would u smack another mums child

Jenny - posted on 09/18/2009

It is strictly forbidden by law in Sweden to hit a child or anyone in any way!

And I am glad for that, use you're hands to caress.

Love

from Jenny in Sweden

Nicola - posted on 09/18/2009

I would and have smacked my own child, if a child misbehaved in my care they would be sat on the naughty step or in a reallky bad case i would call their mother to take them home! and just never have them in my house again!

Zaporah - posted on 09/17/2009

For starters, I wouldn't smack another moms child. I believe that what other people do with their children is their buisness. Now as for me personally, I do discipline my children but it not what you do but how you do it. Children need to know that there are boundries and not disciplining children is harming them instead of helping them.

Sandra - posted on 09/17/2009

Never. I don't smack my own children. I know other mom's who do smack there own children as well as other peoples when they are left in their care. I would not be happy if someone smacked my child. I would be a relationship ender.

Portia - posted on 09/17/2009

I discipline my children accordingly, but never dare to smack someones child. For me it's wrong. I would be very upset it someone touches my kids, they can let me know or put my children in time out,but smacking them is unacceptable. Friends should be there only to support but not to control. So, if my Children are acting up and I'm around, as a Mom, I should control my own Children, If I'm not around, they can put my Children separated in a safe place where they can't hurt themselves or anyone.

Amy - posted on 09/17/2009

Quoting Jenifer:

I don't spank, period, but if another mother spanked my son I'd be furious. She's probably end up in the hospital. I don't think it is my place to discipline someone else's child in the first place, but hitting a kid really takes things to another level. And even though no one here has said they'd do it, there are people out there who don't seem to have those boundaries. I just saw this in the news, and thought I should share it in this discussion:
http://www.cbsatlanta.com/news/20684677/...

After reading the article, that man would be lucky if security pulled me off of him.  If someone were to strike either of my kids, I  probably will loose "It" and beat the tar out of them.  If you have an issue with either of my kids, bring it up to me and let me or my husband handle it.  I get offended when someone corrects my kids verbally.

Jaime - posted on 09/17/2009

Quoting Jennifer:

Okay I would just like to go on record as saying there is a HUGE difference between spanking and smacking a child. Spanking is a form of correction when used in the right way and in a very calm manner. The good book says, spare the rod, spoil the child. The discipline is the spanking followed by adult teaching the correct way/behavior to do the next time. It is never okay to discipline some one else's child without their consent. I will get off my soap box now.

There isn't a HUGE difference between spanking and smacking a child.  Both actions involve physical force from one person to another.  The amount of force used makes no difference to the potentially damaging effects of the action.  Spanking in a calm manner? hmmm, not likely considering that spanking is a reaction.  And if a parent takes the time to calm down to a point where anger is removed from the reaction, then the spanking becomes premeditated and even more unnecessary.

The "good book" I will assume is the Bible and it does NOT say "spare the rod, spoil the child"--I promise. 

I have mentioned it before and I just want to reiterate to everyone that is in favour of spanking but completely opposed to the idea of spanking another person's child---why the intense opposition?  If you use spanking as a primary punishment or even a 'last resort' punishment when all else fails, how can you expect a daycare provider, family member or a friend to use discipline techniques like time-out, time-away, diversion, etc if you are so ADAMANT that your child will not respond the way you would expect to these practices?  Why is it so incomprehensible that a caregiver would discipline YOUR child using the measures that YOU use?  I mean if spankings are done with love and care and they don't really hurt the child, what the hell is the big deal?  Why, because you don't feel that it is another person's right to hit/smack/spank/swat/tap your child?  What makes it any more right for you to physically punish your child that it would turn into vigilantism or talks of legal action against a person that so much as raised a hand to your child???!!!  This is perhaps the most frustrating contradiction of this entire thread.  If spanking were truly embraced as a valid form of loving, caring discipline then the controversy over spanking a child would NOT exist.  Discipline is proactive...spanking is reactive, it's not a difficult concept!

Jenn - posted on 09/17/2009

I find it funny how many people think that kids these days are out of control because we don't spank like they did way back when. Well, I wasn't spanked as a child and me and my sister were respectful, well-behaved children. Sure we weren't perfect, but we didn't need to be spanked to behave. I am not a spanker and I'd like to think my son is well-behaved and respectful. Anyway, to answer the question - NO I wouldn't spank someone else's child. I've had a friend threaten her child that I will spank them if they don't behave and I wish she wouldn't say that because it would NEVER happen!

Jennifer - posted on 09/17/2009

Okay I would just like to go on record as saying there is a HUGE difference between spanking and smacking a child. Spanking is a form of correction when used in the right way and in a very calm manner. The good book says, spare the rod, spoil the child. The discipline is the spanking followed by adult teaching the correct way/behavior to do the next time. It is never okay to discipline some one else's child without their consent. I will get off my soap box now.

Clarice - posted on 09/17/2009

Yes it is very important to discipline your children. I'am the mother of five 3 boys and 2 girls. I believe if you spare the rod you spoil the child. And futher more i would rather for my children to love and respect me then be there best friends. i find that i lot of people who do not discipline their children are having a hard time with their children they are disobedient, mouthy, and down right unbearable and i'am just not going to go through that i my house. Always remember that you are the parent in charge of their lives and what they will become. That's motivation enough.

