Working moms get a bad rap....

Lorie - posted on 06/29/2011 ( 32 moms have responded )

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Why is it people ask "are you a working Mommie" in that tone that I take is to mean that I am lesser of a mom because I work ?? I work to support my children, I restrict it to 40 hours a week and when they were young I worked midnights so I could be home during the hours they needed me most.They didnt even know I had a job besides them. Now I work dayshift for that same reason. I just wonder why all the stay at home Mommies look down their noses at us ???

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Amber - posted on 06/29/2011

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Not all SAHMs look down their nose at working mommies. Us SAHMs get put down too because *all* we do is stay home. "What do you do for a living? Oh.....how lucky you are, it must be nice to sit at home all day."

So, we're all getting judged no matter what decision we make.

I'm currently transitioning from being a SAHM to a working mom now that my son is going to school more...I'm being judged for that too.
I just ignore everybody and make the decisions for my family.

Darcel - posted on 07/11/2011

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I've noticed that the majority of folks could care less and we don't notice them. the the minute that one random nosey busybody opens his/her mouth we get offended. Dont let that one nosey idiot bother you. SAHM or WM 98% of the other moms couldn't care a flying fig!

Sal - posted on 09/01/2011

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the same reason that working look down their noses at sahm......because it is easy to justify their own lives by saying the opposite choice is wrong...

Melissa - posted on 07/07/2011

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Moms are moms. Working or staying home. We all love our children and our children love us. Besides, I do not know about other stay at home moms but I have gotten rude comments because I am not working.

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Tracy - posted on 01/07/2012

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I think it s whatever is best for you or your family! Some people are better parents when they go to work, and have that mental break from their kids.

I find it is the other way, people look down at stay at home moms, as if they are not real worthy or something. I think this video is a cute response What do stay at home moms do all day? I haven't used it yet, I am just waiting for the opportunity!

Liz - posted on 09/29/2011

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Are you sure you are not taking something personally that isn't meant to be personal? Being Mom is a very hard job regardless of whether or not you work outside the home or not. Good for that you could work and be there for your kids when they need you, you are very lucky. I'm a SAHM and in awe of my friends who work full time and are amazing Moms as well. Maybe you just need ignore those people.

Michelle - posted on 09/29/2011

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Its not all Sahms, my sister studies and stays at home and she thinks highly of working mums (she tells me because i work even though its only part time) although people expected me to go back to work (as in my partner and his family) and were constantly asking me about it. now i work while he stays at home

Laurie - posted on 09/22/2011

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It is not all SAHMs - I have several friends that are SAHMs and we all talk about the issues that we go through. I would love to spend more time with my daughter, but we need a house to live in...so I have to work. My SAHM friends are just the opposite, they need some away time from the kiddos. Moms need to stop judging and start supporting one another!

[deleted account]

I think there's rarely a "tone" when people ask casual questions like "Are you a working mom?" or "When are you going back to work?"



People are just trying to make conversation, and they aren't always graceful about it. There are A LOT of less tactful questions that people ask about all kinds of things like money, reproductive choices, and sex.



When you say "all" stay-at-home moms look down on you, I think there's some personal defensiveness going on here. If you're happy with your choices, and your children are happy, just relax.

Maxine - posted on 09/16/2011

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Just wanted to add to the discussion that I felt like the world's worst person for going back to work full time and my daughter is only 7 months old. My family are all very supportive however my partner's are not so supportive (all of the mums on his side are SAHM which have given me a bad opinion of them in general!). I - personally - feel much better after reading all the lovely comments...

Terra - posted on 09/13/2011

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Well, i'm not one of them. I'd rather work to support my children as well. My husband takes care of all of us right now and i would like to contribute as well. When my kids start school in several more years, i'm going to look for a job. Even with the scarce job market, i'm taking classes at college to help better myself.

