Will my husband win custody of my kids

Christi - posted on 08/17/2012 ( 18 moms have responded )

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I am moving soon to Memphis tn were going to court on the 6th of September I am scared and so is my 3 youngest sons can anyone tell me if my husband will get sole custody of them?

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Mike - posted on 08/18/2012

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So you are divorced with tree kids and your recently had another baby with a man who lives out of state? That is your reason for wanting to leave state, right? How often does dad miss his visitation? I get the feeling that there may be more to this story than you are telling. I typically have a problem with anybody wanting to leave state and take the kids unless the other parent is either completely absent or dangerous, but that does not sound like it's the case with you. This out of state man is paying your bills and divorce costs? How did that come to be? Do you feel that you are being accountable for your responsibilities to your children and to their father? You are, after-all, tied to dad at-least until the youngest is 18. Can you not afford to pay your own bills? Who initiated the divorce? You or dad? Who was the bread winner? Was dad ordered to pay alimony? Child support? If dad is a working man and he has missed a couple of visitation dates, I don't know that it qualifies him as not caring or justifies you leaving state. Be honest here... Are you really stepping-up and doing what's right? Or just playing the victim? If dad is not the strong and upstanding one, then maybe you should be. It sounds like your kids have a lot of fear, but by your own admission, they spend the majority of their time with you. Are you not imposing your own fears upon them? Sounds like you might be. I am skeptical. My thought is pull it together; empower yourself; provide for your kids; create a stable and secure environment for them; and show dad what he is missing. Become the superhero version of yourself and make things happen. There are mentoring programs for people who are driven and an almost unlimited amount of assistance programs to help you get on your feet (use assistance on a temporary basis. Do not become dependent). Take responsibility for yourself and be a great mother. Everything else will fall into place. Or should I placate your victim narrative and encourage excuses?

Jodi - posted on 08/17/2012

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Poor kid, I feel for him :( Just keep reassuring him, and keep trying to mediate those opportunities for a relationship with his dad as best you can.

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Janessa - posted on 08/20/2012

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You never know in these situations. I have a friend who managed to lose custody of her kids simply because when her husband kicked her and the kids out she went out of state. Because that was where her parents were. In Nevada you can't leave the state with your kids if you're going through a divorce. It was a sad situation because he only fought for them because his parents wanted him to and paid for it. I'm really sad about it because the kids need their mom. But all is not lost, she has hope she can get them back, all I'm saying is get the best lawyer you can and pray.

Liz - posted on 08/19/2012

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agree with you Christi!!!! I'm prime example. I practically beg my son's dad to spend more time with him. Constantly call and text him to see if can come spend time with him or pick him up from camp/after care. And BTW... I don't get child support cause he had no job when divorced and I chose to not force it. So Mike careful about your assumptions!

My son's dad promised all week would pick him up one day... he didn't, said had to work. Then said would do something after work Sat. Just a text still at work but never called rest of day or night. Never heard from him all day today. My son called him twice and left message once asking if could hang with him today or see movie. He finally texted me back at like 5:45pm saying just woke up??????????????????????????????????? And call in an hour. Guess what... still waiting for that call and son in bed now.
Enough said!

Jennifer - posted on 08/19/2012

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@Mike - you sound like you are a divorced dad who's wife has taken your kids ... and now you are thinking the worst of all women who want to move away from their ex. Please keep your hatred in check. Not all women are like your ex.

Pennie - posted on 08/19/2012

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In the state of Ohio...if you and your husband had children in the state of Ohio and still reside there...neither of you may move the children out of state without agreement from the other parent.

Deena - posted on 08/19/2012

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Child custody cases are about the best interest of the child or in this case children. You must show the judge why this move is in your children's best interest. All the pro's the relocation will have for them. Your husband must put in a court order to stop this move legally and show the judge the con's of the move affecting the children. If your ex does not show when he is expected etc. you should be documenting. Also try not to mud sling each other too much. That shows the judge that this is about the parents and not the best interest of the children

Michelle - posted on 08/19/2012

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You should go to the court and ask the judge. You already have custody of them and I doubt wanting to move to another state will change you having custody. Tell the judge what has happened, that you had another baby with a man in TN and would like to better your life and your children's lives with making a more stable environment with a mom and a father figure.
Then tell the judge what the father has done on Fathers Day, and any other infraction he has made with his visitations. Ask if you can have your children speak and have them express what they feel about how there father is acting and about this new man.

When you have children and you get divorced you now have to do what you believe is best for you and your family, not what others say. I wish you luck.

Jodi - posted on 08/17/2012

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That's fair enough. All I can say, is the judge will take everything into account, and if dad feels like he is going to lose out on visitation because of your move, you may have a fight on your hands. BUT if dad hasn't been using his visitation, and hasn't been helping to provide for your son, and this is a way that you CAN provide for him, then that will be considered too.

Just out of interest, when your son says its like dad doesn't care for us, how do you react? You need to try and assure him that his dad DOES care in his own way, even if it doesn't seem that way. You shouldn't be agreeing with your son and slag off your ex, that's not cool.

Christi - posted on 08/17/2012

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I reccently had a baby with a man that lives in tn he just wants to live with him because he is the future step child is his mom has Alzheimers he just wants us all to be one family he sends me money every month for my rent paid my lawyer and everything so I just want to us to be a family again all the kids love him he is a great man! My son always says its like dad doesn't care for us

Christi - posted on 08/17/2012

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It was last month my 12 year old baked a cake for his dad he said in court he would like to have them on fathers day/his birthday so I took my son to Harris teeter where he picked out a cake and icing he stayed up all night and made it so I wake him up and go to drop them of right as I'm pulling out they come walking down the drive way. ex stepped out he said what are you doing why did you drop them off its fathers day he says take them back home I don't want them my son sat in his room all day crying I promised my ex that I will tell the judge in court!

Jodi - posted on 08/17/2012

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The judge could say you can't take the kids away from their dad. Can you still comply with dad's current visitation if you move? If not, it is possible the judge will say no. Depends on your reasons for moving, the current visitation schedule, how good dad has been with visitation. There's a lot for them to consider.

Christi - posted on 08/17/2012

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Right know I have custody of my kids would I be able to move and him still have visitation or will the judge say no?

Jodi - posted on 08/17/2012

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We'd kind of need more details to be able to give any advice, but ultimately, your lawyer would be the best person to ask. Unless you have given them reason, it is unlikely he'd get sole custody - you'd still have visitation at the least, but I don't know the full story.

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