Why do women stick around with men who treat them like crap?!?!? Bugs me sooo bad!

Arica - posted on 01/17/2010 ( 31 moms have responded )

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I see posts from women on here who CASUALLY state that their man (baby daddy or not) treats them like shit.... like they say it like it's no big deal... like they're usued to it and almost okay with it, yet that still complain and wonder "why them!?". If you're reading this, and this applies to you... I really urge you to figure out what it is in life that you want. You DON'T "NEED" a man to make you happy-- you may THINK that you do, but you do NOT! For all you women who say they're stranded at home with kids and your man strays to friends houses, etc to watch football and wants nothing to do with you-- leave the bastard. If you're one of the women who say their man ABSOLUTELY REFUSES to help around the house-- that's BS! If you're one of the women who post about their man being a money hogger and that the man is the one who is in charge of all money and you have to get your own job to pay for ANYTHING (bottle of fingernail polish, ANYTHING).... leave the douche! Thanks for listening! :o)

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Well, unless you have been in that situation before you will never understand, its not as easy as just packing your bags and walking out the door.

Sharon - posted on 01/18/2010

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Wrong Jessica.



We're talking about physical violence, constant verbal abuse, etc.



Not "omg he LEFT THE CAP OFF THE TOOTHPASTE AGAIN!!!" crap (I have a lot of those)



If I ever posted "so he hit me last night..." it would be followed with "...so I tore his balls off with my fingernails and you guys won't hear from me for a while..."



These women put themselves in the abused position because no one has taught them other wise. I have even read - at least once - on this site that woman's mother told her to stay because she couldn't do any better. omg - I wanted to vomit.



Most of us are intelligent enough to recognise simple ranting from someone letting it slip that they're being abused, verbally or physically.



If you read some posts carefully - you'll see hints about the man putting her down, insinuating its to hard out there in the real world.... shit like that...



versus the sporadic ranting posts... "he forgot to get diapers!!!"

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31 Comments

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Jessica - posted on 01/20/2010

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Well put, Arica. You can also report abuse to the Cafe mom administrators.....=)

Arica - posted on 01/20/2010

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I'm not going to sit there and say "omg honey, you're being hit and/or treated like s***? I'm so sorry. It'll get better honey, it will"! NOOOOOOOOOO! Honey, you need to get OUT of that relationship ASAP because that's NOT right!

Arica - posted on 01/20/2010

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yeah Jessica-- and we're trying to flippin tell those certain women that they don't HAVE to put up with that stuff and trying to teach them some common sense- because obviously they're not learning it elsewhere!!

Jessica - posted on 01/18/2010

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I'm still trying to figure out of whom (the women) you are talking about? (The posters?) Please take a moment to review my original post, if you could. Thank you.
Look. Here is the deal:
If a woman comes on to a message board and has voluntarily shared that she/ her children are in an abusive relationship, what are we getting annoyed about? !!! This person came on here obviously because she needed an outlet, advice and most of all HELP. If it bothers you so doggone much and you are concerned,contact the police and report it. You know you can do that, right? What needs to be recognized is that these things are happening, they are more common that you realize, and instead of people doing something to help their fellow sister, they are putting them down. But don't trivialize the fact or put these women down more than they already are. It seems like the ladies on this post have already established the facts of women that go through these issues. So when are we going to start doing the RIGHT thing and reporting the abuse, if it is happening? And I still stand by my post that sometimes, we just get mad at our partners.
Please take care of your tummy. =)
And no one is "wrong" in a forum. Just different opinions. That's all. Thanks for yours, BTW.

Jessica - posted on 01/18/2010

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Maybe the women just come on here to vent frustrations and get positive feedback? Come on, ladies. Let's be real here. How many of you have a friend or family member that calls you whenever they get mad at their SO and continue to tell you all of their SO's faults without mentioning what THEY may have done to contribute? I have to play devils advocate on this one because we ALL go through those moments. I am not saying it is right or even okay to go on a public forum and bash your SO because they didn't (fill in the blank). So if you are tired of seeing certain posts, there is a really easy fix, and that is to just not read them. =)

LeAndrea - posted on 01/18/2010

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Low self-esteem and self-worth. It's lack of self love allows one to be treated badly another. Period.

Arica - posted on 01/18/2010

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bottom line is some of you just need to put your foot down or else nothing is ever going to change

Arica - posted on 01/18/2010

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I suppose I really did understand why women put themselves in these situations but really I just don't understand why they continue to put up with it for YEARS...

Tara - posted on 01/18/2010

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Tammy, there are many women who try to work things out and nothing happens nothing changes. so why continue to put yourself and your kids through the extra stress and pain? It's not worth it. Sometimes people need to walk away and it's not easy to walk away especially when you love someone. My fiance and I have had many issues and a lot of things we just don't agree on like house work. I do everything from all the housework to caring for the kids. I do it all and have since the day my first child was born. Sometimes it gets overwhelming women need help, some men just don't understand that. I haven't left him because of something like that, but if it were a reoccuring thing and nothing ever changed I do believe I would leave.

Tammy - posted on 01/18/2010

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I am one of those women, and recently posted the topic. "Why are men afraid of dishes". I believe in trying to work out our problems rather than running away from them. My mother went through 4 husbands, I don't really want to end up like her... me and my husband have been together for 13 years. it's so easy to just walk away from that. but sometimes I need advise on how to deal with things, which is kinda what this site is for isn't it?

Tara - posted on 01/18/2010

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I believe a lot of women stay in bad relationships because they believe that they don't deserve better. I was in 2 bad relationships before I finally realized that I didn't deserve that. I finally a man that does treat me right, respects me, always makes me feel good about myself and everything. I never had that before. I was always put down and cheated on, and everything. I believe a lot of it has to do with how the women grew up. but I agree with you. the women who complain when in these situations don't have the right to complain. All it takes is some effort and they can leave. There are so many men in the world, find one that will treat you right.

Linda - posted on 01/17/2010

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woman in this situation usually have low self esteem if they have friends or family that are encouraging that is a plus in letting them see what is wrong usually they have to learn this mistake on thier own and alot of the time it just recurs w/ the next partner until one day they wake up............... are do what I did with my ex after years of abuse I woke up one day and just about beat him to death w a pool stick vacumm cleaner pipe what ever I remember getting my hands on in those moments no man has ever abused me again and he went with another woman who put up w/ the same crap. so who learned the lesson here

Cindy - posted on 01/17/2010

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Some women may feel that they want it too work and that things can get better. Or they dont want there kids to not have there fathers in there lifes.

Arica - posted on 01/17/2010

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this was not supposed to be a post to bash on any women with these problems but more so of my way of wanting to tell you that you don't have to be in that relationship and suffer. My heart truly goes out to those who think they don't deserve better...

Danielle - posted on 01/17/2010

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i was SORTA one of those women,lol



I was 18 and with a 36yo. At the start it was great but gradually he became soo dominating and very derogatory towards me....He would put me down at any chance and then for a day treat me like a princess ( psychological abuse) and i stayed because he would b nice to me for a day and say he was sorry and he was angry, etc....He was also the ONLY guy who had EVER shown any real interest in me and seemed to want me for me and NOT for sex....what can i say, i was young.



Then at 19 i got pregnant and he seemed to change. then after my daughter was born he started drinking excessively again and became very verbally abusive.

As soon as i realised that he didnt give a damn about my daughter i was out!...she was 2 months old.

But if you have a child with them, if u leave doesnt mean it's over. My daughters father had my daughter for ONLY 2 hrs a week and that was ONLY like 3 times, because on the 3rd time he had her he gae her 2nd degree burns....he hasnt seen her since and i now have full custody.....



I think i lot of people stay because of their child. I mean who really wants tobe a single mum? it sucks and it's lonely. Especially if u are like me and live on your own....Some people will sacrifice anything to give their child a father figure ( even a bad one). Some womean think "so what if he hits me or verbally abuses me?...he loves his child, and his child loveshim" in that respect they stay to give their child a dad.

Simone - posted on 01/17/2010

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hi, i love what you have said. i no women like this. i don't feel sorry for ppl like that, if they put there kids 1st they would leave and make there lifes so much better. i've been in a relationship with my 1st daughter dad and he was a bastard, i tried my hardest to make it work, but i wasn't happy, so i walked away just to be strong within myself. i'm now in a really good and healthy relationship, were my kids are very happy and i have a man who loves me.

Autumn - posted on 01/17/2010

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I was in a really horrible situation for 5 years. I was 15 with a 22 year old. By the time I knew I was in something bad, it was to late. I felt so crappy I wanted to die. It was when I was pregnant with my 3rd child that he hit me. I was so happy when he hit me. It was my chance to get away. And I did. This stuff happens gradually and we do tend to get used to it. And the most horrible part is that it is really hard to notice the signs even after youve been there before. It is a lot easier to see it when your on the outside.

Jessica - posted on 01/17/2010

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Simple answer, Arica? They are with these men because they choose to.
Real answer, they don't know any better. And when they learn better, then they will do better. What concerns me is why this agitates you so bad that a woman decides to be with a man you may not think treats them well. There are two sides to that coin. And there really IS no clear answer as every woman's situation is different. I bet you have had days where you and your beloved didn't get along or had an issue too. Remember, a relationship is a whole lot of situations and perhaps for some women the pros outweigh the cons. Who is to really say? Right? I, personally, choose not to make assumptions based on only one side of a situation, unless that woman or her children is being beaten emotionally, physically or sexually. I guess we should stick to what we know, and that would be our own personal relationships. =)

Krista - posted on 01/17/2010

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Women stick around because they just don't realize how bad it is. I stayed with my ex for 14 years (about half good). What they tend to do is slowly isolate you from your family and friends. If you are one of these women...reach out to someone you trust. Find the strength and get out. I wish I did it years ago. Its hard to be on my own but my freedom is the reward and I am setting a great example now for my girls.

Katrina - posted on 01/17/2010

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I use to be a woman that would always say...I'll never be in that type of situation. Or...I would never put up with that sh*t from a man. Or...Why don't women just leave that loser alone...don't they know they can do better than that? And then it happened to me. I was in a physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive relationship. And it didn't start out that way. It was all great and happy and then little by little it got worse. I finally had to let go of the fact that it would never go back to the way it was in the beginning. A lot of women keep holding on to that..."If only it could be like it was when we first met." Now I have a wonderful husband who does anything and everything to help this marriage be a team effort. He's not afraid to pick up a broom or wash the dishes or start the laundry or even give the baby a bath if he knows that I've had a rough day. Visa Versa with me. If I see that I can tighten a screw on a loose handle, or clean up the back patio cause the dog made a mess, or wash the car because it's been a while...I'll do what I can. Any relationship that a person is in needs to be a partnership, a team effort, a respect for each other and what each can do for the other to make life easier and better.

Myra - posted on 01/17/2010

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In theory, I totally agree with you. In reality, it doesn't work that way, though. Relationships are reciprocal, too... A woman can no easier change the man in her life and the role he plays any easier than a man can change the woman in his life and the role she plays. They decided on these roles, and they will play them until they are done.

Tamara - posted on 01/17/2010

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MY OPINION ABOUT THT IS...SOME WOMEN WOULD RATHER DEAL W/ THT CAUSE ITS FAMILIAR. OR BECAUSE THT MAN HAS MENTALLY ABUSED THEM SO MUCH THT THEY REALLY THINK THEY COULDN'T GET ANYONE ELSE, COULDN'T DO ANYTHING W/O THT PERSON, OR THEY JUS AREN'T WORTH IT PERIOD. I MEAN IT IS ANOYING BUT SOME R CRYING OUT FOR HELP AND STRENGTH AND SUPPORT SO THEY CAN BE HAPPY W/ OR W/O THEM.

Margie - posted on 01/17/2010

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if you stay with a man that does not respect its cuz u dont respect yourself..our men are very simple creatures! they just do what you let them do. put your foot down and if he doesnt want to be a good man by your standards then you dont need him baby daddy or not!

Brittany - posted on 01/17/2010

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I mostly think it's b/c the woman thinks they can't do any better, or they think they can't make it on their own without that man!

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i agree with u!! stop moaning about it and do something about ur husbands not doin housework!! really bugs me 2 lol.

Ashley - posted on 01/17/2010

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I am like one of these women that you have mentioned. My oldest sons dad treated me like sh*t. I was with him for almost 2 years but still delt with him because I loved him to death. I also think I was with him because i was so young. I didnt know what a real man would treat me like. Finally my ex and I broke up when my son was 8 months old and when I look back, I wish him and I would of worked things out but than I also wished he would change and would of treated me better. Bottom line, some women dont think they can find anything better!!

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