Will my vagina "bounce back??" (If I opt out of a c-section...)

Alli - posted on 05/10/2010 ( 46 moms have responded )

33

12

0

Okay, I've heard a million times --and I agree!-- that c-sections should only be used in case of emergency and not just for "fashion" and "convenience" purposes. People tend to forget it is a MAJOR operation because they are done all the time, and some doctors are just too busy and become "scalpel-happy."



HOWEVERRRRR, I am selfishly thinking of my VAGINA. I realize this sounds completely selfish, but if you think about it, it's really not! This is why I fear I'll have a "big, floppy vagina" after a vaginal birth:

-I've heard of women who have gone TEN YEARS without sex because they couldn't afford a vaginoplasty and they weren't able to "feel anything" during sex after just their FIRST child.

-my partner and I will experience emotional distress after sex becomes not-pleasurable or even embarrassing to me.

-my partner and I won't have anymore children because sex will be awkward for the both of us.

-intimacy is really important, and though you can be intimate in ALL KINDS OF WAYS, sex is still amazing!



No one wants to admit this fear because they're afraid of sounding selfish, stupid, etc. I don't think it's either, but I want everyone to be HONEST: was sex awful after birth? If you had an episiotomy did it end up making it BETTER? Do you regret your natural birth??



So indulge me, and please refrain from alienating other women with the same worry.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Alli - posted on 05/10/2010

33

12

0

I'm closing this conversation because CLEARLY many people only half-read what I put and just thought I a.) ONLY wanted to get a c-section (which I'm very-obviously AGAINST in my post) and b.) only thought about how sex will feel for ME.



Some people need to learn some simple etiquette.



So if you actually wanted to post something in this conversation and were genuinely-interested in a response, just thank all of those LOVELY women who couldn't handle themselves properly when it comes to being rude on a forum. Thank THEM for the conversation being closed! :D



And for the women who read this correctly and responded accordingly, pat yourself on the back because obviously you can READ :)

Jessica - posted on 05/10/2010

90

44

10

i have had 2 vaginal births and the first time i had an episiotomy and the 2nd time i tore, but my husband said he cant even tell i had kids he says it feels the same as before.. but yes i was very worried about this i even asked my dr. at one of my OB visits if it would go back to normal..

Crissy - posted on 05/10/2010

10

16

0

It is a rare thing that anything horrible happens to a vagina during birth. My first born was 9 pounds and they had to cut me a little bit, then the placenta didn't come out so the doctor put her hand (I'm talking ELBOW DEEP) up "there" twice and scooped it all out. After a month I was having sex again. Of course it felt different, and that's because it IS different. It takes awhile for everything to get arranged the way it was before being pregnant. But in no time, my vagina was back to the small size it was before. If you're worried about it, do tons of kegels during and after pregnancy. My second child (which I had last month) came out in two easy pushes and my bleeding stopped after a couple of weeks. I will tell you that both times we did not lose our sexual attraction or pleasurable experiences. I think it makes the sex better! The first week or two touching each other and getting all heated up and ending in pleasuring him (hand jobs, blow jobs, etc) make the first time you actually get to start having intercourse again AMAZING because you've spent so much time building up to it. It makes it all new again and because you will be anxious about what it's going to feel like, it's almost like losing your virginity all over again. Haha. I would be more worried about what a c-section does to your stomach! You will have to wait just as long to have sex after having one of those because of the healing time and pain it causes. You won't be able to even do much around the house after having a c-section! Plus, it will leave a huge scar which will leave you feeling un-sexy - and in my opinion, that will hurt your sex like even more. I know that the stretch marks I got from my first pregnancy left me feeling so self-conscious about my tummy that it effected our sex life. Even though I got skinny again and looked great in a bikini I was embarrassed about the scars and would wear a tank top over my bikini and when I'd change my shirt I'd always turn my back so my man wouldn't see me (and I still do sometimes!). I still don't like to have my lower tummy exposed while we're having sex because the way the marks look bother me. So really, I wouldn't be concerned about vaginal birth at all. The baby comes out, you bleed, and before you know it you're all healed up again and back to super sexy time. Just remember (if you're worried about the flame going out) to make intimate time with your man even though you can't have sex so he is being pleased and doesn't get bored and everything will be fine. Trust me - I've been there and done it twice. Don't go with the c-section unless you have to!

