Why do people think they have to get married if they get pregnant?

Lisa - posted on 08/11/2010

I dont think its a good idea to do that as i did and i really regret it now and am getting divorced,so if i was you i would say forget it cause you may regret it.:)

Alyssa - posted on 08/11/2010

Well I just like how a lot of you gals think I'm jumping into single motherhood. I said I dont see me and the baby's father together forever it doesnt mean it cant happen.

Mikaila - posted on 08/10/2010

Hey Alyssa :)
Not all ppl think so. I got pregnant at the age of 18, I had been dating the daddy for 3 years. we did get married however my pastor said that he did not want to marry us just because we had this child together. Just because we make certain decisions doesn't mean that it is Gods purpose for our life in your case to marry this guy. I wasn't about to marry my husband because anyone wanted me to, and trust me the same shame was involved. I even almost called off the wedding a week in advance. You know whats right for you and your child, and while its ideal to have the father in the home because he will play a big role, its not always for the best :) good luck and don't let anyone make being a mother any more stressful than it already is.

Pamela - posted on 08/10/2010

It is a "hold over" from the "old school" of thought prompted by the "puritanical" Christian attitudes of the past. Unfortunately many an UNHAPPY marriage and UNHAPPY family has resulted from this OLD attitude.
I, for one, vote for living with the soul you wish to marry for a MINIMUM of 12 months. Generally in a year period of time, enough changes have come along for you to at least "get a gist" of what someone is like to live with.
Of course, in that period of time, many discussions should take place about "shared" values/attitudes, etc., ESPECIALLY child rearing.

I find it interesting that a "church member" would "lie" to "save face". As a Christian, that person is breaking a commandment. (Thou shalt not bear false witness......) Oh well, to each his/her own.

Good luck being a single Mom. It is, indeed, a challenge. Been there, done that!

Wendy - posted on 08/10/2010

I agree!

Amanda - posted on 08/10/2010

i never married my son dad and i thank god i didnt. after telling over and over that he wanted me to have his kids i got pregnant and he pretty much disapered. i hear from him maybe once a month for 6 months and it was only when he was drunk. there are many of different was of looking at it, my aunt was the same way as ur grandma she as if i was going to marry him. in my mind why do you need to marry someone just bc there is a baby involed. in my opion there needs to be love and respect in a relationshit. now a days we have sex and it can mean something or it could mean nothing. people that are 60 or older thing marrage as kinda a way out when we get pregnant with someone we dont want to spent the rest of our life together. but im not saying that if you have a baby you shouldn't marry the dad for just that sometimes it works but it should be up to both parents to try and make it work.

Wendy - posted on 08/10/2010

This is such a true statement! I could have not said it better myself.

Marian - posted on 08/10/2010

After reading all the entries I want to add my two cents. Obviously, no one should pass judgment on anyone else. But I can say what I know works for me. My husband and I were married after only a year of knowing each other. We made the commitment to love and stick to each other through everything. It has been the biggest joy in my whole life. I never have to worry about him because we are 100% committed to each other. We plan on growing old together, and I love being married to my best friend. Both of us have had to make huge sacrifices for each other, and it has made us closer. We waited to have sex with anyone until we were married, and it has made it that much sweeter. We now have been married for 5 years and have a 1 year old son. He is a delight, and he loves his daddy so very much. I made the decision to make this plan for my life because I am very religious, and I was taught at church that this is how I can be happy. And it has made me very, very happy.

Latoya - posted on 08/10/2010

Traditionally no one wants there kids to be 'bastards'!! sounds harsh, but true! . Its the right thing to do but now a days have a kid with someone you dont want to marry could be a waste of time! ( Personally i rather be married then have kids) kids are a guaranteed commitment! even if you marry someone or not when you have kids by them your stuck potentially bumping heads for life!)

