Who is not CIO?

Stephanie - posted on 07/02/2009 ( 164 moms have responded )

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I was just wondering who is choosing NOT to use the CIO method? It is not for me and I just wanted some support from other moms who arent as well.

My DD is 6 months old and we are getting long just fine with out it. We have a schedule and she naps and sleeps like a gem. Dont get me wrong we have our days and nights but I just dont understand why this method is so pushed and rampet in the parent world.

I would love to hear how other moms are doing and share any ideas and support. :O)



Happy Fourth!!

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Kath - posted on 07/15/2009

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My three boys are 7, 10, and almost 13, so I consider myself a veteran. When I was pregnant with my eldest, I read all the literature, listened to all the experts. When he was born, I threw everything out the window. You do what works for you and your children. He was the most challenging of all my babies, not settling easily. I remember many nights of bringing him downstairs and "dancing" him back to sleep, and the occasional party where I had to excuse myself in order to get him settled. One night, out of pure desperation, I decided to try letting him cry. I was listening to his heart-wrenching sobs from downstairs, through the monitor. Suddenly, I heard a loud "thump". I went to his room to find him on the floor, having succeeded in his attempts to break free of his crib. I held him in my bed, until his body stopped convulsing from fear. The next morning he could not walk to me. He had broken his leg. From that point on, I vowed to never again let any of my children get to that point. Years later, all three of them still love me to rub their backs as they listen to their music and fall asleep. But they are all fully capable of sleeping on their own. As adults, most of us share our beds with another, and think nothing of it, in fact, it is the norm. Why then, do we expect the tiniest and most vulnerable of our species to fend for themselves in the dark hours? Hold your daughter, and hold fast to your own parenting style. You are doing a good thing.

Alicia - posted on 07/12/2009

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Quoting Kate:

Okay -- someone just posted something on another thread about sleep that I find horrifying. I mean, really neglect/abuse. First, someone said they sleep-trained a newborn. A NEWBORN!! Using Ezzo's book. The man is the devil.

Then someone else said their kid will sleep IF they feed them...but not otherwise. Umm...FEED THE KID!

I have seen way too many parents (sorry, but usually formula-feeding parents, I think they sometimes are less tuned into their child's hunger needs than breastfeeding moms are, at least the ones I know) just not feed their child because they didn't think about it or it "wasn't time," but as soon as they thought, hey, maybe we should go ahead and try that...the kid was STARVING and gulping at the bottle like crazy. Once they were fed they would sleep just fine.

That is child abuse. Refusing to feed a starving child and ignoring his/her crying in hopes that he/she will just go to sleep is neglect (they are CIO in hopes that kid will just go to sleep despite hunger). I don't care if your kid SHOULDN'T be hungry, FEED him if he is! Oh my. That just makes me so angry and I want to take their kids away.


ok I know you feel very strongly about this but CIO kids are not emotionaly damaged the way children who are truly abused are. I don't think the majority of parents who choose CIO are refusing to feed their starving children. You're applying one possible senario to an entire set of people and acting as if anyone who makes a decision that doesn't coincide with yours deserves to loose their children. I've known/worked with children who were truly abused and neglected. There is no comparison to be drawn between parents who truly love their children and believe the research which seems to indicate benefits for the children who are CIO babies and monsters who hurt their children with intend. I'm not saying I agree with CIO because I don't use it personaly. Our 15 month old actually still co-sleeps. I'm just suggesting a little perspective may be in order.



 



Further more, as a very loving and involved mother who was a formula feeder I take offense to your blanket statement. I was very tuned in to my babies needs. I know other mothers who formula feed who are just as attentive. I didn't formula feed by choice but by necessity-low milk production despite renting a hospital grade pump. I nursed as long as I could but never exclusively. The boys always had more formula than breast milk. But even if I had made the decision not to nurse I would still have been a loving non-abusive parent. For decades woman who nursed were looked down on and judged. It was considered low class and forget about having any nursing rooms. You had to nurse your child were others were present and where judged for that as well. That was truly sad because there are millions of kids who could have benefited from breast milk but their mothers chose bottles for social reasons. There has been a backlash as nursing has become more frequent. Now it it the woman who can't nurse either for physical or other reasons who are judged and made to feel somehow lacking. It would be really nice for all of us  "selfish mothers" if there was a bit more understanding and acceptance of our right to make that very personal decision for ourselves and our children. Please don't be so quick to judge. Out of all the formula feeding mothers I know only 1 made the decision not to nurse from the start. And that is because she travels so much for work that carting 4-5 days worth of breast milk on a plane and trying to keep it from spoiling wasn't feesible for her. That was her choice and you know what-her son is one of the most smiley happy little guys I know.



 



Just some food for thought



Thanks for taking the time to read

[deleted account]

Hi Stephanie

I am totally against CIO - I think it gives tiny babies the message that no one cares. As babies are completely unable to care for themselves, this lack of response to their needs causes them to withdraw and become apathetic. They stop crying and the parent thinks they have done a brilliant job of 'training' their baby. I have read that this stores up mental and emotional health problems later in life.

Ive never left any of my 4 to cry for longer than the time it takes to reach them and I never will. I co-slept with all of them - and still do with my youngest. My older kids are now happy self-confident adults.

