You wanna see your daughter take me to court! Please Help!

Kalisha - posted on 12/10/2010

to sum it up children need consistancy in there life. Back an forth for any reason is unacceptable!

Meadow - posted on 12/10/2010

Who has physical custoday and who has legal custoday over your daughter? If those haven't been established, you need to get that done now.

Amber - posted on 12/08/2010

@Jessica thank you again all i want is for my daughter to be safe and protected.
@Jilene Lol I said the same thing that he would be back in jail in no time because that is his pattern. Thank you for your advice!

Jilene - posted on 12/07/2010

He would only get supervised visits so do what the court says but don't worry he will be back in jail in no time. Like a few have said hes an idiot. Sheild her as much as possible.

Jessica - posted on 12/07/2010

I just read some of the other posts here and had to add, don't let his family make you feel bad. You are a good mother (or you would not be so concerned with doing what's right for her) and you obviously love her with all your heart!!! Personally I would not allow him to see her unless the court ordered it (as you said though he won't take you to court as he prob would have to pay lots in back child support but I don't know if the court would consider his criminal record in visitation unless it was something he did against a child, they refused to consider my ex's record). If he does take you to court contact the local women's shelters, call every atty you can find in the book and you may likely find someone who will represent you free. As someone else said mother's intuition is very important, never second guess it, it may someday save your child's life (again I know this from experience)! As hard as it is to be a single mother it is well worth it, keep up the good work!!!

Amber - posted on 12/07/2010

Thank you Jessica! You don't know how much that means to me!

Jessica - posted on 12/07/2010

You ARE doing the right thing for your baby girl! Keep strong and stick to your guns. I have some experience with a similar situation and since then I have deeply regretted allowing my ex to spend time with our daughter. Don't give in, she doesn't need that kind of man in her life! When she is old enough she can learn all the facts and make up her own mind then (he may have even changed by then) but till then don't doubt yourself, you are a great mom and are doing a great thing for your baby! If you give in it will kill you when he sees her and then abandons her yet again (and he likely would) and you have to deal with a child who is crushed and doesn't understand why Daddy doesn't love her and doesn't want to see her or can't cuz he's in jail.

Amber - posted on 12/01/2010

Thank you Ladies! I completely agree!
@Gwen Covert I like to look at things the same way as you do. I'm not tryin to second guess myself at all I believe that my decision was the right one I just want to make sure it's right for my daughter.
His aunt tried to text me the other night and bully me into letting him see her needless to say I told her to mind her own damn business that this has NOTHING to do with her this is between me and him and also she told me I was a "poor excuse for a mother" all because I wouldn't let him come see her. I told her she doesn't have any kids so she doesn't even know what a being a mother is that she can't judge me for something she has know idea what she talking about. Needless to say I put a block on my phone where couldn't call or text me anymore same with him. I'm done he can't even respect my wishes and the only time he DOES call is when he wants something from me, he will ask about Emma (my daughter) maybe once and thats it then he continues asking me for a ride or money. What a POS!
Thank you again ladies!

Gwen - posted on 12/01/2010

Think of it this way. If he was a day care center or babysitter would you leave your baby with him? We don't tolerate drug abuse, violence or criminal activity in a child care provider. But for some reason when it comes to exes, we second guess ourselves. The point is, he STABBED another human being. It doesn't matter when or why!

Brandi - posted on 11/28/2010

No ur not wrong for being that way- number 1 u dont want her to remmebr him that way- number 2 if he wants to be a father he would stay out of jail and trouble and grow up...

Shannon - posted on 11/27/2010

my daughters father is almost the smae..just a scrub really hasnt been to jail..BUT he too hasnt put any money on her..not even a penny..not even on my son his step son at the time being when we were together..i have given him money to pick me things up for her when he would come get her for a wkend.or day he couldnt handle the nights w her..anyways..i want the same for her..he never even sent a birthday card..now thats just messed up..but ya..my deal with her farher was that he can take her for the day if he can pay for th ediapers clothes and food cup and food she will need for that day..and he NEVER will be able to..i think it should be up to our daughters to see their "fathers" i dont think we should tell them about their fathers flaws but the father best know he better not hurt our baby gurls or mamma will be out on a rampage..i dont want him to hurt her like he did me and ahdy my son..and thats all he does when he leaves after seeing her..she dont even go to him..shes afraid of him dont like him..and im not going to force her..so i too actually need help with this one..if you dont mind..lol..good luck..i hope we can both figure it out

Leah - posted on 11/27/2010

Oh my! Of course it's the right thing! Do you really want this guy around your daughter? In and out of jail. He clearly doesn't care or he would change his ways! I am sorry you are going through this. Your daughter is better off without this guy being in her life.