Heather - posted on 08/10/2010

Here's the thing: Marriage IS all it's cracked up to be. No one said marriage is easy or fun or lovey-dovey all the time. There are times I can't STAND my husband, but I do LOVE him. It's not that it's the 21st Century or that your grandparents are "old-fashioned". As a culture we allow our children(and yes, at 19 you're still a child) and the rest of our society for that matter, to not accept responsibility for their actions. Do I think you should marry this guy just because you're pregnant? NO. But lets not blame your grandparents for not wanting to be a part of your irrisponsibility. They want what's best for you and that baby and having a baby by yourself and that baby having two parents who DON'T love each other is not what's best for anyone. Now, the question is, are you going to be responsible enough andloving enough for two people, since you aren't planning on marriage?

P.S. You really didn't know he took the condom off? Hmm. Guess in this situation I feel like you have just as much responsibility to prevent a pregnancy as he does. Good luck sweetie. And God Bless. You're going to need both.

Lindsay - posted on 08/10/2010

I have to say GOOD FOR YOU! for sticking up for yourself! all the do-gooders who are saying your child is a sin because you had sex and got pregnant out of wedlock are loony toons! I find it hard to believe that every single person who chastised you were all 100% virgins before they got married! my mother married a guy when she was 19, because she got pregnant, they divorced before my big brother was ever born, and it took 25 years before his bio dad would ever really spend time with him! don't get married just because you're pregnant! your child will love you and their father for being present in their life, not for being married!!!

Stifler's - posted on 08/10/2010

What I DON'T get about people is that they can disrespect and disagree with the way their parents raised them and then expect that the grandparents should get over it and respect them and then look after their kids whenever they need a break.

Kappy - posted on 08/10/2010

Your parents were worried people would think they raised a girl who sleeps with people irresponsibly. That's why they wanted you to get married so you wouldn't dishonor them. Does that make sense to you? It is embarrassing to them that A) You slept with someone you were not married to B) Everyone knows it now cuz you're having a baby.

Their feelings are just as important as your feelings. They are just different than yours. You can't just dismiss them as unimportant or stupid because you choose to believe differently than them. Were you not raised as a part of this church of theirs? Is that why it seems silly to you?

I can't say I believe as they do, but neither do I believe that teenage girls ought to be raising kids with no husband, as you seem to think will be no problem. I am not trying to scold you, just want to be blunt.

It is different having a husband than having a boyfriend. It is different to be raising the child together in a home than having the child bounce from place to place as required by custodial arrangements. It is different (and better) for the child if Mommy and Daddy are together in the same house and if they are bound by something more permanent that boyfriend/girlfriend status.

I think all of that is what your parents are mourning that you didn't "get" because you are still so young.

Tasha - posted on 08/10/2010

Of most of the replies I've read so far... you are all wrong. When you have children, you are no longer entitled to be SELFISH and do what ever "makes you happy." You do what will be best for your child.

I'm going to put it to you straight Alyssa: It's not about you anymore. You do what is best for your children and everything beyond that doesn't matter. So whatever your grandmother thinks about the family name is not the point. She is probably concerned for her great grand child. Will the child be provided for? Will the child be accepted in the community it grows up in (yes, there is still stigma attached to being a child in a single parent household in some places)? Maybe you should find out if she is really concerned for the child or if she actually worried about being looked down upon.

In the meantime, you need to really evaluate what is best for your child. If your boyfriend is steady and has a good job, and you want to stay home with your child...your best bet is to look closer at the marriage option. Some couples do it with out being married but they have to both be committed to caring for the child.
People think they have to be married because there is some benefit for the child when there are two parents in the home that are caring for the child. In our society, people are too focused on themselves rather than others, which was clearly reflected in most of the posts I read.

Its about the child and what is best is for the child. Period. You get to decide based on your situation but you should have your child's best interest (not your own) in whatever your decision be.

Cheyne - posted on 08/10/2010

my boyfriend and i live with his family (who is mormon) and his mom is constantly telling me that we need to get married. and we are definately planning on it! but were having some problems right now and dont plan on actually doing it for a while. at least until things are better. but she keeps telling me that if we were to get married the problems would go away.. which i know they wont. we also recently found out that some friends are pregnant and the first thing she said is they need to get married.. i dont understand why people are so against people having kids together and not getting married in a time when that seems to be pretty common. i guess basically what im saying is i understand its annoying to constantly hear that you need to marry the babys father but if its something you dont want to do, then dont do it just cuz people keep saying you need to.

