Why do some moms who breastfeed look down on other moms who make the decision to bottle feed?

Hope - posted on 05/28/2009 ( 298 moms have responded )

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Ok when I had my daughter I did first make the decision to breastfeed before she even came out into the world..well when I did try to breastfeed her she seemed to have gotten upset and wasn't latching onto the breast and I was scared there wasn't enough for her I had a breast reduction and I worried that might have affected the milk from coming in cause I did have little complication after my breast surgery, We did the thing where they taped a tube to my breast I tried pumping in the hospital and pumped for a good while nothing much came out, So I made the decision to try formula and she latched right onto the bottle more than the breast. But I felt like I was forced to breastfeed and when I said it wasn't going to work for her cause I felt it from my baby it wasn't working for her, I thought maybe I was nervous in the hospital with a whole bunch of people helping me at once with the breastfeeding and Olivia was screaming so I tried in the comfort of my home still no go with the breastfeeding. But I can feel that feeling of being looked down on for have chosen to bottle feed. So just wondering why is there some women who think their mother of the year cause they make milk?

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Emily - posted on 05/28/2009

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I like to call women like that boob nazi's. You know, the ones that act like you might as well be feeding your kid liquefied AIDS if you formula feed. There was even one woman on this site a few weeks ago who compared formula feeding to giving your child second hand smoke. Can you believe that? They're ignorant bitches who are lucky that breastfeeding worked out for them, and they like to make you feel like a horrible mother because it didnt work for you. I was bottle feeding my son at a park once when a lady came up to me and said "its a shame you're not breastfeeding him!" And I said "you're right, i should probably just starve him, he'd better off!" She walked away in a huff. Just know that formula is FINE for your child, its good for him, and you're doing the best you can. And dont let those superior jerks get the best of you.

Jaime - posted on 05/29/2009

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Quoting Zoe:



Quoting Jaime:




Quoting Zoe:





Quoting Cathralynn:






Quoting Emily:







Quoting Zoe:

Again, I respectfully request that people cease using the word "Nazi" in this context. It's inappropriate and offensive. If this were a discussion about the Holocaust, that would be one thing, but that's not what is being discussed here.

I realize that some use it to mean something akin to "control freak" or someone who is very passionate about something, but that is an inappropriate use of the word. Even as far back as 1997, the Anti-Defamation League made this statement:


Mr. Foxman said the new definition of Nazi "as some kind of control freak" is offensive on several levels. "The definition trivializes and denies the murderous intent and actions of the Nazi regime...it also cheapens the language by allowing people to reach for a quick word fix..." The ADL leader said the new definition "lend[s] a helping hand to those whose aim is to prove that the Nazis were really not such terrible people. If someone can be a 'soup Nazi' or a 'traffic Nazi,' how bad could the real Nazis have been?"
http://www.adl.org/presrele/holna_52/288...


Given that this is the second time I'm making this request, I will assume that any further use of the word will be intentionally meant to offend.














Hunny, get a grip or get off the internet. If you're going to get offended over something so pretentious, then you seriously must be new to -the internets-.














 














waaahh they are using the word nazi! i'm soo personally offended!


















Hey that is not nice and innappropriate for this forum.  You do not know people's personal situations (I do not either) for why they might be offended, but that sounded like a perfectly reasonable request to me. Just because this is a public forum does not mean you get to disrespect anyone.















Comparing staunch breastfeeding advocates with Nazis is something I find extremely troublesome and I find her response extremely upsetting. My great grandparents are Holocaust survivors and many members of my synagogue are Holocaust survivors who lost their entire familes at the hands of Nazis. 










When someone says that something offends them, the customary response is to apologize, not to taunt them. 













I think we all need to lighten up a bit on this one.  Although the word Nazi often elicits a negative response and encompasses negativity, I don't believe that anyone was intending its use for the purpose of offending anyone.  The term "breast-feeding Nazis" is actually a bit laughable, because you are right, comparing advocates for breast feeding with Hitler's henchmen makes no sense...but I believe that is because, despite any true definition of the word Nazi is overshadowed by the societally popularized slang definition---which is esentiall "control freak".  I also believe that there is such a thing as being 'too politically correct'...don't tell me that you refuse to laugh at Jewish comedians that make fun of themselves for "being cheap"...That is not to say that I feel this way at all, its just a well known stigma surrounding Jewish people.  Try not to take personal offence to the comments, because, like it or not we all have freedom of speech.









I don't refuse to laugh, I just don't find it funny. The point is that no person has a right to tell another person what he or she finds offensive. 






FWIW, I'm also black and do not find what many "stereotypical" black comedians say amusing either. So don't go there with me and don't assume that all people are the same and that you have the right to call me whatever you want to call me and stand behind the "political correctness has gone too far" banner. That is NOT free speech. If you choose not to respect another human being, then fine, call it what it is and say that you freely choose not to respect another human being, but don't rationalize and make excuses. 






For example, if someone steps on your toe and you say, "ouch, that hurts" and instead of apologizing they say, "I didn't step on your toe that hard, that can't hurt!" How much sense does that make? I mean, it's YOUR toe, after all. But, hey, they think they know how hard they stepped down and they believe that you're over reacting and being dramatic so they rationalize that they do not owe you an apology so you should just get over it. 






Just because something is popular doesn't mean it's right. Many people jump on bandwagons without questioning whether or not they are doing the right thing. That's how the Holocaust and many other tragedies in human history came about in the first place -- not questioning whether or not something is right or wrong and assuming that because "it's popular" or that because someone else is doing it, that it's the right thing to do. 






For the record, I think for myself and eschew political correctness. But if you think it's okay to continue to attack me because I do not like the use of hateful words -- and because I believe that words have power -- then carry on. 






"The point is that no person has a right to tell another person what he or she finds offensive"...



Dear Zoe:



Nowhere in my post did I tell you what you should and should not find offensive, I merely made a comment based on the previous posts about your sensitivity to the word 'Nazi'.  The tone of my comment suggests that you need to lighten up about it because this is not a personal attack on you, and you have single-handedly chosen to make the use of the term "boob nazi" a personal afront you because of your heritage.  For one, you are not a holocaust survivor--your ancestors were--so although you have learned about it in school and from your family, this does not mean that you have any understanding as to the extent of their suffering...so I think you need to stop using this as your excuse for being offended by the use of the word 'Nazi'.  I agree that just because a word is popular does not make it appropriate...but who decides what is and is not appropriate.  You use the terms 'right' and 'wrong' an awful lot, without considering that society determines what is 'right' and 'wrong' based on POPULAR ideals....imagine that! 



 



As well, if someone stepped on my toe, I would not automatically assume it was done with ill intent.  Furthermore, I would not base my response to pain on what another person believes to be an acceptable level of pain in order for me to complain about it.  If someone stepped on my toe on purpose to cause me pain, I still wouldn't retaliate as I don't believe in giving them the satisfaction of thinking that they have any affect on me--This is what I mean about 'too much' political correctness.  You are your own person and you cannot control what others think and believe, and free speech is a primary facet of being a member of the Western world.



 



If you choose to refrain from the use of words, phrases or practices that you feel are personally offensive then that is your choice--but it really makes no sense whatsoever to set guidelines on an open, public forum as to what can and cannot be said as these rules are based on impossible standards of acceptibility considering the differing viewpoints of people and their right as members of society to voice their opinions--no matter what they might be.  If you have a problem with the terminology being used in this forum, then you might consider not being a part of it...telling me that you are a member of two minorities does not give me any sympathy for your situation because you appear to be a strong-willed individual that is quite capable of carrying out a debate about ethics; however, you seem a bit misguided in your attempt to make your point because if it is no one's right to tell another person what they do or do not find offensive, then why are you trying to convince this forum that the words you are taking personally are offensive and asking them to refrain from using them?  Should that not be their choice?...according to you anyway...

Nicole - posted on 06/02/2009

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If someone can't nurse that is fine by me. But to formula feed for vanity or "convenience" sake makes me ill. When I read the label of a formula can that made my decision for me, years before I ever considered having a baby. I am definitely a lactivist. Sleep is no excuse for formula either- co-sleeping with your baby gets you around that quagmire. I think there needs to be a better support network that starts during pregnancy that would make it easier for mothers to do the right thing. Bombarding women in the hospital minutes post-partum is not the way to go. Question to formula mothers, are bothered by the fact that even the formula can says Breast is best? so right out of the gate, you give the baby something that isn't absolutely the best, knowingly? (remembe, this for for those who even though they can nurse, don't)

[deleted account]

Quoting Emily:

pssst.....nazi.


I am reporting this thread and this poster for her anti-Semitic comments. This is completely uncalled for and obviously directed at me personally. I am making a copy of these pages as this has to be a TOS violation as well. 

?? - posted on 05/29/2009

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I breast fed for the first 3 months of my sons life and he grew, and grew, and grew and by 16 weeks had doubled his birth weight and was gaining every day, and wanting to nurse every 30-45 minutes, he just could not get enough and I could not produce enough so I started him on formula. For 2 weeks he nursed and bottle fed, and the formula filled him up so that he was feeding every 2 hours. He is now almost 7 months old, 25lbs, starting to crawl and the happiest lil dude I know. And healthy as a horse.



