When is it ok for children to stop believing in Santa and The Tooth Fairy?

Johnny - posted on 07/03/2012

Would you like it if I sent my children to school prepared to explain in depth to your kids why there is no God? Does it not suffice to simply explain to your children that we all have different beliefs? If other kids express a faith in something they themselves do not believe in, that they can just say that they do not share in that. It happened all the time to me as a kid. My neighbors were Jewish and Chinese. Neither sets of kids believed in Santa, I knew that, and yet it didn't change my belief that he existed. It was actually a kid whose family did the whole Santa thing that first told me outright that he wasn't real.

Jennelyn - posted on 07/03/2012

since both Christmas, santa claus and the tooth fairy are pagan beliefs you should not encourage your children in such........ i happen to agree with the 8 year old

Pat - posted on 07/03/2012

Neither has electricity, we only see its effects.

Brandy - posted on 07/03/2012

What gets me is all the people that don't do Santa that tell their children to keep quiet about it, like they have to keep their beliefs hush hush to "protect" the ones who are celebrating make belief. If we should have to tell our children not to say anything to the ones that talk about Santa then shouldn't their children be told not to talk about Santa to other kids too?

Megan - posted on 07/03/2012

"So you're suggesting that your kids should go around disillusioning and breaking the hearts of other little kids, in order to promote YOUR own personal beliefs?"

Well that's just silly. I was simply embarrassed at my epiphany that I had been teaching my kids to keep quiet about our beliefs by going along with the beliefs of other children. Instead, I need to teach my kids to say, "I believe in a different reason for celebrating Christmas..." etc.

My underwear does not get in a bunch, and I do not huff and spew ignorance when someone tells my child that Jesus isn't real. It's life, everyone has differing beliefs, getting upset at another child for their innocent opinions isn't the mature road to take. If my kids question anything, it then becomes a time to strengthen their faith by talking about why other people wouldn't believe, or why others question our faith. It's really nothing to get upset over, which is why I find it so ironic that I am expected to sit back and take it when our faith in Jesus is questioned, but I must teach my children to remain silent, and protect the minds of other children regarding the truth of Santa Clause.

Pilar - posted on 07/03/2012

I have read the first 4 pages of the replies and I think there are more than sufficient and wise answers, so my post goes a bit in a different direction.
I'm Portuguese. In my country many children are led to believe in Santa (here we call him "Pai Natal"). When I was a child, that wasn't the case. I didn't grow up believing in Santa, and my Xmas was always so exciting and wonderful. I don't think I missed anything.
I'm a primary school teacher. Once a 6 or 7 year-old student asked me, in front of the whole class, if Santa was real. I told them that if they wanted, I could show them a video with the true story of Pai Natal (the story of Saint Nicholas). They said yes, so the next day I did. One angry mother talked to me after that, saying I had no right to destroy the phantasy or whatever, and that she had managed to talk her daughter into believing again. I never meant to destroy anything; what I meant was to show the children that there had been a real person in the first place, who was so kind and generous, and that was the main thing about him, and not that he could travel around the world in a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer!
Well, the reaction from this mother made me wiser for future students (that was 13 years ago). I have been asked the same question by other students. What I now do is create a debate between the believers and the non believers and I don't give my opinion. In fact, I "play" for both teams. I let them explain their thoughts and I question everyone of them. So, when a child says, for example, "Santa isn't real because I have never seen him", I say "But how does that prove that he isn't real?" - they usually remain silent. It has happened that a non believer has changed his opinion! That's not my intention, though - what I mean is for an atmosphere of respect for other people's beliefs - and in fact no one can PROVE Santa isn't real!
I'm also a mother of three children (5, 4 and 2 years old). We celebrate Christmas in its real meaning, the birth of Christ and Santa doesn't come to our house. They receive presents from the family. Some presents they open in our home, others in my parents' home, and all presents have a giver from within the family members. My two eldest talk about Santa because they "see" him in the streets, on TV, and sometimes in school, etc. However they do not believe in Santa - but are taught that other people may believe and that's OK.

Mireille - posted on 07/03/2012

It's nice to give your children something to believe in like the unexpected. Eventually, your daughter will find out for herself the real Father Christmas: You. When she does that is a good thing then you can tell her that her Christmas present will continue to be a surprise and unexpected that way the mystery of Christmas will continue forever in her life. She will have something to look forward to every year as she continues to share her Christmas wish list with you.