Angie - posted on 05/10/2010

2,621

0

406

Are you kidding? You're really considering a major surgery because you don't want your vagina to be stretched out? No, sex is not awful after birth. My husband loves me unconditionally and would never ask me to have a c-section for this reason... I think all those reasons are silly and vain and I would never have a major surgery for that reason....

Kristin - posted on 05/10/2010

1,645

40

305

No, start doing your Kegals as soon as possible. There is both skin tissue and muscle tissue. Get the muscle tissue back into shape and the rest just won't matter. There are even devices/tools/toys (call them what you like) that are sold through adult stores that can help you really tone up. A gynecologist can help you get your vagina back into shape without the need for any sort of surgery.



One caveat, do not expect your vagina to bounce back immediately. But, most don't want to have sex right away either. So, there you go.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

46 Comments

View replies by

Johnny - posted on 05/11/2010

8,686

26

318

Well.. aside from all the ranting and raving (whatever! LOL.) I suppose I will put in my 2 cents and see if I get kicked back too (good fun!).

I had a 9 lbs baby, a 52 hour labor, hemorrhaging and a 4th degree tear. I wasn't exactly up for hopping into the sack with hubby the next week, but after a couple months, things were getting back to normal. And by the time my daughter was 6 months old, I didn't feel like anything had changed from before her birth & neither did hubby. I think most moms will tell you that your bigger worry about your sex life should be getting 5 minutes alone and finding the energy for a romp in the hay. Not your vagina. Which, by the way, was naturally designed to birth children and revert to its previous condition. I've got to say, if a person can't stand a couple months without sex and a few more getting back into the swing of things slowly, then it's probably better to see a therapist than have a baby. But if you're fine with the idea that things will eventually go back to relatively normal, then you should be just fine. Now that my daughter is 21 months, sleeps through the night in her own room, and loves to spend the occasional night with Gran & Grandpa, our sex life is humming along again merrily, and I get the same sensation and pleasure as always. Having a child has increased our intimacy though.

Kerry - posted on 05/11/2010

12

6

0

I have 2 children and both were emergency c-sections and I had very difficult pregnancies from the start until the day I gave birth and both c-sections were very different. Even though I had c-sections I still say I gave birth because I did and it was a wonderful experience thanks to my doctor and midwife. With my first which was my son I was in labour for 15 hours and had complications and he also decided to turn around and want to come out bum first and his heart rate was slowing down so I had a c-section. I was in hospital for 1.5 weeks and took me 5 months to fully recover. With my second my daughter she was 4 weeks early and a in the middle of the night trip to the hospital and emergency c-section. I was up and walking after 2 days in bed and could even power walk as they say up and down the hospital and only in hospital for 5 days. Surgery is not a thing you choose to do, it chooses you !!! and should only be done for EMERGENCIES ONLY, not for convenience. I had the best doctor in the world and my scare is beautiful and is as straight as a ruler. I have 2 beautiful children so that's what counts in the end. Good luck to you in your decision making.

Victoria - posted on 05/10/2010

34

23

2

You should be fine. I'll be honest...my first episiotomy scar hurt a little bit sometimes. I guess the second one was sewn up better because it doesn't bother me at all. I have had 2 vaginal births and 3 D&Cs and everything seems to be fine. As fine for me as it gets, but that's another topic and has nothing to do with having children. LOL:0) I wouldn't criticize anyone for opting for a c-section. Just remember it is major surgery and there are risks involved for you and the baby.

Alli - posted on 05/10/2010

33

12

0

By the way, I ask a LOT of questions, no matter how "stupid" some people might think they are, because I lost my first child at 13 weeks last year and had to have an emergency D&E and a blood-transfusion. Think twice before you EVER say someone shouldn't have children. There is absolutely no reason for that whatsoever.

