When is ever ok to sleep with a MARRIED man??

Tara - posted on 08/23/2012 ( 102 moms have responded )

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Am I alone here, I don't think it's ok to sleep with a married man at all no matter who you are.. I feel that the wife should know and the person she be told about themselves.. Im I nuts??

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Dawn - posted on 08/25/2012

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But, Johanne, what about the WIFE? Telling the wife is a matter of respect for her? What if this guy is cheating with another woman too and has a disease? This is NOT meddling to protect a woman unaware. The son did the right thing. Maybe it won't stop the affair, but the truth can set the wife free!

Tara - posted on 08/25/2012

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Arielle You make a really good point .. No matter how many times it was brought up I have never once looks at it as being ok with it is like we are saying hey it's ok to do this.. By seeing it in that way makes me feel even better that I really did do the right then and hearing something different from it's her life..

I don't know forsure if he was happy with his wife but I know he was and is still with her so if things were as bad as he was telling my mil they didnt he leave. I think he just fed her that bull just to keep it going on. And makes me sick to think she stayed with him even after finding out he was having a kid with his wife..

Arielle - posted on 08/25/2012

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I met my husband when he returned from Iraq. He was still married, but his "wife" left him and moved six hours away with his daughter to move in with her boyfriend. She was also 4 months pregnant by her boyfriend. It then took over 2 years for their divorce to be finalized because she got pregnant with child #3 four months after #2 was born (in Texas, all divorce proceedings stop if the wife is pregnant, no matter who the father is). We helped each other through very difficult times in our lives (I was also going through a divorce, though mine only took 2 months to finalize) and if we had stuck to black and white technicallities, we wouldn't be where we are today. That being said, I feel having a sexual relationship with someone who is "happily" married is wrong; and you are just as liable for that person's sickness as if you bought them cocaine for their addiction.

Tara - posted on 08/25/2012

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It's one thing to still be married but not together.. My mil was sleeping with a man that was still living with his wife. When my husband found out he was given the song that they where just living together till the filed.. After about a year nothing changed so my husband brought it up again, and it was that he didn't want to give her half of everything. So my husband freaked and told his mother so what your going to live with someone you cant stand to save some money.. doesn't make sense.. his mother told him she was going to talk it over with him. Never heard no more so we thought it was done and over with.. About 2 years later we were told by his sister that he was at there house.. So my husband AGAIN brought it to his mother...

to then find out he was only staying with her now because of the kid.. My mil was seeing this man for 4 years and was told him and is wife were ONLY room mates but now he has a 2 year old... well how did you have a kid if your not sleeping with her... So my husband said I will deal with it then... And I called and told the wife what her husband has been doing. I felt bad that I new he was doing this to her and my mil and didn't say anything before but I was told alot of stories of why he was still with her.. I know your all thinking why not say something to him well We NEVER got to see him.. He never came around.. We havent seen him in 3 years.. Only goes to the mil after work which is like 1030 at night. And we don't live in the same city as her.. So I just called and his wife picked up so she got to know.. After that everyone was on my case because its HER life blah blah.. I don't care once I told that lady I felt soo much better.. Im telling you if my husband was sleeping around I don't care who told me just as long as someone did... You think it's only her that is in this but her children are.. If she wanted to be sleeping with a married man find someone that no one new.. don't sleep with a former co worker of your son who knows he was still with his wife... TRASH

Johanne - posted on 08/25/2012

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Although I think it's wrong for anyone to have an affaair, I found myself concerned that your husband took such an active role in attempting to end his mom's affair. Yes it's wrong but it's also a choice we have the freedom to make. Yes there are consequences but how does your husband justify his attempt to control his mother's behaviour. Mom is not a child. Her consequences are for her to deal with and her son's attempt to end the affair is equally wrong. He may decide he wants no part in accepting her behaviour but I personally think he has no right to dictate or attempt to control his mom's life or lifestyle.

