What your view on discipline

Crystal - posted on 01/26/2010 ( 56 moms have responded )

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How do you dicipline your children? How would you Discipline a two yr. old boy, who hits, kicks and screams no?

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Corrie - posted on 01/29/2010

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I would not call him a bad boy. I would label things good choices, hurtful choices. I would skip the time outs (SSHHH don't tell the Supper nannny).Sometimes charts help, as long as he can explain to you what the chart is showing him. Small children sometimes don't understand linear things like we do. You might try putting a marble in a jar and taking one out, or making a paper chain that spans his window. This way he can put the marble in and when the marbles reach a certain drawn line he gets that reward, or tape / staple the link in the paper chain so he can be a part of the building and taking out if poor choices are made.

Kristin - posted on 01/28/2010

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I have a three year old daughter that learned "I hate you" from my sister who was just joking around. I bought one of those little camp chairs that fold up and keep it in the corner of the living room. If she is naughty then I sit her in the chair for 3 minutes and then we get down so that her eyes are level with ours and we discuss why she was in the chair. The first few times, she kept getting out, but we just calmly walk over and sit her back in the chair until the timer goes off.

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Abby - posted on 09/29/2011

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I have never had to deal with a tantrum but if I did, I would try the holding with his back to you. I like it because you stay close together and you become a safe place for him. I would be interested to hear if it works if you try it.

Kellie - posted on 01/31/2010

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First I would ignore the way he is acting, because all he is trying to do is get your attention. I would however, say in a calm manner, that is not nice, and then I would try to redirect his attention to something else. Alot of times they act like that when they are not getting their own way, and sometimes, because they are bored. If you try to redirect their attention, they will forget all about what they were upset at, to begin with.

Crystal - posted on 01/31/2010

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Thank you ladies you all have givin me hope I have been tring the time outs and at 1st we would have to stop b/c he's asthamic but night was wonderful i put him in time out and made him sit there and even sat in there with him once he stopped screaming and crying i made him look in my face and i asked him " See you dont like time out" Mommy dont like putting you in time out" Jaydin can you start to be a good boy and listen to mommy when her tells you no" he said yes mommie and then he said " Monmy sorry" and hugged my neck! It melted my heart and he has been a good boy roll since! ahhh Peace at last again thank you all!!!

Elaine - posted on 01/31/2010

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I am in the same situation with you Crystal. My youngest son is 22 months and I practically have to sit on top of him to make him stay in time out. He is a hitter and nothing has helped with that either.

Sandra - posted on 01/30/2010

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Too much talking is useless because they learn quickly how to tune you out. And having asthma is no excuse for not disciplining your child for fear that he will have an attack. I bet he didn't just begin to have tantrums, and he is playing you; he is becoming your parent rather than you being his. You can't show that you're losing it, and you have to be consistent. Parents think their children are the cutest little darlings in the world and they foster bad habits until they can't take it anymore, then the child is in control. I always used a stern, low voice on my boys and as men today, they will tell you about the days when I spoke so they could barely hear me, and called their first and middle names between clenched teeth. I grew up with "the look" and it was effective for me and my kids. Try it. But YOU MUST BE CONSISTENT, and you CANNOT show that you're tired or exasperated. These are short people, not stupid kids.

Alex - posted on 01/30/2010

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i watch my sister in law with her kids as i am about to have one myself and it defintly seems consistency is key, my brother is very consistent about how he tells his 3 year old son off but my sister in law sometimes just gives in or lets him get away with something one day but not the next day u can actually see him getting confused about this. If he is kicking then its ok to hold his hands by his side and hold him still u won't hurt him get him to look at u and speak clearly and simply tell him what he did wrong and tell him he needs to apologies then put him in time out, if he runs away from time out dont talk to him or yell just calmly put him back, hes looking for the reaction so dont give him one, sometimes this can take a while but soon he will learn that the longer he complains the longer till he can play, but you must be strong, calm and consistent, good luck :)

[deleted account]

Positive reinforcement works best for me, but if my kid was outright rebellious like what you described I would spank. I Believe in what the bible says though and thats where my belief of spanking comes from. There are the yahoos out there that will tell you that thats not what those verses (the ones pertaining to spanking mean) but the bible was written by fisherman ect...it kind of means what it says. Not to mention that God nearly killed Moses for his outright rebellion when Moses would not circumsize his son. It's not hard to see where God stands on the issue.

