Whats the best way to sleep train a child?

Dawn - posted on 09/13/2011 ( 199 moms have responded )

3

23

0

Does anyone have some helpful hints to sleep training an 11 month old who wants to be held and nurse all night long?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Fit2BMe - posted on 09/13/2011

201

0

14

I found "The Baby Whisperer" to be a God-send!

We adapted some things.

Here's what we did:

-Consistent Bed Time and Sleeping Location

-Black-out blinds to keep the room dark

-A white-noise maker to block out inconsistent background noises in the house or outside that might disrupt sleep.

-a consistent bedtime routine (for us when DS was a baby it was having his last drink downstairs, then goin upstairs for pajamas/change, turn out the light, lay him in his crib and lay my hand on him, pray or say goodnight lovingly, and say night-night.)

-we chose to give soothers and a special blanket. Never gave liquids in bed, and easily weaned off soothers hen hewas older.

-if he cried or stood up, we went quietly in the room, did not turn any lights on or speak, laid him down and laid our hand on him, and stayed like that until he settled down, then left when he was quite drowsy but not yet fully asleep.

-be 100% consistent, no matter what, don't doubt yourself. Changing it and giving in isn't as nice as it seems, it's actually confusing them because they don't know when you mean business and when you don't, and why sometimes you're sticking to your guns and sometimes you're not.

-if babe is at an age where they're older and tantumming, then leave room and hallway dark, stand at the door but out of sight, and just softly and reassuringly say goodnight and that he's ok, it's nigh-night time, just repeating yourself softly so he hears your voice but that's it. Eventually he will lay down himself and go to sleep.

-again, be consistent! It feels like it will go on for ever, but if you're totally consistent it should only take a few nights at tops.



-I should add, my son was breastfed until close to two years old. We used nursing for soothing some times, but never as part of night-time. It's so important that babes get all the sleep they need and we did not want anything to disrupt that. DS slept through the night from 3 months old, and consistently 12 hours a night from that time on. It's worth it, for both of you. Mom's and babes both need sleep!!



Sleep training does not have to mean abandoning or denying your babe. You're being loving and consistent and teaching an important skill. An over-tired baby has a hard time falling asleep, so sometimes it helps to apply a bit of pressure to their legs while they're in their cribs. I would say that the most important thing we did was to remain present and soothe when necessary, but to never pick him up out of his crib once we laid him down. That was the best decision we ever made! He never even tried to climb out when he was older, and still at two calls out to say he's awake but waits for us to come get him from his regular bed.





Good luck!

Amanda - posted on 09/13/2011

2,559

3

365

Yeap my best advice is to nurse and hold your child. 11 months is very young to sleep train a nursing child.



I have never sleep trained any of my children, they are now 13, 11 and 3 all sleep through the night since they were 2. My three year old tonight actually kissed everyone good night and put herself to bed. The only thing I can say why my children sleep so well now, is because they were nursed and co slept with until they were ready to go into their own beds, and wean themselves.

Erin - posted on 09/13/2011

6,569

25

232

Oh my daughter slept right through the night at 8 weeks old. 12 hours straight. I know it's possible. But it's not 'normal'. And it only lasted a few months. She still went through stages of waking through the night as her needs changed (teething, growth spurts etc).

I guess I just don't understand this obsession we have with forcing babies to move through developmental stages before they are ready. Some babies are ready to sleep long stretches from birth (like my daughter). Others don't sleep more than a few hours at a time until 2.

[deleted account]

wow... who knew that this could be so controversial! moms can make EVERYTHING controversial. okay so i have homebirthed and nursed a number of children (until beyond 2) and willing to have 'em all in my bed every night if they wanted..... point being, i never planned to sleep train because it works for me. ironically all of my kids were sleeping through the night (8-12 hours) by 6 months old because they wanted to... now, we also introduced solids earlier than most because we felt like we should do it as soon as they showed the desire (plus all my kids had at least 2 teeth by 3 months and 6 teeth by 7 months). Anyways.... all of my kids were eating steamed veggies, sweet potatoes, homemade fruit sauces, beans, tofu, etc.... starting around 4 months. I was still breastfeeding a lot (to the point of not getting my period for a LONG time (still don't have it with my youngest being 15 months). my kids were also very active... crawling early and playing outside in the sunshine (we are Californians), walking between 7 1/2 to 10 1/2 months - yes my youngest walked at 7 1/2 months! Anyways, all this to say - there is nothing universal about what age to get them sleeping through the night - it really depends on the child's needs and the many surrounding factors that play into it. my kids also haven't been good nappers which is fine for us but some would rather have their kids wake up early or wake up through the night and take long naps so if you get your 11 month old sleeping through the night he/she might not take 2 naps anymore... ya know? still, there's also NOTHING wrong with sleep training if that's what is best for you. an 11 month old does not need to nurse during the night. can someone get up with your kiddo to night wean him/her first and then try sleep training? dad, grandmother, auntie..... any of those can usually do well with that one :-) it might be too much to sleep train and night wean at the same time and end up with screaming which might work but could also be traumatic for you. but he/she might not let you soothe during the night without nursing. you could also try a cup in the bed with water..... i know i know water (gasp!!!) - but is he/she a good weight? a good eater? overall good health? i get thirsty at night.... we just spent some time in Italy and it was soooo hot in our apartment and my daughter who was 11 months at the time started waking up in the night because she was so hot and because she woke up she wanted to nurse... so I tried that but it just made us both hotter so we put a sippy cup of water in her bed one night and sure enough she woke up, we heard her drink a little, and then she went back to sleep. okay i've talked enough. hopefully i've encouraged you at least a little. there's nothing wrong with what you want especially if it's going to help you get some consecutive hours of sleep and be a more functional mommy in the day time ;-)

