Will i ever get over my misscarraige?

Justine - posted on 03/17/2009 ( 35 moms have responded )

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2 weeks ago i had a misscarraige, the pregnancy wasn't planned, but i was really excited to be having another baby then this happened. I was 5 weeks pregnant with my 3rd baby. It just hurts so much that i will never meet my baby. I cry just about every day, i didn't think it would effect me so bad. My partner dosn't like to talk about it. So i feel like i have to hide my emotions. Anyone who has been through this, can u please give me an indercation of how long it took u go get over this (whether or not u can get ever get over something like this). Or what steps u took to help. Thanks.

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Dottie - posted on 03/20/2009

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22 years later, and no, I am not over it. The fact is, it happened, and I learned to go on. You will too. It helped me to know that my baby went to Heaven and since I am following Jesus, I too will go there one day and see my baby. God Bless you.

Debbie - posted on 03/20/2009

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you never get over it,it just gets easier as time goes on,then one day 6 months will pass and you will think...........i haven"t thought about it for ages,then 18months will pass,but something might trigger it or not,you will be fine.xx

Abbie - posted on 03/20/2009

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My first one was not planned either, and it wasn't till later did I discover the effects it had on me. I did also have an ectopic ( miscarriage as well) I don't think we ever forget as moms. But eventually you do move on and it does get easier. Your partner is being cruel to not want to talk about it. They to lost something ( but probably won't admit it)



YOu should join a support group, there are several on line. I also made a small "memorial" for my ectopic not my 1st one. I was amazed at how much that gave me closure. Everyone does things differently. Please realize also that miscarriages are apart of nature ( I say that nicely; meaning that they happen for some reason) we dont' know why, it doesn't make the pain any easier!!! After the inital pain of losing my first and a long time after losing my 2nd, I realized that some higher power thought thye needed that baby more then me. It will take time to heal your pain. You will never forget, but that is ok, you shouldn't have to forget. I wish you the best adn post her lots, Now is the time you need to put yourself around people who know and understand.

Marlo - posted on 03/20/2009

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Justine,

I lost a baby at 10 weeks after trying long and hard to get pregnant. Alot of people were afraid to talk to me about it and instead said nothing, it felt like no one thought that I had lost anything. I needed to talk about that baby and the hopes and dreams I had for it, and how heart broken I was that I had to say goodbye to someone that I knew already in my heart. You need to know that it is okay to talk about it, and bring it up with people you love, and make it okay for them to ask you about how you are doing. The only thing that will slow your healing is to deny yourself the right to walk straight into your grief and allow yourself to be sad and really feel it. You will eventually be able to look back at these days where you feel you can't go on and know that you are healing, one day at a time, one month and eventually, you will okay, but don't expect to "get over it." You will remember the day, the time, and what you were doing for the rest of your life. Take comfort in knowing that you will get to meet that baby in world where you will both be perfect. The way you were meant to meet. God bless you and know that you will make it. Give yourself permission to grieve, and healing will come.

[deleted account]

I was 24 weeks along when I found out my baby was dead.  When I delivered her 5 days later there was a second amnionic sac that had been her twin.  That was May 24, 2006 and I still cry for them every day.  I already had a 16 month old and I was pregnant again 6 months later, but I would still do almost anything to have them back.  Don't give yourself a time limit, and don't let anyone hold you back from your grief. It takes as long as it takes.

Julia - posted on 03/20/2009

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I think that you will always remember, but everyone grieves in their own way. When it's right for you, you will feel better able to move on. I miscarried on 2 separate occasions each at Christmas. I was fortunate they were only at 10 and 12 weeks, so were still in the very early stages of development... It still hurts but you have to put it into context. My friend had a still birth and was advised that she had lost her baby a week before her due date and had to give birth naturally.

Sorry for your loss and good luck for the future. Make plans. Enjoy and treasure what you do have. x

Misty - posted on 03/20/2009

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My first baby died at birth.  Her heart and chestwall never fully developed.  This happend in 2001 and I have a 6 yr old and one due in June.  You never fully get over the loss of your child, but time does heal all wounds.  The thing that helped me the most was talking about it.  Everyone is different, but the more I talked about it, the easier it was for me to cope with.  Good luck and remember your child will always be with you.