[deleted account]

i had your thoughts before i fell pregnant with my 1st but man, i had a elective c-section as my son was footling breech and i DO NOT recommend it to anyone. yes a straight forward surgury untill something happens like your placenta doesn't contract so they have to massage it down hard out and you almost have to have a blood tranfusion. not to mention the recovery, the blood and the not being able to stand upright for a couple of weeks and no being able to quickly get up and tend to your baby, ahving to rely on others for at least a couple of weeks. it took me 12wks to really come right, 7mths to go to number two's without pain. do your kiegels and perinial massage and even if you have to be stiched a few of my friends have said theyv'e been stiched better than they were before. i'm aiming for a Vbac for my 2nd due in nov. i'd rather have a stretched vag than go through a c-section, now with a toddler, again. but thats just my opinion, i don't think your'e selfish for wanting to know i'd just hate for you to go through the experience i did.

Alli - posted on 05/10/2010

33

12

0

GOD if people would just READ what I put on here I clearly say "I THINK C-SECTIONS SHOULD ONLY BE USED IN AN EMERGENCY." I'm asking this question because I do NOT plan on having a c-section. Seriously, some people just WANT to find an uber-selfish mother on here so they can feel better about themselves.

I'm really surprised you guys had a moment to comment on this considering you're on a CROSS all day o_O

I want my child healthy and I do everything in the world to ensure that. I don't care if I have a c-section or if I have to go through 24+ hours of labor and push it through my vagina, I WAS JUST WONDERING IF THERE WERE ANY "SUCCESS" STORIES OUT THERE.

Alli - posted on 05/10/2010

33

12

0

I'm still wondering why anyone would see "4 children" on my profile when the first thing my profile says is "soon-to-be mom" and "expecting." It's my first child...

Alli - posted on 05/10/2010

33

12

0

I'm really glad about these responses because not only did I post this for MYSELF, I know there are a lot of women out there, young and old, who are concerned about this issue but are too embarrassed to ask. Even in my "centering" classes I ask the questions I feel like people will be too embarrassed to ask and a lot of girls come up to me and say "THANK YOU." I'm not martyring myself here, but if it helps someone out that I have no shame I'll do it! It's a scary world out there when you're pregnant and society has made it impossible for women to ask REAL questions --as you can see by SOME of the responses.

I would never personally-attack a woman on here --unless she was talking about doing things obviously-harmful to a child-- but to attack someone with a VALID QUESTION is just rude and I'm quite sure that the premise of this site is openness and accepting other mothers. People are just assuming I'm selfish but I've stopped taking all medications even though I have fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis, stopped drinking sodas though I LOVE Coca-Cola, exercise even though some days I have to be helped out of bed, eat right even when I have cravings for an entire box of twinkies, I have done EVERYTHING for my child so far. The least I could do is ask how my baby MIGHT affect my "hoo-ha."

So if anyone on here has been attacked for asking this question, I'll just say it for ALL of us: BITE ME.

Alli - posted on 05/10/2010

33

12

0

P.s. I DON'T HAVE 4 KIDS MY PROFILE MUST HAVE JUST MESSED UP. I'm expecting! What the heck???

Alli - posted on 05/10/2010

33

12

0

I don't think it's selfish in the slightest to worry that your sex life may come to a SCREECHING HALT. I am definitely more worried about whether my child is HEALTHY so I'm going to do whatever the doctor wants me to do, but there are literally tens of thousands of women who completely lose sensation in their vagina --not just lose FIRMNESS-- because they have had a vaginal delivery. The last thing I put on there was "PLEASE REFRAIN FROM ALIENATING OTHER WOMEN WITH THE SAME WORRY." Don't EVER tell someone they shouldn't be having children in the first place because that is absolutely, positively taking it the a level that is completely inappropriate and rude.

I could turn right back around and say YOU shouldn't have children because you don't understand other peoples' feelings, but I don't go on the assumption that your parenting will somehow be affected by what you post on a FORUM PAGE. It is exceedingly horrible to say something like that.

ALSO it's a real worry because if your vaginal walls aren't in good shape, it is VERY hard to push so if you'd like to have another child, you would probably worry about whether or not your vaginal muscles are strong enough to push a baby out.