Annika - posted on 07/03/2012

I always told my dauther (21 now) that if in her heart she beliefs they exist then they will always do but the day that she doesn´t feel that way they will be gone, & now with my 5 yr old I tell him the same. The best movie to teach them that is Polar express. It says what am saying. I

Josie - posted on 07/03/2012

I'm so sorry. I seem to have opened up a can of worms by stating that I am a Christian. What I was trying to say (and obvious didn't do a good job at it) was that I think it's ok for children to believe in Santa Claus. Tradition isn't bad as long as it doesn't go against what you believe to be true, some believe in Christ and some don't. I respect everyone's beliefs as long as they respect mine. That's all. Vicky, it's your choice. I don t' think it's bad for you to try to keep some magic and imagination alive in your chold for as long as you can.

Amparo - posted on 07/03/2012

My kids are 9 and 5, they still believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy. I think its fine they believe as long as they can. With so little to actually look forward to that is worthwhile in today's society, whats wrong with that?

Kim - posted on 07/03/2012

My son was 7 last year and a 9yr friend told him Santa wasnt real (I was soo mad) he was classic he told her "havent you heard the songs he must be real and he himself had seen Rodolph last year"
He did come and ask me, I didnt want to lie to him at this age so I asked him, "Do you believe his real"? He said Yes, so I told him as long as he believes in Santa he is real.
That made him happy I am hoping for a few more magical years for him before he loses it.
And no 6 and 7 are the perfect ages for believeing in Santa I think, as they love the whole writing a letter and its great if you can get one of those replys from Santa they love that.
I love Xmas myself its the best time of the year keep believeing as long as you can I say :0)

Sherryl - posted on 07/03/2012

I like what donda and nikki have said.

Lisa - posted on 07/03/2012

Bless. I was just as terrible as that 8 year old when I was little. my siblings were much older than me and also I had managed to de-mask Santa a few times so I told all my friends when I was only 5 how silly they were believing in these fairy-tales. I was a terribly girl but not so stupid. Unfortunately your children will find out there is no tooth fairy or Santa at some point. I work as a children's entertainer fairy (this must be a punishment for telling my friends when I was a child) and when children ask me now if I really am a fairy or if fairies exist I say -Yes in the stories they do or -Yes in the story I am a real fairy. This way you don't lie but also keep the beauty of imagination. Children do understand the different between saga and reality and they can still pretend that fairies exist.

Josie - posted on 07/03/2012

Well Vicky, I am a Christian and have an 8 year old and a 2 year old and YES they still believe in Santa Claus. We have discussed the real reason we celebrate Christmas as the day Jesus Christ was born but have managed to have them believe in Santa Claus as more of a feeling. We haven't told my 8 year old he doesn't exist, she just believes. We also have a 20 year old and he believed until he was 11, and again, we didn't tell him, he just outgrew it. You don't have to confess but maybe prepare yourself for that question if and when it comes up.

Sherryl - posted on 07/03/2012

thank you that is what we believe in to my kids are 12, 9, and 5. My 12 dosen't tell my other two about anything.

Donda - posted on 07/03/2012

In my household if you don't believe, you don't receive... My 13 yo decided last year he no longer believed, at least that's when he admitted it. However he is the first to assure his 11 yo brother that everything is still real. I don't say much except for those kids that don't believe they don't receive, so it is their choice... They will believe until they are 30!!!

Nikki - posted on 07/03/2012

I dont think it is wrong at all. My children are 12 and 9. And I still cant tell them it isnt real, but I love that they are so innocent. I dont want to take that away. My sister tried to tell my son w/o asking me if it was ok first, and I got pretty upset. Reason is for one, I believe its the parents job to explain to the kids, some kids ask and some parents just tell. However parents seem fit. But I was told at an earlier age and I think it made me feel that I had to grow up faster. I dont want that for my children, I want them to be children until they should not be acting as children.I know my son is older, and Im sure he suspects, but I think he keeps it going to have that little miracle alive. My husband completely agrees with me, children seem to grow up to quickly now days and I want my children to act their age and believe in little miracles if they still believe. Plus we think its keeps the imagination and creativity going. My sisters two sons, she told them a couple years back and they are just a yr older than mine. To me they are very realistic even for children. But its was up to her to tell her children and how.

Claire - posted on 07/03/2012

My mum always told me that when I stopped believing is when Santa stops coming! That way I never dared even suggest that Santa might not be real as I was afraid I wouldn't get any presents! It stopped me asking the question which meant I never really knew..... 'Santa' kept coming to me until I moved out! I will do the same with my children and I hope to keep the magic going as long as possible!

Johnny - posted on 07/03/2012

Saint Nicholas was also a historical person. It's all in how the stories have developed through the generation. It's rather a moot argument.