Im glad to find like-minded parents here. :)

Stephanie - posted on 07/06/2009

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Quoting Kylie:

I'm really anti-CIO. I don't understand how a mother can leave her baby to cry for long periods of time until they give up or pass out. When my baby cries my milk leaks, i feel agitated and i HAVE to go to him and comfort him. I'm so sick of reading comments like "if you don't teach them to be independent and sleep alone then you'll never get them out of your bed"..or "if you don't let them cry your making a rod for your back" I breastfed and co slept with my daughter and she went into her own bed at 2 with no tears or stress, she loves bedtime and sleeps 11-12 straight hours a night every night now (shes 4)
I've been co-sleeping for the past month with my son as he was waking every 2-3 hours and i was exhausted. Next to me he sleeps all night. When i had my children i accepted that they were going to need me 24/7..IMO if you cant be there to comfort and support your babies day and night then don't have them. They didn't ask to be here.
You know what else im sick of..parents saying we used CIO and he cried for 15 minuets then slept all night..like its a miracle cure. Sure, this may happen for a select few but the facts are If you start cry it out you need to be prepared to commit to up to 4 hours of crying the first night, 3 the next ,2 the next and it can take up to a week to break your child and if you pick them up after an hour you've gone a ruined all your good work..ekk. oh and then when the baby hits different developmental millstones you need to retrain them with more crying. Sounds like slow torture for mum and baby to me. OK rant over, sorry!


I co-sleep as well, even though my little one still wakes 2-3 times a night one to nurse the others to fuss....i still let her try and soothe.  This is just easier to me.  When she starts to cry i just pull her close and pat her back.  My hubby works deep nights so co-sleeping is great.



I agree with you on the whole miracle cure....  ;o)

Alison - posted on 07/05/2009

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Quoting Andrea:

Hello

I am kinda confused about CIO... I always thought that CIO was when you let your child cry for no longer then 5 mins and then you go in and comfort them... and that you shouldn't let them cry really hard. Do I have the meaning wrong?

Both my husband and I really don't like either method where our daughter (15 months) crys herself to sleep. We either rock her or just hold her till she goes to sleep... Our daughter also has Sensory Intergation Disorder where if she does get upset in her crib she will bang her head or rack her head across the bars to calm her down (even to the point of brusing: this has happened once when I didn't get up fast enough after she woke). Sometimes in the middle of the night she will let out a short cry in her sleep but as long as she doesn't cry more and is asleep I will let her be.


 



Sadly too many parents have taken CIO to a very scary and cruel level.  (My opinion & sorry if it offends.)  If you look around on here and really any other forum with posts about CIO and you will see what I mean.  Also there is a huge difference between fussing, crying, and screaming, and from what I have read many parents do not see it that way.  Fussing and trying to settle ones self down.....  ok, screaming and crying for hours.....  no way.  My son co-slept, and never did CIO, but did go through a stage where he fussed as he was dosing in and out right before passing out cold.  It was a tough time.  Some nights he would be left to fuss as he fell asleep with me sitting near by and soft music, other nights he would get more upset and would get rocked.  I let him tell me what he needed, and since he was 18 months and could talk some he would tell me right away if he was not having it. 



 



I hope this answers your question.



 



 

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Elizabeth - posted on 03/20/2010

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Hi Evryone, It sounds like all of you are NON Cry it out moms. Well, I just wanted to add a little of my two sense/cents worth just because I feel the need. Hee hee. Please no one throw rotten eggs. But... just to add from one who DID do the CIO method and loved it. I think the bottom line Ezzo wants to make is....don't let your kids grow up and control you. YOU are the parent. Also, the schedule is to work for you, and NOT you work for the schedule, etc. MOst of my close friends are NOT cry it out moms and so I rarely share what I do cause I get shocked looks. But it all has worked wonderfully for my three girls. Some babies might not do well and MOSTLY it is moms who can't stand to have their little ones cry. My kids cried (my third never needed to be trained that way, she just was a tranquil baby and quietly laid there when put to bed awake until she fell asleep on her own) maybe only for the first couple weeks and then they quietly would lay in bed until their bodies went to sleep on their own. Some days I wished my kids were the rock to sleep kind but in the end they are ALL so wiggly that when I would hold them on the rare occasion when sleepy or sick, once calmed enough to see around them, they would want to get off my lap and go explore some more. Anyway, each parent to their own decision. it is NOT Gospel truth to CIO or NOT cry it out. Do what suits you and your baby best. In the end, I firmly believe that if you act as the parent in their lives and not just the buddy, they all come out the same whether they have been allowed to cry it out as babies or not.

Sarah - posted on 07/15/2009

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Quoting Kylie:

I think Stephanie wanted to hear stories and support from mothers who choose NOT to sleep train their children with CIO. Babies cry to communicate their needs and if you choose to ignore their cries you are basically abandoning them. There are plenty pro-CIO threads out there..fortunately, this is not one of them.



really i have been reading this thread and it seems to be turning into somewhere for people to slate other mums who aren't doing it exactly their way.



can anyone tell me how a discussion about cio turned into mums who bottle feed aren't tuned into their babies needs - utter bull



I don't do cio as i found it doesn't work but lets not name call because we don't agree with their methods, they probably don't agree with ours!



i'm sure when some methods we use now as standard were introduced our mothers were outraged aswell, but times change and new methods are bought in and everyone is entiled to make up their own minds about them without being labeled an abuser

Sarah - posted on 07/15/2009

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Quoting Kylie:

I think Stephanie wanted to hear stories and support from mothers who choose NOT to sleep train their children with CIO. Babies cry to communicate their needs and if you choose to ignore their cries you are basically abandoning them. There are plenty pro-CIO threads out there..fortunately, this is not one of them.



really i have been reading this thread and it seems to be turning into somewhere for people to slate other mums who aren't doing it exactly their way.



can anyone tell me how a discussion about cio turned into mums who bottle feed aren't tuned into their babies needs - utter bull



I don't do cio as i found it doesn't work but lets not name call because we don't agree with their methods, they probably don't agree with ours!



i'm sure when some methods we use now as standard were introduced our mothers were outraged aswell, but times change and new methods are bought in and everyone is entiled to make up their own minds about them without being labeled an abuser

Rhonda - posted on 07/15/2009

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Quoting stephanie:

Who is not CIO?

