When is it ok for children to stop believing in Santa and The Tooth Fairy?

Gina - posted on 07/01/2012

I am 29 years old with 3 children and I still get presents "From Santa Claus". My 10 year old is starting to have doubts but I told him it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. He wrote a letter to Santa asking for me to have a new laptop for Christmas (which I definitely did not get) and in March I entered in a free drawing at a Chinese Buffet restaurant in a town I NEVER visit and guess what I won?!? A FREE dell 15.6" laptop w integrated wifi and a webcam......amazing laptop, right?!?! I love you Santa!! Thanks for bringing my gift, better late than never. You know what my son said as soon as I told him(Forgetting about his letter by then)....He said, I knew Santa was real and I agreed with him :)

Sheila - posted on 07/01/2012

my kids are 13 and 11 the 13 yr old asked about santa to which we responded that the spirit of chirstmas lives on not matter what - he hasn't said a word to his sister and looks for his santa gifts. He just put his teeth under his pillow for the tooth fairy this last week so I think when they stop on their own or ask you can say its the spirit and if you stop believing then the spirit is lost. Let them believe as long as they can!

Teryl - posted on 07/01/2012

No I don't think u r wrong, I have a 4 year old and I am just waiting for that Big Question too. She has 2 older teenager sisters I am afraid will let it out one day soon and I'm not ready to explain cause she will only ask why. I think it is exciting to see her on Christmas morning. I know she is still young but last year she still wasn't sure of sitting on Santa's lap.

Jessica - posted on 07/01/2012

When my son realized there wasn't a Santa he wasn't crushed, and children don't always see it as lying if you are giving them something to believe in. He keeps his brother from finding out because it is like a challenge. My son Realized that rather than put focus on myself for giving him gifts, I wanted to see him smile. Focusing on the true meaning of Christmas and putting Santa as a small part is giving them a sense of wonder at happiness that there are things that they may not be able to see yet those things can exist. It is oo soon that children begin to question such things and become jaded by many dark realities of this world that they are unable to use their imaginations to create a better tomorrow for others. Your degrading comments towards this mother and how she deals with her Own children is disappointing, this is supposed to be a place to turn for advice and encouragement in dealing with issues, not to make so
Done feel bad because they may not see things the same way that you do. God did not put us here to Judge each other, only He is the true judge of what is in our hearts, so ease consider that when talking to others.

Caroline - posted on 07/01/2012

No, you are not wrong. There are so many things out there that take away from the magic of childhood and I am a firm believer that the dreams and fantasies of childhood fuel the dreams and aspirations of our lives. Let them dream...

Keri - posted on 07/01/2012

Let them believe as long as they want. My husband claims he had it "figured out" by about age 7 or 8 as well. My parents fostered the believe in my brother and I until I was about 12. My dad went to great lenths that year to keep the myth of Santa/Father Christmas alive - to the point he ate the cookies, drank the milk and snapped the carrot into two pieces and scattered one towards the back of the driveway and one towards the front of the driveway (as if they were dropped as the reindeer ate them from the roof). I can't say how long my brother actually believed as he never told me, but it's a good story to hold on to. I say let her figure it out for herself. This is also a good lesson for her in standing up for her beliefs (complex for a kid of 7, but the best lessons are learned subconsciously, I think).

Marnie - posted on 07/01/2012

I tell my kids that as long as you believe Santa will come......

Jessica - posted on 07/01/2012

Wow, the lady that said please enjoy dealing with lying to your kids is WAAAYYY judgmental! Don't let anyone make you feel bad for how you raise your kids! That type of judgement is what makes people feel about about personal punishment choices and let's kids run wild without discipline. My youngest doesn't know even though my oldest does and he was not angry thinking that I had Lied to him, he appreciated the fact that I wanted to make the holiday special for him by giving without getting the recognition!

Bernadette - posted on 07/01/2012

The movie "Polar Express" is a great way to allow your kids to believe in it for a bit longer, and explain why other kids don't get presents from Santa. If you haven't seen it, in this movie Santa only comes to the kids who believe. One of my husband's ex-work colleagues and his wife had to go through this situation (mine are only 1 and 3, it hasn't come up yet for me so just going off the advice of others) because their kids were going to a private religious school, and one of the preschool kids asked the teacher whether Santa was real or not. So she sat down the whole class of preschoolers, and told them that no, Santa wasn't real. Needless to say, she was confronted by a lot of angry parents, who were mad because she had taken the decision away from them to allow their kids to believe in a little bit of magic. She said that, according to her religion, they don't believe in "lying" to kids and have to be honest about everything. I don't agree with that, and neither did this couple (their kids now attend a different school). You don't have to lie to them. If you feel it's lying, and you don't believe in doing that (and it's not your place to break this crushing news) then simply don't answer! "That's a question to ask your mum and dad" would have sufficed. She wouldn't have had to lie, and certainly didn't need to tell the whole class! So these particular parents took their son home and showed him that movie, and explained that that's why some kids believe in Santa, and others don't - and why Santa just doesn't come to the kids who don't.

