Why do people think it's ok to...

Nakita - posted on 02/03/2010

i was on a baby site the other day and i say a sign that you hang on your stroller or car seats, or what ever else you wanted to hang it on. and it says "please do not touch me due to germs"(as if the baby was saying it) lol i thought it was funny.

Carrie - posted on 02/03/2010

HA, I know what you mean, People always touch my daughter and when I say please don't they look at me like I am a jerk for not letting them. Don't they understand that my child puts her hands in her mouth and these people are grabbing her hands. Germs people!!!!

I usually have to tell people please don't touch she has a cold even tho she doesn't.

Amy - posted on 02/03/2010

I keep a bottle of hand sanitizer in the cupholder of my stroller. As soon as I see someone coming in for a touch, I grab the bottle and hold it out. It'll catch people off guard, but it will definitely send a strong message.

Helen - posted on 02/03/2010

i have to admit, i hated people touching my belly when i was pregnant! i was at work one day and some drunk guy came in and started leaning on me and touching my belly and i ended up punching him because he continued after i asked him to stop. id had a miscarriage before so i think i was over-protective of my bump. poor guy came back the next day and appologised! as for touching my babies- i have been blessed with a beautiful son and daughter and i am more than happy to show them to the world! when my daughter was born she weighed 6lbs 1 oz, a tiny, perfect bundle with blonde hair and blue eyes, the first time we went to asda it took us an hour and a half because everyone wanted to look at her and most people would just gently stroke her cheek or the back of her hand. i didnt have a problem with it because it was mainly elderly people who just wanted to admire the precious new born baby. we actually came out with about 20quid because people were giving her money for her piggy bank which is a common custom in england. i didnt get that worried about germs because i just wiped her hands and face over with a baby wipe after we finished shopping. you pick up more germs from handleing money than most people have on there hands and i bet most of you touch your kids straight after handleing money anyway! a few germs are actually good for babys because it helps there immune systems anyway! when my kids are ill i warn people that they have colds or whatever and most people will keep their distance but still talk to them. kids need interaction its not like these people are going to kidnap your kid with you standing right beside them!

Corinne - posted on 02/03/2010

Sorry but, maybe you all are a bit paranoid... K, I agree... it's not exactly polite for a stranger to touch your baby... but really? I say as long as its not the hands or face... then its not that big of a deal. If I am uncomfortable with someone then I put myself between them and the baby... simple as that... There are nicer ways of stopping ppl from touching baby without being rude.

Holly - posted on 02/03/2010

Ever seen Christmas Vacation? "You might want to be careful, he has a lip fungus they haven't identified yet..."

Julie - posted on 02/03/2010

I always had people talk to my daughters when they were little (we live in an area with a large population of elderly people) and there were only a couple of times that I can remember someone making me uncomfortable. It was just one of those gut instincts, but I made excuses and we moved away. Our youngest is now almost 9 and has been taught that it's okay to talk to people when me or hubby is there with her but not when she's by herself. As far as germs, the girls seemed to catch almost everything when they were small but no that they are older we rarely catch more than a mild cold. Kids have germs, will find germs and are willing to share germs. I would rather them have a strong immune system than be constantly worrying about what they might be touching. My only stipulation was when I went through chemo and then I made the girls wash as soon as they walked in the door. :)

Caroline - posted on 02/03/2010

take your child out less often.. and stay away from crowded places. and ensure that pple wash thea hands before they touch your baby.. ask em politely

Manuela - posted on 02/03/2010

Just be honest, say the baby doesn`t like it and neither do you. You don't have to make friends:)

Tracey - posted on 02/03/2010

my god are we all so anal, when we are out with our babies it make us proud that someone notices how beautiful they are, in my experience 1 out of 500 actually touch our children an they are mostly grandparent age and we are right there so nothing horrible is going to happen, as for the germ thing well...the more we wrap in cotton wool the less the immune system!

