Working mums

Cathralynn - posted on 11/19/2009

I stayed home with my girl for two mo and then sent her to grandma's while I went back to work. You still miss firsts. Don't feel guilty for doing what's best for your family. I used to forbid grandma from doing anything with my bean that we hadn't already done together so I didn't miss out on a first activity. I realized real quick you get your own firsts. The first time your daughter smiled for you is the best and it doesn't compare to how anyone else describes it. Just be nice and try to ignore the first stories. Know that your baby will do it for you too and that is your first. The guilt doesn't go away it just changes. Its called being a mommy, you carry it with you always.

Lydia - posted on 11/19/2009

Even as a SAHM I missed firsts - her Grandma got her first smile while I was in the bathroom. She only said "mama" (intentionally) once which - again - I was in the bathroom. I now cant remeber which firsts I actually got and which ones I missed - but I can understand the guilt factor. We all want to be there for the firsts. Just hope the fact that even SAHMs miss firsts too x x x

Kerry - posted on 11/19/2009

Simone:

I took 6 weeks off for both boys who are now almost 4 and almost 6.

It has been tough and yes I feel the guilt and yes I missed a few "firsts".
I think every mother regardless of where she works (at home or at an office) has guilt about something. I don't think it will ever go away.

Sometimes the guilt would make me focus on the negatives of having kids in daycare. I began to notice how much the boys enjoyed their friends at daycare and how much they do there (reading, activities, special events). I started to wonder if I went part-time if I could give them that much attention while running errands, cooking and cleaning with them at the same time. The answer was "no".

How do I find a balance?
Good question. Prioritize your time. Get a flexible work schedule. Ask for help. Accept help. Get enough sleep and nutrition. Scale way back on un-necessary activities.

I don't take weeks off for vacation but I take them off as single or half days to participate in school or daycare events or take them out and have fun.
It was a huge adjustment for me and I kept thinking I could do everything I used to do BEFORE I had the kids. When I stopped comparing myself to the "old" times - I was able to find my new groove. You'll find yours.

Can you work a flexible schedule?
How do you use your vacation time?

Take care,
Kerry

Kelley - posted on 11/18/2009

Simone, I went back to work a month after I had Bryce. He is now 4. I had a hard time leaving him, but I had to work. It was hard. You can do it. If I could have stayed home, I would have. I was there the first time he rolled over, but I was shovelling snow and I missed it. I can't believe you went back to work the day after you came home from the hospital! One thing I learned when I worked in daycare is that you don't really want the caretaker telling you the "first" thing your child did. Let them know that if it bothers you. Let you see it for yourself.

Andrea - posted on 11/18/2009

Nope. You really don't "get over "it, but you can find a way to cope! I had to go to work when my 1st son was a few weeks old, so I know where your coming from! I worked 10 hours a day in a chiropractors office, with a 2 hour lunch break. I would race to my in-laws house to visit him for 1 1/2 hours. When his "1st"s began, I had to finally tell my MIL to NOT tell me when he did them. I told her it broke my heart, and I gave her permission to deceive me!! And I was only working part time! By the time my 2nd baby was being planned for, I put my foot down and told my husband, "I will NOT have another baby if I can't stay at home with him, it isn't OK for them and it really isn't OK for me". It took a lot of creativity, financially, to pull this off. We have gone without things, had the phone turned off occasionally, worked part time jobs at night sporadically, been late on the mortgage, and I've never had a new car. Do I regret that?? NEVER! I have four children now, from 14 to 6 - and I would do it all again exactly the same. If it is possible for you to do this, I say to try it. You will never be disappointed you tried!