New to the group - Lost my husband to Suicide, leaving me with 2 small children

[deleted account] ( 122 moms have responded )

Hello. In October my husband killed himself and now I am trying to put our lives back together. I was excited to see this group and hope to find others to connect to. It is weird to think that I am widowed at 29 with a 2 and 3 yr old. I don't think that anyone really expects that. Now, to figure out how to make the best life for us...

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Elizabeth - posted on 02/10/2014

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My husband just took his own life and I have a two year old. How have you been coping since it's been awhile since you posted? Is it any easier?

FreedomSmellsNice - posted on 07/31/2013

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To anyone interested: Hospice offers individual counseling for family members that have experience a loved one take their life. After that they offer support groups. You are not required to have used their services in the past and they are free.

Aimee - posted on 09/26/2013

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It's been a while since I have been on here, but it has been over 2 years now since my husband passed! Though life has been a challenge, I feel I have come a long way. Would love to connect with other woman in my shoes and just talk.

Wilhelmina - posted on 03/04/2014

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my husband was pulled out of the river on 01/01/2014 our kids are 36 and 37 I loved my husband very much and there are time I feel like I'm just in a fog I here people telling I will be okay but I'm not so sure, my husband sent a not to our daughter that sad he was sorry and that your Mom is very strong but she my need some help I still can't believe that he jumped in to the water as he could not swim and had a fear of heights why an mad at him one time and then mad at my self for being mad at him

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Janet Duenas - posted on 03/16/2014

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@angela I forgot to mention that my husband had a mental illness too. Living with a mentally ill person and then suicide...it's a lot to handle.

Janet Duenas - posted on 03/16/2014

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My 7 yr. old son has trouble sleeping too. He's autistic, so it is so darn hard to know what he understands and doesn't about his dad's death. A child grief counselor told me not to hide anything if asked and to take him to the funeral if possible, so I did. After him not saying much of anything about it, I was surprised and devastated when he ran up to the casket once lowered in the ground saying, "I didn't even get to say goodbye." He understood more than I knew. Breaks my heart.

Janet Duenas - posted on 03/16/2014

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No, none of us expect that. I was widowed at 36 with a 6 year old, and you are even younger than me. Hang in there. That's the thing. Our lives do have to go on, and we have to try to figure out how to make the best lives for our children. During moments of grief, it is so hard.

Wilhelmina - posted on 03/04/2014

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my husband was left our home nov 27 2013 and was pulled out of the Delaware river in Markus hook pa on 01/01/2014 I'm 56 and I though that we would grow old together my husband was 61 I though we looking forward to retiring now it is just me my son is 37 and my daughter is 36 and they are great and so is my family but I still feel like I'm alone as there loss is a different loss then my loss can any one really know if it gets any better I miss him ever day I cry over silly things I just clean out his stuff from the bedroom and our son is now in that room and I'm in my sons old room

Leone - posted on 01/03/2014

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Hi my husband killed him self I have 4 kids and I feel so alone his family all do blame me I just want to get some kind of live back for my kids it's really really hard

Alesea - posted on 11/27/2013

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Okay , I am a 20 year old mom of a 7 month old and his father took his own life at the age of 23 and now my son is without his real daddy and if anything i think that should be your last thought i have never had thoughts like that but i also felt like a failure to my son and i keep telling mysefl everyday that if god didnt think i could handle it he wouldnt put me through it ! you have to think about YOUR baby girls !

Alesea - posted on 11/27/2013

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Im 20 with a 7 month old and his father hung his self almost 4 months ago .. its hard and i still dont know how i am going to get through it but i look at my son and i see his father everyday when he smiles and i know i have to be there for my son .. i havent talked to anyone and i really need to because i break down all the time and my son feels it ..

