Why do people Harress new mothers?

Hope - posted on 05/01/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Hello there might have been a similar question but as I notice when you have your first child no matter how old you are..You feel like people Haress you. Like you should be doing this or doing that or just sticking thier nose where it doesn't belong. I mean I know I am a great mother and I am doing a great job looking after my daughter. But why is that people think they know everything or they are experts? But probably when you have a second child people leave you alone. It feels like people assume your a new mom she doesn't have one clue what she is doing? Hello I've read lots of parenting books for guides..advice from doctors and nurses. But I also listen to what my gut tells me too as a mother. Has anyone ever felt this too when they were new moms? Why can't people just leave new moms the hell alone?

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Angie - posted on 05/02/2009

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It is difficult but Lindsay is right, they mean well. I always tell new parents to remember that they do not have Dr. Sears child, or their friends' child, they have THEIR child and they need to follow their heart and do what they think it right. If something major is happening, they should consult their doctor.

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It's just like with any other major life event...like getting married or graduating college...everyone thinks they have found "THE KEY" to being successful at it and they feel the need to share their wisdom with you. Just take what people tell you with a grain of salt, some of the advice is good advice that you can try and some of it is like "OK WHATEVER" lol! Just know that most of the time, people's advice comes from good intentions and don't snap at them for trying to help. If someone is being persistent, maybe you can say something like "I really appreciate your advice but doing things this way works for us". That way you're not being rude or hurting someone's feelings. I know it's hard to hear everyone telling you how THEY did it or what THEY think is the best way to do something....just brush it off girl! You're doing fine! Listening to your gut is the best thing you can do.

Mel - posted on 05/02/2009

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i hate it too! my mum is the worst for it. i only have one but with what we've been thru with her i think we know alot and i still give friends that are first time mums advice and tell them what to do when baby has formula problems etc. i think i do it just because i dont want to see thier baby suffer unnecesarily

Hope - posted on 05/02/2009

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Well I don't mind the advice once in a while usually if I have a question I ask. But you all are right the only thing I can do is ignore it and go on my merry way. I guess it doesn't matter how many kids you have or how old they are people are always going to put their opinions in no matter what. I mean there might be things that someone does with their kid I may not agree with but I usually keep it to myself.

Audrey - posted on 05/01/2009

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I couldn't say anything that the others have not already. I still get "advise" now with a 6yo and 4yo. I just take what they give me and make it work for us. That's all you can do. I do apprieciate the advise because I don't know everything and I know they wouldn't say it if they didn't care.

Chantel - posted on 05/01/2009

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Nope, they still give you looks and often offer some comment when you have 2/3/4 children. I just smile and go on my way. I usually ignore what most people say as far as parenting advice. I will tell you that one of the best things I did when my babies were young was wear them. People are way less likely to try to touch or make comments about your baby when your baby is part of your body. Otherwise, just smile, act sugar sweet and go on your way.

My oldest is 17 and youngest is 9 and people still seem to think they have to voice their opinion on how we are raising our children! You learn to deal with it.

Rhonda - posted on 05/01/2009

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I remember this from when my oldest is a baby. Most people mean well and just have trouble recognizing boundaries. My mother-in-law was the worst (not strangers!) Everytime Megan cried, my mil would say "just give to me and I'll take care of her" which would make me so angry. Just remember that you know your baby better than anyone else, and every baby is different, and mother really does know best. But remember dads probably have more problems with this! We were in a fast food place with our oldest when she was a baby (but not a newborn) and she was crying. I was at the counter paying and had the diaper bag. My husband was at the table and a woman actually walked up him and told him the baby was hungry and needed a bottle. As I approached he to told her he knew that and didn't need her help. You should have seen the look on her face as I walked up holding a bottle right then! Just tell anyone who offers you unsolicited advice thank you but you know what you are doing.

Lindsay - posted on 05/01/2009

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They mean well, and if they have children of their own, it's because they remember the feeling of total overwhelming confusion. I looked after other peoples babies for years, and still felt totally lost when I had my daughter. Best advice I can give is listen to it, some suggestions may be worth a try, if it doesn't work or suit you, then no loss. Ultimately, you do have to trust your instincts, but even the best baby books can't provide all the answers the trials and errors of millions of other parents can. Just be careful with well meaning medical advice, I'd leave that to the professionals. Good luck, enjoy your beautiful baby, it's a magic time.

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