why do i feel so sad while i express milk?

Dawn-Marie - posted on 01/24/2010

Iysha-just wanted to say thanks for your reply. My son is just over a year old and I haven't told anyone how I felt when I breastfed for a few months. I too didn't make enough. He wasn't gaining enough weight per the pediatrician. So I breastfed, then bottle fed, then pumped. It made me a lunatic. I hated myself because EVERYONE kept saying how breast was best. I felt like such a loser for not being able to do what was supposed to come naturally. I loathed my breast pump. I ached every time I looked at bagged milk in the fridge. I detested the formula that seemed to sneer at me like it had won the battle. I know, I sound crazy. I finally did tell my ob nurse at my 6 month appt. She said she thought it might be a bit of Post partum blues too. I was shocked. I didn't want to kill my baby or myself. That's what I'd thought PPD was after hearing about it from Brooke Sheilds. The nurse gave me a prescription that helped me through the rough patch. I still have pangs of regret when I see others nursing or when I rock my sweet boy to sleep with his bottle at night. I know or hope that when he's graduating from kindergarten or college someday, I will be ok with my lack of ability to lactate. Thanks again for being so open and honest on here:)

Ria - posted on 01/24/2010

Ms. Claire, ya its a relief to find out what it was all about. The sacrifices of being a mother seem to be endless ...

Rebecca - posted on 01/23/2010

I used to get that exact feeling when I was breastfeeding my second child, but when I mentioned it to anyone, no one seemed to know what I was on about. Nice to know there is a reason for it, after all. Hope it all works out for you. :)

Iysha - posted on 01/22/2010

I honestly hated pumping because I felt horrible doing it. I hated my boobs, i hated that I couldn't make enough for my baby, i hated that I had to do it (well, felt like I had to), and just didn't want to do it. I would look at the clock and just automatically get in a bad mood because I knew I had to pump soon. I was so upset that my Fiance threw the term Post Pardom Depression at me quite a few times.



For me, the answer was just to stop. For me, It wasn't productive at all and it was making me feel crazy. I started to just give my daughter formula instead of just supplementing ( It was like I was formula feeding and supplementing with breastmilk than the other way around anyway). That made me a whole lot happier and I felt like had more time to enjoy my daughter and my new family.

Ria - posted on 01/22/2010

Ms, Cissna and Ms.Sapriken, thank you so much for suggesting that website, It is so informative and helpful. I feel ashamed to talk about my situation with others cause I was thinking i was the only one going through these emotions. What a relief to read about mothers going through the same experience.And now i realize that even the extreme thirst that i always feel is part of D-MER.I am normal. What a reassurance. Now i can have peace of mind, i just wish i have discovered this site earlier. As women, we really have a lot of concerns and emotions our men just don't understand. they often dismiss those feelings as a state of mind, that is why I often hesitate before sharing my emotions wit my husband, he simply wouldn't understand what mothers go through. Looking forward to more informative and helpful sharing among mothers!

Ria - posted on 01/22/2010

Thanks ms flynn! that is so true, i find myself very thirsty all the so i try to drink as much as i can. God bless your family too!

Mel - posted on 01/21/2010

Could be. I got sick of sittng upright i an uncomfortable positon expressing milk for an hour each feed so I stopped and switched to formula. Maybe just breast feed or formula feed and express as littl as you have to. No need to do something that makes you sad sweetheart

Johnny - posted on 01/21/2010

I was also going to mention D-MER and the support site. Even if that is not what is causing it, they can give you some great tips on how to handle those feelings.

I experience nausea sometimes when I pump. Just this overwhelming sense that I'm going to vomit. For me, the cure was simply standing up while pumping. Don't know why it works, but it did.

Dena - posted on 01/21/2010

Sounds like Dysphoric milk ejection reflex. See D-MER.org. It has to do with dopamine release/drop during let down. Becoming more common these days. Hope you feel better!

