why use childcare if u dont work?

Rikki - posted on 04/06/2010 ( 38 moms have responded )

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im sorry but im a lill lost with this one seems so many stay at home mums put there kids in childcare...i cant say i understand it...all i hear is ohh they need to socialise or get redy for kinder or they get bored..what eva happend to play dates ? playgroup ? activity centers ? and maby playing with your kids so they dont get bored..and i realy dont understand the excuse, they need to get redy for kinder as 3yo kinder is only for a few hours im sure they can handel a few hours without being in childcare from 6am to 6pm to get them redy ?

this may sound harsh but if u wanted someone elce to look after your kids why did u have kids ? and isnt it better to leve spaces in childcare for the familys who cant stay at home and have to work ? maby its just me but can anyone explain why you would put your kids in child care if you dont have to work ?

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Brandi - posted on 04/06/2010

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I agree. Childcare is very expensive and it is a poor substitute for a loving mother (though I do understand that it may be the ONLY option for a family with 2 parents working outside of the home). My 4 year old daughter is at school (preschool) 2 days a week in the afternoon only and I believe that she is socialized enough for kindergarten. I send her to school because she does get bored being at home (even playing with me isn't as exciting as it used to be lol) and LOVES to go, but for her age right now I am certain that 6 hours/ week is PLENTY of time to be away from me. Her teacher also told me that when children have a brother or sister, they are often better prepared for school as they are forced to figure out how to get along with another person NON STOP lol. I MAYBE could understand a stay home mom taking her child to daycare for a few hours a week to run essential errands more easily (though my errands usually wait until later at night while my husband is home and the kids are in bed OR on weekends while my husband can stay home while I'm out). As for dumping your kids at daycare for 12 hours while you do WHAT?!!!!??? I don't get that at all. My uncle has a saying (that I have heard often from many) "Some people weren't meant to have kids" that doesn't mean they don't (which is unfortunate). I know my kids don't necessarily appreciate the sacrifices their father and I have made for them to enable me to stay home and take care of them now, but I am confident that when my kids have kids of their own, they will fully understand what you will do for your kids out of love, obligation, commitment, and JOY. I love taking care of my own kids (even if they do drive me out of my mind some days lol).

RoNeisha - posted on 04/06/2010

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It's not always about having someone to watch your kids. I put my kids in daycare for social purposes. So that they can have interactions with adults other than myself and with other children of their own age. If you're against daycare, then look into a mommy and me play group. I think daycare has made my children much more sociable and outgoing. It also helped with the detachment theory. I can leave my children and they won't scream or hang on to my leg, because they know that I'm coming back.

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38 Comments

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Kayle - posted on 04/06/2010

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We just don't see the point of a child being in daycare full time when they have a mom who stays at home and can take them to play dates and mommy and me groups to get them socialized. I mean if you want to have a babysitter or what not for a few hours a couple times a week to get house work done or have some alone time, I definetly don't blame you there one bit.

Andrea - posted on 04/06/2010

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I'm hoping some of these peoples' kids are learning manners and how to be tactful at daycare because it sounds like they aren't getting that at home...lol!

Rikki - posted on 04/06/2010

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delete it plz didnt realise there were so many nasty people out there i was just asking a qs

~Jennifer - posted on 04/06/2010

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I'm going to tell you all something.



One more person calls another one a bitch or anything like it and I'll have all of your accounts terminated.



How's THAT for bitchy?



=)



~Jenn~

CoM Moderator

Sharon - posted on 04/06/2010

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You're the one who isn't playing nice. I don't know what your issue is. But really putting down daycare as a whole?



But its acceptable for those that work? You can't have it both ways. Either the parents who work, don't care for their kids and shove them off on someone else or they are lazy and don't really love their kids and prefer to sit on their asses at home instead of taking care of their kids.



THAT is what your ignorant post is saying.