Natasha - posted on 03/20/2009

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i went through a missed miscarriage myself  my baby had died at 10 weeks but it wasnt detected till i had my scan at 18 weeks which broke my world our baby wasnt planned either but was very much wanted. it did take me along time to come to terms with it because i choose not to talk about it, i know now this was wrong and only ended up hurting me more but because my partner couldnt talk about it we just tried to pretend it hadn't happened. u need to grieve for this baby for u to be able to move on talk to somebody and really open up even though it hurts.  i wish u and your family both luck and happiness for the future. take care x

Krystal - posted on 03/20/2009

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I lost my first pregnancy. It was hard for me. I went into a deep depression. I cried everyday and blamed myself. My hubby who was my boyfriend at the time didnt like to talk about it still dont. I found comfort in other who lost a baby. They made me feel like I wasnt alone. I didnt get a chance to really heal from it. A month after I lost it I found out I was pregnant again. At the time I lost it I was 12 weeks. I still hurt and think about that baby often. I dont hurt as bad as I did when I lost it but I do still hurt. I truely dont think you will ever get over it but you will learn to heal and deal with th hurt and the pain of the loss. I truely feel for you. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Melody - posted on 03/19/2009

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Justine, I understand how hard it is to have a misscarriage, I have had 4 myself, and it almost killed me each time. The best thing to do is find somebody that you can talk to and just go out with for a night out or some u time. I can't stress the U time enough If you don't you will drive urself into a depression that nobody can pull you out of. I'm really sorry this happen to you hun, I can only imagine how it is for you cuz its different for everybody. I am here if you need to talk. I will say this the pain will never go away fully but later on it wont hurt as bad as it does right now.

Lorraine - posted on 03/19/2009

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I CANT IMAGINE WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH, BUT IM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. HONEY YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT AND SO DOES YOUR PARTNER IF YOU FEEL LIKE CRYING THEN LET IT OUT ITS HEALTHIER THAT WAY AND IF HE DOESNT UNDERSTAND THAT WELL TO BAD, YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON YOUR OTHER CHILDREN AND TO DO THAT YOU NEED TO HEAL MIND, BODY, AND SPIRIT, NEVER FORGET JUST HEAL YOUR BABY WILL ALWAYS BE IN YOUR HEART. I HOPE THINGS GET EASIER FOR YOU.

Holly - posted on 03/19/2009

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Quoting Christina:
 I have had a miscarriage and my husband suffered loosing his fianece and their 3day old twins to a DUI accident. Please don't tell someone to get over it. My husband told me it was just as painfull to loose a baby from miscarriage but in a slightly different experience. a loss is a loss. For me.... I was able to focus on my 2 older children and a charity group Iwas part of. It was helping other moms prepare for their new babies. And yes..... it sometimes is sad tothink about that loss. Having a supportive family and or firends will help. I will listen if you need other support.










Quoting Christie:

Please ignore the person that thought this was the appropriate place to make a comparsion of her loss to yours. The two are not the same and comments like that are not necessary.






That is not right, your comment wasn't appropriate. If someone is going to post a question then that person needs to get ready and hear the response. You probably misunderstood. I did not say for her to get over it. I quoted someone. I just said that she should be thankful for two healthy kids. I have been there, I did have a miscarriage, so maybe u should keep those neg respnses to yourself.





 

Claire - posted on 03/19/2009

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Hi, I am very sorry to hear about your loss.



I miscarried my first child at 6 weeks, that was 18 years ago. It does get easier after time but it is always there.



Please don't hide your emotions, find a good friend to talk to about how you are feeling. It is only now after 18 years that my husband is able to talk about it, don't push your partner into talking about it, remember he has lost also.



My very best wishes to you and your family, remember it does get easier but first you need to mourn your loss, don't rush it.

Christina - posted on 03/18/2009

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You will get over your misscariage,  it will take time.  i have had 5 and I think about them all the time but i know that i wasnt quite ready for them either.  You will feel better soon

Emma - posted on 03/18/2009

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i had a misscarage about 2weeks ago 2 and i found it just as hard and still do at times me and my partner didnt talk about it when it first happend but once we did and had our feelings out in the open that helped alot and all i think about is how lucky i am 2 have the two beutiful boys ive already got and how unlucky some people are when they cannot have any so i just count my blessings and think it must ov happend for a reason!!hope you feel happier soon hun xx

Kristen - posted on 03/17/2009

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Justine,



 I also had a miscarriage after my daughter was born and it was not planned.  It took a lot to get over it but eventually you do.  A lot of help can from my partner now husband and he just kept telling me that it was for the best and something probable was wrong with the baby and it was just the best thing to have happened.  I felt guilty because I did not go to the doc right away and had used spray paint a week before I found out but all in all now going on my fourth child I feel that a miscarriage is hard but do not beat yourself up over it. You will make it through this and you need the help for your partner and family.



 

Christina - posted on 03/17/2009

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Quoting Christie:

Please ignore the person that thought this was the appropriate place to make a comparsion of her loss to yours. The two are not the same and comments like that are not necessary.



