When is it ok for children to stop believing in Santa and The Tooth Fairy?

Krista - posted on 07/09/2012

Thanks for all of your input, ladies -- this has been a great discussion, with a wide variety of viewpoints.

Krista E.
WTCOM Moderator

Vicky - posted on 07/09/2012

I would rather my child have the wonder of a magical world in their eye than the dreadful reality they might not have anything to eat that day. I would rather they dream about what Santa brought them and how quiet the reindeer must have been to not wake them as they sleep rather than dreaming of one day having their own actual bed to sleep on at night. We are fortunate we don't have such poverty and I will prepare my child for the harshness life offers, but I think being able to fantasize and enjoy in the fairy tales are part of the magic of staying young. I may be a harder woman because of the cruelties of those who gave up their dreams and fantasies long ago, but I will do what I can to protect this magical time for my child. Vicky, I hope you always encourage your daughter and her friend to always believe in the magical.

Vikki - posted on 07/09/2012

My son is 11 and I think he has known for years that I'm the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Santa. I discovered Santa when I was about 8 because I recognized my mom's handwriting. I confronted her about it and she said that Santa asked her to write it for him. lol. I knew better, but kept the magic alive for my younger brother.

My son still "believes" for the sake of believing. I think we all do in a way. I love the magic and spirit of Christmas. Plus, when they get old enough and we're all watching all of these Christmas movies, there are so many different versions, sooner or later they're going to pick up on it and ask if there really is a Santa and which one is correct. So, we tell them the back story (complete with Santa Claus is Coming to Town by Rankin Bass) about Santa Claus, Kris Kringle, St. Nick. And they "know". But, they know that if they don't believe, then they just get presents from Mom and not from Santa. lol. My niece and nephew (16 and 13) still "believe" too to humor their mother. If they don't believe, they don't get Santa gifts. And we've always stuck to the 3 Santa gifts and some stocking stuffers. (3 gifts because there were 3 kings that brought gifts to Baby Jesus) Makes it easy on us whether we've had a rough year or a good year.

He discovered the Tooth Fairy when his tooth remained under his pillow for three nights. Those three nights I happened to be working late, completely exhausted and forgot :( But he continued to "believe" for my sake and well, because he got money (and guilt money at that too!! lol)

I think kids know, but they also know to believe. I think if we continue to promote the spirit of each of these holiday traditions, then they can believe without believing on the level of being made fun of at school. Honestly, I think the kids that tease are the ones who found out too early and were completely crushed and cover it up with a tough exterior.

Keep it alive for as long as possible. They are only young once.

Bethany - posted on 07/09/2012

I agree with Jodie Street 100%! In fact, I can't believe people are still doing the make believe creatures with their kids. It puts the rest of us honest people in the position to have to lie if their kid comes to us asking about Santa Claus. Does no one see that it's only teaching our children from the beginning that it's OK to lie? Children aren't going to know the difference between telling a lie about Santa Claus and telling a lie about stealing. I want my children to know that they can always come to me with any question and I will do my best to be as honest as I can. Also, I don't want my children thinking that some make believe person is buying all their presents for them. How do you ever explain that Santa is in a recession too? Kids are going to expect EVERYTHING that's on their list and that's just not reasonable.

As for the rest of you who are blaming the parents of the 8 year-old who was explaining the truth. Why reprimand someone for honesty? Seriously, isn't that a little twisted to you? Besides, why blame the parents? I was always told the truth as a child, and I was also told NOT to tell my friends about Santa, but I didn't listen. It wasn't my parents' fault. I thought it was silly that my friend still believed in something that wasn't real. I looked at it as odd that a parent would intentionally lie to their child. It crushed my friend when she found out she'd been lied to all those years. Why do that to your child? What does that accomplish? I'm all for pretend and imagination....but why do you have to lie to a child to achieve that? My kids and I love playing pretend....but they understand that it's just pretend and they move on. As Jodie said, I know many adults who were crushed when they found out they had been lied to all their lives. It makes you question everything you were ever told.

