What would you do if you found out YOUR kid was the bully?

Shannintipton - posted on 05/05/2011 ( 261 moms have responded )

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How would you handle it if it was your child that was the bully? And not to just the sibling but to all the other kids. Love to hear your input {:+)

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Firebird - posted on 05/05/2011

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There would be hell to pay to the full extent of the law. I dealt with bullies for 7 years before I left this scummy little town, if my daughter ever turned into one... life, as she knew it, would be over. That is something that I have less than zero tolerance for. I second Jennie as well, I would be absolutely mortified and embarrassed. Hypothetically, if it happened while my daughter was a teenager, no tv/computer/video games/phone if she had a cell, I'd smash it, she would go to school and come home, no hanging out with friends, no other activities, for at least a month. And I would probably have her volunteer at a suicide prevention center.

Heather - posted on 05/06/2011

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I just had this talk yesterday with my 7and 5 year old boys. I told them simply that bullys don't have friends....and are never happy. I also took the approach of what do you wanna be when you grow up...Him: a fire fighter...Me: well if you want to be one then you have to be kind,helpful,and always no matter what be nice to everybody. I think they got it

User - posted on 05/08/2011

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Children who are bullies and children who are bullied are two sides of the same coin. There's a lot of evidence to suggest that children who are anxious or lack self-esteem can sometimes become bullies or be bullied.



You need to tackle this as a self-esteem issue in the same way that you would tackle your child being bullied.



Make it clear that bullying is NOT ok. Don't tolerate any physical abuse - do not use physical chastisement (as it shows your child that this is OK). Talk to the school, tell them you want to work with them and take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. The way you handle this will determine the outcome.



It's really easy to become defensive and be incredibly embarrassed but it won't get you or your child anywhere.



A few questions?

Has there been any trauma in your child's life - ie, divorce, illness, anger or failure? If so, these can be a root cause.



If I sound like I know what I am talking about... my child was both bullied and a bully. She has spent 3 years in therapy getting help and she has grown enormously during that time. She suffered trauma which I initially thought she had handled well but she hadn't.



I'm also an ex-teacher who has attempted to deal with bullying in schools. It's a big problem, usually with endless causes but punishing the bully without dealing with the root cause is not the solution.

[deleted account]

Hello Shannin!

Excellent question to post! I have a child with Aspergers (high functioning autism.) My child's elementary school thought it would be a good fit to place him in an 'emotional' support class room with 7 other kids in grades k-5 (he was in K when he started) Needless to say he was tormented by the other 4th & 5th graders who had special needs. Children live what they learn. Where did these kids learn it from? Needless to say when my son would go to the teacher to report them (which honestly was several times a day everyday) the teacher, being tired of hearing it, informed my child that nobody likes a tattle tale. So after 3 years of torment, what recourse did my son have but to become like those he hated so that he could be safe? I found it funny how quick the teacher was to tell ME about MY son. She asked me what I was going to do about it. At first I was shocked to know my son was behaving in a way that hurt others since we both knew what it felt like. As fast as I could, I got my son some therapy and pulled him out of school. We have been homeschooling for the past 5 years. While I recognize that most kids can't be homeschooled, they can and should get help via therapy. You don't always know the source of their anger. Kids don't bully to be cruel. They bully because they are in need and no one is paying attention. I was the only latino in a school of all white kids. I was bullied before kindertgarten at the local church, and at school until I graduated. It affects me still very deeply. However, I have found that by therapy and helping other children heal I have healed myself just as much as others. It helped me to be able to recognize that my son (though he is my angel) is not always an angel to others. We talk about his interactions with others everyday. Things like how it made him feel, how he could express himself better, what he needs to do to make things right... they are all vital conversations I think every parent should have with their children regardless if they are bullies, being bullied or just observers of such behavior. I am happy to report that my son no longer bullies. He has often become the mediator with his other friends. I find it funny to hear him saying "wait, stop! Breathe a second and think about what you are really saying!" lol