Katherine - posted on 09/13/2011

65,420

232

4956

Go to Dr.Sears.com







Edit to add: An 11 month old needs you still. They don't sleep through the night.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

199 Comments

View replies by

Christina - posted on 09/24/2011

15

2

1

Really? Any medical professional? I completely disagree with that and I can find at LEAST three well-known and well-trusted doctors that are educated in sleep and breastfeeding that will say otherwise. In addition, I would venture that nearly every IBCLC would also disagree with your statement. It is very likely that your doctor's opinion is based on the patterns of a formula fed baby. So many medical professionals these days are used to the habits of formula and expect all babies to follow these patterns. I don't disagree that sometimes a baby wakes up to nurse back to sleep. I also agree that if you nurse your baby to sleep at bedtime, he is more likely to want to nurse when he wakes up at night. Infants, as well as toddlers, typically want to go back to sleep the same way they initially went to sleep. However, it is my experience (and that of anyone I have talked to about the situation) that a baby who just wants the breast to fall asleep will nurse for a very short time and go to sleep. A hungry baby will have a full nursing session and will drain the breast before falling back asleep.



Anisa, I am not attacking you or your choices. I'm not saying it's not possible for your children to have slept through the night and not needed to nurse. However, you have nothing to back up what you are saying and I have posted numerous, reliable links that back up what I am saying.



My daughter nursed a lot at night...She was also not interested in solids until she was about 14 months old. That is very typical and breast milk (or formula) should remain the majority of baby's caloric intake until a year old or even later. My son loves food and he nurses less at night than my daughter did. He wants three + meals a day with lots of on cue nursing during the day.



My opinions come from experience, but mostly research-based evidence. If you want to learn about a breastfed baby's needs and habits, talk to an IBCLC, look up Dr. Jack Newman, Dr. Sears or go to kellymom.com. Kellymom.com compiles research from a vast number of IBCLC's as well as sleep experts, nutrition experts and breastfeeding experts. This is where breastfeeding information should come from. The one thing I know for a fact is that just because a doctor said it, doesn't make it true. Doctors are not perfect, they don't know everything and they don't take special classes in breastfeeding (most of them anyways).



OP, I'm not saying you shouldn't night wean. It is possible that your child is ready to night wean or that you are ready. It is a nursing relationship and both parties are equally important. Sleep is important for everyone and you need it to be a happy functioning mother and your child needs you to be that. Only you know your situation and only you have to live with consequences (good or bad) of your choices. I have only tried to provide factual information on infant sleep and nursing that is relevant to your situation. I really could care less what people end up deciding for their family and children. What I hope for all families is that decisions are made after research has been done and all the real facts are weighed. Make an informed decision based on the research you have done, not on what we all say.



When I night weaned at 2, I told her she could only nurse when it was light out. It worked for her, but she was older and really understood day and night. It might help you to contact an IBCLC and get some tips from her to gently wean at night...For your daughter's sake and to help reduce engorgement! If you wean quickly, you will be up and in pain from the engorgement and not getting any sleep anyways!

Carol Jane - posted on 09/24/2011

31

0

0

Anna, I also believe that each child needs routine, but when they're infants and for awhile into toddlerhood, all they know is they have needs and the only way they can talk to you is through crying or whimpering. If your baby is crying, it's for a reason. He or she is telling you something. I believe their needs are meant to be met by their parents.



I was raised in the '50s and I turned out all right, sleeping in a crib, nursing for about a month and being fed with whatever it was back then . . . I was also going to bring my child home, give her lots of love and feed her every four hours, always on schedule. But the bond between my daughter and me took me to a different path.



RE - Co-sleeping: For us it was a God Send when I went back to work. Like Anna, my daughter nursed through out the night. She was 8 months when I went back to three 8 hour shifts and one 16 hour shift. Had it not been for co-sleeping, I'd have never made it through the day(s). In other words, it was right for us, maybe not right for all.