Margot - posted on 11/19/2013

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My husband suffered from bipolar. He couldn't run his business properly. I gave him a hard time. He took his life on Father's Day of this year. He left 2 children, teens. One a special needs. I cannot seem to get beyond it. He left me alone and even though I know he was in a lot of pain because is medication was changed to something that didnt work. I blame myself for not realizing this and that he was suicidal. I wouldn't have left him alone a few hours. Why couldn't I see what was going on? I miss him so much. Five months and its just as hard. My children are very affected by it. I'm trying to make the new normal but I'm so depressed (i try to hide it) that its hard--remember I have teenagers. They don't socialize and are both depressed.

Greg - posted on 10/11/2013

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My wife cheated on me and left for another man. I am getting a divorce next week. I feel I've lost everything, and rightfully so. Every day I think about suicide, even if I have two young daughters. I feel like a failure, and I don't want their dad to be a living failure, I almost feel it'd be better if I was a dead failure.

I don't understand how someone could leave a wife and kids. These men must have been in a lot of pain. I know I am, but I lost my family - that's my reason.

Rani - posted on 09/23/2013

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sometimes my husband says that he will commit suicide alongwith me and two childern aged 22 and 20 yrs due to dispute with his parents. i hav tried my best to remove this thought from his mind but he is adamant. we fear travelling with him due to his suicidel thought. what to do, plz help.
Rani

Sophie - posted on 07/18/2013

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So sorry to hear your story. i am new here too and hoping that hearing others' stories might make me feel less alone. I have 4 kids but they are older and sometimes it is so hard to have to make myself listen to their "problems" when mine seems so much worse. Good luck. S x

Marian - posted on 06/11/2013

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Sometimes reading eases grief, especially from the loss of a husband from suicide. Sharing a young widow's life--the good moments, the sad moments, times of regret and times of hope--shows us that we aren't alone in what we're experiencing. In a moment of almost excruciating loneliness, Jenny Weaver begins writing to her dead husband, Richard. The writing helps, so she writes to him almost every night, telling him about their young children and her daily life. She also looks back into the past and the circumstances that led to his suicide. Jenny Weaver is in the novel Realities. Her journey was written to help every woman who has experienced loss.

Aimee - posted on 04/11/2013

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Lolda -
I can assure you, you are NOT alone. My husband passed away a year and a half ago, leaving behind me and his 5 year old daughter (at the time). It's a tough journey but with the help of friends and family you can and will do it. Of course it's not going to be easy and things will always be different, however if you talk to people that have been in the same situation, it definitely helps out. If you ever need to talk, I am here.

Loida - posted on 04/09/2013

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my husband committed suicide 12days ago..we do not live together in one roof for years as we have our own job miles away..we only see each other thrice to four times a year..we often had arguments,,he curses me but never cursed him back..he had this attitude of having a bad temper..i usually ignore him whenever he acted that way..till the day came that i learned he already committed suicide and his body was only discovered more than 24 hours passed..i was so shocked and im really having a hard time thinking about his death..im blaming myself coz i had done nothing to prevent it from happening..i never thought he would do it..i still could not believe that he left me and our 3yr old son just like that..widowed at 29, i dont know how to start anew..we are not yet financially stable,.i dont know how to raise our son alone specially now that he would start his schooling..i really need someone to talk to,as to assure im not alone in this world..

Andrea - posted on 03/16/2013

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My husband shot himself in the abdomen then when that didn't work he shot himself in the head. I was 21 and now am 49 and it has affected me since then. Thank God we didn't have any children because it would have hurt them-"why didn't I see it coming"-the guilt. I remarried,now divorced because he would throw his suicide in my face,which is low. In fact at 23 I tried to kill myself because I thought I was a bad person.

Julie - posted on 03/04/2013

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One day at a time. Have a good older friend and a good older family member that you can sort things out with. I went to a professional to validate my decisions and direction in life. I gone to church and spoke to my preacher I had booklets sent to me to read some I done and some I didn't. I went out to meet new friends. That was hard but I did it with encouragement and a strong network of friends that gave me their phone numbers to have for safety. God works in many ways Sarah. I now have a very special friend that has given me a new lease in life. My brothers all have familys and their life is full and their concern of me is great. My youngest brother and wife has met my new friend and like him. He yes he is gentle, and kind and loving all that I had not experienced before. My kind , gentle and loving was through my sons raising them was my life. Now I have a new purpose and new hope.