Nancy - posted on 07/01/2012

Well its a shame that our children have to hear things from their friends, but usually that is how they hear a lot of things, we really dont have a good time frame, each child is different. Once they start asking why Mom and Dad dont buy me any presents,,,, its time.
but you have to tell her the truth once she asks you !

Pat - posted on 07/01/2012

When I ran an in home day care that subject came up. So I explained the spirit of giving and how it came about. I also stated that if you don't believe in the Spirit of Christmas giving than there are no presents under the tree. I explained how the story of St Nicholas started and how different countries call Santa by different names, the dates of celebrating Christmas and the way it is celebrated.
I also stated that if Nanny Pat (me) believed than it must be someone helping Santa spread the joy and spirit of Christmas.

Cathy - posted on 07/01/2012

NO. Let them believe as long as possible. Kids are only innocent for so long. There are so many challenges as you get older.

Leslie - posted on 07/01/2012

I don't think it is wrong. My eldest child is six yrs and she is starting to wonder what is real and what is make believe. When she asked me outright I always turn the question around back to her....what do you think ? She always says that she believes and my husband and I just get that much more creative when planning the tooth fairy and Snata stuff.Why can't they be innocent as long as possible.

Patti - posted on 07/01/2012

My Daughter is 12 and still believes.. I have tried to leave hints but... she has not picked up on them.. my 14 year old does know but will never tell her sister which I love.. Let them believe for as long as they want. In our house though... Santa leaves on unwrapped gift under the tree and then all the stuff in the stocking is from Santa as well unless it is wrapped then it is from the parents. so... it really helps with all the wrapping and such... Also I am very picky about gifts to give to my kids . If it has a barcode or price on the packaging.. I just remove all of that packaging if it has a barcode or something right on the gift i do not buy it.. because the elves have made them. lol Last year I started leaving that information on the gifts and she did not pay any attention.. or if she did she would never say that she didn't believe.. she did put up a fight with the kids at school over Santa. she won once she brought a picture of Santa in our house.. Let her believe.. wait until she questions it. then if she does not believe.. Santa will not bring gifts anymore. So... they will always say they believe everyone wants a gift from Santa. lol to keep it going longer.. try this... http://www.capturethemagic.com take the picture of your room with Santas gifts and add a santa bending over dropping them off, leaving, or running across the front yard.. so much fun! :) Good luck..

Michele - posted on 07/01/2012

I think children of all ages should believe in Father Christmas and the tooth fairy. I am still a believer in Father Christmas . Father Christmas is in the heart just like our believe in God so just because we don't see him/her we believe and your child should believe until she is ready to thin other wise.
That is just my opinion
Michele

Ilo - posted on 07/01/2012

Yes, you are wrong to want your daughter to hold onto this "magical" part of their lives. You will now have the pleasure of trying to justify your deception and looking at her crushed face. Please have fun with your daughter in truth and love and try to build her trust in you. The truth of Christmas is the birth of Christ; and the truth of Easter is His resurrection. If you don't want to teach her that, then teach her why you don't.

Kay - posted on 07/01/2012

I think that you should continue your family traditions as you see fit and as long as you and your family are happy, why not? If they ask you directly for the truth then I would tell the truth.

Faye - posted on 07/01/2012

I let my girls continue to believe until they were about 11 but in truth even now at 21 and 25 they still like to believe and play along, so do I for that matter. I like to believe the spirit of Santa and fantasy lives in all of us and it is good for children's imaginations to play along. When they came home saying that other children had told them it was their parents I just said for them it probably was because they didn't believe. :)

Susan - posted on 07/01/2012

We've hit this conversation early as well because the kids have so many friends who are Jewish and they don't receive presents from Santa. My oldest has informed me that kids openly discuss that there is no Santa in 3rd grade. I've asked her and her 8 year old sister not to tell their 5 year old brother only because the "magic" of Christmas morning is so special. It's not wrong to want to hold onto innocence but at this point, you can expect that she will hear this new from several friends.