Dana - posted on 02/02/2010

I used to do that and then I wondered how harmful it was for my baby to ingest the chemicals from the wipes and hand sanitizer. I think germs are safer now, but I didn't always think that way. Read up on over-use of these products, my family doesn't get sick nearly as often as we did back when all soaps were antibiotic and I never left home without Purell. I learned that germs are not avoidable. Learn to live with them.

Dana - posted on 02/02/2010

I would cringe when anyone would touch my baby's hands. Immediately I would wipe her hand with an antibacterial wipe - right in front of them. I agree that people should ask before picking the baby up. But now that I'm a lot wiser I don't agree with being terrified of germs. They are part of our world and being exposed is how the immune system builds strength. Living in a bubble is not healthy. I wished I had learned that a long time ago. But since I've BTDT - I totally understand why you feel that way. Society has its own way of teaching us things and sometimes society is wrong. This is one of those times. Coming from a recovering germaphobe who's still a compulsive hand-washer...it took holding my breath to type it...now I'll go deal with my anxiety over people touching your little one, lol.

Penny - posted on 02/02/2010

YOU COULD TRY TELLING THEM HE IS UNWELL AND YOU ARE NOT SURE IF IT IS CONTAGIOUS

Nancy - posted on 02/02/2010

How about you fake some sneezes, then try to touch them! :)

Krista - posted on 02/02/2010

Kelly, there's nothing wrong with hugging and showing affection to friends. But these aren't friends we're talking about here -- these are complete strangers. Bit of a difference there.

Kanthi - posted on 02/02/2010

me too i hate it too. my baby was 5 weeks prem another mother asked to hold her, i said ok then her son who is 3yrs asked to not me to hold her before i could say no she gave her to him. my son nearly hit the roof . the mother saw my son was not happy and gave her back. so have over proctective sibilly . or daddy

Alexis - posted on 02/02/2010

My mother, in her 50's does this. It's difficult to stop. It's my experience that much of this unwelcomed attention comes from people of the age where it was ok to touch children. They simply are showing a baby love in a granparenting way. I'm just not sure how, other than just being plain rude and mean you can prevent this. It's human nature! Sorry.

Kelly - posted on 02/02/2010

Americans must be one of the only groups of people I've seen that have issues with being close and allowing others to be close to us. I grew up in Germany for 5 yrs and most of the places I went in Europe I was able to expereince the closeness they have with each other. They have close ties and aren't afraid to hug and show affection to friends. Whats so wrong with that?

Isobel - posted on 02/02/2010

I agree...those who don't want their child admired should keep them at home. Honestly...how grumpy do you have to be to not understand that some NICE people love babies and that babies need to learn socialization from the very beginning. If your baby bites, or has a compromised immune system...or just has parents who generally hate the world...he/she should be left at home.

Suzette, a safe place is what you teach your child a safe place is (I for one would ASSUME from the chains and locks on the fence around the school yard that we ALL know that a school yard is NOT a safe place...Pedophiles are often drawn to them). I have taught my children that they are safe with me and our trusted inner circle.

I have taught them that a stranger is anybody who has not been in our home, and I often ask them if acquaintances that we know are safe or strangers...and they know which are which, so I don't think they have any qualms about what an actual stranger is.

As for stores...they know that if we are ever separated and somebody tries to tell them to go through ANY doors to find the most expensive thing they can find and break it (even if it's a TV). That way the manager won't LET them leave until I am there to pay the bill.

Krista - posted on 02/02/2010

Actually, I think you're being quite reasonable. In your first post, I misinterpreted what you were saying that you didn't even want strangers admiring or coming near your child, and thought that was a bit excessive. Thanks for the clarification. :)

Suzette - posted on 02/02/2010

Krista, most people are drawn to cute babies, but as you also stated "most people are probably well meaning." I'm not comfortable, just as quite a few people I know aren't, with the numerous other people in the world that aren't. When I'm out with my child if a person wants to admire them, they can. It doesn't mean they have to have their hands all over my child. They can admire without placing their hands on my child. They can wave, they can smile, etc. but they don't have to touch. I don't like people I don't know touching me either. Merely for the fact that you don't know if that person washes their hands after they go to the bathroom, do they pick their nose and not use tissue. I have 80+ yr old grandparents that I will make sanitize their hands first. Only because they are diabetic and have a habit of checking their blood sugar and not washing their hands so they have blood test strips laying all over the place. My child won't be crawling, walking, etc. until I've checked the floor and they won't be holding my child until they've washed their hands. And that's just for someone I know, I have no idea what a stranger does... why would I want to risk my child to that? If you feel comfortable doing so, more power to you.