Carol Jane - posted on 09/23/2011

31

0

0

I think kids will fall into the pattern of sleeping at night whether co-sleeping or put into a crib. But children have different needs at different times, and all children are not the same (a point already made, at least in another person's post). I don't think one can say when a particular age child should be sleeping independently. Again, there are norms and averages, but all kids do not hit the same place on the chart at the same time. I agree that Dr. Sears books are great. Also, Dr. Paul Fleiss has a book on sleep called "Sweet Dreams," and one on Circumcision which addresses sleep patterns. I don't know that they are still in print, but they're both very good. I got one directly from Dr. Fleiss but had to order the other through Amazon, maybe used books? I enjoyed them both and got alot out of them as well as Dr. Sears books. . . . and my only boys were step sons, but what I got alot out of the book on Circumcision was great anyway!

Rebecca - posted on 09/23/2011

57

1

0

Hi Dawn, I have been very interested in this thread because really there are so many ways to encourage, help a child to learn to sleep through the night. It has been enlightening to read all the different methods that mums have used. I would particularly like to say that Kathy C's comment aligns directly with my own thinking. I hope you have found something here that you can work with and that soon you and your baby will be enjoying a full good night's sleep. Good luck..I would be interested to know what you do and how it works for you!

Caitlin - posted on 09/23/2011

2

0

0

My daughter is only 2 months and she sleeps through the night.. for now at least. What helped the most was laying her down before she goes to sleep. This way she learned to go to sleep on her own. Sometimes I hear her wake up and kick around a little bit, but in a few minutes she back asleep. Also she has a routine that never changes. She gets her bath, we put on her pajamas, and then she gets her last bottle. We turn the lights down while she eats and I think that helps too. Good luck! I'm sure you will find something that works for her.

Michele - posted on 09/23/2011

2

0

0

11 months is pretty old to be getting up at night! I breastfed both of my kids through 18 months and they both slept through before 6 months. Time to wean night feeding

Rana - posted on 09/23/2011

4

1

0

he does give advice on sleep training but just doesn't like the cry-it-out method especially in first 6 mths which as a nurse practitioner I would agree. But by a yr if baby can't get to sleep after being read a story and loved on i.e back rub etc then cry it out may be the only solution. I VEHEMENTLY disagree that you loose your baby's trust by using this method as it worked with my kids, 2 whom are grown and one still at home, all who trust me. You are coming in at regular intervals i.e. every 10 min or so to hug them but just not pick them up, then leave and come back at the next time interval. It takes 2-3 nights depending on the persistance of the toddler and it teaches them boundaries. It teaches them that you are there but there are rules. It's CONSISTANT and that's what kids need most.

Débora - posted on 09/23/2011

4

6

1

Hello, I am a mother of a five years old child and the truth when he was younger he went to bed and I stayed with him until he fell asleep but then I take that habit gradually and finally slept alone, without crying or anything.
the trick is to leave it alone even if you call and cry.
I hope that what it's worth my opinion.

Kathy - posted on 09/23/2011

142

14

47

you'll get all sorts of answers about this topic but if you want sleep train, go for it. just prepare yourself because it is hard. in my experience, kids can sleep through the night but somewhere along the way, have learned sleep associations that prevent them from sleeping through and will wake up between sleep cycles.

there are lots of books which can guide you how to do this; the most helpful i've read is the sleep easy solution (for exhausted parents). this actually tells you step by step how to do it.

good luck; it's tough and you will go through a week of rough sleep but consistency is key to success! once your child sleeps through the night, you'll be glad you did it.

ps - sleep training doesn't ruin your child or cause any abandonment/neglect issues despite what you read or hear. i sleep trained my child (as did many of my friends) and she's a smart, independent child and we have a fantastic, close, loving relationship (she's now 3). we have a good bed routine and she knows that bedtime means bedtime and we play and cuddle during the day.

PM me if you want some more advice. good luck

Angeline - posted on 09/23/2011

19

22

0

I agree with other moms saying that every child is different. But if you feel that you nor your baby is getting enough sleep and are desperate for a change, you should look into the Sleep Sense Program. When my baby was 9mo, I was at my wit's end about sleep. After debating with myself for a few days, I got my hubby's permission and bought the Program online for $45. I feel that's the best thing I've done for my daughter who is now almost 29mo and sleeps like a charm. It took about 7-10 days to fully help her break the bad habits and learn to sleep well on her own, but those few days are nothing compared to many, many months of good sleep that will follow. Hoping for the best!

Rana - posted on 09/23/2011

4

1

0

I agree with Anisa Foster you let them cry it out at 10 min or so intervals, go back, give them a hug but DON'T pick them up out of their bed, that gives them a false sense that if they cry you'll pick them up, you're just conveying you love them and you want to console them, BUT this is the proper time for them to go to bed and they are safe you are around. Return if they are still crying at the next time interval, repeat process, till they fall asleep. I did this w/my first after having rocked him to sleep. Key is I didn't make that mistake w/my next 2 kids. I put them in their crib before they fell asleep left door open and let them put themselves to sleep so to speak. As a nurse practitioner I see alot of school age kids who do not sleep well due to their parents not establishing a healthy sleep cycle early in life.