Barbara - posted on 05/07/2011

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Although I don't think my youngest son was a bully, (God I hope not) there was one incident that really upset me and my husband; I was really ashamed. My son was very bright, very popular. While in 4th grade, I learned he had organized a club "I hate so and so", and worse-he was the President and looking for new members!! I was sick to my stomach and ashamed to learn that my son could do such a thing. Especially where I was bullied as a child. My husband and I went to the school to meet with the teacher who had no idea. She was very upset and sick about. She dealt with it at school and we dealt with it at home. To teach him a lesson about how it feels to be shunned, my husband and I refused to let him socialize with anyone outside of school for a month! I think it was a long month for him as he is very social. My goal was to make him understand how this boy would feel. I hope he learned from this experience. He's now 25 years old and when I think about that time I still get sick to my stomach!

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CJ - posted on 06/12/2011

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My 14 yo grandson has been bullied in school since kindergarten. To this day he says kids ask him if he is gay...daily....make fun of him call him names...The schools have done NOTHING...if they don't hear it, it didn't happen. SAD...now he feels he can disrespect teachers, as they have never helped him and he is becoming a bully himself....School NEED to step up an take the word of the poor kid being bullied..The teachers know who are the trouble makers...at least they did in my time...If they don't then they should be more aware of their students. Unfort. alot of the bullies were bullied by someone...Some how we need to break the cycle.

CJ - posted on 06/12/2011

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My 14 yo grandson has been bullied in school since kindergarten. To this day he says kids ask him if he is gay...daily....make fun of him call him names...The schools have done NOTHING...if they don't hear it, it didn't happen. SAD...now he feels he can disrespect teachers, as they have never helped him and he is becoming a bully himself....School NEED to step up an take the word of the poor kid being bullied..The teachers know who are the trouble makers...at least they did in my time...If they don't then they should be more aware of their students. Unfort. alot of the bullies were bullied by someone...Some how we need to break the cycle.

Shannintipton - posted on 05/29/2011

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Hi Judite
I want to thank you for your great advice and taking the time to explain your thinking behind it. : )

Judite - posted on 05/27/2011

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I am very thankful that you have addressed a question that others may choose to ignore , no child is an angel they are just little people who are going to a lot of changes and sometimes are led in the wrong way ,in my opinion there is to be a reason why a child becames a bully, first I would take the time to find out who he is hanging around with and speak to their teachers ,sometimes we as parents are so busy that we miss what is happening to ours children ,I would make sure that I would take he and ask him to apologize to those he bullied ,but do not forget that your child might be under pressure from his piers to do this so he is part of their club , make sure that you investigate what is going on ,because if this behaviors is new ask the question WHY? speak to teachers,to your doctor and your child old and new friends don't just come down on him be there for him but make sure to let him know that bulling will not be allow , always always be there for your child ,make double sure hi knows you are there for him. I hope this helps GOOD LUCK .

Judite - posted on 05/27/2011

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I am very thankful that you have addressed a question that others may choose to ignore , no child is an angel they are just little people who are going to a lot of changes and sometimes are led in the wrong way ,in my opinion there is to be a reason why a child becames a bully, first I would take the time to find out who he is hanging around with and speak to their teachers ,sometimes we as parents are so busy that we miss what is happening to ours children ,I would make sure that I would take he and ask him to apologize to those he bullied ,but do not forget that your child might be under pressure from his piers to do this so he is part of their club , make sure that you investigate what is going on ,because if this behaviors is new ask the question WHY? speak to teachers,to your doctor and your child old and new friends don't just come down on him be there for him but make sure to let him know that bulling will not be allow , always always be there for your child ,make double sure hi knows you are there for him. I hope this helps GOOD LUCK .

Bethany - posted on 05/11/2011

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my daughter gets timeouts if my warning doesnt prompt her to stop, my daughter bites and if another child goes for something she has, she can get kind of agressive.... its toygh but the phase Will pass

Skye - posted on 05/11/2011

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Usually kids that bully are kids that were bullied. It's a way to feel powerful when they have felt powerless. I'd try to talk to them about it and let them know that there are ways to feel powerful that won't get them in trouble and hurt other people.