Regina - posted on 07/03/2012

My 11 year old has brought it up several times in the last 2 years, I simply ask her if SHE believes in both Santa and the Tooth Fairy, she always replies yes and that is the end of the conversation! Her innocence is paramount to who she is and I know that she's been told by others that there is no Santa, but has chosen to ignore those comments.

Lucy - posted on 07/03/2012

in our house they were magical beings and as lonfg as you believed in the magic it would happen. When the time came not to believe in the magic then you would still get your gifts, it just wouldn't be as much fun.

Jasmine - posted on 07/03/2012

@MeMe---

Historically, Jesus was real, and he was killed on the cross. So don't be to quick to offend and say he isn't real.The facts are in your history books.... Wether he was the son of God or wether God even exists is up to the individual to decide.

I think I will teach my daughter about Santa as it will give her something to look forward too I'm not sure at what age I should introduce her to the idea of Santa.

Debbie - posted on 07/03/2012

My boys are 11 and 9 and still believe. My 16-year old step-daughter learned the truth about Santa at the age of 9! The rule at our house is if you don't believe in the magic of santa, etc. you get no presents. I hope my boys "believe" for several more years, we'll see what happens with my 11-year old though. He may begin to question it more and more as school begins in August again.

Sherryl - posted on 07/03/2012

all I am saying is that Santa or any other holiday if you notice is about giving and that is what I was tought when I was a kid. You are right that everyone has a right to believe in the way they want to, but you have no right to call people liers that want their kids to believe in something good in this stupid world now days. This world sucks and if my kids or any other kids want to believe in something that is fun then let them.

Melissa - posted on 07/03/2012

We dont lie to our kids. That may sound harsh but no tooth fairy, santa, easter bunny, leprachans etc in our house. My kids have been told that most kids their age believe in these things but that we dont do it. Explaining to my kids why moms and dads would
n't tell their kids the truth is actually really hard. My kids are told that if another kid talks about santa to just say we dont believe in that and talk about something else. I wont train my kid to lie to yours. Its fine if you eant to do santa just remember not everyone does.

Sherryl - posted on 07/03/2012

My son asked me about Santa and the Tooth Fairy one day. He flat out told me that I was the Toothfairy, Santa, and the Easter Bunny. I told him that Santa was a meaning for giving and that I still believed in Santa. He is the meaning of doing something special for someone without them knowing. That is when I started the 12 days of christmas for another family. He thought that was so cool. The same thing for the other holidays like easter. I also told him that if he didn't believe in Santa or any of the other holidays characters he wouldn't get anything on any of those holidays. He now believes in all of them and even helps me out for his younger sisters and if anyone tries to tell them otherwise he buts in and sets everyone straight that there is a Santa and a Toothfairy you just have to believe.

Johnny - posted on 07/03/2012

I'm not personally overly exercised if some kid tells my child that Santa isn't real. Meh, that's life. Some kid told me, and it was my choice to believe what they said or not. Kids are equally as entitled to share their beliefs and form their own. My daughter is a rather skeptical kid, she told me just this weekend that fairies aren't real (I was a bit saddened by that news really).

I do encourage her not to go around poo-pooing other people's imaginary stuff, but I don't have total control over what comes out of her mouth. I sincerely hope that she doesn't want to rain on other kid's parades, I hope that she sees that it makes them happy, and doesn't want to stop them from enjoying that.

We do still make-believe, our entire family, and we enjoy it. We don't discuss that it's not REALITY, although obviously we're all aware that Santa didn't build my husband that Black & Decker saw in his workshop. Just because you know the truth doesn't mean you can't still pretend. Even my kid knows this.

A few weeks ago when I picked her up from school she handed me a wood chip from the ground and said, "here mommy, have some chocolate." I pretended to eat it and dropped it down my sleeve. She asked me where it went and I said that I ate it. She was super concerned and said, "Mommy, you can't eat wood chips!!! It's just pretend. Don't you know how to pretend??" LOL.

The problem with this whole "Jesus" thing is that fully grown adults are still absolutely convinced that it's real. And they are trying to constantly convince me and my family that it is. You don't see me running around as a fully grown adult 100% certain that Santa Claus is currently in residence at the North Pole and checking to make sure I've been nice all year and then telling all other adults and children that they will be on the "naughty list" if they don't believe just like I do?

Krista - posted on 07/03/2012

That's a good way to go about it, Tiffany. I plan on doing the same with my son. He'll be taught about what other people believe, and to not go about actively trying to ruin other peoples' beliefs. We do the Santa thing, just for fun, but won't push it unduly if it looks like he's becoming skeptical.

