When ever I ask my 4.5 year old to not do something or stop doing something, she does it more. And I mean alot more.

Lisa - posted on 04/08/2013 ( 11 moms have responded )

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"Please stop pulling on mommy's shirt. It breaks my shirt." She does it more.



"Can you please stop kicking the back of my seat. It makes it hard for mommy to drive safely." She does it harder and can not stop.

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Shawnn - posted on 04/08/2013

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And what are your consequences for not listening?

Children who face consequences for misbehaving or disregarding instructions generally learn to behave and follow instructions.

For example, rather than just speaking your request, enforce it with action: "please stop pulling on my shirt" should be accompanied by removing the child's hands from the clothing, and stopping her grabbing it again. Repeated attempts mean time out and removal from the situation. "Please stop kicking my seat" is accompanied by stopping the car, and moving the child from the driver's side to passenger's side of vehicle where she will no longer create a dangerous distraction. This should be done immediately.

The fact that you use the phrasing "she can not stop" shows me that she chooses to continue to be difficult, and at some point, you just give in to her to keep her either quiet, or happy, but in reality you are showing her that if she's a persistent little imp, she'll get her way.

Holly - posted on 04/08/2013

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be more firm... make her switch seats, tell her she will be sent to her room, or to another room if she continues.

Rebekah - posted on 04/08/2013

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I affirm the comments about applying immediate consequences.... but I'd also like to add that it may help to tweak some of your redirecting. I'd heard that younger children don't always process the part of the sentence that negates the rest of it.... in other words, if the child is jumping on the bed and the parent comes in and says "don't jump on the bed"...they generally only hear "jump on the bed." It is more clear to say, "come down off the bed" or something like that.... in essence, tell them what behavior you want them or expect them to do, instead of frequently saying "stop this" or "don't do that." So in your example, you'd say, "keep your feet still" or "keep your hands to yourself." It may sound minor, but I think it makes a difference. And again, if the misbehavior continues, follow up with clear consequences that you let her know of ahead of time.

Shawnn - posted on 04/08/2013

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Here's where she's getting the mixed message. You are not immediately doing something to stop the situation.

ESPECIALLY in the car! She's got you figured out: Mom won't stop the car, so I don't really have to stop what I'm doing. Well, that is most definitely the most dangerous thing you can do.

There is not any room for IF when we are teaching our children behaviour. IF translates into a dangerous situation. Stop ignoring behaviour just because you aren't in a situation where dealing with it immediately is easy.

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Shawnn - posted on 04/08/2013

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Lisa, I suggest you start enforcing immediate consequences on your child. If that means finding the NEAREST EXIT, pulling off and taking care of discipline, then that is what you do.

If that means that you're late to an appointment, or whatever, you do the math: Either get there safely and alive, or put up with your child creating a dangerous situation and possibly get you both killed, injured or maimed for life.

Like Holly put it "my little pop on your butt is NOTHING compared to the pain of an accident"

Holly - posted on 04/08/2013

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pull the car over... don't worry about getting somewhere a little behind schedule, deal with it NOW, pull the car over, and MAKE her move... there is no better time than NOW to deal with a situation. My youngest daughter used to throw a fit and not want to wear her seat belt. I stopped the car in a parking lot and popped her rear end and told her she HAD to wear it, there is no if an or but about the situation. you wear it, or you die if we get in an accident. My little pop on you butt is NOTHING compaired to the pain of a car accident

Holly - posted on 04/08/2013

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when you are in the car, pull over to the side, or into a gas station, move her car seat to the other side... don't make her wait, and do not ignore her.

Lisa - posted on 04/08/2013

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It varies. If I can physically remove her, I do. If we are in the car, I tell her that she has to go to time out when we get home. If we are not going right home, I tell her that I am sad that she is not cooperating. I either move my seat way up so she can not reach it or I ignore her until she hopefully stops.

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