Karena - posted on 07/01/2012

No! Let them believe!

Jessica - posted on 07/01/2012

We do Santa, but it is the minimal part of Christmas because we prefer to celebrate the true reason of Christmas, Jesus. We emphasize the importance of family and getting together!

Jessica - posted on 07/01/2012

We do Santa, but it is the minimal part of Christmas because we prefer to celebrate the true reason of Christmas, Jesus. We emphasize the importance of family and getting together!

Robyn - posted on 07/01/2012

Yes! Read the Yes, VIrginia there is a santa clause piece. It's a wonderful take on the larger issue and is part of what inspired me with my approach to it with my kids.

Alison - posted on 07/01/2012

I'm shocked when I hear 6 and 8 year olds questioning the magical of father Christmas and such like. My son was easily into double figures age wise when he realized the truth. Even now at 14 years old I tell him to be good near to the holiday period or else Santa won't come. He thinks its funny now and the response I get is “aww mom” but I know he appreciated us keeping the magic alive. The same applies to the tooth fairy and the easter bunny too. My advice is kids grow up too fast nowadays so I'd keep the magic going for as long as possible. My son still loves to watch all the Christmas holiday movies and I believe its because he still loves the magic of Christmas [but he won't be admitting that to me or his friends] xoxo

Kristi - posted on 07/01/2012

If only childhood beliefs could last longer than first grade these days! Kids are growing up too fast in a world full of kids who aren't nice and adults who don't have the time of day to correct bad behavior. With that said, when my oldest son was 7, a not so lovely child on the bus told him that he was going to shoot Santa and Mrs. Claus and told my son they weren't real. My son also stood up for his beliefs but came home and talked to me. We had a serious discussion about the way Christmas works in our house and how he needs to play along for the sake of his younger brothers. He's now 13 and will occasionally make comments to me privately during the holiday season to which I always respond, "If you don't believe, you don't receive." I have only confirmed the truth one time and will never have that discussion with my oldest son again..

Janzell - posted on 07/01/2012

my daughter is 10 and son is 8, the question has come up a few times due to friends saying things but i just always say to my children "do you believe in them?" and when they answer yes i say thats all that matters. every child should be a child for as long as possible and i believe this is a big part of being a child. my kids ask if i believe in them too and i reply yes.it would be silly of me to say that i dont. i think deep down my son knows but he never says anything as i also have a younger son

Kim - posted on 07/01/2012

It is completely up to you as the parent if you want your daughter to continue to believe in these mythical creatures. There is nothing wrong with it. However, I never told my children about santa, tooth fairy, or any of the others. They learned about it at school and when I told them that mommy and daddy are the ones that work hard to buy them the things that they wanted they were okay with it. My oungest children still create a list and put their teeth under the pillow. We just don't make that big of a deal about it.

Joleen - posted on 07/01/2012

I told my children the story of Saint Nick and what he did for the children of his time. That he is the real Santa Claus but he has many helpers to be able to keep all the children happy and that is why children all over the world get presents in such a short time frame. I however did not tell my children that I and there dad were some of those helpers :)

Malika - posted on 07/01/2012

my children ages 18 and 14 have known since they both were like 7 and 8 that there is no such thing as the tooth fairy and santa clause. i kept it real with mine.

Susan - posted on 07/01/2012

My grandchildren still believe in Santa and even the Easter Bunny. They are a little older than your daughter. I think you are right. I think when the holidays come around, the glow in the childrens eyes is enough to keep letting them believe.

Cindy - posted on 07/01/2012

Yes, it is an individual thing within every family. My older brother told me the truth when I was about 6. What he was saying made sense, but I couldn't comprehend how if my brother was right then that meant my parents lied to me. I was crushed! Not that Santa wasn't real, but at the fact that my parents lied to me. That was more devastating than anything. I just couldn't understand why they would tell me something that wasn't true. Thankfully my older sister was patient with me when I questioned her about just about everything else in life.

My oldest started questioning me when she was in first grade. I just asked her what she thought. It was so funny because she had a conversation, mostly with herself, out loud. She was talking about how this makes sense and that makes sense and after about a couple reasons why Santa wasn't real, she exclaimed, "He is just a lie!" Then she added she was so glad because she never liked the idea of some strange guy sneaking into our house while we were sleeping! I laughed out loud. It was too funny for me! Also thought it was incredible that she thought it was lying also. That's why when she first asked, I did not straight out lie to her to keep her believing.

