Why Do People Judge A TeenMothers ?

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Krista - posted on 12/11/2009

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And...I hate to bring it up, and I don't want to get into personal attacks. However, if one looks back over the postings, particularly those of the mothers who are idealizing or defending teen motherhood, you'll notice a trend. The lack of higher education is rather evident -- there are many of you whose grasp on spelling and punctuation is pitiful.



Now, before anybody flies off the handle and says that I'm accusing teen mothers of being stupid -- I'm not. There's a big difference between being stupid and being uneducated. And unfortunately, a lot of teenage mothers, even if they're smart, are unable to obtain as much education as they should, due to the difficulties of going to school while raising a child. This shows in their posts. And if it also shows in their resumés and in their interviewing skills, then it does not bode well for these women to be able to provide a better life for their children.



Like it or not, the question was "why do people judge teen mothers"? Even if you're smart as a whip, when you have such a terrible grasp of your own native language, you DO come across as dumb, and people judge you for it. I'm sorry -- I know it's not necessarily fair, but it's true. You wanted to know why teenage mothers are judged? That's one of the reasons right there.

Jodi - posted on 12/11/2009

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Okay, now for some straight up stats. No judgement, pure stats. Judge for yourselves, as this may explain various attitudes:



1. In the US 1 in 10 births involve a teenage mother age 15-19 years.

2. Only 18% of these pregnancies were planned - 82% were unintended.

3. Admittedly, 2/3 of these pregnancies are in teens aged 18-19, but that means 1/3 are to girls under 18.

4. Only 57% of teen pregnancies end in birth (the rest will be either miscarriage or abortion).

5. Teens who become pregnant are less likely to attend college. One study showed that only 10-12% complete their secondary education, while only 30% of those went on to post-secondary education.

6. Incidence of premature birth and low birthweight is higher amongst teen mothers. 1/3 of teen mothers receive insufficient prenatal care.

7. There is the potential for an underdeveloped pelvis to cause complications, particularly in younger girls. This is not a risk for mothers in their older teens.

8. Less than 1/3 of teen mothers receive any form of child support from the father, which vastly increases the need for welfare.

9. Only 11% of teen mother receive a salary/wage in the first year of their baby's life - the rest rely on welfare of some sort. Most teen mothers are living below the poverty line.

10. One quarter of all teenage mothers will have another child within 24 months of the first, which further reduces the likelihood that she will complete her education.

11. Research has shown a greater incidence of developmental disabilities and behavioural issues in children of teenage mothers. This is generally dependent on the social support they have from family.

12. On average, the children of teenage mothers will have poorer academic performance at school, with a higher percentage likely to fail their secondary education or score lower on standardisation tests.

13. Daughters born to teenage mothers are more likely to become teenage mothers. Sons of teenage mothers are 3 times more likely to serve time in prison.



*Disclaimer: please don't shoot the messenger, these are general statistics. Because, as with any study, it is only analysing the average, these facts will NOT apply to all teenage mothers. BUT you can't dispute why society is so hell-bent on trying to prevent teenage pregnancy. Teenage pregnancy shouldn't be idealised.

Krista - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Shauna:



Quoting Christina:




Quoting Angela :

Also while dependance on the Welfare State (ie.Centrelink) is not ideal, being a good parent and being around your kids can sometimes save the "State" a lot of money in the future. Being a teenage mum is actually better physically and you have more chance of producing a normal, healthy child







You have obviously not met too many teen mothers! Most teen's babies are preemies (or at least the size of one) b/c they can't care enough to take care of themselves even though they're pregnant!!!!!!!!!!! HOW IMMATURE CAN YOU BE????? When you have a baby inside you, YOU NEED TO BE AS HEALTHY AS POSSIBLE. 








AND HECK NO! Being on welfare does NOT save the state money in the future!!! Where in the twisted world are you getting this crap????








And age generally DOES have to do with whether you are a good parent or not, not all the time, but most of the time, b/c too many teen mothers STILL only care about themselves. And as a parent, you should be worried that you may or may not be able to provide for your baby.. Otherwise you should just be considered a surrogate (you had the baby, but you don't bother/care about providing).

Being a teen mom is NOT better physically, b/c they are still not fully developed!!! Whether they "look" developed or not! Again.. Where are you getting this crap?









Christina i have huge problem with what you said. i am a teen mom my son was not a preemie or even the size he was 8lb 6oz 21inches. and i know ALOTTT of other teen moms who babys where close to my sons size.






and NO age does not matter wheather how good of a parent you are. your so rude its unreal. and only care about themself?? really. no. i care for SOO many people.






and what happen to "only god can judge me"  you have to be the rudest person.






and to let you kno. i pay for rent. me and my fiance pay for everything our self. we dont ask for any help from anyone. and yeah im still in highschool. but i have a full time job. we pay for daycare thats 240 dollars a week.





Oy.  So you were a teen mom but your child was healthy. And my great-aunt smoked two packs a day but lived to 95. There are ALWAYS exceptions. None of that changes the medically proven facts. And it has been medically proven, over and over again, that teenage mothers have a higher risk of giving birth to preterm and underweight babies. That is irrefutable, regardless of how many other teen mothers you know. The only reason this subject even came up was because of Angela's bizarre and factless assertion that teenage mothers have healthier babies. 



Yes, some teenagers can make excellent parents. There's no denying that. HOWEVER, being a parent is a tough job, and if we start off right from the get-go with disadvantages, then it makes things that much harder. And like it or not, there ARE disadvantages to becoming a teenage mother -- I'm sorry if you don't like that, but it's true. Teenage mothers often have to delay their education, and many wind up not going as far in their education as they would have otherwise. This affects their earning power, which affects their ability to provide for their child. As well, having a child and maintaining a healthy relationship with your spouse requires good communication skills, maturity, and a solid pre-baby bond. With the odd exception, most teenage moms don't have that. 



Give all of the anecdotes you like about how you're a great mom. That's fine. I'm sure you are, and I'm sure the other teenage moms on here are doing a fine job. But please, please, please stop with the silly assertion that there's absolutely NO difference between becoming a mother at 16 and becoming a mother at 26. There IS a difference -- you have a lot more obstacles. 



And I noticed that not too many of the defensive teenage moms on here have answered the question about whether they'd want THEIR kid to become a parent during adolescence...

Betsy - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Jodi:

Ok, let me ask a question of every teen mother here. The question is not "do you regret" or" is there anything you would change". I know the answer is no, because each and every one of you loves your child/children, and would never now go back on what has happened in your life, and you would not give up your child in a million years. That is a great attitude, and obviously many of you are doing it on your own (or have done).

Now ask yourself, when your daughters grow up, what do you want for them. Of course you want them to be happy. But do you want for them to be having babies at 14 or 15, even 17, or would you really like to see them finish their education first and have a bit of a chance to get a little established in life with a job and some experience, and wait for just a little while longer (maybe 20,21,22) before they settle down to have a family? What about your sons? Wouldn't you like them to begin to make their way on their own in life before they begin a family?

I'm not asking if you would throw them out, not support them, etc. But is it what you would WISH for them?

This is not a question in anyway to put anyone down, but something for every mother to ponder on.


I think this is a great point, and I will answer as a former teen mom, having our son my senior year of high school. We never took welfare, and we did obtain college educations and worked hard while providing 100% for him, and now are in a very comfortable place (he is in college himself now). No one regrets the life of their child, but do I regret that we didn't have him when we were established like we were with the other 4 kids, hell yes! How could I not want more for my child just out of basic maternal instinct? Why should an innocent child have to "grow up" with their parents, as some are saying as a good thing, and develop WHILE their parents have to scramble to get it together. I think a child deserves better than that. He deserved our big worries in his young life to be the normal ones of a couple, not do we pay health insurance or heat this week. We both have to workk and can't miss a day's pay, so can we pay a sitter. Now I could have sat home and played with him all day collecting welfare, but then I would have failed him worse, limiting his future and creating an example of poverty and a work ethic of slacking off and goals of just getting by at the minimum. I am shocked when some don't want more for their kids. Our goal was, yes we are in this situation, so now we have to work harder and longer than everyone else because we have to play catch up in order to do this well because he is counting on us.



 



It amazes me most when former teen moms argue over having a child before being prepared as being a good thing and saying it is wonderful with no regrets. Come on, we are adults now. We should have more wisdom and experience. Just for the fact that any 15 yr old could read these, as a former teen mom and now as the mom of teens, I refuse to share that my life did work out very well without also giving the reality of the struggling and what I have learned. For me, it's not important to defend my life and make it seem wonderful to do this to make me feel better because as an adult, it is more important not set bad examples to children who learn from us. I also make sure our kids get that. We are still married, but reality is the overwhelming percentage of couples who have babies in their teens, especially when they just say they are engaged, never get married and don't stay together raising that child. I consider us part lucky and part determined, but I never would want a CHILD to see us as an example of how to do it because I hope they would learn from our experiences and make wiser decisions, starting out on top of things rather than scrambling to survive and hoping you are one of the lucky ones because foremost these children are born deserving more than that. I get that a teen may not be developed enough to comprehend it, but most adults want more for their kids, as well as all other kids in this world.



 



So to answer Jodi's question, I would want my kids or anyone else's kids to have a solid foundation, stability, independence and many opportunities at their fingertips before they add tremendous responsibility and a completely dependent human being to their lives they don't have the tools yet to handle.

Jodi - posted on 12/10/2009

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Quoting Angela :

Also while dependance on the Welfare State (ie.Centrelink) is not ideal, being a good parent and being around your kids can sometimes save the "State" a lot of money in the future. Being a teenage mum is actually better physically and you have more chance of producing a normal, healthy child


 



Well, evidently, if you are mentioning Centrelink, I am paying you to stay at home with your children because you chose to have your kids as a teenager, right?  That's called a hand out.



Get off your backside and go and get a job, because I DON'T APPRECIATE IT!!  I have enough children of my own to support without supporting yours too....."being around your kids can sometimes save the "State" a lot of money in the future."  Stop making excuses for yourself to justify not having to get a job.  I've been a single mother too, but the government didn't pay my way because it is my responsibility to support my family.  What an absolute crock.  Have you heard about the studies on the cycle of welfare dependence?  There are a ton of those studies out there and they have a lot of merit.



As for normal healthy children, between us, my husband and I have 4 of them thank you very much.  And we both started our families in our late 20s, my husband was 40 when our youngest was born.  If you are going to throw around broad generalisations, you might want to back it up. 





Oh, and if I could add, this post I have quoted is a perfect example of someone who is creating the judgemental environment that teen mothers are complaining about. I couldn't care less how old you are to be honest, but the attitude of being supported by the government because you can is what gives a lot of teen mums a bad name. It is disgusting. I would find it equally disgusting if a 35 year old woman did it. This type of "entitled" attitude will bring judgement upon you, not your age.