Nicole - posted on 08/25/2012

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Regardless of how wrong it is to sleep with someone else's spouse, where is your MIL's self respect? This man (and I hesitate to call him that due to his actions) will probably never leave his wife. Your MIL would be much better off with out scum like him in her life. She's allowing herself to be used plain and simple. To be blunt, she needs to grow a pair and kick him to the curb.

Tina - posted on 08/24/2012

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Yeah. I'd been separated for more than a year but still living in the same house because I had no where to go. It was scary because he was a schizophrenic and drinking. Best day of my life was when I got out of there a relative offered me a place for a couple weeks. Just enough so I could actually save some money. Couldn't around the ex because he'd get hold of the money and spend it on booze. Got out took 2 years to go through divorce. No way in hell I was waiting on a piece of paper saying ok now you're not legally married you can move on with your life and have children lol. As my dad even said wouldn't have even called it a marriage. We lived under the same roof that was it.

Stifler's - posted on 08/24/2012

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Waiting until the divorce is final? That takes one year at the least in Australia and like Layce said sometimes 3 years or more. Like someone is going to go a year without sex when they're not even with their "wife" or "husband".

Tina - posted on 08/24/2012

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totally agree with that hey. I always think what the? When someone cheats with a man then expects him to be faithful. If he'll cheat with you. He'll cheat on you.

Stifler's - posted on 08/24/2012

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I agree with Doves post haha if you are sleeping with a married man whose wife doesn't know and they aren't breaking up you're crazy if you think he's leaving her and will be faithful to you.

Stifler's - posted on 08/24/2012

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When they are separated and "technically" still married then you're no longer in a relationship so it's okay. IMHO.

Tina - posted on 08/24/2012

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As far as waiting for paper work to be finalised. I don't see why you should wait. In my case. The relationship was well and truly over. It took a couple of years for divorce to be finalised. I wasn't planning on getting into another relationship but I did. I have now had 2 kids with this man. Why should I put my life on hold for a piece of paper. My dick head of an ex has taken some of the best years of my life. I'll be damned if he takes so much as another day.

Johanne - posted on 08/24/2012

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What I find interesting is how women will focus a lot of their anger toward the "other woman." She didn't make a commitment with you or promise not to cheat with your husband. Admittedly though, I like the idea of sueing her. Unfortunately it's our self esteem that dictates much of our reaction ( as well as with the moron who broke his promise to you). I don't think it's ok to have an intimate relationship with a married man (whether or not she sleeps with him.)

Stephanie - posted on 08/24/2012

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Also, it is an assumption that the woman whom he is married to has any knowledge of what is going on behind closed doors with the other woman. Don't be deceived, no wife or woman deserves to be cheated on. It doesn't sound like this man actually plans on getting divorced, it sounds like he's visiting the mother in law a few times a week so he can have his cake and eat it too. He may never leave his wife and she deserves better.

Stephanie - posted on 08/24/2012

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I don't believe you have to sleep with someone to know if you would like someone else or not.... Love and marriage are a mix between choice and emotion. There are time's where you're more or less emotionally attached, that is where perseverance and choice comes in... and maturity. You choose to honor and make a choice to love your spouse like you said you would when you took your sacramental vows. My parent's have been married for 31 years and there are time's when they dislike each other, but, they choose to love one another through the hard times and come out stronger. There are expected time's when it isn't all bliss..... It is never okay to sleep with a marrried woman or man or a committed man/woman whom is in a relationship. The grass often looks greener on the other side but mature adults don't eat a piece of candy every time it looks good. There is no way to assure it will work out with the next person any better than it is with the person you're currently married to, explain that to his wife and 2 year old that most likely adore him.

Lydia - posted on 08/24/2012

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its a wife nightmare when she gets to know about it hurts and cripples one physical emotional mental well being please people dont do it

Jennifer - posted on 08/24/2012

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Pardon my French but ild straight up f*ck a bitch up if she slept with my man!

Erin - posted on 08/24/2012

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Totally with you, girl. It is never okay to participate in hurting another woman, or attacking a family.