I'm glad there are a lot of women out there who understand this instead of just assuming I'm some moron, young, soon-to-be mother who has her head up her a** instead of worrying about the health of her child.

Veronica - posted on 05/10/2010

41

14

3

Honestly, if sex wasn't pleasurable after the first kid, there would be no second kids ;-)
Kegels work whether or not you are prego.
After birth, most doctors offer a "father's knot" which is an extra stitch after an episiotomy or any ripping. I recommend it.

Katherine - posted on 05/10/2010

65,420

232

4872

Alli, your profile says you HAVE 4 kids. I don't understand why you are asking this question.

Connie - posted on 05/10/2010

22

26

2

I have had 5 births and all vaginally so I would have to say having had that many babies that apparently vaginal birth that does not interfere with my enjoyment of sex and if my partner is turned off by that , then they are not a real man anyway as far as I am concerned. There are a lot of other things that are much worse. Gezz I am scared of surgery, complications, pain , complications, I don't understand why you would risk take this risk fro vanity sake. IT is surgery . I am so glad that I did not have to have a c section. I am not sure at what point c sections became an option as in would you like a vaginal births or a c section I did not know that you had a choice. But then m youngest is 17 so maybe thigns have changed since then.

Nyssa - posted on 05/10/2010

124

11

12

Think of the money you have to spend if you have a c-section. The cost is way more than a vaginal birth. I had a c-section for my first, and didn't want to ever do it again. Maybe that is partly because it was an emergency c-section. Oh, and I didn't get the nice bikini cut, it's up and down. So, since I have a little bit of weight in my middle now I look like I have a butt where my tummy should be. :( Thankfully the last 4 I could deliver naturally. Sex was not awful after any of my births; though, I have never tore much, and only needed to push a couple times if that. I never even pushed for my 3rd baby. He was my smallest, and we barely made it to the hospital. The nurse was telling me not to push while they were trying to get me into the bed and I was contracting. I wasn't pushing, but I could feel him crowning near the end of the drive to the hospital, so I can see why he just slipped out. That is why you have contractions, it's your body pushing the baby out. Your skin is naturally elastic, so I wouldn't worry about it. Kegels!!!

Lee - posted on 05/10/2010

8

1

0

i have an 11 week old baby and i had a terrible experience.. epesiotomy due to a forceps delivery.. i got 30 stitches and 11 weels later i am still in pain.. i attempted sex after 9 weeks and it was very painful.. but that isnt to say that it wont get better after a while..

Marisa - posted on 05/10/2010

149

22

6

the day after my csection i was up walking around like nothing had happend i feel as if i came out of the hospital just like i want in just with no belly tho . every person is diff tho.

Peita - posted on 05/10/2010

459

66

51

Epesitomy's hurt like hell afterwards, but are better to recover from than a c-section! Vaginal births are meant to happen, that's the hole the baby is supposed to come out, I have had 3 vaginal births and the first was with an epesiotomy, it is so much easier and quicker to recover from a vaginal birth! Look up complications that can occur with multiple c-sections eg PLACENTA ACCRETA, and then make an informed descision, not a descision based on worrying about your vagina! I suffered from PLACENTA ACCRETA after my 3rd and as a result had a hysterectomy, a clamp on my femoral artey, 3 operations, a 9 Unit blood transfusion and a 4 1/2 day stay in ICU, this complication usually occurs in women who have had c-sections ( I was the exception, never had a c-section) and women still die from this, my family was called to the hospital because the doctors didn't know if I was going to survive! Just read up and talk to your doctor and think things through! So much more can go wrong with surgery than a vaginal birth that goes well!

Jessica - posted on 05/10/2010

37

10

2

To be honest sex is even more amazing since I've had my son. He was only 5 pounds, but still.