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Katherine - posted on 12/12/2009

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I don't know if any of you have noticed BUT THE OP HAS NOT COME BACK!!! So this thread has done nothing productive, except let some intelligent people vent :p

Shanna - posted on 12/12/2009

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I think that people who judge teen moms should knock off the drama. I am a teen mother and I have been for almost 3 years now. I graduated from high school, got my diploma NOT MY GED, and not i am majoring in nursing in college. I don't believe in this "judging" crap, because frankly who has any room to judge? Who is perfect? .. No one.. Everyone was born with imperfections, and anyone who can honestly say they are perfect I would love to meet them. On top of being a teen mother, I am a teen mother to a handicap child, NO not because I did ANYTHING wrong in my pregnancy, but because there was complications. I'm sure there are a lot of "ready" mothers who have had complications. But I think that anyone who can sit there and judge anyone, will be judged when they see the big guy after everything is said and done..

Carolyn - posted on 12/12/2009

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I was raised old fashion. But, most people say a baby is having a baby. That does not mean you can not learn how to be a good mother. There is plenty of books and real mothers you can talk to if you need help. Without being critical on your be half. I wish more young mothers would not feel threatened by good advice. Some times that advise can only come from someone whom does not know you. You can still do things your way, only with more information you can make better decisions for you and your baby. Please do not try to hide from your situation, just embrace the baby and keep your self healthy and informed to have a great chance at being the mother you want to be. If you need help, do not be afraid to ask. People around you know you are young and think you may not know the best way to go about getting what needs to be done, done. Please except my congratulations and start arming your self with loads of information on things you will need to know. Public Library has tons of free books for you to check out and get your self ready. If you do not like what people are saying then prove them wrong by becoming the best young mother you can be. God Bless and my prayers are going to be with you. I am fixing to be a grandmother for the first time and I will be thinking of you when the miracle happens. Make your own miracle and do your best for the baby and yourself. May you have many more blessings to come.

Maggie - posted on 12/12/2009

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Quoting Katherine:



Quoting Maggie:

I think the question here should be "Why do teenage mothers think they deserve something for doing what they are supposed to do?"





 






I don't think I deserve anything for doing what I'm supposed to. My Child's well being and happiness are my reward. BUT I don't think anyone has the right to judge my parenting abilities just because I'm young. Spend a day in my household and then you can judge me.






I wasn't judging you. I don't need to spend a day in your household. I have two kids and know full well how a household with kids is. If you read most of the posts on here from teen mothers they're all "look at me I can take care of my own kid" well GOOD FOR YOU! That's what you are supposed to do.

Katy - posted on 12/12/2009

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oh my goodness .. I have been sat here for a while reading these posts .prob because i was a teen mum and so that means i am a slow reader or cos i am thick because i didnt finish school . In fact i might go and get the dictionary lol... its really sad to read all the comments on here I dont know how you do that quote thing but again its prob cos i didnt finish school .. I was pregnant when I was 15 and again when I was 16 and am now a mother of 6, .... 4 of my six kids were premature and my youngest is 3 i am nearly 30 . people respond strongly when they are passionate about what they are saying so they dont notice the grammar or punctuation.... but i almost fogot there is always someone waiting to put u down . Wheather it b cos u r a teen mum or not , where ever u go and what ever u do there is always someone making u feel small and judging u by the way u look, sound,stand but thats life as hard as it sounds . you just have to hold your head up high and no in your heart that u are a good person and care very much about your children ,

Christye - posted on 12/12/2009

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i got pregnant when i was 15 vand had my son when i was 16, i think that society thinks they can judge you on whatever.. like they look at other 15 and 16 year olds, and what are they doing? partying, drinking, drugs.. thankfully i was not like that, but unfortunatly because they're are soo many children out there that are, society judges you on that. its quite sad actually.. people are cruel, and thats the way our world is.. just live each day as great as you can. be a mom to your child, and dont listen to what people have to say.. your child knows you love them.. and thats all that matters :) stay positive!!

Karin - posted on 12/12/2009

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If you don't want to be judged, prove them wrong. I had my first child at 19, when I thought I was all grown up and knew everything. I hadn't figured out yet that I was wrong. I had my second child at 24. I will be the first to tell you there is a big maturity difference between 19 and 24. However. At 19 I was stubborn and didn't like being juged. I was only on public assistance for 9 months total, purchased my first home by age 22, and remaried before I had my second child. Both of my children are honor students and my husband and I are are financial secure. And no, I didn't marry into money, I was the breadwinner until about 5 years ago. My baby that I had at 19 is now 16 years old. I worked very hard, working two jobs at times to get ahead. I have been smart with my money and never made excuses for myself. I never wined when there wasn't enough money to buy cool clothes or cars. I went without.

The question isn't whether or not you are cabable of caring for a child. My 10 year old can change a diaper and fix a baby bottle. I am reasonalby cerntain any idiot could figure that out. The question is maturity and dedication. Are teens ready to give up their social lives and their own needs and desires to dedicate themselves full time to the lives of their children? Most teens are not developementally capable of doing so. Statistically speaking, most teen moms are on welfare of some sort or dependent on family members to provide basic needs such as food, clothing and housing for both themselves and their children. This is not being a responsible parent. This is being a dependent child with a dependent child. Babies can be fun and babies can be cute. But there is another side as well. I know a teen couple whose 18 month old was diagnosed with a brain tumor. How fun is that? Are you ready to handle the 24 hour care required for a cancer baby? How about the financial burden? Even welfare won't cover travel expenses to get your child to the appropriate cancer facilities or over-the-counter items that can run into the thousands. What about dealing with the possibility that you beautiful baby could die. Think you are mature enough to handle that? Think about the last falling out you had with your friend, or your last breakup, then answer that question.

Hate to be a joy kill. But being a parent is an adult job. Adults aren't judging you. They are worried about you and your child.

Shannon - posted on 12/12/2009

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Because they are KIDS.... I had my first baby at the age of 20 and thought I wasn't ready but who is when its your first. But if happen just be the best mother you can some are and some aren't.... Tthats not for us to judge.... If your have'n a baby and your not of age just love that baby be the best mommy you can be....

Stef - posted on 12/12/2009

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i dont care what anybody says about teen mums they are just as good as older mums, i am a teen mum and people say that teen mums dont know what they are doing whys this?? because of our age, because we are not mature enough... not all OLDER mums know what they are doing but it is acctually common knowledge to know how to look after a child and it jus comes to you naturally about knowin how to look after this child, and you pick things up about how to look after a child off other people, your mum, antie, ect most ppl does not know how to look after a child especially if it is your first one. you learn things along the way my baby does not want for nothing, and no he wernt premature either, he gets all my love and attention every day... other than that some teen mums have give others a bad name by the things that they do... leaving their child to go drinking ect and this has reflected on ALL of teen mums even though most are brilliant mums, and also being on welfare does NOT deprive your child from anything because you put their needs first. and another thing too, my son is 4 months old, i left school at 16 with 11 gcse grades and i am currently back at college refreshing my maths and english so yep they can continue there education too.

Stef - posted on 12/12/2009

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i dont care what anybody says about teen mums they are just as good as older mums, i am a teen mum and people say that teen mums dont know what they are doing whys this?? because of our age, because we are not mature enough... not all OLDER mums know what they are doing but it is acctually common knowledge to know how to look after a child and it jus comes to you naturally about knowin how to look after this child, and you pick things up about how to look after a child off other people, your mum, antie, ect most ppl does not know how to look after a child especially if it is your first one. you learn things along the way my baby does not want for nothing, and no he wernt premature either, he gets all my love and attention every day... other than that some teen mums have give others a bad name by the things that they do... leaving their child to go drinking ect and this has reflected on ALL of teen mums even though most are brilliant mums, and also being on welfare does NOT deprive your child from anything because you put their needs first. and another thing too, my son is 4 months old, i left school at 16 with 11 gcse grades and i am currently back at college refreshing my maths and english so yep they can continue there education too.

Krista - posted on 12/12/2009

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Quoting Katherine:



Quoting Krista:




Quoting Katherine:


My mom was married and had me by the time she was 19 and never attended college.
My grandmother was married and had her first by the time she was 18 and never finished highschool.
That was norm for the people their age at that time in history. Just thought it was funny that no one ever judged them for being young moms just because they were married. Getting married didn't make their brains mature any faster or make them more financially stable. It didn't help them become more selfless or give them more parenting abilities. We just live in a different day and age and we have to start rising above stereotypes and people handing out their two cents worth.







So...what you're saying is that it's GOOD that your mom never attended college and your grandmother never finished high school? That because this was the norm at the time, it should be considered acceptable now? 








My own grandmother only went as far as the eighth grade -- it was VERY common to stop going to school anytime after you became a teenager. So if my son decides to drop out in Grade 9, I shouldn't have a problem with it because in my grandmother's day, it was the norm to drop out at that age? 








Come on. You said it yourself -- we live in a different day and age. We expect people to finish high school, at the very least. We expect people to wait until they are emotionally mature and financially stable before having children. Those are not bad things to expect! 








I'm not going to judge teenage moms -- especially those who got pregnant inadvertently. Mistakes happen. One of my best friends from high school got pregnant at 16 and she's a wonderful mother -- and she had a long, hard haul to make a good life for her and her son.  








But what chafes my butt is when I see people on here who start making all sorts of excuses and justifications (especially based on false data), trying to convince the rest of the world that getting pregnant at 16, while in school and unemployed, is just nifty and fine, and is absolutely no different from getting pregnant at 26, while independent and supporting yourself.  Maybe you can convince yourselves of that, but you're not convincing me.








I don't doubt that the teenage moms on here all love their kids and are doing a great job, but if you're looking for the rest of us to say that it's perfectly fine to get pregnant as a teenager, then sorry. I don't want my kids to become parents when they're adolescents, and I would bloody well hope that neither would  you. 









I'm glad you read the rest of my post...






 






I never said I condoned teenage pregnancy. I just thought the rest of the posts on here were rather discouraging to anyone who might already be a teen mom or mom-to-be. I was just stating that they were perfectly good mothers at a young age. I clearly know that things are different now and that you can't really get a decent paying job without at least a 2 year degree and in most cases a 4 year(glad you read the part where I said I did go to college and tell other teen moms and moms-to-be that they can and should too). They can't change the situation they are in so why not encourage them to do better and make the best of their situation. Instead of passing judgment and criticizing them and telling them how much of a burden to society they are, why don't you try giving them advice and showing them that there is a way to make the best lives for them and their child(ren)?






 






My son is going to have just as good of a life as any other child born to married 27 year old parents because I am making good decisions and working as hard as I possibly can to give him everything he needs and most if not all of the things he wants. He has a college fund started and doesn't lack anything any child who has older parents does.






 






I wouldn't encourage my son to have a child as early as I did but I definately wouldn't condemn him or let people like you talk down to him for it. Teeenagers are perfectly capable of becoming good parents who are emotionally and financially stable, they just have to make the choice to be and work for it.






 






(You're obviously entitled to your opinion but If you're going to quote something I said make sure you don't say anything in your repy that contradicts the rest of my post you're choosing to ignore)






 






 





I didn't realize there was a rule that we had to respond to every aspect of a person's post, but anyhoo...