Julie - posted on 03/04/2013

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Sarah, My 28 yr old son doesnt speak to me. My 20 yr son off to college and he doesn't speak to me . The two of them and a girlefriend came to my home the home they were raised in to take what they thought they could take, when I stopped them with a police officer and tears. Go ahead and blame me if it makes you feel better, but my love to you sons will never change I will alway love you , but this is no longer you home to take what you think you have rights to do. Time will change my though of items in this house that will no longer matter to keep. But for now my children belong to the dead husband and my mother in law and to an uncle that can not see that their father, son and brother was sick and it wasn't anyone fault. I pray for my kids nightly and sometime through out the day praying that one day they will come home without the hate in their hearts. My miss my boys.

Sarah - posted on 03/03/2013

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OMG... there are no words :( I also lost my husband to suicide i October and my adult daughter 26 was the first on the seen and i just wanna die , I am sincerley sorry for you lost.
Sarah

Julie - posted on 02/04/2013

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I felt the same way ... why did he do this. Thinking he may have answers locked up in his computer. Maybe ... and maybe not , maybe just all in the hand written notes of 26 pages. That I wished I had not released to his kids. This is all past tense and all I can do is to move forward alone.

Julie - posted on 02/04/2013

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My escape was going to a friends home we would sit on the back porch and talk. After couple months I would take day trips go shopping or go out to eat. I have sister and a cousin called me every day for nearly a year. After 15 months I met someone online and we have been dating ever since. No one will ever replace your husband, but as time passes your feelings change too.

Madwoman - posted on 02/04/2013

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I'm a recent widow. My husband shot himself in our garage in January of 2011 and 3 of my young kids found him. This is truly a life experience which makes it very difficult to relate to others. I felt like I was alone on a desert island and didn't know anyone who had even lost a husband at a young age, much less to suicide. I have been blogging about the journey for a year now, and it has been hugely therapeutic for me, and for many others in our shoes. For that reason, I invite you all to check it out. Start from the beginning. Peace, love and healing to all of you and your families. http://www.seriouslythisreallyhappened.c...

Eleanor - posted on 02/01/2013

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@Aimee that would be wonderful. MY email is bcurtis187@Gmail.com. pkeae email me, would love some advice and stuff, especially from someone who knows what I'm going through. Look forward to hearing from you.

Aimee - posted on 02/01/2013

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@ Eleanor, first off let me start my saying my heart goes out to you. It has been 18 months since my fiance took his life and I too have a 6 year old (almost 7). It has been a very tough road, lots of obstacles to overcome and lots of set backs. Everything is still fresh for you, take things day by day, hour to hour, minute by minute.... etc. I do encourage you to go to counseling (when you are ready). You need to talk about things with someone other then family and friends. Please feel free to contact me and we can exchange stories, I know for me it was helpful to talk to someone that has been through the same thing, so they can "some what" understand.

Angela - posted on 01/31/2013

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Jan. 18th 2013 my husband shot himself in the heart. I am 29 and a widow. We have 4 kids 2 of them are from his previous marriage but a loving home on both sides. He had a mental illness the last month in a half of his life... He burnt down our house on New Year's Day. No contents survived except few items in the garage. He seriously was someone I didn't know at all. I got the kids out and stayed at my parents since 12/27/13. But the kids only remember the loving supportive good daddy and husband that he was before his illness... I loved my Justin... I wish I could give them back their daddy. I wish I could give them back their house and toys and everything..... Everything is so weird right now... Dealing with paperwork 4 and 9 year old not sleeping... Change... Nothing and starting over. Why did he do this to us?