Lori - posted on 09/17/2009

Quoting Clare:

would u smack another mums child

hi there
alot of u are quick 2 smack your child if they are naugthty but would u smack another mums child if they were in your care or u were with there mum n the mother wasn't using the correct (i say that lightly) form of punishment as u deem 2 think! it worries me 2 think some mums would i think that would be outragueous if any mum done that!

"spanking" another child- or your own- lowers the child's self-esteem! there are so many other ways to discipline a young child!  remember: giving attention to those things they do well is #1!!  when bad behavior is the issue- try a "time away" for them, not too long, but enough so you can compose yourself and the child is left to "think" about the thing they did that was not okay.  QUICKLY let child know what they need to do differently next time- maybe an apology is in order if they hurt or said something not okay- age appropiate.   young children respond to quick discipline and then a positive action for next time.  good luck!

Jaime - posted on 09/17/2009

Quoting Betty:

I must confess I did smack another person's child as a knee jerk reaction to his biting. It hurt, I smacked. He never bit again. I apologized immediately to my friend for smacking her child as she was right there, she forgave me saying she'd do the same thing. The boy was not hurt in any way just shocked and astounded.
Be outraged all you want, it happened. It happens probly more than you care to admit. Most would be too scared to admit it anyway especially on public forum such as this. So I do not consider this a valid forum of discussion for child discipline as those who are in favor of loving use of corpral discipline vs the time out chair. The liberal world view of child rearing is at its best overly permissively abusive. Which generally speaking of course, developes selfish, self important, spoiled, emotionally stunted people who don't know the first thing of how to healthly apply much needed boundries for their own kids.

So because of your knee-jerk reaction to a CHILD biting you, smacking was the obvious course of discipline?  And because you think that it happens more than the world cares to admit, that makes it okay?  Did you ever consider that your knee-jerk reaction is a result of how you were disciplined as a child?  You reacted to bad behaviour with physical force---not exactly a productive method of teaching boundaries--you obviously didn't learn any.  Certainly you don't believe that smacking a child because he bit you will teach him about inappropriate behaviour?! 

Also, you make some extremely bold assumptions about liberals and place the sole responsibility of the creation of socially-defiant people on the use of discipline over corporal punishment.  First, this makes no sense...and second, where is this information available because I'd like to read such a comprehensive study.  I mean if the exact cause of defiance has been discovered then certainly there will be information available to ALL parents so that they know the proper way to raise their children so as not to add to either the 'corrupt' liberal agenda or the crime rates.

Interesting though that you are "in favor of loving use of corpral discipline" but you "apologized immediately to [your] friend for smacking her child"... but of course, "the boy was not hurt in any way just shocked and astounded"  Ya, because emotional trauma is far less severe than physical pain!

Tangila - posted on 09/17/2009

I think everyone is making this post confusing. What does smacking have to do with spanking? Lets stick to the question at hand. I do not think its humane to smack anyone! As far as spanking... thats a personal preference and strictly between the parents and you. Also lets not forget that people post for us to help them and its not for us to get upset and turn this discussion into something ignorant by checking someone else about how they feel about the matter!

Tangila - posted on 09/17/2009

I think everyone is making this post confusing. What does smacking have to do with spanking? Lets stick to the question at hand. I do not think its humane to smack anyone! As far as spanking... thats a personal preference and strictly between the parents and you. Also lets not forget that people post for us to help them and its not for us to get upset and turn this discussion into something ignorant by checking someone else about how they feel about the matter!

Marie - posted on 09/17/2009

Interference by any other name ... just yesterday, I saw a mom trying to get her twin toddlers to sit down in the grocery cart. Just as mom turned away, one of them tried to stand up again. I reached out, put my hand on the child's arm and started to remind her that her mom told her to sit down. Mom started shouting at me; "Don't you dare touch my child or speak to my child. I don't care who you are, or what you do, I will not have strangers speaking to my children or touching my children!" I told her that I was sorry for having offended her, and she continued shouting! Finally, I just turned and walked away. Some people don't even want you to support their choices of discipline!

Betty - posted on 09/17/2009

I must confess I did smack another person's child as a knee jerk reaction to his biting. It hurt, I smacked. He never bit again. I apologized immediately to my friend for smacking her child as she was right there, she forgave me saying she'd do the same thing. The boy was not hurt in any way just shocked and astounded.

Be outraged all you want, it happened. It happens probly more than you care to admit. Most would be too scared to admit it anyway especially on public forum such as this. So I do not consider this a valid forum of discussion for child discipline as those who are in favor of loving use of corpral discipline vs the time out chair. The liberal world view of child rearing is at its best overly permissively abusive. Which generally speaking of course, developes selfish, self important, spoiled, emotionally stunted people who don't know the first thing of how to healthly apply much needed boundries for their own kids.

Barb - posted on 09/17/2009

no i would not smack someones eleses child that is the up 2 the parents 2 disapline their own kids and visa versa anyway the way the law is these days u cant smack ur child anyway.

Alysha - posted on 09/17/2009

no way! not even if they were related 2 me

Teresa - posted on 09/17/2009

First off I don't smack anyone, would you want to be smacked. There are so many other ways to lead your child to do the right thing you just have to think what would be the most effective for the individual child. Hitting is never the answer. I think hitting is outragous, let alone some elses child!!!! I would rather be hit for not raising them right..

