Why does a 5 year not pay attention or follow directions?

Lisa - posted on 05/07/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I am really having trouble with my 5 year old. She is always getting in trouble or yelled at for various things she does that is not appropriate. (ect.. not looking both ways to cross the street, cleaning her room by the end of the night, not doing her homework, breaking items or losing them). Us as parents do discipline by taking toys and dress up things away and tell her she cannot get them back until she earns them back. Her attitude is she don't care. We do the check mark system and she knows if she does a a good deed, one check for ever good deed is off. But the minute she come home from school to the end of the night, she receives 4-6 marks every school day. On weekends, i stop counting. It's frustrating for us because we have tried everything and nothing seems to change. I believe she is too young for a therapist, and i do believe they will tell us we are the ones who cant cope. I believe she has a mental block or she is smart at playing games. I have spoken to her about some issues and her response is " I don't know" (all the time). If we ask for a simple task like put shoes away in the closet. she picks up the shoes immediately and throws them in the room and she knows they go in the closet. I cant take it, their are times i really don't want to communicate any more. I know she seeks too much attention, but she says we don't . Plz help for some advice?

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Amanda - posted on 05/07/2009

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As parents we have high expectations of our children being they best. And as everyone said she is only 5. But I totally agree they need dicipline and direction. My biggest fault is I am a perfectionist. So it was terribly hard for me to stop and look at it more from her vantage point. They do lose concentration from one room to the next. Oooh and I am still struggling now ith my 3.5 YO!!! They know what is expected from them. I applaud your efforts for teaching her responsibility. But dont be to hard on yourself or her. As someone suggested reward her good behaviour first. I did sticker charts, they loved getting the sticker and putting it next to her little chore. And soon it will get better. My oldest is now 7 and she is an awesome little chore doer. She makes her bed gets dressed and makes her breakfast and clears her place rinses her dishes in the morning. She also does her teeth and hair and packs her back pack. She cleans her room feeds the dog and helps with dishes or trash. She get $5 a week which she puts in three banks. Spend it now, short term savings and long term savings. She is learning to set goals and keep them with the long term savings. The short term lets her know that the long term is eventually coming and spend it now she has money to donate at church or to buy a trinket or book at school when she likes. She feels grown up to have her own money as well she feels in control that she chooses how to place her money in the banks each week. I always felt alot of their issues are control issues. they want to feel in control of their own lives. So find ways where they can. My 3 Yo picks her own clothes even when I am not compltely happy about how she looks it is her choice.

Melissa - posted on 05/07/2009

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You have to remember she is only 5yrs . At this age, they test boundaries & test you as parents... My best advice is stay consistent & calm - some concepts she should know what is right & what is wrong - others you need to repeativley teach... ie crossing the street - everytime you go to a street - YOU stop & ask her - what do we do when we cross the street - if she doesn't know , tell her again - until she can say it without hestitation & does it - You might sound like a broken record - this is when you have to remember she is 5 & may not get the concept of a car hitting her etc... For other concerns you are having - i.e. shoes throwing - you again, have to be calm, yet consistent with her when she does this - repeating to her - thats not where your shoes go, go pick them up & put them away... until she does it - it may take a hour - however if you want her to learn - then you have to put the time in & yes its frustrating... but, to a 5yr old - its not about you taking toys away - they will find something else to play with -- to them its about testing you - so if you give up & don't make her put her shoes away properly - then in her mind she's won... make sense - Trust me I have 3 of these little mosters... They are devious little creatures :)

Cindy - posted on 05/07/2009

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She is kinda young for some of your expatiations! But I have found that praise works better than trying to fight them. When she does something appropriate complement her on it, all her to feel she did something special, not something demanded of her. If her room looks good to you, express, Well sweety I thing your room looks great and I think I will help you a extra 15 minutes, doing something alone with her, like read a book, do homework, make a batch of cookies. Thats the issue I have today. Not enough Love or Respect is given to a child. They show it to you. Show it to them also!!

Kimberly - posted on 05/07/2009

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Really it's all a matter of looking at her age, she is only 5 u know!! I had the same problem with my 7 yr old when he was that age the only thing I can tell you is be patient, they will grow out of it as the years wear on, I have a second grader also she had the sam problems in Kindergarten by the time she reached the 2nd grade it was more an issue of her just plain being to social than anything else, they r going thru phases right now. She will get better I promise!!!

Kimberly - posted on 05/07/2009

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Really it's all a matter of looking at her age, she is only 5 u know!! I had the same problem with my 7 yr old when he was that age the only thing I can tell you is be patient, they will grow out of it as the years wear on, I have a second grader also she had the sam problems in Kindergarten by the time she reached the 2nd grade it was more an issue of her just plain being to social than anything else, they r going thru phases right now. She will get better I promise!!!

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