A couple of comments about other moms posts. Personally I would say that the moms who think that women are making "excuses" as to not breast feed, Tammy mentioned; "What is convenient for me?" or "What is comfortable?" or "What fits into my work schedule?" or "What will cause me to have the best boob firmness in the future?" or even "What makes my child shut up the fastest at this particular moment?" and Tamara said their breasts might look like or that its "gross"... if women are thinking about those things - I would guess that bottle feeding is what is best for their child.



Regardless of what the experts say, regardless of what "every single baby book, every doctor, every nurse, every scientist, every expert of any kind and any mother who has ever successfully done it will tell you... nothing is 100% BEST for your child if there is even 1% of that baby's need and want and that moms ability or decision says otherwise.



Nothing is 100% best unless every single factor is 100% there. Baby not latching on means it's not 100% best. Moms milk doesn't come in means it's not 100% best. Baby not getting enough means it's not 100% best. Mom becoming exhausted from feeding literally non-stop means it's not 100% best. And even if mom is worried about her breasts being saggy that means it's not 100% best.



Of course the milk is made specifically for baby. But it's also made from mom, and what you eat, baby eats. So if mom is (for example) in a low income dynamic - and she has to eat mac and cheese, PB&J sandwiches, fruit and drink milk... her energy level is going to be low, her milk isn't going to get everything it needs to feed baby properly and she might consider using formula, cause that would be what is 100% best for baby.



Some moms have different life styles than other moms. Career moms, who have a baby but still want to work. Or perhaps even HAVE to work. Depending on her career, it might be 100% what's best for baby to formula feed instead of her pumping. Moms who like to go out and have a couple drinks every weekend while babe stays with grandma because they are a single mom supporting baby all by herself and she needs that break - and the alcohol is not good for baby's breast milk - formula feeding is 100% best for baby.



There are so many different circumstances and ideas and life styles and even priorities in life to different moms... it sure doesn't make them a bad mom. And it sure doesn't warrant anyone's nasty looks or comments.

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i know what u mean, i tried with my son who is now 2 months old to breastfeed, and he wouldnt latch on properly, so he was finger fed thru a tube for the first week of his life. however, i was able to express breast milk, but i was getting so tired and lacking energy to keep up with him, so now he is on formula. And being on formula and bottlefed, i 2 get that feeling of being looked down on. In the hospital i felt there was alot of pressure to breast feed and that was it, there was know information about what to do if you couldnt breastfeed.

Aysha - posted on 07/02/2009

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Quoting Jaime:



Quoting Jennifer:

I am sorry people make you feel that way. I feel judged because I do breastfeed. People seem weird about it. I remember a woman saying that if she had a boy it would be too strange to breastfeed. That is what they are for. Your situation is different. People like to comment on what isn't their business. Annoying, but a fact. You did what is right for your baby and that is all one can do. If you tried and it didn't work, at least you tried. I had a lot of support and no medical problem to interfere with it.






If breast feeding is what breasts are for, then why can't men breast feed too?  Men don't have milk ducts attached, but they certainly have nipples...did evolution get to a point and just stop?  Perhaps in 1000 years, men will be born with this ability...who really knows?  My point is that the expectations of our bodies, based on "norms" created by elitist standards, leads to judgment when there is opposition to 'rules' that have been decided as to what is the best and what is the worst.  Perhaps it is weird for some people to fathom the idea of a child sucking on their nipples and so they choose to formula feed without another thought on the matter...what is the problem with this exactly?





 I do believe I saw a show that showed that there are men that breastfeed for the muther that cant or even if she can, he helps out. ummm can't pinpoint out which show, but it could have been on TLC channel, it was back when I was prego.



 But I got three weeks almost a month, so I am happy, with wat I got. Either way as well I agree, its wat your giving that counts the most Muthers.... Remember that. Does baby really care as Jaime has pointed out?



THanks.

Aysha - posted on 07/02/2009

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Quoting Jaime:



Quoting Jennifer:

I am sorry people make you feel that way. I feel judged because I do breastfeed. People seem weird about it. I remember a woman saying that if she had a boy it would be too strange to breastfeed. That is what they are for. Your situation is different. People like to comment on what isn't their business. Annoying, but a fact. You did what is right for your baby and that is all one can do. If you tried and it didn't work, at least you tried. I had a lot of support and no medical problem to interfere with it.






If breast feeding is what breasts are for, then why can't men breast feed too?  Men don't have milk ducts attached, but they certainly have nipples...did evolution get to a point and just stop?  Perhaps in 1000 years, men will be born with this ability...who really knows?  My point is that the expectations of our bodies, based on "norms" created by elitist standards, leads to judgment when there is opposition to 'rules' that have been decided as to what is the best and what is the worst.  Perhaps it is weird for some people to fathom the idea of a child sucking on their nipples and so they choose to formula feed without another thought on the matter...what is the problem with this exactly?





 I do believe I saw a show that showed that there are men that breastfeed for the muther that cant or even if she can, he helps out. ummm can't pinpoint out which show, but it could have been on TLC channel, it was back when I was prego.



 But I got three weeks almost a month, so I am happy, with wat I got. Either way as well I agree, its wat your giving that counts the most Muthers.... Remember that. Does baby really care as Jaime has pointed out?



THanks.

Amber - posted on 06/07/2009

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Quoting Tammy:

This is my third try to post this. Something about my stupid touchpad makes my whole post suddenly disappear. This usually happens after I've written about 8000 words. ha

I am a card carrying BOOB NAZI myself. (that's so cute, btw) I do have two rules about my boob nazi-ness, though.
1. I never feel judgment toward someone for bottle feeding if I do not know them. As you are an example, there are some situations in which breastfeeding just IS NOT going to happen. Also, people adopt kids and have to bottle feed them. In those cases, you do what you have to do and ignore anyone who looks down on you. I respect that you realized what was best and did your best to do it. That's all we can ever do as moms!

2. I, in general, keep my trap shut unless asked or unless it is a topic of conversation that warrants my input. I do not go around criticizing people for not breastfeeding. But as far as what I THINK (which probably shows at times on my face or in my attitude), that's something else. If I know that it was a choice that they made themselves, either by not trying or by doing the lame, "I tried (two times) and it hurt so I quit!" thing, then I have to say that I have very little respect for that decision and it does reflect on my opinion of that person as a mother. As an aside, if as many women who say, "I couldn't nurse." really couldn't, our race would have died out thousands of years ago so clearly, most women CAN nurse if they take it seriously.

Since you asked, here's a little insight into the Boob Nazi Mentality. You, Hope, may have the mentality even though the nursing thing didn't actually work out for you. I know quite of few of our kind and you will find there is a common thread in our thinking. We always ask the question, "What is the absolute, 100% BEST thing I could do for my child?" when it comes to health and nutrition, at the very least. Not, "What is convenient for me?" or "What is comfortable?" or "What fits into my work schedule?" or "What will cause me to have the best boob firmness in the future?" or even "What makes my child shut up the fastest at this particular moment?" (though frankly after the first couple of weeks, I find that breastfeeding does a superior job for that last one.) We can't always DO the very best thing but that is always the goal. My child is a child. He doesn't know squat. I have to make them do a lot of things that they find difficult and that makes them really frustrated and upset. Likewise, I have to do MANY things as a mother that are inconvenient and even painful at times. The first of those things being breastfeeding. It's not easy. It's not, in many ways, convenient (though it is in other ways). It sometimes hurts A LOT. At first it's frustrating and a lot of tears are cried on both sides. On the other hand, every single baby book, every doctor, every nurse, every scientist, every expert of any kind and any mother who has ever successfully done it will tell you, breastfeeding is the best possible thing you can do for your infant. There really is no valid argument. Therefore if you don't do it, you are FACTUALLY not doing what is best for your child. It's not someone's snotty opinion. It's a well documented, proven fact. Plus you are cheating yourself and your baby out of one of, if not THE most amazing thing you'll ever do besides giving birth itself. If you CANNOT do it then you do the next best thing. That's life. We can't always do the perfect thing. If you can, though, then you should. If a woman chooses not to, that's her choice. It's not evil. It's not the end of the world but it is an obvious and factual choice to do something LESS THAN BEST for her child. If that is her choice then it's not anyone's place to be mean to her, but if she going to make that choice she needs to understand that it will not be respected by people who ARE trying to do what is best. The same way I feel when I see a woman smoking while pregnant or when I see a big fat little kid or a child out playing in the snow with no coat on- that's how I feel about women who have no valid medical reason yet still don't nurse. No, it won't kill them but as a mother, we can do a lot better.

Sorry so long. I hope this helps someone.


The fact remains that no one ever appointed you to concern yourself with other people! What on earth makes you think it is acceptable to pass that kind of judgement. While you may have acknowledged that in this woman's case breastfeeding was not an option, how tactless of you to follow with the remainder of your statement, "Therefore if you don't do it you are factually not doing what's best for your child" Outrageous! You're right you are a boob nazi! Feed your kid and do not worry about what others do! Why the hell should you care anyway, I'm sure you gain some sort of satisfaction from behaving so superior, but see through your BS! Tell yourself what ever you may like, but this boob nazi cover seems like and excuse to act like a snotty bi%^h!


