Where to set the boundaries with your 6 year old...?

Mariam - posted on 06/15/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Am a mom of a 9 year old boy and 6 year old girl and recently I have had to speak with my daughter with respect to boys.
Not trying to frighten her or anything like that but cause of the pedophilia strucken men in our society whom by the way you can't recognize by just looking.
I told her not to accept hugs from anyone or even agree to sit on anyone's lap during a Q&A session irrespective of whether the person is family or not.
The thing is am I going too far? Where do I draw the line? How can I set boundaries?
Yesterday we were in the elevator at the cinema and a man that I had never seen before recognized me and the kids from their school and put a hand on her cheek to say hello. I impulsively smacked his hand off..asking him why he would do a thing like that when I don't even know him..I didn't feel bad for doing in but I'd like to know your thoughts. Pls respond.....

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You know, it is a good thing to teach your daughter about physical respect and teaching her that it isn't ok for her to be touched when she's not comfortable with it, but I would not have smacked the man's hand away like that. You don't want to make her so frightened of another person's touch that she will be unable to handle physical contact when she is mature. I don't quite understand not being allowed to sit on the lap of a family member or accept a hug from a family member. If you are close by then what could possible happen? No one is going to molest your child while you are in the room with them, nor are they going to in a room full of people. You would be better to teach her about what sort of contact is acceptable ei: hugs, and what is not acceptable ei: touching private parts. Equip her with knowledge but don't make her fearful of everyone around her. I know it's hard as I also have a daughter, but you will make her a stronger person by teaching her as opposed to keeping her out of reach. Best of luck to you and your little girl.

Stifler's - posted on 06/17/2012

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I dont think am paranoid, the thing is over the last few weeks soo many stories have been surfacing about pedophiles and it worries me..a friend just took her daughter to be checked if she had been molested by an uncle as she had some weird rash around her privates, another story of a woman who caught her husband molesting their 10 month old and stabbed him to death..it's a crazy world out there .

Jodi - posted on 06/16/2012

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I was just clarifying because you didn't mention your 9 year old. Believe me, some people WOULD only do it because one was a girl and the other a boy.

And no, I'm not having a laugh. Statistically, the world is no less safe for our children now than it was 20 years ago. It just seems that way because of our 24/7 access to sensationalised news services.

Jodi - posted on 06/16/2012

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So.....you only educate your 6 year old about no touching and strangers, etc? Not your 9 year old? Because your 9 year old is a boy? It is important to teach BOTH sexes about their bodies and that no-one else should be touching them.

And yeah, I'm going to say it's just a bit paranoid. My daughter is 7 and if she wants to sit on my dad's knee, my husband's knee, my brothers' knees, etc, then she can. Honestly, what do you think is going to happen? It sounds to me like you have some real trust issues if you can't even trust family.

Also, just so you know, that *crazy world* out there is no worse than it ever was.

Dove - posted on 06/16/2012

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Boundaries are a good thing, but from the way you are going about it... It sounds like you are overly paranoid. No hugs from family members even? Wow...

Granted, some dude I don't know touching my kids cheek would make me a bit uncomfortable, but smacking his hand away like he's a child? Yeah.... how about just gently moving your child out of his reach.

Caution and boundaries ARE a very good thing, but paranoia ruins lives.

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Mariam - posted on 06/16/2012

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Off course I'll educate them both are u kidding me... The issue was wif d girl now cause of the kind of person she is. The boy on the other hand is not overly friendly so ud prob not be getting more than a hi from me. I don't distrust family but am not going to play dumb if I have a nudge something is wrong. That said the world is def getting crazier are u having a laugh...

Mariam - posted on 06/16/2012

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I dont think am paranoid, the thing is over the last few weeks soo many stories have been surfacing about pedophiles and it worries me..a friend just took her daughter to be checked if she had been molested by an uncle as she had some weird rash around her privates, another story of a woman who caught her husband molesting their 10 month old and stabbed him to death..it's a crazy world out there but as Sharon suggested teaching our kids how to handle these situations rather than alienating them from people is a better option.

Dove - posted on 06/16/2012

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A 10 year old is not too old to sit on someone's lap... The age in itself doesn't make that inappropriate at all.

Rachel - posted on 06/16/2012

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My step-daughter had to be talked to about sitting on her uncle's lap, it's inappropriate, she's 10. She's too old for that. So I don't think it's going too far to tell her not to sit on people's lap. I wouldn't put up with anyone touching my kids either. My husband has a friend whose daughter is always trying to get into his lap, it's weird. She doesn't have a dad around and her mother always has a string of men around and I worry about her.

Mariam - posted on 06/16/2012

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Thanks sharon very well said... I'd look into all you hav suggested...
I just felt it was rather rude of the dude to start stroking her face ...

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