weeks along. But I'm already panicking. I have a 6 month old who will be 14 months old when baby is born. I have no idea what to expect? Please if you can give me some advice that would be amazing.

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Chrystal - posted on 04/09/2012

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My kids are 2 weeks shy of a year apart. Routine will help your oldest feel more secure when the newborn arrives. If you plan to nurse I'd suggest finding something your oldest loves and only bring it out when you nurse it has a chance of keeping them occupied long enough to nurse. Do things at the same time as much as possible like baths, meals, naps, diapers. Try your best to get your oldest to sleep independent before the newborn arrives it's not always possible but it will help a lot if you don't have to rock two little ones to sleep several times a day. Be understanding that your oldest won't understand why you can't attend to their needs instantly and that for them that is hard. Set aside time for just your oldest so they get your full attention. What to expect is at first to be honest chaos, exhaustion, frustration at not having 8 arms, and always feeling behind. But after a month or two things will start to settle down your youngest will start to fall into the oldest ones routine and you'll start to anticipate needs for them both rather than react to all the demands coming at you. Mine are now almost 1 and 2. It's a lot of hard work but it's a blast most days they play together a lot and my son is a very good big brother. It'll be alright I promise there are different challenges to having them so close together but I think all parents have some sort of challenge when the second arrives.

Dawn - posted on 04/16/2012

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routine is definitely key! I found out I was pregnant with my second when my first was 9 months. You'll find it is necessary to wake up, change both diapers, clothe both children, feed both children......you get the picture. naptime for the older one keep on a routine so they take it at the same time(s) every day. that way they will come to expect it and you may find that you have some time to yourself when both kids are napping (GASP!) it's hard at first with the newborn since you feel like you are feeding the newborn ALL THE TIME and not paying much attention to the other....but even at the age your child will be at, you can have them sit alongside you and you can cuddle with one arm around the older while you feed the newborn. When it comes to "who do I pay more attention to" always go for the older. not saying you leave the younger by themself....I'm saying, the older will have more memory (if there is any) at this time. And to avoid jealousy, always err on the side of the older! the younger can nap in the playpen and whatnot while you cuddle and read with the older. Good luck! I'm pregnant with my 3rd.......just found out yesterday. my youngest is 10 months and my oldest is 2.....so I'll have yet another 18 month difference between the two.

Cindy - posted on 04/10/2012

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I have three children all 17 months apart. A schedule will be your saving grace for the first year! The first two were easy to manage, but the third one before the oldest turned three was a bit harder. They are 7, 5, 4 now and life is easier. Pray alot and sleep when you can!! God will take care of everything else. :) congrats!!

Debbie - posted on 04/09/2012

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My two boys are 11 months apart. This was not our plan, but it's what happened. I was completely stressed during the second pregnancy about how I was going to handle two little ones, when I had barely wrapped my brain around being a mom. Help from my mom and my mother-in-law (who both watched my first son while I worked) was crucial! My mother-in-law stayed with us Sunday thru Thursday to help out, then mon took one of the babies on Fridays so I could get errands done and still have one on one with each of the boys. I could never have managed with out them. I was extremely lucky, but as the weeks and months went by, it got so much getter and we had a great routine to keep the stress down. Now they are both 5 (for another week!) and aside from the regular sibling fights, the age difference is barely an issue. The first few months was pretty much a blur (and so was the pregnancy for that matter), so just enjoy the time with your little one before the new baby arrives.

Nikki - posted on 04/09/2012

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My son was supposed to be born when my daughter was 19 months old, we planned it that way since my daughter has an older brother(5 years seperate them) and that was pretty easy. We didnt plan for our son to be born 9 weeks early so the space wasnt as big as I wanted. Don't kid yourself its hard when they r that close together. basically since you can not leave the baby alone in a room for fear of what th eolder one will do to them, and your tired all the time cuz now you cant sleep when your newborn sleeps if you have help it should lessen the blow but with me my hubby left for work so he was outta town for 3 months right after i had my son so it was just me. I kept my son hidden for almost 2 months after I got to bring him home. My daughter did better than I thought after the fact but she likes to poke eyes hahahaha. Now that my kids r 8, 3 and 1.5 its pretty nice. My youngest 2 play alot together and my daughter goes to preschool so my son gets quality time with me. I like them close together even though when there is a bigger gap the older one tends to want to help by bringing diapers feeding etc.