No, you're right, the teenagers on here are already mothers and can't change their situation. But many of us on here (including myself) have said over and over and over  (ad nauseam) that yes, it's possible to be a good mother when you're a teenager. BUT we've also said that those who ARE teenage mothers should not go around pretending that being a teenage mother is a bed of roses, mainly because they're doing a disservice to OTHER teenagers, who might not be so careful with birth control, thinking "Well, if I get pregnant, it won't be so bad. I know a lot of other teenage moms, and they're all doing great."  All we're asking for is for some of the teenage mothers on here to be honest with themselves and with others, and concede that getting pregnant as a teenager is NOT. A. GOOD. THING. 



Instead, we have many teen moms on here who are feeling attacked, and some of them are playing pretty fast and loose with the truth, claiming that babies born to teenage moms are healthier, or that there are NO disadvantages whatsoever to being a teenage mom. The statistics just do NOT support those arguments, which is why so many of us here are saying "Give your head a shake! Just because it worked out well for you doesn't mean that it'll work out for everybody, and it SURE as heck doesn't mean that being a teen mom is a desirable state of affairs!" 

Lesley - posted on 12/12/2009

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Thou shalt not judge. No one has the right to judge another. (Unfortunatly we all do)

But we should not, ever, for always remember if you are judging or critizising soemone else there is a part of yourself that you are reflecting. and it usually a re part that you do not like.

Jodi - posted on 12/12/2009

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Quoting Katherine:



I wish this thread was filled with more positive feedback then a battle between the younger and older moms. Wasn't this site created so unexperienced new moms could seek advice and counsel from the older more experienced ones? I'd rather bond over the fact that we are all mothers and share in this amazing experience then to debate who is right and wrong. There are gray areas and exceptions to the rule. And everyone is entitled to an opionion whether or not you like it.





Katherine, the OP asked a question of why.  So people have answered as they see it.  A "younger mum" is the one who started the "battle" and wanted to know the truth.  Did you want to see it sugar coated?



Honestly, most women in this thread will happily give advice to any young mum/teen mum, and the age will not come into it, ever. Unl;ess someone wants to bring age into it, and more often than not, it is teen mothers who decide to throw the age card.

Katherine - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Betsy:



Quoting Katherine:

I think people are more concerned with the unplanned pregnancy part then they are with the teenage part.

Yes? No? Maybe?






No, it is the responsibility and maturity part. Some 18 yr olds will work hard and become adults, but the fact is the majority doesn't have the maturity to understand what that really entails.






As for unplanned, if a 16 and 17 yr old gets pregnant, planned or unplanned, they don't yet have a high school diplomma, no college education, no life experience of supporting themselves and very limitted job prospects, now this baby needs a home, food, lights, heat, medical care, clothes, etc.






If a 30 yr old couple has an unplanned pregnancy, there is more of a chance they both already have education, jobs, a home, insurance, etc, so while they have to adjust to an unexpected baby, they have most of the factors already there, are already educated, already have experience being adults and living as adults, so all they have to adjust to is parenthood, not trying to mature 10 yrs and gather education, job opportunities, a home, and yrs of life experience in a few months.






We see our kids grow from kids as the graduate high school to men and women at the end of college, but it is a natural human process. With teen parenting, and this comes from experience, you go from a 17 yr old kid to having to be a 27 yr old in a 17 yr old's body with a 17 yr old's mind in months, creating the life and security it normal would take 10 yrs to build up, with no tools to do so. Some manage to do it, but many are lost that they aren't even really doing it. Instead they are still those same kids, just kids in charge of a baby, with others supporting the child.





Good points. I was always more mature for my age then my peers which made the transition a little easier for me. But you're right, I had to grow up a lot faster than I should have and I missed out on a lot of things. And like most people keep saying, I would never wish my experience on any teenager. It wasn't easy but I don't want anyone to think it isn't "do-able" either. I wish this thread was filled with more positive feedback then a battle between the younger and older moms. Wasn't this site created so unexperienced new moms could seek advice and counsel from the older more experienced ones? I'd rather bond over the fact that we are all mothers and share in this amazing experience then to debate who is right and wrong. There are gray areas and exceptions to the rule. And everyone is entitled to an opionion whether or not you like it.

Katherine - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Betsy:



Quoting Katherine:

I think people are more concerned with the unplanned pregnancy part then they are with the teenage part.

Yes? No? Maybe?






No, it is the responsibility and maturity part. Some 18 yr olds will work hard and become adults, but the fact is the majority doesn't have the maturity to understand what that really entails.






As for unplanned, if a 16 and 17 yr old gets pregnant, planned or unplanned, they don't yet have a high school diplomma, no college education, no life experience of supporting themselves and very limitted job prospects, now this baby needs a home, food, lights, heat, medical care, clothes, etc.






If a 30 yr old couple has an unplanned pregnancy, there is more of a chance they both already have education, jobs, a home, insurance, etc, so while they have to adjust to an unexpected baby, they have most of the factors already there, are already educated, already have experience being adults and living as adults, so all they have to adjust to is parenthood, not trying to mature 10 yrs and gather education, job opportunities, a home, and yrs of life experience in a few months.






We see our kids grow from kids as the graduate high school to men and women at the end of college, but it is a natural human process. With teen parenting, and this comes from experience, you go from a 17 yr old kid to having to be a 27 yr old in a 17 yr old's body with a 17 yr old's mind in months, creating the life and security it normal would take 10 yrs to build up, with no tools to do so. Some manage to do it, but many are lost that they aren't even really doing it. Instead they are still those same kids, just kids in charge of a baby, with others supporting the child.





Good points. I was always more mature for my age then my peers which made the transition a little easier for me. But you're right, I had to grow up a lot faster than I should have and I missed out on a lot of things. And like most people keep saying, I would never wish my experience on any teenager. It wasn't easy but I don't want anyone to think it isn't "do-able" either. I wish this thread was filled with more positive feedback then a battle between the younger and older moms. Wasn't this site created so unexperienced new moms could seek advice and counsel from the older more experienced ones? I'd rather bond over the fact that we are all mothers and share in this amazing experience then to debate who is right and wrong. There are gray areas and exceptions to the rule. And everyone is entitled to an opionion whether or not you like it.

Katherine - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Betsy:

Off topic, but I really hope the next generation knows how to punctuate :-) Next thread....Are our public schools failing our kids????


 



This made me laugh. Thanks.



 



Just for the record, I am a product of the public school system and no, they are not failing us. I too, am amazed at some on the awful grammar and punctuation used in the posts in these threads.

Betsy - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Katherine:

I think people are more concerned with the unplanned pregnancy part then they are with the teenage part.

Yes? No? Maybe?



No, it is the responsibility and maturity part. Some 18 yr olds will work hard and become adults, but the fact is the majority doesn't have the maturity to understand what that really entails.



As for unplanned, if a 16 and 17 yr old gets pregnant, planned or unplanned, they don't yet have a high school diplomma, no college education, no life experience of supporting themselves and very limitted job prospects, now this baby needs a home, food, lights, heat, medical care, clothes, etc.



If a 30 yr old couple has an unplanned pregnancy, there is more of a chance they both already have education, jobs, a home, insurance, etc, so while they have to adjust to an unexpected baby, they have most of the factors already there, are already educated, already have experience being adults and living as adults, so all they have to adjust to is parenthood, not trying to mature 10 yrs and gather education, job opportunities, a home, and yrs of life experience in a few months.



We see our kids grow from kids as the graduate high school to men and women at the end of college, but it is a natural human process. With teen parenting, and this comes from experience, you go from a 17 yr old kid to having to be a 27 yr old in a 17 yr old's body with a 17 yr old's mind in months, creating the life and security it normal would take 10 yrs to build up, with no tools to do so. Some manage to do it, but many are lost that they aren't even really doing it. Instead they are still those same kids, just kids in charge of a baby, with others supporting the child.

Katherine - posted on 12/11/2009

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I think people are more concerned with the unplanned pregnancy part then they are with the teenage part.

Yes? No? Maybe?

Octavia - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Jodi:



Quoting Octavia:




Quoting Jodi:

Octavia, just out of curiosity, if the stuff with your parents happened in the 70's, then your oldest must be at LEAST about 10 or older by now? How do you feel if she decided to get pregnant in about 3?? years (or he got some girl pregnant)? If the thought freaks you out, then maybe you need to sit back and think about whether it is really okay for these young teens to be having babies.......No-one is saying they are BAD parents, but a lot of people are saying the situation is not ideal and we shouldn't glamourise it, which is exactly what you are doing by saying, "hey, I did it, and I did fine, so it's okay to get pregnant when you are a teenager".








Yes, my son is 10... I am not trying to glamourize it by any means.  I do not want my son to be a teen parent, but what I was saying was to those that are already.  I am not saying it is ok by any means and I actually posted that on one of my many posts... (have gotten a lot of grief for my mom and dad's situation) I wish they would wait because it is hard and it is an uphill battle, but for the ones that already have kids, I am trying to let them know that it is not the end of the world and that they can succeed.










No worries Octavia.  Everyone understands that mistakes happen, and you have to do the best with what happens.  But what has happened here is that a teenage mother has started a thread asking why, so people have answered why they are concerned about the teenage mother attitude.  I think most people are more likely to judge the "Look at me, I'm a teenage mum" than if you all just got on with doing the job of mum and not needing the pat on your back for it - no-one else expects one!! 






I get judged every day, I am sure, for my age too - I am 40, and my youngest is only 4.  But the difference is, I don't care.  I know I am a good mother, and nothing anyone says can stop me from believing that. And I don't feel the need to ask why younger mums judge older mums.  Because again, I really don't care very much.  But I do care about teenage pregnancy being glamourised, because (1) I have a teenager and (2) I have 3 kids yet to become teenagers. 






To be honest, I am not entirely convinced that the OP is genuine - this is the only post she has ever made and she has never bothered to come back to the thread.  I strongly suspect she did it in order to start a shit fight, LOL :)





If that was her goal, then she sure did achieve it... lol



I get the not caring what people think and I honestly think that for a long time, that was my problem.  I did not want anyone to think bad of me because I was a teen mom, eventhough I was almost 20, I was not as established as I would like to have been.  I have a 17 year old sister and I tell her on a regular to go to school, make something of herself, and not to get in the same mess (eventhough I wouldnt change them for the world) that I did, because it was and still is hard.  I have the utmost faith that your children will not become teen parents because you are their mother... ;~)

C. - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Katherine:



Quoting Maggie:

I think the question here should be "Why do teenage mothers think they deserve something for doing what they are supposed to do?"





 






I don't think I deserve anything for doing what I'm supposed to. My Child's well being and happiness are my reward. BUT I don't think anyone has the right to judge my parenting abilities just because I'm young. Spend a day in my household and then you can judge me.





You may not think you deserve anything for it, but unfortunately many teen moms do have that thought process, especially nowadays. I think that may be where she was getting at with that post.

Betsy - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Octavia:



Quoting Jodi:

Octavia, just out of curiosity, if the stuff with your parents happened in the 70's, then your oldest must be at LEAST about 10 or older by now? How do you feel if she decided to get pregnant in about 3?? years (or he got some girl pregnant)? If the thought freaks you out, then maybe you need to sit back and think about whether it is really okay for these young teens to be having babies.......No-one is saying they are BAD parents, but a lot of people are saying the situation is not ideal and we shouldn't glamourise it, which is exactly what you are doing by saying, "hey, I did it, and I did fine, so it's okay to get pregnant when you are a teenager".