Alita - posted on 08/10/2010

Hi, my husband and I had our first child at 18 and our second at 20....for years both his parent, my parents and my grandparents all asked us when we were going to get married. We decided to wait until it suited us as many of our friends got married and divorced. When we did get married about 7 years later, we did it for us, not for our parents, grandparents or even our children, because it felt right to us to do it. We noticed no benefits to getting married and we still say this is my partner. We have been together for going on 16 years so I would say to do what you feel is the right thing to do for you.

Julie - posted on 08/10/2010

Precious Alyssa;



Grandmothers are VERY wise... in some cultures even the old men of the Village go to the grandmothers for advice on how things should be run -



Your grandmother's heart probably broke at the thought of you taking on a 'task meant for two' - by yourself.



I was widowed at 27 and was handed the task of raising five alone - only with God's help was I as sucessful as I was... but I failed in so many ways ... and would've given ANYTHING to have the kids' father along side me to ease the burden when I was so stressed... AND give advise on certain major decisions that were made.



It takes two to conceive - for a reason.



Thank your Grandmother for her loving concern, and I'm willing to wager there's a lot more behind her trying to persuade you than what she has vocalised ♥♥♥

Linda - posted on 08/10/2010

You are right. I am shocked that as christians they would insist that you marry him and then lie to their friends about it. Lying is a sin too. I know many girls that married the baby daddy and it didn't last. You should marry someone that you have things in common with and that you love if you want it to last.He should help you pay for caring for the child that you "both" made and be a part of the babies life. Good Luck, Linda

Laura - posted on 08/10/2010

Personally, I firmly believe that a couple shouldn't be married if they aren't ready to be. While I'm not going to argue that it is incredibly beneficial for a child to be raised by two loving parents, I think that marriage before a couple is ready can be extremely detrimental to all parties involved.
My boyfriend and I have been together for close to six years and we have a wonderful two year old daughter. Our relationship has not been a smooth one, but we have been able to work through our problems and become a family. Luckily, neither of our families pressured us to get married.
I've seen too many couples who grow to resent each other (and in some cases, thier children) because the got married when an unexpected pregnancy happened. It creates an healthy environment and can have horrible effects on a child's self esteem, not to mention the parents.
Now, just to be clear, I feel that marriage is a beautiful thing. Its meant to join to people who care deeply for each other. If two people are ready to take that step, it can be one of the most wonderful things in a person's life. If you and your partner feel that your ready to take that step, that's great, but if your not, you need to do what you feel comfortable with, not what makes others happy. Remember, they don't have to live with it.

Laura - posted on 08/10/2010

Marriage may not be for everyone, and people shouldn't get married to make a child legitimate if there is no love. However, having said that... I think it benefits the child to have two parents growing up. My parents divorced when I was four and I never had a real relationship with my father. I see how my daughter interacts with my husband and I LOVE it! Even if you choose not to marry the father of your baby, think about how this might affect your child growing up. If the father is a stand-up kind of guy, letting him have a relationship with your child might not be a bad thing.

Tracy - posted on 08/10/2010

Your grandmother is from a different era where the thinking was that you had to be married before having children. If the baby comes before marriage, they'd prefer you to marry. But getting married because you "have to" or because "of the baby", the marriage tends to be bound for disaster. You're 19. You should be able to make your own decisions. Take your time and don't rush into marriage. Certainly don't do it because someone else thinks you should do it for image. Now, what is your grandmother going to tell the church if you marry someone other than the baby's father? Won't the "disgrace" of divorce be greater than you not marrying the baby's father?

Again, it's just the era your grandmother is from. She shouldn't have lied about you getting married. That isn't any more right than you marrying out of convenience or for show.

