where are the older moms with kids of 20yrs?

Ansie - posted on 04/01/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Are there not a cicle for the older community Moms? How do you help your 21yr old to stop drinking alcohol?

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Ansie - posted on 04/02/2009

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Thanks for all the advise.  My son started as an appy at a mine, four years ago and qualified as a boilermaker.  He stays 400km away from us.  We always had good relation ship.  But he is an introvert and speak very little. No problems at home, Christian bringing up, no alcohol either. Friends however ..... When he turned 21, had to much to drink, made car accident, landed in jail. Got suspended sentence with house arrest for 18 mnths.  I took the car away.  One year later, he qualified, I had car fixed, he promised no drinking & driving.  I gave the car again. (he afterall promised and I try to show I wanted to believe him)



He selebrats his quali and went to friends, drunk, made another accident, car wrecked, he back in jail.  I have to pay bail.  Court case pending.  He decides to go for rehab.  i am ver proud of him for making that choice himself.  Now in rehab for 3 weeks.  Hopefully will get his life together.  Courtcase on 28 April.  My nerves are shot.

Matti - posted on 04/01/2009

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I have four older kids ages 26-21.  They have seen what alcohol can do.  All but one has stayed away from it.  My third is my "wild" child.  Hes had one dui.  Hes now going to be a parent and becoming mature.  Hopefully this will keep him at a dull roar.



My other three are Married and settled.  S



Sounds like he is having peer pressure problems.  I have been fortunate that most of my kids have hung around great kids. 



Also we have had religion a main point in our life.  THat could be the reason  too. 

Lisa - posted on 04/01/2009

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I dont know if what I said helped but the thing is sometimes you have to stop being a parent and be a friend. Although I dont agree with everything they say or do I just found that being a friend with my children kept me in the loop of most of their actions. I actually got to the point where I had to tell them not to tell me everything I can not handle it lol. However now if they have a problem or one of their friends have a problem they come and talk to me. Some times by having just a friend and a parent helps them alot. I just remember when I was their age and how I could not talk to my parents so I acted out by drinking. I feel it has made me closer to my children which is a good thing in my eyes , their eyes and I have the respect of their friends.

Lisa - posted on 04/01/2009

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You can not stop them but I found it slowed down when I allowed him to bring his friends home (yes he still lives me but it is a good thing most of the time). I am friends with my son and his friends which earned their respect and what use to be all night binges now ends at about midnight. My son no longer passes out but rather realizes he is tired and just goes to sleep. So although I may not have stopped him from drinking it did slow down alot.

Christine - posted on 04/01/2009

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i wish i knew.  my step-son is in a rehab program---it was that or prison.  my 26 year old has a problem with it---but i'm not sure how much of a problem it is.  my 20 year old has done some drinking---but i don't know how much.       funny thing----we don't drink because it is against our religion, so the boys didn't learn it from us.  we won't even allow them to bring it on our property---even in their vehicle.

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Unfortunately, they have to want to stop. It sucks, but it's true. I have had several alcoholics in the family, married one, and work at a jail - they have to admit it's a problem, want to get help, then you can help. You may want to attend an Alanon meeting. They're very helpful! Good luck!

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