[deleted account]

I will always admit that prior to having my son (who i had vaginally) i wanted a c section for that very reason. i was terrified that i would get loose and he wouldn't want to sleep with me anymore. Since I'm 21 there are lots of un loose 21 year olds out there. I still worry about it a bit but I don't notice any difference and he says he doesn't either (which he could be lying about but i'll take his word for it). i had stitches because i ripped. they actuallty stitched me up a bit too much and for a month after we started having sex again it hurt. it also took about 4 months to feel completely back to normal. i have a more difficult time enjoying sex, although i still do i just have to focus more, and he seems to have no problems

Marisa - posted on 05/10/2010

149

22

6

my belly is not floppy i do not have a huge scare. my c-section scare is so low and you can hardly see it. i dont feel any less sexy from it.c-sections is the only way to go in my book!!

Dana - posted on 05/10/2010

11,264

35

489

Just read through these....One: you don't pee out of your vagina and Two: a C-section does NOT cause a "floppy belly"....lmao....a fat belly causes a floppy belly. I've had a C-section and my belly is not floppy.

Iridescent - posted on 05/10/2010

4,519

272

1078

I agree completely! I think my 3 year old girls both know better.

Michelle - posted on 05/10/2010

226

9

36

Amy...I am STILL laughing about it. Sorry, but when you are a woman...that is a TERRIBLE mistake to make!!!

Marisa - posted on 05/10/2010

149

22

6

i had a c-section for that same fear and i didnt want to push nor have 10 ppl see my vagina. i know it has been done for the beginning of time and that hows its done. but i saw no need to push for hrs and have labor contractions when i could lay still and do no work so c-section was for me! to me that they only way to have a baby

Iridescent - posted on 05/10/2010

4,519

272

1078

Good catch Michelle! I didn't even read that reply lol!

And yes, with a newborn, most people aren't thinking about sex for several weeks (or months, or years).

Michelle - posted on 05/10/2010

226

9

36

Umm...Quechelle...you need an anatomy class...you dont pee out of your vagina. WOW!!!!

Iridescent - posted on 05/10/2010

4,519

272

1078

Your body is made to give birth by the time you're an adult. Your vagina will bounce back. This is about as logical as asking if it's ok to have solid poo for fear of leaking for the rest of your life. Both parts were made for the jobs they have, stretch and return.

Jodi - posted on 05/10/2010

25,928

36

3891

I'd be more worried about sneezing or laughing too hard than sex :P

Krista - posted on 05/10/2010

12,562

16

842

I had an episiotomy with my baby, and was pretty sore afterwards, because new scar tissue doesn't stretch like regular flesh. But we were able to give it the old college try just three weeks after our baby was born. I was sore, but we managed all right.

And since then, it's been fine. My husband notices no difference. It won't hurt to practice your Kegels, though. If nothing else, it helps speed healing afterwards by increasing blood flow to the area.

Melanie - posted on 05/10/2010

441

23

58

I had vaginal birth on first child and c-section on second. I tore really badly and needed 40+ stitches from vaginal birth yet i was able to have sex 3 weeks after having my daughter. On my son it was nearly 7 weeks but that was purely because i was in pain after c-section and needed extra time to recover. I suppose it depends on how you heal. I was up walking around 12 hrs after c-esction yet was bed-ridden on normal birth. I always say that the best birth is the safest one not the convenient one. xx

Chelle - posted on 05/10/2010

768

44

77

your vagina is made for 3 things, peeing,sex and birth! if its made to pop out a baby then its NOT gunna be awful after giving birth.

i had an episiotomy wich got infected so then had to heal without stitches and yea it dosnt look the same as it used to.....but it does its job,my partner has no problems with it and im fairly happy with the way it looks. sure it dosnt look the same on the outside (dosnt looks saggy or anything, just looks different) and it is exactly the same on the inside.....you will be suprised how elasticy your vigina is, it springs back fairly quickly after birth :).



i think it is a little silly that some womens vanity,ego and self esteem will let them get in the way of a natural birth.... to be honest your vagina is one of the least affected parts of my body post birth......pregnancy does many things to your body, trust me the boobs might be big now but they WONT bounce back like your vagina does lol, they will sag hahaha. and your post pregnancy tummy will take a while to get rid of, and if you dont have much slack in your skin it could stay saggy forever.



being a mother is a beautiful thing and just having brought a new life into this world...in my eyes is worth giving up every part of my body for...i couldnt give a s**t how my body has changed because of pregnancy and birth,, i dont come 1st....MY KIDS DO.

if you really are that botherd about your looks and how your body will change mabey you shouldnt have kids lol.

