Why do parents allow their children to run wild??

Erinn - posted on 06/12/2009 ( 31 moms have responded )

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There have been several situations where older children are allowed to run wild and have almost knocked my little guy over (once he actually did get knocked over!) It pisses me off!! Why don't parents have more control over their children?

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Katie - posted on 06/13/2009

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It's all about the intervention though - All kids will have their moments of misbehaving, the judgment comes from "on-lookers" when you don't step in and let your child know their behavior is not acceptable, fallowed by appropriate discipline. That's our job as a parent - to teach them how to live in this world and teach them what is okay and what is not okay to do. I tell my my almost 1 year old the same way I tell my 3 year old when he is doing something that is not nice. He gets it and will eventually know all I am saying if I am consistent. He may not fully understand each word, but he knows I mean "no". Consistency, consistency, consistency. It's our job.



It's kind of like potty training - if you don't keep taking them to the potty when they need to go, we'll have to learn the hard way and it will be a messy, messy ride.

Francesca - posted on 06/13/2009

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Quoting Gina:

I do understand that some parents have to deal with children with disabilities and adhd, I also have worked with special ed. kids for the last 3 years and I know that they know how to behave also. They are actually a WHOLE lot smarter than even their parents think sometimes, They learn how to manipulate their parents just like regular kids. Not saying that all of them are that way, because I know they aren't. Yes there are some exceptions on the way they act, but for the most part, they are good kids. They just need to be guided also. I think what most of us are trying to say though is that there are kids that have no respect, like a few we have at my school, that are in first grade are cussing out teachers, kicking, and biting adults and it happens continuously and the parents think that it is no big deal. Those are the kind of parents that I think are crappy ones.



I agree with you all. it does my head in when you see kids roaming the streets causing havoc. but i do feel its how they are brought up. my stepson has aspergers and its hard work tying to keep him under control(when out), more so when we haven't seen him all week. its like he gets away with stuff at home and he tries it here too. we dont allow any naughty behaviour. he is very clever and we find explaining to him what we dont tolerate it seems to help him.



its hard sometimes because people just assume he's just being "naughty" but sometimes he just gets so excited.

Amie - posted on 06/13/2009

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There's a difference between letting kids be kids and having them run around like mad men. Some of the stories in this thread shocked me. The lawsuit one the most... they never should have won!
I do let my kids run around and be kids but they are respectful about it. They've never run around in restaurants, that's just bad manners. They've never run down little kids, they know better and watch out for younger kids. They also know that I have no qualms about dragging their butts home if they don't behave. I will not yell at them in public and it has nothing to do with what others think. I'm more of the mind if they are not going to behave then they don't get to do the activity so we go home.
The parents that piss me off are the ones that preach at you about oh your kids shouldn't be doing that. Then you look at their kids and they are the little boogers teaching other kids these nasty habits. Stop preaching and go deal with your own kids.

[deleted account]

In my observation: laziness, guilt, immaturity, lack of good parenting modeled for them, lack of confidence in their parental authority, lack of caring about who their child hurts or annoys or, very often, parents who spend so little time with their children that the child does not see them as an authority figure. If a person is rarely with their child and rarely takes them anywhere, the child understandably has no idea how to act in polite company because they have never been trained.

Katie - posted on 06/13/2009

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Thanks Erinn! It was ADORABLE!



Also PP's - I think the majority of us agree that it's not the "wild" behavior that is the concern - it's when the wild behavior is disrespecting someone in a negative way and it's not corrected by their parent/caregiver. ALL kids need "wild time" with boundaries!



Just my two cents. :)

[deleted account]

CAN PARENTS EVER WIN? I don't agree whith allowing children to run wild all the time, but there are others out there who will say "let him run" "let him be a kid". Some say I'm too strict and others say I let mine go wild. The truth is, there is no standard of right and wrong anymore where kids are concerned. At one time all children were expected to do X,Y,Z, but they also had more freedom too run about too. Things have changed and people don't know what to do anymore. It does annoy me though when I'm trying to make mine behave and he wants to copy the kids whos parents let them do whatever they want.

Erinn - posted on 06/13/2009

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That is toooo cute Katie.... I would love to see your little man say that to the older out of control kids..... tooooo adorable!! :)

Alison - posted on 06/13/2009

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i think we live a society that says its ok for our children to walk all our us! im god help us if we dare to discipline our children they are human beings that require nuturing end being allowed to express their views!!! well i say boolocks to that bring back the good old days where children respected their elders and were more inclined to do as they were told because they knews the consequences

Mary - posted on 06/13/2009

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My oldest daughter of our 6 is now almost 25 and a college student! I'm SO PROUD!!