Darlene - posted on 09/17/2009

Putting the kid in Time Out would be my punishment!

Sharon - posted on 09/17/2009

Misty - Totally agree with your comments on what the world has come to, largely as a result of us over-analysing our child rearing practices. I think we have thrown the baby out with the bath water on this one! With the introduction of the No Smacking Bill, here in NZ there is now no leverage left for the difficult child, the one who clocks up 20 convictions before they are old enough (18) to go to jail, which will be the first time an individual hears a "No" that has real consequences, and far too late. It is in the same category as the old, intellectualised, "aren't we just so clever and intelligent" belief that colustrum is bad for babies (DUH! Then they find out it is full of vitamin K and formulated specially by nature for the newborn). Congratulations to the many, many Mums who don't smack/spank their kids, they either have placid children or have found alternative means, but persecuting parents of children for whom the pacifist methods are not working, in unhelpful.

Sharon - posted on 09/17/2009

I have only ever done that once - a friend's toddler kept trying to run out onto the road at the park, her mother had made a game of chasing her when she went for the road, but my friend was heavily pregnant and tired after four pursuits so when the little girl next ran for the road, I caught up with her, growled her and smacked her hand. Mum had turned this into a dangerous game that could have had fatal consequences, if not that day, then another. The child's safety is worth more than making a friend angry.

Lori - posted on 09/17/2009

I don't believe in spanking, however, I would never say I haven't smacked my children. My rule is I never smack when I'm upset or angry with them. It can be an appropriate form of punishment if accompanied with explanation. When my son picks his nose or bites his nails, smacking his hand is more than appropriate.

Jaci - posted on 09/17/2009

Quoting Jaime:

Quoting Jaci:

Quoting Jaime:

Quoting Debbie:

Just because someone believes in spanking does not mean they should be free to use that form of discipline on someone elses child. For the mere fact of the controversy about it. Everyone is different. I do believe in spanking. Only if needed. I tell you I rarely need to because my children mind me well because of the discipline I use. I am not saying that I spank every time something is done. This is where wisdom comes in. I think every situation should be evaluated and decided upon as to what method of discipline should be used in that situation. I am not condoning abuse or striking a child in such a way that hurts them emotionally. But in the right circumstance a good old fashion spanking on the behind does not hurt. I have found it to help. Anyway I realize that is not the question. I feel it is each parents decision on how they want their child to be disciplined. So because of the difference in this decision I will not take it upon myself to spank someone elses child. Now if it were a close friend or family member and they left me incharge of the child and gave permission for me to spank if needed and the child really needed it, Yes I would. I would first try timeout and warn them and if they continued to be unruly I would pop their behind. I would never beat a child. Now concerning others spanking my child, first of all I wouldn't have someone that I didn't trust whole heartedly to be incharge over my child. Being a friend or family member I would and have given permission to pop their behind if they needed it. I have never had this as a problem though. They are well behaved.
Let me conclude with, it is each persons own business on how they discipline their own child. As long as it is not abuse. I have seen that most people who do just timeout have problem children. The children have no consequence for their actions. Sitting out is not I feel enough sometimes. It even states in the Bible that to spare the rod you spoil the child. So I feel as long as it is used right and at the right time and not in anger it is ok to use spanking as a method of discipline.

First, can we leave the f@#king bible out of this discussion for crap sake!  The bible is not a resource on child rearing...I promise!

 

Some people use it as a reference on child rearing just as some use self help books or advice from other people. Also, spanking is a form of discipline otherwise this conversation wouldn't even exist, they even used it in schools as a form of...you guessed it...discipline

If the bible was a valid reference on child rearing then it would be called "God's Parenting Handbook" and the primary focus would not be about a 30-something, peace-loving, philanthropist.  Self-help and advice books are entitled specifically to suit the purpose of the information within.  For example I have the book "What to Expect in the First Year"...this is a book that serves as a reference for the growth patterns and milestones that a child will undergo in their first year of life.  It's not a work of fiction, nor is it THE book on parenting.  A resource is simply that...a means of seeking information to better understand a situation--not a "how to" or a crash course in parenting skills.

There is nothing wrong with the bible...it's just not an effective or valid resource for parenting.

It's not "an effective or valid resource" for you but for others it is. It's is not called "God's Parenting Handbook" because that's not all the Bible is about but it does have references about parenting and some people use it the same way some people use the book you have. Different strokes for different folks

Jaci - posted on 09/17/2009

Quoting Jaime:

Quoting Jaci:

Quoting Jaime:

Quoting Debbie:

