Why do people make you feel bad for not nursing??

Erinn - posted on 07/17/2009 ( 24 moms have responded )

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I really LOVED nursing my children (nursed my son for about a year and a half and my daughter for 8 months). I'm being made to feel bad because I no longer nurse.. my milk has completely dried up and she's doing very well with the formula. Am I a horrible mom now since I no longer nurse her?? I just want her to be happy and now she is, since her tummy is getting full!! Has anyone else dealt with this??

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[deleted account]

Just ignore them. People like to get on their high horse. I am the biggest breast feeding radical there is and even I don't criticize people who I don't know or that I know did nurse for a while. YOU know that you are doing what is best for your child. There's always going to be an idiot with an attitude. Don't let them make you feel bad.

Kimberly - posted on 07/18/2009

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No,not a bad mom at all! You cannot help the fact that health issues got in the way. Nothing is wrong with formula. It's not "bad". It's just generally known that breastmilk is better. Don't let people make you feel bad about it. You're doing the best you can for your child,and that's what matters.

Michelle - posted on 07/18/2009

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I nursed my oldest for 6months. When she was 6months old one day she started crying and wouldn't stop. I tried nursing her, changing her diaper, checking to be sure her clothes weren't to tight, putting her down for a nap...nothing worked, so I tried formula and that made her happy! So, as sad as I was to give up our beautiful bonding time, I had to listen to my daughter. With my youngest who is 5months old, I had a very painful experience! After like 2 1/2 weeks of painful breastfeeding, I ended up in the emergency room with a breast infection on my right side. A few days later I was rushed into my doctor's office with a breast infection on the left side and with that I gave it up! 3wks of painful breastfeeding and misery for me and yet, I feel guilty about not breastfeeding her longer! But I tried and went through extreme pain...my daughter is healthy and happy! Whether we breastfeed or formula feed as long as our kids are happy, there is no right or wrong way! They are getting food and anybody who wants to judge for a person not breastfeeding should think twice! You never know what is going on in that person's life!!

Janice - posted on 07/18/2009

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It's not your fault if your milk has dried up. Nothing you can do about that so why feel bad. You tried. I think moms just know there are so many benefits to nursing

Jesica - posted on 07/18/2009

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Your not a horrible mother just because you cant nurse. When my daughter was born she was in the NICU and the nurses wouldn't let me even try to nurse. To be honest, I had a really bad childhood of being sexually abused and thought that nursing is something that I would never be comfortable with so I said from the start that I will pump and give her the milk and that is what I did. But with having cysts in my breast after 3 weeks of pumping I started to produce bloody milk and had to go to formula. While she was in the hospital it was fine, the hospital had started to get her used to the formula and no one knew what she was being fed other than us of course. But the day she was let out of the hospital I had to go to the shop and by her neosure and the lady that was checking me out just started to yell at me for being a bad mother. I left the shop in tears hardly fit to drive home cuz I was crying so bad. After hearing so many people tell me how wrong I was for giving my daughter formula I can to the conclusion that people who say your a bad mother for not being able to nurse are just retards anyway and probably make you feel bad because they can't do it themselves. I know its hard when people make you feel less of a mother because of it, but I would remind them that formula is better than no food at all.

Amy - posted on 07/18/2009

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Yup! Had to stop nursing my son around 5 maybe 6 months due to a hospital infection, the antibiotics dried up my milk supply, i barely had enough milk to wean properly. But in any case, it's no ones business. It's a mothers personal choice to breastfeed. It doesn't matter WHY she does or doesn't do it. Your not a bad mom just because it didn't work out, please don't let those jerks get you down, you did what was best and your child is happy. I always told those judgmental pieces of crap where they can put it.

[deleted account]

Oh yes I nursed but only for 4 months with my first one and 6 months with my second.I think you did a great job and should'nt let anyone elses opions bother you or make you feel bad.Its you and your life not anyone elses.Its sounds like you already know you did what was right for your child so dont let others second guess you.

Libby - posted on 07/17/2009

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I think a lot of the reasons what people say about nursing or not makes us feel guilty is because we already had a sense of guilt to begin with. Perhaps things didn't go how we had planned in our heads and that's where we first feel guilty because we feel like we didn't achieve what we wanted. I think blaming it on someone else making us feel guilty is just a person's way to displace the harsh feelings really.

Teri - posted on 07/17/2009

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Of course you're not a horrible mom! She's doing well with formula and that's what counts. Just tell anyone who is critical that your daughter is happy and her doctor says she's healthy so it was obviously a good decision. Unfortunately, there are people who believe that if you aren't doing exactly what they've done, it's some sort of reflection on their decisions. So, they try to make you feel bad about YOUR decisions. These people are called jerks.

Sarah - posted on 07/17/2009

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bcoz they havent got a clue what r the reasons of not breastfeeding, ppl like to pass remarks n gv advice without knowing anything, keep listening n ignoring

Angela - posted on 07/17/2009

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People giving you flack about your decisions is just part of life. It's the saying "damned if you do, damned if you don't". I have breast fed the past 14 1/2 months and had a natural childbirth....I've had people give me negative flack for both of those things too. The fact is, everyone's situations are different. Trust me, I UNDERSTAND WHY someone would want to not deal with the constant painful assaults to your breasts, as well as why labor would be easier and less painful with an epidural. Both processes are very painful and difficult- each person has their reasons for choosing one or another. As several people have said.....YOU know your reasons for why you do what you do....it's nobody elses business and if they decide to stick their nose in it then that's their problem. Besides, you breasfed for 8 months! That's fantastic! :-)

Kimberly - posted on 07/17/2009

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I have 3 children and tried to nurse the first two but with no luck. Just wasn't producing enough milk for them. So when I had number three I didn't even try and people treated me the same way. It's just one of those things that becase it is healthier for the baby, to most people it's a no brainer BUT in certain cases it's not an option. I think in your case you feel bad for not continuing otherwise it wouldn't bother you because you did nurse your children. Just not until they were 8..LOL Everyone has to stop at some point and every situation is diffrent and you can't satisfy everybody. So if you feel ok with your decision then that is GREAT for you!!