This girl was born with Ataxic Cerebral Palsy. Today she has avery sharp mind. But physically she struggles. Just a "hint" off of normal. It breaks my heart. Her mind is so beautiful and clever.

And so she is still a college student. She is just now leaving U of M, for U of A (Arkansas Wolves! Yeahh!!)



So then, please understand. I know ALL about kids needing room.

I agree with above (Cathrine) that it is a cop out whne kids say they can't help it.



But you know..the parents at the table really didn't care about what example their kids were seeing, I believe.



And that is what makes the difference. At least I hope it does. ; )

[deleted account]

Quoting Gina:

I do understand that some parents have to deal with children with disabilities and adhd, I also have worked with special ed. kids for the last 3 years and I know that they know how to behave also. They are actually a WHOLE lot smarter than even their parents think sometimes, They learn how to manipulate their parents just like regular kids. Not saying that all of them are that way, because I know they aren't. Yes there are some exceptions on the way they act, but for the most part, they are good kids. They just need to be guided also. I think what most of us are trying to say though is that there are kids that have no respect, like a few we have at my school, that are in first grade are cussing out teachers, kicking, and biting adults and it happens continuously and the parents think that it is no big deal. Those are the kind of parents that I think are crappy ones.


I completely agree. My eldest has high functioning autism. He does have occasional meltdowns which are not something you can control. Generally though he's a very well behaved and polite little boy. I'm not scared to tell him off when he steps out of line in public. It's a cop out when parents say there kids can't help it. The parents I know with kids who really can't control their behaviour are usually right on top of their kids, apologizing to everyone as they go.



I find it highly amusing when people hold my son up as an example of good behaviour when "regular" kids run wild.

Angel - posted on 06/12/2009

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I admit I let my son have more freedom in public places but he must respect those around him. If we are at the mall and waiting in line he gets high energy, if no one close around and he's moderately quiet he's aloud to expend his energy. Once anyone else approaches our area his activity must stop immediately.

At our local mall food court we will sit away from others as much as possible so he can enjoy his new toy from the kids meal. We sometimes get looks but I make him respect boundaries of others and he is expected to apologize if he crosses the line. Not just to me but whoever was near him.

I believe kids can and should learn they can have fun if they know how to reel it in as necessary. I also think I've gotten looks of good job for giving him some slack but correcting him.

I do this because I see kids run amok and it drives me crazy. These kids don't have any outlet so they misbehave from pent up excitement.

Jocelyn - posted on 06/12/2009

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Quoting Mary:

Also,
having raised 6 kids causes me to go Commando-Momma on unruly, unsupervised kids.
Last summer I had my little nephews at the local pool. Big kids charging into little kids needs a correcting assertive voice, like "No sir young men. You are NOT allowed to run wild near these babies!"
Don't feel afraid or intimidated by somebodys elses unsupervised children.
If they are being thrown into the general public then the general public has a right to have a voice if a small child could be hurt by horseplay.
Find your voice young mommas! You can do it! Be firm, LOUD, and yet in a freaky kind of nice way. They won't know what hit them and they will know you are not to be messed with and will take care not to come back near your little ones.
If their lazy mommas get upset, too bad. You did YOUR job to you and yours and that is all that matters at the end of the day. No band-aids today, my friend. ;)


i actually had to yell at a kid in the change room at the pool this evening, while his father stood by and didn't do anything...(well that's not true...he continued his shower!)   but he listened to me! score one--me, lazy father--zero!

Traci - posted on 06/12/2009

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Parents are lazy. They are more concerned with their own activities than what their children are doing.

Mary - posted on 06/12/2009

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Also,

having raised 6 kids causes me to go Commando-Momma on unruly, unsupervised kids.

Last summer I had my little nephews at the local pool. Big kids charging into little kids needs a correcting assertive voice, like "No sir young men. You are NOT allowed to run wild near these babies!"

Don't feel afraid or intimidated by somebodys elses unsupervised children.

If they are being thrown into the general public then the general public has a right to have a voice if a small child could be hurt by horseplay.

Find your voice young mommas! You can do it! Be firm, LOUD, and yet in a freaky kind of nice way. They won't know what hit them and they will know you are not to be messed with and will take care not to come back near your little ones.