Sue - posted on 08/24/2012

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I think one of the things that some of you might be forgetting is many, many times the divorce doesn't happen. It's something about staring down that barrel of the gun to make it FINAL (as in the DEATH of a marriage) that wakes some people up and they end up staying together.

Angel - posted on 08/24/2012

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It's just my opinion. There is no rational reason. It may still be hurtful to the other spouse even if they agree to the divorce

Johnny - posted on 08/24/2012

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I just don't get why one should wait? What would be acheived by waiting? I just don't see a rational reason to do so. Obviously the relationship is done, it's not as if it is cheating on a trusting spouse. The only difference is whether or not some paperwork has been signed.

Angel - posted on 08/24/2012

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But if both parties are aware and there isn't the issue of one leaving the other- like you and Lacye have stated, why can't you wait? I mean it is all my opinion but maybe I just think it shouldn't be that hard

Johnny - posted on 08/24/2012

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I don't know Angel. If both parties are both aware that the relationship is OVER and that the divorce is imminent, then I'm not sure why they would be obligated to wait. It's a legal technicality at best.



I would agree that if the couple is having a separation and trying to work things out, then they should probably focus on each other, and demonstrate some real commitment. I strongly believe in people working hard to stay married.



However, if the relationship is done for, and both parties are aware of that fact, there is no point in staying committed to one's soon-to-be-ex spouse. Really, it's personal choice.

Lacye - posted on 08/24/2012

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Johnny, you took the words right out of my mouth!



As I said in my case, it took my husband over 3 years to obtain a divorce simply because he could not afford it. Also he had no idea where his crack whore wife was at. He didn't find out until 2 weeks before he filed where she was at and that was only because she called him to tell her that she had had a child by another man but the hospital forced her to put my husband's name on the birth certificate because they were still legally married and the stupid bitch was going to force him to pay child support and pay her hospital bills. Luckily enough hubby's lawyer put a stop to that. So does that make me an immoral or bad person because I was with a man who was technically married? No it doesn't. It just means my hubby has a cunt of an ex wife.

Angel - posted on 08/24/2012

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Johnny, those are a few exceptions that I can see. But if you are waiting just a few months to get the papers finalized then you can wait.

Johnny - posted on 08/24/2012

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Angel, some people wait years to finalize their divorce. One of my co-worker's husband ran off on her and totally disappeared for over 10 years. Her divorce could not be finalized until he turned up. His own parents were trying to help her by tracking him down. His kids were completely abandoned by him and her fiance took on the role of father. Should they have waited to start their relationship until the deadbeat husband/dad decided to show up again? Things aren't always so black & white.

Johnny - posted on 08/24/2012

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I do not think it is every okay to cheat on your spouse. The only acceptable circumstances for this is when a couple is separated, especially if they're awaiting a finalized divorce or where the other partner is completely out of the picture, or when a couple has agreed to have an open marriage. A marriage is a contract between two people, it should be respected by those outside and it should be accepted that each couple may create their own rules about how their partnership works. But it needs to be mutually agreed and honest, otherwise, it's hurtful and harmful. In my opinon, harming your spouse (or anyone for that matter) is quite immoral.

Angel - posted on 08/24/2012

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I don't think it is ever ok, not even if they are getting a divorce- you can wait until the divorce is final.

Dawn - posted on 08/24/2012

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Yes. It is ok to sleep with a married man -IF YOU ARE HIS WIFE!

Under no circumstances should any woman sleep with another woman's husband.



1. You deserve better. To have a man commit to YOU and you alone. To not have to share finances, affection, children, time, attention with another woman and her family. It becomes a competition to try and get more from a guy when you really deserve it all. Have a standard or two!



2. Because it hurts the kids. Quite often families are involved. So even if his wife is a beast, those kids deserve a father who is engaged in their lives and not spending time and money on a mistress. They need dad to be available for them. Will he likely find another woman? Yes. But do you want those kids' destroyed lives on your shoulders? No.