If this was me,I wouldn't let him see her ever.

Cindy - posted on 11/27/2010

ok, i felt the same way you do when my son was growing up. i hated the fact that his dad was rarely around. but i never kept my boy from seeing his father. i also never lied to my boy or criticized his dad. i let him make up his own mind when he got old enough to understand better. it all worked out. he has a love hate relationship with his dad. but, it is a relationship.
i feel as long as it is supervised visits, that it would be ok. just be honest with her about him. God be with you both. GOOD LUCK

Kathy - posted on 11/27/2010

I wouldn't want him anywhere near any daughter (or son) of mine! Maybe you could talk to the family Court (or whatever you have in your country) about legal means to keep him from her. Get it in writing, a legal document you can wave in his face.

Amber - posted on 11/21/2010

@Katrina Rogers I'm soo sorry about your situation. That is every mothers nightmare and you lived it. I'm glad you and your child are okay. It's weird how you think you know someone and turns out you really don't. Him hurting my daughter and I was a thought that crossed my mind many times because I never thought he would have hurt a fly let alone a person so how was I suppose to know he wouldn't hurt us. Thank you for your advice and sharing your story and once again I'm sorry that happened to you.

Katrina - posted on 11/21/2010

Hi, He sudsv known dat he had another charge maybe coming up against him, let him bring you to court, agree on supervised access only, nd, im sorry but you are bloody right to keep yur angel away from him if yeh can, same all happened to me, eneded up dat he tried to kill me, den tried to kill our child, now at the end ov it, he went nd hung himself, dat was 4yrs ago, nd i still have to explain to my near 5yr old how his daddy died, de reason i am telling you dis is, please be carefull, if yur ex can hurt others, dont think dat he might not do it to you some day, x x x

Amber - posted on 11/21/2010

No, they don't have much to with us. I use to take her over there before he went to jail the first time and even after he was arrested I tried to call them but no one ever answered and when they did answer they were always to busy for us. They always wanted me to come over there they never once offered to come over to my house to see her. So finally after unanswered calls I quit trying and they never tried to call me so to answer your question no, she doesn't see them!

Valicia - posted on 11/21/2010

How about his family? Do you take Emma to see them?

Cathy - posted on 11/19/2010

You call Emma's father the sperm donor and from what you've written, that's all he is. He's never been a real father. Getting someone pregnant does not automatically make you a father. I could say a lot more, but I'll keep it short. You're doing the right thing keeping Emma away from the sperm donor. He is certainly not a good example for her.

Amber - posted on 11/19/2010

@Jacqueline I tried to get him involved before all this happened and even then he wasn't (before he got arrested) he was to busy drinking and doing drugs wasn't willing to find a "real" job because selling drugs was easy and he made more money so he thought it would be stupid for him to stop. I have no respect for people like that and I try to conveince myself that he would change. Let me go back to when she was born my daughter was born on June 9th 2009. He was arrested on June 15th 09 which of course he had been in and out of jail while I was pregnant as well. When he got out he was around he had no restrictions to her and she even went to his house once a week to stay the night. Then one saturday night I was at work because I worked night shift I got a phone call from him and he was drunk when he was suppose to be taking care of my daughter. So I called his grandmother who he lived with at the time please watch her and keep him away (this is when we found out he had a drinking problem) from her. i went and got her as soon as I got of work. Then another incident after that was he told me that his mom went and picked up formula for her so of course I didn't pack any because of this all I sent was one bottle full that was it. When I got there the next morning I saw her bottle was full of water (she was only a couple of months old at the time) and I asked what the hell is she doing with water in her bottle well then is mom comes in freaking out because he NEVER told her she needed formula so she NEVER got it so my daughter had only what was left in that bottle that I brought over the night before. After all that shit I didn't trust him! It took every once of energy I had not to go in there and beat him. But I didn't I just left and she hasn't been with him since. Other then when he was coming over for 1 hour once a week. Sometimes I really wish I never told him I was pregnant! Also when he as "suppose" to be watching her, he's parents or his grandmother was the one keeping her because I guess he had more important stuff to do. So even then he wasn't involved with her he just made it look like he was until one day I just showed up at his house and he wasn't there but my daughter was and then his mom informs me that he has been gone since she got there and that normally when she came over she was the one keeping her because he had other places to be. That is why he ALWAYS brought her out to the car when I got there so I wouldn't talk to his mom because he knew I would find out about him leaving her.