I was just wondering who is choosing NOT to use the CIO method? It is not for me and I just wanted some support from other moms who arent as well.
My DD is 6 months old and we are getting long just fine with out it. We have a schedule and she naps and sleeps like a gem. Dont get me wrong we have our days and nights but I just dont understand why this method is so pushed and rampet in the parent world.
I would love to hear how other moms are doing and share any ideas and support. :O)

Happy Fourth!!



I think that each child and family is unique.  We have choosen to use the CIO method with our son.  Our decision was based upon a few different reasons and a bit of research on my part.  My DH and I use a modified method.  When our baby was < 3mths - I rarely let him cry for more than 5 mins.  At 6 mths it moved to 10 mins and again at 9 mths we moved to 15 mins.  This was because it allows him to learn that his ever demand is not going to be met instantaniously. 



After he reached the 9 mths we began to realize that he would cry at any point that we didn't give in to his demands.  His crying was for anything that he wanted, not only to voice his reactions to the bedtime routine that we were trying to establish.  I highly recommend "BABY WISE" it is great book to help you set boundries and routines for your little one.  Again,  you modify it to your family and child's personality and needs.  One constant thing I have noticed is the three day thing - it works as long as you and your spouse/parent partner are willing to tough it out. 

Sarah - posted on 07/15/2009

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I always considered myself luck with my daughter we co slept and she always slept really well and when at 6 months she moved into her cot in her own room i did use cio although i never knew it as this, today is the first time i've heard about it as a published method, it worked really well and after one night of 15 mins crying she slept through the night and never cried again when i put her down in her cot, until we moved house when she was 1yr after this she would not sleep on her own and i did try cio again but she would just make her self sick everytime and after a few nights of trying this i have given up for good and she started sleeping in with me again. Now sheis 18 mths and she falls asleep next to me on the sofa then i will take her upstairs after she is asleep and she is finally back in her own cot. Having said that children cry and somethimes they cry whether mummy/daddy is cuddling them or not, sometimes when my daughter was a baby she cried when she was tired and no amount of cuddling could calm her down while i don't use cio i think it is wrong to judge other parents methods, how do we know that what we are doing is right there is no instruction manual to parenting and you have to go with what you think is best for your child, I think we should support each other as parents and not judge it's a hard enough job without having people on here slating you for doing what you think is right, as i'm sure we all think that our way is best but i'm willing to accept that I could be wrong are you?

Alissa - posted on 07/15/2009

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I dont know your feelings on this I know most people are totally for or against this, but have you thought about bed sharing? I didnt believe in it until I had my kids it works much better when their small at about 18mo to 2 yrs I transitioned them into their own beds.

Alissa - posted on 07/15/2009

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Hi I am new to circle of moms but I have 2 kids, and I also did not use the CIO method. I think it cause some kids to beleive their parents arent trust worthy. My oldest daughter slept easily from the beginning, however my youngest was at least 18mo before she slept through the night. She still occasionally gets up in the middle of the night, but is easily put back to bed.

Alissa - posted on 07/15/2009

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Quoting stephanie:

Who is not CIO?

I was just wondering who is choosing NOT to use the CIO method? It is not for me and I just wanted some support from other moms who arent as well.
My DD is 6 months old and we are getting long just fine with out it. We have a schedule and she naps and sleeps like a gem. Dont get me wrong we have our days and nights but I just dont understand why this method is so pushed and rampet in the parent world.
I would love to hear how other moms are doing and share any ideas and support. :O)

Happy Fourth!!


 

[deleted account]

Crying it out basically means that you let your child cry until they learn whatever it is you want them to learn i.e. to go to sleep or wait for their food, etc. You let them cry for 5 minutes then soothe them, then 7 minutes then soothe them and so on and so on. Some methods have you first pick the baby up, then stroke them, then stand by them and so on. Methods vary, but the principal is the same.

I mean really now, How would you feel if you were hungry and someone told you to wait for your food. All babies want is to sleep, eat and be dry. If something like this was the matter with you, wouldn't you want someone to help you as soon as they could?

[deleted account]

We never used it. We kind of tried one night, but why? They are just new people learning to get along in the world and who need love and support, not to be given the message that the two people who will NOT be there for them when they are upset or scared are their parents! It seems too, too cruel. A friend told me of how she had to clean her baby up after the poor thing had thrown up all over herself because she was so upset and crying. She proceeded to put her right back in the crib after she was clean. I am still appalled at that. CIO is for the convenience of the parents, not for the children, I think.

Cyndi - posted on 07/14/2009

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While I never used CIO method with my kids there is no reason to call people names or label them abusive. I believe Ezzo loves children and parents. I just don't happen to agree with his methods.

Cyndi - posted on 07/14/2009

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While I never used CIO method with my kids there is no reason to call people names or label them abusive. I believe Ezzo loves children and parents. I just don't happen to agree with his methods.

Jennifer - posted on 07/14/2009

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It is interesting to see how many moms are completely against CIO. I am not one of them.... however my 2 girls (ages 4 and 18 months) were fantastic sleepers right from the start. Right from birth I did not rush to my girls the instant they made a tiny little peep... I usually waited until they did start to cry and then attend to them within a couple minutes.... i think it does not hurt your child to cry a little (within reason) With both my girls I found that more times than not they would start to cry (at night) and within 1 - 2 minutes would go right back to sleep. I think they may have just startled themselves but when left they went right back to sleep. The times I did go and rush in I would end up completely waking them up and then it took for ever to get them back to sleep. It is work for a baby to learn the skill of falling asleep on there own. I think as mothers you quickly can determine what the different cries mean and know when your child needs you right away (like if they are hurt) or if they can CIO. I do not know if I agree with CIO for hours upon hours but some cries are not all that bad. From looking at parents I know who never let there kids cry, many of them have huge anxiety issues when mom leaves, or can never sleep unless they have that sleep crutch (ie. soother, bottle, rocking...etc). I tried to help reduce the sleep crutches for my girls and they learned to sleep on their own at a really early age without crying at all.... again with all this said God blessed me with 2 fantastic sleepers right from the start so maybe I would be whistling a different tune had they cried allot at night.