Anna - posted on 09/23/2011

206

0

0

Unless you want to traumatize your baby by letting him cry it out, there's no way to sleep train a child. My son is 17 months and he still wakes up many times a night to be nursed. It's totally normal. If you co-sleep, you'll barely notice the night wakings. Ask me how many times my son wakes up, I can't answer you. All I know is that when I wake up in the morning, my bra flaps are always open.

Sarah - posted on 09/23/2011

1,499

10

39

Even at 18 months my son was still having trouble going to bed on his own & sleeping through the entire night. So, his doctor told me to put him in his own room, turn off all lights, shut the door, and not go back in until the morning....regardless of whether or not he screamed his head off. She said, "he'll probably get to the point where he throws up, but he'll be fine."

WTF? Really? There was no way in HELL I would do this to my poor child! So, yeah...I totally threw that advice down the toilet!

My son just turned 2, and I still rock him to sleep most nights. He loves that closeness & comfort, and that's okay. He's still young! Once he falls asleep, I put him in his toddler bed & he sleeps through the night most of the time. Sometimes he gets out of bed to come co-sleep with us. I usually try to put him back in his bed & stay with him for a little while & other times I let him sleep with us. Yeah, I know I'm inconsistent, but this is what has worked for our family. :) I just say follow your motherly instincts!

Laura - posted on 09/23/2011

3

12

0

Dr. Ferber 's progressive waiting approach....works like a charm! I bought his book, "how to solve your child's sleep problems"....very good. good luck! Took about 3 nights to get my 4 mnth old who slept attached to my teat to sleep on her own without my intervention!

Anisa - posted on 09/23/2011

6

0

0

Well I can definitly say I didn't say anything about giving babies dummies, 2 of my kids never had a dummy and didn't need one, they were trained to put themselves to sleep, as for the 6 months and not needing milk to sustain them during the night, you can ask any medical profession, this is what I was told after having my first child. Its the fault of the parent when it comes to the childs sleeping pattern, and yes a child that doesn't wake during the night should sleep for approx 10-12 hrs a night. My middle child used to use my breast as a dummy and i had to stand and rock him to sleep every night, by the time he was 9 months I'd had enough and he needed to be in a routine for my own sanity, so i'd leave him in his cot for 10 mins, if he was still crying i'd pick him up then put him back down leave the room and go back 10 mins later and do it again, the first time in total took 20 mins and he'd be asleep, the second day took 15 mins, the third took 10 mins, then 5 mins, by the fourth he wouldn't even stur he'd go straight to sleep, and thats all its about learning to put themselves to sleep, its not rocket science

Christina - posted on 09/23/2011

15

2

1

First of all, yes a child needs more than 5 hours of sleep. What "through the night" means is without waking for anything. Just because a child wakes to nurse doesn't mean they are not going back to sleep and getting 10-12 hours of sleep.

Second, where is your research that says a baby after 6 months doesn't need milk at night? That's just absurd and can not be applied to every baby. People need to follow each baby, not their age. 6 months is not a magic number, just like a year isn't the magic "stop nursing" number.

AGAIN, night nursing is NOT solely about food. It's comfort and security. Why is it ok to give a baby a pacifier to achieve this, but mothers are nearly attacked for giving the baby her breast. People need to take a step back and really look at what they are arguing. Do not give baby the breast, instead this plastic, artificial poorly replicated version of the nipple. Again, I'm not anti pacifier....I just find it ridiculous to state that night nursing is unnecessary and then plug baby with a pacifier.

It's a little bit sad that you think a 6 month old capable of such manipulation. Babies are not manipulators. They cry because they need or want something and at 6 months old needs and wants are the same thing.

Anisa - posted on 09/23/2011

6

0

0

I have three kids all were breast fed 2 of which slept all night 1 from 2 months the other 6 months while still getting breastfed, all kids are different but whether they are breastfed or not it dosen't matter, all children from 6 months don't need milk during the night because what they get during the day is enough to sustain them during the night, kids that wake up after 6 months for milk do it because they know mammy is going give it to them, they are not daft, they test us in all sorts of ways, whether its crying to get what they want or refusing to eat a meal because they know they'll get the pudding anyway, its a habit. when they say sleep all night it does mean all night, children from a certain age need between 10-12 hours sleep a night, mine are grumpy and twisty if they don't get their full sleep

Christina - posted on 09/23/2011

15

2

1

I do understand that a parent should not be a sleep deprived zombie and two of my previous posts said just that. With the CIO, it does work. Your baby will learn to go to sleep on his own. However, he learns that out of defeat and exhaustion from crying for you for x number of minutes or hours. He learns that no matter how long he cries, you won't come.

