What would you do in this situation? Where do I go from here?

Sheena - posted on 01/23/2013 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My husband is the boss of about 80 people. I recently found extremely sexual and inappropriate texts between him and a young girl who is his employee. I flipped out, of course and confronted him. He quickly deleted all the messages.. This to me was confirmation it was something major. He denied denied denied, the finally admitted to it BUT said that his coworker (guy who is also married) grabbed his phone and did it. Now I'm just suppose to believe him and move on? They work together everyday and I'm a stay at home mom and feel sad and depressed about this still. I feel like maybe the guy who wrote it should have some accountability with own wife!! but when I told my husband this he said "if your going to act like a phsyco, ill divorce you!" That hurt.. I'm so confused and angry and hurt.. How am I suppose to have closure with all of this, our marriage was absolutely wonderful before this! And now it's so tainted... Help!!!

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Sheena - posted on 01/23/2013

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As far as I know just the sexual texts.. We share a car and I always pick him up and drop him off at work, he doesn't stay out late and is very loving to me and our baby. Everything is perfect I. Our marriage except this one thing.. It's eating away what I thought we had.

Dove - posted on 01/23/2013

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Ditto Shawnn. He's full of crap. If you can't afford counseling... you may be able to look into counseling from a church (who may work with you on the cost) or check into adult mental health services and see what low cost options your area may have available. IF you want to stay in this relationship... counseling is a must. Either he will be willing to go with you and change... or you are going to need 'coping techniques' to live with a man who doesn't value his relationship... or you're going to need the strength to get out and raise your child to understand that this type of relationship is unacceptable.

Sheena - posted on 01/23/2013

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It's tough because my gut tells me there more to this.. But it's been 3 months and I just can't seem to let it go.. He just can't believe I'm STILL talking about it! Well yeah when he says stories about her at work I get so hot in the face an furious!! Everyday their still cohersing and having such a great time.. And I'm a stay at home mom with our newborn baby.. I can't afford counseling and he wouldn't pay for it cause I'm "overreacting over nothing"! I love him so much this is the ONE thing that is ruining everything!! I just want to stop thinking about it but I can't:(

Amy - posted on 01/23/2013

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Personally I think he's lying to you! As a manager who knows how serious companies take these allegations you would never allow someone to use your phone to text another coworker sexually explicit messages. Only you can decide how to proceed, you will probably never have 100% truth from him so you have to decide if you can accept the inappropriate behavior or not. I also recommend therapy because you will have major trust issues and rightfully so!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/23/2013

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No, sorry, Sheena, my hubby was a kitchen manager for YEARS and I was a server for just as many years, and that behaviour goes on all the time. Maturity level? Yeah, right.

Put your foot down. Either he absolutely stops the behaviour all together and agrees to go for counseling, or you serve him with papers.

Sheena - posted on 01/23/2013

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My husband is 32 and the other coworker is 35. They girl coworker involved is 19!!! I agree with the level of immaturity... Which my husband acknowledged when "kinda" apologizing to me. He also said that this behavior is what "happens when you work in a resteraunt" ya ok? And he is the BOSS of all the people..

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/23/2013

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Methinks he doth protest too much. He rapidly deleted the "evidence" and gets extremely hostile and defensive when you request accountability...

See a family counselor now. Your husband has been and still is most likely sleeping with the office worker. The story about a "male coworker grabbing his phone" is a crock at best. First of all, how old are these men? 12? Middle school boys grab each other's phones and snap pics on them. Adult men do not.

Sheena - posted on 01/23/2013

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You think so? I would have thought if you have nothing to hide then why delete them?

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