Best of luck to all of you.... and do what works best for your family CIO or not!

Jennifer - posted on 07/14/2009

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It is interesting to see how many moms are completely against CIO. I am not one of them.... however my 2 girls (ages 4 and 18 months) were fantastic sleepers right from the start. Right from birth I did not rush to my girls the instant they made a tiny little peep... I usually waited until they did start to cry and then attend to them within a couple minutes.... i think it does not hurt your child to cry a little (within reason) With both my girls I found that more times than not they would start to cry (at night) and within 1 - 2 minutes would go right back to sleep. I think they may have just startled themselves but when left they went right back to sleep. The times I did go and rush in I would end up completely waking them up and then it took for ever to get them back to sleep. It is work for a baby to learn the skill of falling asleep on there own. I think as mothers you quickly can determine what the different cries mean and know when your child needs you right away (like if they are hurt) or if they can CIO. I do not know if I agree with CIO for hours upon hours but some cries are not all that bad. From looking at parents I know who never let there kids cry, many of them have huge anxiety issues when mom leaves, or can never sleep unless they have that sleep crutch (ie. soother, bottle, rocking...etc). I tried to help reduce the sleep crutches for my girls and they learned to sleep on their own at a really early age without crying at all.... again with all this said God blessed me with 2 fantastic sleepers right from the start so maybe I would be whistling a different tune had they cried allot at night.



Best of luck to all of you.... and do what works best for your family CIO or not!

Emilie - posted on 07/14/2009

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I don't agree with letting an infant cry it out. Crying is their only means of communication, and if they are crying it is because something is wrong - hungry, wet, dirty, cold, lonely, etc. As an adult, I'd appreciate being held if I was upset about something, and I'd feel pretty disrespected if I was left alone in a room and ignored. HOWEVER! I think there is a difference between an infant who needs something, and a toddler who is quickly learning the art of manipulation! I see nothing wrong with consistently and clearly defining the bedtime rules and expecting a toddler to respect them.

Brandy - posted on 07/14/2009

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Quoting Alicia:



Quoting Kate:

Okay -- someone just posted something on another thread about sleep that I find horrifying. I mean, really neglect/abuse. First, someone said they sleep-trained a newborn. A NEWBORN!! Using Ezzo's book. The man is the devil.

Then someone else said their kid will sleep IF they feed them...but not otherwise. Umm...FEED THE KID!

I have seen way too many parents (sorry, but usually formula-feeding parents, I think they sometimes are less tuned into their child's hunger needs than breastfeeding moms are, at least the ones I know) just not feed their child because they didn't think about it or it "wasn't time," but as soon as they thought, hey, maybe we should go ahead and try that...the kid was STARVING and gulping at the bottle like crazy. Once they were fed they would sleep just fine.

That is child abuse. Refusing to feed a starving child and ignoring his/her crying in hopes that he/she will just go to sleep is neglect (they are CIO in hopes that kid will just go to sleep despite hunger). I don't care if your kid SHOULDN'T be hungry, FEED him if he is! Oh my. That just makes me so angry and I want to take their kids away.





ok I know you feel very strongly about this but CIO kids are not emotionaly damaged the way children who are truly abused are. I don't think the majority of parents who choose CIO are refusing to feed their starving children. You're applying one possible senario to an entire set of people and acting as if anyone who makes a decision that doesn't coincide with yours deserves to loose their children. I've known/worked with children who were truly abused and neglected. There is no comparison to be drawn between parents who truly love their children and believe the research which seems to indicate benefits for the children who are CIO babies and monsters who hurt their children with intend. I'm not saying I agree with CIO because I don't use it personaly. Our 15 month old actually still co-sleeps. I'm just suggesting a little perspective may be in order.






 






Further more, as a very loving and involved mother who was a formula feeder I take offense to your blanket statement. I was very tuned in to my babies needs. I know other mothers who formula feed who are just as attentive. I didn't formula feed by choice but by necessity-low milk production despite renting a hospital grade pump. I nursed as long as I could but never exclusively. The boys always had more formula than breast milk. But even if I had made the decision not to nurse I would still have been a loving non-abusive parent. For decades woman who nursed were looked down on and judged. It was considered low class and forget about having any nursing rooms. You had to nurse your child were others were present and where judged for that as well. That was truly sad because there are millions of kids who could have benefited from breast milk but their mothers chose bottles for social reasons. There has been a backlash as nursing has become more frequent. Now it it the woman who can't nurse either for physical or other reasons who are judged and made to feel somehow lacking. It would be really nice for all of us  "selfish mothers" if there was a bit more understanding and acceptance of our right to make that very personal decision for ourselves and our children. Please don't be so quick to judge. Out of all the formula feeding mothers I know only 1 made the decision not to nurse from the start. And that is because she travels so much for work that carting 4-5 days worth of breast milk on a plane and trying to keep it from spoiling wasn't feesible for her. That was her choice and you know what-her son is one of the most smiley happy little guys I know.






 






Just some food for thought






Thanks for taking the time to read





I feel that more and more mothers today are actually choosing to formula feed rather than breast feed...I don't know very many new mothers in my area that are actually breast feeding...I feel more ancient than all because I am an avid breast feeder, 9who wants to buy epensive formula when breasts are free!! LOL).  I wish more mothers who COULD breast feed, would.  I have nothing against formula feeders, but those that choose not to just because!?  I never really understood that...the best milk is mother's milk, that is what we were created to do, kudos to those who at least try to breast feed for as long as possible before switching to formula, I just wish there were more mother's that breast feed more regularly than formula fed.



 



I agree with your "blanket" comments, not all mother's that formula feed are out of tune with their child, though there are those lazy ones, the good ones don't deserve a bad rap!!