Bree - posted on 08/10/2010

My husband I and I were together for 10 years before we got married and that was just a choice we made, it doesn't mean it is for everyone.

Yurena - posted on 08/10/2010

You do not dishonour your family by getting pregnant. You dishonour them by being dishonest. For example marrying someone-I imagine for the rest of your life, a good 40 years- because you are told to, against your feelings and good sense. Lying in front of your family and a priest, promising you will love and respect that person for the rest of your life. You dishonour your family by being a lier, a cheat, a bad parent, a bad person, lazy, unconsidered, etc, etc. And US, as parents, as mothers, should understand that we gave them life to live it, we don't own them. We are there to love them. At least I am.

Bernice - posted on 08/10/2010

as a single parent, i can c both sides of the story..our older generation of course believes in marriage, then a family, but do to change in our beliefs, life, upbringing, life does not always go as we wish..whats important now is that baby..u do whats best for baby..if that means marriage, so be it..if that means singlehood, so be it..just understand that u r that child's initial role model, and everything u do will reflect him in some way..u can see singlehood as easy now, but there will be day and nites, when u wish u had that extra person..i wish u well..

Cheryl - posted on 08/10/2010

You have to do what makes sense to you and your little family. I have an aunt who, back in the 70's got pregnant at 19 and let herself be pushed into marrying the guy. He started beating her within a couple of years of having baby #1. Someone told them to have another baby to help bring them together. She was 5 months pregnant when he beat her badly enough to break a rib and puncture a lung.

I was 18 when I got pregnant and my thought was if we ended up married, we would eventually. It was in the plan. College was in the plan. I didn't want the kid to have the weight on him. My parents got married because of me sort of thing. In the end, it was the best choice.

Tiffany - posted on 08/10/2010

i have to agree with you 100% on your post Rebecca Thorne!! i don't see how people think marriage will make people stay together. its just a piece of paper and from what i've seen it changes everything. i watched my mom get married several times and it not work out.. i'm not married and i have 2 children with the same man. we met in iraq and i didn't think our relationship was going to turn into anything we were serious but nothing major but when i got pregnant everything changed. the only thing that bugs me is people don't think i'm my girls mother because i don't share their last name... but i don't agree that you have to be married just because you have kids with someone.. as long as your happy with the decision you make.. and it doesn't take 2 parents to raise children!!! it helps but there doesn't have to be 2.. good luck with your decision allyssa

Lily - posted on 08/10/2010

Yes you're right. It's the 21st Century. So there's less stigma attached to children of single moms, but it doesn't mean they're not worse off. Children born to single moms are less likely to finish high school, less likely to go to college, more likely to end up on government assistance. Girls who grow up without a strong male role model are less confident and more likely to get involved in bad relationships. They are also more likely to become single moms themselves than their friends who grow up in a stable, two parent home. Overall, the children of single mom households are more likely to live in poverty for some portion of their lives than the children of two-parent households. Do some women and their children beat the odds? Yes, definitely. But according to dozens of research articles on the subject, marrying your children's father improves many of their chances in life. All of that said, I commend you for choosing life when the easy thing to do these days is have an abortion and I wish you the best of luck in this decision and in your future with this child.

Karen - posted on 08/10/2010

Because it is best for the child. We have way too overly-romantic ideas of how marriage should be. But it's stinkin hard work. Once you get pregnant it's no longer just about you. If you want to keep the child it is best to have two parents working hard at raising them. You've stuck yourself and the baby in a hard situation so the best thing to do is work hard at it and keep working hard at it. It is a lifelong journey. You only get one mother and one father and they will affect you the rest of your life. So it is best to make it work or put the baby up for adoption if you don't want to work hard at it. There is no perfect marriage but Hollywood would love for you to think that..