Just because someone believes in spanking does not mean they should be free to use that form of discipline on someone elses child. For the mere fact of the controversy about it. Everyone is different. I do believe in spanking. Only if needed. I tell you I rarely need to because my children mind me well because of the discipline I use. I am not saying that I spank every time something is done. This is where wisdom comes in. I think every situation should be evaluated and decided upon as to what method of discipline should be used in that situation. I am not condoning abuse or striking a child in such a way that hurts them emotionally. But in the right circumstance a good old fashion spanking on the behind does not hurt. I have found it to help. Anyway I realize that is not the question. I feel it is each parents decision on how they want their child to be disciplined. So because of the difference in this decision I will not take it upon myself to spank someone elses child. Now if it were a close friend or family member and they left me incharge of the child and gave permission for me to spank if needed and the child really needed it, Yes I would. I would first try timeout and warn them and if they continued to be unruly I would pop their behind. I would never beat a child. Now concerning others spanking my child, first of all I wouldn't have someone that I didn't trust whole heartedly to be incharge over my child. Being a friend or family member I would and have given permission to pop their behind if they needed it. I have never had this as a problem though. They are well behaved.
Let me conclude with, it is each persons own business on how they discipline their own child. As long as it is not abuse. I have seen that most people who do just timeout have problem children. The children have no consequence for their actions. Sitting out is not I feel enough sometimes. It even states in the Bible that to spare the rod you spoil the child. So I feel as long as it is used right and at the right time and not in anger it is ok to use spanking as a method of discipline.

First, can we leave the f@#king bible out of this discussion for crap sake!  The bible is not a resource on child rearing...I promise!

 

Some people use it as a reference on child rearing just as some use self help books or advice from other people. Also, spanking is a form of discipline otherwise this conversation wouldn't even exist, they even used it in schools as a form of...you guessed it...discipline

If the bible was a valid reference on child rearing then it would be called "God's Parenting Handbook" and the primary focus would not be about a 30-something, peace-loving, philanthropist.  Self-help and advice books are entitled specifically to suit the purpose of the information within.  For example I have the book "What to Expect in the First Year"...this is a book that serves as a reference for the growth patterns and milestones that a child will undergo in their first year of life.  It's not a work of fiction, nor is it THE book on parenting.  A resource is simply that...a means of seeking information to better understand a situation--not a "how to" or a crash course in parenting skills.

There is nothing wrong with the bible...it's just not an effective or valid resource for parenting.

It's not "an effective or valid resource" for you but for others it is. It's is not called "God's Parenting Handbook" because that's not all the Bible is about but it does have references about parenting and some people use it the same way some people use the book you have. Different strokes for different folks

Mendy - posted on 09/17/2009

NO... I would never touch another person's child! Everyone has their own method of discipline and regardless if it's your way or not , it must be respected.

Chani - posted on 09/17/2009

I don't think it is ever a good idea to spank someone else's child, mainly because your hand is not moderated by the love of the parent or the understanding of the child's behaviors as a parents may be.



I have disciplined other people's children, and even done it in front of the parents. I usually give time outs, denied treats or talking tos.

Crystal - posted on 09/17/2009

I would never smack another persons child - HOWEVER, when a child has been out of control and hitting or throwing things at MY child, I have taken things away from that child, and gone so far as picking the child up and bringing it to the other mom because she chose not to do anything about her child hurting mine. She didn't like it, but the other Mom's at this birthday party appreciated the fact that someone did something about this unruly behaviour.

Jaime - posted on 09/17/2009

Quoting Diana :

School started two weeks ago and already my 11year old son has been suspended from school, had to stay after school a couple of days for destroying school property, and has been in about 3 different fights. I have tried talking, grounding and spanking but nothing seems to work. His real mom threatens to call CPS on me for grounding him "too Much". Does anyone have any advice for me? She left her 2 children at ages 2 and 4 to go after her lover and I'm the bad Mom!!! I love my children, but I can't allow my son to continue doing whatever he wants at school..

I would seek professional advice...a psychologist or a counsellor would be your best options.  If you have tried everything---including spanking, and you feel that nothing is working, then perhaps a fresh perspective will give you the support you need to persevere through this difficult situation.  Often destructive behaviour is a 'cry' for help and perhaps your Son is expressing latent emotional trauma from feelings of abandonment.

Your experience is a great example as to why spanking is not effective and most definitely not in the best interest of the child.  Your Son has been in three fights, but how do you discipline his actions with a spanking and NOT expect him to be confused about the appropriateness of his behaviour?  With that being said, you are not a bad parent, and I'm sure that CPS would have removed your Son if they felt you were a danger to his well-being.

Jaime - posted on 09/17/2009

Quoting Diana :

School started two weeks ago and already my 11year old son has been suspended from school, had to stay after school a couple of days for destroying school property, and has been in about 3 different fights. I have tried talking, grounding and spanking but nothing seems to work. His real mom threatens to call CPS on me for grounding him "too Much". Does anyone have any advice for me? She left her 2 children at ages 2 and 4 to go after her lover and I'm the bad Mom!!! I love my children, but I can't allow my son to continue doing whatever he wants at school..

I would seek professional advice...a psychologist or a counsellor would be your best options.  If you have tried everything---including spanking, and you feel that nothing is working, then perhaps a fresh perspective will give you the support you need to persevere through this difficult situation.  Often destructive behaviour is a 'cry' for help and perhaps your Son is expressing latent emotional trauma from feelings of abandonment.

Your experience is a great example as to why spanking is not effective and most definitely not in the best interest of the child.  Your Son has been in three fights, but how do you discipline his actions with a spanking and NOT expect him to be confused about the appropriateness of his behaviour?  With that being said, you are not a bad parent, and I'm sure that CPS would have removed your Son if they felt you were a danger to his well-being.