Some kids are better sleepers than others and some naturally sleep "through the night" on their own. I am not advocating waking your baby up to nurse. What I am advocating is following and trusting your baby. I am also not opposed to letting your baby fuss for a short time (for me that means less than 10 minutes) to see what happens. Crying and fussing are two different things, IMO. I have friends whose babies would fuss for about 3 minute and go to sleep. I don't consider that CIO. I also don't run and pick up my son every time he makes a noise in his bed. He is a noisy kid and he groans and even cries a little in his sleep.

Even if you decide to go a different route, The No Cry Sleep Solution has a wonderful section on the biology of sleep and infant/child sleep.

I will also say that you can't always know whether something is wrong. When my daughter was about 7 months old, she nearly cried all night in my arms. I was so frustrated and tired. I didn't know what else to do and I, very briefly, considered putting her in her crib and trying to let her CIO. She had nursed, she was changed, I tried blankets, no blankets. She didn't have a fever. She wasn't gassy. In my heart, I just couldn't do it. She needed me and I wasn't going to put her down. She finally fell asleep out of exhaustion, no doubt, in my arms. We already had an appointment for the next day and we learned she had her first of 15 ear infections. She didn't always run fevers with them and this crying at night was the ONLY symptom that she had an infection. I would think back to that night as she got older and had trouble sleeping and now with my son. How awful would I have felt and how awful it would have been for her, if I had left her in her bed to cry because I thought there was nothing wrong. Although I was already against CIO methods, this cemented my belief that it can harm a child. In fact, some studies show that stress hormones are released when a baby is left to cry alone and those stress hormones can actual do damage to the brain.

Anisa - posted on 09/23/2011

6

0

0

I can definitly say my children sleep all night and I enjoy peace and quiet from 7:30pm and my kids range from 8yrs, 4yrs and 2yrs, my 2yr old has been sleeping all night since she was 2 months old and every single one of them was breast fed, i think you start as you mean to go on, no child comes with a manual to tell you how to be a parent, but I do believe other peoples experiences can help any parent, whether its breast feeding, sleeping or eating, I would definitly say I'm experienced in all those aspects as I've been there and did it and still is, just like people may have experienced things as a parent that I haven't, even these doctors, pediatricians and health visitors don't have all the answers as some have never been there and did it, you can't give advice on something you haven't experienced, good luck with everything everyone xx

[deleted account]

When I hear rice cereal, bottle, pacifier, 4 months, 12 lbs, sleep training, etc. etc. -- I think of our parents' generation. It all feels weirdly antiquated even though it sounds so clinical.



Christina, you're right. Breastfed babies' biologically normal behavior should be the gold standard. Not our mothers-in-law with rubber gloves on.



This doesn't mean anyone has to put up with extreme sleep deprivation and neglect their other children/work/spouses until they drop dead of exhaustion.



But do some reading first! Research shows that gentler methods (with parental presence) are just as effective as CIO.



P.S. Not only did Dr. Ferber recant, he's also more favourable towards co-sleeping and bed-sharing nowadays. Even Mr. CIO himself doesn't want to be left behind in the 1950s.

Anisa - posted on 09/23/2011

6

0

0

Hi Dawn, I had the same problem with my second son at 9 months,we had to rock him to sleep every night for about an hour, he too was breast feeding at the time, one thing i do know is from 6 months babies don't need night feeds to sustain them, they feed during the night because thats the only way they know of how to get back to sleep like a comfort blanket, every child is different and start sleeping through at different times, I have three children and each one was different and each one was breast fed, we had to be cruel to be kind so to speak, its a case of the child needs to learn to put him or herself to sleep them selves, try putting them to bed awake, say goodnight and leave the room, if they cry let them for about 10-15 mins, if they are still crying go up don't say anything pick them up then put them back to bed and repeat the process, i know its hard when the child is upset and crying but you can't give in, trust me it does work too, it took my son 3-4 nights and bed time was sorted, each night gets better and they cry for less each time, eventually they go to sleep without sturring, good luck x

Aleks - posted on 09/22/2011

546

0

46

Right on Christina Nielsen. :-)
I just might add to this that emotional needs are just as important (and real) and need to be met just as physical needs. I wonder how some of these parents espousing some of these ideas would feel if their emotional NEEDS would go *resistantly* unmet by their spouses, friends and even parents? Hmmm worth while thinking about.
Oh yes, I forget... these needs are at night, so these kids better learn real quick and smart to wait till morning...(someone then should tell these same people to do the same). I understand that some people do really poorly when they are not well rested (my fiance is a HUGE case in point...lol),, but I honestly feel that most of these are due to stubbornly keeping to their notions and expectations of getting that "usual" amount of sleep. I believe that if one changes ones expectations on the amount of sleep one will have at night, then the next day one has a much better day, almost irrelevant to how much sleep one actually got. If you expect to be woken up 2-3 times during the night when you go to bed (because that is the usual amount of time baby wakes up, for example), the next morning/day won't be so hard when you do actaully get up as you are not disappointed and seething with anger over the wake ups!
Or may be it is just me?