Rikki - posted on 04/06/2010

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omg i dont think anyone is reading the post corectly or getting my point there are so many ways to keep kids bussy and let them learn maby its just australia but there is nothing done in childcare you cant do at home and nothing that playgroup or play dates cant teach a child that child care dosent...my point is that i dont see why you would put your kids in care when there are parents who need the space and who would kill to be able to stay home with there kids....and shron al always you have nothing nice to say to anyone didnt realise we are in a spelling bee? and yes its not that easy to type with a baby in your arms who enjoys typing too...oh i forgot everyones kids are in childcare so no one would know what thats like im shutting this down as i new it would get out of hand and off track with nasty comments...if the only reason to use up working parents spaces in child care is that your kids need to be social ? then i guess thats the answer im going to get even if i dont agree and thats my choice...thanks for people who gave some insite on the qs without being nasty and bitchy about it

Kayle - posted on 04/06/2010

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Because frankly I think its a bit rude to bash people that arn't perfect. And now your bashing people that are poor really? Sorry not everybody is a rich snobby bitch!! Well you can sit up there on your high horse and be like that. Nobodys perfect no matter how much they believe they are.

Melissa - posted on 04/06/2010

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Wow Rikki just wanted to understand why moms would put their kids in daycare if the mom's didn't work.....I don't think that deserves a bashing.

Kate CP - posted on 04/06/2010

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Well, crap. Guys, this thread is getting locked because you can't play nice.

Kayle - posted on 04/06/2010

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Amy I look up too moms like you. I just wonder how you do it. But I quess you don't have a choice you just suck it up and do it.

Iridescent - posted on 04/06/2010

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Two of our kids are also autistic, one is 10 and one is 3. The one that requires the nursing care has ornithine transcarbamylase deficiency (missing liver enzyme, is a urea cycle disorder, liver/kidney/mitochondrial disease), Alagille Syndrome with no congenital defects from it but still needs to be monitored, developmental delay and regression, anorexia, reflux, has a g-tube and a vascular port, is on low protein formula and diet and many meds (13/day right now). One of our other kids (always considered our "healthy" one) developed a kidney infection last week and we found out he has hydronephrosis of his left kidney and needs to see specialists and get that treated as well now - he is 8.

Kate CP - posted on 04/06/2010

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Putting a child up for adoption is final. Daycare is...well...day-care.

Kelli - posted on 04/06/2010

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Well it must be nice to be able to afford to go tanning and not work and have your kids in daycare huh? I am a stay at home mommy and I have a 1yr old. I do all the cleaning, and everything that involves taking care of my daughter. I read to her, take her for walks,play with her, give her baths. I feed her her meals and snacks in between. I try to make sure that my husband doesn't have to do anything when he gets home from work. He works very hard so it wouldn't be fair for me to go out and spend his money and put our daughter in daycare (more money) while he is working his butt off. I couldn't imagine not working and having my daughter in daycare. Not right in my opinion.

Kayle - posted on 04/06/2010

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If a mother does not want to care for her child why not put the little one up for adoption where the child will be loved? there are so many wanna be moms that just can't who would love their little one so much.

Iridescent - posted on 04/06/2010

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Lol! Yes, most people cannot afford to just send the kid 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, because they don't want to deal with him. Even if they can, maybe if that's what they are doing it's a good thing! Because why should they spend time with a mommy that honestly doesn't want to be near him? They'll receive more love from a day care provider in that case, so it's good for everyone. If the kid is happy and loved where is the issue?

Kayle - posted on 04/06/2010

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Amy If you don't mind me asking what is it your child is ill with? I have 2 autistic cousins and a friend of mine who's daughter was born with water on the brain along with quite a few other things wrong with her she was completly immobile. I can only imagine how much work that would be.

Melissa - posted on 04/06/2010

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Amy~

What you are doing is being supermom! You do so much for you children. I hope you realize not every mom can be like you, it takes a lot of strength to do what your doing whether or not your children go to childcare or have nurses. I applaude you!

Kate CP - posted on 04/06/2010

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Rikki: A good dog owner does both. A good parent should also allow their child to socialize without being right their with them. Sometimes parents need a break and there is nothing wrong with a little mommy time during the day. It is very rare that you will see a parent put their child in a full-day day care 5 days a week and NOT work simply because it's too damned expensive. So if a mommy decides she wants a break from Timmy for a while and enrolls him in day care a few days a week it's none of your business.

Rikki - posted on 04/06/2010

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exactaly my point melissa this is not a bite at anyone who needs to work go to school has children with disabilitys ( as i know how hard that can be ) i just dont see why finding diffrent things to do with your children so they can be social entertained and learn is so hard insted of taking up space that working parents need ?

[deleted account]

I agree. If you aren't working or in school (which ARE definitely legitimate reasons for daycare) then your child should not be in daycare. I could certainly understand a few hours/week to get a break or get some things done, but full time? Ridiculous!

