would u smack another mums child

Jaime - posted on 09/10/2009

Quoting Genava:

Hello Clare,

Like yourself, I was brought up in the same manner of having spankings form my parents. I thank them today of the discipline that they gave me because it taught me of what was "right" from "wrong". The problem with society pertaining to children is that we are not able to do what our parents did back in the day (I am 44), went "old school" on our butts. I see so many children growing up today with disrespect for adults and think they do what ever they choose to do. I am obtaining my doctorates in education leadership, and the behaviors of some of these kids in school, out in public, and the home front is absolutely uncalled for. I will not spank another parents child, but I will definately let that parent know how I feel about his or her child. In the United State there is freedom of choice. In the bible it states, "spare the rod, spoil the child." Good question Clare.

It's interesting that you would say "In the United State there is freedom of choice....and then immediately afterward "In the bible it states"....

The obvious, and well-known separation between Church and State should come to mind first off, but then...wtf does freedom of choice have to do with the bible?

Tanya - posted on 09/10/2009

I also agree with you Jamie leigh but yeeks you are going to get some feed back now..lol..:-)

Charlie - posted on 09/10/2009

Jamie Leigh , i applaud your comment !!
Well said .

Jaime - posted on 09/10/2009

Quoting Jaci:

Quoting Jaime:

I don't spank and I won't spank...not my child or anyone else. I believe in discipline, even if it takes a lot of work. I think that asking whether or not a 'spanker' would spank another person's child is a valid question because there are so many mothers that believe in it as a form of 'discipline', but when asked if they would use it on a child not their own, they are almost certainly offended at the thought. It's a fair question. If a person that uses spanking believes that spanking is the ONLY way to discipline their child, should they not then expect people to spank their child at school, daycare or elsewhere? And for that matter, if a person believes in spanking and watches the child of a friend that believes in spanking...should they not consider spanking to be the first form of discipline to use each time, instead of time-outs? It's funny to see the reactions of Moms that spank their kids, when asked if they would spank another person's kid. Some Moms have agreed that they would if given permission...but then I wonder, why wait for permission? If some Moms believe that spanking is acceptable and harmless, then what's the big deal? Certainly Moms that use time-out don't need permission to put another child on a time-out if they are babysitting. This topic never ceases to fascinate me because the underlying contradictions involved in spanking, provide a perfect example as to why spanking is not the best form of discipline for any child.

I believe in spanking, I grew up in a very loving home and I occasionally got spanked. I took a class called Growing Kids God's Way and they talked about spanking, as far as spanking another person's child or having someone else spank my child I think it is wrong. Spanking should be done by a mother or a father because it is a last resort as dicipline and it in the Bible only parents are called to "chastise" their child. I also believe you should never do it in front of anyone because it should not be used as a form of embarrassing the child. It should never be done excessively and according to our growing kids God's way you shouldn't have to spank after 7 yrs. old. I think that those that do not believe in spanking if they'd take the class my husband and I did they would feel differently, not necessarily change their mind and decide to start spanking but see how some of us view it.

I think the bible and God should be left out of this conversation.  I don't care what THE BIBLE says about discipline...it's not helpful to a discussion about spanking.  If we were discussing history or politics then the bible would serve as an interesting viewpoint for the many facets of social idealism, but when it comes to "how to raise your kids properly"  the bible can't help you, so it does not and will not serve as a good reference or resource from which to pull a rebuttal argument against what I have said.  Teaching children 'right' from 'wrong' is a difficult task because we cannot actually teach children what is right and what is wrong...these terms are subjective and can only be defined and determined by each individual person.  By using proactive parenting techniques that focus on communication as the core value for creating a positive disciplinary base, parents are likely to be more effective in their approach to discipline because respect is established on the part of both parents and children.  Using fear to startle a child into a desired behaviour (which is exactly what spanking does), will most certainly confuse and perhaps even mentally, emotionally or physically damage the delicate psyche of a not-yet fully developed, rationally-thinking mind.

