Why is it Assumed that Teenage Mums Are Bad Mums?

Martha - posted on 10/09/2009

I think your grouping people too much, being a grandmother myself, I'm aware that all people of all ages can be good or bad parents. Its up to you to decide what kind of parent you are going to be. Don't be so concerned about what others think about you, but what your children will say and feel about you when they grow up. Be the best parent you can be, love and be supportive of your children and realize that they are the most important people in the world, until you are finished raising them.

Steph - posted on 10/09/2009

ok so this has been a very interesting read, thats for sure. i had my first at 19 and he is now 7. i can understand where u all are comming from with your point of views, i never planed to have reece but i wouldn't change it at all. not to affend but i look at my boys and no that i will always be there for then and so will there grandparents. i am finding though that by having my children young it is giving not inly myself more time with them but also their grandparents. i must admit that i was not ready to have a child and that having a child was the last thing on my mind, but it changed me for the better. i ecame more responsible and buckled down. every thing now i do for my boys and to bo honnest i love doing it. somedays i wonder "what if?" but then i look at them and know that i wouldn't be the same person today that i am if they haddent come along.

te question of being a young mum dosn't boher me i believe that life will always be throughing challages at us and the fact that i was one was just another stepping stone in the learning curve.

Kaitie - posted on 10/09/2009

Quoting Sharon:

Quoting Kaitie:

To Sharon Grey: You are so very ignorant. When you have a child they are your life. I agree that teen pregnancy at 12, 14, 16 isnt an ideal situation for anyone but if the step up to the plate and take care of the child and find a way to finish school and work, I have the utmost respect for them. I havent lost any friends and things are how they were before I got pregnant. That's great that you are able to take care of your children and whatnot now, but, would you be able to go though everything that we went through? Watching your baby, who weighs 1 1/2 pounds get wheeled away from you with tubes down her throat and IVs coming out of her belly botton knowing that that could be the last time you see her alive? Walking into the NICU and having the doctors tell you that you need to start making arrangments because your baby is going to die. Getting calls because that baby has to have emergency surgery and that they couldnt wait for us to get there because if they waited any longer she would die. And watching her stop breathing and watching her heart rate drop. Could you see your child with a breathing tube down her throat with blood around her mouth? Could you leave your babys side knowing that when you leave you could be getting a call at anytime to tell you to come say goodbye? It doesnt matter if you're 12, 18 or 40, if you can go through all that and stay by your childs side and be strong for her, you're a good mom in my opinion.

LOL what do you want?  Kudos for doing what you're supposed???  My first born was also in the NICU although his condition wasn't as bad as your daughters.

I'm curious how you paid for it all?  My daughter recently had to go to the ER and then had to see a pediatrics neurologist.  Thousands and thousands of dollars and we're still paying for it.  We work hard and can't qualify for state help but you?  You might have worked a year or two but there is no way you paid into the system the 10s of thousands of dollars it cost to save your babys life.  But here, we need help and can't get it.  HUH - I wonder why I'm bitter about a bunch brats squirting out babies they can't pay for but the rest of us get to foot the bill.

 

So you think you're special for sticking by your sick kid?  KMA.  I've been through the NICU, ER, broken arms, potential head trauma - I'm not here bragging about it - I did it, I paid for it - I survived it and my kids survived it.

 

You think you're so hot because the goverment has been paying your bills.  LOL!!!!  Yeah - you're a woman and mom alright.  Way to go - sit on your ass and let someone else pay the bills.

 

Step up to the plate and take care of things.  What did you have to take care of exactly?  Did you have to beg your boss to let you use your co-workers donated sick days to sick next to your ill child?  Did you have freak out about buying groceries or paying for another medical test?  Did you have to juggle the electric payment versus medical bills?  Did you even have to pay for your babys' birth?  Don't make me laugh little girl.  You haven't done anything.  The government paid your way, your mommy & daddy paid your way.

Yeah, I admit that the government did pay for her hospital stay but if they hadnt we would have figured it out. Her hospital bills are multi-millions of dollars. You're just a stuck up bitch. My parents dont pay for anything. My boyfriend and I pay all our own bills and our daughters bills. We have never gone without and we've done it all by ourselves. You're an older woman and have more experiance than I do, I'm not dumb enough to think that I have more experiance than you. But I was 18 when I had my baby and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I dropped everything and moved to Portland, OR. to stick by my child... I didnt have to stay, I chose too... I could have very easily accepted what the docs said and I could have given up on my daughter but I never lost my faith and I never left her side.  You're stereotyping teen moms based on your ignornace. It would be the exact same thing if you were to say all black people steal or all mexican people are lazy, it's not true. Teen moms are just as good parents as older women, like yourself. Just FYI, we make too much for state help now too, so you're not any better then I am...

Annette - posted on 10/09/2009

I am 39 fastly approaching 40. My eldest is 22, I was 16 and a half when I conceived. It was all very tabu in those days. Completely ostracised, abandoned. I was told I would be taken into care and be forced an abortion. After a split lip.. penniless and nowhere to go, on friends floors etc, I even slept in the snow (this may have caused her mild spina bifida).

Hey definitely wasnt easy in those days scans were very lucid and peoples attitudes strong. But I am happy to say I have a 22 year old daughter that works, drives, is very passionate about her siblings and that she is one of the best. I rely on her and she me and we've walked a very hard path. Nowadays it is acceptable anything goes, maybe attitudes were there for a reason, to strive, and be worthy. If you get a bad look maybe it will make you think,,,,,,,,

Sandra - posted on 10/09/2009

i had my first child at15 now im 39 years old.and have 6 children and 3 granchildren.I coped very well havein my children young what i say if they can cope then let them have one.