 





 

Amber - posted on 06/07/2009

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I wish there were an easy answer to that question! I had similar issues myself, when my daughter was born the colostrum ran out within a day, the next day there was no colostrum and no milk and she was screaming quite obviously due to hunger. There was some crazy lactation nurse in my hospital room suggesting that I just wait a few days, then my milk would come in, she said supplementing could cause nipple confusion. So she was actually suggesting that I not feed my baby for a few days! I kicked her out of my room and asked my nurse to bring me a bottle. I continued pumping and milk milk did not show up for more than a week! By then my daughter didn't want to latch on, so she was a bottle baby. Truth be told I was never that excited about the idea in the first place. There is no reason for the breast feeding mothers to be that way! It's not for everyone and it's really no one else's business how you choose to feed your baby! I got a few of those high and mighty women saying passive aggressive things about it to me, I just didn't pay them any mind. Obviously they lack true happiness in their lives, b/c if they had it they wouldn't feel the need to manufacture reasons to behave as though they are superior to others!

Jaime - posted on 06/07/2009

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Quoting Becki:

I tried to breastfeed my son; however, at 5 days old, he ended up in the hospital dehydrated, underweight and with jaundice. The pediatrician blamed me for not supplementing with formula. I'm an intelligent & logical human being, and when my baby is eating off of both breasts and falling asleep, I thought he was satisfied. Not to mention, losing 7 ounces more than he should have was not something I could tell when holding him. The doctor said he had to have formula to help with the jaundice. His bilyrubin count was very bad, and he said breast milk would not make him better...not that I was producing enough milk anyway. I was trying to pump the entire time he was in the hospital. I was lucky to get 1/2-1 ounce TOTAL out of both breasts after an hour of pumping. So, I had to feed him formula or he was going to starve to death. For those that would say, "Well, you didn't try long enough," I continued pumping for a month afterward, and the production never increased. I took a breastfeeding class, had 2 lactation consultants and used the hospital pump in the effort to increase my milk flow, but it actually declined. Tho, if it did work, I was going to stop when I returned to work because that was MY decision. People that complain about a woman's decision to not breast feed, to do it for 1 month or 2 years need to keep their thoughts to themselves. Everyone wants to tell people how to raise their children, and it's none of their business. My son is incredibly healthy, in the 95%ile for his growth, and is an amazing problem solver. I was never breast fed, and my IQ has tested at over 140, and the same goes for my brother. My husband and his sister were both breastfed. Hubby and school did not get along well at all, and his sister was in special education classes.

I have a friend that refused to BF because she "wanted her body back." I had never been pregnant and just chuckled at the remark and told her I felt the same way! After being pregnant, and miserable ever step of the way, I completely understood and respected her decision. And my goddaughter is a bright & healthy 2 year old.

As others have said, nothing is 100%. Pick up any parenting book, and I promise you will find a book that is its polar opposite. Anything you choose (or have no choice in) to do for your child, is your decision...as long as you are not causing your child harm, you should be confident in what you chose to do.

If you were feeding your child a chicken breast and someone came up and said, "Shame on you! You should raise vegans!" Would you be as worried and offended? I know I wouldn't. I would chuckle at their audacity and walk away. We allow others to make us feel bad. So, don't allow it. Don't empower folks. If you breastfeed, fabulous! If you formula feed, fabulous! But be confident in your decision.

On that note, I'm a bottle feeding, (medically necessary) scheduled c-section having mom that thinks they should keep score during children's sports and bring competition back to our youth. Who wants a society of non-competitive leaders one day? :)


Awesome post!  I enjoyed reading your comment and have shared a similar experience myself with regard to breast feeding.  I too had extreme difficulty producing milk for my Son and pumping did not make any difference...after half an hour of pumping on one side and producing only half an ounce or less was just not worth it because the majority of my Son's meal would consist of formula anyway and it just made so much more sense to discontinue with the struggle to nurse and opt for a much more relaxed method that my Son would enjoy and benefit from. 

Jaime - posted on 06/07/2009

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Quoting Becki:

I tried to breastfeed my son; however, at 5 days old, he ended up in the hospital dehydrated, underweight and with jaundice. The pediatrician blamed me for not supplementing with formula. I'm an intelligent & logical human being, and when my baby is eating off of both breasts and falling asleep, I thought he was satisfied. Not to mention, losing 7 ounces more than he should have was not something I could tell when holding him. The doctor said he had to have formula to help with the jaundice. His bilyrubin count was very bad, and he said breast milk would not make him better...not that I was producing enough milk anyway. I was trying to pump the entire time he was in the hospital. I was lucky to get 1/2-1 ounce TOTAL out of both breasts after an hour of pumping. So, I had to feed him formula or he was going to starve to death. For those that would say, "Well, you didn't try long enough," I continued pumping for a month afterward, and the production never increased. I took a breastfeeding class, had 2 lactation consultants and used the hospital pump in the effort to increase my milk flow, but it actually declined. Tho, if it did work, I was going to stop when I returned to work because that was MY decision. People that complain about a woman's decision to not breast feed, to do it for 1 month or 2 years need to keep their thoughts to themselves. Everyone wants to tell people how to raise their children, and it's none of their business. My son is incredibly healthy, in the 95%ile for his growth, and is an amazing problem solver. I was never breast fed, and my IQ has tested at over 140, and the same goes for my brother. My husband and his sister were both breastfed. Hubby and school did not get along well at all, and his sister was in special education classes.

I have a friend that refused to BF because she "wanted her body back." I had never been pregnant and just chuckled at the remark and told her I felt the same way! After being pregnant, and miserable ever step of the way, I completely understood and respected her decision. And my goddaughter is a bright & healthy 2 year old.

As others have said, nothing is 100%. Pick up any parenting book, and I promise you will find a book that is its polar opposite. Anything you choose (or have no choice in) to do for your child, is your decision...as long as you are not causing your child harm, you should be confident in what you chose to do.

If you were feeding your child a chicken breast and someone came up and said, "Shame on you! You should raise vegans!" Would you be as worried and offended? I know I wouldn't. I would chuckle at their audacity and walk away. We allow others to make us feel bad. So, don't allow it. Don't empower folks. If you breastfeed, fabulous! If you formula feed, fabulous! But be confident in your decision.

On that note, I'm a bottle feeding, (medically necessary) scheduled c-section having mom that thinks they should keep score during children's sports and bring competition back to our youth. Who wants a society of non-competitive leaders one day? :)


Awesome post!  I enjoyed reading your comment and have shared a similar experience myself with regard to breast feeding.  I too had extreme difficulty producing milk for my Son and pumping did not make any difference...after half an hour of pumping on one side and producing only half an ounce or less was just not worth it because the majority of my Son's meal would consist of formula anyway and it just made so much more sense to discontinue with the struggle to nurse and opt for a much more relaxed method that my Son would enjoy and benefit from. 

User - posted on 06/07/2009

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It's because society, parents,doctors and nurses place such an emphasis on breastfeeding. It's hard enough being a mum without people judging you, yes breast milk has greater benefits than formula but formula obviously has good nutrients too otherwise u wouldn't be able to give it to ur baby. At the end of the day it's ur child, you choose how and what u feed them, don't ever let other people make u feel bad for your decisions.

User - posted on 06/07/2009

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It's because society, parents,doctors and nurses place such an emphasis on breastfeeding. It's hard enough being a mum without people judging you, yes breast milk has greater benefits than formula but formula obviously has good nutrients too otherwise u wouldn't be able to give it to ur baby. At the end of the day it's ur child, you choose how and what u feed them, don't ever let other people make u feel bad for your decisions.

Becki - posted on 06/06/2009

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I tried to breastfeed my son; however, at 5 days old, he ended up in the hospital dehydrated, underweight and with jaundice. The pediatrician blamed me for not supplementing with formula. I'm an intelligent & logical human being, and when my baby is eating off of both breasts and falling asleep, I thought he was satisfied. Not to mention, losing 7 ounces more than he should have was not something I could tell when holding him. The doctor said he had to have formula to help with the jaundice. His bilyrubin count was very bad, and he said breast milk would not make him better...not that I was producing enough milk anyway. I was trying to pump the entire time he was in the hospital. I was lucky to get 1/2-1 ounce TOTAL out of both breasts after an hour of pumping. So, I had to feed him formula or he was going to starve to death. For those that would say, "Well, you didn't try long enough," I continued pumping for a month afterward, and the production never increased. I took a breastfeeding class, had 2 lactation consultants and used the hospital pump in the effort to increase my milk flow, but it actually declined. Tho, if it did work, I was going to stop when I returned to work because that was MY decision. People that complain about a woman's decision to not breast feed, to do it for 1 month or 2 years need to keep their thoughts to themselves. Everyone wants to tell people how to raise their children, and it's none of their business. My son is incredibly healthy, in the 95%ile for his growth, and is an amazing problem solver. I was never breast fed, and my IQ has tested at over 140, and the same goes for my brother. My husband and his sister were both breastfed. Hubby and school did not get along well at all, and his sister was in special education classes.



I have a friend that refused to BF because she "wanted her body back." I had never been pregnant and just chuckled at the remark and told her I felt the same way! After being pregnant, and miserable ever step of the way, I completely understood and respected her decision. And my goddaughter is a bright & healthy 2 year old.