Charlie - posted on 09/10/2009

It blows my mind that it is so easy to train a dog without striking it , yet it seems impossible for some people to teach discipline without the use of striking , smacking , spanking , popping whatever you want to call it to a child .
i wouldn't leave my child in the care of someone who hits children anyway and i certainly wouldn't strike someone else's child .
I had a class of over thirty , 5 year olds and never once had the urge to " spank " any of them , there are so many other ways to deal children that work with a little consistency , communication and respect .

Chryssanthe - posted on 09/10/2009

Have have 3 children my eldest daughter is 12 in a couple of weeks, then my son who is also turning 8 soon & a 3 month old. I totally agree that disciple is a personal choice, to spank or not to spank. The punishment when my kids misbehave is sitting at the wall for time out, this is a form of discipline I would be comfortable handing out to any child that enters my home. Not to say I have never smacked my older children, but it has been in extreme circumstances when they have behaved incredibly bad, disrespectful or done something outright dangerous. These moments are few and far between. I guess it's a combination of time out, talks & extra chores handed out that seem to keep them in line the majority of the time.
On that note if a child is in someones care I feel they have to right to discipline the child, but certainly NOT by smacking - personally I would be seriously pissed if some other mother/father smacked my children and they would have me to answer to...

Heather - posted on 09/10/2009

I've been a mum for over 20 years now - and my opinions have changed A LOT. I used to think that if they were naughty that a whack wasn't out of line. I now reserve that for occasionally on my own kids. Usually I try another form of punishment - like time out.
I used to think that a little smack, not done in anger, was ok if it was consistent with what the kid's parent does, but now I disagree. To smack your own child doesn't equal abuse because the kid knows that you love them and it's a very small part of your relationship with them. But you DON'T have that same relationship with a non-relative.
I'd use another method of appropriate discipline, tell the mum when she returns and let the kid know that if inappropriate behaviour continues that they won't be welcome here anymore. But don't expect ANY kid to behave ALL the time. None ever do!!

Rose - posted on 09/10/2009

the man in Walmart's did not spank, swat, or pop on the bottom..what he did was violent ABUSE...and it was not meant to be discipline for the child..He obviously is nuts!! My point is that there is a huge difference in the two.

Elizabeth - posted on 09/10/2009

no you dont Spank other peoples children. Its becomes a respect issue. Only parents should spank.

Rose - posted on 09/10/2009

Before I agree to keep a child, I discuss discipline with the parent..If she disagrees with a swat on the bottom, I let her (him) know that I will try their form of discipline first but if the misbehavior continues then I will resort to the bottom swat. If this is not acceptable to them then I do not keep the child. If the parent is present while the child is misbehaving and does nothing, I will try to do whatever to make him behave but no swatting..If it doesn't work, I quickly find an excuse to cut the visit short!!

Tanya - posted on 09/10/2009

hi there every one...I personaly would never leave my children in anyones care that i thought if they were naughty would get a smack,I also would expect my friends to feel that there children are 100% safe with me when they leave them with me....

I believe smacking changes to character of a person there spirit is not the same as if they were not smacked..Just my opinion....

I disagree with any form of physical punishment weather it is a little tap on the bum or a bigger hit it has the same result meaning it degrades the person ...

other forms of punishment are just as effective without teaching the little person that violence is the way to resolve things in life ....

for me violence is a little tap or a big smack, I know it is hard to break the cycle if you have been smacked which i was but i thought i would like my chikdren to have a more calmer way of parenting ....so no i would never smack another persons child with or without there permission...at any age...:-)

Jaci - posted on 09/10/2009

Quoting Jaime:

I don't spank and I won't spank...not my child or anyone else. I believe in discipline, even if it takes a lot of work. I think that asking whether or not a 'spanker' would spank another person's child is a valid question because there are so many mothers that believe in it as a form of 'discipline', but when asked if they would use it on a child not their own, they are almost certainly offended at the thought. It's a fair question. If a person that uses spanking believes that spanking is the ONLY way to discipline their child, should they not then expect people to spank their child at school, daycare or elsewhere? And for that matter, if a person believes in spanking and watches the child of a friend that believes in spanking...should they not consider spanking to be the first form of discipline to use each time, instead of time-outs? It's funny to see the reactions of Moms that spank their kids, when asked if they would spank another person's kid. Some Moms have agreed that they would if given permission...but then I wonder, why wait for permission? If some Moms believe that spanking is acceptable and harmless, then what's the big deal? Certainly Moms that use time-out don't need permission to put another child on a time-out if they are babysitting. This topic never ceases to fascinate me because the underlying contradictions involved in spanking, provide a perfect example as to why spanking is not the best form of discipline for any child.