ANGELICA - posted on 10/09/2009

TEENS are not yet equiped to handle what it takes to raise a child.

Kate CP - posted on 10/09/2009

Quoting Sarah:

exactly! everyone assumes that because we're young we're going to be bad parents, but that couldn't be further from the truth. sure there's probably a few deadbeats out there but the majority of us aren't. TO KATE CAPEHART: you have a mother don't you? therefore that makes you a child, whatever your age. bet you can't go through your family tree without finding someone who was eighteen or younger when they had a baby.

Uhm, I'm sure back in 1885 when the average life span was about 60 I had an ancestor some where who had a baby around 17-18 years of age. That girl would have also already been married for a few years and have a house and a family who supported her. My grandmother was 20, married and out of school when she had my mother. My mother was 29 when she had me, and I was 24 when I had my daughter. I don't know much about my father's side as he died when I was 3 months old and my mother hardly ever talks about him or his family. 

Now, when you are a TEENAGER that means you are not yet an adult. Teenagers are 13-19 and yes, those are still kids. Some may be more mature than others and some may just want to have fun. But they are all kids and if they are not in a stable relationship with their own place to live and means to support their child then they shouldn't have a baby. 

Tonya - posted on 10/09/2009

HEY U LIVE UR LIFE !!! ONLY GOD CAN REALLY JUDGE ANYONE..EVERYONE HAS THER VERY OWN OPINION, IT DOESNT MAKE THEM RIGHT SO KEEP DOING WHAT YOUR DOING THEIR IS NO SUCH THNIG AS A PERFECT PARENT..OLD OR YOUNG IT DOESNT MATTER.. YOU LEAN FROM UR MISTAKES AND MOVE ON THATS REALLY IT ... IT DOESNT COME WITH INSTUCTIONS ON HOW TO PARENT..LOVE LOVE LOVE EVERYDAY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT

Donn - posted on 10/09/2009

I was not a young mother, but was frowned upon by several people because I was a single mother and smoked. We were engaged, but rather than fight with the father, I choose to be single and my doctor recommended that I not quit smoking when I was pregnant, as it was hard on the baby. I did slow down though, I wish people would also not judge as they don't know what you are going through or where you are going with your life and plans. Please don't assume, it makes an ass out of u and me.

Amanda - posted on 10/09/2009

I'm glad the tone on this post has chilled out a bit. I think that in the end, we've all come to kind of the same place on this:

Teen parenting is hard. It's not ideal. It's more difficult to be a good mom with all of the issues that go along with being young.

But it's not impossible, and young moms who work at it are just as capable as any other mom, regardless of age.

So I guess thre is no good answer to the OP here. Teen moms are stereotyped for just the same reasons as any other minority group, because people don't look at situations on a case by case basis. It's something we'll always have to deal with, but we can focus on the unique positives that come from our situation! Not saying that there aren't a whole host of reasons that ending up a young mom is not perfect, but those of us who are dealing with it can think about all the great things that make up for the tough times.

Mel - posted on 10/09/2009

Removing the monetary suppost and the wisdom of just being older, a teenage mom is just as maternal as an older mom. Being mothers comes naturally to women of any age, that is part of being female in all living beings on this planet. I have to say that younger (not necessarily teens) moms have more patience with their children. Older moms seem more willing to let the kids do whatever they want. I was a teenage mom I did fine and I'm still married to the same person 32 years later and have 5 grandchildren, so when people prejudge young moms as irresponsible or inexperienced, Those are the people who have nothing better to do than spend time talking about something they know nothing about.

Maggie - posted on 10/09/2009

Hi Brooke.....I had my daughter at 18 yrs and now she is 43!!! However you are right that people judge you but all I know is that my daughter and me had a simply amazing relationship, we played together, we read together, we bought clothes together. What I didn't have in parenting experience I had in youth and exuberence....so hold your head up high and enjoy your child. I was 29 yrs when I had my next daughter and although we did things together there was none of the 'puppy' feel to it, it was more structured and I was more aware of what people around thought..which is a great shame. We still have a great relationship but wouldn't change having my daughter when I did.

Kay - posted on 10/08/2009

I havent read all the replies, so i appologize if you have heard this before. I remeber being 18, and I truely thought I was very mature, and no one could tell me anything I didnt already know! As a 38 year old, i can honestly look back and say...wow, i had so much to learn. The fact of the matter is, our maturity level increases the older we get, we have more life experiences on which to reflect. It's really something you cant understand, until your 38 (ish) all that is important now is that you love that baby and do what is right for him or her. Im sure you will make a great mum

Jodie - posted on 10/08/2009

SCARLETT: I'm not saying all teenage moms are bad moms. I was only giving you an example of why SOME people think that they are. I completely agree that regardless of age, anyone can be a good or bad parent, it just depends on their priorities. I don't think my daughter will ever be ready to be a real parent in the truest sense of the word. She does really well for short periods of time with her daughter, but can't maintain for significant amounts of time. She's just not mature enough and maybe never will be. I also believe that there are some people out there who NEVER should be parents, but that's another subject.

To all the teen moms who are doing their best and making their children the first priority in life, you have my ultimate respect and I hope you continue to do so...To the moms who can't or won't do that, at least find someone else who can!! These children did not ask to be here, we bring them here by choice.