Jaime - posted on 09/17/2009

Quoting Diana :

School started two weeks ago and already my 11year old son has been suspended from school, had to stay after school a couple of days for destroying school property, and has been in about 3 different fights. I have tried talking, grounding and spanking but nothing seems to work. His real mom threatens to call CPS on me for grounding him "too Much". Does anyone have any advice for me? She left her 2 children at ages 2 and 4 to go after her lover and I'm the bad Mom!!! I love my children, but I can't allow my son to continue doing whatever he wants at school..

I would seek professional advice...a psychologist or a counsellor would be your best options.  If you have tried everything---including spanking, and you feel that nothing is working, then perhaps a fresh perspective will give you the support you need to persevere through this difficult situation.  Often destructive behaviour is a 'cry' for help and perhaps your Son is expressing latent emotional trauma from feelings of abandonment.

Your experience is a great example as to why spanking is not effective and most definitely not in the best interest of the child.  Your Son has been in three fights, but how do you discipline his actions with a spanking and NOT expect him to be confused about the appropriateness of his behaviour?  With that being said, you are not a bad parent, and I'm sure that CPS would have removed your Son if they felt you were a danger to his well-being.

Diana - posted on 09/17/2009

School started two weeks ago and already my 11year old son has been suspended from school, had to stay after school a couple of days for destroying school property, and has been in about 3 different fights. I have tried talking, grounding and spanking but nothing seems to work. His real mom threatens to call CPS on me for grounding him "too Much". Does anyone have any advice for me? She left her 2 children at ages 2 and 4 to go after her lover and I'm the bad Mom!!! I love my children, but I can't allow my son to continue doing whatever he wants at school..

Jennifer - posted on 09/17/2009

I have actually had a friend tell me to smack her child because she was not in the mood to get up and put him in time out. I told her absolutely not. No I would not smack another mums child, may put in time out, but definitely not smack.

Kelly - posted on 09/17/2009

i find it disgusting that people feel they can smack another persons child as if you was to slap someone in the street it is assault. i do not agree with smacking i was smacked as a child and feel it is the wrong way to go about things i am not saying smacking is wrong but u do not do it to someone elses child it is not your right and quite frankly should be illegal!!

Kelly - posted on 09/17/2009

i find it disgusting that people feel they can smack another persons child as if you was to slap someone in the street it is assault. i do not agree with smacking i was smacked as a child and feel it is the wrong way to go about things i am not saying smacking is wrong but u do not do it to someone elses child it is not your right and quite frankly should be illegal!!

Teresa - posted on 09/17/2009

i believe in a spanking! however i would not just haul off and spank someone elses child. if i knew that parent, and was close to them then yes i would. my nieces, nephews, cousins, friends, and such know coming to my house what i believe in. it isnt the first thing i go to, i may use another type of discipline, and then decide what is next. depends of the offense.....

However, on a more serious note the Bible tell us in Proverbs 23:13 not to withhold correction, check it out!

Jaime - posted on 09/17/2009

Quoting Nancy:

I believe in spanking when it's really needed. Some kids really need it!!!!!!!! I was spanked and believe me I deserved it too - I could be so ornery to my siblings and didn't always do what I was told. But now I'm 42 and I am a good, honest, hard working woman - can't always say that about the kids being raised these days. But would I discipline another child, yes, I've had to. I did daycare for over 10 years and there were times when a spanking was absolutely necessary. I used time out 99% of the time but there are times when something a little harsher needs to be done. I have also slapped my nephews face when his words with me were totally rude and uncalled for. Luckily it was my sister and not a sister-in-law (or I'd be dead) but my sister was cool about it and very embarrassed about how her son behaved. She has also got on my kids too which is just fine with me. Sometimes we all need a little help even if it's with discipline. Overall I try to stay out of the way but I do wish people disciplined their children more. Some kids are so out of control, I've seen kids hit, slap, kick and spit at their mothers. God put us in control of our children not our children in control of US! I best thing you can do is love them wholeheartedly but don't be week at the same time. Parenting isn't for whimps!!!!!!!!!

Awesome!  Now I'm a coward AND a whimp because I don't spank my child.

Jaime - posted on 09/17/2009

Quoting Jaci:

Quoting Jaime:

Quoting Debbie:

Just because someone believes in spanking does not mean they should be free to use that form of discipline on someone elses child. For the mere fact of the controversy about it. Everyone is different. I do believe in spanking. Only if needed. I tell you I rarely need to because my children mind me well because of the discipline I use. I am not saying that I spank every time something is done. This is where wisdom comes in. I think every situation should be evaluated and decided upon as to what method of discipline should be used in that situation. I am not condoning abuse or striking a child in such a way that hurts them emotionally. But in the right circumstance a good old fashion spanking on the behind does not hurt. I have found it to help. Anyway I realize that is not the question. I feel it is each parents decision on how they want their child to be disciplined. So because of the difference in this decision I will not take it upon myself to spank someone elses child. Now if it were a close friend or family member and they left me incharge of the child and gave permission for me to spank if needed and the child really needed it, Yes I would. I would first try timeout and warn them and if they continued to be unruly I would pop their behind. I would never beat a child. Now concerning others spanking my child, first of all I wouldn't have someone that I didn't trust whole heartedly to be incharge over my child. Being a friend or family member I would and have given permission to pop their behind if they needed it. I have never had this as a problem though. They are well behaved.
Let me conclude with, it is each persons own business on how they discipline their own child. As long as it is not abuse. I have seen that most people who do just timeout have problem children. The children have no consequence for their actions. Sitting out is not I feel enough sometimes. It even states in the Bible that to spare the rod you spoil the child. So I feel as long as it is used right and at the right time and not in anger it is ok to use spanking as a method of discipline.