Patricia - posted on 02/02/2010

If you are that worried keep your baby home! tiny newborns should be kept home anyway at least for the first couple of months especially during flu season. I personally would not touch a strangers baby but I am sure strangers have touched mine and told me how beautiful they were and I took it as a compliment!!

Krista - posted on 02/02/2010

Fair enough, Suzette -- but if the parent is right there WITH the child, and actually has their eyes on them, then I don't agree with you that any and all strangers should be shunned, as you indicated in your original post. Yeah, there are some weirdos out there, but most people are probably well-meaning and are just drawn to the cute baby, which is perfectly normal -- most of us ARE drawn to cute babies. Obviously, it is up to you as to whether or not to allow anybody to touch your kid, but if you're with your child and are in a public place, it must be awfully stressful and tiring to be constantly steering your kid away from other people. When I'm out shopping, I love it when the sales clerks admire my baby -- he likes seeing new faces, it brightens their day, and it brightens my day. Where's the harm in that?

Becca - posted on 02/02/2010

I found that wearing my baby in a wrap against my chest stops most people with out me having to say anything and this allowed me to quickly move him away from those determined to touch him regardless (I'd usually scowl and excuse myself). I found the hardest people to stop were young children who just didn't know any better and that for these situations I just had to be clear but firm that it was not okay.

Louise - posted on 02/02/2010

people touching my bump was definitely the worst thing ever untill someone rudely opened my sons pram one day and stuck there head in, he was 5 days old, i could not help but tell them to step away from the pram imediatly was so rude !!

Charlene - posted on 02/01/2010

I actually don't have a problem with people touching my 6 month old daughter, although, I've never had anyone try to touch her face or hands. It's mostly little old ladies wanting to tickle her feet. My daughter loves the attention and if she sees someone she'll show off by squealing and giggling until they at least talk to her and if they don't she can get a little mad. Haha.



I also had quite a few people ask to rub my belly when I was pregnant with her and I always said sure. A lot of them told me that they believe it'll bring good luck or good health. I had never heard that before I got pregnant and then I heard it all the time.



But if you don't like it, just say so. No need to be rude, but be assertive for sure.

Jessica - posted on 02/01/2010

It's all about body language. I don't mind ppl touch my child because in my culture, it is rude to just stare and not say hi to her. So I smile and say "abbi say hi" and she waves and they in turn shake her hand. If she's sick or I notice them coughing into their hands (even if they use hand sanitizer, my sister's university did an independent study and it showed it does not kill viruses), I hold her closer and say "she hasn't been feeling well" and walk away.

Chelsey - posted on 02/01/2010

Girl i would really like to know the answer to that question? when my daughter was a couple of weeks old we went to the store and she was so tiny to me being a first time mom i was right there didnt feel the need to strap her in my boyfriend went t get something and with my hand on the cart i turned to look at something and all of the sudden i felt something touch the cart i turned fast and there was a ladie standing there with her arms reached out like she was gonna pick my daughter up. I immedently smacked her hands away and ask her what she was doing and she hurryed out the store to this day i think she was gonna take my daughter people are crazy and i never will turn my back to her again!

Lynea - posted on 02/01/2010

Thank you ladies :) I am glad I am not alone with this. I have yet to have my baby but a good friend of mine has a 3month old and while we were walking around a bridal show people kept reaching out and touching her baby. My fiance and I are both very outspoken about things like this and I do not want to constantly feel like I am blowing up on strangers. So thank you all!