Yes, my son is 10... I am not trying to glamourize it by any means.  I do not want my son to be a teen parent, but what I was saying was to those that are already.  I am not saying it is ok by any means and I actually posted that on one of my many posts... (have gotten a lot of grief for my mom and dad's situation) I wish they would wait because it is hard and it is an uphill battle, but for the ones that already have kids, I am trying to let them know that it is not the end of the world and that they can succeed.





But that is all we have been saying. If you read the thread, I had our first at 17 and earned a law degree and have mentored teen moms for over 15 years, but it is the posts, like yours sounded, saying we did fine and it's a fine thing to do. When there are young girls reading these, I would rather see adult moms, especially those who have lived through it, write more like you just did, telling them straight out, you don't want to struggle and you definitely don't want your new innocent baby to be put in that situation. Post  after post has been "welfare pays and my parents pay, but I give love so I'm a better mother than an older mom," and they just don't get it!

Katherine - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Maggie:

I think the question here should be "Why do teenage mothers think they deserve something for doing what they are supposed to do?"


 



I don't think I deserve anything for doing what I'm supposed to. My Child's well being and happiness are my reward. BUT I don't think anyone has the right to judge my parenting abilities just because I'm young. Spend a day in my household and then you can judge me.

Jodi - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Octavia:



Quoting Jodi:

Octavia, just out of curiosity, if the stuff with your parents happened in the 70's, then your oldest must be at LEAST about 10 or older by now? How do you feel if she decided to get pregnant in about 3?? years (or he got some girl pregnant)? If the thought freaks you out, then maybe you need to sit back and think about whether it is really okay for these young teens to be having babies.......No-one is saying they are BAD parents, but a lot of people are saying the situation is not ideal and we shouldn't glamourise it, which is exactly what you are doing by saying, "hey, I did it, and I did fine, so it's okay to get pregnant when you are a teenager".






Yes, my son is 10... I am not trying to glamourize it by any means.  I do not want my son to be a teen parent, but what I was saying was to those that are already.  I am not saying it is ok by any means and I actually posted that on one of my many posts... (have gotten a lot of grief for my mom and dad's situation) I wish they would wait because it is hard and it is an uphill battle, but for the ones that already have kids, I am trying to let them know that it is not the end of the world and that they can succeed.






No worries Octavia.  Everyone understands that mistakes happen, and you have to do the best with what happens.  But what has happened here is that a teenage mother has started a thread asking why, so people have answered why they are concerned about the teenage mother attitude.  I think most people are more likely to judge the "Look at me, I'm a teenage mum" than if you all just got on with doing the job of mum and not needing the pat on your back for it - no-one else expects one!! 



I get judged every day, I am sure, for my age too - I am 40, and my youngest is only 4.  But the difference is, I don't care.  I know I am a good mother, and nothing anyone says can stop me from believing that. And I don't feel the need to ask why younger mums judge older mums.  Because again, I really don't care very much.  But I do care about teenage pregnancy being glamourised, because (1) I have a teenager and (2) I have 3 kids yet to become teenagers. 



To be honest, I am not entirely convinced that the OP is genuine - this is the only post she has ever made and she has never bothered to come back to the thread.  I strongly suspect she did it in order to start a shit fight, LOL :)

Katherine - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Krista:



Quoting Katherine:


My mom was married and had me by the time she was 19 and never attended college.
My grandmother was married and had her first by the time she was 18 and never finished highschool.
That was norm for the people their age at that time in history. Just thought it was funny that no one ever judged them for being young moms just because they were married. Getting married didn't make their brains mature any faster or make them more financially stable. It didn't help them become more selfless or give them more parenting abilities. We just live in a different day and age and we have to start rising above stereotypes and people handing out their two cents worth.





So...what you're saying is that it's GOOD that your mom never attended college and your grandmother never finished high school? That because this was the norm at the time, it should be considered acceptable now? 






My own grandmother only went as far as the eighth grade -- it was VERY common to stop going to school anytime after you became a teenager. So if my son decides to drop out in Grade 9, I shouldn't have a problem with it because in my grandmother's day, it was the norm to drop out at that age? 






Come on. You said it yourself -- we live in a different day and age. We expect people to finish high school, at the very least. We expect people to wait until they are emotionally mature and financially stable before having children. Those are not bad things to expect! 






I'm not going to judge teenage moms -- especially those who got pregnant inadvertently. Mistakes happen. One of my best friends from high school got pregnant at 16 and she's a wonderful mother -- and she had a long, hard haul to make a good life for her and her son.  






But what chafes my butt is when I see people on here who start making all sorts of excuses and justifications (especially based on false data), trying to convince the rest of the world that getting pregnant at 16, while in school and unemployed, is just nifty and fine, and is absolutely no different from getting pregnant at 26, while independent and supporting yourself.  Maybe you can convince yourselves of that, but you're not convincing me.






I don't doubt that the teenage moms on here all love their kids and are doing a great job, but if you're looking for the rest of us to say that it's perfectly fine to get pregnant as a teenager, then sorry. I don't want my kids to become parents when they're adolescents, and I would bloody well hope that neither would  you. 





I'm glad you read the rest of my post...



 



I never said I condoned teenage pregnancy. I just thought the rest of the posts on here were rather discouraging to anyone who might already be a teen mom or mom-to-be. I was just stating that they were perfectly good mothers at a young age. I clearly know that things are different now and that you can't really get a decent paying job without at least a 2 year degree and in most cases a 4 year(glad you read the part where I said I did go to college and tell other teen moms and moms-to-be that they can and should too). They can't change the situation they are in so why not encourage them to do better and make the best of their situation. Instead of passing judgment and criticizing them and telling them how much of a burden to society they are, why don't you try giving them advice and showing them that there is a way to make the best lives for them and their child(ren)?



 



My son is going to have just as good of a life as any other child born to married 27 year old parents because I am making good decisions and working as hard as I possibly can to give him everything he needs and most if not all of the things he wants. He has a college fund started and doesn't lack anything any child who has older parents does.



 



I wouldn't encourage my son to have a child as early as I did but I definately wouldn't condemn him or let people like you talk down to him for it. Teeenagers are perfectly capable of becoming good parents who are emotionally and financially stable, they just have to make the choice to be and work for it.



 



(You're obviously entitled to your opinion but If you're going to quote something I said make sure you don't say anything in your repy that contradicts the rest of my post you're choosing to ignore)



 



 

Octavia - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Jodi:

Octavia, just out of curiosity, if the stuff with your parents happened in the 70's, then your oldest must be at LEAST about 10 or older by now? How do you feel if she decided to get pregnant in about 3?? years (or he got some girl pregnant)? If the thought freaks you out, then maybe you need to sit back and think about whether it is really okay for these young teens to be having babies.......No-one is saying they are BAD parents, but a lot of people are saying the situation is not ideal and we shouldn't glamourise it, which is exactly what you are doing by saying, "hey, I did it, and I did fine, so it's okay to get pregnant when you are a teenager".



Yes, my son is 10... I am not trying to glamourize it by any means.  I do not want my son to be a teen parent, but what I was saying was to those that are already.  I am not saying it is ok by any means and I actually posted that on one of my many posts... (have gotten a lot of grief for my mom and dad's situation) I wish they would wait because it is hard and it is an uphill battle, but for the ones that already have kids, I am trying to let them know that it is not the end of the world and that they can succeed.

Octavia - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Betsy:



Quoting Octavia:




Quoting Betsy:





Quoting Octavia:






Quoting Betsy:







Quoting Octavia:








Quoting Betsy:









Quoting Octavia:

I was a teen mom (at 19) and I have had no probs raising my son on my own... Also my mom was a teen mom (at 13 with her first, 15 with me... etc) and she did fine. I think it really depends on the individual and how mature they are. Teen moms can be just as good, if not better, than older moms and eventhough they have a hard road ahead of them, I believe that they are just as capable. It also helps if you have a strong support system, because you do need someone that will be there for you and help lead you in the right direction. I dont think that anyone should judge a teen mom anymore than they should judge unwed mothers.... As long as the love and the dedication to succeed is there, the education will come and this is strictly my opinion.


















A lot of it is the personal definition of "fine." I can't see how a 15 yr old mom of 2 kids with limited education would be qualified for and be hired to a position to earn a income able to provide all basic needs for a family of 3. Being 13 yrs old, most area you aren't even old enough to legally work, so I can't see how a 13 yr old could legally provide for their family, nevermind they can't even legally sign a contract to rent an apt, get electricity or fuel.  "Fine" to most is at a much greater standard I think. A mom working and paying all the bills, but still needing to watch it and budget, is doing fine. Living at home or having society pay all living expenses doesn't come close to the average adult's standard of "fine." That's actually considered a mess, and a costly mess to the taxpayers footing the bill.

























First off boo, my mom got NO assistance from the taxpayers!!!!  She was able to work and she did and she put HERSELF through LPN school with 3 kids, so you may need to ask the question 'how did she do it' before you assume...






















Well then why don't you share how? I am sure many would be interested in where a 13 yr old, with not even a high school education, could earn a salary to support a family, especially since most can't obtain a work permit until the age of 14. With a slow economy, I am sure people would love to hear how that is done at 13 yrs old.



















First off understand that this was in the 70s!!!!  Second, my father was in the military and my mother worked at a nursing home doing what she could to put food on the table.... The people there knew that she was a young mother and gave her the work they could until she was able to work fulltime.  If you will take a second and step off your high horse and be a little more openminded you will see some people do know that they have to grow up when they get pregnant. I do not feel ashamed about anything that me or my mother went through because in the end, I did learn that things happen and you have to make the best out of the situation.  Instead of lecturing and judging, it seems to me that you would want to encourage the already teen moms and educated the ones that arent that it is not the way to go.  I am not going to waste MY precious time on you anymore....















OK, a military official impregnating a 12 or 13 yr old girl. I have a very difficult believing any of this now. The military never cared about statutory rape?? Sounds like a troll pulling stories from her rear to me.













You can believe what you want to believe honey, it is no skin off of my back....  If the military doesnt know about it, how the heck are they supposed to do something about it, silly lady?  The fact that they got married and had 3 other kids just doesnt weigh in on you does it????  As negative a person as you are, I can only shake my head to what your everyday life must be like.   Sad, just sad....









Ok silly lady, you are publicly telling the world your dad was a child molester. That gets so much credibility. My every day is great, passionate marriage, dream home, 5 awesome kids and a career I love, and parents who aren't felons..... :-)






Betsy, first off I want to say that I apologize for judging you even when I was saying that you and others should not judge (Christina pointed that out to me).  I was wrong for that and I am sorry.  Second, I know what I am telling the world and I know how people would look at my father, but that was almost 30 years ago and if it had not happened, I would not be here so I (in a crazy way) am happy that it did.  I did not want this whole conversation to get nasty and I do apologize for that. 

