why do children say they hate you when you know its not true

Natasha - posted on 04/29/2009

Because they are just angry they and they may not have got their own way with something.

Lynda - posted on 04/28/2009

to punish you! whatever they do we love them unconditionally but words hurt i would just reply " WELL I LOVE YOU LOADS "

Amanda - posted on 04/28/2009

how old are your daughters, mines eight, dad says he'll vet them at the door but if they ever stay over they would have to be married to share a room.

Rachel - posted on 04/28/2009

lol....my hubby reckons when our daughters bring home a boyfriend he is going to offer them a beer... when they have finished that , he is going to say" well you may as well have another one, because you arn't going anywhere now, you are over the limit." end of date

Amanda - posted on 04/28/2009

16 at this rate she will not get to sixteen and as for a boyfiend he'll have to get past daddy first

Rachel - posted on 04/28/2009

i feel your hurt amanda, ive also had this one thrown at me oh and another goodie is, you dont love me , you never have!!!! usually with doors slammed or stomping feet.....

It is a childs way of pulling a trump card i guess. The best you can do is try to detach yourself from the emotion... i know this is hard, and yes you will feel like a crap mum.... thats the idea behind the " i hate you" so then you may give in to whatever the i hate you was generated from......like a tantrum with words.... i think the way you manage it should be based on the child aswell. .... with my eldest , she is very smart, i told her," i know thats not true, but because you are deliberatly trying to hurt my feelings i would like you to go into your room for some think time... you are not welcome out untill you can be nice and apologize.Then we will talk....My eldest son has also pulled this one out of his bag of tricks....im sure its something they learn at school from the kid code book..lol..But im ppretty certain, she doesnt really hate you.....well not untill you ban her boyfriend when she's 16...lol

Amanda - posted on 04/28/2009

thankyou will give it a go i do say i love her anyway but when you hear it often in one day it makes you feel like a really crap mum.

Alexandria - posted on 04/28/2009

They're just expressing their emotions into words. When my daughter said that, I always replied w/ "Well I love you!" Sometimes I also said that that makes me sad to hear you say that or that it hurts my feelings. Surprisingly, kids can be very manipulative in hopes that what they say or do will get them what they want in the end. When you show them it doesn't work, eventually they'll stop trying that method but they don't give up easily. lol! I've also told her that saying or doing that will not get you what you want.

Lorenda - posted on 04/28/2009

I agree with Michelle, some times when they are older its just a way to make you feel as bad as they feel. hang in there no one ever said beeing a mom was very easy..

Amanda - posted on 04/28/2009

Quoting [no name]:

Because they know it will upset you.
No other reason when they r really small its just how they express themselves they dont understand what it means they r just angry.

my daughter is 8 i'd have thought that she would know that it isn't right to say it. i know she is trying to hurt me and that she is angry at something i just don't know how to teach her not to say it or wether to let her see how much she is hurting me when she says it.

Michelle - posted on 04/28/2009

Because they know it will upset you.

No other reason when they r really small its just how they express themselves they dont understand what it means they r just angry.