Blaire - posted on 07/03/2012

it doesn't hurt her to believe in what she wants to believe, but just be careful how you say it cux later she might say, u told me it was real.. u liar u know what i mean... so just say but how did the presents or how did the teeth get there? let them use their imagaination. they will find out sooner or later anyway. kids get sad about it so i let my son believe for as long as he wants. when he ready he will figure it out. i think that the best part of my memories of childhood is looking back to those days when believing the magical days were here

Tiffany Amber - posted on 07/03/2012

But much as your underwear would be twisted if my kid told your kid that Jesus wasn't real, mine would be similarly knotted if your kid told my kid that Santa wasn't real. And that's fair, is it not?

You're exactly right, Krista. But I've been teaching my kids to not tell other kids Santa isn't real. They are taught who Santa is and what he represents, just as who Jesus is and what He represents. Same with God. It's all about respect and tolerance from *both* sides.

Krista - posted on 07/03/2012

Who's hostile? Some people are simply pointing out that they do not believe the same things as you do. And I was simply pointing out the logical fallacy in your assumption that believing in Jesus is a safe way to hedge your bets.

Heck, believe in what you want. No skin off my nose. :)

Krista - posted on 07/03/2012

Well, we'll let Megan clarify her statement. And nobody's underwear are knotted. But much as your underwear would be twisted if my kid told your kid that Jesus wasn't real, mine would be similarly knotted if your kid told my kid that Santa wasn't real. And that's fair, is it not?

Oh, and funny story about the Tooth Fairy. When I lost my first molar, I realized that my Tooth Fairy days were coming to an end. So along with my tooth, I left the Tooth Fairy a note asking for a raise from $0.25 a tooth to $1 a tooth, where I had so few of them left. My mom still laughs about that.

Tiffany Amber - posted on 07/03/2012

What if Zeus is real? And when you die, he is PISSED that you've believed in Jesus all this time?

Well, Zeus was/is a god, and if that's the case, I'd like to believe he's just as tolerant but also fair and just.

And yes, I know not everyone here believes in God. That's the beauty of free will and having the choice. I'm not shoving anything down anyone's throat. But the hostility merely proves my point. Nothing gets people incensed more than someone sharing his/her belief in God/Jesus. And though the focus might only come around once a year for Santa, Easter bunny, Tooth Fairy, the belief is entrenched and thoughts go toward them all year long.

Julie - posted on 07/03/2012

@Megan, I totally agree with you. And a lot of Americans would agree as well.

Johnny - posted on 07/03/2012

"I take them back and give them to the babies that don't have teeth yet."

Love it! That's too funny.

Tiffany Amber - posted on 07/03/2012

Krista, I don't believe she meant disillusioning and breaking hearts of other children; rather, sharing about Jesus the same way others children share about what they believe. It always amazes me how easily people have no problem with anyone talking about Santa and that belief, but they get their underwear in a knot over talk of God and Jesus. It doesn't have to be such a controversy. Tolerance is a two-way street.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 07/03/2012

Megan--In teaching my kids to not interfere with other children's beliefs in Santa, I am squelching their opportunities to spread the word about the real reason for the season, the birth of Jesus Christ.

And I teach my kids to tell kids like yours, to go fly a kite because Santa IS real and it is too bad they won't get any gifts, this year from him. ;)

Bronwen - posted on 07/03/2012

Oh, and the Tooth Fairy. I forgot about her! The kids write letters to the tooth fairy. "Dear Tooth Fairy, I lost a tooth today on the playground" or whatever... They leave it and the tooth in the tooth pillow I made them (the two girls now 15 and 13) had ballerina ones and my little man, 6, has a car one I made him. COOL!! T.F. comes in the night and leaves a 50 cent piece and a foreign coin. The FIRST tooth, she brought a tooth fairy Barbie and a truck. That was fun. I keep the tooth in an envelope with the letter and mark who it was, the date and which tooth. They will get the packet back when they are grown...all the way. I have one tooth and a letter my Dad wrote to me about it. One of my treasured things. My 13 girl, her letters always asked for a reply from TF....too funny. "What do you do with the teeth?" The answer, of course was "I take them back and give them to the babies that don't have teeth yet." HaHAHA Having kids is fun. Live in the magic as long as you can.

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 07/03/2012

Huh? Check what again?

Also, some of us here, DO NOT BELIEVE IN GOD!! It is great if you do, nothing wrong with that but stop pushing it down everyone's throat. Gracious!