Helen - posted on 01/30/2010

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distraction

ignoring

naughty corner

leave to cry out then talk calmly

only a tap on the leg if they have put themselves in serious danger

Leanne - posted on 01/30/2010

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Personally, I would keep up with taking things away from him. I know it seems like it doesn't phase him.. But after all he has left is a bed and a dresser in his room he will learn!

Then make him earn it back, everytime he's good he gets a toy back or something else.. and then if he's bad it gets taken away again.

My son is only ten months old, so I don't have to worry to much about this yet (soon enough I will though!!).. I hope you find something that works for you. :)

Hannah - posted on 01/30/2010

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Different things will work better with different children. If the child has developed an understanding of others' feelings, it may be possible to teach him without having to "discipline." My son responded to his sitter's hurt feelings when she cried after he slapped her, and that stopped him from hitting again.
If not, the important thing is to make the discipline immediate, easily understood, appropriately equal to the offense, and over & done with quickly. Some two-year-olds are mature enough to understand time-outs. Others don't get it, and only resent the confinement.
It may also be that the child is throwing temper because he is having difficulty communicating his wants or needs, and is frustrated. If there are similar circumstances predicating these tantrums, you may be able to head them off by assessing the situation leading to the behavior, and making changes which will circumvent the frustrating circumstance(s) and negate the temper.
For instance, if the temper occurs due to change of activity (such as going from play-time to bath-time, or getting out of the bath to go to bed), it may be that it's time to start giving a five or ten minute warning before that change comes, so that he is not surprised by the change. If it's happening at specifically bedtime, a step-by-step bedtime routine can help him get mentally and emotionally ready for sleep. Mine was snack-pjs & toothbrush-story-prayers-sleep. The snack was specifically called a bedtime snack, so it signaled the beginning of the routine, but my son knew he wasn't going to lay down right away. At the same time, repeating that pattern, combined with having a specific, set bed time, conditioned him to become sleepy, and the treat of special mom-time (the story) cushioned the blow of having playtime over for the day.

Reading some of the comments, I see you are using positive reinforcement (the chart, rewards) too. That does work well with temper control, because it gives the child a goal to reach.

As his communication skills develop, it can help to teach him (during calm moments, not at the time of the event) to tell you why he's mad instead of just acting out his anger. As he learns that temper never gets him what he wants, but that communication (or, "use your words" for a kid) sometimes does, calm communication will become a more attractive option for him. The chart you use would work well with that, too.

Kim - posted on 01/30/2010

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I completely agree with Kristy Dixon. I am not of the belief that a spanking should humiliate, embarrass or even ridicule a child. I am of the belief that IF the situation calls for it, then yes, use it. ONLY use your Open Hand (that way you feel the same pain they do and you know when to stop), No More than One swat for each year of their life, Only hit on their legs, bottom or hands/arms. AND, the mark you leave should never last longer than 5 minutes. A spanking as discipline is NOT the same as abuse.

I was spanked in such a way as a child that by today's standards it would be considered abuse. Because I am not a fan of spanking, I rarely ever used it on my children - but I definitely did when the situation warranted. They would get 2 verbal warnings to stop their unwanted behavior, the next time all I would say is "Three" ... if I reached "Five" (open hand), no questions asked, they would get a spank, period. Not a beating, just a spanking - sometimes just one spank, but rarely was it ever more than 5.
It's been years since I've had to spank my children, they just hear "Three" and they change their behavior. Of course, being older and into video games and computer use, the threat of taking that away is more than enough to make them change their behavior for the better, LOL.
I'm glad the chart method is working for you - every child is different, so their forms of discipline should be as well.