I believe in spanking, I grew up in a very loving home and I occasionally got spanked. I took a class called Growing Kids God's Way and they talked about spanking, as far as spanking another person's child or having someone else spank my child I think it is wrong. Spanking should be done by a mother or a father because it is a last resort as dicipline and it in the Bible only parents are called to "chastise" their child. I also believe you should never do it in front of anyone because it should not be used as a form of embarrassing the child. It should never be done excessively and according to our growing kids God's way you shouldn't have to spank after 7 yrs. old. I think that those that do not believe in spanking if they'd take the class my husband and I did they would feel differently, not necessarily change their mind and decide to start spanking but see how some of us view it.

Virginia (Jenny) - posted on 09/10/2009

The rules in our house is that if we can't give your child a swat for rebellious behaviors, we won't watch your kid. It's not that we are swat happy, it takes a lot to get to that point. But kids can't be terrors in our home just because their parents are gone. It usually on takes one swat on the butt to make them realize you are serious and they might as well obey and start having some fun without being naughter.

Danielle - posted on 09/10/2009

When an adult hits another adult it is called assault and it is illegal. Why should this be any different for children? What does hitting a child teach them? Might makes right?

Genava - posted on 09/10/2009

Hello Clare,



Like yourself, I was brought up in the same manner of having spankings form my parents. I thank them today of the discipline that they gave me because it taught me of what was "right" from "wrong". The problem with society pertaining to children is that we are not able to do what our parents did back in the day (I am 44), went "old school" on our butts. I see so many children growing up today with disrespect for adults and think they do what ever they choose to do. I am obtaining my doctorates in education leadership, and the behaviors of some of these kids in school, out in public, and the home front is absolutely uncalled for. I will not spank another parents child, but I will definately let that parent know how I feel about his or her child. In the United State there is freedom of choice. In the bible it states, "spare the rod, spoil the child." Good question Clare.

Sara - posted on 09/10/2009

I don't think anyone should punish anyone else's child unless you are given permission and are very close to them. however I don't feel like smacking should ever be used in punishment. but everyone is different.

Amy - posted on 09/10/2009

I started feeling guilty for spanking my son, which I didn't do often anyway. As a single mother, I began to realize when I was stressed out or angry, then I'd check myself to see if I really wanted to swat him. I stopped spanking, then just started threatening a spank or a time out. That works for now. And I only have one...so maybe things would be different if I had more. I was spanked when I was little, but with my son being the way he is, I just don't think it's fair to him. He's even more obedient now.

Michele - posted on 09/10/2009

I would never smack another child. I occassionally will tap your grandson on the behind or tap his hand, but I would have a problem if someone else did that. So no I would never smack someone else's child.

Jessica - posted on 09/10/2009

No, I wouldn't spank someone else's child because I'm not comfortable, but it does sicken me to see all the folks out there raising kids that think repeating their requests of the child 30 times in their sweetest voice is going to be ample. If I were the person in charge of another person's kid and they'd raised their kid to IGNORE adult commands (like so many parents these days), I'd call them and tell them to come get their kid immediately. My children have been raised in a loving environment with discipline and I KNOW I can count on them to be respectful and obey the adult I leave in charge. I will NOT subject myself to punishment from a child that I can not protect. I would hate it if there were people who would avoid spending time w/ us b/c they felt our children were so undisciplined (running around restaurants instead of in their seat, etc.) that we weren't worth the company. Parents that don't discipline do their children no service.