3. Because we woman should stick together. While sick with my oldest in the hospital I stumbled upon an episode of Jerry Springer (yeah, mature, right?). I was amazed! This guy brings his wife on to tell her a secret and the secret is that he is cheating on her with her cousin. So these two girls proceed to have a fist fight , on the stage, over this stupid loser guy -who is smiling from ear to ear over these girls fighting over HIM!

Girls! You should BOTH kick him to the curb! A cheating guy is not worth a single moment of sorrow or a single bit of effort. We need to stick together ladies! We need to stop doing to other women what we would be devistated by ourselves! We need to have enough respect for other women to keep out hands off their hubbies and give their marriage a fighting chance.



4. If he will cheat WITH you he will cheat ON you. REAL men who have REAL character don't have affairs. They don't string you along. If they are WORTH loving, they will be the kind of man who is faithful and truly committed. Hold out for that kid of man.



You are NOT crazy! :)

Elaine - posted on 08/24/2012

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No your not nuts. It is never ok to sleep with a married man. He and his wife have taken a vow. Its Adultery if he or she sleeps with anyone else. Some of us still have morals

A lot of people get hurt and lots of lies have to be told not good unnless the married man is your husband

Kylie - posted on 08/24/2012

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the only married man it is ok to sleep with you the one you are married to.



the only exception is men who are still married but are not living in the home and are getting a divorce!

Lisa - posted on 08/24/2012

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the bottom line is that God says to have sex with anyone that we are not married to is committing adultry and is a sin against God. PERIOD. so regardless of what our opinions are (as varied and 'justifiable' in our own minds as they are)... that's what God's word says about it

Jackie - posted on 08/24/2012

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I think people who cheat in their marriage are not the ones suffering - if a person is unhappy in the marriage - get out before testing the water and hurting innocent people. I was dating a guy - many years ago who never told me he was married. When I finally discovered his lies to me - I moved on immediately. Wasn't going to buy his "poor me" stories.... and he never left his wife.

Just continued cheating. Also filed the divorce papers the minute I caught my "X". Sure he had his girlfriend believing his "poor" him saga. Their relationship didn't even last a year once they were "free" to screw each other. So people out there who believe it's OK - you are selling yourself short also and maybe that's what you deserve.

Renee - posted on 08/24/2012

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Never never never ok. You can justify it in your head a million different ways but it will never make it ok.

Debbie - posted on 08/24/2012

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No Tara, you are not nuts. I agree with you. Would you like someone sleeping with your husband? I have very strong feelings about this.

Sue - posted on 08/24/2012

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I don't think that you are allowed "try outs" to see if your marriage isn't right. Marriage isn't like taking a car on a test drive. I believe many marriages could be saved if people would only try.

Many marriages come out on the other side stronger than ever. It is a lot of hard work sometimes to make sure that you stay close to your partner, and that isn't all about sex. And sleeping with a married man can have devastating results as Chaya stated in her post.

Ashley - posted on 08/24/2012

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I differ. You cant help who you like. I believe it is ok to sleep with a married man. Because obvoiusly he isnt in love his wife so why should you both suffer. Most times the married person soon divorces or leaves their current spouse. But I believe in order to know if your marriage isnt right you have to be able to like other people n that usually entails sleeping with them.

BERNICE - posted on 08/24/2012

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Wow your husband is a good one if I found out my mom or dad was on that. I wouldn't wait it would be à discussion w the other person. I can't believe a woman with grown children who are married nonetheless would do that. Find someone single! Yes she's wrong and the man should be called out.

Jackie - posted on 08/24/2012

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It is never O.K. to sleep with a married man unless you are married to him. When you get married you commit yourself to another person. You want to sleep around - then do the correct thing - get out of the marriage - legally separate, file for divorce, follow thru on it - then start having your "Affair" (and see how long it lasts..ha.... Once the excitement of sneaking around is gone.)

So many people want the best of both worlds - the "happy" home life and fun on the side.