Tracy - posted on 05/11/2011

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I would have to have to serious talk with them and probably take em to a police station to see a jail and what happens to people who hurt people just out of spite....I pray I don't have to deal with that ..especially since my son was bullied this ear when we met with the parents they said they was no way ..I said I know my child is not a saint but I know he is not the type who hurt someome cause he was bigger than them the parents started to flipp out on me but you should of seen the look on their face when their child admitted to all the things my child claimed had happen,...

Lara - posted on 05/11/2011

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True..you should go up the chain of command to deal with issues at school. If things do not get addressed to the satisfaction of you and your child and in a timely fashion then you should move up the chain. But, being diligent about it is the important part!

Lisa - posted on 05/11/2011

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I was speechless when I found out my stepson was a bully in pre-k...come to find out he had hit his teachers in headstart. I didn't know what to say or do.

Chantil - posted on 05/11/2011

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you should talk to the kids parent. if it is at school tell the teacher about it.. if the teacher do not talk to them, then talk to the priniciple and set up a meeting with the child parents.

Deb - posted on 05/11/2011

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Id be horrified, but more importantly Id want to know why they felt the need to do this........if you find that out maybe you can start to correct the problem....goodluck x

Karon - posted on 05/11/2011

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I was just talking about this the other day to my youngest (I have 2 boys). He's the one that steps in and protects the bullied, keeps the bullies at bay. We talked a bit about how the people who get bullied feel, and how lonely it can be when it feels like nobody will help you. I praised him heartily for being the person who makes the victim feel like they are somebody special, and that someone will help and defend them. He was clearly clueless as to why *anyone* would want to make someone else feel that bad. Since he's 6, I left the psychology of bullying out of it and focussed on what he's doing right and how the bullied person feels.
So, to answer your question, I would be devastated to find out that either of my boys was the bully. They would be doing a LOT of things to make their victim's life easier, and sacrificing what they love to make that happen.
As far as your kid down the street, you might want to take some time with your son now and discuss some of this kid's behavior that you don't approve of, and why it's hurtful. Heaven forbid you should start to see the beginnings of similar behavior in your son, my advice is to nip it in the bud, dramatically and significantly.

Michelle - posted on 05/11/2011

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get your son tested for adhd/add when my son was in his younger years he was the same way and in grade 4 we found out he had adhd and is now on meds and doing very well with his peers and school work ect now he is in grade 6 doing well:)

Claudia - posted on 05/11/2011

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NEVER happen!!! Special is what my daughter is!!! They have to be taught to HATE,LIE,CHEAT& BULLIE!!! Make sense.Our children S>NEEDS know only good. Oh bye the Way Kayla's 16TH B-D Sept. She's also in Special Oly. @ U.W.O next week. Chow 4 now pep. :)

Gemma - posted on 05/11/2011

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lets see here- I wouldn't put it past sophia to be a bully - as much as she can be loving to some of the smaller kids she has an unpredicatble streak about her- it would be hard for sophia to hear her mommy standing up for other kidsbut she has to hear the awful truth that momy would believe that her daughter is capable of such things. I can't imagine tobi being a bully yet. he still has to learn to stand up for himself next to his big sister(LOL)

Alexis - posted on 05/11/2011

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I have been questioning myself on this exact subject. I was bullied.

I was an over weight kid, teen, and am as an adult. Parents are no help at times. Sometimes parents are just as much the problem. Sometimes kids learn from parents. Society doesn't like what isn't "perfect". I wasn't, & kids tortured me for it! I starved myself, stopped taking the meds I was on that were making me gain weight. cut myself because of the pain. Made myself puke. Took speed/ coke to try to lose the weight. I was a size 24 when I started Freshman year in highschool & a 14-16 when I left! But I did it the wrong way!!! And hurt my body in the process!!!

I would hate my daughter to be a bully. However, If I found out the kid was one of the kids of a former bully of mine. I think I might have a moral dilemma?