Good luck and you are stronger than you think you are help or no help you will and are fabulous! :D

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Laura - posted on 04/23/2012

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Congratulations on the baby Rebecca!! :) If your first will be about 14 months old when you have the new baby, honestly your first child might not really know what is going on lol. It really depends on your child's temperment how they will react to a new baby. My two children are 5 years apart in age (due to infertility) but I bet that baby #1 will love to be your new helper!! At that age they LOVE to help you with everything even things you wouldn't normally think of. They love to get the new baby a clean diaper or baby wipes, hand you the bottle (if bottle feeding), a bib... ANYTHING just to be near you and hear you say "Oh thank you SO much for helpng me! What a great big brother/sister you are!!" :)

Carissa - posted on 04/23/2012

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my girls are 13 months apart and its just good to be fully based on routine and rest when u can no matter wat ur house looks like its hard for firat 6 weeks but after that its easy and i have been a single mum as well so i did it all by myself

Nicole - posted on 04/21/2012

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Wish I could help but I came to read the answers!! i'm due in 5 weeks and my baby girl just turned 14 months :-D best of luck!!!

Jennifer - posted on 04/10/2012

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You will never be bored. I feel that my family is complete. You just do what you habe to do and you will learn what works for yoy. I feel that both newborn stages flew by and my ten month old is going to walk soon. Babyproof like crazy. Keep formula and diaper stuff nearby at night and do anything poosible to minimize your stress and conserve energy.get a good planner for everyones dr visits lol. Stay well. It will be wonderful.

Robyn - posted on 04/10/2012

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My kids were 1 year 13 days apart and the first year after the 2nd was born was very difficult with 2 little ones in diapers. Once we got through that, it was great how close they were. There were no sibling jealousy issues, probably because my oldest was too young to really get it. I was very fortunate to be able to stay at home. My advice is to rest any time you can, even if it's just 5 or 10 minutes and enjoy your miracles as much as you can. When you're in it, it seems to last so long, but the time flies by sooo quickly.

Jenna - posted on 04/10/2012

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We have five children and when the fourth one was born, the oldest was four years old. There was a lot more space between #4 and #5.



I think the first thing I would suggest is to not leave your 14-month-old out. That is one way to initiate sibling rivalry, and it is something we have never dealt with because from the birth of our second, third, and fourth babies (and the last one too) we have always included the other kids. They came to the hospital to see their new sibling and we let them hold the new baby from the first day-sitting on the couch of course with us standing or sitting right there by them. They helped by fetching diapers/clothes, putting diapers in the diaper pail, clothes in the laundry hamper, and for the times when I bottle-fed after the first few months, they would occasionally hold the bottle for me while I did something with my hands, like tie a shoe or button a shirt.



I also found that structure is key. The first thing to do as you are getting the new baby on a sleep routine is to try and coordinate naps so they are both napping at the same time.



And eventually, when the new baby gets to be old enough to be crawling and sitting and playing, they will play together and things will actually get easier.



Good luck!

Shana - posted on 04/10/2012

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My first two are 22 months apart than a third at 19 months... They are to young to understand but definitely be prepared if u r going to nurse with a tv show, toy or just an extra arm when they want to sit with you. Plan on not leaving the house to much cause it just is always easier in your own dwelling! Good luck'

America3437 - posted on 04/10/2012

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Rest as much as possiable cause ther will be none in a few short months!