That is not right, your comment wasn't appropriate. If someone is going to post a question then that person needs to get ready and hear the response. You probably misunderstood. I did not say for her to get over it. I quoted someone. I just said that she should be thankful for two healthy kids. I have been there, I did have a miscarriage, so maybe u should keep those neg respnses to yourself.

Christie - posted on 03/17/2009

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Please ignore the person that thought this was the appropriate place to make a comparsion of her loss to yours. The two are not the same and comments like that are not necessary.

[deleted account]

No matter what your circumstance, there is always someone who has it harder.  But that NEVER means your pain is any less real or valid.  You lost a child that was a part of you.  There is a difference between dwelling on it and greiving.  You have the right to grieve however long it takes you.  I've lost 7 babies.  Some were harder than others to lose.  And how far along I was had nothing to do with it. 



Prayer, friendship, journaling, normal activities, whatever makes you feel you are on the right path is what will work.  Just never let anyone make you feel you aren't valid.

[deleted account]

No matter what your circumstance, there is always someone who has it harder.  But that NEVER means your pain is any less real or valid.  You lost a child that was a part of you.  There is a difference between dwelling on it and greiving.  You have the right to grieve however long it takes you.  I've lost 7 babies.  Some were harder than others to lose.  And how far along I was had nothing to do with it. 



Prayer, friendship, journaling, normal activities, whatever makes you feel you are on the right path is what will work.  Just never let anyone make you feel you aren't valid.

Christie - posted on 03/17/2009

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Hello Justine. I am really sorry for your loss. As you can see from all the post, everyone handles it differently. Some people "get over" it and some don't. I have had two miscarriages, one on Mothers Day three years ago and one the following year. The pain of those losses is still with me and I always remember them on their due dates and the dates that I lost them, however I did learn to deal with it. You will find your pace and learn how to live with the loss. You do need to find someone to discuss this with, your partner would be best but they too will have to find a way to handle the situation. Take your time, cry as much as you need to and talk about it as much as you want to. In time you will heal and you will find your closure. I know how much it hurts right now and my thoughts will be with you.

Christina - posted on 03/17/2009

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Quoting Robin:



I have had many (like 10) miscarriages. It is something that I never really grew out of but my grief has changed.   one thing that I found helpful was to have a memorial  service for my baby and to give them a  name (it makes  it more real, gives them an identity) and you NEED to talk about it. If your partner wont talk about it than talk to a girlfriend that you know to be a good listener. And ignore all the people that try to tell you to "get over it allready"! They obviously have not fealt the pain of losing a child





Are u kidding me, your comment about get over it already, they obviously have not felt the pain of losing a child. You have not experienced the pain of losing a child if u miscarriage, yes it hurts and yes you feel sorry but, my goodness, trying having a child that u gave birth too die at a young age and then tell me about pain u felt. Having a miscarriage is not losing a child. There is no comparison about losing a fetus who is not born to raising a child and having him die.....Get over it!

Christina - posted on 03/17/2009

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I don't mean to lessen your pain but you have two healthy kids, be thankful. You were only five weeks pregnant, i think u could move on. Losing a child who was 8years old like i did, that is something a person doesn't get over....Be happy....

Pamela - posted on 03/17/2009

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You'll keep the love for and memory of your child forever. You will go on. Like others, I look forward to meeting that child in heaven. Take each day at a time. Take care of yourself and your family. You are in our prayers.

Christina - posted on 03/17/2009

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Miscarriages are hard to get over. I have had a few in between my children and each one of them broke my heart. I can't say that I am over them but I have accepted that it happened and my heart does not ache as much as it did in the beginning. Here are some things I learned from my own experience



1.) Was for me not to take it out on my husband if he decided to go to work. I seemed to have forgotten that he was grieving too and needed his own way to deal. Me being so hurt at him for leaving me home alone with one miscarriage almost broke our marriage.
2.) Don't listen to others when they say it is no big deal. Every single one of them was a big to me.
3.)Grieve in the way that suits you best for that moment, that child. I handled grieving with each of them differently. One I cried until I couldn't anymore, another I cried a little and just cuddled my son who was about 9 months all day.  
4.) Don't listen to others about trying again or giving up. You know in your heart what is right for you and your significant other.
5.)Pray. I'm not sure of your religious affliliation but a good prayer and spiritual guidance helped me get on my feet after each one.



I hope this helps. I know it's hard. The one thing that comforts me now with each one is that every tear shed, every night I cried myself to sleep, all the guilt I felt was worth it. Because every one of those experiences led me to the children I have now, and for that, I'm very grateful. Take care.