I know it is wrong. I hated it as a child. I would hate my child to go through it. But sometimes ppl need a taste of what they gave. Some times Karma doesnt hit you. THe most popular mean person in the school 20 years later his daughter is the (geeky fat freaky nerdy whatever) kid, and now he sees what he did.

Again it is something I have wondered could I look past what happened to me, what someone did if it was their kid? In a way AN EYE FOR AN EYE!?!?!

I would beat my kid if the picked on a handicapped child. I guess it is something I will have to hope I make the right choice when I have to, if I have to. No grief PLEASE. I am being honest with my feelings.

Again this is my moral dilemma... But sometimes there is a reason behind the bullying, My friends child was being picked on a couple years ago because she was the only white kid in her class, she turned it around and started hitting and pushing back and just recently they have gotten her to stop this because she was using it as a defense. She has the right to defend herself, but she didn't know when to draw the line.Not that my friend liked her kid hitting others. but they were doing it to her. and again there was a line that my friends daughter couldn't see. Thought the teachers were no help, they should have caught it as well, Stopped it at the point of her being picked on.

And now her daughter is back to being picked on in another school. She had a obstructed bowel, which well was healing made her have to ware pullups, because of poop issues. the kids are teasing her for it. and she has inverted. She is now peeing herself. to kids had her backed against a wall and her brother punched one of them to get the boy off of his sister. He is now labeled a bully for saving his sister.

Sometimes there is NO WINNING! :(

[deleted account]

Younger children are certainly held to a bit different standard than older children in these situations or a child that is just flat out willfully defiant. Then add ADHD, Autsim, Asbergers, etc into the mix and things can certainly become dicey. I agree we as parents need to lead by example always. But as I said before if I had a child that had been just plain willfully defiant he/she would learn very quickly that you can choose the action, but you can not choose the consequence. Sometimes for parents and children that comes at not only great sacrifice but also great heartache for both parties. I never spanked my children because it made no sense in my head to hit them and then tell them not to hit me when they would get upset with something. But they were punished and I always followed through with the punishment. I did not make threats I couldn't back up. My biggest regret was how I spoke to them. I never called names or swore at them, but the tone of voice would be very condesending or sarcastic and that can do just as much damage as a slap. So that was the lead in my faucet.

Stephanie - posted on 05/11/2011

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When my sister was in 7th grade a boy was bullying her on the bus. She came home and told my parents. My dad knew this boys dad and called him and explained what my sister had told him. He said he wasn't blaming the boy but wanted to get to bottom of it. His dad had him at our house within 10 minutes to apologize. The dad then explained that this boy had been bullied and knew how it fealt and couldn't believe that he would do it. It never happened again. I personally give that dad credit.

[deleted account]

I don't think any child is truly held responsible for their actions until they are around 8 years of age. I believe we as parents can find teaching opportunities to instill in our children those things to help guide them the right direction. However saying that, we now deal with ADHD, Autism, Asbergers and many other challenges that make things like bullying harder for them to understand that it is not acceptable behavior. But when there is nothing wrong with the child other than willful defiance then is when I will lower the boom.

Kelly - posted on 05/11/2011

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There would be some discipline coming.. Depending upon what works for your child.. what age they are.. what things the child enjoys.. The comforts of life they have come to know would be taken away. I'm sorry.. but I see too many kids these days with soo much crap and they don't take care of it and they take it for granted instead of constantly earning it. They need food, shelter and clothing...anything else is a comfort to their life and should be taken into consideration as something they earn.
The question begs to be answered.. where did they learn this behavior?
Take a look in the mirror at the person they are supposed to learn from.. has there been mutual respect established? In other words.. the child will not respect you nor anyone else if you do not properly show them first.
Its important to get answers to these questions first.. This is a serious issue today and there aren't any sufficient laws to protect or punish people yet from this type of mental and emotional abuse.

George-Ann - posted on 05/11/2011

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I have a daughter with anxiety and am trying a hypnosis tape at the below link. They have a cd child calm and it was recommended for my daughter even though she does not have adhd. http://www.mindmotivations.com/shop/chil... I have read a few of the other responses and think some of them a too harsh. May I suggest that you join Parenting with Empathy for Separation Anxiety. I am the administrator and come across various counselling techniques and share them with my group. You may want to seek counselling as well. My link is http://www.circleofmoms.com/parenting-wi...