Jodi - posted on 12/11/2009

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Octavia, just out of curiosity, if the stuff with your parents happened in the 70's, then your oldest must be at LEAST about 10 or older by now? How do you feel if she decided to get pregnant in about 3?? years (or he got some girl pregnant)? If the thought freaks you out, then maybe you need to sit back and think about whether it is really okay for these young teens to be having babies.......No-one is saying they are BAD parents, but a lot of people are saying the situation is not ideal and we shouldn't glamourise it, which is exactly what you are doing by saying, "hey, I did it, and I did fine, so it's okay to get pregnant when you are a teenager".

Charlene - posted on 12/11/2009

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Wow, some of you are really not helping your cases at all.

Don't take this so personally! Where on earth did any one of us say that ALL teen moms are like that? Hmm? We are saying that the majority are. And just like everything else, there are exceptions.

But I would like to point out to Shauna and a couple others that saying you are 'mature' and then turning around and name-calling and acting as if we're all attacking you doesn't do much to prove that you are.

And Octavia, Sharon was NOT being judgemental, she was simply pointing out that your mom was a teen mom and now you are too, falling in line with the statistics.



And I can't help but wonder if someone who is too lazy to type using proper sentences, punctuation, capitalisation, spelling etc. of their mother tongue is perhaps just as lazy at everything else. Or they are in desperate need of a high school English class.



Look, I am a teen mom (19) and I am not taking this as a personal attack. In fact, I actually agree with the majority of the women giving their opinions on why people judge teen moms.

I wish I had of waited just a little longer and I definitely want my daughter to wait longer than I did. And I am not going to try to act like it's no big deal and say that I have had "no probs" because anyone who says that is probably flat out lying and trying to gloss over the fact that they are/were a teen mom.

C. - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Kelsey:

Good Lord! I am done with this crap. Just the same crap over and over. I think these people are just too stubborn and thick skulled to learn a damn thing. We ALL know there are exceptions. We dont care if your parents were in the military blah blah blah. We were innocently answering the kids question about why people judge teenage moms. We are NOT saying this is true for anyone that has a baby and is under 20! Get over it and stop supporting the bad decisions these kids are making. Telling them its okay and there is nothing wrong with it actually does more harm than good. If your kid gets pregnant when they are 16 or whatever you arent going to support it are you? It would be best in their own interest that you explain to them what about their decision was wrong and all the bad things that can go along with making such a life changing decision when they dont yet have what it takes to be the best parent that child deserves. As nice as you think you are being, nice isnt always what someone needs. Sometimes people need a good kick in the face to learn anything. (Not litterally obviously) The details of your situation doesnt change the fact that children having sex and becoming parents is not ideal.


We don't care if you care that our parents were in the military "blah blah blah"! The point I was trying to get at is that she seems to be A) not telling the full truth and most importantly, B) she seems to be justifying the whole teenage mom thing b/c "her mom did just fine" and so did she.. Sorry, doesn't work that way. Not all teen moms will be "just fine" and the statistics prove it (I believe Jodi posted some earlier).

Octavia - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Christina:



Quoting Octavia:




Quoting Christina:





Quoting Betsy:






Quoting Octavia:







Quoting Betsy:








Quoting Octavia:









Quoting Betsy:










Quoting Octavia:

I was a teen mom (at 19) and I have had no probs raising my son on my own... Also my mom was a teen mom (at 13 with her first, 15 with me... etc) and she did fine. I think it really depends on the individual and how mature they are. Teen moms can be just as good, if not better, than older moms and eventhough they have a hard road ahead of them, I believe that they are just as capable. It also helps if you have a strong support system, because you do need someone that will be there for you and help lead you in the right direction. I dont think that anyone should judge a teen mom anymore than they should judge unwed mothers.... As long as the love and the dedication to succeed is there, the education will come and this is strictly my opinion.




















A lot of it is the personal definition of "fine." I can't see how a 15 yr old mom of 2 kids with limited education would be qualified for and be hired to a position to earn a income able to provide all basic needs for a family of 3. Being 13 yrs old, most area you aren't even old enough to legally work, so I can't see how a 13 yr old could legally provide for their family, nevermind they can't even legally sign a contract to rent an apt, get electricity or fuel.  "Fine" to most is at a much greater standard I think. A mom working and paying all the bills, but still needing to watch it and budget, is doing fine. Living at home or having society pay all living expenses doesn't come close to the average adult's standard of "fine." That's actually considered a mess, and a costly mess to the taxpayers footing the bill.




























First off boo, my mom got NO assistance from the taxpayers!!!!  She was able to work and she did and she put HERSELF through LPN school with 3 kids, so you may need to ask the question 'how did she do it' before you assume...

























Well then why don't you share how? I am sure many would be interested in where a 13 yr old, with not even a high school education, could earn a salary to support a family, especially since most can't obtain a work permit until the age of 14. With a slow economy, I am sure people would love to hear how that is done at 13 yrs old.






















First off understand that this was in the 70s!!!!  Second, my father was in the military and my mother worked at a nursing home doing what she could to put food on the table.... The people there knew that she was a young mother and gave her the work they could until she was able to work fulltime.  If you will take a second and step off your high horse and be a little more openminded you will see some people do know that they have to grow up when they get pregnant. I do not feel ashamed about anything that me or my mother went through because in the end, I did learn that things happen and you have to make the best out of the situation.  Instead of lecturing and judging, it seems to me that you would want to encourage the already teen moms and educated the ones that arent that it is not the way to go.  I am not going to waste MY precious time on you anymore....


















OK, a military official impregnating a 12 or 13 yr old girl. I have a very difficult believing any of this now. The military never cared about statutory rape?? Sounds like a troll pulling stories from her rear to me.















Octavia, coming from a Military family and also being a Military wife, I, like Betsy, find it very hard to believe that the Military didn't care about it being statutory rape. If they knew that (and how could they not? It wouldn't be that easy to hide!), your father would have been given a Dishonorable Discharge and/or Court Martialed, since something of that nature is against their policies. He obviously wasn't punished with either one, so I highly doubt that was the case.













I am in the military currently and my family was military and no matter if either of you believe it or not, it is what happened.... Can I tell you why my father was not punished?  No, I cant, but I can tell you that it is indeed the case.  He served in Desert Storm and left the military a SSgt in the Army.  My father and my mother did not get married until after I was born and she was 15 at the time... I do not know the total details, as I was an infant, but dont discount me.... I would not make up a story like that for nothing... it is my life, my parents, and the truth.









I'm sorry.. I just find that hard cheese to swallow. As for being a father and the mother of your child being only 13, that is not an easy thing to hide. I find it very difficult to believe that and I know many other Military members or family members of Military Personnel will also. Sorry, can't believe it.






And as for you saying that Betsy must have a sad life.. You are telling people not to judge, but yet you are judging her from the way she responded? Sounds to me like a double-standard. We all judge, whether you want to admit to it or not, b/c no one is perfect. So please don't act all high and mighty telling others to not judge when you are being just as bad about it. Not trying to be rude and I'm not trying to come to Betsy's rescue, as she is a big girl and is capable of defending herself if she so desires. It's just interesting, that's all.





You are absolutely right... I did and I am wrong for that.  As far as my story, it is ok if you or others dont believe it.  I was just trying to give some encouragement from my past and I dont mind if people dont believe me.   The one thing that I will say is, military or not, there are a lot of crazy people out there and no matter how bad my dad looks now or then, I am here from it so I cant complain.

Kelsey - posted on 12/11/2009

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Good Lord! I am done with this crap. Just the same crap over and over. I think these people are just too stubborn and thick skulled to learn a damn thing. We ALL know there are exceptions. We dont care if your parents were in the military blah blah blah. We were innocently answering the kids question about why people judge teenage moms. We are NOT saying this is true for anyone that has a baby and is under 20! Get over it and stop supporting the bad decisions these kids are making. Telling them its okay and there is nothing wrong with it actually does more harm than good. If your kid gets pregnant when they are 16 or whatever you arent going to support it are you? It would be best in their own interest that you explain to them what about their decision was wrong and all the bad things that can go along with making such a life changing decision when they dont yet have what it takes to be the best parent that child deserves. As nice as you think you are being, nice isnt always what someone needs. Sometimes people need a good kick in the face to learn anything. (Not litterally obviously) The details of your situation doesnt change the fact that children having sex and becoming parents is not ideal.

C. - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Octavia:



Quoting Christina:




Quoting Betsy:





Quoting Octavia:






Quoting Betsy:







Quoting Octavia:








Quoting Betsy:









Quoting Octavia:

I was a teen mom (at 19) and I have had no probs raising my son on my own... Also my mom was a teen mom (at 13 with her first, 15 with me... etc) and she did fine. I think it really depends on the individual and how mature they are. Teen moms can be just as good, if not better, than older moms and eventhough they have a hard road ahead of them, I believe that they are just as capable. It also helps if you have a strong support system, because you do need someone that will be there for you and help lead you in the right direction. I dont think that anyone should judge a teen mom anymore than they should judge unwed mothers.... As long as the love and the dedication to succeed is there, the education will come and this is strictly my opinion.


















A lot of it is the personal definition of "fine." I can't see how a 15 yr old mom of 2 kids with limited education would be qualified for and be hired to a position to earn a income able to provide all basic needs for a family of 3. Being 13 yrs old, most area you aren't even old enough to legally work, so I can't see how a 13 yr old could legally provide for their family, nevermind they can't even legally sign a contract to rent an apt, get electricity or fuel.  "Fine" to most is at a much greater standard I think. A mom working and paying all the bills, but still needing to watch it and budget, is doing fine. Living at home or having society pay all living expenses doesn't come close to the average adult's standard of "fine." That's actually considered a mess, and a costly mess to the taxpayers footing the bill.

























First off boo, my mom got NO assistance from the taxpayers!!!!  She was able to work and she did and she put HERSELF through LPN school with 3 kids, so you may need to ask the question 'how did she do it' before you assume...






















Well then why don't you share how? I am sure many would be interested in where a 13 yr old, with not even a high school education, could earn a salary to support a family, especially since most can't obtain a work permit until the age of 14. With a slow economy, I am sure people would love to hear how that is done at 13 yrs old.



















First off understand that this was in the 70s!!!!  Second, my father was in the military and my mother worked at a nursing home doing what she could to put food on the table.... The people there knew that she was a young mother and gave her the work they could until she was able to work fulltime.  If you will take a second and step off your high horse and be a little more openminded you will see some people do know that they have to grow up when they get pregnant. I do not feel ashamed about anything that me or my mother went through because in the end, I did learn that things happen and you have to make the best out of the situation.  Instead of lecturing and judging, it seems to me that you would want to encourage the already teen moms and educated the ones that arent that it is not the way to go.  I am not going to waste MY precious time on you anymore....















OK, a military official impregnating a 12 or 13 yr old girl. I have a very difficult believing any of this now. The military never cared about statutory rape?? Sounds like a troll pulling stories from her rear to me.












Octavia, coming from a Military family and also being a Military wife, I, like Betsy, find it very hard to believe that the Military didn't care about it being statutory rape. If they knew that (and how could they not? It wouldn't be that easy to hide!), your father would have been given a Dishonorable Discharge and/or Court Martialed, since something of that nature is against their policies. He obviously wasn't punished with either one, so I highly doubt that was the case.