Laura Jill - posted on 10/08/2009

Hi there - just a couple of thoughts about the whole young Mum thing. You're right - an awful lot of people do have a very harsh stance on "surprize" pregnancies that happen to young women. You're also right when you point out that young Mum's can be good Mum's. I think what a lot of people are trying to say (and I'm sorry that their statements tend to slam young Mum's, because that is not helpful at all) is that teenage parenting is going to be a tough slog. (As you know) parenting is tough. More established Mother's often (but not always) have more support networks in place to help them do the job - be it maternity benefits from a full time job so that you are less worried about the financial nuts and bolts of how to pay for a baby, or a live in spouse who is ready and enthusiastic about helping with the baby - allowing you to crash when the adrenaline is gone and you hit the wall. =D Throw in trying to finish up your own education and dealing with the negative crap that society dishes out to teen Mum's (it's hard on the psyche to deal with every day - no one likes dirty looks when you're on the bus or shopping at Wal-Mart) and you can see how people would think that it would be pretty hard to do a good job parenting when they have all this to deal with. That said - I think the most important thing to focus on is "who" is pregnant - what were they like/what are the circumstances that they find themselves pregnant in. A good student, who has a good family to support her and a loving boyfriend who is willing to stand by her is in a very different place than a party girl who doesn't want to give up her Friday night good times. Just as there are some adult women who are not well suited to becoming parents, there are teenagers who are not ready for the sacrifices that will be needed from them to do the job.

LEIGH ANNE - posted on 10/08/2009

Well darlin' let me tell you what I know from the good ole days of hearing my grandma talk (I'm only 40 yrs. old myself). If we look back in history,women actually got married as early as 14 or 15 and started having children right away. Somewhere through the years the stereotyping of good mom and bad moms came through and that's why young women get the bad wrap now! I don't know who THEY are that decided that a certain age to be a mommy was but I know that a child is a gift from God and we should treat them and their parents that way! We are all someones child! I love to see young moms and see the love and care that they put into their family. I was blessed with a girl 19 years ago and have been pregnant 3 times. I work in childcare and know what you mean when people stereotype because I hate it when people call what I do daycare. I love other peoples children and teach them while their moms work really hard to take good care of them. (There are always those few that give us all a bad name!) Don't take it personally - THEY just don't know any better! Teach your child different like I try to do and our next generations could be better than ever! God bless you and family! Love to chat about being a mom!

Sarah - posted on 10/08/2009

exactly! everyone assumes that because we're young we're going to be bad parents, but that couldn't be further from the truth. sure there's probably a few deadbeats out there but the majority of us aren't. TO KATE CAPEHART: you have a mother don't you? therefore that makes you a child, whatever your age. bet you can't go through your family tree without finding someone who was eighteen or younger when they had a baby.

Aisling - posted on 10/08/2009

i do agree that havin a baby later in life means you can support ur child better financially however i dnt tink age has anything to do wit how good of a mum u r.

Brooke - posted on 10/08/2009

Quoting Jodi:

Quoting Brooke:

Quoting Scarlett:

no i understand what your both saying and yes you both have good points and i realise that sharon is obviously set in her ways, i was just trying to make her aware that it could happen to her daughter and that if it does then she may need to have a change of heart about the situation. my parents in law were very against us having a child young but in the end they had to back down from their high horses and accept that this was going to happen, and now i've never met two more loving grandparents.

about the money argument though, i personally find nothing wrong with taking some money from the government, my partner works 12 hours a day 6days a week and thats not enough to support us, so of course we're going to take the gov money. Circumstances came up which required us to need help from the gov(ie having a baby) and we alike many others get hounded for doing it, but in this time in the world of global economic crisis, are people who are made redundant going to be hounded as well for taking gov money until they can get back on their feet and support themselves?
I understand that yes there are some who abuse this service but the gov has ways of weeding out the losers from the ones in general need.

i just dont understand how some people can see an issue so black and white, when there are so many shades of grey in between. Yes, young mums can be bad and yes young mums arent always prepared but that is not the case for all and this stream has proved it, i've read the whole thing and there are tons of young mums who accidentally got pregnant and are now better off than before having a child.....

where abouts do you live?? my partner works full time 40hrs a week and only brings home $33000 a year..

That's what I mean Brooke, LOL :)  You'd be better OFF as a single mother on all those benefits I outlined.  Ridiculous isn't it?  The system here makes it too easy..... You guys are doing great, and doing it right.  The system, however, needs to change.

yeah i know lol.. a lady i know has a 16 month old daughter, she is on like $1400 a fortnight... I dont get that in a month lol.. another person I know will be getting the same payments as me + her disability payments cause she is slow!!! lol

Brooke - posted on 10/08/2009

Quoting Billie:

Too all of the young moms on here talking about how great it is; would you tell your own teenager to try to have a family while a teenager?

Well actually if my daughter was in my position I wouldn't tell her to do it but if it were her decision then yes I would support how she felt.. As i have said before, I will never financially support a teenage mother but I will help her to figure out what she needs to do to give her child the best possible chance...

Brooke - posted on 10/08/2009

Quoting Kelly:

oh and one more thing.. you all keep saying dont have sex if you dont want to pay the price of having a baby. so are you therefore saying even married people should be celibate if they're not "financially and emotionally" ready to have a baby?? lol because anyone can get caught up in the "heat of the moment" at times and forget condoms or think "one time wont get me pregnant" which by the way it can as i was safe all times bar one.

no we are saying that at ant age if you are not in a secure relationship, not financially stable, do not have a home etc then DONT HAVE SEX!!!! it's that easy.. why have the chance of bringing an innocent child into the worl if you the parent can only give them love..

I'm sorry but a child does not just need love, they need shelter, clothes, food, medication etc..

People should have more self respect then to get caught up in the heat of the moment.. Sex is something you should be doing out of love, not just cause it's fun..