[deleted account]

Consistency....one warning then time out if behavior continues, no communication during time out, if he gets out put him back in, 2 minutes once he's there

no yelling....shows you've lost control and gives him the upper hand and makes him feel insecure

rewards and praise of good behavior...you have to really look for it and give it out of the blue

Nancy_sing - posted on 01/30/2010

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encourage and reward good / acceptable behaviour, while doing so, tell abt wat is unacceptable behaviour. i always differentiate behaviour from who he is.i tell him i love who he is but i cannot accept the behaviour. so that he still feel loved and its being objective that its the behaviour that u disapprove of.

Melissa - posted on 01/30/2010

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I would suggest you watch some episodes of Super Nanny. She is the one with the British accent. She works with kids who have these kind of problems and worse. She uses the naughty spot and other techniques. The naughty spot can be anywhere except their room. I really like her firm but loving way of disciplining children.

Nancy_sing - posted on 01/30/2010

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v tough...i guess its different technique for diff age group. but all have to start with parents setting examples. children below 6 take instructions, children 7 -12 probably mirror their parents' behaviour, above 13 got to let go and talk...

Corrie - posted on 01/29/2010

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Oh' I almost forgot the most important thing. Don't forget to make time to talk and to listen when good or bad choices are made.

Corrie - posted on 01/29/2010

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Depends, does he see others hit kick and scream? Does he understand it hurts?

Has he learned life guides like" do to others as you would have them do to you"?

Kids will do what they have seen, and been able to do. If you are counting on school or daycare to discipline, they will not for fear of lawsuits. A time out is a bout all they can do. Like all discipline you need to make consistant consequences and stick to them no matter how difficult it is for the boy, or the mom. Be willing to walk out of the store and leave the cart full of groceries, or to tell your best friend that you can't come to her son's birthday party or better yet, you go and leave your son with a sitter. What he is allowed to do now will set him on the right path for his future. Never, never , never give in to a tantrum or fit. Play the broker record " kicking hurts. When you kick you don't get to play your computer game" (or whatever pushes his buttons). Stay calm, don't negotiate and always put the responsibility back on the him. He is the only one who can control his body. By choosing to kick he chose the consequence. You are not giving it to him, he chose it. Stay strong.

Cindy - posted on 01/29/2010

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Vicki Crutchfield --- I think you misread my post. I said make sure you are not hitting or screaming... I am a true believer that there is nothing gained from that type of behavior.

Crystal - posted on 01/29/2010

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Thank you Ladies but I have thought and tried the " time outs" but they dont work no matter how many time I put him back in time out he just screams and crys so hard too the point where he will throw himself into an astham attack And as far as him hitting he thinks that he is playing b/c we d ruff house him some what but he has gotten better about hitting, So what I'm doing now is a big boy chart/bad boy chart everytime he does something that a big boy does i put a sticker on the big boy side, and when he does bad boy things the sticker comes off the big boy side and on the bad boy side where I then market it out with a black market and is no longer good. At the end of the week if he has more stickers on the big boy side then the bad boy side I take him and do something special for him, A new toy, Ice cream ect.... Thank you ladies

Lydia - posted on 01/29/2010

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Walk away and let him lashout to thin air...put him in the laundry to lash out out of my presence. It depends on where (and therefore what means are available) and to whom he is hitting and kicking. My friend takes all things rectangle off her daughter (includes toys mirrors tv computers etc) which works for her as time outs never did. Good luck...

Felicity - posted on 01/29/2010

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All the advice given by eeveryone is good. It mainly trail and error you will know what will work for you and your child. But get in first with him getting upset,as you don't want asthma attacks as I know what that is like sometimes scary. I would sit with him wrapped in my arms and speak quietly and nice things and then once calm talk to him. I did this with my oldest child and many children I have worked with. I also used time out as quiet time away from me and removing the object from the child. this is all I can say

Vickie - posted on 01/29/2010

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LOL...hitting a child because they are hitting....hmmmmm....REALLY!? I am ALL for "Spare the rod - spoil the child", but NOT for hitting. That makes no sense at all!!