I am in the military currently and my family was military and no matter if either of you believe it or not, it is what happened.... Can I tell you why my father was not punished?  No, I cant, but I can tell you that it is indeed the case.  He served in Desert Storm and left the military a SSgt in the Army.  My father and my mother did not get married until after I was born and she was 15 at the time... I do not know the total details, as I was an infant, but dont discount me.... I would not make up a story like that for nothing... it is my life, my parents, and the truth.





I'm sorry.. I just find that hard cheese to swallow. As for being a father and the mother of your child being only 13, that is not an easy thing to hide. I find it very difficult to believe that and I know many other Military members or family members of Military Personnel will also. Sorry, can't believe it.



And as for you saying that Betsy must have a sad life.. You are telling people not to judge, but yet you are judging her from the way she responded? Sounds to me like a double-standard. We all judge, whether you want to admit to it or not, b/c no one is perfect. So please don't act all high and mighty telling others to not judge when you are being just as bad about it. Not trying to be rude and I'm not trying to come to Betsy's rescue, as she is a big girl and is capable of defending herself if she so desires. It's just interesting, that's all.

Lisa - posted on 12/11/2009

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I believe people judge other people regardless of whether they are teen mothers or not. I think this country has been trying to do more of God's job than their own! Is it our job to judge these parents based on age, race, religion or any other basis? I thought the Judgement Seat still belonged to Christ! Shame on all of the judgemental people.

Octavia - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Christina:



Quoting Betsy:




Quoting Octavia:





Quoting Betsy:






Quoting Octavia:







Quoting Betsy:








Quoting Octavia:

I was a teen mom (at 19) and I have had no probs raising my son on my own... Also my mom was a teen mom (at 13 with her first, 15 with me... etc) and she did fine. I think it really depends on the individual and how mature they are. Teen moms can be just as good, if not better, than older moms and eventhough they have a hard road ahead of them, I believe that they are just as capable. It also helps if you have a strong support system, because you do need someone that will be there for you and help lead you in the right direction. I dont think that anyone should judge a teen mom anymore than they should judge unwed mothers.... As long as the love and the dedication to succeed is there, the education will come and this is strictly my opinion.
















A lot of it is the personal definition of "fine." I can't see how a 15 yr old mom of 2 kids with limited education would be qualified for and be hired to a position to earn a income able to provide all basic needs for a family of 3. Being 13 yrs old, most area you aren't even old enough to legally work, so I can't see how a 13 yr old could legally provide for their family, nevermind they can't even legally sign a contract to rent an apt, get electricity or fuel.  "Fine" to most is at a much greater standard I think. A mom working and paying all the bills, but still needing to watch it and budget, is doing fine. Living at home or having society pay all living expenses doesn't come close to the average adult's standard of "fine." That's actually considered a mess, and a costly mess to the taxpayers footing the bill.






















First off boo, my mom got NO assistance from the taxpayers!!!!  She was able to work and she did and she put HERSELF through LPN school with 3 kids, so you may need to ask the question 'how did she do it' before you assume...



















Well then why don't you share how? I am sure many would be interested in where a 13 yr old, with not even a high school education, could earn a salary to support a family, especially since most can't obtain a work permit until the age of 14. With a slow economy, I am sure people would love to hear how that is done at 13 yrs old.
















First off understand that this was in the 70s!!!!  Second, my father was in the military and my mother worked at a nursing home doing what she could to put food on the table.... The people there knew that she was a young mother and gave her the work they could until she was able to work fulltime.  If you will take a second and step off your high horse and be a little more openminded you will see some people do know that they have to grow up when they get pregnant. I do not feel ashamed about anything that me or my mother went through because in the end, I did learn that things happen and you have to make the best out of the situation.  Instead of lecturing and judging, it seems to me that you would want to encourage the already teen moms and educated the ones that arent that it is not the way to go.  I am not going to waste MY precious time on you anymore....












OK, a military official impregnating a 12 or 13 yr old girl. I have a very difficult believing any of this now. The military never cared about statutory rape?? Sounds like a troll pulling stories from her rear to me.









Octavia, coming from a Military family and also being a Military wife, I, like Betsy, find it very hard to believe that the Military didn't care about it being statutory rape. If they knew that (and how could they not? It wouldn't be that easy to hide!), your father would have been given a Dishonorable Discharge and/or Court Martialed, since something of that nature is against their policies. He obviously wasn't punished with either one, so I highly doubt that was the case.






I am in the military currently and my family was military and no matter if either of you believe it or not, it is what happened.... Can I tell you why my father was not punished?  No, I cant, but I can tell you that it is indeed the case.  He served in Desert Storm and left the military a SSgt in the Army.  My father and my mother did not get married until after I was born and she was 15 at the time... I do not know the total details, as I was an infant, but dont discount me.... I would not make up a story like that for nothing... it is my life, my parents, and the truth.

Betsy - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Octavia:



Quoting Betsy:




Quoting Octavia:





Quoting Betsy:






Quoting Octavia:







Quoting Betsy:








Quoting Octavia:

I was a teen mom (at 19) and I have had no probs raising my son on my own... Also my mom was a teen mom (at 13 with her first, 15 with me... etc) and she did fine. I think it really depends on the individual and how mature they are. Teen moms can be just as good, if not better, than older moms and eventhough they have a hard road ahead of them, I believe that they are just as capable. It also helps if you have a strong support system, because you do need someone that will be there for you and help lead you in the right direction. I dont think that anyone should judge a teen mom anymore than they should judge unwed mothers.... As long as the love and the dedication to succeed is there, the education will come and this is strictly my opinion.
















A lot of it is the personal definition of "fine." I can't see how a 15 yr old mom of 2 kids with limited education would be qualified for and be hired to a position to earn a income able to provide all basic needs for a family of 3. Being 13 yrs old, most area you aren't even old enough to legally work, so I can't see how a 13 yr old could legally provide for their family, nevermind they can't even legally sign a contract to rent an apt, get electricity or fuel.  "Fine" to most is at a much greater standard I think. A mom working and paying all the bills, but still needing to watch it and budget, is doing fine. Living at home or having society pay all living expenses doesn't come close to the average adult's standard of "fine." That's actually considered a mess, and a costly mess to the taxpayers footing the bill.






















First off boo, my mom got NO assistance from the taxpayers!!!!  She was able to work and she did and she put HERSELF through LPN school with 3 kids, so you may need to ask the question 'how did she do it' before you assume...



















Well then why don't you share how? I am sure many would be interested in where a 13 yr old, with not even a high school education, could earn a salary to support a family, especially since most can't obtain a work permit until the age of 14. With a slow economy, I am sure people would love to hear how that is done at 13 yrs old.
















First off understand that this was in the 70s!!!!  Second, my father was in the military and my mother worked at a nursing home doing what she could to put food on the table.... The people there knew that she was a young mother and gave her the work they could until she was able to work fulltime.  If you will take a second and step off your high horse and be a little more openminded you will see some people do know that they have to grow up when they get pregnant. I do not feel ashamed about anything that me or my mother went through because in the end, I did learn that things happen and you have to make the best out of the situation.  Instead of lecturing and judging, it seems to me that you would want to encourage the already teen moms and educated the ones that arent that it is not the way to go.  I am not going to waste MY precious time on you anymore....












OK, a military official impregnating a 12 or 13 yr old girl. I have a very difficult believing any of this now. The military never cared about statutory rape?? Sounds like a troll pulling stories from her rear to me.










You can believe what you want to believe honey, it is no skin off of my back....  If the military doesnt know about it, how the heck are they supposed to do something about it, silly lady?  The fact that they got married and had 3 other kids just doesnt weigh in on you does it????  As negative a person as you are, I can only shake my head to what your everyday life must be like.   Sad, just sad....





Ok silly lady, you are publicly telling the world your dad was a child molester. That gets so much credibility. My every day is great, passionate marriage, dream home, 5 awesome kids and a career I love, and parents who aren't felons..... :-)

C. - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Betsy:



Quoting Octavia:




Quoting Betsy:





Quoting Octavia:






Quoting Betsy:







Quoting Octavia:

I was a teen mom (at 19) and I have had no probs raising my son on my own... Also my mom was a teen mom (at 13 with her first, 15 with me... etc) and she did fine. I think it really depends on the individual and how mature they are. Teen moms can be just as good, if not better, than older moms and eventhough they have a hard road ahead of them, I believe that they are just as capable. It also helps if you have a strong support system, because you do need someone that will be there for you and help lead you in the right direction. I dont think that anyone should judge a teen mom anymore than they should judge unwed mothers.... As long as the love and the dedication to succeed is there, the education will come and this is strictly my opinion.














A lot of it is the personal definition of "fine." I can't see how a 15 yr old mom of 2 kids with limited education would be qualified for and be hired to a position to earn a income able to provide all basic needs for a family of 3. Being 13 yrs old, most area you aren't even old enough to legally work, so I can't see how a 13 yr old could legally provide for their family, nevermind they can't even legally sign a contract to rent an apt, get electricity or fuel.  "Fine" to most is at a much greater standard I think. A mom working and paying all the bills, but still needing to watch it and budget, is doing fine. Living at home or having society pay all living expenses doesn't come close to the average adult's standard of "fine." That's actually considered a mess, and a costly mess to the taxpayers footing the bill.



















First off boo, my mom got NO assistance from the taxpayers!!!!  She was able to work and she did and she put HERSELF through LPN school with 3 kids, so you may need to ask the question 'how did she do it' before you assume...
















Well then why don't you share how? I am sure many would be interested in where a 13 yr old, with not even a high school education, could earn a salary to support a family, especially since most can't obtain a work permit until the age of 14. With a slow economy, I am sure people would love to hear how that is done at 13 yrs old.













First off understand that this was in the 70s!!!!  Second, my father was in the military and my mother worked at a nursing home doing what she could to put food on the table.... The people there knew that she was a young mother and gave her the work they could until she was able to work fulltime.  If you will take a second and step off your high horse and be a little more openminded you will see some people do know that they have to grow up when they get pregnant. I do not feel ashamed about anything that me or my mother went through because in the end, I did learn that things happen and you have to make the best out of the situation.  Instead of lecturing and judging, it seems to me that you would want to encourage the already teen moms and educated the ones that arent that it is not the way to go.  I am not going to waste MY precious time on you anymore....









OK, a military official impregnating a 12 or 13 yr old girl. I have a very difficult believing any of this now. The military never cared about statutory rape?? Sounds like a troll pulling stories from her rear to me.





Octavia, coming from a Military family and also being a Military wife, I, like Betsy, find it very hard to believe that the Military didn't care about it being statutory rape. If they knew that (and how could they not? It wouldn't be that easy to hide!), your father would have been given a Dishonorable Discharge and/or Court Martialed, since something of that nature is against their policies. He obviously wasn't punished with either one, so I highly doubt that was the case.

Betsy - posted on 12/11/2009

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Off topic, but I really hope the next generation knows how to punctuate :-) Next thread....Are our public schools failing our kids????