Lisa - posted on 04/10/2012

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my son and daughter are 16 months apart. The main thing that I think you need to know is make time for both of them. When your baby is sleeping, play with your older child and include your older child with caring for the baby, getting a burp cloth or blanket, etc. Don't leave your older child in another room when you are changing baby's diaper or changing clothes, keep the older child included in everything.

My son may be a one in a million case, but he has displayed no signs of jealousy whatsoever! we are extremely lucky!

Christine - posted on 04/10/2012

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I have two boys that are 18 months apart. I think the advice of finding something that the older one loves and bring it out only when you nurse will make things easier. We trained my oldest to sleep independently before my youngest was born. In the beginning it was tough, because my oldest boy did not understand why he had to share mommy. I couldn't really prepare him for the arrival of a new baby because he was too young to understand. He was quite jealous of the new baby and regressed a little. However, now my oldest is 3 and his brother is 18months and they play together and make each other laugh. Having my boys close together was the best decision we made. I wish you much luck! Just be patient and remember soon enough they will be great companions.

Jennifer - posted on 04/10/2012

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mmy youngest boys are 11 1/2 months apart. i remember the first 3-4 months as a blur, i usually explain that i was on auto pilot. we did what we needed and nothing more. accepting help is a big thing if its offered. also, the best thing for us was making a safe space for my crawler, which labour family room gate off from the house and pretty much hanging their all day. all diaper changing supplies were there, changes of clothes, swing, pack and play for naps. I pretty much sat on the floor most of the day, played with my big boy and held/nursed the baby. The first 6 months to a year were definitely a little difficult but now they're almost 4 and 5 and are the best of friends. they play together, take care of each other and of course fight too, but they're pretty awesome. I don't think taking care of the two close in age was any harder than my slightly difficult oldest child his first couple years. my best advice is to leave expectations behind. if you imagine it one way or try to keep things a certain way, it will be harder to deal with when things don't go right. hang in there, you'll do great!!

Sonia - posted on 04/09/2012

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I have a 3 boys, my 1st 2 are 15 mths apart, I did plan it as wanted them close. It wasn't always easy, make sure you've got family who can help you out. They are 11 & 12 (nearly 13) now and I wouldn't change having them close together at all :-) Good luck x

Nicole - posted on 04/09/2012

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They will be the best of friends and the worst of enemies :) my oldest (boy) and middle (girl) are 12 mts and 6 days apart. They are 4 and 3. They love each other, play together and they fight but at the end of the day I'm glad it turned out the way it did because they truly are best friends. Good Luck

Jennifer - posted on 04/09/2012

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My boys are twelve months and two days apart. There have been many challanges. But..i love it. You wull eventually get into a good routine and enjoy watching them interact.

Donna - posted on 04/09/2012

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It's going to be hectic,noisy,sometimes scary but mostly fun and very rewarding! My 4 boys are grown with children of their own now ( and best friends) . They were born close, 79, 80, 82 & 84 but that doesn't mean they were always friends. It was definitely a long road but what a great ride!!!

Julie - posted on 04/09/2012

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Did you know that children that are born close together are able to be a "pad" for each other when negative experiences happen? I was born 5 years after my siblings that were 5,6,&7. They fared through my father's abuse (He had PTSD from the Korean War) very well, while I and my brother who was 5 years younger than me, developed PTSD, among other disorders. Our psychiatrist told us that our elder brother and sisters fared better because they were so close in age that they were each others strength. While I pray that none of your children ever have to go through what we did, it is nice to think that having children close together can have some real mental benefits.

Henrietta - posted on 04/09/2012

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Definitely show your older child a bit of extra love and give a bit of extra attention when you can because it is true, he/she won't understand why you can't attend to him/her NOW the way you always have but you will find that your new baby will fit in with the schedule in place and continue to do so. Everything will be a bit easier because you'll be shopping for similar things, just slightly different; toddler 'hand foods' for one and baby food for the other for example instead of lunchables for an older child and diapers for a newborn. You might even have some immediate hand-me-downs if the children are same sex. What I liked most (still do, actually) is being able to tackle things immediately and being done with them without an age gap or at least not much of one. It's easier in the long run to go through everything now, immediately instead of thinking 'Omigosh, now I have to go through diapers, teething, bottles, etc. AGAIN!' For example, potty training will be easier as they can both learn at the same time, same for bottle weaning (if giving formula). My children are now 14 and soon to be 13 and I'm glad we had them the way we did.

