When did you first start teaching your child 'no' when you didn't want them doing something?

Anastasia - posted on 03/29/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My son is 8 months now and is starting to test his boundaries. When i get ready in the morning for work and will put him in his bouncer or sit him down with his toys, he demands attention, which for the record i dont baby him every time he cries, so hes started screaming at me most recently. With a fustrated look he screams and expects a response. what should i do?

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Kerri - posted on 03/29/2010

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I've been telling my son no since he was like 4-5 months. As soon as he started moving around and grabbing cords and other things he has gotten a no. And now when we go to the store if he starts to grab things off the shelves he gets a no and a small pat on the hand.

Joanna - posted on 03/29/2010

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Just use simple words... he may not understand them, but if you repeat them eventually he'll learn. If he's crawling and trying to pull on cords, try saying "Cords are not for baby (or use his name)" or "no touching cords, ouchies", etc. Just don't use NO all the time, because once they learn that word, they use is against you while testing their boundaries (yeah, I used NO too much and now my 2 1/2 year old will just spurt out right back!).

At 8 months, distraction is also a good method. "No touching cords, lets play with the ball instead!" or something like that.

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Jamie - posted on 03/30/2010

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What is the harm in saying "no" at a young age? They need to learn right from wrong, yes at such a young age they don't neccisarilly know what it means, but if you are consistant they will know if you don't want them to do something, just like I said before how my daughter is with the diapers. She will go touch them, and I have repeatedly moved her away from them, said no, and giver her something else to do, and she will still go over, and look at me and laugh. So yes, babies and all children test you, until they know that you are the boss. And it is something that (in my opinion, maybe not yours) should be enforced at even a young age. Do I punish my 8 month old? Absolutely not, but I will tell her the word no and give her something else to play with.

I spent 3 years working in a daycare, and from my observations with several hundred children, the children who started getting taught at a young age were much more well behaved when they got a little older. You cannot let your child run the house, there has to be boundaries set, and they need to know who the parent it.

Latisha - posted on 03/30/2010

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I didn't start saying no to my daughter until she could crawl and get into things. I'd just put him where he can see you. he might calm down if he knows your still there. My daughter gets upset if she can't see me.

Anastasia - posted on 03/30/2010

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hahaha yeah ive used no a few times but ive felt kinda bad yelling it cause he is such a little card, i will say Giovanni no... and he will look at me and continue and i repeat the same thing in a stern but pleasant voice (just because i have a very stern angry voice i wouldnt use on him) , the other day he laughed at me! haha and im not sure yet if he knows what he means by it or hes just imatating what hes learned from some other kids in his day care but he will shake his head no but smile with it . I had a strict but very loving mother and i didnt feel too bad teaching him no in a stern voice i just really wanted to get some other mothers advice out there. Thank yall so much ! and still open to any more feedback ! x0x *Anastasia*...not Jaime..he was the father and for the question about the partner as of a month now no he is no longer there..will he come back? i dont know ...but for now its just me & giovanni. Thanks again!

Krista - posted on 03/29/2010

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My 7-month old is just learning to crawl, and loves reaching for things that he shouldn't have, like our garbage can, computer cords, etc. When he does, I say "Ta-ta! Not for Sam!" and I pick him up and move him to where his toys are, and show him one of his toys. (No idea where the "ta-ta" thing came from...every woman in my family uses that with their kids.)

It will take time...don't expect them to learn it the first (or fifth, or even tenth) time. For a while, they'll think it's a fun game, so expect them to keep trying (and laughing while they do.) Once the baby realizes that it's not a game, and that they're really not allowed to do/touch something, then they might get pissed off, so be prepared for that. Eventually they'll accept it, get bored of trying, and move on to trying to bury your car keys in one of the houseplants.