Also, I think there is a complete difference between Santa and Jesus. One is imagination and the other is a part of a religion (yes, to some it is imagination, too. Like me). One, you only think about once a year, the other you practice daily. Hard to squash a daily practice but very easy to kill the idea of Santa. Just sayin. ;)

I am agnostic and I prefer to have it proven to me. Saint Nick was real. The custom has just continued to keep his greatness alive. ;) Nothing wrong with that. I haven't met anyone that can prove to me that any of this God stuff, is real. Sorry.

Krista - posted on 07/03/2012

I'd rather believe in Jesus and be wrong, then not believe in Him and be wrong. At least if I'm wrong, I've wasted nothing, and life just ends. But if those who don't believe are wrong, they've lost everything.

Ah, good old Pascal's Wager.

You know, Tiffany, there ARE other possibilities besides Jesus is real/life just ends.

What if Zeus is real? And when you die, he is PISSED that you've believed in Jesus all this time?

Johnny - posted on 07/03/2012

Good old Pascal's wager. Nice to see you here.

Krista - posted on 07/03/2012

In teaching my kids to not interfere with other children's beliefs in Santa, I am squelching their opportunities to spread the word about the real reason for the season, the birth of Jesus Christ.


So you're suggesting that your kids should go around disillusioning and breaking the hearts of other little kids, in order to promote YOUR own personal beliefs?

I can see that going over well.

Tiffany Amber - posted on 07/03/2012

MeMe...I think you need to look again. But belief in Jesus or God I've found is wrapped in the middle of a personal willingness to embrace all Jesus and God stand for beyond whether or not they merely exist. I mean, people have no trouble believing in Santa Claus, the Easter bunny or the Tooth Fairy, but Someone greater than us mere humans? That is where the issue occurs. To each his/her own. But for me, I'm not much of a gambler. I'd rather believe in Jesus and be wrong, then not believe in Him and be wrong. At least if I'm wrong, I've wasted nothing, and life just ends. But if those who don't believe are wrong, they've lost everything.

Johnny - posted on 07/03/2012

You're all aware that Santa and Jesus exist on the same plain of reality, right? If you choose to believe, it makes it real. Otherwise it's all just magic and make-believe.

Megan - posted on 07/03/2012

I just realized how embarrassed I should be by my answer. In teaching my kids to not interfere with other children's beliefs in Santa, I am squelching their opportunities to spread the word about the real reason for the season, the birth of Jesus Christ. The irony is, America gets their panties in a twist when someone says, "Santa isn't real" but doesn't bat an eye, and expects us to remain quiet when other children tell mine, "Jesus isn't real."

From now on, I will not expect my children to be quiet about telling their friends what Christmas is about.

Di - posted on 07/03/2012

My daughter is 11 and we told her that farther Christmas stops coming when she is 13, as he needs to give presents to the babys and that farther Christmas lets mum and dad know what they can have if they have been good, She seems to be fine with this, I think kids know what is true and what is not but they them self's what to keep the magic alive so just go along with the flow.

Tiffany Amber - posted on 07/03/2012

Oh, and yes. My daughter is very aware of what other children believe, and she's being taught to respect that, not to tell them they're wrong. Of course, because we make it fun for her, she has no problem with other children believing. And she's rather opinionated, so I'm counting myself blessed that she isn't more blunt or forceful about it. :)

Tiffany Amber - posted on 07/03/2012

My parents encouraged the belief in Santa Claus and the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny, but when I was 6, I came out of my room on Christmas Eve (for what, I don't know) and found my parents putting the gifts under the tree. I was always the observant and witty child, and that led me to believe my parents lied to me, betrayed my trust. To this day, I still remember that feeling. So, I vowed to never encourage the belief with my own kids.

Now, we do encourage the belief in the "magic" of Christmas, or the wonder and joy of losing a tooth with a new one coming in, and the gift they receive for being so brave. But we don't put any foundation in the man of Santa Claus, or the personage of the Easter bunny or the Tooth Fairy. We make certain to share the joy of Christmas with Jesus' birth, the celebration of Easter with His death and resurrection, and balance it all out with the fun of every special occasion. But my daughter (and soon my son) knows the gifts come from people and the treats for losing a tooth come from Mom and Dad.

Hasn't changed her enjoyment or amazement in any way. If anything, it's enhanced, because she can be involved in it all. It's a win-win situation!

Megan - posted on 07/03/2012

MeMe, you should check again. :)

Megan - posted on 07/03/2012

My kids never have believed in any of that kind of thing. We teach them that it's a fun game, pretend, make-believe, but they always know the true meaning of any season. I do try to teach them all that other parents play the game differently, and that if any of their friends actually believe in such things, to not correct them, but let them believe how they were taught. Hopefully it works sometimes, but I'm sure my kids have dashed the dreams of some children.