If their lazy mommas get upset, too bad. You did YOUR job to you and yours and that is all that matters at the end of the day. No band-aids today, my friend. ;)

Mary - posted on 06/12/2009

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I used to wait tables (I am also a mom of 6 kids). Years ago when I worked at O'Charleys there was this big table having a family b-day for an old aunt (about 20 ppl). There were lots of kids at this table (about 6 or 7). But there were 2 really wild ones that would not stay in their seat and they were siblings. They ran wild through the whole restraunt. Nearly knocking into servers carrying heavy trays.

Finally our manager warned the table about their behaviour. We were trying to get them out of there quick since they were done eating. But the adults (including the parents) were having cocktails.

Well....it had to happen. One of the wild kids knock over a waitress carrying a sizzling tray with 3 Fajita platters on it. One child and the waitress was burned (painfully but not badly). The parents filed a lawsuit and actually won.

So with this kind of world, why not let your kids run like wild ass hogs in public places?? It actually PAYS. :/

Dawn - posted on 06/12/2009

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I think this is a bit judgemental. Yes, there are times when others' kids have driven me batty with their behavior, but unless you are around that child frequently and know what is going on in their life and the parents' discipline style...should you really judge? How do you know it isn't just a really bad day? I have three kids and they are well behaved and well disciplined...and yet, on RARE occasion I have been the woman you would pity (or judge) at the store with kids acting in ways they shouldn't. I think we all have. When it happens, I take the kids and leave...and they do receive consequences for their bad behavior. But, the people staring at me in the store have no idea what those consequences will be.

There are, of course, notable exceptions...some of which are listed as examples by others in this thread. But, please, remember not to judge too harshly as tomorrow it may be YOU with the kid who didn't sleep well the night before and decided to throw a temper tantrum in the middle of the aisle! :)

Kelly - posted on 06/12/2009

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I tend to agree with Betsy. I think it is pure laziness on the part of the parents. They are just too busy or tired or whatever to put forth the effort neccessary to raise children who are respectful of others. Now I know that a lot of moms have to work outside the home; I am not criticizing that at all. But I think the most important job for any parent is to teach their children how to be productive, useful, responsible, respectful citizens. If parents don't have time to focus on that, then they should re-examine their priorities. Unfortunately for society, too many parents think of their kids as a side note.

Katie - posted on 06/12/2009

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Even at parks some behavior is a "no-no" and parents should really pay attention to their older kids - We were playing at our favorite splash park and these 3 boys were with their mother (she didn't look like a "bad" mom at all) and they started slapping each other in the bottom and privates while calling one another ugly names. My 2 boys were the only other kids playing in the same waterfall and I just couldn't believe my boys were watching their every move like it was Barney on TV. This mom had her eyes on the boys the whole time and did NOT SAY A WORD to them when the boys almost hit my 3 year old in the face with their wet shirts that they were slapping each other with. She really must be crazy is my only guess. I can't stand people that don't teach their children to be respectful to others and especially they should teach them that they are roll models to all their younger peers and need to set a good example. You know? AHHHHHH! Hate it. I saw it as a great teaching time for me and my boys and I talked to them about that kind of bad behavior and how they were not being good friends to one another. I just wish they didn't see it though. Now my 3 year old asks if the boys are going to be at the park and said if they are there he will try and talk to them and tell them he does not like to see them hurt each other and maybe they could play a nice game like peek-a-boo! HAHAHA I love kids! SO cute.

Sharika - posted on 06/12/2009

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Quoting Gina:

I do understand that some parents have to deal with children with disabilities and adhd, I also have worked with special ed. kids for the last 3 years and I know that they know how to behave also. They are actually a WHOLE lot smarter than even their parents think sometimes, They learn how to manipulate their parents just like regular kids. Not saying that all of them are that way, because I know they aren't. Yes there are some exceptions on the way they act, but for the most part, they are good kids. They just need to be guided also. I think what most of us are trying to say though is that there are kids that have no respect, like a few we have at my school, that are in first grade are cussing out teachers, kicking, and biting adults and it happens continuously and the parents think that it is no big deal. Those are the kind of parents that I think are crappy ones.



 



I MOSTLY DEFINATELY AGREE WITH U ON THAT... NOW THAT IS JUST BAD PARENTING. A CHILD ONLY SAYS WHAT THEY HEAR  OLDER PEOPLE SAYING. I DONT THINK A PARENT SHOULD KEEP THEIR CHILD AROUND ALOT OF GROWN FOLK ANYWAYS.....