Ashley - posted on 04/09/2012

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First off congrats on your pregnancy!! My girls are 13 months apart. In my experience everytime I got in to a routine with them within a month it was time to start a new one.... My girls are now 1 and 2 and while they may have a set routine they are even more work! I wouldn't worry about it at all. I can honestly say that they are best friends and have the best time together, it may take a while to adjust but it's worth it!

Paula - posted on 04/09/2012

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My sister and I are less than a year apart. She was born 8 days before my first birthday. In fact, if you look at the date of the first picture ever taken of her, you will see that it is my birthday. Where was the camera pointed at my first ever birthday party? At me, the birthday girl? No! at the new baby! I express my outrage to my mother every time I see that picture. Lol

That being said, my sister is my closest companion and dearest friend. People often mistake us for twins. We have lived together for most of our adult lives, she is helping me to raise my own twin sons. We often wear each others clothes, jewelry, etc.

Don't get me wrong - we have our share of fights. She gets on my nerves and I am sure I get on hers but all things considered, it is nice to have a sister so close. She's family and friend all in one.



Oh, and my first word was "baby"

Holly - posted on 04/09/2012

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I have 3 girls who are now ages 2,3, and my oldest just turned 5 two Weeks ago. I have a different view because I ended up getting divorced when I was pregos with my third daughter. I think its very hard to have kids close in age specially cause I had full custody and didn't have any help from their dad...but the good news is despite the frustration and never endless diaper changing it is so fun to watch them all together enjoy the same activities because they were the same age and stage in life....just make sure you have lots of chocolate for you...and tons of popsicles in the freezer cause that Is how I got kid breaks, by giving them popsicles in the

Bathtub!

Nina - posted on 04/09/2012

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Hey Rebecca! I've been there, done that and have the t-shirt! My girls are one year and six days apart. The best advice I can give you is very simple: just breathe. You are going to have two crying babies wanting your attention, dinner to cook, laundry to do and a plethora of other tasks that will demand your attention. Take a deep breathe and know that you can do it. It is always a balancing act with two little ones and in all honesty just gets harder as they get older, but it also gets more fun and fulfilling. Every time I think I am done and that I don't have anymore to give, my oldest daughter hugs her little sister and tells me that they are best friends forever. Trust me when I say that despite all the tears, baby poop and stretch marks, it is all worth it. Good luck and don't forget that all us warrior mommies are here with open arms to support you!

Linda - posted on 04/09/2012

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I have 3 girls...ages 10,, 8and 4. I think I did the right thing only because my children are all into the same things,my oldest helped a lot with my youngest. And they have a lot more in common than siblings being years apart.

Kristin - posted on 04/09/2012

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My first two were 15 months apart. A good support system is essential. I honestly don't know what I would have done without the help I got from my mother-in-law. Other than that, don't sweat the little stuff (housework). Make time for yourself, spend time with the kids and don't forget to make time for you and your partner! Don't spend all their naptime cleaning either. Do what is absolutely necessary, and leave the rest (mop the floors because the kids will crawl there, but do those ornaments REALLY need dusting right now?) As the kids grow you can get them to help with the housework by making it a game, and encouraging them to help clean. My kids are all grown up now (21, 20 and 18), but sometimes I still wish I could go back to those days when I had three little ones under 4.