Jacqueline - posted on 11/19/2010

Amber as I read the story my 1st thought is get rid of him! However, I have not been in the situation. Listen and trust yourself. The fact is he is the father. Making compromises or negotiations can better result in more peaceful interactions. You never know you daughter may be the one to change his path in life. Life changes when you have a child not just changing diapers, feeding and meeting their needs but certainly a new perpective. Parenting is hard work allow him to help in any way he can. Many years till she is 18 yrs. Keep a partnership or try at least while he is willing. Best of luck to you.

Amber - posted on 11/18/2010

Thank you ladies for the advice. I found out today that my sister-in-law's sisters friend was up at her house yesterday with some drugs (her sister is a big druggie) and she had said that she got them from my "sperm donor" so he is back to selling drugs. Which doesn't surprise me. I just don't get why he still hasn't learned his lesson. What an idiot!

Arlene - posted on 11/18/2010

He is very close to never coming back out of jail with three strikes and your out you don't have to do anything to stop him he will stop himself. Put God in the middle and pray about the situation and He will work it out because anything we say may just do nothing for only God is in control. He controls the weather, time and the destruction of place in this world for He made it. As for you situation allow him to see her for he, your sperm donor, will keep himself from seeing her ever again. Neither of my sperm donors went to jail but Ashley praise God that you got something for up to now both fathers for my kids have not contributed at all. One has kept in touch so Ashlee knows her father but he is too poor to contribute and the other couldn't care less. So count your blessings!

Ashley - posted on 11/18/2010

Amber, I had to do the samething with my son's "sperm donor". He was always in and out of his life, the most money I got from him was 183.80 which was about 3 yrs ago, Febuary 12, 2007. He owes me 18, 525.80 for back child support. The last time I talked to him or even seen him was April 2007. I told him that if he wasn't going to be in his life then he needed to stay out. As of now, he hasn't called or even tried to see him. It has acctually helped. The man I'm married to now, has been in my son's life since the day before he was born. He was there when he was born and has been there for us every since, so my son still has a father figure in his life. I'm in the process of trying to find my ex just so he can sign over his parental rights. My husband is wanting to adopt my son.

Mom - posted on 11/17/2010

Amber, You keep sticking by your ideals. There is a big difference between being a father and being a dad. Any male can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad. Being a father means NOTHING! Being a DAD is what is important. This loser is not a DAD.Push him out of your life as fast and hard as you can. Otherwise he will destroy your relationship with your child. And yes I am speaking from experience.

Robin - posted on 11/17/2010

I would take him to court, even if he is jail, get child support awarded and get a child advocate attorney to help you keep his visitation limited to supervised, ONLY.

Amber - posted on 11/17/2010

I just don't understand why some men don't feel the same about their child(ren) as mothers do. I mean I would die for my baby I would starve just so she could eat. I don't understand how they can't do the same. I love my daughter so much that it hurts and I don't get why he doesn't feel the same...Thank you again for your input. I take everything the other mothers say to me in to consideration because I don't want to be the "bad" guy in the situation unless I have to be.

Valicia - posted on 11/17/2010

Well keep doing what you think is best. That's all we as parents can do anyway.

Amber - posted on 11/17/2010

I don't doubt he loves her I'm sure he does. He has been out of jail for a little over a week and called once. That was it. He wants to be around when it suits him and when he can find the time. I use to think that a "part time" father was better then no father but now I don't feel the same that was because I didn't have a child at the time. I just think it would hurt her worse with him here one min gone the next not knowing when she was able to see him because drugs and alcohol are more important. I have my own personally problems with him obviously but I would never let that cloud my judgement because I honestly do have her best interests at heart. I would LOVE to be able to be comfortable with him being in our lives because I do want her to have her father around but sometimes you don't get that option. I even tried making a deal with him saying that if you get a job and keep it longer then a month, stay out of trouble and get your head on straight then I would reconsider my decision that I had to trust him again and of course that would take time. At first he was okay with it but then something changed because he said that he wasn't gonna "accept" that because that's not what HE wanted. Well sorry buddy this isn't about you so he hung up and I haven't talked to him since.

Valicia - posted on 11/17/2010

I feel ya and totally understand. I'm in the same boat with my three year old. So believe me I agree. He is still her father. And I still feel he should be allowed to see her. With my son, I do exactly what you do. He sees him on my terms. He lives maybe 15 mins away and has seen his son three times. Some men don't do right by their children. Your daughters father makes really bad decisions, but it seems to me that he loves his daughter. He's not all you want for your daughter but he is the man you made her with.