Brandy - posted on 07/14/2009

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Give kids attention they need..eventually they won't WANT your attention...CIO seems horrible to me...I always get up with my kids if they cry...I even have them sleep with me to ease their crying...once alseep I tend to shift them back to their beds...sometimes not, and they do fine...babies need their parents...you can't expect them to take care of themselves!!

[deleted account]

My son is now 4 and we never, ever used CIO - CIO is detrimental to instilling trust and security in a child. An baby cannot speak, does not have the freedom to get out of bed and walk to another room, can not open the refrigerator door or turn up the air conditioning...all those kinds of things we can do when we're upset or uncomfortable. A baby is LEARNING to regulate their emotions and communicate. Knowing that a loving caretaker will respond gives them the security they will need to try new things. That is what parenting is all about - TEACHING. I commend you and others who do not go against a mother's natural instinct to respond to their child in need.

Amy - posted on 07/12/2009

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I think keeping the baby on a schedule helps them feel secure enough to not have to CIO. We had my son on a great schedule/routine and never had to use CIO. It is hard though for some working parents to keep up with a schedule and routine due to all the changes in theirs, so I do understand where it is necessary. I was lucky that my schedule didn't change dramatically until my son was almost a year old.

Kylie - posted on 07/12/2009

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I think Stephanie wanted to hear stories and support from mothers who choose NOT to sleep train their children with CIO. Babies cry to communicate their needs and if you choose to ignore their cries you are basically abandoning them. There are plenty pro-CIO threads out there..fortunately, this is not one of them.

Nicola - posted on 07/12/2009

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Definitely agree with this I used it on both my children not until they were at least 6 months old but it is not abandoning your child its teaching them how to sleep by themselves. I was bf and they both used me as a dummy as they wouldn't take a comforter. Within 1 week they settled better that isn't to say that they will always stop crying and I wouldn't go in but it depends on reasons you get to know why they cry.

Stephanie - posted on 07/10/2009

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Thank you everyone for you positive posts!! I am so happy that there are more parents out there choosing a different parenting style.

I have not only connected with many of your posts but have also found the strength to tell those CIO pushers..that method is not for me. :O)

Now if I can only change their opnion about thumb sucking....LOL



Thanks again everyone!!

Jennifer - posted on 07/09/2009

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I dont use CIO, never have. People suggested it to me when i had first had my son and he was days old. I dident. I was a new mother, stressed and overwhelmed but i knew in my heart it wasent for me. So i guess you could say i spent time learning my son, and taking charge in his life to teach him how to self-soothe using methods that dident involve letting him CIO. This is a great post, i read so many about Moms who have babies and children with sleep issues, and so many responces are "Oh just let them CIO" I've read that using the CIO method makes your child loose trust in you. Aswell as it apperently effects them later on with trust too. Weather or not thats true. CIO wasent for me and isent.

Jennifer - posted on 07/09/2009

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I dont use CIO, never have. People suggested it to me when i had first had my son and he was days old. I dident. I was a new mother, stressed and overwhelmed but i knew in my heart it wasent for me. So i guess you could say i spent time learning my son, and taking charge in his life to teach him how to self-soothe using methods that dident involve letting him CIO. This is a great post, i read so many about Moms who have babies and children with sleep issues, and so many responces are "Oh just let them CIO" I've read that using the CIO method makes your child loose trust in you. Aswell as it apperently effects them later on with trust too. Weather or not thats true. CIO wasent for me and isent.

Almira - posted on 07/09/2009

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We have a 12 month old and we have never used CIO. He has fussed to sleep a few times. Most of the time he is rocked to sleep. I really just can't wrap my mind around allowing a baby to CIO. Its hard however during the trying times when it seems everyone around me says oh just CIO. It just not my style

ME - posted on 07/09/2009

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I have never used CIO with my 17 month old...the longest he is allowed to cry is 5-10 min. Two pediatricians have assured me that CIO is a great method of child care, but as a trained counselor who has see the results of attachment problems, I disagree, and refuse to do it. My son is sweet, and mostly well-behaved...I have very few problems getting him to sleep (unless he is teething), so no reason to put either of us through the pain of CIO.

Danelle - posted on 07/09/2009

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Our son is about to turn 1-year old and we have never used CIO, nor would we. As an attachment parenting family, we see the results that peaceful parenting has daily in our son's life. He is much happier, more secure, trusting, and at peace himself as a result of gentle ways of parenting.



2 GREAT baby sleep books include: "The Baby Sleep Book" by Dr Sears and "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley and Dr. Sears.



As an exclusively breastfeeding family to 10-months, co-sleeping was also the best option for us - rarely did we ever have to get out of bed between the hours of 9pm-7am, and our little one slept happily beside us, nursing when he needed.

[deleted account]

Psychologists and scientist are now claiming that it is impossible to spoil a child up until the age of 1 year. Before then, they cry for a reason and they need to know that someone is helping them even if they don't know what the reason is.



My daughter is almost 5 months now and has slept through since 7 weeks. Although I know that all babies are not like this, I firmly hold that babies are born with a personality, likes and dislikes, metabolism, etc. All of these influence your baby's crying cycle.



When my daughter cries, we do trouble shooting (I have a husband in IT - lol) and in failure to find a direct problem, we hold her or try and sooth her. We do however try not to give habit forming soothers (like feeding her every time she cries or giving a dummy when she opens her mouth).



What I also found in her first 2months is that every day at about the time of her birth, she would start crying. Once I made the connection, I spend every day that time with her as she worked through her trauma.



When my child cries, I get a gut feeling that tells me it is a tantrum, or there is reason. And I hold her every time whilst explaining (if relative) that we don't handle our emotions via tantrums.



I have never let my daughter cry without attending to her. She does not misuse this system and is in fact fairly independent and already very self-assured. I cannot imagine allowing a child to simply cry for any reason. After all the most important thing you can give them is support and love.