That is not what a marriage is about.

The disregard and selfishness is unfair to the person who was promised to be honored, loved and obeyed. Lying and cheating hurts many people.

Tina - posted on 08/24/2012

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The only one to sleep with the married man, is the wife of that married man, no body else should . Medical reasons, as in a patient status, the caretaker should be in the next room, and have a monitor on that person, as in a speaker like a 'baby' speaker to hear the sounds if needed to take care of the other person, with the permission of the wife, who if she is able to help should do so. But otherwise it is never permissable for anyone to sleep with a married man other than the wife of that married man. This is considered adultry otherwise and there are spiritual and emotional consequences for even thinking about doing that let alone actually commiting such a sin.

Lacye - posted on 08/24/2012

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I have slept with a married man before, HOWEVER, his wife had left him 3 years before hand and he never had the money to file for divorce until after I moved in with him. He filed for abandonment and now he is my husband and we are having our second child in February. That is the only justification I see for a person to sleep with a married man.

Laureen - posted on 08/24/2012

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When that man is your husband! That's it. Otherwise, he belongs to someone else!

Tina - posted on 08/24/2012

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No it's not ok. There is the exception if they're separated and divorce isn't finalised. I have been engaged for 2 years with 2 kids and my divorce to my ex was only recently finalised. My ex and I were well and truly separated when I got hooked up with my fiancee. To the point I'd moved changed my number because he was abusive and harassing me. But as far as cheating goes it's never acceptable. Not even if the person intends to break off the relationship. It really pisses me off when people get in the middle of marriages and try to break families. If it's already over and done with and each have gone their separate ways that's one thing. But you don't go ruin a marriage even if it's bad and it's important to be up front if you're not happy in a relationship not go behind a persons back. A person has a right to know the truth and be able to make the decision to stay or go not be betrayed.

Natalie - posted on 08/24/2012

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OMG yes only right when he is your husband, why are so many people destined to hurt so many other people and lives, i hate it i have been hurt so many times if you don't want a marital trusting relationship don't get married have a family or even get into a relationship if you are going from on person to another you are not ready to settle, into anyones life...

Tara - posted on 08/24/2012

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Ok so I'm not alone..

My Mother inlaw has been seeing a married man and when it was first brought to the family it was that they weren't together, but he couldnt leave her because he didn't want to lose the house. So after a few months you never really heard of him we never seen him bdays holidays nothing he was always with his mother.. ya ok

So my husband went to his mother and told her things have to change if he is with you then he is with you.She said she was going to talk to him about it but then he had a heartattack and it was never brought to him. So after that it wasnt brought up. We NEVER seen him weekends nothing he would only go there after work a few days during the week. So once it was brought up again to her which was only 2 months ago and first she lied and said they were only friends which just pissed my husband off because he new she was lieing. So after letting her know he was going to come down and confrount him she broke down and told him she was still seeing him. My husband gave her the whole if he wanted to be with you then he would, why doesn't he leave her money isn't everything but to find out he NOW has a 2 yearold son...!!

My husband freaked out and told her he was grossed out that she would continue to see him knowning that he is still sleeping with his wife. He told her that that he was going to be calling the wife to let her know that he was sleeping with his mother and he had the nerve to ask him why is he trying to ruin ppl lives.. she sleeps with the man but her son is ruinning lives...

I don't get how she could do this and think it was ok..

Amanda - posted on 08/24/2012

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No it's not ok unless you are the one married to him or the couple have an open relationship and are ok with that.

Chaya - posted on 08/24/2012

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The only time it's okay to sleep with a married man is when it's you that's married to him. This would hurt you, your family, him, his wife,and children. I don't don't necessarily know the wife, but she could be my friend too, I don't want to hurt that person either.

Dale - posted on 08/23/2012

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cheating is the most hurtful thing you can do...and I am four score against it. break up with the person first. you can't have your cake and eat it too. I am I've never cheated on anybody and have been cheated on once that I know of. It sucks

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