Cindy - posted on 01/29/2010

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As the mother of three children - 18,15,&8 I would encourage you to find things to praise your child for the things he does. I do believe timeouts work if you are consistent and fair. Make sure you are not hitting or screaming as they will mimic our responses. Make sure he knows what he is there for and always make him say he is sorry for what ever the bad behavior is and don't forget to hug him after the sorry and tell him/her you love him. It doesn't work over night but it does eventually work. The only other thing I might add is make sure you are stimulating him with positive things during the day. Don't just tell him to go play, make sure you are playing games with him as well. Let him help you in the kitchen and more. I promise you are going to blink and he is grown. Remember though, you are the parent and he is the child not the other way around..... Good Luck!

Caroline - posted on 01/28/2010

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Have a time out which he stays on for a minute for every year he is so 2 mins if 2 years. Explain what they have done wrong and then sit them on the time out. If they get off the time out then put them back don't speak to them and the 2 mins starts from the time you put them back on if he gets up again you do the same thing again until he has sat there for 2 mins then you get him to apologise.

Marcella - posted on 01/28/2010

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My son is only 4 months, so I haven't had to discipline him yet, but I'm working on my M.S. in acupuncture and there's a point on the foot, Kidney-1, that is indicated for nighttime crying in children and is generally calming. I've dug my thumb into it when Nero's been over-stimulated, and it usually calms him right down.

Debbie - posted on 01/28/2010

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I agree with a time out. Only 2 minutes cause he is 2, Put him back as many times as needed. Do not give up. I also say consistance is right. You can not let them get away with it once or twice than do a time out. That will just confuse him.

Pamela - posted on 01/28/2010

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I use the 1-2-3 Magic guide. It works wonders for my son. My husband & I DO NOT spank or slap. The book and DVD really changed how we dealt with Brandon and truly he did take to the style. I was raised with the yelling, screaming, slapping and hitting, all it did was make me hate as well as be very angry. I have met other people have great success with this style. Some kiddos go for it and some will fight it at first. Just take the focus with the guide and everyone wins in time.

Kylee - posted on 01/28/2010

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Also Crystal if he gets out of the timeout, I suggest as did shelagh, sit with him, holding him with his back to you. Let him scream but do not let him up until he lets the fit go and will talk to you about what he did and why it was wrong. My 3 year old hates this method but it works.

Kylee - posted on 01/28/2010

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I use timeouts, taking of toys and priveledges. If those don't work I spank but not out of anger. Just enough to get their attention. If they are yelling at me to do something and not asking correctly, I will ignore my daughters until they lose the attitude or fit (whichever the case may be). once the attitude is gone and they talk to me as they should with respect and in a normal voice I will talk to them about what they wanted and thank them for asking so nicely. I make sure to follow discipline up with positive reinforcement when the action is done acceptably. This way they know I am not upset with them but with their behavior.

Penny - posted on 01/28/2010

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You need to do time out I think one thing at time do not pull toys nad time out that would be good.........One are the other...

[deleted account]

As a mom of two very spirited twins... when the kicking and screaming phase started... I firmly said "No yelling, No yelling at mommy. We do not hit." Of course my girl was too wound up to care, so I firmly held her feet, or hands and brought her to the time out chair.... a couple (maybe 3 consecutive time outs) ensued before she calmed down and could communicate. I do the "supernanny" follow up of short explanation of offense, ask for an apology and then give a big hug and say "I love you". Now getting the twins to sit in time out was a whole other challenge. Again, that supernanny technique of consistency worked. I was exhausted, but it did work eventually. Now they don't get out of the chair and stay for the 2 minutes.



If one of them is having an all out "I'm two" tantrum, I make sure they are on the carpet, vs. the tile or hardwood floor and walk to the other room with a short explanation that we can talk when they are ready to use their words. Twin A is a bit of a tester, but eventually comes around.



On spanking... I was regularly spanked as a child, as were my brothers. ((We were born in the 60s and my parents were reared during the depression and WWII) I remember those events as pretty devastating and humiliating. My brothers regulalry hit each other and me.... hmmm.... where could they have learned such behavior?