Again, we will tell our kids not to spoil it for other kids as well, just as my brothers and I were told.....but kids will be kids. It will come out. Do you really want your kids to hear the truth from someone else, or do you want to be the one to set the records straight and be honest with your kids? We still watch movies with Santa and the kids know that he's just pretend. I don't try to block it from them. I just think it's cruel to lie to your kids. Especially the parents that put soooo much energy into the lie. Seriously, why???

Julie - posted on 07/09/2012

i beleive whole heartedly about the MAGIC of some holidays becasue our children are only young once and as kids they should have something nice to belevie in becasue as so many have said the reality of life will be there waiting for them as they grow. let them be kids for as long as possible and let them have a magical childhood to look back on and say they were happy. some people treat their kids like mini adults and those kids never really have a childhood. my son went out to the icecream man when he was about 6 and got a cone with pink and white icecream on and asked if that was magic. i did tell him no it was just a fancy machine did it (explained it better but shortened for this purpose) he looked disapoionted that he didnt have a magic icecream bless him. leave the kids with their magic and watch the happy faces and excitement it warms the hearts of most adults to see happy excited kids

Wendy - posted on 07/08/2012

My kids are now 6 and 4, they asked me about it last christmas and I came to a concept that they accept and it kept the belief alive.... They were with me when I did some christmas shopping and asked why I was buying presents if Santa brings them. I explained that Santa was realy busy, so all the mommies and daddies have to help... so we buy presents and Santa only then has to drop a few at each house. So some of the presents under the tree were labled... love mommy or from each of them to each other and one or two were labled love Santa. That stopped the questions....

Stephanie - posted on 07/08/2012

I have two grown children, one that is 16 and a 9 month old. I did the whole Santa, bunny thing with my older kids and after talking it over with them and my hubby, this time we decided not to do it... I think she can still feel the magic of giving and enjoy the holidays with the true stories of Saint Nick and the Resurrection without instilling a needless expectation of gifts and candy. I just want her to learn that the giving is more important, plus I'll get to skip the whole dissolution by an older kid. Of course part of it will be also explaining that little kids believe and we shouldn't hurt them so she won't be the one telling them, but it just seems more honest this time around. I don't want anyone to think I'm saying your wrong it just seems easier to me this time so we won't have to deal with this... plus she can help Mommy and Daddy pick the grand parents, uncles, aunts etc... presents which will help her get into giving.

Jeanne - posted on 07/08/2012

Childhood is about magic....keep it alive as long as you can! Santa, the Toothfairy, the Easter Bunny are all part of it! I am 47 and still believe in the magic of it all! Thank God I had parents that allowed the magic! I am blessed to allow the magic to continue to my children! It is all about believing!

Kim - posted on 07/08/2012

My children know that mommy and daddy are santa claus but they get a kick out of waking up on christmas morning and seeing presents thar weren't there the night before. My children are just as innocent as a chd who experiences the whole santa / other mythical creatures. My oldest is 16 and still "innocent". I grew up without believing in santa and stayed innocent innocent.untol my 20's. I appreciated my parents not lying to me about someone else buying me my parents. I appreciated knowing that yhey worked extremely hard to provide for my brotner and I. It almost made me feel good know love enough tosacrifice their needs to provide for us.

Great thing about being an individual is that we can coose to fo what we see.fit. So if.you want to have a santa claus then all means go for it. If you do not then don't. We all have the rigjt to believe in what we want to believe in.

Jaime - posted on 07/08/2012

I don't think there should be a set age for this...children need imagination and they want that magic in their life. My son is 8 and I have no intention of saying anything to him....they will find out on their own as they grow older. No sense in pushing something that is a natural thing...let kids be kids and don't let society try to make them grow up any faster then they already do.

Karin - posted on 07/08/2012

My son will be 5 in August and he still believes fully in Santa, Tooth Fairy (because he hasn't experienced the tooth fairy yet) Easter Bunny, etc. It's fun for ME to let him believe. They are only little for a short time. Let them believe for as long as possible because it won't last forever.