Karen - posted on 05/10/2010

1,577

26

370

i had a natural birth with tearing (12 stitches) but haven't had any issues...stitches were healed perfectly in 3 1/2 weeks or so and all was good...everything is normal looking and in normal working order down there :)

Abbie - posted on 05/10/2010

1,140

42

203

You really need to do some research if you are worried about a floppy vagina, cuz a c section will cause a floppy tummy!!! If I would have had a choice I would have opted for a vaginal birth but I didn't.

Sarah - posted on 05/10/2010

232

22

19

I had a natural birth stayed away from sex for 2 months and never had no problem, the first few times hurt like hell (i never had an episiotmy, only 2 stitches) im due with my second child and am hoping for a natural birth again (seen videos of both a natural and section adn the section almost made me pass out) plus a lot of my friends had sections and said the recovery time is a hell of a lot longer than a natural, i was back to normal within like 2 weeks of birth, my best friend was off her feet for like 2 months and is still finding the incision site. natural is the way to go in my eyes but thats just my opinion

[deleted account]

For me, sex has never been and probably will never be awful. my fiance and i were back at it like 2, maybe 3 weeks after our daughter was born (i had a wonderful delivery and was completely healed that quickly). my daughter was small though, and im sure its different if you're having a big baby. but you have to remember that the tissue of the vagina is incredibly elastic, and it will go back to normal after giving birth. doing kegels, like suggested will also help. but ultimately, its up to you which method you choose. but the healing process after a c-section is so much longer and harder compared to a natural birth. good luck!

Kelli - posted on 05/10/2010

28

37

1

yes it will bounce back . i would be more worried about recovering from the csection than if im going to enjoy sex after the baby is born .

Kate CP - posted on 05/10/2010

8,942

36

754

I loved natural birth. Your vagina is extremely elastic and can handle a lot of trauma. You're not supposed to have sex for at least 4-6 weeks after birth (and most don't want to cause they're just so exhausted) so I wouldn't worry about that. Honestly the women who have to have corrective surgery on their vaginas are extreme cases and not the norm AT ALL. Don't worry about it and enjoy your pregnancy and birth.

Monica - posted on 05/10/2010

514

28

149

when i had my first, i ripped!! eeeee. so the doc had to stitch it up :S But my second, there was no tearing, and i tells ya, mine's great!!! :P it does go back, it's made to do that. but all these ladies are rite, they say kegals are the best way to prevent tearing and get it to "bounce back" LOL
good luck!!! it's better than a scar in my opinion, and it's natural!! :) :)

Michelle - posted on 05/10/2010

226

9

36

I honestly think that if you worry too much about this then you shouldnt be having kids in the first place. Your vagina will "bounce back"...but I dont think it will ever be the exact same as it was before. Its like a rubber band...you stretch it out and it will return to its normal state...but if you keep stretching and stretching...it will eventually get bigger. And I hate to tell you this...but your whole body will be different too. I understand your worry...I just think its selfish.

I have had a child...even a D&C after my son was born to remove placenta...AND I have had a miscarriage. After all that....I have fabulous sex with my boyfriend....best Ive ever had. But I not ONCE worried about whether or not my box would get stretched out to much. Thats ridiculous.

However, this is my opinion. And not every woman's body is the same. I personally think that my libido increased after having a child.

Tracy - posted on 05/10/2010

737

13

78

Kiegels.Before and after birth. They're easy to do and no one knows when you're doing them! I've had 3 kids total in my life all vaginal. My son was over 10 lbs, he took a year to fully recover from. I've never regretted not having a c section. I've heard worse stories from close family about post-op complications, and seeing as how there's an allergy and we're blood related..... Actually, after having my girl in 2006 my ability to enjoy sex was greatly improved on. My partner is amazed that I've had one child, much less 3.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms