Why are people in such a panic for toddlers to learn things in short time?

Hope - posted on 05/26/2009 ( 25 moms have responded )

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Ok this has weighted on my mind? I don't want to mention names or anything but people I know well or talk to seem to be in such a panic for my daughter to be walking on her own,,for one she is walking but hanging on to furniture and she is getting brave at standing on her own she is 15months old but whats the damn panic? and I got told that a child's motor skills has nothing to do with intellect. But then I feel my daughter gets compared to other kids...I got this well this kid walked at 10 months or 8 months. GOOD for them...My daughter will walk when she is ready and comfortable. She is like her mommy she will do things when she feels ready.

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Jeanne - posted on 05/26/2009

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First of all if your daughter is walking hanging on to furniture she'll be up and running any minute now and if she hits her milestones within the excepted range I wouldn't sweat it. A lot of people see their kids hitting their milestones as a bragging right. They mean well and don't realize they are upsetting you in the process when they brag about their kids. If it upsets you just tell them what you said here...."She will do things when she is good and ready". Both of my kids were advanced on a lot of things but late on others. My daughter slept through the night at six weeks, my son who is 18 months old is only now starting to sleep through the night consitently. My daughter gave up the pacifier at 3 months, my son would never take one once we left the hospital. My daughter's fine motor skills developped later than my sons, but my daughter has been talking since she was 15 months old and my son now at 18 months only says a few words. So two kids with the same parents raised in the same household differ greatly on their milestones....but that is just who they are and we love them for it....it makes things interesting.

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Aimee - posted on 05/29/2009

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Had that happen, too! People totally forget appropriate ages. As for trying to boost their toddler, a lot of time it's priorities! And "firsts." After twin boys I wasn't volunteering too much help with walking for my baby girl. I knew "that one" would come sooner than I wanted.
I can't believe my 26 mo. old after 3 mos. of part-time Montessori is speaking 8-9 word sentences. She said one to two words at a time right before two. If anyone has the extra cash, go that route!

Hope - posted on 05/29/2009

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by the way I know that was kind of off topic but I was going to make a post about that actually..The Know it all people..Who think they have all the answers. Hmm maybe thats under my pet peeve post. LOL

Hope - posted on 05/29/2009

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Well I can't stand some people who think they are mother of the year...and plain know it all's I knew someone like that..she would put her opinion in to other people. She was like a text book mom EVERYTHING by the book..well HELLO!! the book is just a general guide line for information what works for one kid..doesn't mean its going to work for all kids. GEEZ

[deleted account]

Hurray for you! I get so stinking sick of this "my kid does blahblah, why doesn't yours?" crap. I'm on child number 4 and they do it when they are darn good and ready no matter how much you fret and squawk and hand wring. I had one that walked at 15 months and one that took her first steps at 9 months. I had one that taught herself to read at 4 and one that wasn't remotely ready to learn until she was 7 1/2. Unless there clearly is an issue of some kind (which your doctor will normally tell you) the range of "normal" is huge. I have never understood that mentality that wants to make other people feel bad that their kids do thus-and-so earlier. Am I supposed to think someone is a better mom because her kid walked at 10 months? As if she had any control over that whatsoever? Puh-leeze. Just ignore them.

Shelly - posted on 05/28/2009

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Hope,

Part of the problem is that we are living in a fast food world and we want everything now!!! We have forgotten that delayed gratifacation is best. We have lost our sight when it comes to apprisiating (sp?) the work that goes into what ever we do...We have gotten so much into NOW NOW NOW that we forget that life is not that short We have forgotten how to enjoy life and the small things that that brings...We need to learn how to stop and smell the roses once again...

Hope - posted on 05/28/2009

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Thats like me I think I was told that I didn't walk til I was a year in a half almost 2..but I had developmental delays due to some health problems. But when I walked I was told I never crawled as soon as I got the idea of how to use my legs..I ran all around my aunt and uncles place. lol

Helen - posted on 05/28/2009

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ps my husband did not walk until he was 2 years 4 months and is one of the smartest people i know ( he was just clever enough to let people carry him everywhere!!!)

Helen - posted on 05/28/2009

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I think some mums just feel insecure and want to show that they are good mums through their childrens achievements. Children are so different. i know a little girl who is 2 weeks older than my son who started to cruse at 6 months and walk at 7 months. She is now 11 months and walks everywhere but she can only say dada. My so however has only crawled for 2 weeks now and is no where near to walking but he already has 8 words. there is no point in comparing because at this age there is no "average child"

Cathelijn - posted on 05/28/2009

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I so Agree with you! my daughter is only 6 months now and everyone keeps asking me why she can't sit on her own yet and telling me their babies could sit on their own at 3 months! I don't really care to be honest I think lots of people just make it up to show off like it shows how good a parent you are if your child does everything early... And it has nothing to do with intelect my brother did everything so late he didn't walk or talk for a long time and then he couldn't ride a bike or walk the stairs on his own for another long time he just wanted perfection he is fine now skipped a grade at school and just graduated from university, we still tease him about it though! thats what happens with 2 big sisters :-)

K - posted on 05/27/2009

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I completely understand. My daughter walked and climb everything at 9 months but my son just started walking last week at 19 months old. The funny thing is once he started he ready took off. Today he even said, "I want o' walk" when I got him out of the car to go to the zoo. I had many friends tell me that I should work with him more or that something was wrong with him. I wish that people would just try to be more supportive to each other.

[deleted account]

I agree with the idea that every child is different. You could have 10 kids and all of them will hit milestones at different times. All will be better at something that a sibling is not. I think the comparison thing is something we all do to some extent, with our friends kids and ours or even within our own families. It is hard not to. I have twin boys and an older son and while I shouldn't compare the twins, it is hard not to. One has been behind developmentally a little due to a heart surgery at 4 months and I worry that he will not catch up. He is on average 2 months behind his twin in hitting milestones. But knowing what the milestone age range is for X milestone and Y milestone, it helps me to realize he will get it, that he is developing in one area more than another.

I do firmly believe though that being aware of the milestone ages and not letting too much time pass if one or more are not hit, that you should talk to your doctor or early intervention. The earlier a developmental issue is solved, the better off the child is. So in this regard, I can see how talking with other moms and hearing what the kids are doing is a good thing. Sometimes it informs us of something we missed, or gives us ideas on how to help our child master a new task.

Liorah - posted on 05/27/2009

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Ignore them all. You follow you're own intuition. Most of the time people are excited for her to walk. Still, there are a lot of know it all moms and grandparents. Just smile and thing "bless thier heart" I learned that when I moved to the south LOL.

Libby - posted on 05/27/2009

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Don't stress. In fact, just ignore those people. I know people want to compare their children and try to figure out if your child has his their milestones when they *think* they should. But really, every child is different. No matter if they're full term, preemie, etc. This is really only a discussion you and your spouse need to have with your pediatrician. If you have concerns or if you doctor has concerns then that warrants a discussion. Otherwise just enjoy each stage or your child's development!

Emily - posted on 05/27/2009

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I think some people exaggerate their toddlers achievements too. I had one lady ask why my 16 month old wasnt talking yet. I said "umm...because he's only 16 months old?" And she proceeded to tell me that when her daughter was 13 months old, she could put together full sentences. Like when they left the house, her THIRTEEN month old would say "hey mom! don't forget your purse, we'll be locked out!" I was like....are you kidding me lady? So you mean to tell me your 13 month old knew verbs, contractions and that sort of logic? hahaha, it was hilarious, the lady was lying through her teeth about her daughters "amazing capabilities."