Shauna - posted on 09/05/2011

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I love going to work. It keeps my brain working and gives me time to "think". My daughter goes to Pre-K and loves it! I actually took the entire summer off of work and we traveled and spent time together. Layne,my daughter, couldn't wait to start school again and I was ready to go back to work. There is a balance! I honestly do not care if people look "down" on me because I work. I enjoy it! In the end, the only thing that matters is my family's opinion.

Karen - posted on 08/31/2011

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I love staying at home. I work from home and wouldn't trade it for the world. The bottom line is that you need to be comfortable within yourself not to worry about what other's think as to whether you are home or work outside of the home. I never dwelled on the issue myself, nor did it bother me what other's thought. I respect what each person is doing...and it's really none of my business anyway. I feel that the Lord controls the direction of my life and also my family. I strive for his will and no one elses. It really is a simple as that. Frankly, if I cared so much about what other's thought, that would be counter productive for my family and my business as well. Look to the horizons ladies and do what you are called to do :)

Lady Heather - posted on 08/30/2011

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I don't look down my nose at anyone who works. And it's funny because a lot of SAHMs complain that they are looked down upon by the workers. As far as I can tell, if you are a mum then you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. There will always be people who don't approve of whatever you're doing and it's best not to listen to them.

Jackie - posted on 08/30/2011

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As I read these posts, it's upsetting how everybody generalizes as you have in this comment saying that "all the stay at home moms" look down on working moms. I've been home for 10 years, and I have working mom/and stay at home mom friends. Let me represent the SAHM's that support you. Whatever reason we all choose to stay home, or work..it's what is best for our families. Why can't we all just support each other, it's hard enough being a mom, we need each other :)

Shaylynn - posted on 08/27/2011

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I was a SAHM for 3yrs and i envied those who got to work and contribute to the household. I guess it all depends on the person. I currently work about 30 hrs a week and i wouldnt trade it for anything. And like i tell everyone else the only ppl that judge you are the ones that are jealous of what you have :)

Mary Gail - posted on 08/24/2011

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You know what? Who cares? If you know you are doing a good job and your children are loved/cared for, why would you give up your power by letting them impact you? You have better things to do with your time. : )

Krista - posted on 07/11/2011

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I think Darcel has it exactly right. Most SAHMs and WMs are too darned busy to worry about what the others are doing, and they understand that we're all just doing the best we can for our families.

But you always get that 2% who love to judge, and they're the ones who perpetuate the "mommy wars", which is a damn shame, really.

[deleted account]

Not all SAHMs look down on working mothers. I am a stay at home mom, and I know how lucky I am to be able to do that. Staying at home was all my mother wanted to do when she had us. However it wasn't in the cards. I know that almost all moms that work do it so that they can help give their kids the best life possible. I have NEVER thought that I am better than my mom because I get to stay home with my kids.

Stifler's - posted on 07/06/2011

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All the stay home mummies don't look down their noses at you. I wish I worked but it's cheaper/easier to stay home. I think you will find that is the case with a lot of stay home mums too. No one has ever judged me for staying home and I don't think I've ever heard anyone in real life say stuff about working mums not being as good as the stay home mums. Obviously there are sanctimonious earth mothers out there... but pfffft to them.

Rhonda - posted on 07/01/2011

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You just have to do what is best for your family. I would like to spend more time at home, but we need to pay our bills and my insurance. Don't be bothered by those who disagree with your family's choice. :-)

Jenni - posted on 07/01/2011

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*All* stay at home moms look down their noses at you?

I'm a SAHM and I have never looked down my nose at a working mom. Truth is; I don't really care either way or have a preference.

The way I see it there's an equal amount of pros and cons to each choice.

And we all get slack for whether we choose to sah or work. It a lose-lose situation. As a mom, you can't please everyone so just do what you feel is best for your family and be proud of it.

Besides many SAHM's become WM's at some point and vice versa.