Jodi - posted on 10/08/2009

Quoting Brooke:

Quoting Scarlett:

no i understand what your both saying and yes you both have good points and i realise that sharon is obviously set in her ways, i was just trying to make her aware that it could happen to her daughter and that if it does then she may need to have a change of heart about the situation. my parents in law were very against us having a child young but in the end they had to back down from their high horses and accept that this was going to happen, and now i've never met two more loving grandparents.

about the money argument though, i personally find nothing wrong with taking some money from the government, my partner works 12 hours a day 6days a week and thats not enough to support us, so of course we're going to take the gov money. Circumstances came up which required us to need help from the gov(ie having a baby) and we alike many others get hounded for doing it, but in this time in the world of global economic crisis, are people who are made redundant going to be hounded as well for taking gov money until they can get back on their feet and support themselves?
I understand that yes there are some who abuse this service but the gov has ways of weeding out the losers from the ones in general need.

i just dont understand how some people can see an issue so black and white, when there are so many shades of grey in between. Yes, young mums can be bad and yes young mums arent always prepared but that is not the case for all and this stream has proved it, i've read the whole thing and there are tons of young mums who accidentally got pregnant and are now better off than before having a child.....

where abouts do you live?? my partner works full time 40hrs a week and only brings home $33000 a year..

That's what I mean Brooke, LOL :)  You'd be better OFF as a single mother on all those benefits I outlined.  Ridiculous isn't it?  The system here makes it too easy..... You guys are doing great, and doing it right.  The system, however, needs to change.

Brooke - posted on 10/08/2009

Quoting Scarlett:

no i understand what your both saying and yes you both have good points and i realise that sharon is obviously set in her ways, i was just trying to make her aware that it could happen to her daughter and that if it does then she may need to have a change of heart about the situation. my parents in law were very against us having a child young but in the end they had to back down from their high horses and accept that this was going to happen, and now i've never met two more loving grandparents.

about the money argument though, i personally find nothing wrong with taking some money from the government, my partner works 12 hours a day 6days a week and thats not enough to support us, so of course we're going to take the gov money. Circumstances came up which required us to need help from the gov(ie having a baby) and we alike many others get hounded for doing it, but in this time in the world of global economic crisis, are people who are made redundant going to be hounded as well for taking gov money until they can get back on their feet and support themselves?
I understand that yes there are some who abuse this service but the gov has ways of weeding out the losers from the ones in general need.

i just dont understand how some people can see an issue so black and white, when there are so many shades of grey in between. Yes, young mums can be bad and yes young mums arent always prepared but that is not the case for all and this stream has proved it, i've read the whole thing and there are tons of young mums who accidentally got pregnant and are now better off than before having a child.....

where abouts do you live?? my partner works full time 40hrs a week and only brings home $33000 a year.. But life isn't hard!! we dont have heaps of money but after sorting out a budget we do great, the money i get from benifits i spend on my daughter and my partner spends his money on the mortgage, car, insurance and our food..

no one is saying that you shouldn't be on benifits, they are just saying that no one should keep having children just to get the money...

Kimberly - posted on 10/08/2009

Sharon, I don't think being an older lady you should be talking in such a manner to someone so young. We should be showing what maturity actually is... not just saying we are more mature but actually proving that we are. I find your post sad to read as you are trying to make another person feel low about themselves. I hope that the girl you directed your comments will have good sense and not reply to such bullying. Also it is against facebook policy to use vulgar language.

Sharna - posted on 10/08/2009

Im 18 and i have a 6mnth old and he is the best thing in my life i love him and i was never interested in drinking or smoking... i walk down town and i get the bad looks. If you love your child and look after them then whats the problem??? after having my son i grew up alot but i would never change anything... my son is a blessing to me and my family... everyone is in a different situation so unless you know whats going on with these people why not give them a break... yeah it was not the smartest thing i did falling preg at 17 but the smartest thing i did was own up, to what had happened and i took responsibility for me and my kid.... no matter what anyone will say to me i will still love him and i wil do alli can to make sure he is happy and healthy.... thats what counts to me.. not age

Sharon - posted on 10/08/2009

Quoting Kaitie:

To Sharon Grey: You are so very ignorant. When you have a child they are your life. I agree that teen pregnancy at 12, 14, 16 isnt an ideal situation for anyone but if the step up to the plate and take care of the child and find a way to finish school and work, I have the utmost respect for them. I havent lost any friends and things are how they were before I got pregnant. That's great that you are able to take care of your children and whatnot now, but, would you be able to go though everything that we went through? Watching your baby, who weighs 1 1/2 pounds get wheeled away from you with tubes down her throat and IVs coming out of her belly botton knowing that that could be the last time you see her alive? Walking into the NICU and having the doctors tell you that you need to start making arrangments because your baby is going to die. Getting calls because that baby has to have emergency surgery and that they couldnt wait for us to get there because if they waited any longer she would die. And watching her stop breathing and watching her heart rate drop. Could you see your child with a breathing tube down her throat with blood around her mouth? Could you leave your babys side knowing that when you leave you could be getting a call at anytime to tell you to come say goodbye? It doesnt matter if you're 12, 18 or 40, if you can go through all that and stay by your childs side and be strong for her, you're a good mom in my opinion.

LOL what do you want?  Kudos for doing what you're supposed???  My first born was also in the NICU although his condition wasn't as bad as your daughters.

I'm curious how you paid for it all?  My daughter recently had to go to the ER and then had to see a pediatrics neurologist.  Thousands and thousands of dollars and we're still paying for it.  We work hard and can't qualify for state help but you?  You might have worked a year or two but there is no way you paid into the system the 10s of thousands of dollars it cost to save your babys life.  But here, we need help and can't get it.  HUH - I wonder why I'm bitter about a bunch brats squirting out babies they can't pay for but the rest of us get to foot the bill.

So you think you're special for sticking by your sick kid?  KMA.  I've been through the NICU, ER, broken arms, potential head trauma - I'm not here bragging about it - I did it, I paid for it - I survived it and my kids survived it.