Alison - posted on 04/09/2012

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My two are 13mo apart. It was overwhelming at first, but mostly because i psyched myself out! Just be sure to keep your routine as best as possible with your oldest and baby #2 will pick it up quick! Make sure to let your oldest be involved in the few ways they can, like hold a blanket or toy. It helps tremendously!! Best of luck! Just don't over think it!! :)

Kristy - posted on 04/09/2012

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Routine, routine, routine. My two are nearly 13 months apart and now that they are a bit older it's great. I was very fortunate that my first was a very easy baby so he adjusted to the situation really quickly. Right now they are almost like twins, they are very close and love to do everything together, they even have their own language. And because my second wanted to be just like her big brother she picked up speaking and motor skills earlier than the average child her age. I'm not gonna lie, the first 3 months were hard and sometimes I wanted to just hide under the covers but I forced myself to keep the first on schedule and try to get the second to adapt to it and once winter was over I pushed myself to get out and find a network of other moms in my area. Aside from keeping a routine my biggest advice would be to have a solid support network of family, friends, and other moms. The moms I met through library story time and tumbling classes are now some of my best friends and our kids have been together since diapers and I know I can count on any one of them at any time.

Remona - posted on 04/09/2012

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You really have to find out while going through it what will work for you. You cant plan for the unexpected too much when it comes to children. I have 3 girls, all 18 months apart (3.5, 2 and 7 months) and it can get hard and stressful. However, im so happy that I am the one home taking care of them. The best thing to do is to make time for yourself and spend one on one time with each child.

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i'll be having a newborn boy in July, and my daughter will be 18mo. so i'll be keeping an eye on this thread, lol..

Ahna - posted on 04/09/2012

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My first two are 17 months apart and my second and third will be 14 months apart. You are going to freak out. I did my whole second pregnancy, and while is is chaotic at first, you'll soon see the benefits and things will settle down. Its about learning to multi task. We didnt plan for it to be this way, but after seeing my two oldest bond, I am so grateful they will all grow up together and have each other.

Bethany - posted on 04/09/2012

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My niece and nephew are 15mths apart and the hardest part my sister delt with was jealousy...just be sure to give your oldest child some just mommy/daddy/both & me time like an outing of just u two(or them two or both) to the park or whatever so they know they still matter! My two kids have almost 28mths between them and we have our outings with our oldest son and it helps so much! he wants more to do with his brother and everything! We let him help do little things like help throw a diaper away,ect to help make him feel like his role is important as big brother and he loves it! Just keep your oldest involved and share your time!! Best wishes!!

Sheila - posted on 04/09/2012

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Routine is important with close siblings. It is going to feel at times like you are having twins. My children (a boy and a girl) are 16 months apart. In the begining it was very difficult. I was always so tired and irritable. Just remember though, it's not the kids fault. They are curious. Make sure to let your older one around the baby all the time with you and let the older child help to feed and change the baby with you. The more you let the older child be involved, the less jealousy and sibling rivalry will develop. My daughter loves helping me with my son, and now that my son is 11 months old and walking, she loves it even more because now she has a best friend to play with always. They are always wanting to be with each other and they keep each other company. It is so wonderful and fills my heart with such joy to see them together like that. On the down side it is challenging, just when one baby gets out of a stage, the next baby goes into that stage but it will all be worth it. Especially when you need to clean the house and the older child can then occupy the little one :)



Good Luck to you, I don't regret having my kids so close in age for a second. I don't think you will either :)

Angela - posted on 04/09/2012

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I had premature twins when my daughter was 10 months and 9 days old. It's all really a blur but somehow we survived and they are now all at school! One thing that I wish I had done is accept more help. It's so hard as no one can beastfeed or sleep for you but alot of family and friends offered help but I didn't know what to get them to do. I wish I had've said things like 'yes please, could you make dinner on thursday' or 'could you mop the floor every Tuesday for me' or 'could you bring me a coffee and talk to me about anything but kids!!' it's easy to know what I needed now but back then I didn't really know and was too polite to ask!

LisaandBrent - posted on 04/09/2012

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You will be fine! My 1st 2 are 13 months apart (nearly to the day) and altho it seems a lifetime ago (they are 4 and 3) it all went pretty smoothly! Miss 4 loved her little brother and just went with the flow, and to be honest it might have been a bit hectic at times but I didn't know it any other way so you just do what you have to do! I have since had #3 and she came along a day before her brother's 2nd birthday - so having 3, just 3 and under was more hectic as it is quite a mission going anywhere!!