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i started telling my daughter "NO" the first time she did something that I didn't want her to do...She's a very independent and strong willed baby so she's into everything an has been since she could roll over...I know that they don't understand the word no at first but they can understand the tone of your voice. They understand when to stop doing something by the tone and the repetition of the command. When I told her "NO" very sternly she would pull her hand away or let go of what she had. She would try it again and again and again and each time I would repeat. They have to learn by doing just like any other animal. By the time my daughter started crawling around and she would grab something she shouldn't like the cat food, I would say no as she started to head that way and she would stop, sit down and look at me. Sometimes she would continue towards it and I would have to tell her no again and smack her hands. She learned very quickly that she wasn't supposed to get into the cat food. You have to discipline as well as love your child, which I am sure you do since your asking for help. They need structure. From the time my daughter was very small, if she would act up and I had exhausted all possibilities of what was wrong, I would put her in her crib and let her cry. She now understands that if she's going to have an attitude, she's going to be put in her room and can come out when she straightens up. Whatever you choose to discipline your child with, make sure you follow through with it. As your child grows, they will understand that mom means business when you tell them to do something as long as you show them that you will do what you said you would if they misbehave. Everyone has their own ideas as to what is acceptable for child discipline. You have to decide what you think is right. When you do, be consistent and carry that punishment through. It's the only way to have a child grow up with the structure they need. Even if it seems like you don't want to do it, if you said you would, then do it. My mother was a very stern, and yet loving mother. I never doubted that she loved me, but I knew that if I acted poorly that their would be consequences to my actions. Structure is very important in a child's life, how you choose to provide that structure is what makes you the unique and best parent you can be. Good luck!! I'm sure you'll do great.

September - posted on 03/29/2010

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Jamie do you really think that your 8 month old does the things that you described in your response to test your patience? There are some awesome books where you can read about different developmental phases and why babies do the things they do :)

Jamie - posted on 03/29/2010

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I say, as long as he is in a safe place, and you know he is fine, sometimes babies just need to cry! As long as you know he is not hurt, hungry, and has a clean diaper on, put him somewhere he can see you, and let him cry if he dosnt like that you arent giving him all your attention My daughter is the same age, I usually put her in hew walker in the room with me, and stand so I can always see her when I am cleaning or doing other things. I have told her "no" when she does something I do not like, or touches something I do not want her to touch. I am positive she knows she is not supposed to do these things. Ex- I always put my coat on the back of a kitchen chair when I get home until everything else is tidy and the baby is fine, then I will bring it upstairs. In her walker she will go over and touch it, I tell her no and turn her walker around. We do this a few times, then she will move to something else. After a few minutes she will go back over to the coat, before she touches the coat she will look at me and laugh, and actually wait to touch it until I am looking at her. She does this with her basket of diapers in the playroom as well. Babies will do everything to test your patience lol

September - posted on 03/29/2010

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We try not to use the word "no" with our 17 month old son but rather divert his attention elsewhere when he is doing something that he should not be doing. In your situation I would just tell your son "Momma has to get ready for work". While you're getting ready you can still give him a bit of attention just by talking with him. He may not like the fact that he has to hang out in his bouncer while you get ready, so giving him a bit of your attention may be all you need to do. Or if you have a partner, they can entertain him while you get ready. Good luck!

Anastasia - posted on 03/29/2010

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So how should i let him know certain things are not ok? whats a good way to show its a bad thing? & thank you for your reply!

Kristin - posted on 03/29/2010

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I started with the first time I got bitten while breast feeding by screeching a NO and pulling them off. It just got more in depth once they were mobile (rolling, crawling, etc.) and probably won't end until they no longer live with us and want money from us.



Are you talking to him while you are getting ready or is he just in the room? If you aren't, do talk to him. He will learn a lot and feel like he's got your attention if you converse with him. Also, he is primed for separation anxiety. It's just that age and terribly frustrating for both of you.



To break the screaming, do not respond to it. Do respond, and everytime, to nice sounds and actual fear or pain. You will know the difference. He wants your attention and that is totally reasonable. How he is asking for it leaves something to be desired and you can teach him a better way to get it.



Hope that helps.

Joanna - posted on 03/29/2010

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Just be patient and let him know that he's okay and he has to wait and be patient as well. This age is kind of hard, because they do start to test their boundaries, only because that's the only way they can learn... they don't know any better. So you need to teach what's right and wrong, acceptable and unacceptable, etc, starting at this age, but in a patient and calm manner, otherwise he could feel like he's in trouble for acting the way he's acting.

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