First, can we leave the f@#king bible out of this discussion for crap sake!  The bible is not a resource on child rearing...I promise!

 

Some people use it as a reference on child rearing just as some use self help books or advice from other people. Also, spanking is a form of discipline otherwise this conversation wouldn't even exist, they even used it in schools as a form of...you guessed it...discipline

If the bible was a valid reference on child rearing then it would be called "God's Parenting Handbook" and the primary focus would not be about a 30-something, peace-loving, philanthropist.  Self-help and advice books are entitled specifically to suit the purpose of the information within.  For example I have the book "What to Expect in the First Year"...this is a book that serves as a reference for the growth patterns and milestones that a child will undergo in their first year of life.  It's not a work of fiction, nor is it THE book on parenting.  A resource is simply that...a means of seeking information to better understand a situation--not a "how to" or a crash course in parenting skills.

There is nothing wrong with the bible...it's just not an effective or valid resource for parenting.

Nancy - posted on 09/17/2009

I believe in spanking when it's really needed. Some kids really need it!!!!!!!! I was spanked and believe me I deserved it too - I could be so ornery to my siblings and didn't always do what I was told. But now I'm 42 and I am a good, honest, hard working woman - can't always say that about the kids being raised these days. But would I discipline another child, yes, I've had to. I did daycare for over 10 years and there were times when a spanking was absolutely necessary. I used time out 99% of the time but there are times when something a little harsher needs to be done. I have also slapped my nephews face when his words with me were totally rude and uncalled for. Luckily it was my sister and not a sister-in-law (or I'd be dead) but my sister was cool about it and very embarrassed about how her son behaved. She has also got on my kids too which is just fine with me. Sometimes we all need a little help even if it's with discipline. Overall I try to stay out of the way but I do wish people disciplined their children more. Some kids are so out of control, I've seen kids hit, slap, kick and spit at their mothers. God put us in control of our children not our children in control of US! I best thing you can do is love them wholeheartedly but don't be week at the same time. Parenting isn't for whimps!!!!!!!!!

Nancy - posted on 09/17/2009

I believe in spanking when it's really needed. Some kids really need it!!!!!!!! I was spanked and believe me I deserved it too - I could be so ornery to my siblings and didn't always do what I was told. But now I'm 42 and I am a good, honest, hard working woman - can't always say that about the kids being raised these days. But would I discipline another child, yes, I've had to. I did daycare for over 10 years and there were times when a spanking was absolutely necessary. I used time out 99% of the time but there are times when something a little harsher needs to be done. I have also slapped my nephews face when his words with me were totally rude and uncalled for. Luckily it was my sister and not a sister-in-law (or I'd be dead) but my sister was cool about it and very embarrassed about how her son behaved. She has also got on my kids too which is just fine with me. Sometimes we all need a little help even if it's with discipline. Overall I try to stay out of the way but I do wish people disciplined their children more. Some kids are so out of control, I've seen kids hit, slap, kick and spit at their mothers. God put us in control of our children not our children in control of US! I best thing you can do is love them wholeheartedly but don't be week at the same time. Parenting isn't for whimps!!!!!!!!!

Leslie - posted on 09/17/2009

Absolutely not. There is a line and I would say that certainly crosses it. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you": I wouldn't want someone else to smack my children and so I will show other moms the same respect that I expect.

Jaime - posted on 09/17/2009

Quoting Jaci:

Quoting Jaime:

Quoting Jaci:

Quoting Jaime:

I don't spank and I won't spank...not my child or anyone else. I believe in discipline, even if it takes a lot of work. I think that asking whether or not a 'spanker' would spank another person's child is a valid question because there are so many mothers that believe in it as a form of 'discipline', but when asked if they would use it on a child not their own, they are almost certainly offended at the thought. It's a fair question. If a person that uses spanking believes that spanking is the ONLY way to discipline their child, should they not then expect people to spank their child at school, daycare or elsewhere? And for that matter, if a person believes in spanking and watches the child of a friend that believes in spanking...should they not consider spanking to be the first form of discipline to use each time, instead of time-outs? It's funny to see the reactions of Moms that spank their kids, when asked if they would spank another person's kid. Some Moms have agreed that they would if given permission...but then I wonder, why wait for permission? If some Moms believe that spanking is acceptable and harmless, then what's the big deal? Certainly Moms that use time-out don't need permission to put another child on a time-out if they are babysitting. This topic never ceases to fascinate me because the underlying contradictions involved in spanking, provide a perfect example as to why spanking is not the best form of discipline for any child.

I believe in spanking, I grew up in a very loving home and I occasionally got spanked. I took a class called Growing Kids God's Way and they talked about spanking, as far as spanking another person's child or having someone else spank my child I think it is wrong. Spanking should be done by a mother or a father because it is a last resort as dicipline and it in the Bible only parents are called to "chastise" their child. I also believe you should never do it in front of anyone because it should not be used as a form of embarrassing the child. It should never be done excessively and according to our growing kids God's way you shouldn't have to spank after 7 yrs. old. I think that those that do not believe in spanking if they'd take the class my husband and I did they would feel differently, not necessarily change their mind and decide to start spanking but see how some of us view it.