Leah - posted on 09/10/2009

I'd NEVER smack another person's child. But I would reccommend that they give that child a good whoopin on their behind, if the child were old enough to know not to be disrespectful. I've had to "spank" my own children once each. I use the term "spank" lightly, because it was a tap that I gave them and they were so shocked that I would have to do that, that they were ashamed they made me that angry in the first place. Especially after I cried with them for getting that angry. LOL Now, I only send them to their rooms.

Jaime - posted on 09/10/2009

Quoting Tish:

There is NO WAY I would hit another persons child. I read a post earlier where a woman said that she would discuss discipline with the parent first and if the parent wasn't in agreement with a "smacking" then she wouldn't be watching that child. Lady, you have no business watching anyone elses child, if you feel that way about it. If anyone were to smack or spank my child I can promise you that the woman who touched my child would be taking a ride in an Ambulance AFTER I beat the crap out of them. I am not saying that I DO NOT believe in spanking a child, because I do. I just DO NOT agree with some other person touching my child, whether it be a sitter, a teacher, or a principal. There is NO ONE on the face of this earth, that I will ever give permission to to "smack or spank" my child.

You would "beat the crap out of" anyone that spanked your child, and yet you use spanking as punishment for bad behaviour....hmmm.  The first thing that comes to mind is that your child will most certainly be confused about discipline, believing that it is okay to physically assault someone if they do something that your child does not like.  Second, you have just provided another example as to why spanking is so wrapped up in controversy.  I have seen it countless times on other threads, that mothers who spank their children will claim it is the ONLY thing that works when disciplining their child after trying and trying other methods (such as time-out)...so I wonder then, if spanking IS the only thing that works as a punishment for bad behaviour to these children--why the uproar about another person using this same disciplinary tactic on your child?  And if other people are not permitted to spank a child that has been deemed resistant to all other forms of discipline, what exactly are other people supposed to do if it is well known that nothing else works?....I think I'm starting to see a cycle back to the argument that spanking is not necessary.  Discipline is proactive not reactive.

Sondra - posted on 09/10/2009

Let me clarify this. I would only spank someone else's child with parental permission, never without it and only one smack. They of course would have to be old enough to understand and be openly defiant about something.

Lynn - posted on 09/10/2009

Quoting Clare:

would u smack another mums child

hi there
alot of u are quick 2 smack your child if they are naugthty but would u smack another mums child if they were in your care or u were with there mum n the mother wasn't using the correct (i say that lightly) form of punishment as u deem 2 think! it worries me 2 think some mums would i think that would be outragueous if any mum done that!

Why are all you guys talking about strangers smacking your kids (ie: Walmart incident)?  Did you even read her question?  It says "if they were in your care" or "if you were with their mum" as if you were friends or relatives.  I also wonder which is more damaging to your child - a smack for misbehavior or witnessing your mum committ felony assault on another adult?

Lynn - posted on 09/10/2009

When my kids were little, I had a 12" ruler with a smiley face on one side and a frowny face on the other. It also said good choice/bad choice. When they needed it, I would simply say "Are you making a good choice" and they knew what I meant. That stick never did get used for hitting them, but I would show it to them and that was enough. On a lighter note, they are teenagers now and tower over me. One day when my son had some friends over and needed to do some chores, I got a 2x4 and drew a smiley/frowny face on it. When I came in with that and said "Are you making a good choice" we all got a big laugh! But that was my personal style and is not for everyone. Once when visiting a friend, I was horrified at her young son who was screaming at her and kicking her and I told her about my stick. Out of desperation, she went and got a huge metal spoon and then I was the one who was alarmed. You gotta have enough sense and self control to use this tool and I was wrong for suggesting it to her. As for other people's kids? If you trust someone enough to let them watch your kids, you should also trust their judgement when it comes to discipline.

Jo - posted on 09/09/2009

anyone that preaches smacking or no smacking needs to get a life!! It is nobody's business whether you do or don't smack your child. as for somebody smacking my child....They wouldn't dare!! as for the comment above about parents who smack their children don't know how to parent........how insulting! what makes you an expert on the subject Donna? Everybody does the best they can, and I would be interested to see how your children turn out seen as though you obviously know it all!