But that is just my opinion.

Gina - posted on 07/08/2009

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This is a reassuring post. I felt like I was the only parent like this, thankfully not. I'm hanging in there with my now 21-month old son. He is always so happy & also adjusted well to nursery school, just began, quite easily. I'll keep posted here more often. Best wishes!

Sarah - posted on 07/08/2009

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Stephanie, like you I did not want to do the CIO method, however having tried going into my son's room at set intervals I discovered that my being there with him only made him more hysterical and prolonged the time it took him to go to sleep. In the end I had to use the CIO method. It took him an hour the first night, then 45 minutes, then around 30, and then the remainder of the week it took 10 minutes. Now he stops crying as soon as I leave the room. Joshua was 6 months old when I tried this, my husband is recovering from heart surgery so I had to try and get Joshua to go to bed awake as I am on my own in that my husband is not allowed to lift anything over 15lbs which of course includes our son.

Good luck, I hope that you have better luck than we did.

Sarah

Caitlyn - posted on 07/08/2009

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Quoting Kate:



Quoting Caitlyn:




Quoting Kate:

Caitlyn -- Yes, this happened to us. It was a combination of undiscovered food allergies, not enough time with us during the day, and teething. Sometimes DD would not actually be completely awake when we went in, and would get really mad that we woke her up. So we started waiting a little if she was quietly fussing but not yet crying. Now, she's weird, she has to say good night again to BOTH parents or she will not go to bed. Have you tried teething tablets or chamomilla for teeth? This helps teeth a lot and DD sleeps much better with it. It could be he's still teething (DD teethed early and fast) so that could be bothering him! Hopefully you can solve it, and good for you for working on it instead of letting him cry. :)







undiscovered food allergies huh? hmm...how do we discover them :)








Yes, we have a bottle of teething tablets and they used to help, but aren't seeming to anymore.








 









Food allergies -- what have you recently started?  We realized that what had changed in our DD's diet since the night waking started about when we introduced cheese and had continued to get worse as we allowed her to have more.  So, we tried eliminating it to see if that was the problem -- and her issues cleared up!  The signs for us were the night waking, chronic diaper rash, sometimes diarrhea (not always) and general fussiness.  It wasn't anything severe and it started slowly and got progressively worse so it was kind of hard to pick out as a food allergy, but when she does not eat cheese we have none of those problems.






Start with anything that may be a common allergen or that your child eats before an especially bad night.  Dairy, peas, peanuts, soy, gluten, strawberries are common ones.





THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!  It appears my little guy can't handle squash.  We had just started him on it when all of the sleeping issues started.  I took it out of his diet last week and he is back to nursing and going back to sleep.  Poor little guy, I hadn't thought of food allergies.  Thank you again!!

Lori - posted on 07/08/2009

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I'm simply offering another perspective to be considered - that a modified cry it out method does work with some children - more so than picking them up every time that they cry. I'm not objecting to people who feel like attachment parenting is the best option for them - each parent has to find what works best for their own child. I'm simply offering my experiences with my child - and if someone had offered advice instead of judging me, it would have been a totally different conversation. I do agree that emotional needs are important too, and I believe that I am meeting my daughter's, while also allowing her physical need for sleep to be met.

 



 



Quoting Lisa:



Quoting Carol:

One thing that always frustrates me is when I hear mothers say, I attend to my child when she "needs" something, like food or diaper change, but not if he/she is just wanting to be comforted. I do not understand what is wrong with comforting your child when they want it.






What I don't understand is how some parents feel that only physical needs are legitimate needs.  And not comfort, stability, and security.






 






And for all those saying we're judgemental, and defending how you use CIO, well, this thread wasn't started for you.  It was to support a mother who DOESN'T use CIO.  If you don't like what the posts are saying, don't read.



 



 





 

Minnie - posted on 07/08/2009

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Quoting Carol:

One thing that always frustrates me is when I hear mothers say, I attend to my child when she "needs" something, like food or diaper change, but not if he/she is just wanting to be comforted. I do not understand what is wrong with comforting your child when they want it.



What I don't understand is how some parents feel that only physical needs are legitimate needs.  And not comfort, stability, and security.



 



And for all those saying we're judgemental, and defending how you use CIO, well, this thread wasn't started for you.  It was to support a mother who DOESN'T use CIO.  If you don't like what the posts are saying, don't read.

Manda - posted on 07/08/2009

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Nice to see all these postings! I suppose CIO has been around for such a long time that it takes time to accept there are other less stressful ways to help your baby sleep. My little one has had her own bed since 2 weeks old but I have slept in a bed along side her for about 6 months. She had terrible night wakings since a stint in hospital and finally she is learning how to put herself to sleep. I got onto Babywhisperers and have been trying the pick up/put down method. I have only had to pick her up once and luckily things have been going very smoothly so far. I am still there for her but not feeding her or rocking her to sleep as I was before. Now she is only waking a couple of times instead of 10. So much better. Both of us are happier because we are both getting more sleep and she doesn't have to go through the angst of feeling deserted and abandoned while she learns. It may take a little longer but give me that any day to CIO!

Lori - posted on 07/08/2009

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I attend to my child when she needs something and not otherwise. Because of my child's disabilites and the problems she was born with, she is very stimulated by sight. If I go into her room at night when she wakes up, she is up for the rest of the night. Believe me, I've gotten up at 1 or 2 am and then been up all the next day. It depends on the child, and people getting judgemental without knowing each individual child is unnecessary.

Johnny - posted on 07/07/2009

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One thing that always frustrates me is when I hear mothers say, I attend to my child when she "needs" something, like food or diaper change, but not if he/she is just wanting to be comforted. I do not understand what is wrong with comforting your child when they want it.