Marianella - posted on 01/21/2010

When a woman is nursing a lot of the oils in your body that actually regulate your moods leave with the milk. Also make sure you are drinking lots of water as in 10 glasses a day because just that makes a huge difference! If you want more info for depression, just look up this awesome book, THE WATER CURE it will blow you away and it really works! Best of luck to you and your family. God Bless!

Ria - posted on 01/20/2010

It's just great to know I wasn't alone in this experience. thank you so much!

Ria - posted on 01/20/2010

I am not alone! that is a relief, i thought there is something wrong with me. Thank you for the kind words!

Angela - posted on 01/19/2010

I TOTALLY get what you are talking about! I had a really hard time breast feeding and in the end just didn't work. From the first pump to the last pump I would get this horrible feeling come over me. In the end, it was what made me decide to go with formula. The loneliness and inadequate feelings were tough to work through and I tried to read, listen to music anything to take my mind off of it. And forget even having him in the room with me when I did, it made it worse. Sum it up to baby blues my dear and don't worry... they will go away :) Hang in there and remember that pumping is still providing your baby the nutrients and goodness he/she needs! Don't ever feel bad that you are doing this!!!

Dana - posted on 01/19/2010

Poor thing, I feel for you. It could be your hormones or baby blues as some people suggested above. In either case, talk to your husband and also your doctor.

There's a homeopathic remedy that helped me tremendously with the baby blues. I used Sepia 30C when I was absolutely inconsolable after my son was born. Or a tissue salt called Kali Phos, which is a nerve nutrient. Completely safe as homeopathic remedies are extremely low concentrations. I know some people don't believe in these remedies, so they're probably not for everyone, but if you are into that sort of thing (natural remedies), it could be worth a try. They did work for me, even though I didn't believe in them.

Good luck and remember: you're the best mother your child could ever wish to have :-)

Aundrea - posted on 01/19/2010

Post Partum Blues may be a cause so can alot of other things...including but not limited to guilt you are pumping instead of breastfeeding...seperation anxiety...and a whole list of other things. Most important thing is to listen to yourself and your body. If you get the blues only when pumping then maybe your body or emotions are trying to tell you not to pump...in which case maybe you should take a break from pumping for a few days. Or maybe sit and try to reflect on what may be bothering you about pumping. If it is happening in other areas as well or if you are feeling overwhelmed or generally stressed or depressed then I urge you to take some you time as it may be post partum. If it gets worse then contact your physician. But if it is just when pumping then maybe pumping just isnt for you in which case you can always suplement with formula. Better that and you stay happy and healthy for your baby then to be sad and depressed :O)

Tabb - posted on 01/19/2010

Oh My Goodness!! I had the same thing going on when I was nursing my last child. I LOVED to nurse him and to breastfeed. He loved it and done SO well *as far as latching on and being a PRO!) But every time I nursed him, or pumped, I got so unbelievably sad! So depresed, I had NO reason to have these feelings, but it was awful, I never talked to anyone about it, but it is nice to know that I wasn't the only one who had these feelings. I dont' know what it was or why I felt that way, maybe it was (and is for you) the post partum blues. I hope you figure it out and get over it, talk to your Gyno about it, maybe she can help you cope with it...Best of Luck!!

Angie - posted on 01/19/2010

You've mentioned before that you don't want to pump for your child anymore becaus it exhausts you. Is it possible that you want to stay home with your child? If that's what you're feeling do some real soul searching with your husband and see if it is possible for you to stay home with your children.

Carly - posted on 01/19/2010

Are you pumping just in case or are you preparing to leave you baby somewhere. If you are getting ready to go to work it may be the idea of being away that is causing the sadness. best wishes if you don't have to pump don't. If you have no plan to be away. you don't need more than a few bottles in the freezer just in case.

Tara - posted on 01/19/2010

hormones lol really thats all it is it might be a bit of baby blues too which is ok as long as it doesnt become more or last very long it runs with the same hormones as milk leaking whenever you hear a baby cry talk to ob if you feel its serious or doesnt start getting better after a few weeks