Susan - posted on 08/10/2010

You poor love! What an ideal world it would be if people only fell for babies with people they truly loved! As someone who had 3 children with the same man only to split up when our youngest child was 2 and after 18 years of marriage, I would venture to suggest that marriage is not all its cracked up to be. Stick to your guns and become a single Mum if that is what you want - you could have chosen to get rid of the baby, which somehow I don't think your well intentioned Grandma would have approved of either. If you do not love the Father then you should not marry him as it is better for the baby to have 2 seperate Parents who are happy than 2 people living together and creating a war zone. Good luck and love x

Laura - posted on 08/10/2010

Call me old fashioned, although I am only 24 but I still believe in the sanctity of marriage. I married the love of my life when I was 19 and we had a beautiful baby 4 years later. To me this was the ideal situation. There is a reason that older people are embarrassed and ashamed that there children/ grandchildren are pregnant out of wedlock. It is because they had a lot more respect and honor than our current generation and knew how you acted and how you didn't. If you don't want to get pregnant, keep your legs closed!

Deanna - posted on 08/10/2010

You asked why do people think they have to get married if they get pregnant.
Well, very simple answer would be 2 reasons.
One is the fact that there is a whole world of people out there that firmly believe you dishonor your family by getting pregnant and having a baby out of wedlock. Secondly, all children need 2 parents. Typically a woman does the nurturing and the man is more the disciplinarian. A man and a woman need to raise children to show how a true relationship works. I don't fix our cars. My husband does. He doesn't bother with making the meals or doing most of the housework because that is my job. Every family finds a balance and works within that balance. To often today people don't want to really work at relationships so they just give up. Trust me if there is no work involved there is no relationship.
Since you think you have done nothing wrong then just steer clear of your family members that believe you have dishonored them. Other wise just suck it up and understand that there are a lot of us that view every unmarried mother out there as bringing dishonor to the family.

Kathy - posted on 08/10/2010

The older generation still have tradition values. There is nothing wrong with that. I got married because I loved my husband and didn't want to have my last name the same has his when the birth announcement it the paper when our daughter was born. LOL OK, the real reason was the last name thing. Weird I know. It has worked out well. We have had our hard times. We will have our 15 yr anniversary this year. Marriage is a choice. No one should ever influence that choice. When you are ready and found the right person, then take that path. Just remember that marriage is work. It is something that is easy to walk from but well worth fighting for!

EDIE - posted on 08/10/2010

DONT DO IT FOR ANYONE ELSE !!!! MARRY FOR THE RIGHT REASON, NOT ALL THE WRONG ONES...ITS YOUR LIFE.... YOU LIVE IT !!! AND THATS ALL THERE IS TO IT !!!!

Sharon - posted on 08/10/2010

"Wow I dont agree with a lot of you say my son is a sin and I should have aborted him."

Yikes! I've missed all of those posts where people have said to you that your son is a sin (how can a PERSON be a SIN?) and/or that you should have aborted him--but I'm really sorry to learn that anyone has posted such things.

Try not to let it disturb you, though. You posted a request for information: "Why do [some] people believe....?" etc. Perhaps your best bet is to ignore whatever isn't a response to that question.

Incorrigibly,

Sharon

Sheba - posted on 08/10/2010

there can be many opinions on this matter ,. but personally i think that its important for the child to have both the parents around . the child's growth and the warmth of mom and dad is the best we can provide , money alone is not enough , its important but not enough ! the child is an individual in his/her own right . so even if u dont marry the biological father of your child be friends with him and nuture the child together .

Yurena - posted on 08/10/2010

Ew, just read the condom bit, what a gem, good luck. X

Yurena - posted on 08/10/2010

Look, some people cannot see beyond what they were taught, what they think is right and wrong. You did well. My mum says should should only marry somebody you love, and my dad says that marriage is a bit stupid. They have been married for over 40 years, they are in their sixties. I got married because I loved my husband AND WANTED TO GET MARRIED TO HIM, as he did with me. Whatever other people think, well, that's only for them to worry about, not you.