My husband and I choose not to hit our children. Actually, the thought of it bring me to near tears. Amazingly enough, they end up being the children at the party, at school or at the babysitters who were the easiest to be with. I always hear "they are so sweet and easy to take care of". I am definitely firm and consistent with discipline and rules "be kind, do not hit... or to my six year old 'try saying that again in a nice way to mommy".... I am of the camp that hitting confuses the child. We are their whole worlds, we should have control of ourselves and I truly believe a two year old is too small to understand and only will learn to fear you. I'm not above losing my temper... I sometimes have to leave the room for a minute and regain my composure when life with twin toddlers and a six year old gets overwhelming. But, really you can do it without spanking and still raise lovely, polite, kind and sweet children.

Kristy - posted on 01/28/2010

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Time Out by definition is not a discipline or a consequence. It was origninally created to be a time to calm down in a safe and separte location. It sounds like most of those that have responded have taken that safe and calm place away from their child. And spanking for hitting does not confuse the child. Actually, children who are not spanked can become more violent than those who are because they become confused on where the limits and boundaries are with their parents and begin to rebel even more as they get older because there are no real consequences in the home. Children feel safe and secure and loved when a parent chooses to set a limit and follows thru with an appropriate consequence when that limit is pushed. You should never ever spank spontaneously or out of anger. There is a right and wrong way to spank. It should be very calm and expected and not be used to embarrass or shame the child. Not every child should be spanked. It depends on the child's personality. Some children laugh and it doesn't phase them just like Time Out and other children will cry if you just look at them sternly. These types of children should not be spanked. You need to know your child's personality before choosing what type of consequence would work best.

Roxanne - posted on 01/28/2010

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Try time out, and remember time out does not start until he stops yelling, kicking and all other bad behavior, also your husband has to help you and stand behind you as well, you need to be a team.

MaryAnn - posted on 01/28/2010

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If he is just throwing a temper tantrum, and not hurting anyone, ignore him until he comes to you. If it is not just a temper tantrum I would have him checked for food alergies and spectrum autism.

He may be brilliant, but his synaptic response is not firing properly. My son started this acting out behaviour when he was three and I was at a loss. I refused to allow the doctors to drug him, but then there was virtually no assistance for a mother of this type of child and everyone blamed me for his behaviour. It was not until he was almost 14 that someone suggested Borderline Autism. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) can be a part of this. My son is a very talented and highly functioning Asbergers Syndrome Child/Man like Howie Mandell with his OCD.

I do not want to scare you. There is hope but you will have to change your entire set of expectations around your son and some of these will be unconscious.

Violence is a response that if it is reinforced or ignored, only gets worse. When he starts acting out, hold him FIRMLY and explain to him that his behaviour is not acceptable. He will not understand the words right now so much as the actions and this must be consistant so give up any expectation of making dinner on time, or getting the laundry out of the washer or dryer. This is very time consuming. Find a specialist who is not a drug pusher to diagnose your son and read. Read everything and you become the expert on you childs reactions.

My son did not like to be held - too much stimulation. He still does not like to be held. As a baby he tolerated me holding him to feed him and enjoyed being in the same room with me when I was busy, but I could not hold him without him reacting by screaming and pulling away. Good cause/effect thinking is a real problem. He is only now recognizing what I have been trying to get him to understand that his actions have or can have numerous outcomes, not just the one that he expects. When he was 13 he was riding his bicycle too fast and even though he braked, did not do it in time and fell into a bush. He blamed the bicycle and refused to ride it again. The bike was fine and his younger brother who does not have this problem loved the bike.

Good Luck.

DeAnna - posted on 01/28/2010

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The best discipline I have given for this behavior (and has worked for several other of my friends) is to take away ALL toys in these extreme circumstances. We start with the few favorites and from there he works his way up if behavior continues. We have gone to the extreme of ALL toys in the house (yep, ALL). Here is the catcher however. I made him pack them up one by one into storage boxes on his own as we carried them out to the garage. It was a long and painful process with a lot of pleading and crying of never doing it again and being "sorry mommy" (which breaks your heart) but in the end he learned the lesson. Those toys, books, games are a privilege in our home. We set the time for 2 days (I had one friend did it for a week for the son not apologizing to a teacher when asked). In one case I did all books (which are his favorite). To this day all we need to do is ask what happens when he is disrespectful and he says "all my toys are put away". So what to do with a child and no toys? Get creative. Mine helped me sort laundry, gather up trash cans, sweep...simple house hold chores. If you need to get out you can take a walk around the block (no bike). Create chore chart they have to complete while toys are put away. You will be amazed at how helpful a small child (even as small as 2 years) can be with simple chores.

While I am not totally against spanking (my mom did it and I am in no way emotionally troubled as a result), in the times I have used it I feel it sends the wrong message (especially when the child is hitting and you are trying to stop that behavior). Now I do believe a firm slap on the hand also gets attention and is less severe. I have been known to use this on rare occasions.

Just remember. Today may be hard but the discipline you put into today results in a more disciplined and behaved older child, teen, and adult.

Cindy - posted on 01/28/2010

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I would put him in time out and explain his actions are not acceptable. If it continues he will lose favorite toy etc. Being consistent is the biggest things.

Kindra - posted on 01/28/2010

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Time outs.

Whether you have to put him/her in the bedroom or just in a corner.

Discipline must be instilled at a young enough age that they will respect it. By two they should understand that the behavior is not acceptable. Also getting down to the child's height to have a talk helps keep their defenses and fear down.

Please don't ever resort to violence no matter how close you are to your wits end. Spanking is one thing but beating is another.

Mariah - posted on 01/28/2010

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I would do what I always Do!! I would look my Child in the eye {on His level} And Tell him stop. I he continues he is put in his area of the house {his room} Only because he can't draw the attention he wants. If he comes out screaming Put him back but don't talk. After a few times he will stop before you put him in the room, then it will be on to the next stage for development. If his breathing is a problem then speek with your Dr. about a temp med that will help. But acting like the world or your world to be exact revolves around him will never help him to move past the demanding stage. we all love our Children but they should not defne us or Us them.

Gill - posted on 01/28/2010

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What are you feeding him, has he any intolerences to food ...has he seen anyone close become physical?...i think its just a case of terrible 2's.. try and put him somewhere safe where he cant hurt himself... till he can calm down..this might sound silly but take his shoes and socks off... it works i promise...

Jennifer - posted on 01/28/2010

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Bottom line is you have to find a discipline method that you are comfortable with. If you are no longer comfortable with the "Time Out" thing, then try one of the other suggestions. My daughter is almost 4 and is quite a challenge. I believe it is because she is very strong willed which will serve her later in life. (I hope anyway!) I simply remove her (or teh item) from the situation. Finding something to distract them from the negative situation can work too. That still works with my son and he is 8!
You have to be comfortable with what you decide though. Kids smell fear!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/28/2010

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The asthma makes it more difficult...I agree with Shelagh..you know what will set your kid off...stepping in before it all happens is necessary. But is he going into asthma attacks when he is hitting and smacking and yelling at you? Maybe timeouts are perfect then! It may take a long time initially...but it will be a calm down spot for him to gain control. But don't do anything to endanger him.

[deleted account]

Crystal - I will chime in that smacking him for hitting is just too stinkin' confusing for a 2 year old. Often that age they are just so easily frustrated because their language development isn't caught up to their brain yet. Given the added issue of the asthma attacks I would take some time when you are not in the midst and talk to him about how scary that is and how dangerous for him. Talk about how he could express things before he gets so upset he puts himself in danger. I know this sounds too grown up, but often we don't give our kids credit for how smart they are. Help him plan ahead for when he feels this way. I know a lot of parents that use sign language to help their kids express things they can't yet put into words. I wish I had thought of that when my kids were itty bitty.

back to the issue of when it is happening. Consistency, taking the toy away, or moving him away from the child he is hitting. If he's throwing a fit in a store, you just have to suck it up and let him because if he figures out you'll quit running errands every time he throws a fit you are in deep trouble. The key is what works for him. My son would get in trouble in preschool and they had the time out chair. Well, little did they realize he LOVED that chair. You could quietly watch what was going on, it was a perfect little boy size, he didn't even realize he was being punished! Once we talked about it and I explained to them that was a lousy punishment for him we came up with a new plan. Good luck! You'll make it.