As others have said, nothing is 100%. Pick up any parenting book, and I promise you will find a book that is its polar opposite. Anything you choose (or have no choice in) to do for your child, is your decision...as long as you are not causing your child harm, you should be confident in what you chose to do.



If you were feeding your child a chicken breast and someone came up and said, "Shame on you! You should raise vegans!" Would you be as worried and offended? I know I wouldn't. I would chuckle at their audacity and walk away. We allow others to make us feel bad. So, don't allow it. Don't empower folks. If you breastfeed, fabulous! If you formula feed, fabulous! But be confident in your decision.



On that note, I'm a bottle feeding, (medically necessary) scheduled c-section having mom that thinks they should keep score during children's sports and bring competition back to our youth. Who wants a society of non-competitive leaders one day? :)

Becki - posted on 06/06/2009

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I tried to breastfeed my son; however, at 5 days old, he ended up in the hospital dehydrated, underweight and with jaundice. The pediatrician blamed me for not supplementing with formula. I'm an intelligent & logical human being, and when my baby is eating off of both breasts and falling asleep, I thought he was satisfied. Not to mention, losing 7 ounces more than he should have was not something I could tell when holding him. The doctor said he had to have formula to help with the jaundice. His bilyrubin count was very bad, and he said breast milk would not make him better...not that I was producing enough milk anyway. I was trying to pump the entire time he was in the hospital. I was lucky to get 1/2-1 ounce TOTAL out of both breasts after an hour of pumping. So, I had to feed him formula or he was going to starve to death. For those that would say, "Well, you didn't try long enough," I continued pumping for a month afterward, and the production never increased. I took a breastfeeding class, had 2 lactation consultants and used the hospital pump in the effort to increase my milk flow, but it actually declined. Tho, if it did work, I was going to stop when I returned to work because that was MY decision. People that complain about a woman's decision to not breast feed, to do it for 1 month or 2 years need to keep their thoughts to themselves. Everyone wants to tell people how to raise their children, and it's none of their business. My son is incredibly healthy, in the 95%ile for his growth, and is an amazing problem solver. I was never breast fed, and my IQ has tested at over 140, and the same goes for my brother. My husband and his sister were both breastfed. Hubby and school did not get along well at all, and his sister was in special education classes.



I have a friend that refused to BF because she "wanted her body back." I had never been pregnant and just chuckled at the remark and told her I felt the same way! After being pregnant, and miserable ever step of the way, I completely understood and respected her decision. And my goddaughter is a bright & healthy 2 year old.



As others have said, nothing is 100%. Pick up any parenting book, and I promise you will find a book that is its polar opposite. Anything you choose (or have no choice in) to do for your child, is your decision...as long as you are not causing your child harm, you should be confident in what you chose to do.



If you were feeding your child a chicken breast and someone came up and said, "Shame on you! You should raise vegans!" Would you be as worried and offended? I know I wouldn't. I would chuckle at their audacity and walk away. We allow others to make us feel bad. So, don't allow it. Don't empower folks. If you breastfeed, fabulous! If you formula feed, fabulous! But be confident in your decision.



On that note, I'm a bottle feeding, (medically necessary) scheduled c-section having mom that thinks they should keep score during children's sports and bring competition back to our youth. Who wants a society of non-competitive leaders one day? :)

Jaime - posted on 06/06/2009

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Quoting Jessica:

Most posters here seem to resent anyone saying that breastmilk is better for the baby than formula. Even though everyone "knows" it of course, there are so many posts here
implying it doesn't matter really, that the mother knows best what to choose, or whatever
works is best and my whole family was raised on formula and we're Nobel Prize winners and nobody should ever judge anyone else no matter what...

Is this really a mystery? When I see a mother feeding with formula, I can't help wondering if she really is one of the small minority who medically can't feed, or one of the rest who is giving the baby inferior food for other reasons. (And if you really don't
consider formula inferior, you really don't read enough.)

But I honestly don't look down on the mother in any case because there are so many
reasons BF doesn't work out - most of which boil down to lack of support in our society.
I don't see La Leche League mentioned once in all these posts and lactation consultants maybe once? Most of our mothers weren't breastfed and didn't BF us, so
a vital link has been lost.

RE: formula killing babies . This thread started well after the recent Chinese formula melamine scandal - hasn't anyone heard of this? This is just the latest and possibly worst example of formula producers being after the buck instead of giving the least sh#t about what is going into your precious baby's body.



There is no resentment of anyone saying that "breast milk is better for the baby than formula" because the saying "breast is best" does not apply to every woman in this world.  I don't resent anyone's opinion that "breast is best", I just believe that it is untrue and highly suggestive of the idea that formula feeding is not natural and not as qualified to nourish infants.  Breast feeding was not natural for me, it was not comfortable for me, it was not natural for my Son and it was not comfortable for my Son...why the hell would I continue to breast feed if both my Son and I are miserable all the time!  I did not give up on breast feeding, I made the choice to discontinue with this method of feeding, as it was causing severe stress to my child and was not healthy for him in the least.  I am confident that I made the right decision for my child by switching him to formula and I don't have one ounce of regret for doing so because he is happy and healthy and no longer suffering from the inferiority of my breast milk.

Kristyn - posted on 06/06/2009

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i love that you brought up how our babies were brought into this world. my daughter was an emergency c-section, and i feel robbed. it was what was best for her and myself at the time. i can't help but to look at all the other mothers out there that were given the opertunity to give birth to their own children with envious eyes. and to add a strange twist child birth is suposed to be one of the most painful experances, right??? and a c-section even worse because it is major surgery, right??? i experanced very little discomfort. and i use the word discomfort because it was no where near pain. i literaly felt like i had simply done too many sit ups the day before. how strange right??? i felt tricked, like the hospital put this small person in my room and they told me it was mine but really i was still pregnant. (i had horrible gas bubbles rumbling around, so it felt like she was still cozy inside and moving). i realy felt after this experance that breastfeeding was even more important. if i couldn't give birth to my daughter i was determined to feed her as i had done for 38 weeks. this bottomed out (see my other poast) though.

Kristyn - posted on 06/06/2009

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i will admit i was horible (in my own mind, and always to myself) when i was exposed to a bottle baby. the decision to breastfeed came very natural to me. i didn't ever have to think about it. i just knew i would. then came the over abondance of information on the subject, and that solidified my choice. i looked down on a friend of mine with a daughter only a month older than my own when i found she had swiched to formula. i even went back to work. using a hospital grade pump i was able to provide for my daughter. it wasn't until i got sick that i consitered formula for her. but as fate would have it i was aflicted with a strange gi condition and one day my milk was gone. strange right. poor Daisy was not amused. i cried for hours and still it pains me to give her a bottle. but there isn't anything there, not by choice. and along with harmful medications that i have been exposed to including anestesa this disaperance has given me a new persepective on the issue. now when i see a bottle baby i am far less judgemental. i don't know all the facts and although most moms do run into complication with breastfeeding i no longer view them as lazy and unable to commit to a dificult task.

Jessica - posted on 06/06/2009

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Most posters here seem to resent anyone saying that breastmilk is better for the baby than formula. Even though everyone "knows" it of course, there are so many posts here
implying it doesn't matter really, that the mother knows best what to choose, or whatever
works is best and my whole family was raised on formula and we're Nobel Prize winners and nobody should ever judge anyone else no matter what...

Is this really a mystery? When I see a mother feeding with formula, I can't help wondering if she really is one of the small minority who medically can't feed, or one of the rest who is giving the baby inferior food for other reasons. (And if you really don't
consider formula inferior, you really don't read enough.)

But I honestly don't look down on the mother in any case because there are so many
reasons BF doesn't work out - most of which boil down to lack of support in our society.
I don't see La Leche League mentioned once in all these posts and lactation consultants maybe once? Most of our mothers weren't breastfed and didn't BF us, so
a vital link has been lost.

RE: formula killing babies . This thread started well after the recent Chinese formula melamine scandal - hasn't anyone heard of this? This is just the latest and possibly worst example of formula producers being after the buck instead of giving the least sh#t about what is going into your precious baby's body.

Chrissy - posted on 06/04/2009

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This topic amazes me - people get so passionate! I breastfed my daughter for a year. When she was born I hadn't decided if I would or not. Then she was a preemie. And it was more than strongly encouraged at the hospital. Even if she wouldn't latch, she needed breastmilk - they had me pumping within 1 hour of delivery - before I even got to hold my daughter. After she left the hospital we continued to supplement her milk (extra calories to help her grow), so I would give her a bottle (I also went back to work so she got bottles when I was gone and when I wanted Dad to have a turn). The number of people who approached me to ask why I wasn't breastfeeding was appalling! But if I did, people looked disgusted and would leave, or tell me what I was doing was inappropriate (I was always completely covered with a wrap, and usually tried to use a dressing room or something, but occasionally would have to feed in the car or once at an outdoor festival). I think no matter what you do, you can't win. All you can do is feel confident knowing that you know yourself, your child, and your situation better than anyone - and you are making the right choice for you. I have vowed to never even ask if someone is breastfeeding or formula feeding. It was nobody's business but my own, so it's never any of my business either!