Riza - posted on 09/09/2009

i certainly won't do that. the child has her/his own mother to do the disciplining.If a child has done something very bad, i should tell the parent and let them do their own thing.
and no one has the right to smack my child.

Hope - posted on 09/09/2009

omg if someone smacked my child they would definately regret that decision and i would never smack somebody elses child that is not my place to dissipline other moms children.

Tish - posted on 09/09/2009

There is NO WAY I would hit another persons child. I read a post earlier where a woman said that she would discuss discipline with the parent first and if the parent wasn't in agreement with a "smacking" then she wouldn't be watching that child. Lady, you have no business watching anyone elses child, if you feel that way about it. If anyone were to smack or spank my child I can promise you that the woman who touched my child would be taking a ride in an Ambulance AFTER I beat the crap out of them. I am not saying that I DO NOT believe in spanking a child, because I do. I just DO NOT agree with some other person touching my child, whether it be a sitter, a teacher, or a principal. There is NO ONE on the face of this earth, that I will ever give permission to to "smack or spank" my child.

Sam - posted on 09/09/2009

I will be honest I am not sure how I feel about spanking as my child is not an age for any kind of discipline. I hope I would be able to discipline my child effectively without spanking, but I guess that depends on the occasion or the action of the child, especially if the child has done something that has really scared me. I am really not certain what would be an effective choice of discipline but I do know children need discipline. But I’ll tell you this if anyone dared laid a hand on my child, they be asking for more than they knew, friend or family. I absolutely do not believe any person should attempt to smack or aggressively discipline another person’s child. It is not their place, and vice versa it is not my place to spank another parents child even if they are friend or family. I dont even allow my parents to put in their opinion because it is my job to parent my child no one else. If i ask for some advice than i am expecting some advice alone. And the rule goes if you dont like it then dont do it to another person.

Sharlene - posted on 09/09/2009

I would never spank another persons child, as a teacher i know there are many ways of getting a 'thats not acceptable' message across. And woe betide anyone who laid a hand on one of my children!

Kay. - posted on 09/09/2009

I agree with you, I heard about the article where a man spanked another person's child and being outraged and upset is an understatement for the emotion that I would feel at that moment.

Jaime - posted on 09/09/2009

I don't spank and I won't spank...not my child or anyone else. I believe in discipline, even if it takes a lot of work. I think that asking whether or not a 'spanker' would spank another person's child is a valid question because there are so many mothers that believe in it as a form of 'discipline', but when asked if they would use it on a child not their own, they are almost certainly offended at the thought. It's a fair question. If a person that uses spanking believes that spanking is the ONLY way to discipline their child, should they not then expect people to spank their child at school, daycare or elsewhere? And for that matter, if a person believes in spanking and watches the child of a friend that believes in spanking...should they not consider spanking to be the first form of discipline to use each time, instead of time-outs? It's funny to see the reactions of Moms that spank their kids, when asked if they would spank another person's kid. Some Moms have agreed that they would if given permission...but then I wonder, why wait for permission? If some Moms believe that spanking is acceptable and harmless, then what's the big deal? Certainly Moms that use time-out don't need permission to put another child on a time-out if they are babysitting. This topic never ceases to fascinate me because the underlying contradictions involved in spanking, provide a perfect example as to why spanking is not the best form of discipline for any child.

Judy - posted on 09/09/2009

No, I wouldn't I don't believe in hitting someone elses child. Family are not family I don't believe in it.

Rosalind - posted on 09/09/2009

My form of discipline is not to "smack" my daughter so to think of "smacking" someone else's child is just way out of the my range of thinking

Lisa - posted on 09/09/2009

oh gosh NOooo, what an awful thought, I have two step sons I would never dream of hitting them, that is not my place!! I use other methods instead, like I do with my own!