I do, however, understand that if the person HAS to go to work early and be seriously on the ball, it can get more difficult (one can't take a nap with the baby/todddler in the afternoon at work). So that is why I am in the belief that one needs to do what is right for ones family circumstances. However, it is also worthwhile to EDUCATE oneself on the baby physiology - eating, sleeping, etc and its sociological aspects on the child. The background of when and why babies wake and for how long, etc etc. And not just from 'baby sleep books" as a lot of them are quite inaccurate.

Once one has the understanding of why babies wake (and no, sleep associations are not a good guide, I believe as because, for example, many babies are breastfed to sleep and I would say that many would be sleeping throught the night without the need to be fed again at night, while there is also a great many that do!). Then it is about also figuring out why this (our) baby is waking up in particular (eg, teething, seperation anxiety, developmental mile stone, physical ailement like reflux, tummy ache, etc.)
Once one has the right KNOWLEDGE then one is able to make the decision to "sleep train" or not. And then what sleep training, if any, would suit your family.
And that is how any baby sleep advice should be started... and not the "you must do this, this and this..." and it will work! No it may not, or the price (of what the parent and/or baby will have to go through) is not worth it.

Christina - posted on 09/22/2011

15

2

1

I am all for parents making their own decisions, however, I wish some people would do a little bit of research or just have plain common sense before spouting off some of the ridiculous things I have read here. 4 months or 14 lbs? Give me a break. Nursing is so much more than just nutrition. It is meant to be physically and emotionally nurturing. Why do we have pacifiers? Because babies and toddlers have a biological need to suck. I'm not against pacifiers, but we have to be honest about why they are here. Babies who are given bottles do not have their sucking needs satisfied just at meal times. So, they are given another artificial means of soothing and comforting. Please know that I am not bashing formula, bottles or the parents who use them. I am simply trying to get a point across. A baby does not need a bottle or a pacifier. Allowing baby to comfort nurse is the exact same thing as giving them a pacifier. I'm not sure why people equate a pacifier with self-soothing. You are still giving them something to help them stay calm. The catch is that the parent doesn't have to do anything. A child's need for the comfort of sucking remains through the toddler years. It's a way for them to take a time out from this new big world when things get to be too much for them. Parents expect baby to fit nicely into their "pre-baby" world and not make too many ripples...This is just ridiculous. I'm not saying you should remain sleep-deprived and zombie like, just remember that your child's needs are just as important as yous and you shouldn't rationalize that you have to, what did some one on here say? Oh yea, "be cruel to be kind". Absurd. Nothing about any parenting should be referred to as cruel. The ends do not always justify the means. Your children are not going to be babies forever, let them be babies while they are still babies. The behavior of breastfed babies should be the gold standard. Breastfed babies, typically, will wake to eat longer because breastmilk is more easily digested. They are hungry again more quickly, but this is the way it should be. After all, breastmilk is the gold standard that ALL formula companies strive to reach and continue to fail while continuing to stay they are the "closest to breastmilk". Yet, they still fall short. http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/...

The argument for CIO "as long as nothing is wrong with him" is just silly and to me, it's just a way to rationalize it with yourself so you don't feel bad. Just imagine how your baby feels left all alone in a dark room without the one person he has come to rely on for everything...That seems pretty darn scary to me.

And by the way, sleep researchers consider "through the night" to be a 5 hour stretch, most commonly from 12-5. Not 12 hours. http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/feeding...

Tamara - posted on 09/22/2011

77

34

4

i used to feed him while my husband got the bottle ready, and then when everyone was ready, we said our good nights, and i took the tank i was wearing off and put it on the bottle. lol that way i knew it smelled like me, and its the last one he smelled. it was a fantastic idea. whoever suggested was genious. i hate to say it, but we did let him cry it out sometimes. he will still at 20 months wake up sometimes, but as long as nothing is wrong with him, i just leave him. hes not hurt, and over a year they can manage a full nights sleep

Carol Jane - posted on 09/22/2011

31

0

0

"The shirt that smells like Mommy" is a great idea any time they're separated. I knew a woman who always brought a certain nightgown with her and gave it to her baby when she had to leave the room or if she was dropping him off at child care during the older kid's school events. That boy stopped crying immediately and settled down, happily, I might add.

Tamara - posted on 09/22/2011

77

34

4

i think at 11 months they should start sleeping through the night. i had a really hard time with my son, but someone on here suggested a hot water bottle with a shirt that smells like mommy. sounds like hes not hungry, just wanting his mom. this is a good way to give him mom, and let mom sleep. worked for us

Sherri - posted on 09/22/2011

9,593

15

387

@ Terra I haven't said one thing about breastfeeding on this thread positive or negative so not sure how you get my views are skewed. Also I personally have stated nicely many times people do what is best for there families I have not tried to push my view on anyone just do not like the misinterpretations that are given. It is not true that most children do not sleep through the night by 11mo's that is just very inaccurate is all I have ever disputed.