You will be fine-have faith in yourself, and friends and family are always happy to lend a hand if you just ask!

Carmen - posted on 04/09/2012

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Here's what I know. I have 3 girls. The first 2 are 10 months apart. The next one took 5 yrs after the second baby. I remember my oldest needing to be held the same time as her sister. She loved her from the start. I think you'll be just fine, when life sends us something complicated we, as moms, jump in and do what we have to do. Make sure you get some time for yourself, to keep yourself sane. That is the best advice I can give you. My second born dd was colicky. Very fussy. Next bit of advice tune up your singin voice, I sang alot to kee[p both babies calm. Babies don't care if you sing like an angel or if you sound like a frogs taqken permanent residence on your vocal chords. They jujst like the lull of it. Stay as positive as you can, even when overtired. Being positve helps theme stay calmer. And remeber, your children have built in playmates with each other. I know mine play beautifully together about 80% of the time, That is all I ask for. Good luck and God Bless,

Kasey - posted on 04/09/2012

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I have a 2 n a half yr old, a 11 n a half month old n 2 weeks to go before I give birth to my 3rf, which she will be born 4 days before her brother turns one. In expected to find out I was pregnant n wasn't planned but don't believe in abortion so I decided to keep her. As I already have 2 boys I wanted a girl. But anyway, I don't really have a routine but my day starts with my boys waking up at 9am, breaky bath, play time, lunch, nap tiime, more play time, then my oldest has daycare twice a week n youngest atm has daycare once a week, but when they sleep is when I to house work n still have time to relax. As hubby works he comes home n let's me catch up on sleep ir cleaning while he spends time with boys. It's quiet easy once u get the hang of it n won't n font need to stress. Congrats BTW. N goodluck.

Cheri - posted on 04/09/2012

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Don't panic! It is easier than it sounds. How do I know? My first 2 are 9 months and 3 weeks apart...and now I have 4...ages 4, 3, 2, and 1, but the 3 year old is almost 4 and they will be the same age for a little more than 2 months...As far as what to expect...chaos at first! your oldest will be torn between having a new baby, and sharing you. BUT! It will all be OK! I cannot imagine my kids not having each other, and I would not change a thing if given the choice. Oh, and what worked for me with my 3rd and 4th was, I told my girls that I was having a baby for them...they were THEIR babies... it made them feel important and involved which is key! Good luck, relax, and enjoy your blessings =)

Bethany - posted on 04/09/2012

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I got pregnant with my daughter when my son was 5.5 months old. I personally think it's great. He was too young to understand what was going on so he wasn't jealous, or super clingy, and he didn't pay much attention to her until he was about 18 months. Now he just turned 2 and she will be 1 next month, and it is a bit hard, because he wants to be able to play with her and she can't. I think once she gets a little more on his level they'll be great. My brother and I are 10.5 months apart and were the BEST of friends growing up. Just remember, take care of the babies and yourself first. If the dishes or laundry don't get done right away then SO WHAT?! You'll have your hands full enough, so don't sweat the small stuff! Oh and get them on the same nap schedule. It'll be more chaotic while they're awake, but so much easier to utilize nap time! Good luck! :)

Sara - posted on 04/09/2012

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Were having ours close together. Don't worry too much. Ours r 2 1/2yrs n 8 months n we've been tryin for a third. Look at it this way they'll keep eachother entertained. Lol

Michelle - posted on 04/09/2012

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Make sure you have a good routine. You will find that the baby will settle into the routine that you have in place.



I found that with my 1st I based my day around him, with my 2nd, he had to fit in with us and with my 3rd, she had no choice. She was brought everywhere from day 1 as the boys were in school and I had no choice. It is a big change going from 1 to 2 but a lot of us have done it.

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