Why is my daughter so crazy and mean with me and not my husband?

Julie - posted on 04/27/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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We have been through a lot this last year but things have finally settled down everything has been great as a family of four but my 3 1/2 year old is getting out of control. She is hitting the babysitter, kicking the dog, not listening and just not being nice. At school she is selective to which teachers she will listen to as well. She is being super mean to me and not my husband....she will ask for chocolate milk 10 times in a row and each time I will tell her no, giving a reason at first but not after the second time. I know she is super tired but it is had to get her to bed before 9. Tonight I got her down at 8:20! Why does she give me so much trouble? I am also the disciplinarian, my husband is the nicest and coolest dad a girl could have. Help....

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Catalina - posted on 04/27/2012

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I'm afraid the last sentence of your post probably explains your problem! It's hard being the bad guy.

When you discipline your daughter does your husband back you up?

She needs to know that two of you are a team, that's the only way things will get better!



For example: she hits the babysitter, you need to be able to say "that is unacceptable behavior and your loosing privileges." and you need your husband to say "mommy is right, if you dont change and drop these bad habits you're going to be in serious trouble"



Right now, i'm guessing, in her eyes every one is mean, except for daddy, if one of the main adults in her life always give her what she wants then everyone else is the bad guy, daddy needs to get on team discipline.



I hope this rambling makes sense, I'm exhausted! :)

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Catalina - posted on 04/27/2012

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No problem!! Yes it's really important the you and hubby are a team. Good luck!

Julie - posted on 04/27/2012

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I will try the reward system, I have tons of stickers. I let her cry it out a few weeks ago....we didn't go out to get ice cream bc she was so icky that night. She literally cried for over an hour. Husband couldn't stand it and brought her down stairs to try to talk it out and make he rclean up her mess which was where the tantrum began. I just think we need to let her cry it out and stop trying to make her happy all the time. Husband and I need to get it together and stick together. Thanks for your help!!!!!

Julie - posted on 04/27/2012

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I will try the reward system, I have tons of stickers. I let her cry it out a few weeks ago....we didn't go out to get ice cream bc she was so icky that night. She literally cried for over an hour. Husband couldn't stand it and brought her down stairs to try to talk it out and make he rclean up her mess which was where the tantrum began. I just think we need to let her cry it out and stop trying to make her happy all the time. Husband and I need to get it together and stick together. Thanks for your help!!!!!

Catalina - posted on 04/27/2012

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I would keep trying time outs, but maybe shut her in her room, I know this sounds some what sick but the goal is kind of to make her cry. Or at least scream. you need to know that she is aware she is being punished.

It seems with most little ones there primary goal is attention, so absolutely no negative or positive attention for sassy-ness.

You could also try a rewards system, a gold star chart for good behavior, and a gift or a date with mommy for 10 good behavior stars.

Julie - posted on 04/27/2012

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It makes total sense.....what r the consequences though. She is so sassy. Time outs don't work bc she gets right up and I physically can't keep putting her back. Ihave explained to my husband that she needs to learn disappointment bc that is a part of life. It seems he is always trying to make her happy. I have actually told him I am a little jealous at how nice he is to her, I know that is silly. It it's the truth. When she is mad and upset he stays as calm as a clam and try's to find out what she wants.....he never gets mad or reacts to her and I am very reactive which is something I have really been working on and have gotten much better.

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