I think the bible and God should be left out of this conversation.  I don't care what THE BIBLE says about discipline...it's not helpful to a discussion about spanking.  If we were discussing history or politics then the bible would serve as an interesting viewpoint for the many facets of social idealism, but when it comes to "how to raise your kids properly"  the bible can't help you, so it does not and will not serve as a good reference or resource from which to pull a rebuttal argument against what I have said.  Teaching children 'right' from 'wrong' is a difficult task because we cannot actually teach children what is right and what is wrong...these terms are subjective and can only be defined and determined by each individual person.  By using proactive parenting techniques that focus on communication as the core value for creating a positive disciplinary base, parents are likely to be more effective in their approach to discipline because respect is established on the part of both parents and children.  Using fear to startle a child into a desired behaviour (which is exactly what spanking does), will most certainly confuse and perhaps even mentally, emotionally or physically damage the delicate psyche of a not-yet fully developed, rationally-thinking mind.

I'm sorry you feel that way about the Bible but the question was about discipline and the thoughts of different people and my thoughts on discipline and the way I discipline come from the Bible but not just that from the class we took and my experiences as a child and a mother, the question calls for my opinion and I stated my opinion with my beliefs, I had respect for yours and I expect respect for mine. My children are also NEVER fearful of me, they don't cower or anything like that. You do not spank to hurt a child, you do it to startle and get their attention, sometimes time outs don't work because the child just plays where they are and sometimes talking to them doesn't work because they do it again, so what are you going to do continue to talk to them and put them in time out, hoping they get it without any other consequences?

Don't be sorry for my feelings about the bible...I'm not losing sleep over it, I promise.  And, as much as my viewpoint might frustrate and perhaps even anger you, it is not by any means disrespectful toward you or your opinion.

That being said, you made a bold assumption about fear when you said "My children are also NEVER fearful of me, the don't cower or anything like that. You do not spank to hurt a child, you do it to startle and get their attention".....I have to question this mindset once again because you claim that your children don't fear you, but you use spanking as a means to startle and get their attention---all the while doing so without hurting them.  Well I guess the problem I have with this frame of thinking is the fact that you cannot possibly KNOW whether or not a spanking is hurtful to your child.  They might not react physically, but the mental and emotional aspects are far greater and not as easily detectable.  Spanking a child to startle them will most certainly instill fear because if you startle someone their automatic "fight or flight" adrenaline response kicks in.  You have no control over that reaction because it is the body's defence against an unwanted action.  With that in mind, I don't see how a spanking is in the best interest of any child--no matter the level of their defiance.

As I have previously stated, discipline is proactive and spanking is reactive.  There is no argument for the 'right' vs. the 'wrong' way to teach our children about consequences to their behaviour, because spanking does not teach.  The primary goal of discipline is to teach and to help children learn about the consequence of their behaviour (good or bad).  Discipline puts the onus on the child to communicate their emotions rather than act on them.

Crystal - posted on 09/17/2009

Their are other means to do thing then to hit another child. To smack someone child is not the way to go. The child is for the parent right and not anyone else. For a person to do that, they have to look at themself and ask if they like it if a stranger came and hit them on the face.

Leslie - posted on 09/17/2009

Absolutely not. There is a line and I would say that certainly crosses it. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you": I wouldn't want someone else to smack my children and so I will show other moms the same respect that I expect.

Tatiana - posted on 09/17/2009

I don't agree with hitting my own child. I believe in punishments such as taking away something they enjoy like their video games. If they are old enough...with my little one time out works wonders he knows if I count to 3 and he still isn't listening he gets punished. It always worked with my oldest two. They are now 13 and 14! They have great manners and are very well behaved. Teachers always complement me on their behavior so for me that has worked. Now if anybody ever lay a hand on my children you better believe there would be issues! I am their parent and no one else has a right to hit them. If they punish them that's o.k. by me. I don't even like people raising their voice at my children. I guess I was always lucky enough to be a stay at home wife! I hope my responce helps.

Jaci - posted on 09/17/2009

Quoting Jaime:

Quoting Debbie:

Just because someone believes in spanking does not mean they should be free to use that form of discipline on someone elses child. For the mere fact of the controversy about it. Everyone is different. I do believe in spanking. Only if needed. I tell you I rarely need to because my children mind me well because of the discipline I use. I am not saying that I spank every time something is done. This is where wisdom comes in. I think every situation should be evaluated and decided upon as to what method of discipline should be used in that situation. I am not condoning abuse or striking a child in such a way that hurts them emotionally. But in the right circumstance a good old fashion spanking on the behind does not hurt. I have found it to help. Anyway I realize that is not the question. I feel it is each parents decision on how they want their child to be disciplined. So because of the difference in this decision I will not take it upon myself to spank someone elses child. Now if it were a close friend or family member and they left me incharge of the child and gave permission for me to spank if needed and the child really needed it, Yes I would. I would first try timeout and warn them and if they continued to be unruly I would pop their behind. I would never beat a child. Now concerning others spanking my child, first of all I wouldn't have someone that I didn't trust whole heartedly to be incharge over my child. Being a friend or family member I would and have given permission to pop their behind if they needed it. I have never had this as a problem though. They are well behaved.
Let me conclude with, it is each persons own business on how they discipline their own child. As long as it is not abuse. I have seen that most people who do just timeout have problem children. The children have no consequence for their actions. Sitting out is not I feel enough sometimes. It even states in the Bible that to spare the rod you spoil the child. So I feel as long as it is used right and at the right time and not in anger it is ok to use spanking as a method of discipline.