Renee - posted on 02/01/2010

I think they think babies are so cute, and they are not really thinking, but I am one that always ask first

Suzette - posted on 02/01/2010

Krista, actually those are supposed to be safe environments. A school yard that is fenced in, gates padlocked with chains around them, should be safe when there are teachers monitoring the playground. That should be a safe environment for a child. They are there to protect your child when you are not around. (Also to teach your child, obviously.) It's also obvious that a mother will teach her child, as my niece's mother has done, not to talk to strangers. However, when a child is at school and they feel they are protected, they will talk to others. That's also something that is obvious. Just as if they were to have a substitute teacher, that person is someone they don't know, but the children will talk to them. Should they scream "stranger danger!" just because they've never seen the person before? As another person pointed out, the concept is ridiculous. All a person has to do is introduce themselves, a child will say, "Well, I know their name, so I know them!" While it doesn't make sense to us, it makes sense to them. There are other ways that parents have to go around to teach their child not to talk to strangers, not just by telling them "if you don't know them, don't talk to them".



As far as the military posts, again if a child is walking less than a block from the school to their home and they know everyone that lives in that area, it is rather easy for them to feel safe. It's not uncommon to see cars stop and people talking to one another, whether it's someone who works in the same unit, lives in the same neighborhood, or women who happen to know one another from the gym. So when a car stops to talk to a child, people often misconstrue that it's another mother offering a child a ride home, as it happens once and again. A gated community where people have to sign in, show ID, have their vehicles checked rather thoroughly if done properly, should be a very safe environment. The problem is that the companies that hire those people for deliveries, don't always do the proper background checks. Unfortunately, it puts others at risk.



When walking through a mall, grocery store, etc. it's not as though a person will be shrieking "Stranger danger!" just because a stranger walks up to see their child, unless you want to take things to some overbearing extreme. However, the fact remains that what your comfortable with may not be what others are comfortable with. What you consider a safe environment is entirely different than what I consider it to be.



Safe to me is where home is, where I entrust people to watch after my child, that means with or without me. If someone is able to walk up to the school yard and talk to my child, while others are supposed to be supervising, then either they're not doing their job or my child feels "safe" in that environment (as they should) and was under the impression that it was okay to talk to that person. There are far too many children that go missing from schools because people don't pay attention. I wonder how many of those parents taught their children about the strangers.

Corinne - posted on 02/01/2010

I have a car seat with a sack covering that looks like a sleeping bag to keep baby warm. Luckily this acts as a first line of defense and people don't tend to touch the baby but they are still driven to pull the covering away. I work in heath care and also get nervous and have difficulty with former patients who come up and want to see the baby. I don't mind with most but haven't found a way to tactfully keep the less hygienic people away. My husband has been tempted to lie and tell people not to touch the baby because he has swine flu but I refuse to have him do this.

Jamie - posted on 02/01/2010

We put a sign on my son's infant carrier that said "I bite. Do not touch me". :o)

Cindy - posted on 02/01/2010

And like Natalie...I also keep wipes handy and do a superfast wipedown whenever someone manages to sneak one in on me. And I do this in front of the toucher so the meaning is clear as well.

Cindy - posted on 02/01/2010

I'm not sure why others feel the need to reach out and touch someone they don't know, especially pregnant women and babies. My husband was the 'belly blocker' while we were pregnant because I was certain that I would not be able to not be rude if someone rubbed my belly.

Thankfully our stroller has a pull down netting that attaches from the top to the tray. This not only keeps the toys inside but the hands----stranger or otherwise---outside. This has been worth its weight! Whenever she's not in the stroller, but in my arms, grocery cart, etc, I usually block the would-be toucher and explain that I don't want anyone touching her hands or feet because she's always putting them in her mouth. You can usually see the light bulb go off in the person's head and they get the meaning and you don't sound rude at all.

I don't like to be rude to strangers or kids at church or wherever because I believe it's harmless whenever someone sees a baby to comment on how cute or want to touch their hand...but the bottom line is that it's my child and I'll do whatever is necessary to protect her.