Sarah - posted on 08/10/2010

my aunt told my sister the baby couldnt be loved if they werent married. we said that was a load of crap. her son has all the love in the world from his parents and family even though they split up when he was 2. my boyfriend and i havnt encounter any questions about marriage yet. we do plan to one day but we had only really been dating for a few months before i got pregnant so we just want to wait. its all up to what fits you your boyfriend and your child(ren). you could be together for 40+ years and never get married. its all up to you! thats the glory of todays society, minus the few comments youll get here or there, its YOUR choice, not anyone else's.

Jeanne - posted on 08/10/2010

Hi Alyssa,
I completely understand your point of view as both my kids were born when I was single. Some people believe and live their lives by the edicts of the church they belong to. They probably wanted to see you married because of the stigma attached to unwed mothers when they were growing up. My mother in law got married to a man she did not love because she was pregnant (this was in the fifties) and they stayed together because of the kids because she feared her parents and the churches reaction. Her older sister also got pregnant out of wedlock and refused to marry the father of her child....this got her thrown out of the house and she wound up having her baby in a hostel for unwed mothers. A lot of peoples opinions have softened since then but it is hard to give up on the idea you grew up on. As antiquated as your grandmother's ideas seem to you she was probably thought that somehow the ceremony and the marriage license would make things "real" and permanent. I don't agree with her lying to her fellow parishoners but that is on her - not you. She is doing it to make herself feel better.

Jill - posted on 08/10/2010

I am the mother of six children. They are now grown and raising their own family. It is the 21st century but the needs of a child are still the same. A healthy home with a mother and a father are needed to provide for the child the stability they need to have a productive life. I know there are many single mothers out there raising wonderful children for one reason or another. I am not criticizing them in the least. I think they are courageous and in many instances it was not their choice to be alone. However, if you asked each one of them to look deep inside about her feelings, you would find many, if not all, would love to have a father along side them in the raising of their children. If you were responsible enough to get pregnant, you need to buck up and do the responsible thing for the child. It is now about them and their future and unfortunately not about you.

Alyssa - posted on 08/10/2010

Wow I dont agree with a lot of you say my son is a sin and I should have aborted him. Another one is that the father supports me and I live off the state. Yeah he works and I stay at home. We live in the same house and sleep in the same bed. I dont not receive food stamps or WIC I do take the insurance for my son but that is it. We do good to pay all the bill and have gas. I'm not going to deny my son going to the doctor. A lot of you are flat out crazy in my views. "I'm lucky to have my grand parents" that lie on me and my family? Really? I'm not going to get married until I feel I am ready. I was simply asking why people feel they have to.

Michelle - posted on 08/10/2010

Sex = commitment. Every time you have sex you run the risk of getting pregnant, whether it be 100% risk or 5%, the risk is still there. If you get pregnant you are then committed to that person for the rest of your life with or without marriage. The idea that one should be married before having children (or at least in a long term committed relationship with someone you want to be with forever) makes complete sense because you NEED to grow together as a couple BEFORE having children. You need to be strong together and work as a team, but it takes time to get to that point and it is unfair to bring a child into the world without that stability. I do however think it is silly to push marriage on people who are strong and stable as a single parent or as an unmarried couple. It is also ridiculous to pressure your family for the sake of their church, however in your case your Grandmother was probably trying to get you to do what she felt was the responsible thing to make up for the lack of responsibility it took to get pregnant in the first place, it's just what the older generations think, but when ya think about it, I'm sure the divorce rate 50 years ago was not nearly as high as it is now.

Meghan - posted on 08/10/2010

@Maria A. who wrote, "...you need to realize that it is just "the older generation" that believes you SHOULD get married..."



This is NOT true. I am 28 and definitely believe marriage should come before children. I do not believe in marrying to appease family members. However, if a man (or a woman) cannot commit to his/her family by way of legal and spiritual recognition, what CAN he/she commit to? How does that set a good example for the kids he/she has just had? All it says is that the product of selfishness (unplanned pregnancy out of wedlock) may or may not be worth sticking around for, "I'll just wait and see how "happy" it makes me and decide then." I am glad this couple is still together, but the step of marriage solidifies a family and gives each member of the family incentive to work through things instead of walking away when life throws you a curve ball.