Amber - posted on 11/17/2010

@Valicia Thomas If I honestly thought he wouldn't do anything to hurt her rather it be physical or emotional then I wouldn't be so worried about him being around. Him not supporting her finanically doesn't bother me so much as not supporting her physically which he hasn't since the day she was born.

When people think of "hurting" your child they always think physically and no one ever thinks about it hurting them emotionally and what that would do to them. My daughter is my world. I won't stand around and watch him destroy her because he can't step up and be a man.

Valicia - posted on 11/17/2010

I agree with you that I wouldn't want my child to have a part time dad or a dad who comes and goes frequently. However, He is her father and he shouldn't be kept from her unless he is going to hurt her.
So ever thought it is hard to do and you don't want him influencing her badly, he is the only father she has.

Amber - posted on 11/17/2010

Thank you for your encouragement. He hasn't seen her since he's got out!

Dawn - posted on 11/17/2010

He needs to stay away from you and your child. He's not contributing anything to the household and is not a good role model. Unless he cleans up his act i wouldn't allow him in her life, until she can understand what he has done and she can make the choice.

Tracy - posted on 11/17/2010

Keeping a child away from a parent can be rough. What's worse is when you have the child's best interest at heart, but nothing is legal. Best advice I can give, has already been given. Go to court, make it legal. People change, whether or not he's still a leopard or a lion, he is her father and one day she'll wonder about him.

Make whatever you do legal. That protects your choice and your family. My father did many things he shouldn't have, while it was important to stay away from him when I was younger, I still want that relationship with him. Although I know what he did, and it's unforgiveable, I have forgiven him and still want him to know he's got grandkids. It's hard to talk to my mom about him because she just wants him dead. Watch what you say around your daughter when you are talking about him, becaue the anger lashes out longer than the truth.

Sarah - posted on 11/17/2010

My little boys dad was the same as this probably still is for all I know if his daughter meant anything to him he would take you to court and try and prove himself with supervised visitations. My little boy is now 8 and has still not really even started to ask questions or show an interest in his bio dad I know it will come one day but as long as us mums and our familys have sone our bit right they won't miss out just have a stable upbringing and by the time they want to know they are old enough to
realise that we were protecting and loveing them not depriving them an the children will know right from wrong enough to make their own descisions x

Mom - posted on 11/16/2010

Been there, done that. RUN! Get away from this loser just as fast as you can. Once he straightens his life around, maybe then, but certainly not until he does ALL his time, gets a real job and proves himself for at least a year. There are too many good men out there who would love a family. You don't need to stay with a sperm donor. Remember, anyone can be a father. It takes someone special to be a Dad.

Marylee - posted on 11/16/2010

Way to go girl!!

Wonda - posted on 11/16/2010

Good for you! You are doing the right thing. God gave you that beautiful little girl to protect and love and you just keep doing that and everything will be fine. I have been there I understand! He can also give you a good daddy for her just like he did for my son. Be strong and keep the faith!

Weslin - posted on 11/15/2010

Pls keep him away, severe all ties. tell her abt him only when she is older. He might be a danger to her.

Janelle - posted on 11/15/2010

sever the ties!

Marylee - posted on 11/15/2010

Well, my dear, let me tell you my take on it, many years ago I thought that ANY father was better then no father, eventually things went from bad to worse and I got out, it would have been a lot easier to leave early on, but I didn't want my kids to grow up fatherless. With out fail, every one of my Seven grown children have said that their only regret is that I didn't leave sooner. It's really hard for a leopard to change it's spots, IF, after a very long time of staying out of trouble he were to straighten out and first suport his child, then MAYBE it might be worth a relationship. But keep in mind that people like your "sperm donor" tend to carry trouble around with them and you don't want your child to be in the middle of a drug deal gone bad. Good luck girl, take care of that baby first, yourself second and seek good friends.

Amber - posted on 11/15/2010

Thank you ladies for your advice, just wanted to let you all know that I spoke with an attorney today and I am making sure my butt is covered because I'm not gonna deal with his stupidity anymore. My daughter's safety is the most important thing to me. My attorney told me that he advised me to keep him away until our court date because with his record (which is lot worse and longer then what I explained) he won't have a chance.
I would love to be able to have my daughters father around so she can have that father figure but since he can't seem to be "around" long enough then it's not worth it anymore. My daughter has two uncles and a grandpa that is more of a father to her then he will EVER be and she loves them dearly. They are great influences in her life. I know some of you don't agree with me and I'm sorry if you might feel like i'm wrong but this is what my heart is telling me is right for my daughter and I. Thank you again!