[deleted account]

Well I was one of those people that was like ew breast feeding is gross and Im not going to do it. I was young when I had my first baby maybe that had something to do with it then again maybe not. But then I read on it and decided it was gonna be better for my baby if I just gave it a try. So time comes and I have flat nipples and never thought it was going to be a problem. So they had to give me something medula makes to help suck the nipples through a little cup. so really my kid is sucking through a plastic cup to get milk out of my breast. After a few weeks I started supplementing because I didnt feel like he was getting enough. Then it got to where I was absolutely certain and the little cups just werent cutting it anymore. I tried to pump but i couldnt pump enough to feed thoughout the day. So after about 6 weeks he went straight on bottle. The doctor reassured me it was fine because the child recieves the most important nutrients the first 6 weeks. Then with my second he wouldnt latch either so here we were trying the little cups again. but with him too i didnt think he was getting enough from me. I did what I could tried the pumping and seemed to be working for a bit but then my breasts just couldnt take it anymore and hurts so bad and at one point the bottles started turning pink which they told me was ok and it was still good but I couldnt bring myself to give my kid a bottle that included blood. I wouldnt want to drink that so I couldnt let him. The creams just couldnt cut it and I couldnt do it anymore. but luckily this time i had been able to pump enough that he was able to be on breast milk for a little over two months. I was proud of myself for giving something a shot I hadnt intended to in the first place. I wish it had been able to last longer. Definately would have been cheaper on the pocket. I hope people wouldnt look at me differently because of that. If a third pops up along the way then I will give it another try and hopefully third time is a charm.

Cathralynn - posted on 06/04/2009

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Quoting Laura:

I think this has little to do with the benefit of breastfeeding and more with personal shortcomings. I've known a few nursing moms who put down women who chose to bottlefeed not because of what they choose to feed their babies but because the big majority of bottlefeeders are working moms. Personally, I feel this is an issue that has more to do with giving up careers to stay home with children, nurse them, feed them organic food and never let them watch TV vs working (or studying), having someone else watch your babies and feed them drive thru food in a rush.

I nursed both my girls. I stayed home with my first and nursed for a whole year. I had my second and only nursed for 6 months because I "had" to go back to work to help support my family. If it was up to me, I would've nursed more and I would've stayed home. Unfortunately, our goals to provide our children with a decent education and decent lives, force some of us to make harsh decisions. My girls were cared for by their grandma. They started preschool at age 3 and I can honestly say they are two independent, loving and caring girls. Their dad and I get involved in their school and try our best to make up for the time we don't see them. I think that we as society need to be more tolerant and respectful to others' choices. I see my sisters and friends get overwhelmed with guilt for having to leave their children to go to work or for not being able to nurse. I say we stop this cycle and embrace our hardworking women.


I agree with the whole theme of what you said.  Except that to say returning to work means to stop nursing.  Unless you mean actually breast feeding.  I returned to work when my daughter was 2ml old.  But expressed and fed in a bottle until she was 8mo. My guess is that some people look down on bottle feeding at all, no matter if its breastmilk or not.  But you can make great child rearing decisions and still work.  Even organic food and no tv.

Laura - posted on 06/04/2009

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I think this has little to do with the benefit of breastfeeding and more with personal shortcomings. I've known a few nursing moms who put down women who chose to bottlefeed not because of what they choose to feed their babies but because the big majority of bottlefeeders are working moms. Personally, I feel this is an issue that has more to do with giving up careers to stay home with children, nurse them, feed them organic food and never let them watch TV vs working (or studying), having someone else watch your babies and feed them drive thru food in a rush.



I nursed both my girls. I stayed home with my first and nursed for a whole year. I had my second and only nursed for 6 months because I "had" to go back to work to help support my family. If it was up to me, I would've nursed more and I would've stayed home. Unfortunately, our goals to provide our children with a decent education and decent lives, force some of us to make harsh decisions. My girls were cared for by their grandma. They started preschool at age 3 and I can honestly say they are two independent, loving and caring girls. Their dad and I get involved in their school and try our best to make up for the time we don't see them. I think that we as society need to be more tolerant and respectful to others' choices. I see my sisters and friends get overwhelmed with guilt for having to leave their children to go to work or for not being able to nurse. I say we stop this cycle and embrace our hardworking women.

Alex - posted on 06/04/2009

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I have been on both sides of the "breast" on this issue so to speak. My first, try as I might I could not breast feed her. The second, I gave it the college try again and had a great experience and am just now weaning her (9m old now).



Firstly, be comfortable and confident in your decision and just ignore the nay sayers. Secondly, I know I am letting the cat out of the bag here ladies but breast feeding although great for your child is a Pain in the Ass! So I think that those that say nasty things are really just jealous that you have it easier, no sore nipples, no leaking mess, no pumping for hours on end so you can get away for an hour, and the list goes on.

Ashley - posted on 06/04/2009

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Quoting Kylie:



Quoting Ashley:




Quoting Rebecca:

I think most women like that look down on those women who wont even try breast feeding. There are some women who just don't want to do it no matter what the situation. I understand that it doesn't work for some women (like myself) and sometimes having too many children at home can make it impossible to breast feed but when there is no reason to not feed apart from not wanting to I do find it difficult to understand. Of course formula is fine and my son is healthy from having it but when there is something better for your baby out there wouldn't you want to give it a go. I was devastated when I gave up breast feeding but it was no longer possible for me to do it. If women are looking down on you when they don't even know your situation then that is so wrong.


hmmm thought about it......nope!! dont feel comfortable doing it so i'm not doing it! what you think i should do isnt going to change my mind. sorry but it's my body noone else's.





because some of us dont feel comfortable doing it. i never tried it and i never will. that's MY decision so who are you to look down on me for it? is my son being fed? absolutely so that's all that matters. you have nooo right to look down on anybody for their choice whether it be they couldnt breastfeed or simply just didnt want to. i'm not going to sit here and say i tried and it didnt work because i didnt try, i didnt want to try. i knew i didnt want to do it wayyyyyy before i had children. my sons very first feed was a bottle. i am currently due in July and it will be the exact same for this baby as well. i personally think people should just mind their own business period. nobody should look down on anyone for feeding their child.












Hmmm.. the first thing you learn about being a mother is that your child comes before your wants. Before my first child was born I didn’t like the idea of a baby suckling on me, I was very uncomfortable about the thought of pushing a  baby out my vagina as well. But I did it. Being a mother equals sacrifice. I think you owe it to your next baby to at least try. It seems unfair that these women who tried their best to breastfeed and give their babies the very best start  but suffered sore nipples, hungry babies, engorgement etc before they had no choice but to use formula and you grow a baby in your body but absolulty refuse to nourish it with your body. Breastfeeding is a beautiful natural thing, don’t rule it out with your next one just because the idea of it makes you uncomfortable. You get comfortable.







hmmm thought about it......nope!! dont feel comfortable doing it so i'm not doing it! what you think i should do isnt going to change my mind. sorry but it's my body noone else's. i was also uncomfortable with the thought of pushing a child out but i didnt sit there and say no i'm not doing it, i did it. it is my choice whether i want to breastfeed or bottle and i will bottlefeed. i ENJOYED bottlefeeding my son he bonded quite well with me and everyone else. his dad was able to get up in the middle of the night with him to give me a break. excuse me but i dont owe it to my next son to try and breastfeed. well it may seem unfair to those women but that was THEIR choice. why do you care what i do with my children anyways. i am feeding my children, they have full bellies and thats all that matters. i went through enough with my 1st son having to watch him almost die on me because he was severely sick that breastfeeding was the last thing on my mind. in the 2 months he was at the hospital not one nurse made me feel like shit because i didnt want to breastfeed. they also enjoyed feeding him. i wasnt also going to breastfeed and stay at the hospital 24/7 not bein able to get a break from everything. you are probably goin to quote me again with your opinion but honestly dont waste your time because you can sit there and write and write until you are blue in the face about what you think i should do but i honestly do not care whatsoever what you think i should do. if i cared what even my bf thought i would have tried breastfeeding but he is MYson and i do what i want with him.  feed your children the way you want to and i will feed my children the way i want to! thank you have a great day!!

Jaime - posted on 06/04/2009

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Quoting Kylie:

Well i don't think being uncomfortable necessarily means having to be unhappy. 9 hours of unbroken sleep, the freedom to grab my bag and walk out the house on a whim and stay out all night, being able to work long hours and save my money, having my breasts to myself to share just with husband - all these things made me happy but i had to give that up when my children were born. Maybe sacrifice is too strong a word but we all give up a lot when we choose to bring a child into this world it doesn't mean our babies and us are unhappy, everyone adapts. Don't get me started on women who are too posh to push. I'm not one of those women who will have a c-section to keep my vagina "honeymoon fresh" I take it for granted how easy and lovely it is to be able to breastfeed. I still think women should at least TRY breastfeeding before ruling it out maybe it would feel natural to Amanda too but she wont know unless she gives it a go.



What does it matter if a woman is "too posh to push"---point is, she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to and she's not any less of a mother/woman/person for thinking so or doing so.  You might think women should 'try' breast feeding before ruling it out...but then that same thinking should be applied to formula too. 

Jaime - posted on 06/04/2009

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Quoting Kylie:

Well i don't think being uncomfortable necessarily means having to be unhappy. 9 hours of unbroken sleep, the freedom to grab my bag and walk out the house on a whim and stay out all night, being able to work long hours and save my money, having my breasts to myself to share just with husband - all these things made me happy but i had to give that up when my children were born. Maybe sacrifice is too strong a word but we all give up a lot when we choose to bring a child into this world it doesn't mean our babies and us are unhappy, everyone adapts. Don't get me started on women who are too posh to push. I'm not one of those women who will have a c-section to keep my vagina "honeymoon fresh" I take it for granted how easy and lovely it is to be able to breastfeed. I still think women should at least TRY breastfeeding before ruling it out maybe it would feel natural to Amanda too but she wont know unless she gives it a go.



What does it matter if a woman is "too posh to push"---point is, she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to and she's not any less of a mother/woman/person for thinking so or doing so.  You might think women should 'try' breast feeding before ruling it out...but then that same thinking should be applied to formula too. 

Jaime - posted on 06/04/2009

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Misty, I clicked on the "funny" icon" because of the very last part of your comment about your daughter only wanting chicken nuggets and french fries...just didn't want you to think that I thought the deaths of the babies in your families was funny.

User - posted on 06/03/2009

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My response would be.... thank goodness we live in a free country where we can voice our opinions no matter how different they may be. I think women who breastfeed are wonderful and women who don't are wonderful, thank goodness we are mothers who love are children enough to feed them! Thank goodness we have child to feed! My mother in law lost her daughter to SIDS at three months, my sister in law lost her daughter to a rare disorder at 1 month, my daughter was born with Amniotic Band Syndrome affecting both hands and feet... how we fed them were the least of our worries. As far as whether or not I breastfeed my child I don't think it really matters now, she turning two this month and the only thing she wants to eat is chicken nuggets and french fries....I guess that is a discussion all for itself!

Mel - posted on 06/03/2009

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this is interesting what Kylie and Jaime are talking about, just wanted to say i was a little disapointed at how i look now after pushing out a baby down there, but im still happy and dont regret having a natural birth it helps you to bond with your baby, i dont think i could do a c section id feel like someone else brought my child into the world, they would be cutting you open and taking you child out rather then you pushing and sweating and hurting to bring a life into the world. yeah it hurts but its just the most amazing thing. i dont fully agree with the thing about breast feeding i just think you can feed your child whatever way you chose, i dont think anyone should be pushed and pressured into BF-ing. i certainly tried it and remember how low i felt.

Kylie - posted on 06/03/2009

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Well i don't think being uncomfortable necessarily means having to be unhappy. 9 hours of unbroken sleep, the freedom to grab my bag and walk out the house on a whim and stay out all night, being able to work long hours and save my money, having my breasts to myself to share just with husband - all these things made me happy but i had to give that up when my children were born. Maybe sacrifice is too strong a word but we all give up a lot when we choose to bring a child into this world it doesn't mean our babies and us are unhappy, everyone adapts. Don't get me started on women who are too posh to push. I'm not one of those women who will have a c-section to keep my vagina "honeymoon fresh" I take it for granted how easy and lovely it is to be able to breastfeed. I still think women should at least TRY breastfeeding before ruling it out maybe it would feel natural to Amanda too but she wont know unless she gives it a go.

Jaime - posted on 06/03/2009

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Quoting Kylie:



Quoting Ashley:




Quoting Rebecca:

I think most women like that look down on those women who wont even try breast feeding. There are some women who just don't want to do it no matter what the situation. I understand that it doesn't work for some women (like myself) and sometimes having too many children at home can make it impossible to breast feed but when there is no reason to not feed apart from not wanting to I do find it difficult to understand. Of course formula is fine and my son is healthy from having it but when there is something better for your baby out there wouldn't you want to give it a go. I was devastated when I gave up breast feeding but it was no longer possible for me to do it. If women are looking down on you when they don't even know your situation then that is so wrong.








because some of us dont feel comfortable doing it. i never tried it and i never will. that's MY decision so who are you to look down on me for it? is my son being fed? absolutely so that's all that matters. you have nooo right to look down on anybody for their choice whether it be they couldnt breastfeed or simply just didnt want to. i'm not going to sit here and say i tried and it didnt work because i didnt try, i didnt want to try. i knew i didnt want to do it wayyyyyy before i had children. my sons very first feed was a bottle. i am currently due in July and it will be the exact same for this baby as well. i personally think people should just mind their own business period. nobody should look down on anyone for feeding their child.












Hmmm.. the first thing you learn about being a mother is that your child comes before your wants. Before my first child was born I didn’t like the idea of a baby suckling on me, I was very uncomfortable about the thought of pushing a  baby out my vagina as well. But I did it. Being a mother equals sacrifice. I think you owe it to your next baby to at least try. It seems unfair that these women who tried their best to breastfeed and give their babies the very best start  but suffered sore nipples, hungry babies, engorgement etc before they had no choice but to use formula and you grow a baby in your body but absolulty refuse to nourish it with your body. Breastfeeding is a beautiful natural thing, don’t rule it out with your next one just because the idea of it makes you uncomfortable. You get comfortable.








The first thing that you need to keep in mind about being a mother is that you need to be happy before you can expect to help your baby to be happy.  Being a mother does not equal sacrifice, because a mother should not sacrifice her happiness to have a child--that is not fair to the child.  Certainly there are lifestyle changes to be made when you have a child, but that is not a sacrifice, that is a choice to adjust one's lifestyle to be more child-centred.  As well, child birth does not have to be done via vagina...if you didn't want to have a vaginal birth you could have opted for a caesarian--you chose to have a vaginal birth and that's wonderful.  Just because you grow a baby inside your body doesn't mean that you HAVE to nourish your baby with your body.  Breast feeding isn't beautiful--it's work, just like any kind of feeding and it's only natural to you.  A mother that chooses to formula feed would consider that to be natural as well. 



p.s. you don't always get comfortable with breast feeding no matter what anyone says..it just isn't so for everyone.

Kylie - posted on 06/03/2009

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Quoting Ashley:



Quoting Rebecca:

I think most women like that look down on those women who wont even try breast feeding. There are some women who just don't want to do it no matter what the situation. I understand that it doesn't work for some women (like myself) and sometimes having too many children at home can make it impossible to breast feed but when there is no reason to not feed apart from not wanting to I do find it difficult to understand. Of course formula is fine and my son is healthy from having it but when there is something better for your baby out there wouldn't you want to give it a go. I was devastated when I gave up breast feeding but it was no longer possible for me to do it. If women are looking down on you when they don't even know your situation then that is so wrong.






because some of us dont feel comfortable doing it. i never tried it and i never will. that's MY decision so who are you to look down on me for it? is my son being fed? absolutely so that's all that matters. you have nooo right to look down on anybody for their choice whether it be they couldnt breastfeed or simply just didnt want to. i'm not going to sit here and say i tried and it didnt work because i didnt try, i didnt want to try. i knew i didnt want to do it wayyyyyy before i had children. my sons very first feed was a bottle. i am currently due in July and it will be the exact same for this baby as well. i personally think people should just mind their own business period. nobody should look down on anyone for feeding their child.







Hmmm.. the first thing you learn about being a mother is that your child comes before your wants. Before my first child was born I didn’t like the idea of a baby suckling on me, I was very uncomfortable about the thought of pushing a  baby out my vagina as well. But I did it. Being a mother equals sacrifice. I think you owe it to your next baby to at least try. It seems unfair that these women who tried their best to breastfeed and give their babies the very best start  but suffered sore nipples, hungry babies, engorgement etc before they had no choice but to use formula and you grow a baby in your body but absolulty refuse to nourish it with your body. Breastfeeding is a beautiful natural thing, don’t rule it out with your next one just because the idea of it makes you uncomfortable. You get comfortable.



Jessica - posted on 06/03/2009

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Hello to all of those Ladies that had trouble breastfeeding too! My daughter & I had a terrible time trying to breast feed. My daughter had difficulty latching on. The minute she didn't get milk, she screamed for hours. My daughter also had severe COLIC for 2 months (the kind where the baby screams 20 HOURS/day, and I slept for 4 hours/day, never in a row...at the end of 3 weeks, I was so sleep deprived, I saw things on the ceiling..). The nurses in the hospital treated me like this was MY fault. My daughter bit so much (with no teeth mind you) my nipples bled, they stuck and crusted to the nursing bra pads and the nurse who discharged me home said not to even try again for 48 hours. I tried to pump and it would take an hour to get 1 ounce of milk. My milk never really did come in. I tried the first week of her life to feed her with a syringe by DR orders so she would NOT get used to a bottle, but she lost weight and I was told I HAD to start giving more formula (as I was trying to give as little as possible mixing it with whatever I could pump). She took to the bottle, but the colic continued, the DR's were NOT HELPFUL, pretty much told me to suck it up and live with it, through my own research I found ENFAMIL NUTRAMIGEN, the best formula (AND THE MOST EXPENSIVE) ever, but within 48 hours, my daughter was this completely opposite little person with a smily disposition. The first time she slept through the night, I woke her up @ 4 AM because I was convinced something was very wrong because MY CHILD DID NOT Sleep....I was 24 years old, a first time mom. No one ever told me people had difficulty breast feeding or what to do with REAL COLIC.......the DR's and nurses ALL MADE ME FEEL LIKE MY BABY's PROBLEMS were all my fault....don't take any S**T from your health care providers, they are paid to be professionals....My daughter is now 6 years old, incredibly smart, beautiful and bright. You do the best you can for your child's specific needs, don't let anyone make you feel bad about it:)

Samantha - posted on 06/03/2009

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Quoting Catherine:



Quoting [no name]:




Quoting Jaime:





Quoting [no name]:






Quoting Jaime:







Quoting Guggie:

I totally don't get why anyone would judge a mom. Moms are the VICTIMs and so are their children.

Seems people are so busy squabbling over fragile self-esteem issues that the doctors, media, formula makers, lobbyists etc get off scot free. Yet they are the ones abusing their authority and damaging mothers and their children.

I don't judge any PERSON but I dang well can assure you I will judge an action. Formula is lower than the minimum because that's all human milk is: the minimum. Formula is filled with chemicals, fake sugars, DHA derived from algae and mixed with hexane (why not google hexane). It's bad and it burns me up to think that women are being hoodwinked into using this stuff with the sly marketing ads.

Formula was made to keep babies alive. As in, survive because no other alternative is available. Even the World Health Organisation lists formula as number 3 on the list of alternatives to use when direct mother-child breastfeeding is impossible.

We need to get the word out. Save one baby and one mommy at a time. I'm sorry but there is no reason for the 2-5% of women who MEDICALLY are unable to breastfeed to own this debate. That is a minority. For the other 70% of bottle feeding women in America, there is no excuse other than ignorance due to the money-making system in place with doctors, formula makers and the like.

Over 70%. That is not a number of women trying "as hard as they can." That is failure and I frankly could care less about being called a nazi. I want to reach out and help other moms so they don't have to be part of that statistic.














"Save one baby and one mommy at a time"...seriously?  Have babies and their mothers died from formula use?  I haven't ever read or heard anything to substantiate this cry for safety.  Mothers and babies are not innocent victims of a hostile formula take-over...they are consumers of a product that was first produced as a substitute for breast milk and has now become an alternative method of nourishment for babies.  I've read stupid emails about how margarine is only one chemical away from being plastic...I detect an element of paranoia in your viewpoint.














Also, you can't own this debate, you can own your position in this debate...


















 












Actually, it is funny that you ask. Yes babies have died because of formula and others have gotten very sick. I dont care what you decide to feed your kids but I cant believe that you dont know that... you say you dont want to be educated and thats fine but maybe it might be a good idea to know what you are feeding your child.















 










Do you know for certain how these babies died?  Did they perhaps have an allergy to one of the ingredients in the formula?.  If you don't know for certain what caused the infant's death while consuming the formula, then you cannot assume that it was the fault of the formula.  For that matter, have you considered looking up the statistics of babies that have died from consuming breast milk?  I wonder what cause would be determined from that death?  I have a good idea that allergies would be at the forefront, and medications that a mother is taking just to name a couple.  Consider the risks for both methods of nourishment before deciding what you deem to be appropriate education on the matter.  I have never once said that I "don't want to be educated", so wherever you saw that written in my post, can you please point it out to me.  What I said was, that I don't know how others decide that a person needs to be educated about something...and based on your comment, I still stand by that point.     












 








Yes actually there is quite a bit of research that shows how many babies have died because of formula. there has been a lot of stuff in formula that isnt good for kids over the years and even now there is still in formula that shouldnt be (google melamine and scare yourself shitless). There is also a lot of damage done to babies because of moms who dont know how to mix the formula or water it down to save money.  I dont know why you assume that it is not known for sure that the babies died because of the formula... because it is.








I do not say this to be offensive but you are very uninformed about breastmilk and formula both. If you really want to look at things based on facts I am happy to discuss this with you calmly.









What about all the babies who died from malnutrition before the introduction of formula. Not all mothers are milk making machines!






and babies have died from breast milk too    what about the moms that consume alochol and do drugs   that goes right to the baby    it these mothers were formula feeding  their babies wouldnt have died  you people  need to chill   its a womans decesion  as long as the baby is getting fed who cares? ya breast milk is best   but if formula was really that bad  they wouldnt sell it 

Samantha - posted on 06/03/2009

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well i was one of thoes moms i guess it just made me feel better that i ws giving my baby the best and the mom across the room wasnt lik 2 months later i stopped breastfeeding and i realized that i was wrong bottle feeding is so much easier you can go out and do what you gotta do without worring about pumping it doesnt matter if you baby gets breast milk or formula in the long run the breastfed baby will grow up just as healthy as the formula fed baby

Jaime - posted on 06/03/2009

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Quoting Ashley:



Quoting Rebecca:

I think most women like that look down on those women who wont even try breast feeding. There are some women who just don't want to do it no matter what the situation. I understand that it doesn't work for some women (like myself) and sometimes having too many children at home can make it impossible to breast feed but when there is no reason to not feed apart from not wanting to I do find it difficult to understand. Of course formula is fine and my son is healthy from having it but when there is something better for your baby out there wouldn't you want to give it a go. I was devastated when I gave up breast feeding but it was no longer possible for me to do it. If women are looking down on you when they don't even know your situation then that is so wrong.






because some of us dont feel comfortable doing it. i never tried it and i never will. that's MY decision so who are you to look down on me for it? is my son being fed? absolutely so that's all that matters. you have nooo right to look down on anybody for their choice whether it be they couldnt breastfeed or simply just didnt want to. i'm not going to sit here and say i tried and it didnt work because i didnt try, i didnt want to try. i knew i didnt want to do it wayyyyyy before i had children. my sons very first feed was a bottle. i am currently due in July and it will be the exact same for this baby as well. i personally think people should just mind their own business period. nobody should look down on anyone for feeding their child.






Loved your post!  My only reason for trying was cost, because I am a single parent and had difficulty getting by in the beginning with all of the initial expenses.  Had I not been concerned with cost, I would likely have given formula a shot without trying breast feeding, not because I wasn't comfortable with it, but because I prefer formula feeding.  I did not enjoy breast feeding AT ALL and if I were to have another child, I would formula feed as well without offering breast milk first. 

Ashley - posted on 06/03/2009

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Quoting Rebecca:

I think most women like that look down on those women who wont even try breast feeding. There are some women who just don't want to do it no matter what the situation. I understand that it doesn't work for some women (like myself) and sometimes having too many children at home can make it impossible to breast feed but when there is no reason to not feed apart from not wanting to I do find it difficult to understand. Of course formula is fine and my son is healthy from having it but when there is something better for your baby out there wouldn't you want to give it a go. I was devastated when I gave up breast feeding but it was no longer possible for me to do it. If women are looking down on you when they don't even know your situation then that is so wrong.



because some of us dont feel comfortable doing it. i never tried it and i never will. that's MY decision so who are you to look down on me for it? is my son being fed? absolutely so that's all that matters. you have nooo right to look down on anybody for their choice whether it be they couldnt breastfeed or simply just didnt want to. i'm not going to sit here and say i tried and it didnt work because i didnt try, i didnt want to try. i knew i didnt want to do it wayyyyyy before i had children. my sons very first feed was a bottle. i am currently due in July and it will be the exact same for this baby as well. i personally think people should just mind their own business period. nobody should look down on anyone for feeding their child.

Jaime - posted on 06/03/2009

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Quoting Jennifer:

I am sorry people make you feel that way. I feel judged because I do breastfeed. People seem weird about it. I remember a woman saying that if she had a boy it would be too strange to breastfeed. That is what they are for. Your situation is different. People like to comment on what isn't their business. Annoying, but a fact. You did what is right for your baby and that is all one can do. If you tried and it didn't work, at least you tried. I had a lot of support and no medical problem to interfere with it.



If breast feeding is what breasts are for, then why can't men breast feed too?  Men don't have milk ducts attached, but they certainly have nipples...did evolution get to a point and just stop?  Perhaps in 1000 years, men will be born with this ability...who really knows?  My point is that the expectations of our bodies, based on "norms" created by elitist standards, leads to judgment when there is opposition to 'rules' that have been decided as to what is the best and what is the worst.  Perhaps it is weird for some people to fathom the idea of a child sucking on their nipples and so they choose to formula feed without another thought on the matter...what is the problem with this exactly?

Jaime - posted on 06/03/2009

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Quoting Debbie:

In this day and age I cannot even believe that there are people out there that would make a woman feel bad for her choice on "how" the baby gets fed. Shame on you moms who think you are better for feeding your little ones with breast milk vs. formula. I was a mom who was blessed enough to breast feed both my kids. I did not intend on that method before I got them. I was planning on feeding with formula. Praises to you formula givers for feeding your children and loving them the very best you are able to. Good grief!! It is the same idea of one mom giving birth with no meds vs. the mom that says hook me up with the pain meds at the door. No one is better than the other for their birthing or feeding methods. Get out of the elementary school mentality people...



Great post Debbie.  I just wanted to add that I think the difficulty that many people have with this argument is the mentality that a woman is BLESSED if she can breast feed.  Not only does this denote religious fixation on a bodily function that may or may not be possible for a woman, but it also suggests that breast feeding is the superior method, whereby all others are doomed to criticism and all those in favour are doomed to a lifetime of chastisement for their choice (whether necessary or voluntary) to formula feed.  Getting away from the myth that "breast is best" is the only way that people are going to realize and truly UNDERSTAND why a woman would choose not to breast feed without giving it any consideration as a method of nutrition. 

Jennifer - posted on 06/03/2009

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I am sorry people make you feel that way. I feel judged because I do breastfeed. People seem weird about it. I remember a woman saying that if she had a boy it would be too strange to breastfeed. That is what they are for. Your situation is different. People like to comment on what isn't their business. Annoying, but a fact. You did what is right for your baby and that is all one can do. If you tried and it didn't work, at least you tried. I had a lot of support and no medical problem to interfere with it.

Debbie - posted on 06/03/2009

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In this day and age I cannot even believe that there are people out there that would make a woman feel bad for her choice on "how" the baby gets fed. Shame on you moms who think you are better for feeding your little ones with breast milk vs. formula. I was a mom who was blessed enough to breast feed both my kids. I did not intend on that method before I got them. I was planning on feeding with formula. Praises to you formula givers for feeding your children and loving them the very best you are able to. Good grief!! It is the same idea of one mom giving birth with no meds vs. the mom that says hook me up with the pain meds at the door. No one is better than the other for their birthing or feeding methods. Get out of the elementary school mentality people...

Rebecca - posted on 06/03/2009

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Quoting Gretchen:

you know i only look down on bottle feeding when the mom decides to do it because she just doesn't want to. . .i asked my friend if she was going to breastfeed and she said "no becasue my mom didn't and my sister didn't and i don't like it" that is a stupid reason. .. i mean if you can't produce milk or there are actual reasons why you can't breast feed then yeah your going to formula feed. . you can't let them starve. . .but if you are not going to breast feed because "you don't feel like it" or you are really immature and think its sexual (i know some who do) then yeah i think thats a stupid reason for bottlefeeding and i don't think you should reproduce then. . .


Too bloody right!



 



Couldn't have put it better myself.

Rebecca - posted on 06/03/2009

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I think most women like that look down on those women who wont even try breast feeding. There are some women who just don't want to do it no matter what the situation. I understand that it doesn't work for some women (like myself) and sometimes having too many children at home can make it impossible to breast feed but when there is no reason to not feed apart from not wanting to I do find it difficult to understand. Of course formula is fine and my son is healthy from having it but when there is something better for your baby out there wouldn't you want to give it a go. I was devastated when I gave up breast feeding but it was no longer possible for me to do it. If women are looking down on you when they don't even know your situation then that is so wrong.

[deleted account]

My daughter wouldn't latch on to the breast as well, so myself and her father choose to bottle feed, but before you Boob-Nazi's come after me there wasn't formula in the bottle, I pumped and placed it in a bottle. My daughter enjoyed the bottle more than the breast and my husband got to do his "share" of the midnight feedings. We don't know why she didn't like the breast, just that she wouldn't nurse and we were TOLD by DOCTORS to try pumping and giving her a bottle. She is a very bright, active 12 year old now, A honor role, in the band and playing sports......She did get supplemental formula when I had to be out of town or she "ran' out at the baby sitter....Yes I said babysitter, I just opened another can of worms, but she wasn't harmed in any way shape or form from using a bottle and supplemental formula or a babysitter I might add. Just keep doing what ever is best for you and your child and don't worry about what anyone else might say or think.

Manreez - posted on 06/03/2009

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yeah totally true. though i managed to exclusively breastfeed my son for 6 mnths n still continue partly ..i agree with what u say. my mom gave up trying to breastfeed me after i refused her breast completely (god knows why) and i have grown up to be absolutely healthy and have an IQ much above the average. i am an architect. All the talk they give about breastfeeding developing immunity in ur child is bogus too. i have a freind who breastfed her sons by the book with a view to develop their immunity and im sorry to say that they r the sickest lil kids i have seen. \so i accomplish that breastfeeding and bottlefeeding today are quite at par thanks to technology . But might i also add that its worthh giving breastfeeding a try...coz if it does click with ur baby then theres nothing more relaxing and stress free. i mean imagine ..all i carried arnd whith me till my baby was 6 mnths old was an extra nappy. no bottles, no formula, no sterilisers, NOTHING. and its jnst the best pacifier for ur baby. just unbutton n plug in ur boob...simple as ABC .fresh, free and always available at the source :)

Jamie - posted on 06/03/2009

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Lots of posts here....lots of false info too. Remember to follow your heart and do what you think is best for your child. If you are serious about nursing, you should really contact a LeLeche leader near you. They are a great support group for nursing moms! If your heart is totally for it and you are having difficulties they offer lots of suggestions and encouragement. No matter what the issue may be, there is almost ALWAYS a way to give our babies the "liquid gold" as long as you are willing to commit to it. Good luck to all!

Jaime - posted on 06/03/2009

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And just because someone has the ability to breast feed does not mean that they will or that they should...whatever the reason.

Jaime - posted on 06/03/2009

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Quoting Erica:

I have the same problem with bottle feeding moms who think it is gross to breastfeed. Sometimes I think it is ourselves being self conscious about our decision. As long as you tried I don't see any problem with bottle feeding. I don't understand why anyone wouldn't try. I mean it is better for both mom and baby for a multitude of reasons. After 3 months many working moms have to supplement with a bottle when they go back to work. Don't worry what other people think.



Sure, you can own the opinion that all Mom's should try breast feeding before deciding to go with formula...but you can't win that argument until you are willing to give formula that same approach. 



You don't understand why anyone wouldn't try breast feeding because you believe in the myth that "breast is best"--this is not always the case!



Our bodies are amazing in that theoretically, all women are born with the ability to create life, however, just because this applies to the majority population, does not make it an absolute determination of female capabilities.  Every person, every body is different...so to say that "breast is best" excludes those women that are born without the theoretical "norms" of the female body...should they then be bombarded with propaganda about the superiority of breast milk over formula if they are unable to produce it?

Jaime - posted on 06/03/2009

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Quoting vicky:

i am a breastfeeding mum of twins, and i hate the attitude people have on breast over bottle! you should be free to do what is right for both YOU and your baby! i breastfeed because i am too damn lazy to spend my days steralising bottles and warming or cooling milk! NOT because it is best for my children! I hate being told how amazing i am or what a wonderful thing i am doing by breastfeeding and always put people in their place when they say these things! a bottle fed baby is much better than a screaming baby and depressed mother because one or both do not for any reason, get on with breast feeding! you are to be congratulated for doing what is best for you both and not paying attention to peer pressure! some women are too far up their own backsides to see the bigger picture! you can lactate - well done you, your not the first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol (btw - i am anti 'breastfeeding brigade'!)



Your profile picture is very sweet.  I wouldn't call you lazy though...it's tough enough to breast feed one, let alone two.  I did attempt to breast feed from day one but was unable to produce enough to satisfy my Son...poor kid starved his first week home because even with the aid of a pump and formula suppliments, he still wasn't getting enough.  I agree with the tediousness of washing/sterilizing bottles...I only sterilized my Son's bottles once and now I just wash with hot water and mild, non-anti-bacterial dish soap.  I also stopped boiling and cooling water for his bottles after 2 1/2 months because he has shown great adaptability skills despite his digestive discomfort from being lactose intolerant.  This is another reason for my choice to exclusively formula feed.  My Son has an allergy to lactose which is present in breast milk...I tried lactaid drops to no avail, and decided that formula was the best option as there are a few that specialize in alternative ingredients for milk allergies--he is much happier as a result and does not spend the better part of a day screaming in pain.   

Erica - posted on 06/03/2009

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I have the same problem with bottle feeding moms who think it is gross to breastfeed. Sometimes I think it is ourselves being self conscious about our decision. As long as you tried I don't see any problem with bottle feeding. I don't understand why anyone wouldn't try. I mean it is better for both mom and baby for a multitude of reasons. After 3 months many working moms have to supplement with a bottle when they go back to work. Don't worry what other people think.

User - posted on 06/03/2009

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I also had a breast reduction before I had kids and was made to feel inferior everytime I went to the doctor mostly because of all the breast feeding posters around. My kids are happy and healthy and we have a strong bond. There are other ways to bond with your children than just through breastfeeding.

[deleted account]

i am a breastfeeding mum of twins, and i hate the attitude people have on breast over bottle! you should be free to do what is right for both YOU and your baby! i breastfeed because i am too damn lazy to spend my days steralising bottles and warming or cooling milk! NOT because it is best for my children! I hate being told how amazing i am or what a wonderful thing i am doing by breastfeeding and always put people in their place when they say these things! a bottle fed baby is much better than a screaming baby and depressed mother because one or both do not for any reason, get on with breast feeding! you are to be congratulated for doing what is best for you both and not paying attention to peer pressure! some women are too far up their own backsides to see the bigger picture! you can lactate - well done you, your not the first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol (btw - i am anti 'breastfeeding brigade'!)

Sharyn - posted on 06/02/2009

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Both have the advantages. i dont frown on either. my daughter was impatient and refused to take my breast because nothing came out quickly the first time ... lol .. so we went to formula.

I had milk, she just wouldnt take it ... even now she is impatient for food.

The hospital lactation consultant was a bit forceful in the whole you must breast feed your child, .. absolutely not, it is your decision and you know what is right for your child.

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