Malinda - posted on 07/01/2012

Each child is different. It is individual and only you and your child know that answer.

Aimee - posted on 07/01/2012

I have a now 22 yr old son who I think secretly still believes in Santa!! When he was about 9 we went to his school for a christmas bazaar and dinner. Santa was there taking pics w the kids. I asked him if he was going to get his pic taken with Santa and he laughed and said, "No way Mom Im too old for Santa!" Well in about 5 minutes he comes running back to me asking me for money I ask him for what and he says, "A picture w Santa!" I said,"why did you change your mind?" He said,"I walked by the stage and Santa said Joey how are you doing!, How does he know my name?!?!" Here it was a man we knew for years. That was a precious moment that to this day brings tears to my eyes!!
So my answer is hold onto the tooth fairy, eater bunny, santa and whatever else keeps them young!!

Karen - posted on 07/01/2012

I think children should believe until they are ready not to. I have two girls...6 and 7 ...and they believe. We go so far as not decorating our tree until they go to bed on Christmas Eve...so the first time they see the tree, it is filled with gifts and the magic of the holiday. (My parents did the same for my siblings and I growing up.) They have classmates who have told them that their mom and dad buy gifts for them, and their answer is the same all the time..."They have to buy gifts for you because you don't believe and they don't want you to be sad. If you believed, Santa would bring them instead of them!". I agree with so many other of the posts...childhood is brief and there is a rough, harsh world where there is no such thing as magic and the innocence of childhood dreams...let them believe and enjoy that magic while they can.

Malinda - posted on 07/01/2012

yes, Victoria the is a Santa Claus! Read her the famous letter from the New York Sun in 1867! It is beautifully written!

Leanne - posted on 07/01/2012

my youngest daughter will be 12 soon and still believes...She has never asked! Maybe because we homeschool but she has loads of friends who could easily spill the beans and haven't. With my older daughter now 18 she just kind of worked it our herself around 12 but still loves to keep it going for her sister...Keep the magic going I say...there is so much in this world that is not magical !

Jane - posted on 07/01/2012

I suspect my children (who are 12) no longer believe, and when the conversation comes up I ask them what do they believe in their heart? My daughter replied that whatt your heart feels is what is true. Tooth Fairy? Not so much because she has had a time remembering to leave something under the pillow. It's still fun to give them money for the teeth however!

Leslie - posted on 07/01/2012

I don't think you are wrong. My son is 6 1/2 and i would like it if he could hold on to that magic and innocence a lttle longer. I was 6 when a boy and girl in my first grade class took it upon themselves to set me straight. I asked my mother about Santa Clause and she told me the truth and right after I said "But the tooth fairy and easter bunny are real, right?" Anyway I think you are right. You can also say, "If you don't believe you don't recieve" ;-)

Vicky - posted on 07/01/2012

I love the thought of kids gettin excited bout father xmas ect, I get just as excited as my lil boy when christams is on its way, n I love him face 2 cum in n father xmas has been left presents n ate cookie ect, I want the magic 2 stay 4 eva n ill do my part every year 2 make it magic 4 him......b4 I moved out my mums house at 16 she still left me a stocking! N I wouldent b 2 happy if another child told mine they wernt real, so keep it going as long as u want.......xmas is so boring with out the magic :)

Kath - posted on 07/01/2012

My boys are 10, 13, and almost 16 -- I'm pretty sure they all still believe in Santa. So do I. Through the years, whenever they would ask about his existence, I would always respond, "what do YOU think?" And then I heard and acknowledged their answer, whatever it was. Whether they believe in "Santa", or simply the magic of the season is not the point -- it's that they believe in something..

Robyn - posted on 07/01/2012

An approach I took as my girls now 12 started to question was to take the "helpers" idea and expand it out. The "Santa"s at the mall were explained to be "helpers" to the real Santa early on (there are two in one mall here you have so say something even when they are very young about something so silly. I expanded it when they started to question and talked about the "Santa spirit" being like the "spirit of Christmas" and a "christ-like spirit" and explained that sometimes I and their dad help Santa. Just as we all have to let the christ spirit into our hearts and help the needy and unfortunate, feed the poor, and help the sick in christ's name etc. ... Sometimes adults, and older children (hint, hint, hint - you can join the game on the Santa side now) can help the Santa spirit be more alive the world at Christmas time by giving gifts anonymously and saying Santa did it! It seems to have helped them connect the real meaning of the season to all the gifts and keep some of the magic in it as there is a magic feeling that grows in one as they join the game and give gifts without asking for anything even a "thank you" in return.

