Who should share the room

Amy - posted on 12/27/2010 ( 30 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 4 years old, my son will soon be 2. I am due mid-July. We only have two available bedrooms for them. We aren't sure whether to have daughter and son share for a bit until baby is older [no idea of baby's gender] or to have 4 year old and baby share. My worry about baby and 4 year old is that she will try and play mommy and take her out of the crib. But people keep telling me I shouldn't have a son and daughter share a room. I don't see why not, they aren't teenagers. And I don't want baby and 2 year old to share because....I just don't trust a baby and a 2 year old together. and those nights of teething should just be mommy and baby awake, not the whole family.And we don't want to share our bedroom because we just don't think kids belong in parents' bedroom beyond the first month or so in the bassinet. If big kids share we'll also have to deal with the 2/4 year olds giggling and not sleeping because they want to play. What do you all think?

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Firebird - posted on 12/27/2010

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My brother, sister and I all shared a room for years. After my older sister got her own room, my brother and I were in bunk beds for at least another 2 years. There's nothing wrong with it, like you said, they aren't teenagers. Put your son into a real bed and when he's used to it, stick the older 2 together. It seems that most people are on the same page with this one.

Bonnie - posted on 12/27/2010

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It really doesn't matter when kids are young IMO. I would have the two older children share a bedroom. Start to get them comfortable with sharing a room before they actual need to (ie. while the baby stays with you in the bassinet) so they will be use to it. Then afterwards the baby will have his/or her own room which would be better if baby is up during the night and you need to spend time in the room, etc.

Sherri - posted on 12/27/2010

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I would have baby in your room till baby is sleeping through the night. I also would wait to see what the sex is and put the two that are the same sex in the same room. Although it isn't a law in a private home, it is frowned upon by CPS once one of the children reaches 6yrs old.

Tracy - posted on 12/27/2010

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I agree with Kate, let the older ones share. Yes, they'll be rambunctious for a bit, but then the novelty of room sharing will wear off. Once the baby is a bit older, then you can switch it to same sex rooms. It's not a big deal right now, as you said, they aren't teenagers yet!

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Sarah - posted on 03/13/2011

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some states actually have laws against opposite sex siblings sharing a room past a certain age (not sure what age that is here in CT but I know it is a law here)

Dianna - posted on 01/18/2011

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I think people make a hug deal, think about years ago how many people did this? I have a daughter who is now 26, when I had my daughter who is now turning 18 I did not make her share a room with a older child, we had a 3 bedroom house at the time, then my son who is now turning 15 came along he shared the room with his sister.
The two were only 3 years apart and did that for four years. It worked out great, all the toys in one room, it was easier to get my son to sleep with his sister in the room. She was 7 when we moved into a 4 bedroom and she was ready to part from her brother. As far as the fighting, there is no difference in closeness or fighting in the older one or them, they all have fight. At different times they go through periods of being close. Sometimes its the girls and then the older girl and my son. Oh and the giggling, that usually happens with friends, siblings are use to each other and its not really a slumber party, some giggling but not really.
Hope this helps.

Jessica - posted on 12/29/2010

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thats really up to the parents i don't think thst they mean babies cant share the same room i have 5 children and as long as they are small i don't see the problem in it. i think that the bigger risk is putting a toddler with an infant. i ave been down that road and would feel more comfortable with the infant in its own room.

Samantha - posted on 12/28/2010

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I just thought of something else. When my three oldest boys were younger, they all shared a bedroom - and the other room was the toy room. This would be after the baby was a little older, but it sure made a difference in the sleeping and the playing. They slept better at night not having all of their toys in there. Of course, they got older and well....that's a whole different story. :)

[deleted account]

I had a my two eldest share a room until my youngest daughter was old enough and in a bed to swap. At the time the two eldest were 3 & 2 and they stayed like this for nearly two years. Even now, at 9, 7 and 5, they all sleep together on the weekends because they want to. Further, my son and youngest daughter have a really strong bond and my eldest likes her space so we are thinking about swapping the rooms around anyway. Do what you think is right and don't worry about what other people think.