It all comes back down to this: love is a CHOICE, not a feeling. If we consistently choose to love and serve our partners and family members, no matter their flaws, every day, the bond will keep you strong enough to endure anything. And that's why marriage is a COMMITMENT.

EDELYNE - posted on 08/10/2010

This is a very interesting topic, because my definition of commitment is different from most people. Just because you go through a ceremony does not mean you are committed. commitment is what two people make to each other. No piece of paper can hold you to that. I've been with my spouse for 13 years and we have 4 kids together and although we did not "get married", we are very committed to each other and our family. You define your own relationship Alyssa, don't let others do it for you.

Pamela - posted on 08/10/2010

It might be important to the baby to know the father-and the father might be more inclined to participate in her life and being raised-but there are no guarnatees-not even if you marry-explain that you are not refusing to marry because of the embarassment on them but to the future benefit of your child and yourself and him not to feel obligated when you are not ready. No one should be forced or coersed into such a decision.l They should stand behind you whatever may come-remind them of Mary magdalene...

NOEMI - posted on 08/10/2010

Alyssa, the bible was written then but the laws still apply now. A lot of people think that having sex before getting married is the thing of the "now". But it's not. God wants us to wait until marriage to have sex with our only true partner. I have to admit that I had sex before I was married but I eventually married the guy. I dated my husband for 3 years before we got married. I told him, either you marry me or we done. I did not want to have a child without being married.
Having a child out of wedlock is a sin... I know you love your child. If you would have never imagined your self with your baby's father, then why have sex with him. It is for the best interest of your child that a mother and a father marry. If you want for God to forgive your sin, then marriage is the only way.
I don't mean to sound strong, but I go to church. And a lot of people change the doctrine for their own benefit........ but the doctrine is still the same as in the time of Adam.

Amanda - posted on 08/10/2010

I got pregnant at 19 also, we were already engaged and working to save for a big wedding that we wanted like a year or two down the road...but we found out I was pregnant and decided between us and nobody else that we wanted to get married so that all the money we got after and all our time would be on our child, it is something we wanted to do, we didn't want a new child and still trying to save to get married since I have decided to be a stay at home mom (my son is now three and I am having my second one in oct.) but I got it from both sides, we had some of his family memebers upset that we were getting married because they wanted us to just have the baby and make sure the baby was in my husbands name when it was born, I think they were thinking that it would be easier for my husband to take the child if the child had his name but that is weird since we were not having any problems and then I had older women who were realated and women who just knew my family saying that we should get married and because we did a lot of ppl though we got married just because we were pregnant...even though I told everone it was what I wanted to do and what he wanted and that it was nothing to do with me being pregnant at such a young age...anyway, I just ignored everybody and eventually they just all stoped with their two cents in our life. good luck with everything.

Lindsay - posted on 08/10/2010

i guess it is because of tradition and religion. I think it's bullshit, and i really could have done without ever getting married, i don't think you need a piece of paper to declare you love somebody. My husband and I got married because he wanted to, I really could have done without. especially when having a baby, who wants to spend thousands of dollars on something that is not necessary, and not about the baby!?

Marlana - posted on 08/10/2010

Don't feel pressure. Alot of people get married before having kids, but that doesn't mean they didn't have sex. It can happen to anybody and if you do not see yourself with this person for life PLEASE do not marry. Marry for love and knowing that you want to be with that person for the rest of your life.

Evelyn - posted on 08/10/2010

it's all jst for image. i wouldnt even worry bout it, i got pregnant at 19 too and yes everyone wanted me to get married but i was jst dating the guy and like every other young person i was going to school and had future dreams that he just didnt fit in. i didnt love him. today i'm married to the man i love, if i had made the mistake of listening to everyone else, i can only imagine how miserable i would be. people worry too much bout wat others think and forget about the meaning of true happiness. i dont understand it iether but since i've had my first baby boy i made the choice to think of his life and his joy. What good is it to the kids if the parents are unhappy? You should go ahead and follow your heart.