Minnie - posted on 07/07/2009

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Cry it out- there are a lot of definitions people like to give, but I personally consider it allowing your child to cry himself to sleep for whatever amount of time you choose in the hopes that the child will learn to self soothe and view bedtime and sleeping alone in a 'pleasant' manner.

I hate it with a passion.

Joanne - posted on 07/07/2009

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It is alien to me that people can let their baby cry it out as a general rule. My son is 20 months and i'm proud of the fact I havent done this. I personally believe that as babies they have many reasons why they wake at night but sending them the message that mummy isn't going to help them through it is cruel. My son sleeps through half the time and other times he wakes and I go in, change his nappy and then lie him down next to me in bed where he grabs at the inside of my arm for comfort. It is just plain obvious that his crying stops and he does this because whatever it is he is feeling, he NEEDS that comfort. Within 20 minutes he falls back to sleep and then I make sure I place him back in his own bed so that when he wakes in the morning, he knows his bed is his place to sleep. if i fall asleep in my bed next to him I make sure when i wake I put him back in his cot. Babies have little brains that are aware and constantly learning, and yet so many things are confusing or frightening to them. After rearing my son to this age i can see he is a baby that has a great sense of security. Many animals carry their babies on their backs non stop when they are young. Why do we humans sometimes believe it can be correct to leave them at their time of need? it is common sense that if you repeatedly instill in your baby that at the times when you are most upset, when it is dark and you are alone and you most need your parents, you are not going to comfort them, then that can't be doing anything wonderful for a hungry brain that needs to feel secure and protected. It's common sense... and if you can help it, even if they make it into your bed during the night, just make sure they are back in their bed before their waking time in the morning. It has worked for me. he will go a week sleeping straight through sometimes and as long as i have spent some time showing him I care, he never protests about being put back into his bed, because it is all he has ever known. I think if you put them in bed with you and then leave them there, that is where the troouble begins because they wake up there and begin to think that is their bed. sorry this is so long, but crying it out has always seemed so wrong to me, it has always gone against every fibre of my maternal being... and at the end of the day, mother nature gives us strong instincts to let us know what's right, and abandoning a baby who is screaming and clearly in distress could never be right!

Sonia - posted on 07/07/2009

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I've never used CIO and I never will, under any circumstances. I believe that babies use crying to communicate. When they're out of our immediate presence, it's really the only form of communication with us. As I understand it, babies who have been attended to as quickly as possible when very little tend to cry less in the long run. I feel like my babies need me at night just as much as during the day. They need to be near me. I don't enjoy a lack of sleep anymore than anyone else, but I prefer to handle sleep issues as gently as possible. I chose to cosleep after my daughter was born and also coslept w/ my son. That way, I could nurse when necessary w/o waking up completely and getting out of bed. I got so much more sleep that way. As I understand it, babies and moms will synchronize sleep patterns when cosleeping. Then, Mommy wakes a little when Baby wakes a little, is able to feed, and easily drifts back off to sleep b/c Mommy hasn't been jolted out of a deep sleep. Definitely felt that working for me w/ both my children.



Now, lest you imagine that I had 2 beautiful sleepers...let me tell you that was not so. My children are both very beautiful, of course, but my daughter did not sleep easily. Whew, it was tough going at times. My son, had much more routine sleep patterns though. I found that letting go of the cultural notions that Baby should sleep such and such a way and at such and such an age actually made dealing w/ night wakings sooooooooooooo much easier. Even when I did get less sleep, I felt more rested b/c I wasn't wasting energy being frustrated at being woken up at night. I accepted it as natural and then both my baby and me ended up sleeping more. My calm helped my little one sleep better too.

Sonia - posted on 07/07/2009

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I've never used CIO and I never will, under any circumstances. I believe that babies use crying to communicate. When they're out of our immediate presence, it's really the only form of communication with us. As I understand it, babies who have been attended to as quickly as possible when very little tend to cry less in the long run. I feel like my babies need me at night just as much as during the day. They need to be near me. I don't enjoy a lack of sleep anymore than anyone else, but I prefer to handle sleep issues as gently as possible. I chose to cosleep after my daughter was born and also coslept w/ my son. That way, I could nurse when necessary w/o waking up completely and getting out of bed. I got so much more sleep that way. As I understand it, babies and moms will synchronize sleep patterns when cosleeping. Then, Mommy wakes a little when Baby wakes a little, is able to feed, and easily drifts back off to sleep b/c Mommy hasn't been jolted out of a deep sleep. Definitely felt that working for me w/ both my children.



Now, lest you imagine that I had 2 beautiful sleepers...let me tell you that was not so. My children are both very beautiful, of course, but my daughter did not sleep easily. Whew, it was tough going at times. My son, had much more routine sleep patterns though. I found that letting go of the cultural notions that Baby should sleep such and such a way and at such and such an age actually made dealing w/ night wakings sooooooooooooo much easier. Even when I did get less sleep, I felt more rested b/c I wasn't wasting energy being frustrated at being woken up at night. I accepted it as natural and then both my baby and me ended up sleeping more. My calm helped my little one sleep better too.

Ayumi - posted on 07/07/2009

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I'm soo glad to see this!!... I was pressured by so many people to CIO. It is not my style and it dosen't feel right to me...but they say earlier is easier....I HATE hearing that...I comfort my little girl when she is crying needing some help to go back to sleep. I do feel tired waking up so many times during the night but at least I feel good taking care of her...As a mom I feel that part of being mom ....comforting.