Beth - posted on 05/11/2011

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I had my son late in life, so I have the youngest. I'd set up a bullying situation with one of my friends kids, and use it as a learning experience.

Jocelynn - posted on 05/11/2011

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I'm embarrassed to admit this, but my now 14 year old has been the school bully. When he started the 7th grade he was bullied so bad that one day he had enough and snapped. He begin to hit and start fights with other boys, even if they looked at him wrong. He was suspended quite a few times and was even escorted home in the middle of the day by the principal because he didn't know what more he could do with my son. We did have to change schools, because of all of the issues. But what I found out is that he has an inferior complex thing. He doesn't want to be picked on so he picks first, he has low self esteem and he is an angry kid, for reasons of my ex-husband writing him off and the kids picking on his size since he is much larger than kids his age, plus he is on the defensive side. But since we started this new school he is better, not 100% because now he bullies his 11yr old brother alot now. Since I don't tolerate such things he has lost alot of privileges until he can work on his anger. He sees a counselor and because of his bipolar he sees a Doctor every month too. All I know is stand by what the school gives him, so he knows that what isn't tolerated at school is also not tolerated at home and find out the real reason for the bullying. Most of the time its because he is hurting in some way and he doesn't know how to channel it. At least that is what I have been told. Good luck, I know watching your child pick on other kids and get in trouble is the hardest thing, sometimes its easy to think was there something more that could be done when they were younger. The truth is probably not, kids are harder on themselves these days and kids are meaner. Hang in there, I know I am trying too. :-)

Cheryl - posted on 05/11/2011

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I am a graqndmother raising my grandson and this exact situation just happened during the school year. He was being bullied and fought back (not literally). I was told by a parent---thought she was my friend til recently---and then, after speaking to others (teachers, coaches and parents) have determined that it is all a crock of crap started by this someone. I myself am easily swayed and this has rubbed off on my grandchild. My cure has been to monitor all social activities and catching the act as it happens. Nobody (the kids, especially) likes it and they chatter about me behind my back, but at least I can watch for the real bullies.

Rosalind - posted on 05/11/2011

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That child would need to get professional help so that there would be action to turn around that child's life. We need to save that child for a positive tomorrow.

Lauren - posted on 05/11/2011

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I'd be saddened and embarrassed. I'd want to know what we as parents did to make our child think that it was ok to do that. I'd want to know what my child was thinking and feeling that made him/her lash out and bully others. Therapy for my child and child/parent sessions too so we can better understand our role and what we need to do.

Olivia - posted on 05/11/2011

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Shannin, some really helpful books : Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids, Playful Parenting, Unconditional Parenting, Raising our kids, raising ourselves. Also purejoyparenting.com. I would try not to parent out of fear (my child will become antisocial etc) and concentrate on my connection with him. Also, look at the needs underlying behavior, not just behavior. Behind a lot of aggression lies fear. Remember to model through your actions also. Good luck.

Kendra - posted on 05/11/2011

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I am rephrasing my statement, age and development are major factors in determining what needs to be done. There are also behavior or psychological, even genetic factors to be viewed. Sometimes there are things at home affecting the child that parents are unaware of, or at school there are certain factors such as the other kids thinking it's cool to be mean.Talking with the kid is the first step about his actions and having him apologize in person face to face. Sometime popularity and clicks have a great impact on a child's behavior. I know this sounds a little harsh, have the bully walk in the kids shoes for about 2 days. Have the bully be the victim. If you ever have seen "A Class Divided", the teacher was doing a lesson on racism. This took place in the 60's and was teaching this lesson beyond that. This was put to test on adults and it still had the same effect as it did with children. I would only do this with children in a certain age range and definitely in a group. Although it isn't racism the kids who are bullied get casted or singled out, in which leaves other kids not wanting to be around them. Great exercise to do with bullying but, with children this has to be done carefully. This is about power and control to make their self worth have value and they have to belittle someone to keep at that highest level they can. My daughter is ADHD along with an auditory processing issue and being bullied because she is different. She is such a great, neat kid, who has so much to offer and kids sometimes are afraid of things they don't understand. Kids shouldn't make things harder for people who especially have a hard time as it is.What the bullies don't understand is how much of an impact this has on the kids emotional state and the environment they are both in. Kids understand more than what we actually think they do, don't under estimate them. There are great projects in Roots & Wings (revised edition), S. York that can be used for understanding of feelings, differences, and conflicts. I do take this very seriously, bullying has become a big issue and continues to carry on. As a mother follow your heart and instincts when it comes to your kid. You are the one whom knows your child the best. There's way too much to cover and not enough room to explain everything.