Natalie - posted on 02/01/2010

Oh also, i ALWAYS have wipes with my for that reason so if someone was too fast and sneaky and touched them before i could react i would wipe them down right after

Natalie - posted on 02/01/2010

Me too! It happened a lot when when my kids were under 1. People just wanna touch babies.
I got real pissed off once when we went to babies'r'us and a mom with her baby and husband were there and then she said "oh how cute is she!" and before i knew it touched my daughter in the FACE! Ugh, i wanted to rip her throat out! As a mother i thought she would know better but i guess not. I should've touched her baby as well, hu? lol

Anyways, what i usually do is do a fake smile, they see it's fake and then i walk away, b/c for some reason after touching them they always look at me like they're looking for me to say something. Or i say "can you please not touch my baby? I don't know where your hands have been!"
That'll shock them and i walk away. I betcha they won't do it again!

Leona - posted on 02/01/2010

When I was a new mom, I would keep a light blanket over the stroller. Later, if someone looked like they were going to reach out for my baby, I would roll the stroller or shopping cart, backward out of their reach (they got the idea). By the time I had my third child, when they reached to touch, I would put my hand up as a barrier in front of the baby and smile and say, "Don't touch her." I never said "please", "thank you", or offered an apology but I wasn't rude either. It is my responsibility to keep them safe and I don't owe anyone an explanation or apology for that--also, it will be MY doctor's bill, not theirs, when illness sets in.

Rachel - posted on 02/01/2010

I carry my daughter in a sling because people are more intimidated by that than putting a blanket over her carseat. I think it is because the sling is being carried by a person and is attached to a body whereas a carseat is usually sitting on a stroller or a shopping basket. It is a little TOO personal for the person carrying the sling for someone else to come up and pull on the side to reach in and touch the baby and people usually won't infringe on an adult's personal space like they do a baby's.

Olivia - posted on 02/01/2010

To Deborah Martin: You're reponse brought tears to my eyes.

Olivia - posted on 02/01/2010

Maybe because I live in a small town, where people still have manners, I've always, and I mean ALWAYS been asked by someone before they even would sneak a peek at my baby. One man yesterday asked in he could raise her toque a bit so he could see how much hair she has. My hands were full, so I said okay. Othertimes, I would've taken the hat right off so he could see. As a society, I beleive that we treat others the way we would want to be treated. In my opinion, it's good to be cautious and it just depends on where you live what is socially acceptable and what isn't. P.S. If someone started touching my toddler or school-age child, I think I would be extrememly cautious of that. Babies are a bit different. EVERYONE wants to look at a baby, but that's not too necessary when they are older.

Carrie - posted on 02/01/2010

Well all I do is give em a look and there hands dead spot,They turn away and don't even look.The only exception I make is with elderly ladies because my belief is they deserve to be treated with respect as for everyone else they are strangers and shouldn't even try it.I mean it's not like they have a right after all.Friends,family that's enough for a new born as it is physically and physiologically speaking not fare to babe who is in the bonding stage of life and the only ones a babe needs to have is those who have personal caring for the baby,Its a time when a baby can get sick so easy also,so my advice is they do not need to touch your baby.Also to note well on the subject Children of all ages,If approached by children just say you can look but don't touch and give advanced warning to them if one hand goes for your baby looking time will be over and baby will have to leave,period!

Kate CP - posted on 02/01/2010

Actually, the whole idea of "stranger danger" is rather stupid. Ask any kid under the age of, say 10, what a stranger looks like. The responses you'll get are... "Like a bad guy", "A guy with a cape and a mask on", "A mean person", etc etc. Kids don't KNOW what a stranger is. And if you tell them "It's any body you don't know" then all the stranger has to do is say "My name is..." and tada! They are no longer a stranger! It's like teaching kids to find a cop if they're in trouble. Kids see a uniform with a badge on the shoulder and think "cop". When I was a little kid I used to think the mail man was a cop. This is why I teach my daughter not to talk to grown ups unless Mommy or Daddy is around. I also teach her that if she's ever in trouble and needs help to find another Mommy who has kids with her and ask her for help. My daughter knows that when kids need help they find a Mommy. When grownups need help GROWNUPS find the police.