Eleanor - posted on 01/31/2013

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Hello, I am a 26 year old mom of a beautiful 6 year old daughter. My husband comitted suicide 15 days ago, i am so completly lost and grief stricken. My world seems so empty and everytime i look at our daughter it rips every little thing im holding onto out. I miss him so much. And i witnessed the whole thing and can not get that out of my head. I just wish he could come home, just be ok. I am soo mentally and physically drained. I have friends that want me to go out, or go to there house have some fun. But i feel guilty about doing anything, i mean why should i have any fun or do anything when he went through that and is just gone. He was an amazing father, and husband. our whole world, Such a great person. I know if he could he would take this back in a heart beat, It was one second of not thinking and making a bad choice he will never beable to take back. What do i do? and how do i deal with this? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Julie - posted on 01/22/2013

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My sons attempt to come in my home after their father took his life to take what they thought had the right to do. And things I took from them crying , you can not have this. It took awhile to take pictures off the wall and items off the book case that were put up by Rick. The records and the books are still in the order he had them. I still can not move them the sterio that I fought out from the hands of the boys unused in the corner of the study. Why did I not let them have it? because my husband let them have all what he took to his apt at the college. He had many items that were mine I never got back and will not get back. All material things I dont need or want now taking space. I know know where your at.

Julie - posted on 01/22/2013

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What an awful ordeal. You need to get your ducks in a row. The elderly father look at care for him or other family members to step in. Your children are no different than mine. They are angry and have not spoken to me for nearly 2 yrs. I just attended my father in laws funeral Sat. sneak in after the service started signed the book and drop off the card that had no money in . Since the mother in law is all about money ( I didnt want to fuel the fire more) . Stood in the back looking into the church to see my boys sit there was so hard. Unable to speak to them. The mother in law and brother in law and a sister in law blame me for the lost of their brother. Not wanting to see a very sick man, wanting to blame someone, and of course that would be me the wife , mother of his children. So now entering the 2nd year in April, my children are still held tight by the mother in law and the uncle. Dont see anything changing, except my life continues to go forward. Six months ago I spoke w a friend that lost her husband of cancer and she dated and said get out there and meet new people find someone you can share your life with and go places do things you hadnt had chance or time for. Well I done just that. Scared at first and met some losers and liers, but the last guy on my list was a true match. We had many laughs and many good times. He farms and in the winter it's little slow works elsewhere, but takes time off to see me. I continue to work and take whatever time I can take to visit my new friend or to see family. My boys I talk to through my prayers. One day maybe the Lord will answer those prayers with my boys. For now it's my focus is life and living it.

Kara - posted on 01/20/2013

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I can relate totally to Jayne Brooks and many of you. My husband shot himself and left me with 4 children and his elderly demensia father to care for alone. He was found in our back yard by our then 21/2 year old son. I was left with guilt and fear and I am beyond angry. I don't know how to feel and what to even do from here? He left no note and my kids are extremely confused and angry. I am so glad I found this group and I really need support.

Julie - posted on 01/07/2013

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That's exactly how I feel. My husband of four years shot himself in our home with me and two grand babies in the home. I found him moments after he did it and he lived for about fourty five minutes. I can't get that image out of my head. What was he thinking?? How could he let the kids and I find him like that??? It is such a selfish act. My world has been ripped apart and I don't know If I will ever be able to get past this. I loved him so much. My birthday was on Jan. 4th and with the new year coming I feel like I'm leaving my darling hubby behind too. I am having a hard time moving things that he put in certain places.

Anna - posted on 12/11/2012

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I hate that we have to always be on our toes and very careful because of our situations and what each move we make might look like from the outside. Honestly, if you are able to talk to him about your feelings, that's a good thing, no matter what others think. It's so hard to live this life we've been dealt. There are no certain answers. From our previous conversations, you seem like a very smart woman. I have a feeling you already know what you want to do. Trust your instincts.

Aimee - posted on 12/11/2012

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Hi Anna, I know him, but haven't really been around him too much through the years. I just don't want the family to get the wrong idea, like we are dating or something like that. He just seems like a nice guy and someone I could hang out with... and I am able to talk to him about my feelings.... just not sure what others would think.

Anna - posted on 12/11/2012

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Hey Aimee,

Did you have a relationship with his cousin before? If so and you feel comfortable with him, then I don't see why not but.....I think because you sound hesitant, you might want to hang out a little at a time.