Christine - posted on 05/11/2011

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Wow, I think this all depends on how old the child is? For instance, if this is a one-year old, I think its different if it is an older child who is now interacting with in school & play dates. Some of them grow out of it, but I think this is an individual assessment that needs to be made by the parent. The first thing I think is determining the root of the problem, is it that they are not confident at home, is it that they are spoilt because they are the 'baby'... and then make a decision from there as to how this should be handled.

I would of course not want to be the parent hearing about my own child being the bully. But it starts from a very young age, and how they are molded.

If it is a problem that warrants punishment then it is a decision as a parent you have to make without concerns of what anyone else believes. Everyone will have an opinion of how you r raising your child, but no one knows your story.

Always make sure though that you are in constant communication with your children, be their parent and their best friend, and dont talk to them or treat them like babies...kids are smarter than you think.

[deleted account]

It wouldn't be pretty. I would not tolerate in anyway shape or form my child being a bully. I would be the first to turn him/her in and I would do whatever it took to insure the safety of the other children involved. I have zero tolerance for my children being disrespectful for those around them. I have always told them I will protect them with everything inside of me, but the day the break the law or be abusive, the buck stops here and I will be the first one to turn them in without a second thought.

Lara - posted on 05/11/2011

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You have to be consistent with your kids when teaching them compassion and empathy. That means that if you are talking to your friends and your child comes up to you and tells you that she was hit or if another child tells you that she was hit by your child, then you need to realize that first this is normal behavior. Second, you need to stop talking to your friend and deal with the child's issue. Both children need to be sat down and patiently spoken to in a manner that is kind. Every situation is different, so there is NO way I could tell you what to do in every situation. Sometimes you find out in your investigation (and this is who we have to be among other things when we are mothers), that the child hit the other in defense because she/he was hit. The reasons are endless, but you have to do your best to listen and sort through the material given to you and of course you will have to know a bit about the children as well. think of this...there is no psychologist that can access the situation by not having a background in some kind of field. So, it is important to know your child and the other parent will be helpful in knowing their child. Sometimes, you can find out what happened and sometimes you can't. In any event, you have to explain to the children how to handle their situation and you have to be age appropriate. So, for instance a 4 year old might have had her cup taken away. You explain to the one who took it away whose cup it was and that if it was his/her cup they wouldn't want it taken away...would they? You have to pose this as a question. Some kids are used to getting their way, so if the child can not see the situation no matter how you explain it, then you will have to come up with a compromise, such as..."After Annie uses the cup...you can use the cup." I would say this with a smile on your face, to show that they will have their turn. The bottom line is you have to show the children how to resolve issues and give them skills that they can use. Believe it or not...my kids have used my problem solving skills to work with other kids and I will never forget my son coming home and telling me how he helped an argument with 2 other kids. It was a proud moment for me. I believe we are here to raise our kids, not just have them and set them aside. They need our attention so that we do what is expected of parents, which is to teach them how to be. We will not be perfect at it. I do have to say...I have been raising my kids without a college degree in anything. I would say the degree I have is..."Kids." I discovered my kids and I also discovered myself through my experiences with my children. If you look at raising your kids as a special treat and give them respect, then you have done a great service to YOUR children. And no...you will not be able to make them perfect beings, who never get into trouble and you will not be able to make them perfect teenagers. Teenagers...is another subject and all bets go out the door;)

Nicole - posted on 05/11/2011

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My daughter is just about 4, how can you start showing and teaching them at this age to be nice to avoid them becoming a bully?

