When and how can you start to discipline your child?

Jessica - posted on 02/04/2009

Thank you all for your response.  So far they are good girls but they just began to walk and of course they are curious with their new ability. I don't want to scare them when they touch something they shouldn't touch but at the same time I want them to continue to be explore in a safe manner. I have learned from other and as I know this will be an oongoing learning experience for all involved.  Please all advice is welcomed and thank you all once again. Danna thank you for sharing your experience and please keep it coming..lol.

Jessica - posted on 02/04/2009

Thank you all for your response.  So far they are good girls but they just began to walk and of course they are curious with their new ability. I don't want to scare them when they touch something they shouldn't touch but at the same time I want them to continue to be explore in a safe manner. I have learned from other and as I know this will be an oongoing learning experience for all involved.  Please all advice is welcomed and thank you all once again. Danna thank you for sharing your experience and please keep it coming..lol.

Dana - posted on 01/30/2009

Okay, not to invite criticism, but since this is my field, I'll try to answer from a professional and mom point of view.  First off each child is different and I ALWAYS listen to my first pediatrician who said "Listen to advice, take what works and ditch the rest".  Babies don't understand cause and effect, but you are setting yourself up to be a punching (or pinching) bag if you don't say no.  So they don't understand it right away...who cares?   They will eventually and it "trains" us to say  no when we should.   It's okay to let them be themselves and we all choose our battles, I don't know anyone who says no all the time...and if they do they probably aren't helping others :)

The bottom line is consistency with whatever you use.  You have to do what you feel most comfortable with so you will be consistent with it :)  Good luck and enjoy them, we all make mistakes and learn from them later...luckily even when we make them upset they still love us :)

Joyce - posted on 01/30/2009

I say as soon as they start to crawl, its time for discipline, because that's when they want to start getting into alot of stuff. Now for myself, I have been in the position, for when no worked for and against me. However; how you say it does play a big part, but as parents, we have to remember that our kids are going to naturally challenge us.

Bildia - posted on 01/30/2009

This is an interesting topic.  It is very different with each child.  We are all individuals and unique on top of things.  We are to be treated that way.  It is nice to talk to your babies and explain the reasons why, they understand more than you think they do.  As soon as six months old they begin to comprehend but are not able to speak.  It is just like when you learn a new language, first you understand and then you start speaking.  When babies are treated with love they know how much you care and they respond possitively, just like you and I.  Love is the key, if you say your prayers each morning and ask for love in your heart, you'll be guided to help your child to understand and obey in way never imagined.  God loves His children and knows them better than anyone!  Just like He knows you and me.  That is how you as a parent would know and be guided on how and when to discipline your child.

Mandy - posted on 01/30/2009

....which is why I prescribe to both "No" and helping redirect the behavior when possible.  It helps cover all the bases.  Kids do get tired of hearing "no" and can tune you out.  All the above advice is worth reading but definitely try things out and see what works best in your house.  Just always keep in mind that you ARE the boss and they will love you more for it in the long run - even if it hurts now.

Mandy - posted on 01/30/2009

....which is why I prescribe to both "No" and helping redirect the behavior when possible.  It helps cover all the bases.  Kids do get tired of hearing "no" and can tune you out.  All the above advice is worth reading but definitely try things out and see what works best in your house.  Just always keep in mind that you ARE the boss and they will love you more for it in the long run - even if it hurts now.

Danielle - posted on 01/30/2009

When a child is young they do not comprehend right from wrong and cause and effect. So when they are young, redirection is a method to distract them from unwanted behavior. As they get older, you can use positive and negative reinforcement. Such as making a sticker chart for every good behavior they get a sticker. Then when they reach a certain amount reward them with a certain toy or snack they enjoy. As far as teaching them consequences for negative behaviors, time outs or losing certain privileges are ideas. You usually would do 1 minute for each year they are old in time out for bad behavior.

These are some ideas, keep in mind it takes time for them to understand. So it will take time for them to even understand what a time out means. Try to always talk to them and explain what behaviors are unacceptable and try to teach them ways to deal with their emotions.

I hope this helps and remember at times it will be very frustrating.

Cynthia - posted on 01/30/2009

after reading all the suggestions I agree most of them. take what you need and for expert advice that is freely given say thank you as well, as it is expert advice that was graciously offered. Take it or leave it that is your choice. We all have the ability to choose.

Danna - posted on 01/30/2009

perfectly said....