Tara - posted on 07/08/2012

as long as my girls believe I am going to let them I was over 11 when I stoped so some kids these days learn early my oldest is 7 as well and last year in kindergarden a kid in her class told her santa was not real and she came home crying so much I told her to tell that kid she felt sorry for him as santa dont bring gifts who dont believe

Tina - posted on 07/08/2012

My 8 year old figured out the tooth fairy secret (stupid me forgot to place the quarter under the pillow one night) but I sure hope that we have many more years before he and his 6 year old brother stop believing in Santa. I hope that when they do stop believing that they don't tell me and they just go along with it for my sake! Lol

Jane - posted on 07/08/2012

Dove, it isn't like we aren't talking over it or anything that major. It's just something that still rankles when I think of it, particularly now my kids are old enough to enjoy the magic of Christmas.

Jennelyn - posted on 07/08/2012

Sweetie I don't blame the parents for anything, I just refused to fall for the "magic"

Dove - posted on 07/08/2012

I think if you're in your 30's and can't forgive your parents for choosing not to do Santa, etc.... some therapy may be in order. lol

Jennelyn - posted on 07/08/2012

Loves to each his/ her own if you choose to believe a lie then far be it for me to convince you of anything else. as for my child hood it was a very good one. I was luck to be one of those children who didn't fall for the "magic" no one forced as you would like to be believe anything down my throat, and there was no fear involved. So I wish all of you the best in your continued delusions. Shalom

Cindy - posted on 07/08/2012

Oh sure, Jennelynn. Let's force the "truth" as you call it down their little throats with a good dose of fear while you're at it! Some things are too mature for young minds. I don't know what your childhood was like or if this is what you were spoonfed instead of the joy of magic, fantasy and happily ever after. But you are wrong. Creating an attitude that nothing is as it seems, fear everything and believe only in what you can see, is hardly conducive to putting smiles on the faces of children or raising them to be empathetic, caring and optimistic adults. Isn't there enough lunacy in the world without turning our children to the dark side?

Cindy - posted on 07/08/2012

Of course you're not wrong! I believe the longer they stay innocent and in the garden of eden, the better. Life and it's harsh reality will come soon enough. I personally held on to my belief in Santa till I was nearly 12 and was still crushed to learn the truth. Imagination and innocent trust in the unseen builds on faith in God later on. When other children told my kids that "your parents buy the presents" and my children were clever enough to see that Santa couldn't be making things in the toy department at Wal-mart....I told them that Santa makes many things but if the things on their list are only available in stores, then Santa brings them and bills Mommy and Daddy for them later! Lol! They felt that made perfect sense.

Lori - posted on 07/07/2012

@Sarah- I was responding to your comment made here (I copied this from your comment)"I think the key here is to teach them when it is and is not appropriate to do so. If the lie is going to cause harm, or if it's to avoid responsibility, it should not be told. If the truth would be harmful to someone else, then a lie may be appropriate." I see you are back peddling a little and that is good. Teaching your children to hold inappropriate thoughts(about someones weight, lets say) and not shouting it in the store is completely different then responding to a direct question with a lie and telling them it is OK to do so. I agree everyone lies, but we as parents have to teach our children that it's NOT ok to lie EVER and refrain from doing it in front of them because then it becomes a double standard. I have a sister in law that picked up little lies over time and now you cannot trust a word that comes out of her mouth. My kids are so flipping honest they tell me stuff I don't even want to know, but I love that they do it and I know I can trust them.
Again, we did the tradition of Santa, and I was sad when it was over but when they asked me straight out if he was real, I was compelled to tell the truth. I wanted them to know they can always count on me to be truthful to their direct questions..

Jody - posted on 07/06/2012

A neighborhood child told my kids that Santa wasn't real, and when my kids asked me to confirm it, I asked them if they believed in magic. I explained that Santa is magic, that I believe in magic and I believe in Santa. We haven't had any questions since, but I have overheard my oldest son explaining this concept to other friends, which is good enough for me!

Jane - posted on 07/06/2012

Vicky, I grew up in a house where I was always told Santa and the Easter Bunny weren't real. I am now in my 30s and have still not forgiven my parents for depriving me of all those years of magic. I say let your daughter enjoy it for as long as possible!

Alice - posted on 07/05/2012

NO !!! They are only children once !! My son was 9 & my daughter was 10. When they found out they were so sad !! My grandson is 11 & he STILL believe. My granddaughters are 7 & 10 7 they STILL believe Don't take this away !! Thank goodness mine still do.