Kristina - posted on 07/17/2009

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Hi Erinn,



My intentions were to nurse my daughter, Emily. However, after a very long and difficult labor, I was exhausted. I attempted to nurse her immediately after my delivery; however, I did not have the strength. My labor & delivery nurse "demanded" that I continue nursing my daughter at 2am and basically forced my daughter upon my breast. The following day, I met with a lactation specialist and informed her of the above situation; b/c of someone who was supposed to support me through my labor & delivery, I choose not to nurse my daughter. My daughter is now 4 months old and is doing very well on formula. Remember this....it is YOUR CHOICE & YOUR BODY....never let anyone tell you differently!!! Best of luck & and your children are beautiful!!!

Jude - posted on 07/17/2009

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My daughter absolutely refused to nurse; I tried for weeks, and she just wouldn't eat, and kept loosing weight. I cried like crazy! Finally, I gave up and switched to formula - and feeding time was still great bonding time! With my son, I was on medication for migraines that was dangerous for breast feeding, so - bottle it was! Again, great bonding time. I don't know how many people thought I was wrong for giving up with Madi or for not quitting the meds with Isaiah, but there is so much to take into account! Sometimes, breast feeding is not the best option.

Sounds like, in your case, breast feeding just isn't a good option anymore! What's more important is that your kid is full and happy! You can just respond to them by saying something like, "What? It'd be better to starve the kid?"

User - posted on 07/17/2009

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Breastmilk is nutritionally better - but what is BEST is what works for you and your baby. I breastfed my daughter exclusively until she was 3 months old, then she started clamping so badly that I was in tears from the pain - and every tip and trick that I received, I tried - and NOTHING made her stop! I decided that me in tears while nursing wasn't BEST for my baby - and I weaned her completely before she was 4 months old.

Don't feel guilty and don't allow others to make you feel guilty - it will only make you miserable! YOU know the truth - other people don't always know the full situation and just make a instant assessment of the situation in front of them.

What is BEST is what works the best for you and your baby so that you are both happy and healthy.

Katherine - posted on 07/17/2009

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Yeah they say breast is best.But so is going with the flow and doing what is right 4 yourself and baby.Sometimes we have no choice in what happens.Be proud that u fed your children as long as u did. Who r these people anyway,it's none of their business! The main thing is a happy mum and happy bubba!

Jessica - posted on 07/17/2009

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all these comments make me feel much better... my daughter was never satisfied strickly nursing. We suplement now, but i cried and fought with myself for days about it becuase i felt so bad from ppl saying breast is best and that nothing is as good for them

Rema - posted on 07/17/2009

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I agree with all the ladies, don't let anyone make you feel bad for not nursing you child.
like Stephanie says just put your foot down and keep it there. and tell everyone to mind there own business because these are your childern NOT theres' and you know what's best for them and trust me you did great for 8 month because the fact is (you can ask your doctor to confirm) breast milk has an effect on your child only in the 1st 6months. and then it's just a source of bond between MOM and BABY. So you did great and as long as she is happy and healthy You don't have to worry about anything. I am a mom of 3 and I breastfeed my 1st for a year, my 2nd for 4months (my milk dried up, just like you) and my 3rd for a year. they are very healthy and happy and my kids ages are 19year old boy, 17 year old boy, and 14month old Princess. I have been there years ago and i'm here again now. :-)

Sandy - posted on 07/17/2009

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People who try to make you feel guilty are basically very insecure, perhaps jealous. You do what's best for you and your family.

Rema - posted on 07/17/2009

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I agree with Stephanie, just put your foot down and keep it there. you did your part, you breast feed her for 8 month. the fact is after the age of 6 month old the milk doesn't have the same effect on your child as it has in the 1st 6. So don't worry you did what most people wouldn't do. and NO you are NOT a bad MOM for not nursing her anymore.
don't let people get you that way. she's happy and healthy and that's what matter. and for those people who tries to put you down they need to either get out of your life or just simply GET A LIFE. they need to mind there own business not yours, and you need to tell them that.

Robyn - posted on 07/17/2009

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I only nursed my first son for a week. He was eating every half hour and only sleeping for a half hour, and I could not keep up with it anymore. It turns out I wasn't producing enough milk and he wasn't gaining any weight, so I was basically starving my child. The nurses said nursing was best, but if you can't keep up with it, what good are you as a mother? My mom told me not to let them make me feel guilty, telling me that my son would catch on to my irritability and would just be a snowball effect. I put him on formula after the first week. He's 17 months now and is just fine and is very smart, he catches on to everything. My second son is 6 weeks, only breastfed him for two days. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty. You are their mother, and you know what's best.

Tiffany - posted on 07/17/2009

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i got pregnant 3 months after having my first, she stopped nursing almost immediately not becasue i wanted her to but becasue she just stopped. i got pregnant 6 months after my second and she quit cold turkey right away too. I felt bad enough on my own without having others make me feel guilty that i couldnt nurse anymore. Don't let others make you feel bad, you want to make her happy, and if she is then just ignore what others say.

Stephanie - posted on 07/17/2009

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I never nursed my daughter.. and everyone gave me heck for it too.. All you can do is basically say "hey these are my children. i decide what is best for them." basically put your foot down and keep it there.

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