When to Leave Them Alone?

Lydia - posted on 11/02/2009

There is no right or wrong to this - its all about what you are most comfortable with. If I was going to be out of the room for a few seconds then I would leave her (my thoughts were it is a good way for her to learn that Mummy always comes back) but any longer than that I would take her with me just because I didnt like listening to her crying and that was easier for me. For me that worked - she has clingy times but for the most part she is a confident and independant baby. Like I say - do whatever you are most comfortable with with your child :)

Crystal - posted on 11/02/2009

It is separation anxiety and is totally normal, in fact peaks around 4-6 months. If you are just leaving the room, make sure you are telling her when you get back into the room that Mommy might leave but she always comes back. If you are leaving her with a sitter, tell her ahead of time that Mommy is going out and will be back (even though she is only 4 months old she will hear the reassurance in your voice)

Rebecca - posted on 11/02/2009

My son was the same way at this age. We would leave him. I personally believe it helps them learn faster to gain movement to want to be where yuo are. If you are always with them and carry them everywhere they will never learn to be mobile. My husband had a hard time with this as he was home and i went back to work and our son didn't end up moving until 9 months old becuase he ould never let me play on the floor or leave him alone. I do the opposite for our 3.5 month old daughter and she is already starting to move around a lot. She will out grow the crying, just give her some time. Once she realizes that she wont get picked up she'll stop. It might take a few days but don't give in or she will continue.

Good luck:)

Connie - posted on 11/02/2009

Well she is still young. It will go away , but I can't tell you when. I don't know abut being good for a baby or not. There are times when you do have to leave as in if you have to go to the bathroom. THis is also normal I think for babies to do this. Don't beat yourself up. There seems to be a lot more terms theses days that to me is confusing. But you are gonna be ok momma. I understand how you feel guilty and all. BUt she will be ok, if she cries and it's not like for a long time. Also babies can feel if you are anxious, so take a deep breath, say I will be right back and when you come back say hi .

Jena - posted on 11/02/2009

Play Peek aboo with her this will teach her object permanence it will not hurt her to cry for a few minutes just don't leave her for too long. Try talking to her from the other room this will help her understand you are not gone other wise try distracting her first with something that moves like a battery operated mobile face her away from the doorway distract her first and keep talking as you leave the room this is a phase and she will out grow it.

Sarah - posted on 11/02/2009

Google Attachment Parenting and Baby-wearing for an alternative approach.

Stina - posted on 11/02/2009

definitely start with short periods. When my first baby went through this phase, I would play with them for a little while- and then go do something, then return. It helps if you can keep her close while you go about your buisness- a bouncy seat on the floor of the kitchen while you do dishes- or next to the couch while you fold laundry.

Eventually, she'll learn that just because she can't see you doesn't mean you are gone- untill then, if it helps you get things done, wear her. I have a Moby wrap that I'm very fond of because it distributes the weight very well- my 6 mo is 17 pounds and I wear her in it a few hours a day.

I found my second baby didn't go through this phase as severely- because she liked to watch her brother playing... My third hasn't gone through a phase like this yet... although she does fuss if she's in her bouncy chair and everyone leaves the room. Babies just don't like to be alone for long.

Connie - posted on 11/02/2009

she is not old enough to understand yet that things that go away come back, be patient.make it a point to leave the room and then after a few minutes come back after a time she will begin to understand and it will help both of you.

Tiffany - posted on 11/02/2009

It is hard to leve when our babies cry, but it is good. Would u rather her get over it now at 4 months when she is less attached and it won't be as traumatic, or when she a year and call yell and call at to you and isn't used to anyone else. It is GOOD for our children to feel comfortable with people other than their mother. It is good for you too.

Sheri - posted on 11/02/2009

I agree, this is a phase that all securely attached children go through at some point. You can start by leaving her alone for very short periods of time (like whatever she can handle), and then gradually increasing the time away from her. The important thing is to be able to comfort her when you return. Over time, she will begin to realize that when you do leave her, you will come back. This may take a while, but she will be able to work through it. And, as someone mentioned, at some point she will start walking and may follow you around anyway!

Adrean - posted on 11/02/2009

I don't agree with the ' if she doesn't cry it out now she will never get over separation anxiety'. All babies and kids go through this at one extreme or another. If you are not comfortable leaving her crying as you walk out of a room, don't do it. True, she is OK but she is developing her security; crying means ' I need you/I'm scared/I'm unsure' at this age. Something I did with my babies: I spoke to them in soft or cheerful tones while I walked out of the room for a few seconds and continued to speak in the same tones as I walked back in the room. Try it sporadically over a few days if you want to see how it works. Eventually, mine were OK while I put clothes in the washer or got a drink and then were OK for longer periods of time. If you are like me, you are happy if they are happy ( while they are babies anyway). She will grow out of it. Best of luck!!!

Alison - posted on 11/02/2009

Yes, at some point she will learn to walk and then she can just follow you around! - that is what my 18 month old likes to do.



At this point it is ok for her to cry for short periods of time. I like to say to my girls, "I'll be right back", and over time, they figure out just what that means and they don't feel like you just disappear sometimes.



Ultimately, you should do what you feel comfortable with.

Melissa - posted on 11/02/2009

She will befine if you let her cry while you go into another room. She is just feeling a little anxiety because she is learning about seperation. My sister-in-law's son (almost 2) has a big problem with this because she never left him alone. He screams bloody murder when she leaves the room. He is always trying to crawl up her and will not let anyone hold him when she is around. This will happen if you don' let her be alone. I agree with Lisa, you need to give her a distraction and then go do what you need to. It's okay to let her cry. She's not hungry or hurt, sh ewill be ok. Good luck.

Rebecca - posted on 11/02/2009

It will go away that I can promise, honestly if you can comfort her or come back as soon as you can that will help then she will know you are coming back. My little one went through that too for about a month to a month and a half, it will get better and if you do console them they will grow confident in knowing you will be there, especially at 4 and a half months, they can't do things intentionally yet so she's honestly in distress

Lisa - posted on 11/02/2009

its probably good to get her used to being alone for a short period, wheather you have to do laundry or whatever. Easiest way is to create a distraction for her. If not she will continue to get used to having you around and this can cause problems for you later if you leave her with a sitter ect