Octavia - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Betsy:



Quoting Octavia:




Quoting Betsy:





Quoting Octavia:






Quoting Betsy:







Quoting Octavia:

I was a teen mom (at 19) and I have had no probs raising my son on my own... Also my mom was a teen mom (at 13 with her first, 15 with me... etc) and she did fine. I think it really depends on the individual and how mature they are. Teen moms can be just as good, if not better, than older moms and eventhough they have a hard road ahead of them, I believe that they are just as capable. It also helps if you have a strong support system, because you do need someone that will be there for you and help lead you in the right direction. I dont think that anyone should judge a teen mom anymore than they should judge unwed mothers.... As long as the love and the dedication to succeed is there, the education will come and this is strictly my opinion.














A lot of it is the personal definition of "fine." I can't see how a 15 yr old mom of 2 kids with limited education would be qualified for and be hired to a position to earn a income able to provide all basic needs for a family of 3. Being 13 yrs old, most area you aren't even old enough to legally work, so I can't see how a 13 yr old could legally provide for their family, nevermind they can't even legally sign a contract to rent an apt, get electricity or fuel.  "Fine" to most is at a much greater standard I think. A mom working and paying all the bills, but still needing to watch it and budget, is doing fine. Living at home or having society pay all living expenses doesn't come close to the average adult's standard of "fine." That's actually considered a mess, and a costly mess to the taxpayers footing the bill.



















First off boo, my mom got NO assistance from the taxpayers!!!!  She was able to work and she did and she put HERSELF through LPN school with 3 kids, so you may need to ask the question 'how did she do it' before you assume...
















Well then why don't you share how? I am sure many would be interested in where a 13 yr old, with not even a high school education, could earn a salary to support a family, especially since most can't obtain a work permit until the age of 14. With a slow economy, I am sure people would love to hear how that is done at 13 yrs old.













First off understand that this was in the 70s!!!!  Second, my father was in the military and my mother worked at a nursing home doing what she could to put food on the table.... The people there knew that she was a young mother and gave her the work they could until she was able to work fulltime.  If you will take a second and step off your high horse and be a little more openminded you will see some people do know that they have to grow up when they get pregnant. I do not feel ashamed about anything that me or my mother went through because in the end, I did learn that things happen and you have to make the best out of the situation.  Instead of lecturing and judging, it seems to me that you would want to encourage the already teen moms and educated the ones that arent that it is not the way to go.  I am not going to waste MY precious time on you anymore....









OK, a military official impregnating a 12 or 13 yr old girl. I have a very difficult believing any of this now. The military never cared about statutory rape?? Sounds like a troll pulling stories from her rear to me.






You can believe what you want to believe honey, it is no skin off of my back....  If the military doesnt know about it, how the heck are they supposed to do something about it, silly lady?  The fact that they got married and had 3 other kids just doesnt weigh in on you does it????  As negative a person as you are, I can only shake my head to what your everyday life must be like.   Sad, just sad....

C. - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Keneshea:

&&All You Guys Are Doin Is Saying The Same BullCramp About Teen Moms Now When You All Give Me A Better Thing Beside What Some One Else Said 10Min Ago iWill Have No Prob Shuting My Mouth But Until Then iShall Keep Speakin B/c There Are Some Lazy Teen Moms&Some Who Work They Butt Off To Do Any&Everything For The Child Like Me So When You State Wrong Facts Your Making Them Wrong Cause Not All Teen Moms Do What You Guys Say Some Of Us Do Learn That Our Teenage Years Are Over Time To Grow Up And Be A Woman But Like iSaid Before You All Are Making A Big Deal Out Of Somethign So Lil Lets Talk About How Some You Moms Drink And Smoke Around Your Kids Or How You Guys Are On Drugs What About That What About You Moms Who Let Any Man Treat Your Kids How They Want Come On Now People Please Think About That Being A Teen Mom Is Less Of The Mom Troubles Like Really Lay Off Our Back An Get On To The Moms Who Kids Are Blowing Up Schools Or Fighting In Schools Lets Talk About That;;


 Uh, how about let's not seeing as this is a thread discussing why people judge teen moms! 



And I don't know who was throwing out "wrong facts" besides the people justifying being a teen mom and saying that no teen moms ever abuse the "System" (that being Welfare, WIC and Food Stamps.. And any other handout they can get).



And being a teen mom is NOT "Somethign So Lil". It is something BIG. Teens shouldn't be having babies and they shouldn't be abusing the System (and if you're a taxpayer, you should be in a big uproar about that too!) Like I said, I was a teen mother, so I understand. Like (correct my if I'm wrong) Loureen said before, Hindsight is wonderful. 



Of course you wouldn't go wanting to change anything, b/c you wouldn't want to imagine life w/o your baby/child(ren). But when you are just a little older (even just a couple years older like me) you realize that you should have just waited and let everything fall into place that way, instead of having sex when you weren't exactly ready to care for a child being that you are still a child yourself. Like they say, 'With age comes wisdom'!

Betsy - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Octavia:



Quoting Betsy:




Quoting Octavia:





Quoting Betsy:






Quoting Octavia:

I was a teen mom (at 19) and I have had no probs raising my son on my own... Also my mom was a teen mom (at 13 with her first, 15 with me... etc) and she did fine. I think it really depends on the individual and how mature they are. Teen moms can be just as good, if not better, than older moms and eventhough they have a hard road ahead of them, I believe that they are just as capable. It also helps if you have a strong support system, because you do need someone that will be there for you and help lead you in the right direction. I dont think that anyone should judge a teen mom anymore than they should judge unwed mothers.... As long as the love and the dedication to succeed is there, the education will come and this is strictly my opinion.












A lot of it is the personal definition of "fine." I can't see how a 15 yr old mom of 2 kids with limited education would be qualified for and be hired to a position to earn a income able to provide all basic needs for a family of 3. Being 13 yrs old, most area you aren't even old enough to legally work, so I can't see how a 13 yr old could legally provide for their family, nevermind they can't even legally sign a contract to rent an apt, get electricity or fuel.  "Fine" to most is at a much greater standard I think. A mom working and paying all the bills, but still needing to watch it and budget, is doing fine. Living at home or having society pay all living expenses doesn't come close to the average adult's standard of "fine." That's actually considered a mess, and a costly mess to the taxpayers footing the bill.
















First off boo, my mom got NO assistance from the taxpayers!!!!  She was able to work and she did and she put HERSELF through LPN school with 3 kids, so you may need to ask the question 'how did she do it' before you assume...













Well then why don't you share how? I am sure many would be interested in where a 13 yr old, with not even a high school education, could earn a salary to support a family, especially since most can't obtain a work permit until the age of 14. With a slow economy, I am sure people would love to hear how that is done at 13 yrs old.










First off understand that this was in the 70s!!!!  Second, my father was in the military and my mother worked at a nursing home doing what she could to put food on the table.... The people there knew that she was a young mother and gave her the work they could until she was able to work fulltime.  If you will take a second and step off your high horse and be a little more openminded you will see some people do know that they have to grow up when they get pregnant. I do not feel ashamed about anything that me or my mother went through because in the end, I did learn that things happen and you have to make the best out of the situation.  Instead of lecturing and judging, it seems to me that you would want to encourage the already teen moms and educated the ones that arent that it is not the way to go.  I am not going to waste MY precious time on you anymore....





OK, a military official impregnating a 12 or 13 yr old girl. I have a very difficult believing any of this now. The military never cared about statutory rape?? Sounds like a troll pulling stories from her rear to me.

Jodi - posted on 12/11/2009

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3781

Quoting Keneshea:

&&All You Guys Are Doin Is Saying The Same BullCramp About Teen Moms Now When You All Give Me A Better Thing Beside What Some One Else Said 10Min Ago iWill Have No Prob Shuting My Mouth But Until Then iShall Keep Speakin B/c There Are Some Lazy Teen Moms&Some Who Work They Butt Off To Do Any&Everything For The Child Like Me So When You State Wrong Facts Your Making Them Wrong Cause Not All Teen Moms Do What You Guys Say Some Of Us Do Learn That Our Teenage Years Are Over Time To Grow Up And Be A Woman But Like iSaid Before You All Are Making A Big Deal Out Of Somethign So Lil Lets Talk About How Some You Moms Drink And Smoke Around Your Kids Or How You Guys Are On Drugs What About That What About You Moms Who Let Any Man Treat Your Kids How They Want Come On Now People Please Think About That Being A Teen Mom Is Less Of The Mom Troubles Like Really Lay Off Our Back An Get On To The Moms Who Kids Are Blowing Up Schools Or Fighting In Schools Lets Talk About That;;


Keneshea, no-one is saying ALL teen mothers. The question was a general question, the answers are general answers.  You have just made the decision to take it personally.  The question is not about mothers who drink and smoke, or mothers on drugs.  The question is about teen mothers.  If teen mothers don't want to hear the honest viewpoints, and the facts, they shouldn't ask the question.



Could you also please type in proper sentences, with proper punctuation, etc.  Your posts are actually very, very  difficult to read. 

C. - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Octavia:



Quoting Sharon:




Quoting Octavia:

I was a teen mom (at 19) and I have had no probs raising my son on my own... Also my mom was a teen mom (at 13 with her first, 15 with me... etc) and she did fine. I think it really depends on the individual and how mature they are. Teen moms can be just as good, if not better, than older moms and eventhough they have a hard road ahead of them, I believe that they are just as capable. It also helps if you have a strong support system, because you do need someone that will be there for you and help lead you in the right direction. I dont think that anyone should judge a teen mom anymore than they should judge unwed mothers.... As long as the love and the dedication to succeed is there, the education will come and this is strictly my opinion.








Testimony that teen moms breed teen moms.










That is your opinion... The one thing that I hope is that your children are not as judgemental as you are.





It's not so much "judgmental" as it is truth. There was a pattern with your family, I know too many people with the same pattern.. The fact is that too many teens see what their parents did (in this case becoming a teen mom) and think that b/c their parents did just "fine" that they, too, will do just "fine". And if their parents used things like Welfare and Food Stamps, they are likely to do the same. It's an age old saying and a cliche` one at that, but 'Monkey see, monkey do'..

Jodi - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Betsy:



Quoting Octavia:




Quoting Betsy:





Quoting Octavia:

I was a teen mom (at 19) and I have had no probs raising my son on my own... Also my mom was a teen mom (at 13 with her first, 15 with me... etc) and she did fine. I think it really depends on the individual and how mature they are. Teen moms can be just as good, if not better, than older moms and eventhough they have a hard road ahead of them, I believe that they are just as capable. It also helps if you have a strong support system, because you do need someone that will be there for you and help lead you in the right direction. I dont think that anyone should judge a teen mom anymore than they should judge unwed mothers.... As long as the love and the dedication to succeed is there, the education will come and this is strictly my opinion.










A lot of it is the personal definition of "fine." I can't see how a 15 yr old mom of 2 kids with limited education would be qualified for and be hired to a position to earn a income able to provide all basic needs for a family of 3. Being 13 yrs old, most area you aren't even old enough to legally work, so I can't see how a 13 yr old could legally provide for their family, nevermind they can't even legally sign a contract to rent an apt, get electricity or fuel.  "Fine" to most is at a much greater standard I think. A mom working and paying all the bills, but still needing to watch it and budget, is doing fine. Living at home or having society pay all living expenses doesn't come close to the average adult's standard of "fine." That's actually considered a mess, and a costly mess to the taxpayers footing the bill.