You think you're so hot because the goverment has been paying your bills.  LOL!!!!  Yeah - you're a woman and mom alright.  Way to go - sit on your ass and let someone else pay the bills.

Step up to the plate and take care of things.  What did you have to take care of exactly?  Did you have to beg your boss to let you use your co-workers donated sick days to sick next to your ill child?  Did you have freak out about buying groceries or paying for another medical test?  Did you have to juggle the electric payment versus medical bills?  Did you even have to pay for your babys' birth?  Don't make me laugh little girl.  You haven't done anything.  The government paid your way, your mommy & daddy paid your way.

Kimberly - posted on 10/08/2009

When I was a teen a couple of my friends got pregnant and had babies. They were wonderful mothers and still are. No matter what we do in life there is always someone out there to judge us. This is just one example of it. When you get past your teen years you will realize one day that you really could give a rats behind what other people in the world think of you and all the matters is how you judge yourself. Teen mothers have an advantage too because your young when you have a child you get to live more of your life with your kids rather than an older woman who may not be so lucky. I know a woman who died of a major heart attack at the age of 40 who was in perfect health didn't drink or smoke and she left behind 2 little girls. Not saying it was bad of her to have children for anyone who may take that personally.. I am just saying that there is no perfect age to have kids. Also many many years ago people got married super young and had kids. Today it has just been reversed seems like.

Nina - posted on 10/08/2009

I am a mother of 2 beautiful disciplined little girls. I am currently pregnant with my third child and I am 24 years old. My children are lacking nothing in life. They have everything the need clothes food a roof rules morals and discipline and most importantly LOVE. I am a proud young mother. I still get looks as well and I learned to turn the other cheek. My children speak for themselves. When we are in the grocery store they are the kids walking quietly next to their mother,my children see the "bad kids" as they say and they dont understand how kids can act that way in public,I tell my children they have bad parents. Good parents dont allow their children to run around like animals yell scream and through tantrums. My children say yes ma'am no sir please thank you. I also had my first child at 18. I AM ALL FOR GOOD YOUNG MOTHERS!!!

Kylie - posted on 10/08/2009

I was a young Mum and had my son when I was 17. He is now 16yrs old and a wonderful boy, I just love him to bits and always have I am very proud of him, we have a fantastic open relationship, where he can talk to me about anything. I have a fantastic supportive family and I am now married with two more boys aged 3 and 1 and to be honest I found it easier, being a young solo mum to one than I do to two preschoolers and thats with a husband!! Theres heaps of great young mums out there doing the best they can and I think it all comes down to priorities and having them in the right order. People seem to forget that there is alot of bad parents out there who are not young! I think if you have a supportive family to back you then thats a bonus for sure. Support for young Mums!!!

Tinker - posted on 10/08/2009

i'm 52, i was a teen mom of 3 boys, 1 was my own, 1 was my foster son, 1 was my youngest brother (after daddy died mom couldn't cope with him), none of them were "mistakes". we had some hard times but no bad times, i think that was because we were close enough in age to see each other's view of things, would i do it again? in a heart beat, i had my 2nd son when i was 30, would i wait that long if i had to do it over? NO! with good luck, common sense and a few guardian angels i raised them all to be decent responsible men. they still "check-in"every once in a while to say "I luv ya mom" and let me know how they're doing.

no, my parents did not help me, i raised the boys by myself. i did quit school then went back for a GED. i don't consider myself to be uneducated or ignorant. being a mom is a full time 24/7 job and everything else takes second place. you have to keep a good attitude about yourself, your situation and always do what you know is right .

keep your self respect, your honesty, your dependability, your ability to accept resopnsibility for what you have done, add a good dose of common sense and pass these on to your children. best advice is to set your alarm for 60 minutes earlier in the morning so you have a bit of "me" time, it does help the days go better, remember

there are accidents (something you didn't want) and surprise ( something you wanted

but didn't expect). children are surprises, and they will keep surprising you the rest of your life so just do your best and ask for help only if you need it.

Safiyyah - posted on 10/08/2009

TEENAGE MOMS R MOST LIKEY TO RAISE THIERE CHILD(REN) JUST AS GOOD AS A 40YAR OLD WOMEN.THE ONLY DOUT THEM BECAUSE THEY DONT HAVE SUPPORT, FAITH, AND BELEIVE THAT THE CAN DO IT BECAUSE THEY ARE YOUNG BUT SOME TEENAGE AGE MOTHERS NEED THAT TO DO IT.TEENAGE MOTHER ARE DOING JUST AS WELL AS ANYBODY ELSE..IF THE PARENTS WONT EXCEPT THE FACT THAT THEY CAN DO NEITHER IS THE MOM.NO SUPPORT NO HELP..WHO ELSE CAN THE TURN TOO.U WASNT THERE TOO TALK TO YOUR DAUGHTERS ABOUT IT SO NOW THEY JUDGE THE WAY WE RAISE OR CHILD(N)WEN THEY NOT DOIN NOTHIN AT ALL TO HELP.SO THEY CANT JUDGE NOBODDY BUT THEMSELVES BECUZ YOUR PROBLEM SHOULD BE MINES.ANIF WE WORK IT OUT THEN LESS PROBLEM.

Maria - posted on 10/08/2009

Honey, it's plain stereotyped. Don't worry about what people think. You know you're a good mum, and you raise your child the best way you can. Motherhood is like an OJT, you learn everything hands-on, the books serve only as guidelines from others' experiences. I know a lot of young responsible mothers and they came out fine! When you get to be in your 40s, like myself, then you'll look back and say it wasn't all that bad after all.