Jennelyn - posted on 07/05/2012

It saddens my to read and hear that people who should know better, still choose to participate in and perpetrate a lie. most of you are aware that christmas is in the dead of winter, the winter solstice is on that day. there is also a darker side to the whole story. unfortunately many of you will not believe, and so will continue in the vein in which you now go. take some time to read up and do research on the subject. stop being sheep to the system. which is an old one which encouraged people to sacrifice their children.

Pat - posted on 07/05/2012

There is something "magical" about the Christmas season. Somehow people seem nicer, seem to be more joyful. It is the "joy of/the spirit of" not receiving but of giving. Whether it is serving at a shelter,visiting the elderly-listening to a friend, seeing with new eyes and hearing with an open heart.

The Spirit of Christmas is what is is all about not the presents or gift exchanges. Just the "good will" that seems to creep into our souls.

I must be that "cockeyed optimist" but I truly believe in the love and the spirit of giving of self. Some call it the "Christmas spirit' I call it joy and love that seems to seep out of every corner.
Nanny Pat

Cindy - posted on 07/05/2012

My oldest daughter will be 11 next week and she still believes in them too. I would just let her believe in it them until they ask or stop believing in them. I don't push them into believing in anything magical like that, but it is fun! It shows an imagination.

Lisa - posted on 07/05/2012

Here is a link that talks about some of the things he did and if you look to the left you can click on the link that talks about him being a Catholic Saint. http://www.stnicholascenter.org/pages/re...

Sarah - posted on 07/05/2012

It's not all about belief Meggy. It's also about respect. I respect your right to not teach your children about Santa Claus. But you (and everyone who doesn't "do" Santa) also need to respect my right to teach my children about it. If you don't believe in it, than there is no need to go around even discussing it with our children who won't understand, ruining the magic for them, for once they start to doubt that belief, it is gone forever. It is different from a persons belief in God because that belief will last a lifetime whether it comes and goes or not. Adults do not regain a belief in Santa. Is it simply not better to teach your children to not participate in conversations about it rather than teach them that it may upset people if they say he isn't real? It's disrespectful to our belief that our kids should participate in it if you (or your kids) go around telling them he isn't real. I do believe in God and consider myself a Christian, but before I found my way, I would never have dared tell someone there wasn't one. I didn't even discuss it with them because I respected the right to their belief without me infringing my belief onto them.

As far as the tradition of Santa Claus, for me, it's something I held very dear to my heart growing up. I want my children to have the same joy and excitement I had around it. Imagine if someone told you that you couldn't have a Christmas tree anymore in your house, or bake a favorite family recipe, or have an annual Christmas party, or a turkey for Christmas dinner. It may not hinge on you not enjoying the holiday, but it wouldn't exactly be the same now would it?

Meggy - posted on 07/04/2012

It's all about belief, isn't it?
One thing that does bug me is when parents get annoyed because other little kids tell their kids the truth. Why shouldn't they? Kids say what they think, it's not uneasonable. I do warn my sons (age 5 and 8 and never believed in Santa) that they may upset other kids if they tell them Santa doesn't exist; but I won't ask them not to tell other kids. They are entitled to their beliefs, and they are entitled to express them (in a considerate and respectful way).
I teach my kids about Jesus. I respect the fact that other kids won't believe in him, and that they may well tell my sons that Jesus isn't real. My sons need to know that people don't all believe the same things.

I have to say that kids will believe what they choose to believe - my sons want to believe in the tooth fairy at the moment!

As to spoiling the magic of christmas; I find it hard to understand why enjoyment of christmas depends on believing in a fat man in a red suit! My boys love christmas. We are happy to make a game of Santa coming if they want us to, but they are not really interested in him. He's not a positive figure to everyone anyway, my niece was scared of him for many years despite being told he wasn't real.

Cortney - posted on 07/04/2012

I think that letting them believe as long as possible is fine. I don't think you have to confess it to them. They'll figure it out. I was never "told". My kids (I have 4, the oldest is 6) may have some suspicion that these characters aren't real because we went to visit the Easter Bunny at a nursing home in town and his head fell off right in front of my daughter. She was four at the time. You should have seen the look on her face. It was priceless. Of course she had to tell her siblings about it. I told them it must have been a helper but not sure how long that line will work.