First off boo, my mom got NO assistance from the taxpayers!!!!  She was able to work and she did and she put HERSELF through LPN school with 3 kids, so you may need to ask the question 'how did she do it' before you assume...










Well then why don't you share how? I am sure many would be interested in where a 13 yr old, with not even a high school education, could earn a salary to support a family, especially since most can't obtain a work permit until the age of 14. With a slow economy, I am sure people would love to hear how that is done at 13 yrs old.






Oh God, just the thought of a 13 year old having a baby makes me sick, let alone how she coped with it.  I have a son who is 12, and he is just a kid!!  I hate hearing it being glorified.  Its just wrong, I don't care how much anyone tries to argue otherwise.  Tell me when your own kids are 13 that you still think its ok.

Keneshea - posted on 12/11/2009

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&&All You Guys Are Doin Is Saying The Same BullCramp About Teen Moms Now When You All Give Me A Better Thing Beside What Some One Else Said 10Min Ago iWill Have No Prob Shuting My Mouth But Until Then iShall Keep Speakin B/c There Are Some Lazy Teen Moms&Some Who Work They Butt Off To Do Any&Everything For The Child Like Me So When You State Wrong Facts Your Making Them Wrong Cause Not All Teen Moms Do What You Guys Say Some Of Us Do Learn That Our Teenage Years Are Over Time To Grow Up And Be A Woman But Like iSaid Before You All Are Making A Big Deal Out Of Somethign So Lil Lets Talk About How Some You Moms Drink And Smoke Around Your Kids Or How You Guys Are On Drugs What About That What About You Moms Who Let Any Man Treat Your Kids How They Want Come On Now People Please Think About That Being A Teen Mom Is Less Of The Mom Troubles Like Really Lay Off Our Back An Get On To The Moms Who Kids Are Blowing Up Schools Or Fighting In Schools Lets Talk About That;;

Octavia - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Betsy:



Quoting Octavia:




Quoting Betsy:





Quoting Octavia:

I was a teen mom (at 19) and I have had no probs raising my son on my own... Also my mom was a teen mom (at 13 with her first, 15 with me... etc) and she did fine. I think it really depends on the individual and how mature they are. Teen moms can be just as good, if not better, than older moms and eventhough they have a hard road ahead of them, I believe that they are just as capable. It also helps if you have a strong support system, because you do need someone that will be there for you and help lead you in the right direction. I dont think that anyone should judge a teen mom anymore than they should judge unwed mothers.... As long as the love and the dedication to succeed is there, the education will come and this is strictly my opinion.










A lot of it is the personal definition of "fine." I can't see how a 15 yr old mom of 2 kids with limited education would be qualified for and be hired to a position to earn a income able to provide all basic needs for a family of 3. Being 13 yrs old, most area you aren't even old enough to legally work, so I can't see how a 13 yr old could legally provide for their family, nevermind they can't even legally sign a contract to rent an apt, get electricity or fuel.  "Fine" to most is at a much greater standard I think. A mom working and paying all the bills, but still needing to watch it and budget, is doing fine. Living at home or having society pay all living expenses doesn't come close to the average adult's standard of "fine." That's actually considered a mess, and a costly mess to the taxpayers footing the bill.













First off boo, my mom got NO assistance from the taxpayers!!!!  She was able to work and she did and she put HERSELF through LPN school with 3 kids, so you may need to ask the question 'how did she do it' before you assume...










Well then why don't you share how? I am sure many would be interested in where a 13 yr old, with not even a high school education, could earn a salary to support a family, especially since most can't obtain a work permit until the age of 14. With a slow economy, I am sure people would love to hear how that is done at 13 yrs old.






First off understand that this was in the 70s!!!!  Second, my father was in the military and my mother worked at a nursing home doing what she could to put food on the table.... The people there knew that she was a young mother and gave her the work they could until she was able to work fulltime.  If you will take a second and step off your high horse and be a little more openminded you will see some people do know that they have to grow up when they get pregnant. I do not feel ashamed about anything that me or my mother went through because in the end, I did learn that things happen and you have to make the best out of the situation.  Instead of lecturing and judging, it seems to me that you would want to encourage the already teen moms and educated the ones that arent that it is not the way to go.  I am not going to waste MY precious time on you anymore....

Betsy - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Octavia:



Quoting Betsy:




Quoting Octavia:

I was a teen mom (at 19) and I have had no probs raising my son on my own... Also my mom was a teen mom (at 13 with her first, 15 with me... etc) and she did fine. I think it really depends on the individual and how mature they are. Teen moms can be just as good, if not better, than older moms and eventhough they have a hard road ahead of them, I believe that they are just as capable. It also helps if you have a strong support system, because you do need someone that will be there for you and help lead you in the right direction. I dont think that anyone should judge a teen mom anymore than they should judge unwed mothers.... As long as the love and the dedication to succeed is there, the education will come and this is strictly my opinion.








A lot of it is the personal definition of "fine." I can't see how a 15 yr old mom of 2 kids with limited education would be qualified for and be hired to a position to earn a income able to provide all basic needs for a family of 3. Being 13 yrs old, most area you aren't even old enough to legally work, so I can't see how a 13 yr old could legally provide for their family, nevermind they can't even legally sign a contract to rent an apt, get electricity or fuel.  "Fine" to most is at a much greater standard I think. A mom working and paying all the bills, but still needing to watch it and budget, is doing fine. Living at home or having society pay all living expenses doesn't come close to the average adult's standard of "fine." That's actually considered a mess, and a costly mess to the taxpayers footing the bill.










First off boo, my mom got NO assistance from the taxpayers!!!!  She was able to work and she did and she put HERSELF through LPN school with 3 kids, so you may need to ask the question 'how did she do it' before you assume...






Well then why don't you share how? I am sure many would be interested in where a 13 yr old, with not even a high school education, could earn a salary to support a family, especially since most can't obtain a work permit until the age of 14. With a slow economy, I am sure people would love to hear how that is done at 13 yrs old.

Kelsey - posted on 12/11/2009

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What Is With Every Word Starting With A Capitol Letter. I could barely stand to read it! Or better yet... Wut Is Wit Evrey Werd Starting Wit A Capitel Leter? Hehehehehe!!!! Okay, sorry I know its not that bad. Im feeling a little feisty tonight. Im just having fun cause I really cant believe people think talking like that is going to make them sound like anything but an idiot. Where did that accent come from anyway? Its very different than southern, its a made up accent that was introduced my uneducated gangsters that think its cool to be uneducated and like to brag about their hard life and think noone else suffers but them. Noone is going to take you seriously when you speak that way, and noone is going to respect you when you speak that way. Please dont pretend to be any less educated than you are, dont be like everyone else around you. Be the best person you can be. Dont be a follower. This is why generations after generations stay in the same situations, its not the world, its you. Rise above it, you are not any less capable than anyone else. Have some self respect. If not for you, for your children. Dont get all huffy either, I love everyone. I wish everyone the best, and this is why Im being honest with you. I hope for a better life for you. This is for all mothers, especially teen mothers, never think you cant do something. You can do anything. Cheesy I know, but its so true.

Octavia - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Betsy:



Quoting Octavia:

I was a teen mom (at 19) and I have had no probs raising my son on my own... Also my mom was a teen mom (at 13 with her first, 15 with me... etc) and she did fine. I think it really depends on the individual and how mature they are. Teen moms can be just as good, if not better, than older moms and eventhough they have a hard road ahead of them, I believe that they are just as capable. It also helps if you have a strong support system, because you do need someone that will be there for you and help lead you in the right direction. I dont think that anyone should judge a teen mom anymore than they should judge unwed mothers.... As long as the love and the dedication to succeed is there, the education will come and this is strictly my opinion.






A lot of it is the personal definition of "fine." I can't see how a 15 yr old mom of 2 kids with limited education would be qualified for and be hired to a position to earn a income able to provide all basic needs for a family of 3. Being 13 yrs old, most area you aren't even old enough to legally work, so I can't see how a 13 yr old could legally provide for their family, nevermind they can't even legally sign a contract to rent an apt, get electricity or fuel.  "Fine" to most is at a much greater standard I think. A mom working and paying all the bills, but still needing to watch it and budget, is doing fine. Living at home or having society pay all living expenses doesn't come close to the average adult's standard of "fine." That's actually considered a mess, and a costly mess to the taxpayers footing the bill.






First off boo, my mom got NO assistance from the taxpayers!!!!  She was able to work and she did and she put HERSELF through LPN school with 3 kids, so you may need to ask the question 'how did she do it' before you assume...

Octavia - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Sharon:



Quoting Octavia:

I was a teen mom (at 19) and I have had no probs raising my son on my own... Also my mom was a teen mom (at 13 with her first, 15 with me... etc) and she did fine. I think it really depends on the individual and how mature they are. Teen moms can be just as good, if not better, than older moms and eventhough they have a hard road ahead of them, I believe that they are just as capable. It also helps if you have a strong support system, because you do need someone that will be there for you and help lead you in the right direction. I dont think that anyone should judge a teen mom anymore than they should judge unwed mothers.... As long as the love and the dedication to succeed is there, the education will come and this is strictly my opinion.






Testimony that teen moms breed teen moms.






That is your opinion... The one thing that I hope is that your children are not as judgemental as you are.

Octavia - posted on 12/11/2009

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Quoting Krista:



Quoting Octavia:

I was a teen mom (at 19) and I have had no probs raising my son on my own... Also my mom was a teen mom (at 13 with her first, 15 with me... etc) and she did fine. I think it really depends on the individual and how mature they are. Teen moms can be just as good, if not better, than older moms and eventhough they have a hard road ahead of them, I believe that they are just as capable. It also helps if you have a strong support system, because you do need someone that will be there for you and help lead you in the right direction. I dont think that anyone should judge a teen mom anymore than they should judge unwed mothers.... As long as the love and the dedication to succeed is there, the education will come and this is strictly my opinion.





You make some excellent points. Some teen moms ARE better mothers than older moms. And many of them are just as capable. 






The issue that I (and many others here) have, however, is that some of the moms on this thread are glossing over the difficulties, and are trying to convince us that it's perfectly fine, even desirable, to have a baby when in your teens. You seem like a very sensible woman, and I don't doubt that you did an awesome job raising your son. I think I'm pretty safe in assuming, however, that you don't want him to be a father as a teenager. None of us want that for our kids -- and that is because being a teenage parent is damn hard, and you've got so much stacked against you. You can be a great teen parent, but man oh man -- why is it so hard for some people to admit that it's STILL better to wait? 





 



Yes, you are correct... I would not want my son to be a teen parent, but in the messed up case that he does (Lord, I hope not) I will be there for him, because I KNOW how hard it is and I do not wish that on him or anyone else.  I do believe that it is better to wait.  I just dont want teen moms to think that they cant be good moms because of their age... Yes, there is an uphill battle ahead of them, but with dedication, motivation, education, and a great support system, they can make it.

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