First, can we leave the f@#king bible out of this discussion for crap sake!  The bible is not a resource on child rearing...I promise!

 

Some people use it as a reference on child rearing just as some use self help books or advice from other people. Also, spanking is a form of discipline otherwise this conversation wouldn't even exist, they even used it in schools as a form of...you guessed it...discipline

Barbara - posted on 09/17/2009

Never, ever! What you think is light punishment another mother might see as abuse. If it is a friend, you could lose a friendship. If it is a stranger, it could be much worse. You could face assault charges.

Melinda - posted on 09/17/2009

I would not smack another person's child, but I will verbally redirect the child. It's up to each parent to rear his/her child as they see fit. I am not quick to smack my own because most of the time talking to a child goes a lot further and helps establish the needed relationship/skills for life.

Jaci - posted on 09/17/2009

Quoting Jaime:

Quoting Jaci:

Quoting Jaime:

I don't spank and I won't spank...not my child or anyone else. I believe in discipline, even if it takes a lot of work. I think that asking whether or not a 'spanker' would spank another person's child is a valid question because there are so many mothers that believe in it as a form of 'discipline', but when asked if they would use it on a child not their own, they are almost certainly offended at the thought. It's a fair question. If a person that uses spanking believes that spanking is the ONLY way to discipline their child, should they not then expect people to spank their child at school, daycare or elsewhere? And for that matter, if a person believes in spanking and watches the child of a friend that believes in spanking...should they not consider spanking to be the first form of discipline to use each time, instead of time-outs? It's funny to see the reactions of Moms that spank their kids, when asked if they would spank another person's kid. Some Moms have agreed that they would if given permission...but then I wonder, why wait for permission? If some Moms believe that spanking is acceptable and harmless, then what's the big deal? Certainly Moms that use time-out don't need permission to put another child on a time-out if they are babysitting. This topic never ceases to fascinate me because the underlying contradictions involved in spanking, provide a perfect example as to why spanking is not the best form of discipline for any child.

I believe in spanking, I grew up in a very loving home and I occasionally got spanked. I took a class called Growing Kids God's Way and they talked about spanking, as far as spanking another person's child or having someone else spank my child I think it is wrong. Spanking should be done by a mother or a father because it is a last resort as dicipline and it in the Bible only parents are called to "chastise" their child. I also believe you should never do it in front of anyone because it should not be used as a form of embarrassing the child. It should never be done excessively and according to our growing kids God's way you shouldn't have to spank after 7 yrs. old. I think that those that do not believe in spanking if they'd take the class my husband and I did they would feel differently, not necessarily change their mind and decide to start spanking but see how some of us view it.

I think the bible and God should be left out of this conversation.  I don't care what THE BIBLE says about discipline...it's not helpful to a discussion about spanking.  If we were discussing history or politics then the bible would serve as an interesting viewpoint for the many facets of social idealism, but when it comes to "how to raise your kids properly"  the bible can't help you, so it does not and will not serve as a good reference or resource from which to pull a rebuttal argument against what I have said.  Teaching children 'right' from 'wrong' is a difficult task because we cannot actually teach children what is right and what is wrong...these terms are subjective and can only be defined and determined by each individual person.  By using proactive parenting techniques that focus on communication as the core value for creating a positive disciplinary base, parents are likely to be more effective in their approach to discipline because respect is established on the part of both parents and children.  Using fear to startle a child into a desired behaviour (which is exactly what spanking does), will most certainly confuse and perhaps even mentally, emotionally or physically damage the delicate psyche of a not-yet fully developed, rationally-thinking mind.

I'm sorry you feel that way about the Bible but the question was about discipline and the thoughts of different people and my thoughts on discipline and the way I discipline come from the Bible but not just that from the class we took and my experiences as a child and a mother, the question calls for my opinion and I stated my opinion with my beliefs, I had respect for yours and I expect respect for mine. My children are also NEVER fearful of me, they don't cower or anything like that. You do not spank to hurt a child, you do it to startle and get their attention, sometimes time outs don't work because the child just plays where they are and sometimes talking to them doesn't work because they do it again, so what are you going to do continue to talk to them and put them in time out, hoping they get it without any other consequences?

Vickie - posted on 09/17/2009

Spanking is a last resort and only if all other methods fail. Spanking doesn't solve anything. When a child turns 7, they reach the age of reason. If talking doesn't work & time out becomes a joke, standing in the corner does work. And taking away priveleges, i.e. playing video games, tv or simply sending one's child to their room to sit & think about why they are being punished are much more effective.



Smacking someone else's child is way out of the question! I'd more than throw a fit if another mum dared to smack my child! I'm with Lucy, I'd be very tempted to to haul off & backhand any mum who dared try it with my kid!