Carol Jane - posted on 09/22/2011

31

0

0

As I thought this over last night, I needed to come back and say that the conversation began over a nursing mother with a child who has suddenly decreased his nursing time and increased its frequency. To that I was responding that the baby probably needs the comfort of suckling, and that is perfectly normal. To remove that from him would be hard on him at that point, although many people get through the same thing, not nursing and using other methods. My take on it is one you will find in many books and by several authors, and from my experience which was EXACTLY the same.

Terra - posted on 09/22/2011

158

67

19

Did you ladies know that Pediatricians don't learn about nutrition or sleep habits while in medical school? It has become so ingrained in society that the Peds. must know everything about babies that they automatically expect nutrition and sleep advice from them when it is not in their realm of specialty at all. What they are tell you is based in medical opinion not medical fact. They normally spout off what ever information is popular at the time (or was popular when they became doctors). Their information can be completely out of date because they are not required to be kept up to date on new research. They also know nothing about breastfeeding unless they have taken it upon themselves to become educated. Have you noticed in these threads that different pediatritians have said that babies should sleep through the next when they reach x weight or x age. They don't agree because they are only giving out their opinion. Now, ask them how to treat a specific illness and they will most likely agree on what exactly is needed because they have all been educated to treat these illnesses (granted some variations in medications or practices can happen due to the age of the doctor or their decision to use newer prescription drugs or not).

@ Sherri - You seem very intent on trying to convince everyone here that your way is the only right way and that any other way is wrong. You may claim that you believe in "what works best for you family" but your words show differently. Moms tend to lie when asked if their children sleep through the night. Unless you have been in every single home, of every single child you have every cared for then you can not say with certainty that they were all sleeping through the night at a certain age. Most moms do not want others to think they aren't doing things wrong so they just skew the truth. It is also impossible to draw a conclusion about all children from a sample size of 75 (like listed in the "study" you posted). If you want a more realistic idea then just search this sight for all of the moms asking for sleep advice about their children. You'll realize pretty quickly how few are actually sleeping through the night at any age (especially before 12 months of age and realistically before 2 years of age). You seem to have some pretty skewed ideas about things like breastfeeding and should really educate yourself about the facts before spouting off absolutes in a public forum. A good place to do this is through the LLL or www.kellymom.com. Both have lots of very informative FACT based information about breastfeeding. Another great site is www.askdrsears.com. He's got lots of fact based information on breastfeeding, sleeping and much more.

And even though I have singled you because you have been the most out spoken but this goes for some of the others here that have so vehemently against some of the alternatives to CIO and formula feeding to help a child sleep through the night.

[deleted account]

Mr Richard Ferber recanted his method because it is borderline child abuse. He did release a new book with a different method of sleep training, but after admiting was wrong and changing his methods, i wouldn't put too much faith into them.

Susan - posted on 09/22/2011

9

0

0

I was told by my ped. that at 4 months or like 14 lbs (whichever comes first), babies typically begin sleeping through the night. Nursing is awesome but your babe should be getting enough pre-bed milk to feed it through the night so this sounds to me like wanting to be with you all the time and that's tough on both of you. I would attempt crying it out (not mercilessly but I think it's the only way) in gradual lengths. It was challenging to let my daughter cry it out when I was trying to get her on a napping schedule (she slept through the night fine) but within 5 days she was totally trained. Well worth the sanity and rest. ANd if/when you switch to bottles NO milk in crib - you'll be paying the dentist big $ for cavities because of the sugar in the milk on their teeth. You could try a sippy cup of water in bed and also a comfort toy like a blankie... Good luck, not easy!
Susan
www.thesusie.blogspot.com

Joan - posted on 09/22/2011

8

9

0

Run don't walk to bookstore, library, or amazon.com and get the book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber. It will help you figure out the best solution for your situation...the main thing to understand is that we all have associations with falling asleep (and staying asleep/going back to sleep after normal nighttime arousals), and those associations must NOT be adult-dependent or the child will keep waking you up. He gives you a step-by-step process to deal with this if it's the problem; also covers every imaginable sleep disorder in case your situation is something else. So it helps you understand enough about the sleep process to help YOU figure out the best solution for you. Read this book!

Kim - posted on 09/22/2011

31

0

0

We were told by our ped, that sleep has nothing to do with eating... And with our first who was breastfeed and she was sleeping through the night (and I mean 10-12 hours) and takes a 3-4 hour nap during the day at 6 months and she still does at 28 months. And we will use the same process with our 4 week old when she is old enough to put herself to sleep. We used the book "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. I do not do well without sleep so you can say it saved our house!! Everyone I have suggested the book to has had fabulous results. Good Luck!!

Carol - posted on 09/21/2011

84

0

0

Sherri, It's not that it has to be my way and I apologize for offending you or anyone else. I have just responded to the comments of others who have a different take on things than I, and many agree with me. So . . . I'll let it go. I think there's enough feedback from both sides.