Leaha - posted on 10/08/2009

you can be a bad mom at any age so the same goes for being a good mom some girls do have kids when they are kids, but a lot of times they are great moms regardless of age

Kaitie - posted on 10/08/2009

I've known both good and bad teen moms. I happen to be one of the good ones. I had my daughter at 18 and her dad was 19 and we were not ready to be parents but we had every intention of taking care of the baby the best we can. Our daughter was born at 25 weeks which is about 3 1/2 months early. She was in the hospital for 129 day. She had 4 surgeries and we were told she wasnt going to make it multiple times. Throughout everything we stuck by her and stayed strong and that made us grow up so much. Yeah, there are things that we will miss out on but at the end of the day our daughter is the only one that matter. As long as she's happy and healthy, which she is. I didnt think I would be a good mom at this age and neither did anyone else in my family but I proved them wrong. Victor (My daughters dad) and I are both working and taking care of Gabrielle. We both finished high school and I plan to start college via online classes this spring to continue my education. To Sharon Grey: You are so very ignorant. When you have a child they are your life. I agree that teen pregnancy at 12, 14, 16 isnt an ideal situation for anyone but if the step up to the plate and take care of the child and find a way to finish school and work, I have the utmost respect for them. I havent lost any friends and things are how they were before I got pregnant. That's great that you are able to take care of your children and whatnot now, but, would you be able to go though everything that we went through? Watching your baby, who weighs 1 1/2 pounds get wheeled away from you with tubes down her throat and IVs coming out of her belly botton knowing that that could be the last time you see her alive? Walking into the NICU and having the doctors tell you that you need to start making arrangments because your baby is going to die. Getting calls because that baby has to have emergency surgery and that they couldnt wait for us to get there because if they waited any longer she would die. And watching her stop breathing and watching her heart rate drop. Could you see your child with a breathing tube down her throat with blood around her mouth? Could you leave your babys side knowing that when you leave you could be getting a call at anytime to tell you to come say goodbye? It doesnt matter if you're 12, 18 or 40, if you can go through all that and stay by your childs side and be strong for her, you're a good mom in my opinion.

Brandi - posted on 10/08/2009

I am en elementary teacher. I believe it is fair to say that there are good moms and bad moms regardless of age. It is nice to see people doing their very best when parenting. I have seen mothers whose priorities do not include their children.
Thank you to all the mothers who do their best!

Billie - posted on 10/08/2009

Too all of the young moms on here talking about how great it is; would you tell your own teenager to try to have a family while a teenager?

Billie - posted on 10/08/2009

I was a teenage mom at 17. I think I tried my hardest BUT, I had to depend on my parents financially for the first 3-4 years. I was a good mom emotionally but never really got the point of being too young until I was older. I waited another seven years and after marriage to have another child. My two youngest sons are 12 & 14. I would not reccomend to either of them to have a child in the next five years. I am not saying that young moms are bad moms, I am saying teenage mom are not ready financially for a child. My parents were happy to get a grandchild but they also had to give up an additional 3-4 years of thier lives for my irresponsibility. How fair was that for them? When I was a teen, I didn't see the un-fairness of it. Now that I am 39 with my own teenagers, I see things more clearly, it was very un-fair.

Louise - posted on 10/08/2009

Quoting Sharon:

omg - not all teenage mothers are BAD mothers. For christs sake - are you on the rag?
What is your problem?

IN GENERAL teens are not emotionally mature enough to take all the responsibilities that come with raising a baby. They miss out on the party days, the carefree days, the time of exploration and self exploration. They miss out on their education - usually. They miss out on LIFE.

When you have a baby - your baby is your life. EVERYTHING else comes second to the baby. Look at all the posts here from "young mums" who have made a COLOSSAL mistake in having a child with a monster. They have NO FINANCIAL recourse except to take it up the ass from the legal system.

They don't have colleagues to vouch for them, they've got their teen friends to stand up in court - if they have any after the baby is born. Its not that their friends don't like them any more - but their lives are different.

If my husband walked out on us right now, I could get a job with a law firm, CPAs office, hotel management. (go figure) and support myself, 3 kids and this house.

Could you? We own our house, all our vehicles are paid for - no payments at all, I have 2007 suburban that was my birthday present.

My life isn't perfect. We're humans and have issues. We fight & argue.

But glorifying teen pregnancy - I'll never do it. I'm not thrilled when a teen mom graduates highschool - it should never have been an issue. I'm glad they did it though.

My best friend had her first when she was 14, she's in her 30s now and struggling through college while juggling her kids. She's doing awesomely. She's the first to say that having a child at 14 is WRONG.

What do you want us to say? YAY you're knocked up at 12, 14, 16 ???? WTF? Its not a blessing its HELL! On everyone. Babies are awesome. Babies are expensive. College funds are expensive. Diapers are expensive and the stress of dealing with the jerkoff boyfriends, their families etc? omg

Gives me a headache just imagining it.

I had my son when I was 18, he is the best thing in my life. I was already finished school but i went on to do night courses and part time courses I finished a course that should have taken 2 years in just 14 months and am currently in my final year to become a teacher. I was definately mature enough and responsible enough I did all my studies at night and part time to have as much time as possible with my son. He has pushed me to do all this to make the best life possible for him. I might not have a lot of money or get cars as birthday presents but it doesn't make me any less of a mother and I dont think my age does either!!!! So sick of young mothers getting a bad rap age has nothing to do with it some people are good parents some aren't regardless of age or money!

