Why is my husband not affictionate anymore?

Jovan - posted on 04/25/2012 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I am a wife and a new mom to a 4 month old baby girl. After having her my husband has distaceed himself from me and isnt affectionate like he use to be. He pushes me away when I just want to hug him or even kiss him. Is there something wrong with me or him.

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Sarah - posted on 04/25/2012

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If he's told you it has to do with his deployment, then it has nothing to do with you. Maybe he's traumatized? Perhaps he'd be willing to attend counseling to help him work out his feelings. It's hard when you've just had a baby to feel good about yourself and your body and it's natural to feel less attractive. I'm sure this isn't helping, but really try to see that if he's having a hard time dealing with what he may have seen, this has nothing to do with you. It's not about how attractive you are or how nicely you're dressed. It's about him. Please encourage him to seek help. Maybe marriage counseling will help as well. Good luck.

Brittney - posted on 04/25/2012

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My husband did the same thing, I assume it was just the birth of a baby that turns him away. Maybe he saw you in pain and doesn't want to hurt you. You're not doing anything wrong. Some things just take time to get back to how they were (at least some things back to how they were.)

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Sarah - posted on 04/26/2012

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You're welcome Jovan. I hope he is able to get past the memories that haunt him.

Jovan - posted on 04/25/2012

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Well I asked him why he wasn't loving towards me. He says itnmay have todo with his deployment. He's been home since dec. now I thought the birth of our baby and having her around now would bring us closer but he's been very distant. I tried hugging him today and yet again I was pushed away. It really hurts my feeling. I feel he's pushing me further and further and soon there will be no more passion in our marriage. I even feel I'm not good enough any more and feel very unattractive at times no matter how nicely dressed I am. I don't feel good enough.

Sarah - posted on 04/25/2012

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He might feel differently about you since the birth and seeing your girly bits different than before. He may also be overwhelmed with the new responsibilities on him. He may also just be wanting to give you space because he's worried about you thinking he just wants to jump on you and is waiting for you to initiate affection so he knows you're ready. I would just sit down and talk with him. Early parenthood can be really tough on a marriage, but if you stop communicating, it can be disastrous. Tell him you miss his affections. Hug him and kiss him. Try and connect with him together. You won't really know why unless you ask and it takes 2 people to make a marriage work.

Bonnie - posted on 04/25/2012

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I agree with Brittney. It could also be that he is overly tired and stressed.

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