Joanne - posted on 11/15/2010

the offnece did happen before u warned him my girls dad has never once asked to see her and she s 12 now and she hates him for not caring about her it sounds as if he really wants a chance to make amends and i think your daughter will resent you if you dont give them a chance to bond make a point of getting maitenenece he helped make her he should help to pay for stuff she needs give him one last chance now his jail term is over and then if he screws up at least you can tell tour daughter u tried good luck xx

Linda - posted on 11/14/2010

Do not walk but run to a lawyer, even those in law school. Some will take pro bono (free) but your county court will have all the papers needed if you want to try to do it yourself. You need to establish who will have custody, legal & physical, and what the terms will be. This is required in many states. Without establishing that, either parent can take off with the child as you both are the parents. Both have equal legal custody. You can make demands & have them enforced only when custody is established & filed with the court. You may need a pateranity test, proving he is/isn't the father. This is also required in many states/countys. Write up your agreement and file it with the court-both signed, dated and witnessed. You want this in writing & filed that both agree to the terms. Without it he can file an OTC (order to show cause) asking for custody because you're keeping the child from him. You can ask for supervised visits. If you have the paperwork and he decides to keep the child on a visit or take off, this is child stealing-10 yrs in many states. Without paperwork on file it is just dad taking his child. If you keep the child from him without the agreement filed, and you are taken to court, he may be given full custody. Judges don't like to see a parent keeping a child from a parent without good reason. When do you tell a child about the missing parent? When asked about him. You keep it simple, to the child's understanding level. As the child ages, add more of the facts. Don't overload the kid, all will come out in time. Always let the child know that what you do is done for protection not spite. Get a court order for child support. This money is the child's, for the child and not for you. Out of it comes his living expenses, not cigeretts or alcohol. In some states this can be paid thru the District Attorney office, child support division. Each state has it's own set up. Doing it thru a third party like this you usuallly are assured of the support and if it is with the DA, it is easier to go after a non-paying parent. I was divorced, called to court almost every year, my x stole my child so I am telling you things that I know about. The neighbor's x almost lost all paternal rights to the child when she refused the dad to have his visitations many times. You will also find that the child many times sides with the non-custodial parent. Strange but true. They have to find out for themself what should and shouldn't be believed. You can't stop him from being a part time parent but you can be a cushion. We want the best for the child but what we want is not always what we can have. The child figures things out quickly. Keep paperwork about dad's problems, not what you wrote but what is in public record. Don't bring it out! Just have it in case it is needed for any reason. Always keep an updated photo & current paperwork. When the child visits with the missing parent or his family, send along a copy of the curret legal agreement. If he does take the child & you know where he is, go to the feds. Child stealing is a federal crime. It is not kidnapping if you allowed the visit even tho it turned into something different. Local police may not help you and John Walshes group won't as long as you have an idea where he is. Good luck.

Diane - posted on 11/14/2010

He's been in and out of jail for violent crimes, you are definitely doing the right thing by keeping him away from her. The last thing you need is for his activity to catch up with you and your daughter and he's doing things that make enemies with very dangerous people, I think that you and your daughter will be safer if you keep your distance.

Margaret - posted on 11/14/2010

Keep her away!! He sounds like a very unstable person. If you are not very careful, the next thing he steals might be your daughter!
Also, remind him that he does have responsibilities towards her ($$$) and that if he goes to court they will probably give him ver limited supervised visitation and require him to pay support.

Bree - posted on 11/14/2010

I really feel for you being in such a situation but i believe you a doing the right thing. By the sounds of things he will probably never change and it would be best for both you and your daughter to not have him in your lives

Nina - posted on 11/13/2010

I think you made the right choice. With everything he is doing will make it hard on your daughter as time goes by.
Your daughter needs stablity in her life right now. Not confussion.

Carmel - posted on 11/13/2010

First........how on earth did you allow this man to become a sperm donor in the first place???????? It boggles my mind
Secondly whether he has contact with Emma or not the fact remains her sperm donor is a criminal, aggravated burglary, and stabbing somebody, yep I can see how his circle of friends would be a positive influence in her life...........not
and thirdly birth control love its not made available to us just so it looks pretty on our bedside table use it girl use it