Aimee - posted on 12/10/2012

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My husand passed away almost a year and a half ago. Recently his cousin has showed interested in wanting to hang out. Do you think it would be okay to go out and just try to have a good time with his cousin, or is that not a good idea?

Tiffany - posted on 12/09/2012

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My husband committed suicide in nov. I'm 28. I remember after about 4 or 5 phone calls or text from other widows it struck me I'm a widow. It was like I got inducted into this secret club I never wanted to join. Good luck with the little ones I haven't been through it yet ( I'm expecting our first in June) but I know the little one still inside me is what keeps me going. At least you have them to have a little part of him with you.

Jayne - posted on 11/13/2012

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My husband of 17 years committed suicide last October im35. We have 4 children together. I'm completely lost. We married as teens. He is all I ever knew.

Aimee - posted on 11/13/2012

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Tahlia, I am very sorry for your loss. I too lost my husband it is going on 15 months. I know what you mean about feeling alone, it's a tough road. You have to stay focused and strong for the sake of the kids. All I can say is talk about how you feel with others that understand. I actually just found this website and it helps me realize that their are others out there going through the same thing. Was your husband depressed?

Tahlia - posted on 11/12/2012

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Hi I wrote on here about a month ago but somehow my account wouldn't let me in so I have started again.

I lost my husband to suicide on September this year, I have two boys, two year old and 7 month old.

He did it in the mental ward, he thought he wasn't going to get any better.

I have a lot of support in my life and have amazing family but I still feel alone because no one actually knows what I'm going through.

I am 25 and don't know where to go from here.

Maxine - posted on 11/12/2012

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hi lot my fiancee of 11 years 2005 , hung himself , our daughter was 5 yrs old , we never got any help or theropy and ive had years of probelms with sofie , everyone said it was because of he dads death she has just been diagnosed with aspergers asd, all these years she didnt know how to handle her feelings etc so has probely never grieved as she dont know how to , i feel ive spent years on sofie trying to understand and blaming myself thinking i hadnt done enough so in a way im glad its been sorted now we can get help x

Gio - posted on 11/12/2012

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Hi Aimee



I am 54 and my husband this happened eight years ago. His birthday is today. Not having a good day. My kids were 18 who relapsed from his cancer three months after his death. 17 14 11 yes for kids.



Not a good time in my life.

Giovanna.

Aimee - posted on 11/12/2012

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Gio - if you don't mind me asking, how old are you? How long ago did your husband pass away?

Gio - posted on 11/09/2012

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Hi Aimee

Yes are you right and wait till you meet someone that is divorced with kids . Not that kids are not good to have but if they are girls they are so protective of there dads and then they get bossy with dad and make it hard for the both of you. Yes i still feel like I am having an affair . Angry he would have turned 51 pm the 13 this month. I need his hug sometimes so I hold on to a sweater that he use to wear. i sleep with it too just to feel him with me.

You are right about the suicide thing i just do not say anything anymore about that its none of there business. If he is worth for me to know then in time . Saying dying suddenly is enough for them to know. They are never feeling good about themselves either to get to that point. Moving forward is something that is not as easy as it looks. Starting over is not either. I just keep myself busy with work and my kids. Actually i truly do not have time for someone in my life again. And based on what I have seen its not worth it either. Its in Gods hands. Thats all i could ask for. What I had to come to the realization is to face the reality that we cannot control what happens in people lives. Love not sure if I truly believe that I will ever love that way again or do i want to. So we shall see. Gio

Aimee - posted on 11/09/2012

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Gio - I am sorry for your lose as well.... I know what you mean about meeting another man and feeling like you are having an affair, I go through the same thing. I feel like whomever I meet is going to have to know the whole story up front and if they are willing to continue seeing me, then they have a lot to deal with as well.. When you lose someone like this it doesn't mean you stop loving them, sometimes I feel like I love him even more... I get angry too, like why did he leave me and your children behind, why. But I know deep down he was not himself when he made a terrible decision.... It's a tough road for all of us, and no one seems to understand until they have been through it themselves!