Samantha - posted on 12/28/2010

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I am sure you have had a lot of advice, but if it were me - I would put the two older ones in a room together for the first six months or so - just so that they don't wake up the baby and the baby doesn't wake them up. As the baby grows, it will become more obvious which kids should share a room. And by the way, if we start segregating our children at such a young age based on gender - doesn't that encourage more gender issues later???? They are all kids. Gender shouldn't really matter until they are older.

Londa - posted on 12/28/2010

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I would put the big kids together. Start putting them down 30 minutes before you want them to sleep so they can talk and giggle but still get to sleep by their real bedtime. This is what I do for my two younger boys. I think mix gender is okay while they are young and it may help build a closer bond.You do not want the baby in one of their rooms due to sleep patterns and the worry that they will play mommy.

Kim - posted on 12/27/2010

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I kept my baby in the room with me until she was about a month old and then moved her into her bedroom with her sister. At the time the they began to share a room my older daughter was 15months old. They now share a room at 2yrs and almost 1 yr. I was afraid that the baby would also wake up my older one but she didn't. I actually enjoy them sharing a room bc now if they both wake in the morning and I'm not quite ready to get up my 2 yr old sits there and entertains the 11 month old for a while.

Laura - posted on 12/27/2010

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My bro and I shared a room when we were that age. I don't see anything wrong with it at all. Once the new baby is old enough then move the same sexes together but until then it's best to have the 2 together. We have bunk beds for my 2 and 4 year old boys. They love it. It's the ones with stairs instead of a ladder so it's a lot safer. They might play for a little bit, mine still take about a half an hr to settle down but they will go to sleep. If it becomes an issue just put them to bed earlier.

[deleted account]

My brother and I shared a room til he was 6 or 7 (I'm 3 years younger).

I don't know about CPS, etc... and room sharing siblings, but I know that due to budget cuts to HUD... It no longer matters what sex/age the people in your house are... you only get funding for 2 people per bedroom. I'm renting on county property and have always shared a room w/ my 2 year old son.... and always will until a 3 bedroom place for the same price becomes available (not likely to happen for a long time).

[deleted account]

Personally I would not put a baby with a 2 or 4 year old. I kept my babies in my room until they were a year old, they had their own bed. I don't see anything wrong with having the older 2 share a room if you want the baby in different room then you.

Jodi - posted on 12/27/2010

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I know a holiday wouldn't count :) I think I was just trying to make the point about it only being an issue if you make it one, especially at SUCH a young age. I wouldn't let my boys share a room with my daughter at home, but they are much older. I just think anyone who thinks a 4 year old and 2 year old of opposite sex can't share a room is just in the wrong frame of mind.

Sherri - posted on 12/27/2010

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Jodi sharing a hotel room I am not sure would count. But anyways they would only know it there wasn't enough bedrooms per kids say you have 2 kids boy and a girl and only get a two bedroom. They would not be able to rent to you. In a homeowner situation it only becomes an issue if CPS is involved in your business some how and the children are older than 6, then they are required to have their own rooms.

Sylvia - posted on 12/27/2010

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I don't see how there could possibly be a problem with opposite-sex room-sharing for a two- and a four-year-old. It's not like they're teenagers. Besides, think about all the places around the world where nobody has their own room and everyone lives to tell the tale! (My little brother and I shared a room for a year when we were 3 and 7, because we were on sabbatical living in a 4-room flat in Europe instead of our slightly absurd 4-bedroom North American house. We also bathed together because of the water shortage. My parents slept on a hide-a-bed in the den, because DB and I had the flat's only actual bedroom. Everyone survived.) So if you think that's the best way to go, by all means go for it.

Of course, I also think your initial premise that kids don't belong in their parents' rooms is slightly absurd, but that may be because until my daughter was four and a half we lived in a one-bedroom flat, where the bedroom wasn't our bedroom or her bedroom, just "the bedroom". (She now has her own room, but oddly enough our bedroom is still called "the bedroom" :D) When you live in a smaller space -- our new, bigger place is 800 square feet -- your expectations of how much private space you need also get a lot smaller. We spent 6 months trying to get pregnant earlier this year, and if we'd succeeded you can bet DD and her younger sibling would have ended up sharing a room once s/he was out of our bed, irrespective of gender.