Susan - posted on 05/11/2011

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Willow, I have found that with my kids it is best taught through actions, and mirroring what they see. So, I would do what we have done, and get your family involved in volunteering on a regular basis with your local church, or civic group. It can even be with animals at a local shelter. When your kids see the joy that is brought to others by their KIND actions, it helps to reinforce the need for them.

Susan - posted on 05/11/2011

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I would take away privileges like playing Wii, and would probably make my son volunteer in some way that would help others - like helping at our church's food bank or clothes closet, or visiting a nursing home. I feel like one of the main causes of bullying is that compassion is not taught by the parents, so I would be horrified if one of my kids was found to be bullying others. My kids are still young (7,5,3), but even now we have them model compassion and empathetic actions. If one of them hurts the other (or one of their friends) or makes them sad, even accidentally, I stop play, and make them say and do the following, "I'm sorry. Are you okay? How can I make you feel better?" My oldest no longer needs reminders, and just does this behavior automatically. I see genuine empathy in his eyes and hear it in his voice now. And hope that this is just a skill he will get better at as times passes.

MollyHolmes-Burgess - posted on 05/11/2011

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I would br angry and mortified as i was bullied all through middle school and part of high school. I would have her wrtie a letter of apology to the chid/ren she tortured. Shw ould then have to wirte me an essay on the effects of bullying, why she did it and why it was wrong. Cell phone, internet access, video games and TV would all be taken away and I would drop her off (or someone would not a friend) and pick her up from school everyday there would be no haging with friends until the parents of the child/ren she bullied called me and told me that it had stopped completely. Seems harsh but my life was a living hell for 4 years because of this. My kids would need to know tha bullying of anyone will NOT BE TOLERATED!

Micheline - posted on 05/11/2011

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hi

that's a tough question .. my oldest is 3 so with her i would try to get books... if it happened infront of me i would pull her aside, time out, talk about it and try to get her to apologize. good luck

Lara - posted on 05/11/2011

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I don't think parents should be mortified, but understand that kids make mistakes from time to time. In some cases a kid may be deemed a bully and they were defending themselves. I have found in my years that you have to research each event with both kids and parents to get to the truth and heart of the matter. If a kid is a persistent bully then you need to get your child some help, because this kid is blaming other kids and picking on kids because he has little self control or is taking his frustrations with others out on others, or even just bored and maybe trying to show off to freinds...which is really a signal that he/she is deficiant in something in their lives and that may be a variety of things, but especially;...compassion. Maybe they are not understanding compassion because they are not getting compassion themselves. In any event, a child who is bullying others should signal to the parent that they need to be vigilant and aware that something is going on with their child. The child, might be the victim of some sort of bullying themselves and their bullying is a way of balancing themselves. I have been on both sides of the fence with bullying. I was bullied for many years of my life and I was even bullied by my father and his family. This went on for years and years until finally, the wrong person said the wrong thing to me one day and I hit her with all my might and that was the day that my life took a turn for the better, because it was the last time I let anyone bully me, that i was at least aware of. When I grew up and my kids were being bullied by the kids in the neighborhood, I took action in every case. Sometimes I brought the kids and parents together, sometimes i called the police, but in every case I was there to work with my kids. I found in many cases, that when my kid was accused of being the bully, that when I brought both together, that the other kid was lying to his mother and the truth came out. Believe it or not, parents get furious when you have proven your case, but that is their problem to have to sort out. I have never looked at my kids like they are not beyond harming other kids. In fact, all kids are and that to believe that your kids are incapable of bullying is to say they are not human. Kids will make mistakes parents...thank God, because that is how they learn. In the cases in my neighborhood, the parents didn't really want to believe their kids bullied mine and did nothing about it, so I had to take the situation to the police and as a consequence their kids learned the hard way that they are not to hit my kids. Whether your child is the bully or bullied, your child needs your attention to help them through the do and don'ts of growing up.

