When to let your baby 'cry it out'??

Angie - posted on 03/20/2009

I believe in the cry it out approach.  A baby has to learn how to soothe themselves, and they are able to learn, beginning at four months.  If you read the book "The Sleepeasy Solution" it is amazing!!  It not only tells you what to do step by step, but also tells you why your baby is crying and how to handle different situations, such as teething.  You are going to get a lot of people telling you something different, because this is a really touchy subject!!  I just recently went through this about a week ago.  My daughter is five months next week - so if you need someone to just talk to, email me!!  :)

Ellen - posted on 03/20/2009

I have 5 children My eldest is now 18 years. He was the one we made all the mistakes with.We cuddled him till he fell to sleep. He became used to this and we as parents got no free time he also became very clingy we managed to break this habit when he was 4 years old.

To be honest a little crying is normal however if you find you cant leave try putting a radio on quite low for back ground noise you could even leave kiddie story learning tapes playing with that education is a plus and he would be learning subconciously

Like with the advice you have already been given This is your child and everyone has a way that works it just your choice. Motherhood has no rules to run by just helpful advice.

Sinead - posted on 03/20/2009

I totally agree with first 2 posts from Michelle & Rachel. I have 2 sons, first one is a great sleeper in general but the odd time we had problems with crying, we did the 5 minute/10 minute thing and he cried for 20 mins the first night, 10 the second and then went back to sleeping through. Every parent is different but my feeling is that it's better for both baby and parent for their to be a good routine & Rachel is so right in saying that they need to learn to fall asleep on their own. Our second son cries a lot more than his brother but once we follow the above it gets him into good routine.

Emily - posted on 03/18/2009

Some babies just cry. He is too young to be left alone to cry though. Even the most fanatical "cry it out" advocates like Ezzo admit that it shouldn't be done with a baby younger than 6 mos. Only if you feel so stressed out by his crying that you feel you might hurt him, hurt yourself, or absolutely explode should you leave him alone. Crying in arms is often a theraputic experience for young babies who have been through a lot in their short lives.

Mel - posted on 03/18/2009

Quoting Vicky:

Is it not a tough question to ask. So many people with so many answers. I believe that a baby needs his mom. He has spent 9 months attached to you and felt so secure. Now he/she has been taken away from you and needs to have that reassurance again. I had a child (have 3) that was constantly crying for 24hrs a day (severe colic) and not once did i leave him to cry. If you are feeling sad and upset your natural instict is to want someone to just hold you and reassure you (right?). then why should it be diffirent for your baby. yes it can be very tiring, I just made sure that at a certain time of the day I would spend alot of time stimulating him (not before bed though) and kept a strict schedule. when he cries and you feel very tired and at your wits end try to make yourself feel better by just holding him, singing to him and eventually he will stop crying. Pasience my dear is all that it is. Your baby will eventually grow out of it and you won't feel so guilty for leaving him. Yes one does it is natural.

Good on you Vicky that must have been very difficult and stressful. Im currently a mother of 1 but I want 3 kids and I honestly dont think i could handle a collicky child as my mother couldnt handle me when I had these issues. you should be very proud.

DaNita - posted on 03/17/2009

Do what your gut says!!!!!!!!!!! you are mom and know your baby better than anyone.

Having said that, I did need to let my oldest spend time by himself. he would cry no matter what i did. I felt guilty but after 4 months i could not haddle it any longer. i put him down for a nap and he'd cry a little, then sleep, then wake up and play. I learned the hard way that he needed time alone. he is 16 now and still needs that alone time.

one the other hand, my next 3 didnt need alone time. they would cry to cry. i learned that sometimes i needed the time away from them. when it gets too much dont feel bad and ask for help. 99% of the time you can do it yourself but that 1% you need help.... ASK!!!!

Vicky - posted on 03/17/2009

Is it not a tough question to ask. So many people with so many answers. I believe that a baby needs his mom. He has spent 9 months attached to you and felt so secure. Now he/she has been taken away from you and needs to have that reassurance again. I had a child (have 3) that was constantly crying for 24hrs a day (severe colic) and not once did i leave him to cry. If you are feeling sad and upset your natural instict is to want someone to just hold you and reassure you (right?). then why should it be diffirent for your baby. yes it can be very tiring, I just made sure that at a certain time of the day I would spend alot of time stimulating him (not before bed though) and kept a strict schedule. when he cries and you feel very tired and at your wits end try to make yourself feel better by just holding him, singing to him and eventually he will stop crying. Pasience my dear is all that it is. Your baby will eventually grow out of it and you won't feel so guilty for leaving him. Yes one does it is natural.

Mel - posted on 03/17/2009

Monica, i know it is so hard altho my girl is 11 months now I remember it. You said hes not in pain or anything and he is not screaming just crying it is ok to do so. Or try the technique I was told leave him in his cot for 5 mins then pick him up, dont say anything just give him a cuddle then put him down again. then repeat every 10 mins. eventually he will go to sleep and if you repeat this for a week or two (i know its a long time) he will learn to stop doing this and that he will get the attention when he really needs it. My girl sometimes cries for an hr and half now before she falls asleep and yes it does make you angry yo just want to block it out. unfortunately this is the best way to leave him cry as long as hes not hurting himself or upsetting himself to much! my daughter would cry til she threw up

Sarah - posted on 03/17/2009

I don't agree with CIO, but if you're going to do it PLEASE do some research - legit, not on the internet, research and talk to your pedi about it. Also, it is NOT recommended to start CIO before your baby is 6 months.