Jodi - posted on 12/27/2010

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When we go on holidays later this month, our 3 kids (the 18 year old is not coming with us) are all sharing a room in our accommodation - 2 pubescent boys and a 5 year old girl. I don't see an issue with it - they can have their privacy in the bathroom if they need it. OK, it is only short term, but the sexes sharing bedrooms is only an issue if you make it one, especially at such a young age.

Jodi - posted on 12/27/2010

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Wow, Sherri, that sounds ridiculous!!!

besides, how are they REALLY going to know which kids are sharing with which anyway?

Sherri - posted on 12/27/2010

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I agree with you Lissa but in the US most rental properties will can not rent to families unless opposite sex children haven separate bedrooms. I don't know why but it is that way?

Karen - posted on 12/27/2010

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Let the two older ones share. They are still young enough that it should work. It will take some work to get them to settle down at first, but they figure it out.

I was 5 when twins were added to our family in a 2 bedroom house. Kindergarten was very hard for me because the babies had woken me up during the night and I wasn't rested to go to school. From that standpoint, putting a baby in with an older child is very hard on the older child.

Lissa - posted on 12/27/2010

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My youngest two share a room (5 year old boy, 6year old girl) and my teenager has his own room. My youngest two did have their own rooms but every morning they were curled up together. In the end we asked them if they wanted to share a room. My brother and I shared a room for a long time as my sister was 10 years older and parents felt she needed her own space. I think it's ridiculous now the way people act like boys and girls sharing a room when they are young is going to scar them for life. Sharing a room with a different sex doesn't make kids sexual which seems to be the thinking behind not sharing. If they were teenagers it would be different because teenagers need privacy.
There certainly is no law against it in the UK but in housing association houses have their own age limits on opposites sexes and give you bigger houses as your children reach that age. My goodness if there was a law against it and you can't afford a bigger house what do you do, put a child up for adoption, that's ridiculous. Are the social services going to remove a child because they are sharing a room??

Sarah - posted on 12/27/2010

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My Boys now 2 and 4 were in the same room once the youngest was 8 weeks old. It was very rare for the oldest to be woken up by the youngest - even if I went in to settle him. I'm due in March and we have decided to have baby in our room due to the size of the children's bedroom - we may then decide at a later time, to allow the children to have our room and we will have theirs as our's is slightly bigger. Then all 3 will share - no matter what the sex of the 3rd one is.
My sister in law has a 9, 8 and 6 year girls and a 1 year old boy - all in the same room and none of them distrub each other.

Wendy - posted on 12/27/2010

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Ladies first let me say i shared a room with my brother untill i was 11 we were poor and it was a long time ago no problem we were and still are close.......however if im not mistaken today boys and girls are not to share a room...its ether the law or stated by childrens aid and frowned appon....not sure were you live but i would look further for info....

Amy - posted on 12/27/2010

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I wouldn't mind my 4 year old helping, but I'd hate for her to be up all night with her having preschool and baby maybe up all night crying with teeth. I think I will go with older siblings together until the same genders are old enough to share a room. Now to get my little guy into his big boy bed.....

Hailey - posted on 12/27/2010

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You are right they are not teenagers! i think the people that told you they cant share a room should be a bit more considerate to your situation. Its difficult, i am in exactly the same situation, 4 year old girl, 2 year old boy and im due in July. For me its more about toys and room decorating so il wait and see if its a boy or girl and put the two boys together or the two girls. For the sleeping part they both sleep in my bed so its not a problem and the baby will to if i cant get it to sleep in moses basket without screaming! Try and build the trust with your little girl, use the time till your due setting up a baby in a crib in her room and use rewards if she leaves it and comes and gets you instead but then she can help. She will love that you trust her. See how it is and if the baby keeps her up, let the baby have a room to its self.

Kate CP - posted on 12/27/2010

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Yea, I'd switch him to a big boy bed. I switched my daughter the first time she crawled out of her's because I was afraid she'd hurt herself. :/

But yea, one big switch at a time. Bed first, wait a few months, then move them in together. But give yourself (and them) enough time to acclimate to the change before baby arrives.

Amy - posted on 12/27/2010

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Should I switch him to a big boy bed in his room and then once he's used to it, then move their bedrooms together? He's still in the crib - though knows how to climb out quite well.

Kate CP - posted on 12/27/2010

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Put the older kids together. It'll take a while to settle them in together but they'll be fine.

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