Gio - posted on 11/08/2012

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Well first of all my deepest sympathies to you and your family. I was 45 when I lost my husband with four kids . Its been now eight years. How is life after eight years. Well December 16 2004 was that terrible day. How is it today. Still cry and still miss him. Got over the anger of him leaving me . But it took years for that to happen. When ever I met someone I felt like I was having an affair on my husband. I know he wants for me to move on. Starting over again is not easy. But over all I guess it get better. Today I feel like a deep sadness for him. I wish we would have talked more and I wish we would have had more time together instead of arguing. But they say that life goes on. How well a day at a time. I look at my kids to keep me busy. My job also.



Just do not beat your self up. It was his time. And most of all be content with yourself. I got to know me for who I am as a woman and person. But at the end of the day sometimes i have those days where I say. Why did you leave me and our kids. And its okay to think like that and its okay to cry when you miss him. Mostly its okay to never forget.

Aimee - posted on 11/08/2012

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Julie, so sorry to hear about your lose. So your children are in high school? And you are 57? Did I read that correctly? You are right though about life going on, because that is very true it does.

It's a very difficult road and at times it may feel like we can't make it through, but we have to keep going.

Julie - posted on 11/07/2012

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It' been 18 months since my husband overdosed and died. Leaving the youngest to go through his senior year w/o his dad watching him play football. It left his eldest son w/o a friend that enjoyed music and great conversations. So by have younger children that is a plus. Widowed at 29 is hard , but living without my children at 57 is tough too. As the professional I had seen said keep your steps going ahead and don't look back. Tough times yes, choices I have to make. I love my boys, and think and pray for them daily. Their father was ill and he made a bad choice. Life goes on, and if I dwell on something I can not change. So move on.

Susie - posted on 11/03/2012

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To DAD.....Pleae don't do this to your children. Or their Moher. My husband killed himself in 1977 and the most difficult part of this was their children knowing this and it almost destroyed one of my sons. He still wants to hear his Dad voice. Just one time. It is a selfish thng to do. I would have rather lived in a carboad box with all of them than he do that to himself. My sons are 41, 36 and a daughter 35....So you see, they were still in diaprs..the two youngest. He lost his business and he fewlt like a failure. To fail is to end your life and damage your children because of it. Please talk to someone. Things have a way of working out if you don't give up. I don't know if you believe in a God..But there is only one unforgiveable sin.And that is to end the the life that was given to you by your own hand. Please don't look at what you don't have..If you do..You have nothing. Please look around at what you do have...In that way..You have everything.

I know the pain that I have had to endure thru the years and the pain of my children. Just hug them and tell them everything will be ok..Love is the most precous gift we have.

Blessings

Susie.

Meg - posted on 11/03/2012

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It is going on five months for me now. I keep picturing him hanging there and it makes me so angry . I hate that i feel so lonely and that their is this empty space in my heart. I also feel guilty talking to other men. I still feel married in a way.. Its really hard for me to imagine the future being happy. My 2 yr old keeps me going, but i miss that companionship. Which makes me feel horrible . I have told my daughter that daddy went to be with the angels, but am not sure when the right time would be to show her the grave, and tell her he died. I feel hope reading your posts, and am so glad for those that have found happiness again. Hopefully one day i will like my new life too.

Anna - posted on 11/02/2012

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I would have seen them for her if they had made an effort but they never did. Even though those waves don't go away, they get easier to process and deal with. It's not as raw as it used to be, it just is what it is now, a part of my life that even though sucked, has lead to me to where I am today. My daughter is almost 18 and will graduate high school this year. And yes, I am still married to the same man, we just celebrated 14 years.

Aimee - posted on 11/01/2012

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Anna,

What you are saying is so true... It was HIS CHOICE, so why should I just waste my life because of a selfish decision he made. I think maybe their families don't know how to deal with the loss and by seeing the child it makes it hard on them, who really knows. I still see them though, for my daughter's sake. It's unfortunate that the waves don't really go away, but I am pretty sure known of my feelings will go away, it's a life long struggle... How old is your daughter now? Are you still married to the man you met after your husband passed away?

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