 

Gina - posted on 06/12/2009

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I do understand that some parents have to deal with children with disabilities and adhd, I also have worked with special ed. kids for the last 3 years and I know that they know how to behave also. They are actually a WHOLE lot smarter than even their parents think sometimes, They learn how to manipulate their parents just like regular kids. Not saying that all of them are that way, because I know they aren't. Yes there are some exceptions on the way they act, but for the most part, they are good kids. They just need to be guided also. I think what most of us are trying to say though is that there are kids that have no respect, like a few we have at my school, that are in first grade are cussing out teachers, kicking, and biting adults and it happens continuously and the parents think that it is no big deal. Those are the kind of parents that I think are crappy ones.

Veronica - posted on 06/12/2009

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I cannot stand it either - theres a time and place -- and even then sometimes i have to settle my kids down! People think of kids as if they are little adults - letting them rule the roost, make decisions etc. -- and yes, they have taken away our rights as parents as well. Unruly,spoiled brats are all you almost see all the time now a days - not a good thing - can you imagine them as adults? lol great post!

Jessica - posted on 06/12/2009

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That pisses me off to when parents let their children run like animals in public places. My son is 3 and don't get me wrong he can get roudy but there is a time and a place for it. If my son decides he wants to run like when we're grocery shopping the cart gets left wherever it's at and we leave especially if he doesn't listen to mom/dad. A lot of parents just don't care and don't want to discipline their children. My theory is let someone call the cops on me for disciplining my child. My child can make decisions but he will also learn there are consequences for some of his decisions in life whether they be good or bad consequences. I watched Super Nanny while I was pregnant with my son and let me tell you doing so helped with the discipline. Most of the time all I have to do is ask my son if he wants to go to time out and he says "NO" almost all the time and I tell him if he doesn't quit doing whatever he's doing that is naughty he will go to time out and he will stop doing whatever naughty thing he's doing. I don't care where I"m at he will go to time out screaming or not screaming

Sharika - posted on 06/12/2009

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I dont think some parents that do this are afraid of their kids i believe they are afraid of DISCIPLINING their kids in public all because of everybody looking down on discipling a child or also calling CPS. I do think there is a time and place to allow your kids to "run around" But u have to think about the parents dealing with kids with learning disabilities/adhd, etc. Its not about them being unfit parents and not controlling their kids because their isnt much they can do in that situation. Now Alot of us have came across them just not giving a flyin bird what their kids are doing to disrespect others and their kids now yes they need a parenting class i do agree. But all of us are human and no one is perfect and our child may get away for a quick sec and bother someone else eventually. Thats just my opinion not trying to shoot down anyone and what they think.

Donna - posted on 06/12/2009

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Parents are allowing their children to run wild because they are afraid of them. They have created little monsters that they are afraid of. The system has also taken the power away from parents. I have heard so many parents say that my child can call CPS on me and I will go to jail. We have taken the fear of the Lord out of the school and we expected it to get better, but It will get worse before it gets better

Gina - posted on 06/12/2009

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Their parents are stupid... That's why. They either think their kids can do no wrong, or they have no respect for other people to make their kids behave. You haven't seen anything until you've worked at a Elem. School, believe me... You should see what we have to put up with!

Erinn - posted on 06/12/2009

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I'm not referring to a park or some place outdoors... i'm referring to public areas where kids should NOT be running wild... like Nicole was saying.. the park is one thing... a store or restaurant is another!! Thanks for the compliment Betsy.. ;)

Betsy - posted on 06/12/2009

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My theory is that full attention and consistency is a lot of work. It makes much less work in the long run, up until adulthood, but it requires patience, time and effort, even at inconvenient times. BTW, that pic of your kids is adorable.

Nicole - posted on 06/12/2009

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I know! One time I went to get a smoothie and they have a long bench that runs the length of the restuarant with tables and chairs toward the front and just the bench toward the back to sit and wait for your order. Well, I was sitting there waiting, and this little boy, he must've been about 4, was RUNNING along the length of the bench, not on the floor, on the bench, where you sit! His parents were sitting down where the tables were and this child was running up and down all the way down to right next to where I was sitting. And his parents didn't say or do anything! They were just talking amongst themselves, totally ignoring him. And it's not his fault he's acting that way, it's his parents' fault for not correcting him! If that was my little boy his butt would've been black and blue!

Cathy - posted on 06/12/2009

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I guess it depends where this is happening...I let my 8 yr old run wild at the park, school yard, and backyards...anywhere else, it's not appropriate. Where are you referring to?

Angela - posted on 06/12/2009

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I am asking myself that same question!! Where is Super Nanny when you need her??

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