Wendy - posted on 01/30/2009

I think it all comes down to what works for YOUR child....again, I agree with Danna. Most of us do not have majors in child development but we do know what works with our OWN children.....and that is what Circle of Moms is meant for....to share your experiences.

Jennifer - posted on 01/30/2009

what about when no is completely ignored?????

nothing seems to work for my nearly 2 yr old daughter..lol

Danna - posted on 01/30/2009

thanks to ashley and everyone that agrees with me..if theres something that i dislike is someone getting technical and complicated about help..we are simple moms who are looking for simple tricks THAT WORK..many people say no doesn't work and we all know that babies are not deliberatly disobeying us but babies understand when we are happy...loving...joking....laughing...kissing...playing..etc...as well as when our tone of voice changes in a strict way when we say no...after all we are their mommies...my daugher is now 18 months and she walks away from something when i say no from across the room..she walks away upset, but she walks away and that form of understanding starts early and with consistency...well said Ashley Villeneuve..lol

Jane - posted on 01/30/2009

Hi Jessica.  Be careful about using NO too much.  Your baby will soon learn that word and love saying it to you.  I use "eww yucky" if my son is putting stuff in his mouth.  I use "ow, that hurts" if he pulls my hair or pinches me.  I try to be creative.  He understands my tone of voice. 

Ashley - posted on 01/30/2009

i completely agree with what Danna is saying...my son is 8 months old and now that he's crawling around he's getting into things (the dog food is his fav toy)..whenever he goes near it i say NO very firmly.....at 8 months you wouldnt think they'd know but he really does...half the time when i call his name and say No he stops and he will go in another direction...if he doesnt listen i go get him and say mommy said no...i take him away and put him far from the dog food...he may try it again but i just keep doing the same thing.....half the time now he doesnt even bother with it...and that's only within a couple wks. It's the same if he grabs at my face or grabs my hair....i do the same thing and he doesnt try it as often anymore...If you dont teach them right away like everyone else has said they will walk all over you.......and i agree with the tapping on the hand as well..i will do that with him (obviously not hard..just a little tap).... and tell him no...

Karen - posted on 01/30/2009

I am a child development major. Babies and young children are learning about their world and boundaries. They are not trying to 'disobey.' Usually around the age of 3 is when you can expect children to: learn to share, play with other children, and yes 'deliberately disobey' you! If the child is younger than that and they are doing something you don't like, the best thing to do is to redirect their attention. Example: they are playing with your expensive figurines? Move them out of reach and give him/her blocks, a ball, etc....you get the idea. Once they are 3, what discipline used depends on the situation. Example: child deliberately dumps dinner on the floor because they don't like it? Make them help you clean it up. Really, the best 'discipline' involves learning and has logical consequences. Does standing a child in a corner really teach them anything? No. It can be very useful for giving the child time to 'calm down,' which they may need before cleaning up the floor.....Always try to think of discipline in a positive manner, ie: guidance not punishment. Save the 'no's' and the rules for important safety or health issues. Your 5 year old wants to wear a polka dot shirt, stipped pants and ducky galoshes to school? So what. Self expression is important in the growing up process. Hope this helps. Enjoy every moment with your children!

Michelle - posted on 01/30/2009

hey i beleive that u should start as soon as they r crawling the sooner the better.  you start young u will hab respectful children if u wait till they r 3-4 yrs u will hab naughty kids that will embarass u..... i hab a nearly 18 yr old n she is the only 1 i hab prob wif cause i didnt want to smack my child she was me first alive baby..... didnt make that mistake wif the next 2

Megan - posted on 01/30/2009

I started to teach my daughter right from wrong pretty much immediatley. I never talk to her like a child and her punishments are time outs or being restricted from certain activities such as watching tv etc. You always have to follow through with a punishment because if you don't they won't take you seriously and will stop listening. After i punish her then i talk to her about why she was punished and how she can prevent being punished in the future. Hope this was helpful.

Wendy - posted on 01/30/2009

Quoting Danna:

hi..its me again...i have been reading the latest comments and trust me...i have 4 children....babies DO UNDERSTAND UR SERIOUSNESS WHEN U SAY "NO"...i came to this conclusion because my husband is a HUGE SOFTIE...he says he can never say no to his precious babies...but now...my children have more respect towards me and understand my seriousness and discipline because i started early and never backed down..in the other hand my husband now feels he would like more respect from his kids and now hes firm with our latest baby who is now 1 1/2...he gets the results he wanted...i only speak from experience.