Lorie - posted on 07/01/2011

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I did stay at home until the youngest of my four was pre-school age, then I started working. Now the oldest is twenty and the youngest is 14. I enjoyed staying home,but now I enjoy working too. It's just when the kids have school volenteer things,that I have to deal with the attitudes of some of them because I can't be there as much as they are. I feel often like they want me to feel like an outsider. "well, if you had been here for the____you would know we do it like this..." or "we understand YOUR special circumstances" in a tone like we're dysfunctional or something. I just dont get it...I dont judge them but yet I feel like I'm coming up short when that happens, and I'm not sure how to put them in their places when they do/say things like that to me, without ME sounding judgemental to them. I try to ignore it, but then it makes me angry...

[deleted account]

Hell it's summer break for me and I'm kinda feeling ancy. It's 115 degrees outside so we need to stay inside. Trips to the library, mall, & movie theatres are beyond gettin gon my last nerve becasue that's where all the other SAHMs go with their baby brigades of toddlers, crying babies, and never-ending stroller parking lots! Sorry-sounds harsh but it's the truth! I'm not cut out to love that aspect of parenting. At least the indoor- basketball courts are a baby/toddler-free zone and my son can practice with kids his age. Therefore, 2 times a week my son ASKS to go to daycare. Seriously-he loves being there with his friends, and cousins. They go on daily field trip-today was a local ice cream shop where they were able to learn how to make ice cream, then sample their creations. Tomorrow they are going to Bass Pro Shop for summer crafts. Yesterday I had 4 boys over here playing all day long. I had no problems, since the boys all rotate to the other homes-but still hard to keep the kids entertained! Good thing I pulled out some discarded sceince fair boards and instructed them to make Treasure Maps! Two thumbs up to SAHM!

Katherine - posted on 06/29/2011

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I'm like Sharon. I need my respite. I work to get that. I was a SAHM for 2 years and it made me nuts. It makes me feel better to work too. I really enjoy it.

Sara - posted on 06/29/2011

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I don't think all SAHM's look down on working Moms either. I have been on both sides. I worked full-time outside the home for the first two and half years of my daughter's life and just recently started staying home full-time because we're having another baby soon. Neither is easy and each scenario has it's own unique challenges. I think some people are just sensitive to what other people think, but you know what? I could give a damn what anyone but my husband and my children think of what I do for a living. :)

[deleted account]

I actually have a lot of praise for SAHMs because it's something I just couldn;t do! Not for me! But I know some SAHMs that suits their lifestyle just perfectly.

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 06/29/2011

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Yep, judged either way is the best way to put it. We can't please everyone and there will always be those who are totally against SAHM and those who are against working mothers. I just wish people could at least be a little more civil about it lol geez

[deleted account]

I personally have never ever felt shunned or less-than-a-mom because I work. I'm career-oriented and love what I do. I was fortunate to have a part-time teaching position 3 days a week when my son was a toddler. But hey, I would go beyond bonkers if I was a SAHM! No shame at all in being a proud working Mom :-)

Kate CP - posted on 06/29/2011

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I have the opposite problem. People keep asking me when I'm going back to work. My son is 5 months old and I want to spend time with him. We can afford to have me stay home and watch the baby and his older sister so I do.

I don't look down at other moms who work. Some have to for monetary reasons and some have to for sanity reasons (which I *totally* understand). Either way, you do what you have to do for your family.

Jennifer - posted on 06/29/2011

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I agree with Amber, no matter what you do, you are going to find people that don't approve. I used to work until 3 years ago. I over heard a nurse (I was a nursing assistant in a nursing home) say to some others, that she would never be a mom, because she works, and what is the point of having children for others to raise. That made me feel an inch tall. When I became a SAHM, I kept getting the "and what do you do all day" question, and I still do. As long as you are pleased with what you do, you have happy healthy children and SO (if there is one), then you are doing exactly what you need to do. Ignor everyone else.

Amy - posted on 06/29/2011

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I'm a working mom and I'm pretty good friends with a couple of stay at home moms and I've never felt that they look down at me because I work. They definitely feel bad for me because I work crazy hours and so does my husband but like you I work to help support the family. I honestly don't know how it even gets brought up because to me it's rude to ask someone what they do for work, it's not like that defines them as a person and for me it's not required information to make a judgement if I'm going to get along with them.

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