Ainsley - posted on 10/08/2009

Hi just thought i would put my opinion in. I had my baby girl at 17 she is now 14 months old yes i was young but i had finished school done my gcse's i even started college,i am still with my boyfriend now,he works full time we dont do drugs and we dont drink.the only help we get off the government is child benefit and child tax credits we dont get housing benefit or help with council tax we pay for it ourselves,i dont ask my parents for money i dont even ask them to babysit in fact i dont even live near them they live in manchester i live in gloucester,the house we are in is from a housing association yes but we didnt get it straight away just cos i was pregnant we lived in a caravan for 2 years before we got this house we only moved in this year but am i complaining no i am happy the way i am and i shouldnt have to feel guilty for having a family because of my age my friends who have children all have a family together and they shouldnt feel guilty either,all these people you hear about that social services deal with they arent all young mums are they i certainly dont have social services watching my every move because i am a good mum i look after my child i have a loving relationship with my partner i have a roof over our heads and i Love being a mum.i know not all teenage mums are as lucky as i am and i do agree if you arent ready for a child then use protection obvioulsy accidents happen and sometimes it cant be helped but there is no need to think every young mum is a bad mum we do just as well as mums any other age and all i can say is its a shame some people feel tht way about us but in the end i dont really care what you think of me as far as i know you dont know me so what you think doesnt matter i know im a good mum and i know i pay my own way and i know my daughter is going to get a better childhood then i ever had because if anyone has been through what i have they would do exactly the same

Aliska - posted on 10/08/2009

I agree. There are bad parents at any age. Some people are more mature at 16 than others are at 40. There is good and bad points about having kids at any age. We tend to focus on the negative with teen parents like potential lack of maturity, responsibility etc but what about the positives like the boundless energy, optimism and open-mindedness. Unplanned pregancies are undesirable at any age and I would be as worried as any other mum if my girls became teen mums or my son a teen dad but then when I think of all the things we parents worry about with teens there's so many worse things....Give me an unplanned teen pregnancy anyday over drug addiction, fatal car acidents, eating disorders, cancer, the list goes on. The media is quick to jump on teen mums and complain that they are wasting our welfare dollars but are very quite about middle age women desparately trying to get pregnant and using a large chunk of our health budget to do so!

Kelly - posted on 10/07/2009

oh and one more thing.. you all keep saying dont have sex if you dont want to pay the price of having a baby. so are you therefore saying even married people should be celibate if they're not "financially and emotionally" ready to have a baby?? lol because anyone can get caught up in the "heat of the moment" at times and forget condoms or think "one time wont get me pregnant" which by the way it can as i was safe all times bar one.

Kelly - posted on 10/07/2009

Quoting Jodi:

Quoting Kelly:

Yeah just as I have to go back to work in January as the benefit really isn't that generous. I'm not going to be one of the stereotype mums who don't work because they don't feel like it or don't think they should have to if the government will pay for them. I'm sure there are many immature adults who do the same thing. Noone gets what they want, thats pretty much a fact. I'm not saying anyone should get exactly what they want cause if they did frankly i think thats just selfish. I put my daughter first above all she gets what she wants before i get what i want and im happy doing that. i love her to pieces and would do anything for her. im going back to work so a) im not just getting by on the benefit and that i have a comfortable and stable income that pays for my daughter and all the bills and food. b) to give my daughter a proper home, not living with my dad (which i do pay my own way, by the way, im not relying on him to pay for me), as i am going to start saving for a house when i go back to work and c) i want to be fully independent and im working towards all of that and very happy with my life.

Kelly, that's why I said I wasn't necessarily referring to you :)  But as you have stated here, you don't want to be one of the stereotype mums.  Unfortunately, it is the stereotype mums that are more the norm, not the exception, and they are the reason people tend to stereotype teenage mothers. No-one should stereotype, but we all do it sometimes.  Even you, a teenage mum yourself, referred to the stereotype mum and not wanting to be one :)

The stereotype is a BIG reason children shouldn't be having children.... 

You say there that children should not be having children. I am not a child. I dont class 18 as being a child. Even if it may be "young" noone can fully be emotionally ready for a baby.. They don't come with manuals you cant know what to do all the time. All children are different and develop at different stages so no older mother could be any more prepared than a younger mother for whats to come if youve never done it before. And im only saying stereotype because thats the way people have made it.. people think all young mums are incapable to care for a child.. I am a good mum to my daughter, I can financially support me and her, i was born to be a mum when my sister had her baby she would bring her over if she was stressed and within ten minutes with me i could get her to go to sleep. i am so comfortable around babies it seems natural to me (almost like ive done it before) im not saying im perfect because i have to call my sister up for help if i cant figure out what to do about things, but even though i am finacially doing well and stable in every aspect people still look down on me.. just because im young. they dont know that im coping extremely well, they dont know my situation, they dont know if im on the benefit or not, they only look down on us because of our age.

Scarlett - posted on 10/07/2009

Sharon you need to stop being rude, yes we all have our own opinions but your the only person on here calling people names and being insensitive. no we dont know your story and your dont know ours. Sharon you need to learn to express yourself in the right way because at the moment your message isnt getting across because you're just being down right rude. Now you need to realise that everyone on this website has their own views and the right to express them and that they are not idiots or anything else for expressing their feelings.
and birth control(the pill) only has a 99% chance of working which makes it seem like its foolproof but there are millions of women who take the pill and one percent of 10million people is a hundred thousand, so the facts are there, some people do get pregnant when they use contraceptives and the reason you cant sue or shouldn't sue is because they only have a 99% success rate which inevitably means that there will be some women that take the pill and still fall pregnant. i think you owe an apology to every women in the world that did fall pregnant while using the pill, because what you said was insensitive and just plain mean.

Sharon - posted on 10/07/2009

Amanda - I will not always think poorly of anyone with an unplanned pregnancy. You are making assumptions and taking this conversation WAY out of bounds.

And rape??? HOW FUCKING DARE YOU try to compare your idiot self to a rape victim.

I've always said idiots abound in every age group and good gosh - your posts are more proof.