Kelsey - posted on 01/28/2010

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Time outs. MANY of them. He will learn eventually. Hang in there. I dont think you can fix hitting with more hitting, its just hypocritical, he probobly wont learn its wrong if you do it too. Timeouts teach them how to handle their frustrations in a healthy way, takes them out of the situation, makes them think, and he will eventually realize its not worth it. Just dont yell at him, or talk to him about it till hes calm. If you give him attention when hes naughty, hes getting what he wants, and will keep it up. If you dont give him attention when hes naughty, he will stop. Its not magic, but it works sooner or later.

Jodi - posted on 01/28/2010

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That'll do it. By hitting them back, you can show them how wrong hitting is.......



Look, I am not averse to spanking/smacking on a very rare occasion, but smacking a child for these things is not going to teach them that hitting, screaming and yelling is NOT ok.



I have had children do this too, and I use time out for this behaviour at this age. You need to stay calm, show them that their behaviour is not upsetting you, but that you are very disappointed in their behaviour, and place them in time out (at age 2 this would be for 2 minutes). I always found that once my kids had finished time out, they were a little calmer and I could explain to them why their behaviour was wrong, and make them understand that any time they do that, they would go to time out again.



Honestly, spanking them for this behaviour is not going to teach that it is wrong.

Mel - posted on 01/28/2010

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I would smack him if my child did that. They cant be shown its ok. whatever punishment you choose keep it consistant. My daughter is 21 months and if she does something we tell her no over and over and if she keeps doing something she knows is wrong we give her a smack

Shelagh - posted on 01/28/2010

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Sorry Crystal - I didn't know. If you want to avoid your son screaming, you need to get in quicker before he gets to that point - I know that's almost impossible. You will know what is likely to set him off (and all children have tantrums at this age) and need to walk the fine line between letting him get away with things, and provoking a screaming session that might bring on his asthma. Try to avoid the situations if you can. For example, if saying no to sweets at the supermarket is a trigger point, either decide that it's OK for him to have a small packet, or don't take him with you. Good luck.

Crystal - posted on 01/27/2010

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That is hard to do my son has asthma and if he works his self up he throws his self into in asthma attack so its hard to do I've tried I feel like I'm at the end of my rope

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/27/2010

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When they get up from time out,..well that is where the battle of wills begin. What you are "suppose" to do is continue to put them in time out until they stay. It can take a while...with them screaming...but you aren't suppose to say a word...just keep putting them in time out. It is hard as hell emotionally and physically...but once it works...it usually does every time. I do not agree with getting in his face "with the scary mom look" that is way to threatening. If non of this stuff works, maybe ask a preschool how they handle it. How much time does he get out of the house socializing with other kids? My son is an only child, and use to not have alot of kids around (that has changed since we moved near family with kids his age) and that would be a contributing factor to his moods. Not having kids his own age to learn from and socialize with frequently. It is also a control factor for them...we control everything in there lives..literally...they want to have some control over a situation too! But I do agree...give alot of positive reinforcement...not just have him in trouble all the time. Best of luck! I hope my rambling gave something good out of all this typing!

Shelagh - posted on 01/26/2010

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This might surprise you, but I never used time outs, naughty steps, removing priveleges or grounding with either of my kids. When they were younger, I would physically remove them from whatever I didn't want them to do - or physically remove the object - with a very assertive 'No'. As they got older, I would say what I wanted - once nicely, once assertively, and once using my 'cross' voice. I only ever asked 3 times - if it hadn't happened after 3 times of asking, I acted. Every time. Be consistent. And I agree with Kati - catch them being good. Thank them when they've done something straightaway (or without being asked - it does happen!!), and tell them when they've behaved well.

To answer Crystal's question directly, I would hold him with his back to you (making it harder for him to reach you with his fists or feet), and let him scream. He can scream as much as he likes - the answer is still no. And it will be next time. And the time after that.

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