I completely agree with you. My children too have more respect for me because my husband is a softy when it comes to discipline . The earlier the better. Even if they don't completely understand at a very early age, starting early will set the stage for understanding of where the boundaries are later.

If you wait to long to start disciplining, your children will probably get mixed messages. Obviously you have to take into consideration the age of the child and what you are disciplining them for.

I generally give time outs as a form of discipline - 1 minute per age of child (I love Supernanny!! :0)).

Tara - posted on 01/30/2009

When my daughter was 12-15 months old, I started showing her immediate ignoring of all inappropriate behaviors (biting while nursing, hitting, screaming, throwing toys, etc), unless they were dangerous or destructive.  When she displayed the behavior, I immediately put her down and walked to an out-of-sight location for a short time.  If I wasn't holding her, I would get up from where I was, and do the same.  Most behaviors are attention seeking, or simply behaviors that a child has not yet learned are not okay.  Either way, immediate ignoring (without a word) at a very young age shows the child you want no part of the behavior...and they want YOU!  They learn very fast what they did to cause you to leave them momentarily. 

Amy - posted on 01/30/2009

Early early early! That's when you start!!! But don't forget to reward as well. Let them know, even as babies when they are doing something right!!!  Redirection is always wonderful. You can tell them "no" a thousand times, but if you don't teach them what to do or how to act instead all the "no's" in the world wont make a difference. If they know what is right they are more likely to do it!!! Also, stick to your guns. Once you say something or discipline, stick to it. DO NOT change your rules!! Stick to it and you can't go wrong!

Cheryl - posted on 01/30/2009

you wouldn't believe how many times you can say "no" in one day, but if you don't the child won't know boundaries. I started saying "no" to both my kids pretty much right away, and they know Mommy means it :) When they get a bit older it often somes with questions why, and if you just tell them its amazing how little flak you can get .

Danna - posted on 01/30/2009

hi..its me again...i have been reading the latest comments and trust me...i have 4 children....babies DO UNDERSTAND UR SERIOUSNESS WHEN U SAY "NO"...i came to this conclusion because my husband is a HUGE SOFTIE...he says he can never say no to his precious babies...but now...my children have more respect towards me and understand my seriousness and discipline because i started early and never backed down..in the other hand my husband now feels he would like more respect from his kids and now hes firm with our latest baby who is now 1 1/2...he gets the results he wanted...i only speak from experience.

Mandy - posted on 01/30/2009

For when you want to avoid saying no--- Discipline can be as simple as helping your child find a better outlet for their energy if they happen to be doing something you don't want them to.  For example, with infants who pull hair (like my son did), try taking their hand away and putting a toy in it in order to begin to teach them how to redirect their energy in a positive way.  As they get older, you can take their hand and walk them away from the bookshelf that they are pulling books off of and help them get involved in a more appropriate activity.  You are basically helping them "change the channel" in an authoritative way.

But whenever possible, stay firm with the strong "No."  Works like a charm in my house and my son knows that Mommy is the boss.

Jennifer - posted on 01/30/2009

Hmmm... well, I have been told that as young babies, they do not understand cause and effect, or discipline. I do think you need to guide and teach them, but it's important to be gentle in the early months in order to establish trust. When the time comes to be the boss, you will know it, at which time you can judge when and how to discipline.

Pati - posted on 01/30/2009

Hi

Lovingly as soon as they start grabbing on to your face, hair you name it ;-)  Its mostly love, and gently saying no, and as they get older, by months or even weeks sometimes, you start adding what they are no to do. But little babies its just love and no. That’s why so many kids say they grew up thinking their name was no no.  They watch what you do and imitate, so watch what you do. Never discipline when you are angry. Discipline and guidance with love, and on occasion I used a tap on the hand or a spank on the bottom with the no and explanation.

Jessica - posted on 01/30/2009

thank you. so far we have been firm with our no's but I can see me being a softy at times but the last time I want is a child that is all over the place.  They will be one next month and so far they are good girls but I'm new to this and everybit of info and advice helps. ty

Danna - posted on 01/30/2009

girl...the sooner the better.....even when they are babies....trust me, babies understand a solid, firm "NO"..and the more often u say the more they will understand...always teach children who's boss...or if u wait..it'll be too late...they will be walking all over u before you can blink ur eye