And the "I was on birth control." If I believed that claim every time I heard it - you all should get together and sue birthcontrol companies for LYING.

Accidents happen - but they shouldn't be happening at the rate that they are. You're just embarrassed you screwed up and are trying to make everyone believe you didn't screw up.

Some people here know my own story - you don't. You're just another hysterical drama queen begging attention. Get over yourself.

Amanda - posted on 10/07/2009

I guess I can see that Sharon will always think poorly of anyone with an unplanned pregnancy. I wonder if she feels the same way about people who have babies out of rape (who probably didn't have a chance to tell the man to put a "FUCKING CONDOM" on) or girls like me, who were responsibly taking their birth control and using condoms, and somehow managed to be in that .02% of women who got pregant anyway. I have a feeling that teens are not the only ones who these situations happen to, and I wonder if she is similarly intolerant towards any woman who ends up in a situation, as I'm sure that not all women over the age of 20 are prepared to deal with the reality of having a child either.

Scarlett - posted on 10/07/2009

Jodie W- Im sorry to hear that your daughter isnt hands on with her child and i understand what you and many others are trying to convey to me. if you read through this stream though, you'll realise that those with views positive towards young mums, will not hear any bad said against them, and then there's those who have negative views toward young mums and they keep pushing the argument without wanting to see the other side.

all i'm trying to say is that both sides are completely right and wrong at the same time. The only way to figure out who's a good mum and not is to get to know that person, it doesnt matter whether your 18 or 48 some people are just not going to cope and some with thrive and never look back. there are people out there who wait to have a baby they have a career and a marriage and a mortgage before baby and then baby comes and they dont cope then there are young mums who turn out to be the best mum ever.



JODI- thats what i was saying that yes some abuse it, and i dont but i still like many others are shunned for taking it, see what i'm getting at?

Jodi - posted on 10/07/2009

Quoting Scarlett:

I understand that yes there are some who abuse this service but the gov has ways of weeding out the losers from the ones in general need.

Unfortunately, Scarlett, the government doesn't always have the teeth you think it does.  Its kind of like our Child Support Agency carries on about making parents pay child support, and the measures it will take.  Well, that's a load of crap, because my ex hasn't paid his full child support, for 3 years, and they are doing jack shit about it.

Scarlett, collecting SOME government help is a different thing.  You have a partner who is working hard to try and support his family.  We all occasionally need that government assistance.  It is when you RELY on it as a primary support that it is a problem.  And while you, and others don't, there are many that do. 

Jodie - posted on 10/07/2009

I have a 16 year old daughter and a 19 month old granddaughter. I also have a 10 year old daughter who helps more with her niece (who I have permanent guardianship of) more than the 16 year old mother does. I thought that since my youngest child was 10 years old, it would be time for me to do some things for myself (like going back to college to work on my Bachelor's degree). While I AM back in school, it is with juggling the fact that I basically became "mom" again, 10 years after I had my last child.

If my 16 year old daughter had any interest in her 19 month old daughter, maybe things would be different. But she is more concerned with her social life than with her child. She does not even ask if I will babysit or if I have plans before she leaves to spend time with her friends. Some of her friends pay more attention to her child than she does!

Just giving you an example of the reasons some people have a problem with teen moms. I, too, had a child when I was 18 years old and gave up everything to take care of her. She became my first priority from the moment I found out I was even pregnant with her. She just seems unable to do the same for her own child.

Scarlett - posted on 10/07/2009

no i understand what your both saying and yes you both have good points and i realise that sharon is obviously set in her ways, i was just trying to make her aware that it could happen to her daughter and that if it does then she may need to have a change of heart about the situation. my parents in law were very against us having a child young but in the end they had to back down from their high horses and accept that this was going to happen, and now i've never met two more loving grandparents.



about the money argument though, i personally find nothing wrong with taking some money from the government, my partner works 12 hours a day 6days a week and thats not enough to support us, so of course we're going to take the gov money. Circumstances came up which required us to need help from the gov(ie having a baby) and we alike many others get hounded for doing it, but in this time in the world of global economic crisis, are people who are made redundant going to be hounded as well for taking gov money until they can get back on their feet and support themselves?

I understand that yes there are some who abuse this service but the gov has ways of weeding out the losers from the ones in general need.



i just dont understand how some people can see an issue so black and white, when there are so many shades of grey in between. Yes, young mums can be bad and yes young mums arent always prepared but that is not the case for all and this stream has proved it, i've read the whole thing and there are tons of young mums who accidentally got pregnant and are now better off than before having a child.....

Brooke - posted on 10/07/2009

Quoting Scarlett:

Quoting Sharon:

I'm not sure about shunned but I don't want you as an example to my daughter.  I HOPE like hell this doesn't happen to my daughter.  I hope like hell she knows how to take a pill a every day.  I hope like hell she is woman enough to tell her boyfriend to PUT A FUCKING CONDOM on.  I hope I hope I hope.  I strive & I teach toward that end.

 

with an attitude like that i hope like hell that when karma comes to bite you on the backside that your daughter is woman enough to tell her mother that no she didn't put a FUCKING CONDOM on and no she didn't take the pill and guess what "i'm pregnant MOM"

googd luck with that one, Sharon. 

 

 

You have to understand one thing Scarlett.. Sharon is just saying that no teenager should have to have the resonsibility of raising a child wether it is planned or not. No matter what you say you are not going to change her mind about this subject.. If you dont like what she says then please just ignore her but remember she has some very good points.

I do agree with what she says, put a condom on!! or better yet if you dont have a place to support your child, if you have to rely on that fortnightly payment off the government, or rely on your parents or family then YOU SHOULD NOT BE HAVING SEX!!!