Cortney - posted on 07/04/2012

I think that letting them believe as long as possible is fine. I don't think you have to confess it to them. They'll figure it out. I was never "told". My kids (I have 4, the oldest is 6) may have some suspicion that these characters aren't real because we went to visit the Easter Bunny at a nursing home in town and his head fell off right in front of my daughter. She was four at the time. You should have seen the look on her face. It was priceless. Of course she had to tell her siblings about it. I told them it must have been a helper but not sure how long that line will work.

Johnny - posted on 07/04/2012

I just love all these opinions about what is "real". It is completely and totally arguable whether Jesus, God or Santa are "real". Doesn't it suffice to say that you don't do Santa or the Easter Bunny and leave it at that without attacking the choices of other parents? There are many people here for whom Santa is obviously still "real". And many people for whom God/Jesus is not. It would be just as easy for me to call Christian parents liars for teaching their kids about Jesus being the son of God. Can't we just state our choice and drop the ridiculous insults and accusations of lies?

T - posted on 07/04/2012

We believe in the real reasons on Easter & Christmas...My son (6, now) loves the holidays even without Santa & the Easter bunny. My husband & I chose not to lie to our son. He has a great imagination, & we still have lots of fun & traditions -but, we have told him that some parents tell there kids different things...

Krista - posted on 07/04/2012

Sigh. Billie, will you let your kids read fairy tales? Or works of fiction? Or any television shows that are not documentaries? Those are all "lies" as well.

There's a difference between storytelling and lies, people.

Billie Jo - posted on 07/04/2012

Why would you even start lying to them. Your teaching children its ok to tell a small lie as long as it doesnt hurt anyone.

Johnny - posted on 07/04/2012

Sheila, I think you have entirely mis-read my posts. I am actually advocating the idea that each family, each person, should be free to celebrate holidays/special days as they see fit, according to their own beliefs.

I grew up in a non-religious family that did the whole Santa, "secular-style" Christmas thing. My husband grew up in a Russian family that didn't do Santa and celebrated Christmas in January (Orthodox calendar) but it was not considered Jesus' birthday but a special day to celebrate him. We both have wonderful memories of our "Christmas" as kids and they were magical to each of us in our own way.

People who make comments that suggest that everyone should do things the same way they do it or else they are wrong or that they are liars or that they are ruining magic etc. etc. really bother me. Open your hearts and minds a bit.

Now in our family we celebrate Yule. We are not Christians, so we don't see any reason to celebrate Christmas. I don't generally explain that to everyone we meet as having that conversation about how it's not a "Christmas" tree and not a "Christmas" wreath are just not pleasant or necessary. We usually celebrate Yule on Christmas because the actual days that we should be celebrating on are not days off, so we have to work. But our holiday consists of sharing feasts and stories, decorating our tree, making wreaths, candles, and planting some seeds for spring seedlings. We do exchange gifts and my daughter does visit Santa and has read all about those stories. We don't see any reason for her not to enjoy those myths along with all the other kids. So trust me, I understand very well that the Christian religion has set its holidays to coincide with traditional Pagan celebrations.

I will say that even though I immensely enjoyed the whole Santa/Tooth Fairy/Easter Bunny thing as a kid, that it isn't some sort of necessary ingredient to a magical, happy, joy-filled childhood. It may be a key memory for us, one that gives us the warm fuzzies (or not), but there are plenty of ways to fill a childhood with joy and wonder. But seriously, this ridiculous "it's all lies" bullshit needs to stop. It's really rude.

Gina - posted on 07/04/2012

Hey Vicky, my daughter just turned 10yrs old and still believes. If she does come to you with the question then your can have her still believe in the spirit of Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, etc. In our family we believe in Fairies, Leprachauns, Unicorns, etc. It is part of our connection with our Ancestors. It gives them a healthy imagination.

YANAIS - posted on 07/04/2012

No your not wrong!!!!!! Let her found out on her own, on her own time and way.