Iridescent - posted on 04/06/2010

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Kayle, I appreciate the sentiment. But what you don't realize is that my actual job is taking care of my ill child. I have to do this 24 hours per day, every day, with the exception of when the nurse is there. I get paid for up to 48 hours per week depending how often the other nurses are there in that week. So in all reality, my job is no more and no less than any other SAHM's.

Melissa - posted on 04/06/2010

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Marissa~

I don't think what Rikki or Kayle are trying to say that mom's or even dad's that need to work/want to work or are college students shouldn't have kids. I think what they are trying to say is that why put you kid in daycare if you don't do anything but go shopping, tanning, ect and stay at home anyway? I had to work for years and am just now at a point that I don't have to and I can't anyway because of problems with my pregnancy but I will have to go back eventually to help pay bills. I hope to also go back to school before returning to work as well. I don't see anyhing wrong with what you are doing....

Iridescent - posted on 04/06/2010

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I work at home. And I also have a nurse come in and care for one of my children up to 72 hours per week, so we get 2-3 8 hour days per week without worrying about her constantly and 1-3 nights per week to sleep. And our other toddlers are in day care the same days we have the nurse. We have lots of reasons.
1 - I never wanted to be a SAHM. I have kids, I love them dearly, but life has caused me to be stuck at home due to one very ill child. That ramps the stress level up a lot. Even before she was born though, I did not want to be home with toddlers all the freaking time. I need adult interaction, and that includes time without klingons. And time where I do not have to attend to every smell and whine. The only way to get this is to schedule it.
2 - The kids benefit. They learn different parenting styles from multiple people (babysitter, day care provider, multiple nurses, and both parents). They learn which rules are acceptable in various environments. They learn words from each that they wouldn't learn so young otherwise, as everyone has a different base vocabulary. They have friendships with other children their age that will continue well into adulthood. Have you ever gone to school with "those" kids that were friends since diapers? Well, this is how it starts!
3 - Our kids need a break from us! Again, different environment, different rules, different play equipment, different pets.

Rikki - posted on 04/06/2010

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and you put your dogs in care to socialize ? or you take them out to play with outhers

Kayle - posted on 04/06/2010

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They're is other ways of socialization then daycare. Play dates, mommy and me classes, going to the park, museum, baby music classes...etc.

Rikki - posted on 04/06/2010

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this post was not pointed at mums who work or go to school if you read it properly and i wasnt saying that parents who work shouldnt have had kids i was saying mums who stay home full time and choose to send there children to childcare full time should have thought twice before having kids if you stay home all day without a reason to and cant look after your kids i think you have some issues.....plz read the post again it was not a bite at people who work ( go to school is the same as working ) it was a qs to mums who stay home and put there kids in childcare...

Cassandra - posted on 04/06/2010

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Im a full time college student and i have 4 classes. 2 online and 2 on campus but i dont want to put him in day care. my husband takes care of him. we work out schedules of what day i go and he goes. But if i need to get my homework done and need a break my mom helps me out so that i can focus better but its not all the time he goes with my mom. I take care of him most of the time and so does my husband even though were in school and hes working. I heard stories about day cares. i really rather have someone i know then not knowing them.

Kayle - posted on 04/06/2010

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Marissa---This post has nothing to with bashing the working mom. We are talking about moms who do not work and still have their children in childcare. I know how it is to have to work because I'm a working mother to. I'm sorry you got the wrong idea about what Rikki's post was about. Nobody was trying to offend the working mom.

Marissa - posted on 04/06/2010

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I am a full time college student. I find it offensive to think that because I want to work I shouldn't have had children. My children are well loved, well taken care of, and are my world. I have stayed at home for almost 3 years with them and am chosing to go back to work not because I want to but because I have to. My husband and I both need to work because of the mounting medicall bills that come with having special needs children.

Kayle - posted on 04/06/2010

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I totally agree. I mean we all need a get away but 12 hours a day 5 days a week come on. I know a girl who does this and it drives me nuts. Her facebook will say things like going tanning then picking up my daughter from daycare. If those are the kind of things that are important to you maybe you shouldn't have had kids.

Melissa - posted on 04/06/2010

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I completely agree with you. I could see if someone were to be going to college or in my case I would love to put my daughter in daycare for now since I am on strict bed rest but I cannot afford it. I feel like there are alot of people taking advantage of not having to deal with the day to day life that goes along with being a mom. Maybe I just don't understand either. I can't wait to see what others have to say.....

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