Lisa Marie - posted on 07/01/2012

WHAT! At 6 & 7 no. Childhood only last a few years, your a grown up forever. Children should be able to enjoy all of those things for as long as they can, Father Christmas, the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy etc. BRAVO for your daughter who stood up for what she believes and holds dear in her heart. It's always some other child that breaks the "spell" because some other child did it to them. To be disillusioned at such a young age is so sad. It's too bad that the 8 year old thinks that she has it all figured out, and I feel bad for her parents to. Children today grow up WAY TO FAST, they are in such a hurry to be big and when they get there they wish they could be young again. So no I do not think you are wrong. And for your daughter to stand up for herself and her beliefs shows that you have done a great job Mom, good for you!

Jennett - posted on 07/01/2012

Children should be allowed to believe for as long as they wish, unless the parent feels it necessary to reveal the "secret" sooner. I believed until I was ten, and probably would have continued if it weren't for my older brothers who were 13 and 15. At Christmas time that year we were left at home one day while our parents were at the grocery store. My brothers took me to my parents' room and opened the closet to reveal all of the "Santa" gifts (our mother always wrapped and displayed the gifts from her and our father, but the Santa gifts magically appeared on Christmas morning). I remember how crushed I felt and, then, guilty on Christmas morning when, indeed, there were the Santa gifts under the tree that had been hiding in the closet. I was angry with my brothers for spoiling the magic for me and Christmas was never the same after that.

Siobhan - posted on 07/01/2012

I have custody of my grandchildren ages 8 and 9 they have asked me if he is real as someone said he wasnt .. I think they have to face reality soon enough a little bit of Magic to believe in is no bad thing. My answer to them was well it would mean that it is me that is buying all your presents ..do you think I could afford to do that and they both said .. no way .. ofcourse he is real .. maybe some parents buy the kids extra presents cus they can afford it and my answer was maybe that is so ... whatever it is someone must love all these kids to give them a christmas that is magical and I believe in Santa and always will ..they went off with contented smiles and that is good enough for me :):) xxx

Vicky - posted on 07/01/2012

Well, we were so pleased and proud this weekend when my daughter received an award in the post for a riddle she had written about.......... The Tooth Fairy!!!! Her riddle is to be published, along with many other young writer's works in a new book that will be distributed across the libraries and book shops in the UK.
It seems that the magic is still there for her - a fact I am very happy about, as I agree with the majority of you that it is important to keep the magic for as long as you can, as every child deserves magic in their childhood!!

Nicola - posted on 07/01/2012

I feel that as long as a child wishes to believe then it's ok but as a parent I feel that you should speak to the parents of the 8 yr old and explain to them that she has just tried to ruin christmas and the belife that santa is realfor your daughter and an even younger child ask them how they would have felt if this had happened to her because they could be of the same opinion as the child. We always told our kids that mom and dad sent the money to santa for their gifts so that they understood why we bought some gifts and didn't leave it all to santa

Caroline - posted on 07/01/2012

my son is 7 will be 8 in october and he still believes in father christmas and the tooth fairy.You are not wrong in wanting her to still believe in them as she is only young once.My son puts his santa sign outside and also the reindeer food with magic glitter in it so they can see our house and he also believes in the easter bunny.

Carole - posted on 07/01/2012

i never believed in santa even as a little kid. i remember when my parents had transformed the livingroom over night and i saw the cards on the presents signed 'santa', i recongnized my mom's handwriting... but i thought it was so cute of her so i went along with it. she never had to confess 'cause i never asked her. im raising my own kid without any santa clause. there are other sources for magic and imagination. i just think the whole santa lie is insidious when good boys and girls are starving.

Jo - posted on 07/01/2012

my mum always said, "if you don't believe in santa, he's not going to come, is he?". A school friend told me, my next sister figured it out and the youngest believed for longer than anyone thought she should! There's nothing wrong with being a kid :)

Vicky - posted on 06/30/2012

My Mom told me about who Santa was in our family (my parents) when I was 9. Yes, I remember how old I was because it was crushing - the worst Christmas ever for me. But I had to continue acting as-if for my younger sister (5 years younger.) That really helped me realize the TRUE meaning of Christmas ('tis better to GIVE than to receive!) My daughter is 6, and I will continue the "magic" for her as long as possible :) It's really your choice if you tell, or let them figure it out for themselves :) Good Luck!! ♥