Katie - posted on 03/17/2009

you start to understand your baby's cry...."i'm hungry" cry or "I just pooped" cry.....if it is a full fledged outburst i am very sad cry....pick him up.....i think that letting your baby cry is way over rated only because if he really needs you and you don't go to him.....then he might slowly not to trust you (worst case scenario) but you get the point...good luck

Leah - posted on 03/13/2009

When my son doesn't want to go to sleep and does the crying we put him in a carrier. He almost always needed to be taken outside. I think he just needed a change. If it was cold outside I would grab a bunch of blankets and head out. He is almost a year now and puts himself to sleep. I am not a let them cry it out kind of person. Some people told me I am spoiling him but hey, at 4 months or earlier or a little later even they may just need some personal mom time.
I started asking him at 9 months if he wanted to be rock or go right in the crib. He usually goes right in the crib and puts himself to sleep but hey it's his choice and he hardly cries for help. (that was for future reference.) Every kid is different follow what you want to do and watch how your baby reacts. We had some trial and error but he survived and is a really happy kid. By the way, is it only when you lay him down or just a general fuss? Maybe there is something else. Ear infections, Acid reflux? I am sure you looked into those but that was my only other thought! Good luck!

Sara - posted on 03/12/2009

Quoting Christine:

Have you read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth, MD? I found it to be very helpful when I was trying to sort out my little guy's sleep habits a couple of months ago. He has been "sleeping through the night" for about 3 months now with only occasional issues. Initially that sleeping through the night was a 5 hour stretch, but he is now sleeping 10-12 hours without interruption now and is napping quite well in the day.

I read this book too and thought it was very informative and helpful, I would recommend it!

Christine - posted on 03/12/2009

Have you read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth, MD? I found it to be very helpful when I was trying to sort out my little guy's sleep habits a couple of months ago. He has been "sleeping through the night" for about 3 months now with only occasional issues. Initially that sleeping through the night was a 5 hour stretch, but he is now sleeping 10-12 hours without interruption now and is napping quite well in the day.

Bailey - posted on 03/12/2009

That age is hard to tell and we had the same problem with my daughter. The best advice I can give you is this. If you are BOTH happy when you are holding him than keep it up a little longer, but I would definitely choose the cry it out approach within a couple months. When you do choose to do it make sure that you are consistent, your son will adjust and begin to fall asleep and his own. But also make sure that all other caregivers are taking the same approach too or it will only make things harder if a Grandma or something still wants to rock and cuddle him to sleep. Also if it is too hard for you to hear him cry, get out of earshot or turn up the tv for a few mins. When I went in to check on mine she would always scream even louder but we were just consistent and try to give a pacifier and would keep it up.

Tanya - posted on 03/12/2009

Quoting Barbara:

I am one of those mothers who feel like letting your baby cry is totally wrong, and I have found ways around it.  The one thing that I discovered that works more than anything else is holding my son in a sling or carrier while I get up and do something.  Babies are like little sponges, they always want to be learning something, and the thing they find most interesting is other people and what they do.  So strap him on and tackle the laundry or walk to the store, and watch how quickly he quiets down.  It's magic!

I totally agree. There is no way that your 4 month old is manipulating you. I held all 3 of mine, and they are all great kids...well adjusted and independent. I heard something once that I will never forget....

If something feels wrong to you, then it is the wrong thing to do - for you. No one can tell you what the right way is for you to raise your baby

I had 1 very colicky baby, and had to hold him ALL the time. And believe me, I know how frustrating it can be. I found that as long as he was in the same room with me, that helped alot. I got to the point where I would put him in his car seat/stroller combo, and bring him in the kitchen while I did the dishes, or cooking. I also discovered that white noise worked wonders. Sometimes I would just turn on the fan above the stove and hold him in the kitchen until he calmed down.

Take care, and remind yourself constantly "this too shall pass" It won't last forever.

Barbara - posted on 03/11/2009

I am one of those mothers who feel like letting your baby cry is totally wrong, and I have found ways around it.  The one thing that I discovered that works more than anything else is holding my son in a sling or carrier while I get up and do something.  Babies are like little sponges, they always want to be learning something, and the thing they find most interesting is other people and what they do.  So strap him on and tackle the laundry or walk to the store, and watch how quickly he quiets down.  It's magic!

Rachel - posted on 03/11/2009

You are always going to get mixed messages about letting your baby cry. Some mothers wouldn't think of it and many would agrue with my advice. But I tell you what...I have three girls and all three have slept thru the night since about 4 weeks old and never have had an issue. Here's what I think...first...keep a strict schedule and don't worry about noise...your child must learn to sleep in all circumstances...not just when it is quite. Second don't bring you children to bed with you...don't lay down with them or hold them until they fall asleep. They must learn to fall asleep on their own! If your child is fed and dry and clean and is not sick then I agree with Michelle...you pat their back and let them hear your voice so they know you are there and then you leave. Wait about 5 minutes and do the same...then 10 etc. Hearing your voice and knowing you are there is comfort enough for your child....but if you pick them up each and every time they cry, they will learn to cry to get what they want...not just what they need! Lastly...you are the Mom and you know your baby better then anyone so don't let other people tell you you are wrong!!!

Michelle - posted on 03/11/2009

Is he only crying when you put him down to sleep, or other times to? If it is at naptime, my advice is to let him cry for 5 min, go in and reassure him that you are still there but don't pick him up. Just talk to him for a minute and maybe rub his back. Then leave the room for 10 min. before going back in. the next time wait for 15 min. Each time after that you only wait for 15 min.I know this is really hard, but it will not hurt your baby, it will help him learn to calm himself down without your help, which is actually really good for him.  We did this with the twins, and it worked after just a few attempts. Do not feel guilty! You can't be there every second, so he needs to be able to comfort himself. Hope this is helpful.