Mel - posted on 09/09/2009

yes providing the mother said its ok to do that. quite often when i baby sit the mother tells me I can smack them if they get out of line and they explain that to the kids too. I have no problems with it

Dee - posted on 09/08/2009

I was brought up, as was my five children, with spankings on the butt, if the occasion called for it. If I am asked to watch someone else's child, I discuss the matter of discipline right up front. I will not keep a child who is allowed to do, in front of my children or grandchildren, what they are not. I DO NOT BELIEVE IN ABUSE, but that is totally different from letting a child know that it has done something wrong. By the time the parent or parents have returned, chances are, the child has forgotten what the spanking would be for, and how fair it that, to let a situation go, and then the parents have to come in and start spanking or dealing with a situation that should have already been dealt with, in the proper manner. We are from a very loving family, and they are raising their children in the same manner, and our children treat us with respect, just as theirs will do the same. This tells them that they are loved enough to be corrected. Matter of fact, some want to be spanked, and act out for that very reason. It is important that they know that know for every action there is a reaction.

Patricia - posted on 09/08/2009

I don,t like spanking my children, i prefer punishing them. I do a lot of talking and they ignore me because they know i don,t spank them. my kids respect me when i,m angry with them.

Patricia - posted on 09/08/2009

I would not smack another mum child and i don,t want another mum smack my child. Let me be the one to punish. You can correct them if you like.

Kylie - posted on 09/08/2009

I will never smack/hit spank/pop my own children let alone another parents child..thats outrageous! if someone went and smacked my kids they better be a fast runner...because I'd more than smack them back.

Stacey - posted on 09/08/2009

I'd never smack my own let alone someone else's. A firm voice works wonders in my house. So answer to question no I wouldn't :)

Kylie - posted on 09/07/2009

i have smacked my children on the butt..that is the sign to say ok thats enough..i use it only as the last resort and rarely does the behaviour start again after that.usually i loud voice will do and i do not use it as a threat to make them scared ..not that any of this makes it better to do..BUT i def. draw the line at smacking someone elses child even a relatives child ,even if i had permission ,even if they were so close to me i lived with them..and i also think that in your question you say the "if i thought the mother wasn't using the correct form of punishment"who is anyone else let alone me to decide the "coorect punishment"for someone elses child???My answer is never would i smack another person s child...

Tina - posted on 09/07/2009

I have done daycare for years, and would never spank another person's child. Not even when given permission, which I have. Normally I would say never spank, with my degree in early childhood education, but clearly they never met my first. I have three children, and can tell you spanking is not appropriate for every child. But for some it's the last and only answer. The other two never got to that point. My spanked kiddo is now a firefighter and a great and kind man. He survived. Point, spanked him maybe 5 times on bottom, no abuse. Let's keep things in perspective.

Charlie - posted on 09/07/2009

NEVER !! i would be so angry if anyone laid a hand on my child , i would never do it to someone else's .
I personally hate using acts of aggression on children .

Sharon - posted on 09/07/2009

Never. It isn't my right to lay a hand on another human being.
My son was spanked by some one else recently and it was a very upsetting thing to see. My son didn't even know why he was being spanked. I'd never do that to someone else.

Debbie - posted on 09/07/2009

Hi,

I have been doing day-care for 16 years and there have been MANY times that I have wanted to smack someone elses kid, but NO way would I ever "smack" another persons child!! I have rarely ever spanked my own! If anyone ever hit one of my kids, they would get it right back from me!

Mary - posted on 09/07/2009

Hello

in responding to would you smack a other mums child, I'm old school, if I spank that child because it was something that had to do with saving that childs life YES buy all means, for example the child is going to stick something in a light socket..yes i'd spank the child and explain why

Angela - posted on 09/05/2009

I don't smack my child and would never smack anyone elses child either. I grew up with smacks and the occasional wooden spoon when very naughty and it didn't bother me or traumatise me in anyway in fact my brothers and i have quite a good laugh about mum or dad chasing us around for a smack when we were kids. I shared a house with a friend many years ago and she use to smack her child and one day she had hands full and asked me to smack her daughter for her and i said "no way i don't smack my own child i'm not going to smack yours"....so she put all her stuff down and did it her self.

Lydia - posted on 09/04/2009

I am reading some posts that differentiate between smacking and spanking - arent they two words for the same thing? I can understand swatting as I guess it implies a gentler form of the same (although its all the same to me)!

Angela - posted on 09/04/2009

I agree with you also Rachel...