Krista - posted on 02/01/2010

Um, Suzette -- those two examples that you give are NOT really considered safe environments, so your analogy is false. Any mother with a lick of common sense will teach her kid not to talk to strangers, or even acquaintances, while walking home from school or while otherwise alone/unsupervised. A "safe environment" basically means that the child is in the company of a parent or other trusted adult.



In other words, if I'm out with my baby, and a stranger approaches us and admires him, I'm not going to start shrieking "Stranger danger!" throughout the mall. But when the time comes, I WILL teach my son that if he's not with me, his father, or someone else that I trust, then he's not to talk to strangers, and I will also show him safe places he can go (the post office, the corner store) on his way home from school, so that he can run there if he DOES get approached by someone.

Deborah - posted on 02/01/2010

I agree, manners are always an understood thing, and perhaps I was not only responding to the original post, but to the many many posting after, that said ohh I sooo hate people touching my baby or my belly. I was just trying to share the positives, we all realize the need to protect our chidren from viruses etc. There were lots of solutions discussed including hand sanitizers. But for the most part, the taste in the mouth about people touching your children was one of something that was a bother and irritant. The bottom line, it is your child, your decision as to what you want around them. Encluding people touching them, however I just wanted everyone to stop and think about why people are touching them, and what it means to the child to interact with others that builds the basic foundations of their future such as trust in people etc.Such a fine line for sure.

Suzette - posted on 01/31/2010

For those who think that we should raise our children to believe that "not all strangers are to be feared in a safe environment..." please take these two examples into consideration.



Number one: My niece was raised to treat people with the upmost respect. She was one of those babies that people touched and, they still come up to in the grocery store and say how pretty/beautiful she is even though she's at the age of 11 now. She was approached at school by a stranger, at the fence, and talked to, in a safe environment. Because she's used to people talking to her all the time, strangers at the store, she did tell someone, but the person was gone. What if that person had attempted to take my niece? (From that safe environment.)



Number 2: I am a military wife. There have been instances where, on other posts, (because the posts are open to public such as delivery drivers) children are walking home from school (yet another 'safe environment') and they are approached by vehicles with the story of "lost puppies" or some other BS story. These children are elementary all the way through middle school. And their homes are only a block from the schools. Should we still teach our children it's okay to be so open in a "safe environment"?



It's not okay to be open even in safe environments, regardless of where those environments are. It's been shown that there are pedophiles everywhere, they work in all fields, the people that come up to your child, whether you're there or not, could very well be one. If a parent is concerned, it's their right to be concerned. Whether it's about germs or anything else. If someone is past child bearing years, hopefully they took the opportunity to have children and their children have children. If not, well it's not our duty as parents to fulfill what they missed out on. It might sound harsh, but if I don't know that person I don't want my child as the object of their affections. It's creepy in my opinion. They can oogle over another person's child who's much more comfortable with it than I am.



My child will have plenty of contact with others when it comes to play time with other children and the parents whom I trust. Not when it comes time to go to the store where I have no idea who those people are, where they've been, or what they've done. If that seems to be stepping over some invisible line, or being too cautious, then call me one over protective momma. I can live with that. :)

Kate CP - posted on 01/31/2010

I just slap their hand and walk away. They get the hint. :)

Emily - posted on 01/31/2010

I hate that too... really annoying. Especially during cold/flu season. Some people just don't use their brains.

Donna - posted on 01/31/2010

I think people should ask first. I didn't mind to much with my first born full term and healthy as could be. I mean he is so adorable people just can't resist :-) but I have to say they never just came up and touched him they always started out by talking with me then they may have touched his foot or hand. then before he could put his hand in his mouth out came the wipes. Then baby number 2 came along born at 26 weeks and i turned into a germ freak. I don't let anyone touch him unless they wash there hand with warm water and soap then use hand sanitizer in front of me. Becasue the flu to him could be life or death.

Natasha - posted on 01/31/2010

I totally agree. I keep purel and travel wipes and lysol in my purse.