Joanne - posted on 07/07/2009

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It is alien to me that people can let their baby cry it out as a general rule. My son is 20 months and i'm proud of the fact I havent done this. I personally believe that as babies they have many reasons why they wake at night but sending them the message that mummy isn't going to help them through it is cruel. My son sleeps through half the time and other times he wakes and I go in, change his nappy and then lie him down next to me in bed where he grabs at the inside of my arm for comfort. It is just plain obvious that his crying stops and he does this because whatever it is he is feeling, he NEEDS that comfort. Within 20 minutes he falls back to sleep and then I make sure I place him back in his own bed so that when he wakes in the morning, he knows his bed is his place to sleep. if i fall asleep in my bed next to him I make sure when i wake I put him back in his cot. Babies have little brains that are aware and constantly learning, and yet so many things are confusing or frightening to them. After rearing my son to this age i can see he is a baby that has a great sense of security. Many animals carry their babies on their backs non stop when they are young. Why do we humans sometimes believe it can be correct to leave them at their time of need? it is common sense that if you repeatedly instill in your baby that at the times when you are most upset, when it is dark and you are alone and you most need your parents, you are not going to comfort them, then that can't be doing anything wonderful for a hungry brain that needs to feel secure and protected. It's common sense... and if you can help it, even if they make it into your bed during the night, just make sure they are back in their bed before their waking time in the morning. It has worked for me. he will go a week sleeping straight through sometimes and as long as i have spent some time showing him I care, he never protests about being put back into his bed, because it is all he has ever known. I think if you put them in bed with you and then leave them there, that is where the troouble begins because they wake up there and begin to think that is their bed. sorry this is so long, but crying it out has always seemed so wrong to me, it has always gone against every fibre of my maternal being... and at the end of the day, mother nature gives us strong instincts to let us know what's right, and abandoning a baby who is screaming and clearly in distress could never be right!

Becky - posted on 07/07/2009

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I started out using CIO because I didn't know any better. But I gave it up shortly, it's the one thing I strongly regret ever doing. My daughter's almost two now, and she's amazing. She's really independent, she sleeps great, and she has no anxiety issues. For a while it was really tough because I was SOO frustrated that at 8, 9, 10 months she "still" wasn't sleeping through the night. BUT then I read The No Cry Sleep Solution which helped give me peace of mind. Babies aren't SUPPOSED to sleep through the night and forcing that milestone can cause all kinds of problems.



So good for you and your baby, and hang in there, it'll get better and it'll be SOOOOO worth it when you don't have a toddler screaming every time you leave the room!

Lori - posted on 07/07/2009

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I think that whether or not to use CIO is dependent on the individual child. We do use CIO. My daughter will be three in less than two weeks. She is deaf and has cerebral palsy. CIO has been our only option. My daughter gets milk right before bed, as well as her medicine, but still wakes up at night - frequently. I let her cry. If I go in there, it only makes it worse. Granted, she usually cries for 10 minutes or less, but I still don't go into her room. I can tell from her cries when something is wrong and when she just wakes up. If something is wrong, I will go in there, but otherwise, I don't. We have had to do the same thing with putting her to bed. going to the door and talking to her doesn't work, because she can't hear you, so we have to improvise and do what works. Thing is, it depends on the child what works for them. I let my child cry it out, but she is a well adjusted, happy, confident child who isn't scared of anything. It's what works for us, even if it is a little bit of a modified version.

[deleted account]

Quoting Maria:

I am in total agreement about not letting my son CIO. But I am at a loss as to how to get him to sleep longer stretches either for naps or at nighttime. My husband travels during the week and so it's me all day and all night and it is exhausting when your kid wakes up every hour!! How did you mommies out there get your babies to sleep at least 2-3 hr stretches at night? I don't mind waking up to nurse, but every hour is hard when you have to do it alone. I've tried the "no-cry sleep solution" by E. Pantley and I've only had success with getting him to bed. I still can't get him to nap for more than 45 mins on a regular basis or to sleep at night for longer stretches. Please help me. I can't stand hearing my baby cry. It makes me want to cry as well but both of us need our sleep! My son is almost 6 months old and is exclusively breastfed (refuses even to take a bottle).


One thing that helped for my son when he was around 6 months was elevating his crib mattress slightly for naps. I have no idea why this helped, but it made a huge difference. White noise in the background is good, too. For night time, I'll second Lisa's suggestion - we've been co-sleeping pretty much since day one, and I think it makes the nights a lot easier. Most nights, my son barely wakes up at all, just enough for me to latch him on when he's hungry. He's 10 months now, and that happens maybe once a night at this point.



I will say that my baby had major changes in his sleep patters around 6 months and 9 months. It lasted a week or two each time, and lined up with some developmental milestones. I also found that between 6 and 7 months, my son started self-soothing at night, without needing any encouragement from me. It will get better, and I hope you find it getting better soon!

[deleted account]

Quoting Maria:

I am in total agreement about not letting my son CIO. But I am at a loss as to how to get him to sleep longer stretches either for naps or at nighttime. My husband travels during the week and so it's me all day and all night and it is exhausting when your kid wakes up every hour!! How did you mommies out there get your babies to sleep at least 2-3 hr stretches at night? I don't mind waking up to nurse, but every hour is hard when you have to do it alone. I've tried the "no-cry sleep solution" by E. Pantley and I've only had success with getting him to bed. I still can't get him to nap for more than 45 mins on a regular basis or to sleep at night for longer stretches. Please help me. I can't stand hearing my baby cry. It makes me want to cry as well but both of us need our sleep! My son is almost 6 months old and is exclusively breastfed (refuses even to take a bottle).


One thing that helped for my son when he was around 6 months was elevating his crib mattress slightly for naps. I have no idea why this helped, but it made a huge difference. White noise in the background is good, too. For night time, I'll second Lisa's suggestion - we've been co-sleeping pretty much since day one, and I think it makes the nights a lot easier. Most nights, my son barely wakes up at all, just enough for me to latch him on when he's hungry. He's 10 months now, and that happens maybe once a night at this point.



I will say that my baby had major changes in his sleep patters around 6 months and 9 months. It lasted a week or two each time, and lined up with some developmental milestones. I also found that between 6 and 7 months, my son started self-soothing at night, without needing any encouragement from me. It will get better, and I hope you find it getting better soon!

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