Marcia - posted on 05/11/2011

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I frankly would have to take a good, hard look at myself and the child's homelife...I have yet to meet or know of a bully who didn't get most of it from their home...Whether it be parents that bully each other or the children, the siblings bullying each other, it doesn't matter. If you teach and practice respect for each other, you should not be faced with a bully...

Shannintipton - posted on 05/11/2011

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Hi Christina,
I agree, but I guess she has been lying about for so long (since her teen years) she cant bring herself or scared to (they have money if you know what mean) tell her. Its a mystery to me. LOL {:+)

Sam - posted on 05/11/2011

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This is for Micheline Shipp did having your daughter write lines help with her anger at all?

Christina - posted on 05/11/2011

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@ Shannin Tipton: I'd say that by the age of 51, she doesn't need to get permission from her parents to smoke. Or have sex. Or have a beer. Or...anything, really.

Shannintipton - posted on 05/11/2011

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@ Elise,
I hardly ever let him go to this boys house anymore. I do let his mom take them both to the park. Where there other people around. I mostly let him come over to our house. And then not that much anymore because of this. I just keep making up excuses. But let me tell you, this little boy is very persistant. Will knock almost until the door comes down. And many times a day. I just ignore it most of the time. Then he calls all the time. It can be very annoying. Thank you for your input. {:+)

Alyne - posted on 05/11/2011

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My 4yo bullied a classmate at his daycare. He wasn't the only one, and I suspect he wasn't the first, but I did have a very serious, and emotional, conversation with him about what he did and how he made that little girl feel, and how he'd shamed his family. The next day, I made him apologize to the little girl. Ever since, he's stated how much he wants to "be nice" and I praise him when he does something sweet. He's always had a bit of an aggressive streak, but he's a sweet, affectionate child. I'm just gonna have to keep an eye on him and guide him to make the right choices. I also plan to get him into martial arts as soon as possible, so that he has an outlet for his aggression AND learns how to control it.

Shannintipton - posted on 05/11/2011

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@ Tory,
I think you are doing the right thing home schooling him. I dont think you are running away from a problem. I think you found a solution to a big problem. Good Luck and thanks for the advice. {:+)

Elise - posted on 05/11/2011

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Shannin, don't let your son go over to this other boy's house. Explain to your son that you know this boy has been mean to you, and you don't want him to have the chance to do it again. Tell him that what this boy does is wrong, and you don't want him being around people who do bad things. If the boy and/or his mom ask why your son can't play at his house anymore, then be honest. When I told my friend that her daughter was being a bully (and boy, was that a hard conversation to start! only possible after tons of prayer!), she thanked me and said she had already realized it and was dealing with it.

Tory - posted on 05/11/2011

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Maybe home schooling was his punishment. For me I would rather home school my son than sit and watch him go through every year for the rest of his schooling years. Some say it is running from the problem and I dont care what they think. To me it is stopping a situation from happening and becoming one of those statistics like teen suicide all over being bullied! How many of those stories have your heard recently. Can people not see bullying is a serious problem that is leaving parents, sibling and loved ones devastated?

Shannintipton - posted on 05/11/2011

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Wow, Light bulb just went off. I bet that is why the mother of the boy who had bullied my son is now being home schooled by his mom. Maybe he was getting in trouble for being a bully at school. Ah, it is starting to make sense now. THANK YOU {:+)

Tory - posted on 05/11/2011

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Honestly I would be very upset and make sure that my child was punished for their actions. I have strong feelings on this subject because my some has been bullied in his new school for the last 3 years and each year has wound up finishing the school year out at home which I think is totally unfair so next year starting his 7th grade year we will be home schooling. I will never understand why children feel the need to torment other children to this point or at all really. They preach about how it is not tolerated in the school but yet the one being bullied is the one getting punished and that is how I felt when it came to my son and so did he. He felt he was being punished for the other children's actions. I wonder how they would feel it it was them, reverse the table and see what happens ya know?

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