Ericka - posted on 03/17/2009

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i had a miscarriage before i had my first child. it was DEVASTATED. but yes, you eventually just move on.



if it helps, i remember i was at a Bible study once, and we were reading a verse, and i cant tell you what the verse was, but it was something about meeting all our children in heaven, and my first thought was my miscarriage, and perhaps i will meet that child someday.



i dont know what, if anything, i can tell you to make you feel better. there isnt words. i feel your pain. ive been there. yes you will 'get over it' but you will NEVER forget. i had a d&c (on dec 22 2005 - 3 days before Christmas) and my hospitol told me they do a memorial service in october for miscarriage and stillbirths etc. see if your clinic/hospitol has something like that. trust me, it might seem horrifying to do it, but it really will help you move on.... or at least know you are not alone.



good luck and God bless

Catherine - posted on 03/17/2009

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It is something that crops up in my mind still after 15 years. But now when i think about it, there is no more sadness.  Focus on the kids you have an try as hard as you can to think of at least one positive thing every day.  It WILL get better.

Mikayl - posted on 03/17/2009

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I'm so sorry for your loss.  I had a misscarriage back in January, I was 8 weeks pregnant.  We felt like the baby was a boy so my husband and I named him.  This made me feel so much better.   This is something that you have to accept.  TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED!!  I still cry over loosing my baby, and it okay to cry.   You NEED to CRY.  My husband and I didnt know how to react to it either. I finally just sat down and talked about what was on our minds I cryed and he cryed with me.  It helps if you talk with your partner.     Good Luck.

Colleen - posted on 03/17/2009

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Hello Justine.

I get's easier but deep down you will never get over it, having a misscarraige is a hard thing to go through. It makes it easier if you have people to talk to. I lost my first baby at 25weeks along and then I have had four other misscarraige's. They all say God works in mystrous ways. Just remember it will get better in time. If you need anyone to talk to I am here.

Selena - posted on 03/17/2009

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You will but it will take time. My first pregnancy was a miscarriage. It hurt alot to know that I'd never see that child but I also new that it just wasn't meant to be for some reason more than what I knew. Just take time a grieve and then try to move on. You will never forget but you will be able to move past it in time. Sorry for your loss. Selena

Tami - posted on 03/17/2009

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I do not feel that you ever get over a miscarriage.  It is really hard for a long time but with time gets easier to handle.  I lost twins on November 15, 1988.  I was 16 so it wasn't planned either.  Every year to this day, I remember carrying them.  I was 8 months along when I lost them.  And then I got pg with triplets and on October 25, 1998 I lost one of them.  That was even harder because 2 of them survived and was born on January 24, 1999.   I imagine what they look like as they are growing because I believe that they get a year older every year while they are in heaven.  The best way that I have come to making it easier is by telling myself the GOD needed another angel and he couldn't find a better one so he needed mine and we will reunite when GOD calls me to heaven.



Tami

Robin - posted on 03/17/2009

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I have had many (like 10) miscarriages. It is something that I never really grew out of but my grief has changed.   one thing that I found helpful was to have a memorial  service for my baby and to give them a  name (it makes  it more real, gives them an identity) and you NEED to talk about it. If your partner wont talk about it than talk to a girlfriend that you know to be a good listener. And ignore all the people that try to tell you to "get over it allready"! They obviously have not fealt the pain of losing a child

Jane - posted on 03/17/2009

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Honey, you never get over it. You never forget. Don't listen to people who tell you otherwise. You and your partner need to talk about it too. . Get some closure on it. Over 12 years I suffered and lost 5 babies at various times during the pregnancy. I can't tell you how much people's words hurt. Your partner should understand how much of an impact this has on you. Write him a letter. Leave it in his lunch box. It might make him realize how you have been affected both emotionally and physically by the loss. You say you have 2 other children - my advice - take them in your arms, hug them and tell them that they are the best thing that ever happened to you! Children are smart and they love you and will just know something is not right. Don't listen to stupid people telling you hurtful things. No one knows except within ourselves how attached we are from that second we find out we are pregnant - unplanned or not! Use your little angels to help get through this. They are your shining lights. Goodluck!!

Michelle - posted on 03/17/2009

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I am so sorry for your loss...I know how you are feeling when I miss carried I felt so empty and it was to be my 4th child and like you I had no idea I would take it so hard and I still think about my baby that I never got to hold and love everyday and it has been 8 years. I planted a rose tree in memory of the baby and bought a special charm for a chain with an angel I wear around my neck. The only thing that helped me through it is Prayer and knowing that one day I will hold my baby........PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!

[deleted account]

i have had 3 miscarriages. you will eventually get over it. it is very difficult. what ever you do, do not hide your emotions. let them out and talk it over with someone. i took one day at a time, and had to remind myself that it wasn't my fault that it happened. Don't think you will never meet your baby......someday you two will meet........just not at this moment. Good luck and God bless. May he heal your broken heart. Prayers do work.

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