Sarah - posted on 05/27/2009

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when i got pregnant my friend gave the best and only advice that i took from another person, and that was: Don't take any advice!!! you know your child best and what's best for your child!
(obviously advice from doctors and stuff is helpful, it's more referring to others mum's!!) :)

Hope - posted on 05/27/2009

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Well this might be off topic to my post but what also botherd me well wait maybe it isn't much off topic..but it seems like it was made out that I don;t encourage her enough,..not rush or push her but just a little encouragement..and it seemed like I was a bad mother I don't encourage my daughter enough to walk..and I get told to do this and that..UGHRR just leave me alone and let me learn from experience and be a mom. I know they mean well and I appreciate it but sometimes it gets to be too much. But I mean they aren't around me and my daughter 24/7 to even know enough whether I encourage her or not. So why make opinions. Its like someone tried to insist that my daughter wasn't getting enough to eat..I ALMOST blew my top with that person saying "EXCUSE ME"?????? I make sure she has enough..The doctor would have had complaints or concerns..but they say she is healthy and thriving even in her milestones so I must be doing something right for a first time mom.

Sarah - posted on 05/27/2009

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urgh! it's so annoying when people are like that!! my MIL was the worst culprit! all her kids did EVERYTHING super earl according to her!! with my first i was worried about 'milestones' and all that, but with my 2nd i've been way more laid back, mainly coz i want her to stay a teeny baby forever!! it's certainly nothing to do with intellect! jeez, everyone is different and even as adults we learn at different rates etc! try not to let it get you down!! :)

[deleted account]

The earlier they walk the sooner you have to chase them, I don't know why people think thats a good thing!

I think it comes mostly from 1st time mothers. They will get a big surprise with child #2 because every little you learned from the first, ever seems to apply to the second. All kids are different.

[deleted account]

Next time someone gives you crap about your daughter not walking yet at 15 months, I think you should brag about how much longer you've had to relax....as in, not chasing her EVERYWHERE! Her not getting into EVERYTHING, etc. LOL I can't stand it when people compare children. I have a friend that was pregnant at the same time as me and her daughter is a month younger than my son. From time to time we put our heads together and we do compare, but we do it to see what they ARE doing, not what they aren't. Like my son walked at 10 months and her daughter didn't walk until 14 months. But her daughter started speaking in 2 word sentences at 12 months and my son still isn't really talking. Each is right where they "should" be and each is excelling in different, very normal ways. That's about the only healthy way I see to compare children. Other than that, you're just setting yourself up for huge disappointments when your child doesn't do what "so and so's" child did months ago......I say relax and enjoy this time with your daughter because one day soon she'll be running and you'll be running after her....constantly......lol

Hope - posted on 05/27/2009

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Well not sure if I mentioned above my mom has told me something..just cause some babies are more advanced than other kids in some area;s of their milestones "HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH INTELLECT"!! doesn't make a kid any smarter than one child cause they do thing a little sooner. I try to put that into my head if anyone does compare their child to mine, like one time someone did compare their kid once to mine cause her kid was a little advanced in some area's I guess the mother lion came out in me I got a little snippy with her.

Sheila - posted on 05/26/2009

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I like Jeanne's post here, absolutely right. I feel that my daughter is very ahead in a lot of things but I don't tend to talk about it, they all develop at their own rate, and I still get people saying she should be doing this, that and the other. I posted a similar article to the one mentioned above here on her website. Funny enough no one has commented since.
I find that people at my playgroup compare their kids to Zoe because she is so early to do (most) things so that's why I don't talk about it.

Hope - posted on 05/26/2009

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Thanks Amie for your honest response and thank you for the article..as I am reading it now..what you said sounds very logical to me.

Amie - posted on 05/26/2009

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Most people don't realize it's completely normal for a baby not to walk for quite some time. The ages at which it is considered normal for babies to start walking is anywhere from 9 months up to 18 months. While it's well intentioned I'm sure it can be annoying. Let them know she's developing fine and if they want to read some more on it print this article out for them: http://www.babycenter.com/0_developmenta...

Enjoy it while it lasts too! One day she'll decide she's ready and there's no going back. lol! She will be off like a shot and hardly ever sit still.... that's when the fun begins. = )

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