Sheila - posted on 07/03/2012

Johny _ I totally disagree I grew up in a Strong Fundimental Baptist family and we did Halowee, Easter Bunny and Santa all with out compromising our faith if you want to be strict about it you shouldn't celebrate Christmas either as it "Celebrates Christ's Birth" when he actually was born in the middle of the year according to the Hebrew calander and it was placed in December to take over a pagen holiday to try and make christianity a more prominate religion. Before you spout off about peoples choices I suggest you do the reserearch - Check with any theologian who has studied both the Hebrew Latin and Greek and you will find that many of our Christian Holidays were shaped around a pagen base to move away from it.

Angela - posted on 07/03/2012

I'm starting to believe that we have all gone down the wrong path here. The question came from a mom that has the tradition of bringing Father Christmas aka Santa and the Tooth Fairy in their home. For the most part I believe she has gotten her answer. As for my moms and dads that do not believe in Santa and choose not to bring the "myth" into their house, I completely respect your decision. It concerns me when I read posts where we are literally going after one another for their beliefs. We should be teaching our children to be open-minded and respect those around us regardless of their beliefs. I'm not here to offend anybody, I'm here to offer my opinion on the question asked only.

Charlita - posted on 07/03/2012

I think it is absolutely fine that your daughter still believes. Our children are growing up much to fast as it is, and allowing them to believe in such things should stop when they are ready. I allow my children to believe until they let go of the notion. I get just as caught up in the magic of the holidays and just love to see the happiness and joy that shine from their eyes. They are not jaded and can appreciate the holidays for what they are. A magical time where wonderous things happen and just for that small moment you share that with them.

Lisa - posted on 07/03/2012

You may be able to explain that there was a Saint Nicholas who was known to put candy, fruit, and nuts into the shoes that children would leave outside their homes. Maybe explain how he started (record wise) the spirit of giving and since he was a man of God that we try to teach the lesson of giving. I'm still trying to figure it out to be honest, but taking kids to feed the hungry at soup kitchens is another way of giving. When my kids are old enough to cross that bridge that is probably the story I'm giving.

Sherri - posted on 07/03/2012

Sorry Valerie I disagree. For our family it is hugely important and such a magical part of our Christmas. I wouldn't not have Santa a part of my children's childhoods for all the money in the world. I know my oldest two who now know feel the same way. My 15 & 13yr old help my 6yr old make the reindeer food and sprinkle it on the front lawn so Santa can find us. They help make Santa's cookies and lay them on Santa's special plate and pour milk in Santa's special cup. Then they help find the perfect carrot for Rudolph.

They then help me wrap the presents from Santa. Ahhhh the memories bring such a smile to my face even now.

Kelli Joan - posted on 07/03/2012

when my son came to me and asked if santa was real, i told him the truth...of course he is ... your dad and i, are santa! My son thought that was great!

Stifler's - posted on 07/03/2012

Exactly I find it very annoying that people think "Santa" is the only thing " magical" about Christmas. My family never did Santa and I didn't miss out on anything nor was I deprived.

Valerie - posted on 07/03/2012

I was always suspicious after about 7 because no matter how late i stayed up he never came. I actually think now its dishonest and wrong. You dont need santa and elves to have the magic. Just have fun with your family.

Jo - posted on 07/03/2012

Hi
I think let them believeas long as they can with out kids making fun of them . kids arent kids very long in this day and age. I have 2 daughters 17& 22 and they still put their santa sacks out (Which they have had since babies) christmas eve as i told them if you dont beleive you dont recieve!!, they knew when they were very young as their friends told them but they were still happy to carry on with the tradition. Who wouldnt wake up to see what been left in your santa sack early hours in the morning!!!

Megan - posted on 07/03/2012

I don't know if you're asking me or not, but I've already addressed that question.

Patti - posted on 07/03/2012

I have a 6 year old son and 4 year old daughter who have never believed in Santa or the Easter bunny. I told them the truth from the beginning, that Christmas is Jesus's birthday and Easter is to celebrate Him rising from the dead after he died for our sins. My parents taught me and my siblings the same thing and we all turned out fine. I think you can tell your kids about Santa or tell them the truth.. either way, they'll deal with it.

Johnny - posted on 07/03/2012

"since both Christmas, santa claus and the tooth fairy are pagan beliefs you should not encourage your children in such........ "

Unless of course you happen to be a pagan.