who do i contact to stop my daughters dad seeing her?

Libby - posted on 12/30/2012 ( 28 moms have responded )

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hi my daughter is 3 and currently having trouble with her sleeping and then bad behavior in the day dut to been tired.my problem is her dad and i arent together havent been for 2 years. he has her when i go to work n my child minder is off, so on friday he had her for the day when she was brought back to me she had a nasty bruise on her arm in the shape of fingers. when i asked her what shed done she said daddy did it dragging her into the living room!!! i have asked him and he said he grabbed her to hard and was putting her in the room for been naughty. when she wouldnt stay on the naughty step he locked her in a room for an hour until she stayed on the naughty step. who shoould i contact to stop him from having un supervised access as i dont want her locked in a room for an hiur everytime shes naughty with him. i told him this want right and he said while shes at his house he will disapline as he sees fit. please help!!

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Dove - posted on 12/30/2012

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CPS and the police. Make a report, document what he said, and photograph the bruising. Any 'discipline' that leaves a bruise is automatically abuse.

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2012

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That's a terrible thing to say. Young parents these days are just as capable as they always were - that's like saying kids these days aren't what they used to be. Totally untrue, and that is an incredibly condescending comment.

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2012

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Well, sue me. I used to let my kids play unsupervised outside in the back yard at that age. Aren't I terrible? But THAT is ALSO a safe environment, and I can hear them, it is fully enclosed, and I just needed to check on them every now and then.

And just for the record, you don't know the whole story either. How do you know he wasn't checking on her? How do you know he wasn't listening? You don't. It is not necessarily neglectful at all, that is merely YOUR opinion. Is it neglectful for me to close MY bedroom door at night while my children slept in their rooms? I can't see them then.........it's EXACTLY the same thing.

Oh, and while we are comparing credentials (totally irrelevant by the way), I have raised 4 children, one into adulthood, and 2 are currently teens. WTF does it have to do with anything?

Evelyn - posted on 12/30/2012

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Call child protective services on him. Tell them the situation. Tell them you found the bruises and your daughter told you it was her father who did this. They will take if from there.

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2012

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No, I think she was trying to include me in her comment about how we, who have older children, raised our kids in different times and knew more about young children.....um, not. But if she was calling me a young mum, I'll take that too ;)

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Mel - posted on 03/29/2013

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"he has her when i go to work n my child minder is off" Sounds like he only gets her when it suits you anyway. Ive no doubt you will be dropping the child of again as soon as it suits you...

Sharon - posted on 12/30/2012

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Call the police now! Let them investigate. Take pictures of the bruises now, too. Bruises like that on a child are totally uncalled for and the authorities need to get involved. Don't try to handle this on your own, please. Leaving bruises like that is not discipline, it's abuse.

Dove - posted on 12/30/2012

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If she complains about him locking her in the room.... the judge will probably just think she's being petty and the REAL abuse will not get looked into enough to protect this child.


Oh come on now, Jodi. She called YOU a young mom. Doesn't that count for something?! lol

Evelyn - posted on 12/30/2012

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We then raised our kids in a different time....most young parents this day and age do not always understand what needs done with young children. I am done with this post. But where I come from this can be considered something to be checked into.

Evelyn - posted on 12/30/2012

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Jodi~~it is neglectful to do that. THe child could get hurt, get into something they do not need to be in, or any other number of things. You do not know which room she was placed in because you were not there. You do not know the whole story and if this woman is scared of what is happening to her child she has the right to have it checked out. I am just saying. I have raised two kids. I have one who is now a mother herself and I have a teen. I have sent them to their rooms but never locked them in it.

Libby - posted on 12/30/2012

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thanks for the advice i guess my problem mainly is the bruises and the face he has her 4 hours a week which this week she spent most of it in a locked room. (the amount of time he has her is his choice)
i will report the bruises so someone has been informed incase it happens again.
it is against my wishes to have her locked in a room but as its not a crime i see your point as there wont do anything about that jodi.

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2012

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And where does the law say that? YOU would never lock a child in a room. I have shut my child in a room and held the door shut, is that neglectful too? If it is a safe environment, there is NOTHING wrong with it. However, there is nothing abusive or neglectful about it. Just because you think it is neglectful doesn't make it so.

Evelyn - posted on 12/30/2012

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You never lock a kid in a room. Three year old are not old enough to be unsupervised and that is unsupervised. If you put a kid that age in a room and lock it with no way to see what the child is doing that is unsupervised. Supervised is the door being open with maybe a gate up to keep the child in if that is where they are supposed to be. Some will look at that as neglectful.

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2012

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I never said the BRUISES weren't an issue. See my earlier post were I said this WAS of concern. And discipline can include locking a child in a room without it being abusive. As I said, I personally wouldn't do it, and I do think it was too long, but it isn't necessarily abusive.

Evelyn - posted on 12/30/2012

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Jodi~~discipline not leave bruises and lock a child in a room. THere is a difference.

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2012

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OK, thanks Libby. I do think that is WAY too long, but as I said, I don't see it as abusive if he was within earshot and her bedroom is a safe environment. By all means, report it, but I highly doubt it will be of concern.

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2012

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Evelyn, the father has a right to discipline as well, and unless it is abuse, it is not the mother's place to control that.

Libby - posted on 12/30/2012

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no he told me himself that he locked her in there for an hour and 15 min to be precise as ive just re-read the text he sent me.

Evelyn - posted on 12/30/2012

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THat is not the point. If the mom feels her child is not being treated right she needs to have it checked out.

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2012

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How do you know it was for an hour? You are relying on the word of a 3 year old.

Evelyn - posted on 12/30/2012

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Even locking a child in a room for an hour or longer is not a safe thing no matter the age. The punishment of that is too much for the child. Time outs do not always work. You need to get the situation looked into.

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2012

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Libby, you can't control how he disciplines your daughter in his home unless it is abusive. If he chooses to lock her in her room to calm down and THEN continue with the naughty step, then that's a choice he has the right to make. I have personally used time out in a bedroom (I don't have locks on the doors, and I don't do it for an hour because it isn't for punishment) for my daughter to give her time to calm down enough to then administer consequences of her actions too. It isn't unheard of. You don't have to like it.

Libby - posted on 12/30/2012

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ive looked and seen its not a crime i just dont think it helps as once shes been in there he puts her on naughty step for 5mins.
i no the bruising is concerning he says he just grabbed her to hard but for the state of the bruise hes got to have been squeezing as you can see its a hand print.

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2012

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Well, while it isn't something I would do, and obviously something you believe is wrong, it isn't actually a crime to lock her in her room for an hour if it was a safe environment. The bruising, however, is of concern, because it indicates physical abuse.

Libby - posted on 12/30/2012

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what about the locking in the room for been naughty for an hour he doesnt see this as been wrong!
thanks for you comments.

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