Sherri - posted on 09/21/2011

9,593

15

387

Yes you seem to be a cosleeper. I personally have never slept with any of my children, I for one am under the belief children do not belong in my bed ever. So from day one in there own beds. They are still held and cuddled plenty. I just am not under the belief it needs to be 24/7 and all night as well.

Carol - posted on 09/21/2011

84

0

0

You're right, and I should apologize for my strong opinions and the fact that I don't mince words easily. However I do believe that whether a child is nursed or bottle fed, they still begin life with a strong need to be held and cuddled, and to let the baby cry it out isn't fair to the child.



I really didn't mean to offend anyone, and I was a little afraid I would, so I apologize for offending people who don't align with my beliefs. But that's what this is about, isn't it? A chance to share, to agree or to disagree . . . and to support what we say with feeling or fact? I believe everything I've said is valid, but I do realize there is another side, and that some choose to take it.



Every child is so different, and I'm shedding light on the side that I believe most babies and toddlers are on. When they're ready to separate and sleep on their own, they do. When their needs take them to where they sleep all night, they will. Meanwhile, if they're crying, they're trying to say something.

Shannon - posted on 09/21/2011

6

0

1

First of all i need to say that I have an 11 month old, I nursed him for 9 months now he's using a btle. My son has NEVER slept well, since the day he was born he needed to be nursed to sleep. AND if i let him he would sleep all night with my breast in his mouth and eat when he woke up. So, yes some babies will nurse all night long. Now at 11 months he still does not sleep through the night. the longest he has ever slept without waking up is 4 hrs. He has to have 1 btle in the middle of the night. Yes, he does it because he is hungry, he drinkes a full 8 oz. I'm sorry Dawn that I have no hints for you as I need them as well, lol. I am shocked at how rude some people can be with their opinions.

Sherri - posted on 09/21/2011

9,593

15

387

Carol why does it bother you so that others choose to do it differently than you? Your way is great for YOUR family but that doesn't mean it is for every other family.

Carol - posted on 09/21/2011

84

0

0

With respect to " you are the one in charge, not the child. When you have breastfed the child and he or she falls off to sleep, put the child down gently preferably on it's stomach and walk away. If the child fusses allow it to do so. Eventually the child will tire and fall asleep," I tried really hard to leave this alone but I just can't. I realize this is one theory on how to raise children, but if a child is breastfed, that doesn't work. Oh, it WILL work but in the long run, it's not right for the child. He/she NEEDS mom at that point. The beauty of it is that as the child progresses, so do his/her needs to NOT need Mom or Dad so much. It happens on a very natural course that allows the child's needs to be met while the child "separates" on his or her own timing.

Shelly - posted on 09/21/2011

53

79

2

the super nanny method worked for me when I was a foster mom... had a 2 year old sleeping with out her 15 year old sister the first night.

Carol - posted on 09/21/2011

84

0

0

I don't believe babies need to be trained to sleep in a certain pattern. If they have all the love you can give them, physical safety and warmth along with the security they bring, they will eventually fall into a normal sleep pattern by themselves. At a certain age you might have to work with them to keep them in bed instead of wandering the house looking for things to do, eat, drink and other places to sleep, (being a little silly there), but that will come much later. Again, these early years are sensitive years and your child will set most of his/her schedule. Like potty training and weaning, they tell you when they're ready to start sleeping through the night, in a separate bed and everything else that's important to their well being. Their needs are still too great to be "trained" to sleep through the night. When they do it, they do it.

Carol - posted on 09/21/2011

84

0

0

I disagree and I believe most do need to nurse through the night, even at 11 months.

Jenny - posted on 09/21/2011

842

5

24

Depends on your situation. If you are desperate for a change then try something different. Lots of different methods out there, try and see what fits you and your family.

Jena - posted on 09/21/2011

1

0

0

Wow, I haven't posted anything on this site but I have to say that some of the replies to your question are quite rude and presumptuous!
I have a 2 year old who was bottle fed from birth, reason? she was a premie and wouldn't latch so I was forced to pump and bottle her.
My 2 year old still doesn't sleep through the night, she gets up at least once for a bottle of water. She does however sleep in her own bed and I have gotten her out of the habit of having me lay with her until she falls asleep.
It's a tough love thing, when I started getting my daughter used to me not laying down with her I simply said "Mommy is going to lay in her own bed, you are okay". Some times she would fuss and cry but after a few nights she would lay down in her bed and take her bottle and close her eyes. There are nights though where you have to know when to put the "rules" away and snuggle with them a bit.
As for those who are quoting texts and blah blah blah, every child is different and they are only children once. Yes I agree with being able to live your life and not have the child run your life but come on ladies we aren't drill sargeants here, we are mom's and it's our job first and foremost to love our babies.

June - posted on 09/21/2011

7

7

0

I did pick up/put down, Tracy Hogg technique from the Baby Whisperer. I have 4 kids, ages 6 months to 8 years. They have all been sleeping through the night since about 4 months old, thanks to the Baby Whisperer

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms